Rustin Harp, Ringleader of the Lost Carnival
male satyr bard 7
Description: Eerily merry music heralds the arrival of a peculiar but bewitching creature. The grizzled satyr is spindly and would be tall if not for his wretched posture, constantly slouching towards his audience to beckon with crooked fingers and a raspy, honey-twisted voice. Rusty brown goat legs snake from beneath his long-tailed crimson jacket, and jet black horns curl down to frame his weathered face and snaggletooth grin. Appearing unarmored and bedraggled from a long road, he instantly entertains with story and song, accompanying himself with a wheezing squeezebox or other quirky instrument pulled from thin air. This beast in garish clothing oozes with charm and folksy wit, quick to clutch his battered top hat to his chest and utter a gracious word, all the better to conceal the black heart within.
Motivations/Goals: Long ago, the proud faun Rustin Harp was ringleader of the Red Apple Company, the most amazing traveling carnival in all the land. But a mysterious holocaust consumed the carnival one night and all its wonders perished, leaving Rustin Harp shattered and alone. The raggedy bard has gone quite mad and now wanders creation consumed by his obsession to rekindle the greatest show imaginable. Though his stated aims may seem amusing at first impression, even admirable, Harp is utterly indifferent to the suffering of others and his moral compass functions only to instruct him on what lies to tell.
Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks: Dangerously obsessed with resurrecting his menagerie of acts and oddities, no foul deed is taboo. Harps is willing to kidnap new performers, swindle seed money from nobles, fleece poor villagers with snake oil scams, steal artifacts as attractions, rouse dangerous monsters for display in his freak show, and viciously ruin any enemies he might make along the way. Using his insidious bardic powers and silver tongue, this charlatan ingratiates himself wherever he goes with mournful tales of his loss and promises of wonder, drawing together patrons, rubes and strange hirelings to serve as his swords, shields, and sustenance. As such, any pursuit of Harp winds through a minefield of social traps and duped defenders. Harp always maintains plausible deniability of any overtly evil acts, feigning innocence, ignorance or contrition if confronted with his villainy. He is fond of making counter-accusations against his foes when plausible, and his preferred weapon is the angry mob. Harp could perhaps be pacified for a time if assisted in cobbling together an inspired host of attractions, but alas, delusional perfectionism inevitably spurs him to violently self-sabotage and start over, paranoid that employees have grown disloyal or dissatisfied that new acts are weak imitations of an unattainable memory. The greatest mystery of all is what truly happened to the Red Apple Company – the bard spins dozens of fascinating yet conflicting tales – but thus far, none have put their finger on whether Rustin Harp pursues his mad quest out of love… or guilt.
I like the idea of a satyr as a villain. They're usually portrayed as seducers and tricksters, and having them be evil is a novel twist.
Unfortunately, "carnival ringleader" doesn't really excite me as a villainous theme. If a carnival comes to town, the PCs usually (and rightly) suspect that something weird is going to happen.
Also, he's insane, and self-defeatingly insane. By now we have several great examples of insane-yet-terrifyingly-effective villains, such as the Joker, Hannibal Lechter, and John Doe from Se7en. The insane guy who defeats, hamstrings, or undercuts himself isn't a very noteworthy or effective villain.
Rec: do not advance.
Shoot. Some real good writing in stretches here. But I think this is another submission that confused "named monster with backstory" for a villain.
NOT recommended.
Kobold Press
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Two motivations kill a villain dead for me every time:
1) He does it because he's eeeeeeeevil.
2) He's a villain because he's INSANE.
Neither one of those actually answers the question of what makes that villain tick (and I need the answer to play the villain effectively). This design attempts to answer what drove Rustin insane (though as Ed points out, it ultimately just defers the question with a vague holocaust).
Traveling carnival, though? Really? That's been done a lot, and unless you're Nicolas Logue or Richard Pett, I'm not sure it's a great idea to try it again.
Recommendation: Some really solid prose and some originality here, but also a lack of depth to the villain once you scratch past the surface. Not recommended.
Carnival + insane equals oh so close... I like the physical description of the guy, and I like the wandering carnival, but it's been done, and the self-defeating madness doesn't really work in his favor. If you're going to present a Superstar level villain with insanity as his hook, he should be the Joker. This guy? More like the Riddler.
I would like to acknowledge the judges' feedback; Acknowledged, and thank you sirs. I look forward to the opportunity later to acknowledge all comments and critiques more specifically.
But for now I would implore that most important jury - the voting public - to consider my submission with their hearts and VOTE!
The name is what leaves me a bit cold as much as anything else. Rustin Harp is too obviously missing a 'g.' You should have just gone with Rusting or else used a better name.
