Settlers, Pictish Backgammon, Zingara Stratego, Argos Connect Four, Hungry Keshan Hippos,
and the ever popular Cimmeropoly. These games offered Conan a
chance to have some good old fashioned family fun with
Sonja, something which made Thoth Amon extremely jealous. "Damn that
wench! And damn all those yellow and purple tigers too!
Not to mention those "men" who cry when they lose."
And those foolish tiger men, who mock the great Alligator
which is well known for crying when Conan bends it
around his knee. Conan had to layoff his staff today.
The day drew to it's end, and Conan decided to
go forth and conquer some poor bastard whom he had
Heard had a stash of pristine X-Men comics upstairs in
a secret attic chamber. "By thrice damned Set", declared Conan
when he saw somebody had beaten him to
the attic. "I wanted #143, where Kitty Pride fought alone
against hordes of neverending foes, rending left and right with
with extended claws." Then added, "#144 sucked, because Nina fell
off the roof of the X-mansion, breaking her leg and
bruising a rib. Elsewhere, Conan's foes made landfall. Ten stout
Picts, each carrying a wickedly curved sword strapped to his
Magic(tm) Decks. These Picts meant business when it came to
hunting men down. Shazar, the leader, can flick a card
through good Aesir chain mail and sever a man's thorax
with very little effort. The Pictish shaman was known to
deal the best cards only when utterly drunk, this was
known as "Dirty Pictish" in the nomenclature of Aquilonian Holdem
and Foldem. Somehow, Conan silently vowed to himself, there would
be no trickery, nor sneaks, at tonight's Strip-the-Pict-of-Skin game. "I
will split the skull of the first camel to try
pull and ace out of my ass. Wait, did I
just agree to rob the Tower of the Camel?" Never
rob a camel, they're mean and they bite really hard!
Thoth Amon disagreed with Conan about the necessity of robbing
a cult whose main form of revenue was
recycled colostomy bags. Conan wept. Thoth Amon snickered
at the barbarians sorrow. "This is why you can never
launch a business enterprise with choatic good characters. They just
don't understand the intricacies of finance and advertising." Conan resented
being stereo-typed. He was good at chess, and liked woman's
clothing, especially the silk stuff. It always made him feel
more confident when he began negotiations with the Amazon tribal
field hockey team. Everyone had to wear matching uniforms consisting
short, above the knee, woolen jersey, and a two-handed battle-axe.
Lost in reverie, the thick-armed barbarian was caught unprepared ...
One field hockey girl sprang onto his back. Her legs
formed a rare, yet deadly choke hold around his sweaty
neck and she was strong enough to cause him to
act or be choked out. With each hand he locked
to an ankle, and pried her firm, supple legs apart.
He reveled in the glory of her crotch. He wondered
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