Kar-En-Helit, Vessel of Moeris
Male human Wizard 14/Male Human Ghost Wizard 18
Description: 6’ 2” 160 lbs. The leader of the Cabal of Moeris is an imposing figure, adorned in the ancient manner of an Osiran God-King. His shaven head, imperial features and aura of cool authority bespeak of one who is born to power. He bears a crook, flail, and Uraeus crown.
Moeris appears to be the same individual, but his skin is albino white, with glowing red eyes and a palpable aura of frigid air. He bears the same regalia, with the addition of a scarab necklace.
Motivations/Goals: Kar-En-Helit has lived his entire life within the auspices of the Cabal, being raised by his father, the previous leader. His bloodline is the strongest in generations, enough so that he could be the first suitable Vessel of Moeris in centuries. He has been taught from birth that he is the true God-King of Osirion, for whom any act is justified in regaining the throne. He does not question his fate, and sees the near completion of his plans as proof of the inevitability of his destiny, to which all else is subservient.
However, he does not understand the true nature of the Ritual of Rebirth, which he believes will enhance his power and allow the assumption of certain offices obtainable only by a true Osirian God-King. In truth, completion of the Ritual will allow the spirit of Moeris to return from the Outer Dark and possess the body of his descendent, extinguishing the soul of Kar-En-Helit in the process.
Moeris’s own plans, set in motion millennia ago, are simple enough; possess his descendent, reassume the throne of Osirion, and destroy the priesthoods that have defied and defeated his aims for so very long.
For now, The Pale King awaits in the Outer Dark, whispering to those who possess his bloodline, corrupting or deceiving them as to the true nature of the Ritual of Rebirth. For now his attention is focused on Kar-En-Helit, but that could change if another of his bloodline arises…
Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks: If the PC’s become involved in the machinations of the Cabal, then the trail will eventually lead to Kar-En-Helit, especially if the more self-serving sub-leaders of the cult direct the PC’s attention down this path.
If one of the players possesses the Bloodline of Moeris, visions and ancestral memories might guide the PC in the direction of Cabal, regardless of the player’s intentions.
The PCs might also be hired to acquire the last item of Osirion Regalia, the Scarab of Rebirth, for Kar-En-Helit, who may not trust his own servants enough for so sensitive a task.
Once the Ritual of Rebirth nears completion, mystical wards will be triggered in Osirion and across Golarion, as the priesthoods of the gods who first defied Moeris alert their worshippers that an ancient evil nears its rise. PCs may be asked to interrupt the Ritual, or failing this, destroy Moeris and any who still carry his bloodline.
Kar-En-Helit/Moeris CR 20
LE Medium Undead (augmented humanoid, human, ghost)
Init +6 [+2 dex, +4 Improved Initiative]; Senses darkvision 60 ft; Perception +10
===== Defense =====
AC) 22, touch 20, flat-footed 20; (+4 armor, +4 deflection, +2 dex, +2 luck)
hp 58 (14d6);
Fort +8, Ref +8, Will +13
Defensive Abilities Immune to all mind-affecting effects; SR 20
===== Offense =====
Spd 30 ft.
Melee Staff of Power +11/+6 [+9 BAB, +2 enhancement ] (1d6+2), Rod of Flailing +10/+10/+5 [+9 BAB, +3 enhancement, -2 extra attack] (1d8+3), Grave Touch +9/+4 (1d6+9)
Special Attacks Corrupting Gaze (Fort DC 21), Telekinesis, Manifestation
===== Tactics =====
Before Combat Moeris is not yet incarnate within Kar-En-Helit before the Ritual of Rebirth, and so does not have any spells pre-cast or prepared after the ritual is complete.
During Combat Once incarnate, Moeris will concentrate on defending himself using the Staff of Power, defaulting to the Rod of Flailing or Grave Touch if that is taken away from him. If Kar-En-Helit’s body is destroyed he will manifest as ghost with 126 hp and attack to kill those who have frustrated his aims. b]Morale[/b] Moeris will not flee combat, though he is reluctant to activate the final strike ability of the Staff of Power, for fear of destroying the Regalia. If someone destroys one or more of the set of items, then he may do so if there are enough charges, in his judgment, to wreak final vengeance upon his foes.
