Senior Software Developer
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Thank you.
It's too soon for me to have any real perspective, or write anything meaningful about that cat. Forty-eight hours ago, he was still alive, and then thirty-four hours ago, he was not.
It was my doing.
I have been there for other lives, lives shut down when things weren't going to get any better. A couple of cats, my father, but this is the first time I have been the sole agent, the actor, the one who said, "I think it's time."
Yesterday Lisa asked me at lunch what was bothering me because she could tell I was down. All I could say was, "I had to put Spooky down this morning," and started to choke. Immediately she got up and gave me a big, long hug. That human contact meant more to me than I think she knows. Other than the Spook, I have been alone for years. His love for me, his affection, him on my shoulder, scritching him on the nose and under the chin, his purrs, his need to be in my face, and climb on my chest and be close to me.... that has been the constant in my life for the better part of two decades.
Today I was doing better. The distractions of keeping the site running while it was hammered for round 3, figuring out where I could omit database queries, optimize stuff to keep it all going, distracted me and that was good. There are a hundred things on my to-do list, and that's good too.
It's just a cat. GYOBFW. I know. Still it hurts. By the time I got through the door tonight I was sobbing. I've known for a long time -- a couple years at least -- that some day I might wake up to find him dead. And I guess I always knew in the back of my head somewhere that I might not, that I might have to make the decision to take the life of someone that meant so much to me that I will probably spend years learning to understand that decision.
I told the vet that I had been hoping that I would find him dead that morning. He said, cats never make it easy.
So you make a list of everything he enjoys. When the list gets too small, it's time. At the end, his list was down to "get scritched under chin." Sunday I left for a couple hours and returned to find diarrhea stains on every surface in the apartment. Kitchen, bathroom, carpets, everywhere. So I put him in the dog crate I got him when he tore his ACL a couple years back.
Instead of curling up on the cat couch there, he kept circling. He stepped in his food bowls and the water bowl. Eventually I figured out that he needed a racetrack around the edges of the crate, and moved everything toward the center so he could do what he needed to do, which was circle clockwise continually for hours and cry. He didn't know me, he didn't know who he was. He just wanted to get away from everything.
He gave me a scare on Christmas day, and I knew this was how it was going to end. He came to me and started crying. He didn't know who he was, he didn't know who I was. I told him repeatedly that he was Spooky the Mighty Hunter, that he was the Best thing of all the things, that he was my Spooky, my good kitty, all things that I've said to him over the years so he would have an anchor, something that would help him remember who he was. A half hour or so worked, but I knew that the end would eventually come with many whimpers and finally him not knowing what was going on.
He did well for a time. A week ago I had to bring him in to the vet. He did better for a handful of days.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I know sometime, this weekend, I'll have to clean my apartment. After that I won't need to remember where the latest cat puke is, I won't need to step carefully. I'll be able to go anywhere without thinking about stepping in it. For now, though, the place is a mess, and the signs of his presence are everywhere, and maybe that's OK for right now.
I miss him like crazy.
If I don't die too much earlier than expected, I will end up missing him longer than he was ever alive. What the hell?
Joining the ranks of Unemployment... I just got laid off!!! :shakefist:
Curses! Sorry to hear that, Hugo. You have any leads? Plans?
Curses! Sorry to hear that, Hugo. You have any leads? Plans?
I had plans on quiting by june-july, so I do have plans but to get in action so soon.... I'll post up some of these plans in the boards soon.
Thanks Mairkurion!
Curses! Sorry to hear that, Hugo. You have any leads? Plans?I had plans on quiting by june-july, so I do have plans but to get in action so soon.... I'll post up some of these plans in the boards soon.
Thanks Mairkurion!
I feel your pain Froggie (just got laid off recently as well)...
Joining the ranks of Unemployment... I just got laid off!!! :shakefist:
Sorry to hear that Hugo. I hope everything goes right for you.