Yeah, the name throws me, too, though many a professional entertainer takes on a "name" to be remembered that ties to their act ...
I want to like this one. I like the idea of the Satyr villain, but unfortunately he's a villain because he's insane, not because he's an insanely evil villain.
Close, but a miss. Sorry.
Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Reckless Ratings
Concept2
(Is this villain villainous?)
Content3
(Grammar, Format,Spelling, Etc.)
Coolness1
(Would my players be impressed by this? Am I?)
Credibility3
(Does the villain’s motives make sense?)
Clarity3
(How good a sense of how to stat this villain do we get?)
Scores out of 5 and completely based on my opinion only.
Total Score12
I want to like this one.
Then do... trust your instincts... vote with your heart... *waggles fingers* Voooote...
And the board ate my comments. *sigh*
Evil satyr. Love it. Want to vote for this. But reservations... as others have mentioned, while conceptually this rocks, I don't see how I could use him in a long-term sense. I have tons of ideas to use him with, but almost all of them involve using him as a one or two session tragic villain used by another, greater villain in the campaign.
Still, conceptually I like so many things about this, even if it's difficult to use him long-term, so you're still in the running for my vote.
I've already stated my preference for insane villains in previous entry threads, but this one just doesn't do it for me. I think you may have relied a little too heavily on the satyr aspect to explain the insanity, when it might have worked better to provide more specific detail as to what has shaped your villain's personality.
The use of the carnival also hurts this submission for me, as it's been done a lot, and as one of the judges says, tends to point the PCs in the right direction immediately. This is ok for certain types of villains, but for one who is basing their effectiveness on deception and an air of innocence, it's not that workable.
CR
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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I'm afraid my urge is to turn the page when I see "evil carnival". Even if the name Pett and/or Logue is attached. And on the subject of names, "Rustin(g) Harp" for a broken bard is groan-inducing for me. I agree with the other poster - adding the g and making it a clear stage name would have helped.
A satyr is an interesting choice, and the description is more evocative than almost any other entry.
But I'm not sold on rebuilding his shattered dreams being interesting enough. I see him stopping at town, trying his shennigans, and being planted in the ground by sunset.
I would not be unhappy to see you advance, though.
Ooh, satyr bard bad guy, me likey.
I have to agree with the others though, this falls a bit short on villainity. It is a great monster/NPC which I'd love to use in a campaign (gotta practice my Louis Armstrong voice).
And I like the name. The reference is obvious but using Rusting Harp would be the same as calling your band Lead Zeppelin or Leonard Skinner (thankfully you avoided the rock'n'roll umlauts though).
Oh, and if fey is insane, how can you tell?
I like this entry a lot, but it is not a villain per se. I won't promise my vote but you might still get it.
I don't like the fact I have to wonder what drove him over the edge.
Acknowledged. Seriously, feedback understood and acknowledged on that part.
I would not be unhappy to see you advance, though.
Bless you, sir.
And all previous insanity-related comments and critiques are thoroughly, deeply, acknowledged by me.
Thank you all for your feedback, and I still implore each and every one of you to see the good parts of the entries this round and VOTE!
Wow I love this guy! Reading that description I feel like I just walked into a Bradbury story. I was worried about the carnival thing but then when I found out there was no carnival I thought that was very cool. Saying his perferred weapon was "the angry mob" is just brilliant. Loved the writing and I want to see more from this guy. He's a sneaky bastard and hard to hunt down. Sounds like the kind of guy that would be good at sneaking away to come back and haunt the party again some other day. My favorite so far out of 21.
2/10
More of an annoying NPC than a villain. And I guess it depends on your setting, but being a nonhuman lowers the threshold of "just kill the damn thing" pretty low for most PC groups.
Like others, I was put off intiially by the name Rustin Harp. However, I grudgingly admit that it could work for a fey name. I'm not fond of it, but it does seem like something a fey creature might be called. They are goofy like that.
Then again, don't Satyr's come from Greek mythology? Nah, I dont like it. The name seems more appropriate to an Irish farie. I think you were trying to be too clever, and it backfired.
As for the submission, I feel kind of "meh". It's not the worst I've seen, but it's not the best either. You missed some opportunity for coolness and staying power here. Handcuffing him to a slow moving, easily noticed caravan, with frequent, extended stops in every village wasn't the best idea. The PC's are always going to know exactly where he is, and where he will be, and will make short work of this villan.
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I would like to acknowledge the judges' feedback; Acknowledged, and thank you sirs. I look forward to the opportunity later to acknowledge all comments and critiques more specifically.
