Conan The Barbarian: The Ten Word Game


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the Stygian capital to start his new career as a

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troubadour known as the "Buff Bard". Unfortunately on the way


there, he was followed by kobolds who wanted his KFC.

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They set a cunning trap for the would-be bard:

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A pile of bird seed which, when eaten, would trigger


nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and diarrhea. The trap also

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inflicted the curse of the ancient Atlanteans, which when triggered


would trigger Trigger, the Lone Ranger's horse, who would then

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repeatedly kick Conan "the Would-Be Buff-Bard" in his


junk. When combined with the effects of the birdseed, this

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produced a veritable cornucopia of pain, misery, and degradation. Conan


loved playing dodgeball, which involves a lot of pain, misery

Grand Lodge

and degradation. He would sometimes throw the ball so hard

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that it would move through time and strike some poor


warmonger teaching younger Conan, "If you can dodge a bull,

Liberty's Edge

you can mess with the bull and NOT get the


bull's black dingus stuck somewhere that even depraved Thoth-Amon couldn't

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shake it loose, though he would thoroughly enjoy trying! But

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I digress in ways not meant to be seen by

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the eyes of the same people who made Pathfinder #3.


Black Dingus had been Conan's nemesis since the fall of


Hyperion hit the shelves in 1990, a year Conan spent

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in an intoxicated stupor in a smuggler's opium den in


Bombay, with a slack jaw and not much to say

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on subjects involving mushrooms, midgets, and Red Sonja. Speaking of

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the leather clad temptress, she was off pounding sand in

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some mental institution because she could not get the image

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of Conan's sweaty man-thighs out of her dirty mind.

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A Stygian mental institution, slowly being turned into a vile

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biker bar for heavyset men with greying beards and no

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colostomy bags to call their own, just a couple that

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get passed around on the Holy Days and used communally.

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"Speaking of haunted and vile Stygia", bellowed Conan, "Does anyone

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know the location of the Real Ghostbusters?" He would have


sang "who you gonna call?!", but Sonja had threatened to

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rip his tongue out if he ever mentioned it again.

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So Conan just bit into his bottom lip and decided

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that discretion was the better part of not being mauled

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and decided to try to build his own nuclear-powered


"back massager," needed to keep Sonja's uneathly lust under control

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Of course, to acquire nuclear materials, he had to Stygia;

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"Stygia" being a new verb used to describe dancing on


an enormous mound of yellowcake uranium and, over time, making

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weapons-grade Uranium. Having stygiad an appropriate amount, Conan had


applied to Iran to use their cascade centrifuges, but was

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denied because of bad credit ratings. Frustrated, Conan ran for


Fannie Mae, a powerful Outsider that could help, if saved

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from disastrous support of sub-prime sorcery, the spawn of


candiru -- the very fish from page 6 that Thoth-Amon wanted

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to have for supper. So he handed Conan a pole

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