Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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Chymick
Description: A chymick is an intricate winged glass and copper construct about half a foot in length. Often encountered in swarms numbering in the hundreds, these devices closely resemble oversized bees, complete with insectile eyes, strange hair-like protrusions, and short metal stingers at the end of their bulbous glass abdomens.
Unlike most constructs, chymicks must eat to survive, spending much of their time foraging for inorganic matter to consume. They hunger for glass most of all, drawing them into more civilized areas in search of food. Each chymick transmutes this material into a potent magical concoction which it stores within its abdomen. At once both incredibly rich in magical potential and dangerously caustic, chymick essence is highly prized for its uses in alchemy, poison-making, and the brewing of potions and oils.
Those capable of crafting a chymick swarm usually keep them well under control, though some swarms have been known to outlive their owners or their usefulness and establish independent hives.
Powers and Abilities: A chymick swarm is able to rapidly consume most non-living material, though they rarely display this ability on anything other than their favorite food—glass. Whatever a chymick eats, it condenses and refines into a powerful magical extract known as chymick essence. This substance sustains and animates the chymick, bonding it to the rest of the swarm and giving it a measure of independence uncharacteristic of other constructs. More than mere sustenance, chymick swarms also use this vitriolic essence to lend potency to their stings. Even those chymicks who fall to an intruder’s blows have their final revenge as they shatter, sending shards of acid-laden glass into their enemies.
An interesting construct! Visually appealing, easy to picture--nice description!
I like that it eats glass, that's a niche I don't think we've seen in any mainstream d20 material. I can picture this attacking a PC's potions and alchemical flasks--especially when a PC tries to drink a potion in combat or use alchemical fire to attack the swarm. The use of their essence is also a cool alternate "treasure" for a creature that wouldn't normally collect loot.
Construct swarm - okay, kind of novel, you don't see many of those done well. But with its intelligence - or rather, its independence - this feels like it's trying to pick and choose with parts of those rules it want to play with. I'd just watch that when stating something like this up.
The turning to glass and shattering ability is also pretty cool.
Initial Impression: Metallic and glass alchemical insect construct. Hmm. That’s original, but is it enough…
Concept (name, overall design choices, design niche, playability/usability, challenge): B+
I like the image of this—its like a brass and glass stirge that eats glass like stirge sucks blood. I love the idea and it would make for a great art order. The “eat glass” angle thrusts the monster into cities, which also puts them on a collision course with the PCs. Some monsters this round struggled to even be something the PCs would encounter. This doesn’t have that problem. But I get the sense this one wasn’t thought through all the way. I don’t really know where this guy sits on the power curve. It’s a construct, and a swarm, so it can’t be really low level. It messes with magic items (well, glass anyway, such as potions perhaps) and it produces a relatively powerful byproduct. That says this is a higher CR monster. I’m not sure its powers fit there, though. I have to reward the creativity though.
Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, world neutral, quality of mandatory content—description, summary of powers): B+
It could use some tighter editing, but this is a well done submission. The description is solid and the powers tease me with possibilities. I want to see what this monster looks like statted up.
Tilt (did it grab me, do I want to use one in an adventure?): B+
I could find a use for these. In fact, I would go out of my way to use them.
Overall: B+
The glass eating construct bugs get it done!
Recommendation: I DO recommend this creature advance.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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I'd tell you how much I love this monster, Ben, but a bunch of metal bugs just swooped in and ate my computer monitor. I'll have to write my joy to you later.
I do hope to have a chymick illo done today, though.
Unless you plan on doing illustrations for everyone's monster, I'd prefer you didn't post that anywhere until the voting is done.
If I didn't know you in real life, it wouldn't be an issue, but since you're my friend and ex-roommate, I worry that you posting pictures of my monster might be construed as Me providing supplementary information about my monster through a proxy.
Just trying really hard not to get disqualified :D
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Unless you plan on doing illustrations for everyone's monster, I'd prefer you didn't post that anywhere until the voting is done.
If I didn't know you in real life, it wouldn't be an issue, but since you're my friend and ex-roommate, I worry that you posting pictures of my monster might be construed as Me providing supplementary information about my monster through a proxy.