Sorry to hear about your job Hugo. Well, sort of. Okay, rephrase. Sorry to hear about your loss of paycheck, Hugo. I know from a lot of what you've said before that your boss was driving you nuts. Hopefully this will end up being a good thing in the long run. Although it never feels like it at the time.:(
Thanks guys... Lets start an unemployed thread!!! :D
Thanks Lynora... you are certainly right! I do needed a change of profession, and now I'll get to it
Damn, sorry to hear all the bad news.
The day I signed the lease for this apartment, a new vendor came into the company where I work making fake books and made the pitch to my boss in front of us. Basically: "You don't need these people! I have a machine that can replace all of them!" I'm not too worried, but it wasn't the most reassuring thing I had heard that day.
Oh, and James....I'm gonna make a Play Doh voodoo fetish of that guy. What a jackhole.
Thanks. Make sure you give him a Long Island accent. The thing is, my boss just came out with the "I, Robot" argument; why make a machine to do something when it can be done just as well and with much less expense by a person?
Oh, and James....I'm gonna make a Play Doh voodoo fetish of that guy. What a jackhole.
Yeah, that sort of gross insensitivity is exactly why parking lot beat downs were invented.
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... having someone point out some questionable material on one of your kids' MySpace page. Material you spent your entire mentoring time with them saying "Don't do ..."
Of course now it also brings up all sorts of issues such as my trust in them, their trust in me ("How could you look me up!?!" - like it was my fault or something), how it affects my professional life, our public/church life, etc etc etc.
They're tryin to pull the ol bamboozle over on Dad, eh TigerDave? I told my nephews the same thing I told my daughter back in the day. If you don't won't me to see it, it better not be out where anybody can see it. Hang tough.
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Damn, sorry to hear all the bad news.
The day I signed the lease for this apartment, a new vendor came into the company where I work making fake books and made the pitch to my boss in front of us. Basically: "You don't need these people! I have a machine that can replace all of them!" I'm not too worried, but it wasn't the most reassuring thing I had heard that day.
The dude wasn't from Cyberdine systems was he?
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... having someone point out some questionable material on one of your kids' MySpace page. Material you spent your entire mentoring time with them saying "Don't do ..."
Of course now it also brings up all sorts of issues such as my trust in them, their trust in me ("How could you look me up!?!" - like it was my fault or something), how it affects my professional life, our public/church life, etc etc etc.
Doesn’t sound great. Yeah, kids and technology scare me. I don’t know exactly what your kid might have posted, but it boggles my mind to hear statistics like (to pull a random but probably not too far off number) 60% of teen girls have posted or messaged nude photos of themselves. Wrong man. And I think people of our generation, while we might use Facebook and Myspace and text messages and such, we just don’t really understand how pervasive that all is for our teenage kids now … or how much more its going to be when our toddlers get to that age.
Whoa. I sound old…
Don't want to launch the Parent Freakout Rocket, but there was some pretty scary news from MySpace today...
Bummer about the jobs Hugo and Patrick. Sounds like Froggy has some plans in the works … how are things looking for you Pat?
Well, my job is in the construction field, and that is a dicey thing these days. I was told that it is a temporary layoff, and that I'll be put back on in March, but I am not confident with the current administration that this recession will be going anywhere. Hopefully I will be proven wrong and things will improve come spring. Otherwise it's back to school and another degree in something.
why make a machine to do something when it can be done just as well and with much less expense by a person?
Have you seen "The Mangler?"
Just got a company wide e-mail two days ago: No merit raises this year.
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Bummer about the jobs Hugo and Patrick. Sounds like Froggy has some plans in the works … how are things looking for you Pat?Well, my job is in the construction field, and that is a dicey thing these days. I was told that it is a temporary layoff, and that I'll be put back on in March, but I am not confident with the current administration that this recession will be going anywhere. Hopefully I will be proven wrong and things will improve come spring. Otherwise it's back to school and another degree in something.
I'd advise on back to school; nothing to do with which administration, just that nobody can realistically slam the brakes on this mess.
The kid got sent to the principal's office. I wanted him to have a better school experience than I did. Instead it's just same song, second verse.
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The kid got sent to the principal's office. I wanted him to have a better school experience than I did. Instead it's just same song, second verse.
