CEO
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Hey y'all:
A very saavy man at Wired.com published the following parody about all the arguments over the edition wars. Made me laugh, so I figured I would pass it along.
-Lisa
Cookbooks are a lot like Dungeons & Dragons and other role-playing games. They contain seemingly rigid rules that, in practice, require a certain amount of adaptation for your own tastes.
So how come cooking gets its own TV channel and role-playing games don't even get a show on G4? Maybe the population at large doesn't want to pretend to be a half-elf. Maybe RPGs take more imagination than most people have.
However, it just might have something to do with the role-playing community. If geeks talked about cookbooks the way they talk about RPG books, the results would not be pretty:
Posted: 12:15 a.m. by LordOrcus I'm so mad that there's a new edition of The Better Joy Cookbook out. Thanks for making my old copy obsolete, you greedy hacks! For five years now, my friends have been coming over for my eggplant Parmesan, and now I'm never going to be able serve it again unless I shell out 35 bucks for the latest version.
Posted: 12:42 a.m. by Kathraxis Hey, I have a question! When you preheat the oven, can you start it before you measure out the ingredients, or do you have to do it afterward? Please answer quickly, my friends and I have been arguing about it for four hours and we're getting pretty hungry.
Posted: 12:48 a.m. by Goku1440 I found an awesome loophole! On page 242 it says "Add oregano to taste!" It doesn't say how much oregano, or what sort of taste! You can add as much oregano as you want! I'm going to make my friends eat infinite oregano and they'll have to do it because the recipe says so!
Posted: 1:02 a.m. by barrybarrybarry I can't believe I spent 35 dollars on a cookbook that doesn't have a recipe for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When I buy a cookbook, I expect it to tell me how to cook. And don't tell me to just make a PBJ myself, I'm not some sort of hippy artist pretentious "freeform cook."
Posted: 1:08 a.m. by jvmkanelly Where are the recipes for chatting with friends while cooking? Where are the recipes for conversation over the meal? When I throw a dinner party, I want it to be a PARTY. I guess the idiots who use the Better Joy Cookbook just cook and eat in stony silence, never saying a word or even looking each other in the eye.
Posted: 1:23 a.m. by LordOrcus Hey, guess what? They're coming out with The Better Joy Book of Hors D'oeuvres. It just goes to show that the publishers are a bunch of corporate greedheads who care more about money than they do about cooking. Is it too much to ask for a single cookbook that contains all possible recipes?
Posted: 1:48 a.m. by specsheet Hey, everyone. I can tell just by reading the recipe that if you prepare eggs benedict as written, the sauce will separate. My mom always said the other kids made fun of me because they were jealous of my intelligence, so I must be right. Everyone who's saying that they followed the recipe and it came out perfect is either lying, or loves greasy separated hollandaise sauce.
Posted: 1:52 a.m. by IAmEd As I have pointed out MANY TIMES, several of these recipes contain raisins, and I, like most people, am ALLERGIC to raisins! And before you tell me to substitute dried cranberries, I will reiterate that I am discussing the recipes AS WRITTEN. I do not appreciate your ATTACKING ME with helpful suggestions!
Posted: 2:12 a.m. by Herodotus I just have to laugh at the recipe for Beef Wellington. In Wellington's day, ovens didn't have temperature settings! And pate de foie gras certainly didn't come in cans. It's like the authors didn't even care about replicating authentic early 19th century cooking techniques!
Posted: 2:17 a.m. by LordOrcus I have read the new Better Joy Cookbook and I am devastated to my very core. Their macaroni and cheese recipe, the very macaroni and cheese I've been making since I was in college, has been ravaged and disfigured and left bleeding on the page. Where once it contained only cheddar cheese, now the recipe calls for a mix of cheddar and Colby. It may contain macaroni, and it may contain cheese, but it is not macaroni and cheese. This is a slap in the face and a knife in the gut. You have lost me, Better Joy Cookbook. I would bid you goodbye, but I wish you nothing but the pain and rage you have delivered unto me.
Delicious.
I'm still eating 1st Edition eggplant parmesan. And who needs these new-fangled calorie counters? And what the hell is up with all this "low fat" crap!?
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This is awesome!
This really should be made a sticky post; no, this should be e-mailed to EVERY MEMBER of these boards, with a 'high-priority', and a 'read-receipt', so they are FORCED to reply, before being allowed to post on these threads!