Just trying really hard not to get disqualified :D
Don't worry, I'll be waiting 'til after voting has been completed. I ain't trying to disqualify you or nothing. Gives me more time to get a good sketch going anyways. I don't want it to look too robot-y.
I kinda want to draw the stomach monster, though, just for gross-out potential. :P
N'wah shouldn't be allowed to post more than two times on a single 5 post rate...is just too weird.
Oh, and great monster! I love those critters that have a reason to exist other than beign XP for PCs
EDIT: Can't find where to cast my vote... is it open yet?
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EDIT: Can't find where to cast my vote... is it open yet?
Go here, Hugo. It's at the top of the Round 2 message board... um... board.
OK, let's take a look. First thing first, the name. I didn't like it. Assuming a long "y" sound, so "chai-mick", it sounds like chyme, partially digested food. Which it is in fact full of. So it's a pun name, and that's no good.
As for the actual beastie, that's much better. It can be found solitary or as a swarm, so you've got some flexibility there. The eats glass stuff is cool, although I don't see it really impacting characters very much--unless it swarms over them and eats the glass of their equipment in seconds, spilling their potions, covering them in acid and ruining their 1000 gp spyglass. That's kind of cool, admittedly. The acid stings and death throes are neat abilities, but what good is chymick essence as treasure-to-be-collected if they all explode upon death? Is there a way to keep them from exploding? Or to collect up a bit of chymic essence from the wreckage?
These guys are okay. Not fantastic, but solidly built and evocatively described. And so far, that's as good as I've seen.
But I still don't like the name.
No, that's not a pun name.
A pun name would be "glass jaw." Because he eats glass. With his jaws. Get it?
"Chyme mick. Get it? Chyme mick?"
No. It's not a pun. Ergo, I don't get it.
I think you mean, I don't get it, ergo it's not a pun. You're putting the cause before the horse, if you will.
It's a monster powered by chyme, with chyme in its name. Hiding. Think of it this way. If it were called an "acidor" or a "digestric", that would be a bad name, right?
I like the visual image I get of these things: a swarm of over-large mechanical bees. I can picture them beautifully polished and shining in the desert sun as they descend on an unsuspecting town to...
...eat all the windows? Well, and bottles too I guess.
Seriously, this is up there with the weird, "a-crazy-wizard-did-it" monsters that we've seen over the years, like owlbears and gelatinous cubes. I guess some mad alchemist couldn't be bothered to gather and refine magical reagents himself, so he created chymicks to do it for him. But as he was harvesting the chymick essence, Perry the Platypus burst into his laboratory and foiled his plan to take over the tri-state area.
Sorry for the joke at your creation's expense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think I could use these in a game of Pathfinder and keep a straight face. They just don't seem to fit into a fantasy world unless you're playing it for laughs. Chymicks don't arise naturally, they have to be deliberately created. But they're too dangerous to be something a good guy would create and not sinister enough to be something a bad guy would create.
These are a mad scientist's creation. After you beat him, he'll shout "Curses! Foiled again!" and then get dragged off to prison. Next month, he'll break out and you'll have to defeat his next weird creation.
If other people want to play Pathfinder with Silver-Age-comic-book tropes, more power too them. I hope they have a lot of fun. But that is not the tone I want when I play Pathfinder.
it sounds like chyme, partially digested food. Which it is in fact full of. So it's a pun name, and that's no good.
I am sure that maybe half a dozen of us on this message board know what Chyme is (or at least did before you posted about it)... I am willing to give the pun name thing a pass, as that word is rare enough that I have my doubts that the author would have known about it to pun off it.
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No, that's not a pun name.
A pun name would be "glass jaw." Because he eats glass. With his jaws. Get it?
"Chyme mick. Get it? Chyme mick?"
No. It's not a pun. Ergo, I don't get it.
I think you mean, I don't get it, ergo it's not a pun. You're putting the cause before the horse, if you will.
It's a monster powered by chyme, with chyme in its name. Hiding. Think of it this way. If it were called an "acidor" or a "digestric", that would be a bad name, right?
Acidor and digestric would be bad names because they sound stupid. They're not puns either, though. Spiderman....the name for a man who....dresses like a spider and gets his powers from being bitten by a radioactive spider....is not a pun name.