===== Statistics =====
Str 10, Dex 14, Con 10, Int 24, Wis 16, Cha 16
Base Atk +9/+4; CMB +9
Feats Brew Potion, Combat Casting, Craft Rod, Craft Staff, Craft Wondrous Items, Improved Initiative, Maximize Spell, Quicken Spell, Scribe Scroll, Spell Focus (Necromancy), Spell Focus, Greater (Necromancy), Spell Penetration, Spell Penetration, Greater
Skills Appraise +13, Bluff +8, Diplomacy +8, Heal +8, Intimidate +8, Knowledge (arcana) +28, Knowledge (dungeoneering) +13, Kowledge (engineering) +13,Knowledge (geography) +13,Knowledge (history) +15,Knowledge (nature) +13, Knowledge (nobility) +13, Knowledge (planes) +13, Knowledge (religion) +23, Linguistics +23, Perception +10, Sense Motive +8, Spellcraft +28
Languages Common, Elven, Draconic, Osirian, Abyssal, Infernal, Celestial, Aquan, Auran, Ignan, Terran, many ancient languages.
SQ Undead Traits (mental only)
Combat Gear Regalia of Osirion; Shepard’s Crook (Staff of Power, 50 charges), Flail (Rod of Flailing), Uraeus Crown (Headband of Intellect +4), Scarab of Life (Scarab of Protection). With the exception of the Scarab of Life all of the regalia become empowered by the Ritual of Rebirth. Before that point, the Staff is +2 Quarterstaff, the Rod is a +2 Dire Flail, and the Crown is a Headband of Intellect +2. They return to these forms if Moeris is defeated. In addition, Kar-En-Helit possesses a Ring of Protection +4, and Bracers of Armor +4.
===== Special Abilities =====
Ancestral Possession (Su) This ability allows Moeris to possess one of his descendants with a strong enough bloodline to The Pale King. This works like the Malevolence power of a ghost, which functions without fail if the Ritual of Rebirth is enacted, which summons up the spirit of the long dead God King
Director of Games
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So, the concept here is interesting, a ghost inhabiting one of his ancestors, but when I look at the stat block, I am very confused. We are not getting the stat block for the ghost itself, but for the amalgam of the ghost and his ancestor. While that might work for an encounter, it does not really allow me to run Moeris in a game, should he get forced out of Kar-En-Helit (which is likely when the very frail wizard gets murdered). To top it off, we do not know Kar-En-Helit's base stats either, should the two get separated.
The stat block here is a bit of a mess, since it is the two characters combined. The hit points are very meager for a CR 20 creature, as is its AC. The saves appear to be incorrect (they should be Fort +6, Ref +8, Will +14). Now we get on to the huge problem. Moeris is a ghost but he does not have any spells, nor do we know what school he belongs to. Although this is explained in tactics section, there is no reason he could not keep his spells. This is a terrible decision for a CR 20 monster, as spells are really the only thing he has going for him. He has too many feats, and one of them seems to cut off in mid sentence. The skills are not correct, and he appears to have spent too many points (and Perception should be at least 11, +8 for ghost, +3 for Wis). And to top it off, there is no new rules element. Although not required, this would have been a nice touch, as I could think of a number of cool gimicks you could give this Moeris.
If I were developing an adventure with this monster, I would need to rebuild it from scratch.
My Grade (on a 1-10 scale) is a 1.
Jason Bulmahn
Lead Designer
Paizo Publishing
Doyle, good work taking last round's criticism and reworking your villain. I love the new concept. You grab me right up front in a way your prior one didnt with the "The leader of the Cabal of Moeris is an imposing figure, adorned in the ancient manner of an Osiran God-King. His shaven head, imperial features and aura of cool authority bespeak of one who is born to power. He bears a crook, flail, and Uraeus crown." Great stuff. Real good Golarion villain. Nice. I like growth. That matters to me alot and you did that. You absolutely made a better villain--a much better one. That really showed me something.
But oh boy that stat block. I'm trying to see why you did it how you did it. I think I have to side with Jason on this one. Even to me--and I am hardly a stat block guru--this one makes my head hurt with the idea of reworking it.
It kills me to say it, because you did so great reconcepting your villain and growing based on the prior comments, but the stat block part was a major part of this round's test and I just think this one has too many failings. I am so sorry because I am real proud of how you responded to last round's comments. Hopefully the voters see it differently, but I do not recommend this villain advance.
Kobold Press
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The shortest entry I've seen at 1,000 words, and I go into the review hoping every one of them counts.
I like the revision to the backstory, less spymaster and more active cult. Your concept has been sharpened and refined in response to feedback. That's always a good sign in this contest.
The stat block itself makes me worry, not so much for accuracy but for the choices. An undead CR 20 with 58 hp and an AC as low as 22 is going to get demolished in melee in just a round or two. So after seeing that, I'm expecting ... some kind of trick to keep Kar-En-Helis alive. And that never happens.