But for now I would implore that most important jury - the voting public - to consider my submission with their hearts and VOTE!
unfortunately Ican't vote for this
he is an interesting villain for a Ravenloft's one-shot, but not a long story... he is not insane (andquite possibly, guilty), he is cursed and flawed, its interesting seeing him as a horror villain like that... butI agree with Wolf... it needs to be done masterfully... otherwise it won't deliver... I don't say you are not able... just that this was a longshot.
Honestly, he is described as so creepy that I can't imagine anyone being drawn in by him (other than by magical manipulation).
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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Evil satyr is cool, but "I'm evil cuz I'm crazy and I DON'T KNOW WHY" isn't. I think Ed put it best in another thread when he talked about the contestants trying to create an "air of mystery" about their villains by leaving some things intentionally vague.
That is a deadly mistake in this context, because this isn't a villain you're presenting to the audience (the players), it's a villain you're presenting to the stage director (the DM) to present to the players, and the director has to know what the villain is all about to be able to use him effectively.
I think Ed put it best in another thread when he talked about the contestants trying to create an "air of mystery" about their villains by leaving some things intentionally vague.
That is a deadly mistake in this context, because this isn't a villain you're presenting to the audience (the players), it's a villain you're presenting to the stage director (the DM) to present to the players, and the director has to know what the villain is all about to be able to use him effectively.
Thank you sincerely for this very, very useful feedback. I mean it.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Better flavor than some, but also over-written. Not impressed by a villain whose moral compass exists solely to allow him to get back into the limelight. Maybe a pair of competing villains who kill each others' performers, bomb each others' tents and whatnot...all because they are secretly cooperating to some end. I dunno. But really, the creepy carnival is worth about one adventure every few campaigns, and until I run Carnival of Tears a few times, I don't feel led to encourage mroe of them.
Potential to be creepy, but a true villain needs more.
EDIT: Best name among all submitted villains, though.
Quite a good character, and being an evil satyr is certainly an interesting twist. I wouldn't mind seeing this one go through, but he doesn't have true long-lasting villain potential. A minor villain, certainly, and a well done one at that, but I have a hard time seeing anything lengthy based around him.
For that reason, this one does not get one my votes. Sorry.
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I also like the evil satyr bard concept, but was not impressed by his current plans and lack of specific plot hooks. I think this is where Rustin really fails as an entry. If you had provided 3-4 specific hooks, that would have shown a series of adventures featuring Rustin, he could have shown. Instead, you don't give much other than, he comes into town, does something bad, and the PCs catch and kill him.
I'd like to see you advance to show off your originality more, but don't think you did enough to get my vote.
Definitely some of the better descriptive writing of the entrants. Perhaps a bit much in some places, though.
Not sure how you reconcile his kidnapping of performers with his deniability of evil acts. Almost all the rest of it seems like good schemes he could pull off as a cunning trickster, but keeping someone against their will would require a lot of magic, brutal oversight from his henchmen, or some impressive brainwashing. I don't see how he'd have the magic to hold it up for long enough, but the other two would be interesting and darker routes for him. I'm impressed by the methods he has, but as someone else said, breaking them out into plot hooks might have served better. I'd recommend that, with the rest of it turned into more of a description of the carnival he's reconstructing. We get an idea of the interactions he has with people, and the carnage he leaves behind him, but what is he building? Is it a mirror of his first carnival? Darkly twisted? I think that'd be more interesting, as his methods are now taboo, why isn't his carnival?
His self-sabotage is a nice quirk, but holds him back a bit too. If he's constantly rebuilding, that damages his reputation in the long run, and if his charm is all that's holding that up, he won't be able to build a new carnival at some point. ("Sure, I worked with Harp for a season, but then he went bonkers and fired us all. Don't work with him, he's not worth it.") But, eh, he is crazy.
Still, I think he may become a very interesting and effective villain if given a grand scheme.
Since the entry is creative, i'm willing to give the author the benefit of doubt (and of his well written entry), and bet he just has such an idea in store : I vote for Rustin !
My heartfelt thanks to everyone who commented on my submission for this round - both those who pointed out the things that you liked, and those who pointed out the things that you did not like. Especially the latter, because I think that part of Superstar is the ability to take editorial criticism, apply it, and create a better product at the end of the day.
Thanks again, and cheers to this entire contest, the judges, the fans and subscribers, and the games we so love to play.
GAME ON!
Congrats!
Having come out the other side of the Round 3 submission process, I wanted to acknowledge again that I feel the feedback I received here in Round 2 was extremely useful, and I especially appreciate everyone who took the time to explain their views in detail and provide some critical 'cool, but...' and 'if-only's...
Out of respect for the Round 3 voting process I shall hold my tongue (fingers) from flapping in any further detail and let my Round 3 submission serve as my speech.
Those of you who voted for Rustin Harp here in Round 2, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Much love.