*Hug*
Yes, I know this song too.Older episode: 10 year old son tells a girl to "F*** off", punches her and knocks her down, then does the finger/throat slit motion.
Recent episode (note - new school): Tells everyone in the playground to "F*** off", gathers up his gear and just walks to where mom is waiting to pick him up, tells her that since last period is recess the teachers say its okay for him to go now. About 5 minutes after getting home, we are getting a phone call from the school telling us they can't find our son and do we have him ...
There are at least a score of issues just like this I could divulge.
Stiff upper lip! I'd like to say it gets better ...
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Getting in a wreck and going to court to either get a break on the points or get a break on the fines.
Get the points, have my fines doubled, and be ordered to go to traffic school.
And the best part is that he knew adding points to my liscence wouldn't hurt me because I ride a motorcycle and legally don't need insurance, but that it hurts my wife because even though its her car and its her insurance, and neither were involved in the wreck, her rates go up because she lives with me. So he knew he was giving me the points just to hurt my wife's insurance because she lives with me.
Get the points, have my fines doubled, and be ordered to go to traffic school.
Many epochs ago, when the world was still cooling, the great State of Michigan volunteered me for "reeducation," before kindly issuing me a green license with no picture (I like to get where I'm going in as short a time as possible). Although I resented it mightily, it was enlightening, and to this day I still tap my breaks to alert fellow drivers before coming to a complete stop.
I fear for us all as the drivers of my age group grow older. The bygone era of the meatgrinder driver's ed.
The kid got sent to the principal's office. I wanted him to have a better school experience than I did. Instead it's just same song, second verse.*Hug*
Yes, I know this song too.Older episode: 10 year old son tells a girl to "F*** off", punches her and knocks her down, then does the finger/throat slit motion.
Recent episode (note - new school): Tells everyone in the playground to "F*** off", gathers up his gear and just walks to where mom is waiting to pick him up, tells her that since last period is recess the teachers say its okay for him to go now. About 5 minutes after getting home, we are getting a phone call from the school telling us they can't find our son and do we have him ...
There are at least a score of issues just like this I could divulge.
Stiff upper lip! I'd like to say it gets better ...
Still waiting for that day myself. Daughter 14, 3 sons - 18, 20, and 23. Still remember discovering my oldest had been forging our signatures on teacher slips. Other stuff with the other ones.
Daughter wants a MySpace. We said 'no'. She wants to IM, we said 'no'. I know, we're pricks.
My kid is in kindergarten. Who (other than me) gets sent to the principal's office in kindergarten? Well, and my friend's kid. Basically ADHD+school= bad. And I can't home school him. I don't have the attention span for it.:(
And I had a legitimate gripe with something that the teacher is doing that I can't really bring up now even though it contributed to the situation. But if I say something it just looks like I'm trying to take the blame off of my kid. Grr.
Thanks for the hug. And the words of...encouragement? :)
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My kid is in kindergarten. Who (other than me) gets sent to the principal's office in kindergarten? Well, and my friend's kid. Basically ADHD+school= bad. And I can't home school him. I don't have the attention span for it.:(
And I had a legitimate gripe with something that the teacher is doing that I can't really bring up now even though it contributed to the situation. But if I say something it just looks like I'm trying to take the blame off of my kid. Grr.
Thanks for the hug. And the words of...encouragement? :)
Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here, since my theory is ADD/ADHD "exists" simply so Pharm companies can sell Adderol and Ritalin.
There is probably nothing even remotely wrong with your kid. I've seen plenty of kids who were perfectly normal all day long, and who got bored and daydreamed in school (usually because either the work was a) too easy, b) a bit too hard, or c) the teacher was a bore) and wound up on one of the ADD drugs. Yeah, create a drug dependence to "solve" a "problem" that doesn't exist to nearly the extent people pushing pills make out.
Gosh, maybe elhi schools should just cut out the middle man and set up meth labs in the janitors' closets.
(Sorry about the rant, but like I said, I've seen a lot of kids get twisted on drugs they really didn't need...)