The Melee line is confusing: three attack forms in a single round? Surely that's two attack types and then another option, or something?
The Tactics section likewise leaves me wondering a bit. "Once incarnate..." is a conditional phrase that doesn't actually connect to the text I've seen so far. How does this villain incarnate? Is that the ghost body with 126 hp? I'm a little confused here about how the mortal and the ghost form interact mechanically. That's not good.
There's a lot of refernces to the Ritual of Rebirth, which led me to expect a bit of ritual magic, Unearthed Arcana-style, for your new element. It's not here, which is quite a shame. I was hoping for some mechanical fireworks there, to offset the shortcomings of the stats.
Recommendation: There's a lot of improvement in the concept, but both the balance and the mechanics of the stat block leave me disappointed. Not recommended.
Description: I think the confusion here is that we're really talking about two characters--the living vessel and the ghost that wants to possess him. The description talks about both.
Stat Block:
And then the stat block talks about both of them in one body, and that's where the problems start. We don't know what Kar-En-Helit can do on his own. We don't really know what Moeris can do on his own. And when you cram them together ... we still don't know what they can do. Is this his stat block at the moment of fusion, before he gets to sit down and prepare his new batch of spells as a reborn god-king?
Bad formatting in the stat block ("Defensive Abilities Immune").
No show your math for the saves. Or the skills.
No Morale entry.
I don't really know what "SQ Undead Traits (mental only)" means.
Rule Element:
I think the new RE is supposed to be Ancestral Possession ability ... but it's just the ghost Malevolence ability, which Moeris already has. So (1) it's not really a "new" element, and (2) it's redundant for this character.
OR
There is no new RE in this villain at all, which means it fails to meet the submission requirements.
Rec: do not advance.
Disclaimer: I know nothing about the Pathfinder game, and would not have any way of judging whether the stat block is any good or not, so I confess to not having read it.
Having said which, two of the villains I voted for last round did not advance, leaving me a vote free. In the end, it came down to a choice between Brecht and Kar-en-Helit as to who would receive it. And, to be honest, I like the way this villain has changed (and I liked him before). This is a neat concept, so it gets my third vote!
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I actually liked the previous version of Kar-En, if for no other reason that I don't feel that the round 3 entry here is really for Kar-En. This entry is some weird combo entry for Kar-En and Moeris. Which of these is your villain? I read this and felt that it was a bit of a 'cheat' to include two villains in your entry, and with the stat block issues, it's not a very effective cheat. (If you're going to cheat, you better make it so cool that it's forgiven!)
After reading the text portion, I had a few places I just had to say "huh?" I had to read "Moeris appears to be the same individual" 3 times to actually realize that this is the ghost, and that he looks identical to Kar-En (which I have a hard time buying after thousands of years.) Next, "being raised by his father" is very awkward passive voice. Also, is it necessary? I think the default assumption is that most people are raised by their father. If that's not the case, then it's worth mentioning. Finally, "His bloodline is the strongest in generations" doesn't make any sense to me. Wouldn't the bloodlines get weaker and weaker each generation? How'd Kar-en's get stronger than any before?
On to the stat block, we have the amalgam of two creatures, both wizards, and we get no spells or wizard abilities for either of them, much less both. That's like giving us a commoner with good will saves. Also, the staff of power (and all staves in Pathfinder RPG) should have only 10 charges, not 50. This also makes relying on it for his tactics limited. I'd have prefered the tactics to be more specific. Details such as, he'll start by using a wall of force to split the party, followed up by hold monsters and cones of cold for instance. There's also no math, so I can't be sure, but it looks like there's no favored class bonus, or starting hp bonus from p.14 of beta.
A final thought on the stat block combined with the story is that I'd have liked to see the perfect vesssel for possession to be a great physical specimin. After all these years waiting for just the right body to possess, why's Moeris picking a whimp? A ghost is expected to have good mental stats, so juice him up with a body with good physical stats to help his saves and hps.
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I believe the last villain from Round 2 and this one are different person, the spymaster working for the cult leader...
and i liked the regrowth... but until I read the rest... i would head the advice of the judges... unfortunately there is a need to differentiate of characters... Kar-En was supposed to be a villain the PCs would confront... but his stat block just give us Moeris... the thing is... we want and need to see both.