Bravo!
EDIT: Beaten to the post. SIX TIMES! Do you people not sleep?
I've heard that 5th edition macaroni & cheese will mandate low-fat cheddar. *shudder*
Most of the time, I really dislike Lore Sjöberg's articles (in fact, most of them make me wonder why in the name of the powers that be Wired keeps him on staff). But that one was funny as hell.
Basement dwelling cretin is as basement dwelling cretin does, mama used to say.
Oh great, the edition wars, something I though was only a ‘private’ embarrassment limited to the gaming culture is drifting into the mainstream.
The ‘edition wars’ are stunningly similar to the unrest in the middle east sans the loss of life (I hope). Both sides doing terrible things to one another claiming the other side started it all in the name of one’s personal beliefs.
This is an awesome post, made even funnier to me by the cooking references. :D
Very funny. Thanks for the link.
Tim,
Somedays the world laughs at you, and somedays you laugh at the world.
Edition wars are never fun, but they come about somewhat infrequently. Best to find what small enjoyments you can from them (even if that involved some self-deprecating humor!)
Cheers! :)
People are unreasonable. We are emotional creatures. It is a gift and a bane. People’s capacity for love and hate surprises me daily.
I nearly cried with laughter at this.
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Now, when the dust settles (probably by the end of 2009, we'll need to ask Lore to update his Geek Hierarchy chart with the state of the RPG hobby and expand the "Roleplaying gamers" box on the chart.
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Nice way to lighten the air, Lisa. Great read. This guy really understands our game, - thanks.
Now... back to the business of thrashing 4e:
It may contain macaroni, and it may contain cheese, but it is not macaroni and cheese. This is a slap in the face and a knife in the gut. You have lost me, Better Joy Cookbook. I would bid you goodbye, but I wish you nothing but the pain and rage you have delivered unto me.
lol
The only thing is that professional chefs don't fight with snarky board postings, they scream and hurl knives at each other. I've seen it, it ain't pretty ;)
Satire truly is the mirror in which a person sees everyone but him or herself...
I am so going to use the following:
"I see you are cooking using houserules, personally I always cook by the RAW (recipe as written)."
Now I am waiting for the D&D version of this guy: Aaron
Oh, man. That was too accurate! Haha!
I agree with Chris: 80% of what Lore writes is pretty weak, but the remaining 20% is comedy gold. :-)
Satire truly is the mirror in which a person sees everyone but him or herself...
I disagree.
Satire truly is the mirror in which a person sees everyone but him or herself...
I think that understanding of a truly witty satire often escapes the victim. Many of Swift's targets had to be told that he was mocking them, for example.
Blunt satire, though forceful and obvious, can still be very funny, but I don't find it to be as brilliant as the satire that slips past censors and makes it onto the victim's bookshelf without him or her knowing.
When making eggplant soup, you can use the variant "mush the eggplant" method from page 35 of the third edition of the "Saucemaker's Guide To Vegetables". It completely solves the problems you are having with getting the soup to settle.
Great find, I Lol:ed!
Blunt satire, though forceful and obvious, can still be very funny, but I don't find it to be as brilliant as the satire that slips past censors and makes it onto the victim's bookshelf without him or her knowing.
If you believe beyond a shadow of doubt that you are correct, it is time to reconsider.
I think that understanding of a truly witty satire often escapes the victim. Many of Swift's targets had to be told that he was mocking them, for example.Blunt satire, though forceful and obvious, can still be very funny, but I don't find it to be as brilliant as the satire that slips past censors and makes it onto the victim's bookshelf without him or her knowing.
I always remember the one passage from Gulliver's Travels where he goes to Japan and refuses to tread on the Bible to enter the country (as the Dutch traders of the time were required to do). Thanks to a letter of introduction from another emporer he is allowed in without having to do this, which annoys the Dutch Traders who complain that he doesn't have to do it. The Japanese personage then says that Gulliver must be that rarest of all Europeans, a Christian.
DISCLAIMER: I'm sure I am not remembering the passage at all correctly, forgive me it was 20 years ago and many many braincells lost. But I still remember the gist of that witty little satirical barb to this day.
EDIT: I just had to refresh my memory ... gawd I love the Internet:
Actual passage:
If you believe beyond a shadow of doubt that you are correct, it is time to reconsider.
So true.