Okay....here's a pun name. There was a supervillain made up by Rob Liefield. Named "Forearm." The supervillain had.....guess what....four arms. THAT is a PUN name.
"Chymick" is not a pun name.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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Demiurge 1138: Thanks for the comments and concerns, I appreciate the feedback. Obviously I can't discuss the name yet, but I hope you swing back 'round this thread after the voting, because I'd like to talk about it with you.
catmandrake Thanks you as well for voicing your opinion, I'll definitely keep these issues in mind should I advance to the next round.
Heath, cwslyclgh, Thanks for your support, I'd love to hear what you guys think of the rest of my entry.
Developer
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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I'm kind of in love with these guys. Maybe I just really like the idea of construct bugs. (What's with all the bugs, anyway?) I would definitely use these in my game. They have that pseudo-rust monster feel that just... tickles me. And I can easily see a whole town having problems with these, and wondering where they come from. Plot hook, anyone?
I haven't looked at all the entries yet, but this could easily get my vote--- and it's my favorite bug, so far.
This is one of the entries that came ever so close to getting one of my votes, but in the end fell just short. I still like the imagery and abilities of this creature as described, though, and certainly hope that you garner enough votes from others to push through to the next round, because I would like to see more of your work. Good Luck!
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012
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Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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This monster attacks something that I've never seen another monster attack before. Watch out potion bottles!
This is in the running for a vote. I've got 6-7 monsters vying for 4 votes, so it's good in the sense that there are a few great monsters this round.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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I'd tell you how much I love this monster, Ben, but a bunch of metal bugs just swooped in and ate my computer monitor. I'll have to write my joy to you later.
I do hope to have a chymick illo done today, though.
Agreed. This is the first entry that I flat-out love. My only reservation is the name itself; it doesn't thrill me, but it's not bad. The visual on these creatures is great, the niche they fill is inventive, the nasty things the DM can do with them is apparent, and they manage to be simultaneously not something you see every day but also not just bizarro to be bizarro. They have natural conflicts with PCs or the interests of the PCs, especially if they eat gems as well as glass... :)
NOOOOOOOOOOO, save the TREASURE!!!
I will tell you that making construct + swarm produces some interesting rules interactions, but it's not an insurmountable problem.
Overall: This is Superstar stuff - the place where you touch the edge of gonzo but don't quite go over.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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taig, I'm honored that I'm in the running. I don't mean to put any undue pressure on you but I really think you should :D
Seriously though, thanks for putting me in your top 6-7, I'm glad you got a kick out of my Chymick.
Jason Nelson, Wow, thanks, that's really cool of you to say, thanks!
Last round, yours was gross and mine was pretty. This round, vice versa.
Both rounds, if we only got one vote each which couldn't be for our own entries, yours would receive mine.
Tip of the hat to you, sir, and a ballot in the box.
This one is fairly simple, but I find myself drawn to it just the same. It definitely has a certain intangible cool-factor.
I love swarms.
I like constructs.
I LOVE tiny little bugger construct swarms.
I all way wanted to have one. I exactly envisioned them as you gave them to me. a swarm of tiny little buggers that sting and claw and bite, while eating your equipment.
This was one reason I hated the clockwork mender swarm. it was everything I ever wanted... NOT. a construct swarm that repairs and polishes your stuff? argh.
And you even go one step further. not only do these beasties eat equipment (with a great hunger for the fragile, expensive and easy to reach potions) no, they inject the half-digested sludge right back into you, even if it's just to piss you off.
The death-throes is also a nice touch. I can totally see someone who hits the swarm smiling because he set of a little chain reaction, but just until the cascade of sharp glass and caustic sludge rains down on him.
To summarize:
Innovation / Creativity:
Yeah. great. something new, something different, but not too way out there to be plausible and viable. this has a great spark and the beasties nearly take on a life of their own and fly right out of your submission to eat my precious stuff. - off to get the flyswatter.(which they'll probably eat too . and then inject into my veins. Bastards!)
Tilt:
all my wet construct bugger swarm dreams come true + extra awesome sauce.
I'm in. Are they cheaper by the dozen?
While I don't have a specific plot idea for these, they are a nice little hazard that will fit very snuggly in my running Planescape campaign.