This guy's totally reworked and I liked the previous fluff better. Now he's a guy who's waiting to ensoul his Osirian god-emperor ancestor ghost. Concept's fine, but the execution is a little confusing. Especially as it splits focus between before he emerges and after, and there's not enough info on either. As for the stat block, I'm pretty confused about what are Kar-En-Helit's stats, what are Moeris' stats, and what are the stats of Moeris-in-Kar-En-Helit. 3/10.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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I like the concept and the interesting changes you've made between rounds 2 and 3, but we just don't get enough of the TWO guys you are dealing with here to really have a good handle on what they can do. The idea is better, but the stat block fu just doesn't measure up.
Not really understanding stat blocks well, I have to base my opinions more on ideas, flavor, writing, interest, and judges comments. I really like the concept here. The previous incarnation did not get my vote, but this one may.
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Director of Brand Strategy
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Not really understanding stat blocks well, I have to base my opinions more on ideas, flavor, writing, interest, and judges comments. I really like the concept here. The previous incarnation did not get my vote, but this one may.
If you don't have a knack for statblocks, read carefully the recommendations and analysis of the four judges. It seems there's a lot of this type of comment this round, but it seems to me that even rules-light voters should get the info they need from the judges to at least take this element of the round into consideration.
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Not really understanding stat blocks well, I have to base my opinions more on ideas, flavor, writing, interest, and judges comments. I really like the concept here. The previous incarnation did not get my vote, but this one may.If you don't have a knack for statblocks, read carefully the recommendations and analysis of the four judges. It seems there's a lot of this type of comment this round, but it seems to me that even rules-light voters should get the info they need from the judges to at least take this element of the round into consideration.
that is exactly whatI do
then I check a few points that I am interested in baseof the characater and give an opinion or move along.|
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Congratulations on Superstar '09 Top 16!
Growth
Your presentation is confusing from the beginning. Either we are looking at a possessed villain, or a villain who intends to be possessed. I sure don't want 2 stat blocks based on whether or not Kar-en-Helit is possessed. You show growth, and it takes a little humility to make changes in your first villain, which I appreciate. I dig the idea so far, but I want one villain, and I'd prefer half of this "male human wizard 14/male human ghost wizard 18" to go away and just hit me with the one. Also, I am bugged about the ghost adding 4 pointa of CR. As I see it, the ghost version should be CR 14: -2 for class (I've just learned), and +2 for ghost. Then his CR changes to 20, which I really don't get. He earns the party more eeps, but he's more fragile and less capable as a mixed monster.
Mechanics
-Neither 'ghost' nor 'human' are subtyes. Your block should say 'Name and CR/male ghost (human) wizard 14/LE Medium undead (augmented humanoid) (incorporeal). Of course, the ghost isn't incorporeal as long as he possesses the body, so again we are looking at a confusing stat block.
-And...I'm done. It occurs to me you have completely integrated yourr two characters in a very messy way, and there's no part of your stat block that isn't affected by it. The whole is impossible to run without starting over and planning. The ghost has d12s, and the mortal is dead meat. The ghost has no spells, but they are both wizards..so why doesn't the mortal? It's clear to me there's no way to correct the stat block - it just doesn't meet with the rules of malevolence for ghosts, or for the magic jar spell. I know it's all different, but to me it is all wrong.
New Hotness
No new rules might not hurt you, I guess. Nothing says you have to have one. But it sure was an opportunity to show your knowledge of mechanics in a game that has room for them.
Overall
I give you credit for trying something difficult, and for modifying your original villain based on round 2 feedback. However, it is clear to me an adventure by you would have deep flaws in mechanics, and I wish you luck as you grow in your understanding of creature and encounter design. I confess, running an encounter is sometimes like singing in church. If the players don't know where you messed up, just keep singing. But asking every DM that runs your adventure to make up for your patchwork stat block is asking a lot, and if I were a developer, I wouldn't want to have to do it.
Last round I had questions, but was intrigued. This round, I'm just left shrugging ...
In the intro we have Osiran/Osirion/Osirian ... only the middle is the correct spelling. So that slapped me in the face as not getting his contry right.
Now we have the villain working to gain the powers of great-to the nth degree-granddaddy, only to be the dupe of said ancestor? Who's the villain here?
AC Touch looks wrong.
HPs for Kar-En Looks wrong, and if this is supposed to be the both of 'em combined, then it's way wrong.
No Morale section
No math shown for stats or for skills = bad
No new rule that I can see
and I honestly could not tell if this was supposed to be Kar-En, Moeris the ghost, or Moeris reborn ... which made it just a mishmash mess.
Sorry.
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I voted for this one last round. I liked him better as the spy master.
Now I can't get past the stat block being a snapshot just Moeris(Morris?) returns. The party may be smart or lucky and bring things to a climax earlier or screw up and have to face Morris at full power.
I don't think I can vote for this one again. Sorry.
Sam
honestly the spymaster came very close to snagging one of my votes last round, but this re-working left me completely uninterested in the villain. 2 of my votes this round went to villains that had been reworked and interested me a lot more this round then they did last round (well 3 actually, but one of those three I did vote for last round although he was my least favorite of those who finally did get my vote). I was hoping to see something from the spymaster, tweaked a little and given a cool statblock that would elevate him to my top four, but this total re-write and somewhat confusing presentation just didn't do it for me.
Sorry, and Good Luck.
Reminds me very much of Garoth Ursuul, God King from Night Angel Trilogy. Both good and bad, as the character was the epitome of evil, and bad as it doesnt seem this villain is playable atm. A little confused as to how exactly it's supposed to play out, a little disorganized tho.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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Not a lot to add. The villain is interesting, but the stat block is only half of what I need to run him. That decision may well have been made to stay within the contest rules, but sometimes the ground rules are a deal-breaker for a concept. But your ideas are interesting, and even if you don't advance, I hope you stick with game writing.
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Made before reading any other comments.
Mechanics: The CR is a bit clunky. It would have been better to have separate CRs for each creature, which could have an EL 20. The new rule is pretty lame; it's not really Superstar material. Also, since they're different entities until Kar-En-Helit does the Ritual of Rebirth, it would have been nice to have a stat block for before he completes it. I realize that you were trying to keep the stat blocks melded together, but it just doesn't work when there are two people in the same body. The base stats for each wizard would have been best (or just Moeris' stats). I need the calculations for abilities, skills, and combat bonuses. I need to know where the stats came from. None of this is really worth the time to go over with a fine-toothed comb; I'm gonna have to go with what my first impression is. Out of 10: 3
Fluff: Much better than the mechanics. Moeris has clear goals, as does Kar-En-Helit. One wants to be reinstated as God-King; one wants to be God-King. The dynamic of a ghost ruling the land of Osirion is kinda reciprocated by the ghost of Nex. The foolish Kar-En-Helit doesn't realize his danger until it's too late, and his soul is gone. However, the whole “vessel” thing has been overdone in Eberron. Not all of this is original, but it does have an interesting feel to it. Out of 10: 7
Playability: Moderate. Both villains have clear goals, which could easily affect many innocents. I like the idea of the PCs helping Kar-En-Helit for pay, then having to reevaluate their actions when they find out what is going to happen. One problem is the mechanics; the DM just has to trust that they're fair because he doesn't know how they were made. A pretty easy villain to play, which could be perceived as either good or bad. Out of 10: 8
Overall: The submission is fraught with typographical errors and missing colons/periods. A -3 to the overall for executionary problems. Out of 30: 15
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If I were developing an adventure with this monster, I would need to rebuild it from scratch.
My Grade (on a 1-10 scale) is a 1.
Amen.
Having said which, two of the villains I voted for last round did not advance, leaving me a vote free. In the end, it came down to a choice between Brecht and Kar-en-Helit as to who would receive it. And, to be honest, I like the way this villain has changed (and I liked him before). This is a neat concept, so it gets my third vote!
You get four votes, you know. Although I'm not sure why this entry gets a vote...
Finally, "His bloodline is the strongest in generations" doesn't make any sense to me. Wouldn't the bloodlines get weaker and weaker each generation? How'd Kar-en's get stronger than any before?
Good point.
A final thought on the stat block combined with the story is that I'd have liked to see the perfect vesssel for possession to be a great physical specimin. After all these years waiting for just the right body to possess, why's Moeris picking a whimp? A ghost is expected to have good mental stats, so juice him up with a body with good physical stats to help his saves and hps.
Just like Eberron's Inspired.
Neither 'ghost' nor 'human' are subtyes.
Isn't (human) a subtype in PFRPG?
I think that the ancestral possession could have been duplicated by purposefully failing Will saves, which you're allowed to do if you're aware of the spell or ability attempting it (or that's what I would do).Kar-en-helit seems to me more of a 'cover' villain, but that ghostly wizard thing is rubbing me up the wrong way, even though the goals/motivations are clearly now NOT a case of 'bring a god back to life' which the round 2 entry had overtones of about it.
Yeah... this ghost-human is just too darn confusing. :(
Thanks to all who commented, and especially all who voted.
I don't anticipate I'll be advancing tomorrow, so I will be able to respond to much of the feedback for the last two rounds.
Thanks again,
Doyle
Congratulations on your success! Sad that you can't advance farther this year, but you've still come a long way.