The only thing that doesn't grab me is the name, but it doesn't do any bad either.
Really good work. My favorite so far.
Strongly considering this for a vote.
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This beastie is one of the few things out there where etymology and entomology have equal importance! :P
I maintain the code of silence as to the chymick's naming origins, since me spilling any beans might appear to be some kind of favoritism, so I'm gonna shut my yap 'til after voting is done just to be safe. I did do some research, however, and had a face-in-palm moment when I put it all together. It's so simple, yet so... not. :P
I will say the pronunciation is not obvious. That's all.
Aw, crap. A chymick just flew into my room and ate my glass eye, so now I gotta go rob the estate of Sammy Davis, Jr. Their collection is the cat's pajamas, babe.
Simple, well designed, concise description. I like that. However, I have one major problem with this submission: it reads like a low-level pest monster. Not like something the PCs will fight with/interact with in any regularity. So, a rather tiny niche ...
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Regarding the name, I think "chymick" is supposed to evoke "chemic", aka chemical. Kill the bugs, get "chymick essence" to use in "alchymickal" concoctions like potions, etc.
Just sayin'.
Ah, Rob got there before me, as I was reading the creature I was wondering if the name was intended as a portmanteau of "Chyme" and "Chemic", indicating that the creature is something of an alchemical digestor. Which is a pun name, and a very clever one at that.
Really, you can't seriously complain about pun names, D&D and fantasy in general right back to ancient myths use wordplay to hint at the nature of a fantastical creature constantly. You can't look down on a creature for that, and if the wordplay is subtle, it's much cooler than a plain-english name or a series of syllables plucked out of the air. The problem with puns comes when they're cheesy, blatant and/or irrelevant and I don't think this falls into any of those categories.
Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant, anyway, I like the name (although it sounds more like an adjective than a noun which is a bit awkward) and the creature is evocative as all get out. I agree somewhat with the qualms about where this creature lies in the CR range and what its abilities will be like, but as soon as I read the description I had an awesome picture of it in my head, it's just got that cool-factor I expect from a Superstar. Going on my shortlist.
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Regarding the name, I think "chymick" is supposed to evoke "chemic", aka chemical. Kill the bugs, get "chymick essence" to use in "alchymickal" concoctions like potions, etc.
Just sayin'.
You delicious genius, you! Sad I missed this before I posted my earlier gibberish.
EDIT: Illessa is also a genius, BTW.
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Regarding the name, I think "chymick" is supposed to evoke "chemic", aka chemical. Kill the bugs, get "chymick essence" to use in "alchymickal" concoctions like potions, etc.
Just sayin'.
You delicious genius, you! Sad I missed this before I posted my earlier gibberish.
EDIT: Illessa is also a genius, BTW.
Heh, you're right about the pronunciation being key, On reading it I pronounced the Chy as the Chi in Chimera, which quite neatly brought both words to mind for me.
I love this. It's unique, a beautiful description, and I want to use it in my own campaign world more than once.
My one problem (yeah, I know, I always have criticisms, but isn't that the point of this?)...
My one problem is that I don't see it as a threat. Even if it attacked my town (and most of the towns in my world haven't got a lot of glass). Even if it attacked a town, what would be the harm? Would the PCs be willing to suffer all that damage to save the windows?
Maybe if it attacked the pane-glass windows of a temple or church and one of the PCs was a priest of that religion, it would be a reason to attack it. However, I just found it a bit meek as a monster. It's more of a campaign character.
That said, it would fit wonderfully in a part of my campaign world. There's a race of mountain dwarves that love pane-glass windows, and adorn all their mountain top castles, cathedrals and even the inner chambers with it. I've even described them as using some such glass in adorning their armor and magical weapons (not made of glass, but having pieces of it set in the intricate carvings). This monster would be a bane to them :)
I like it and will certainly be coming back to it when I vote.
Ken
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Director of Brand Strategy
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While it's certainly a niche creature, I can totally see myself using this in a game. For one, it would totally catch players off guard. I could also see players using a swarm themselves, perhaps to gain access to a secure location through an eaten window.
I think it's a clever idea and well-executed, though there is still room for improvement in style and design. As of now, this is in the running for my vote, so good work! I look forward to seeing what else you can come up with in later rounds, that's for sure.
Not a fan of the name. Thanks to Rob for the translation
Great description, but it lacks a few things. The first missing information is what is it's actual size? all we know is they "resemble oversized bees". The second missing bit of information is why these are made? Is it just to eat glass, and produce treasure? The third bit of information missing is why should the PCs fear it? Bubba the barbarian has no glass, him drink from wine skins. Bubba smash bee with wooden club. Bubba want more wine.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8
aka Benchak the Nightstalker
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Rob McCreary-Thanks for giving your interpretation on the name, may I ask what you think of the entry itself?
Nicolas Quimby-Thanks for saying so! I'll be making my rounds commenting on everyone else's entry a bit later on, I'll start with your Liesinger when I do.
Azmahel-Wow, thanks for the glowing review (and you've had lots of judging experience lately over on the rejected item thread)! Glad I managed to hit on an idea close to your heart. If my monster gets statted up, I hope you'll let me know how your planescape group does against them.
Dance of Ruin-Thanks for the feedback, that's something I've heard more than once, so I'll have to keep it in mind if I advance.
Illessa-You have my gratitude for putting me on your shortlist, and I appreciate your discussion on the name. Obviously I can't talk about what I was thinking when I named them yet, but it's definitely something I plan on explaining once the voting is over.
Kenneth.T.Cole-Again, I'm on a short leash when it comes to feedback right now, so as much as I'd love to discuss this more, I really can't. I will definitely keep your concerns in mind if I advance though, as they are certainly valid. Also, I like your stained-glass dwarves quite a bit, that's an interesting take on dwarf culture.
Charles Evans 25-Charles, you've been one of the toughest people to impress in this contest, so your review means a lot to me. Thanks for the excellent questions, and thanks for the kind words.
yoda8myhead-Thanks for putting me in the running, hope I get your vote!
Firehawk-I really wish I could respond directly to your questions, as you bring up some excellent points. Thanks for the feedback.
Sorry, no vote from me. What makes it exist at all and what makes it tick is the valuable residue in its digestive system... which is either poison, alchemical items (worth little at mid levels) or an optional special component item creation rule. And glass doesn't seem valuable enough to make a construct to get it. It's just melted sand with some reagents and you can hire hobos to smash glass if you need it that badly. Still, good luck.
Looks like this is a good year for constructs. I like.
Hm... I on the fence about this one. I like the imagery, flying glass bees are pretty cool, and from a story perspective the glass eating can make for some interesting plot hooks.
However, I don't really like monsters who specifically target PCs loot. It's not as bad as a Rust Monster but...
Goodwork on the writing/description though, might be enough to push me over to your side.
Ben,
This is a fascinating idea. Unlike some others, I don't see this as preying upon adventurer's equipment to any significant degree. It might be a suprise stunt that a potion vial gets chewed upon during combat, but I don't see this attacking treasure to the same degree as a rust monster.
I do see it being a hazard and a pest in cities, where I imagine the manufacture of glass is expensive! After all, fantasy doesn't usually equate to mass production.
That's some good design space. A public nusisance that doesn't necessarily kill people, but is hell on collatoral damage. That's a nice alternative to murder, death, kill in the big city.
I think CR balance will be an issue, and I'd look at applying some but not all construct traits.. to keep the level suitable for lower middle level ranges.
Good job! I hope to see you next round!
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stop saying you love it and begin drawing it to entice us to vote for it :P
The image is done, but I'm not releasing it until after voting is completed precisely because I don't want it give Ben an unfair edge. Not everyone in this year's RPG Superstar has the creator of the Pathfinder Paper Minis as an ex-roommate, so as Ben said, unless I'm drawing everyone's monster (which I don't have time to do), it's an extra sneaky way of getting more votes for Ben to say, "hey, look! This monster's got an illustration for it! Isn't that SWEET?" :P
You'll get to see it as soon after the votes are over as I can manage, schedule permitting.
It is a sweet drawing, though. Might even get a 3-D treatment some time. :D
The first line of the entry says that they're '...about half a foot in length...' :)
Looks like I failed my reading comprehension roll :) Thanks Charles