My kid is in kindergarten. Who (other than me) gets sent to the principal's office in kindergarten? Well, and my friend's kid. Basically ADHD+school= bad. And I can't home school him. I don't have the attention span for it.:(
And I had a legitimate gripe with something that the teacher is doing that I can't really bring up now even though it contributed to the situation. But if I say something it just looks like I'm trying to take the blame off of my kid. Grr.
Thanks for the hug. And the words of...encouragement? :)
Good luck. My wife is an assistant in K-6, and is loving the kindergarteners. She replaced another TA that wasn't so nice/patient, and many of the kids with problems have become good kids once again. Amazing how that works, isn't it? It works the same with teachers, but getting that to change is tough.
*Hug*
My kid is in kindergarten. Who (other than me) gets sent to the principal's office in kindergarten? Well, and my friend's kid. Basically ADHD+school= bad. And I can't home school him. I don't have the attention span for it.:(
And I had a legitimate gripe with something that the teacher is doing that I can't really bring up now even though it contributed to the situation. But if I say something it just looks like I'm trying to take the blame off of my kid. Grr.
Thanks for the hug. And the words of...encouragement? :)Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here, since my theory is ADD/ADHD "exists" simply so Pharm companies can sell Adderol and Ritalin.
There is probably nothing even remotely wrong with your kid. I've seen plenty of kids who were perfectly normal all day long, and who got bored and daydreamed in school (usually because either the work was a) too easy, b) a bit too hard, or c) the teacher was a bore) and wound up on one of the ADD drugs. Yeah, create a drug dependence to "solve" a "problem" that doesn't exist to nearly the extent people pushing pills make out.
Gosh, maybe elhi schools should just cut out the middle man and set up meth labs in the janitors' closets.
(Sorry about the rant, but like I said, I've seen a lot of kids get twisted on drugs they really didn't need...)
It's easy to say that ADHD doesn't exist when you don't have it. I'll agree that it's an overdiagnosed condition and that many kids shouldn't be treated with drugs when behavioral therapy can be every bit as effective. And then there are those of us who honest to god have a difference in our brain chemistry. I am not now, nor have I ever been on Ritalin. My parents were violently opposed to it. So instead I had to go through a very difficult process of learning to cope without any help. There are things that I do that make no sense to others. I can't just sit and do anything. Ever. I have to have my attention divided or I can't function. And that's me as an adult. When I was a kid and didn't have as good of impulse control, or access to massive amounts of caffeine to self-medicate, I was a nightmare. A constantly in trouble, bouncing off the walls nightmare.
I admit, I sometimes give my kid a Mountain Dew to get him to calm down, but for the most part I'm trying to let him learn how to cope on his own so he can learn what works and what doesn't. But there may come a point when medication is necessary and I'm prepared to make that call. And prepared to make absolutely sure that all other options are thoroughly exhausted first. I help out in the classroom every week so I can see for myself exactly what is going on. And I plan to stay involved and available so I can make sure that my child doesn't get lost in the system. And for now he doesn't have an official diagnosis of ADHD. For starters, you can't actually get a reliable diagnosis in a child under seven. All I can do is try to work with those behaviors that look like ADHD. And hope that he gets through it all okay.|
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You are doing it right. Get involved, know the facts, don't take someone's word for it.
I think a lot of the problem with kids being over-diagnosed is a lack of parental knowledge/involvement. Quite a few parents just take the school's word on an issue that could have a serious impact on a child's life.
I know there are some people who really do have probelms, and I appologize for being too general in my post.
:)
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My kid is in kindergarten. Who (other than me) gets sent to the principal's office in kindergarten?
I got sent to the principal's office all the time when I was in kindergarten. I wasn't a bad kid, I just marched to the tune of a different drummer. I was never diagnosed with anything or had to take any drugs thank goodness, I think some kids just do things their own way until they figure the rules out on their own.
You are doing it right. Get involved, know the facts, don't take someone's word for it.
I think a lot of the problem with kids being over-diagnosed is a lack of parental knowledge/involvement. Quite a few parents just take the school's word on an issue that could have a serious impact on a child's life.
I know there are some people who really do have probelms, and I appologize for being too general in my post.
:)
No worries, man. It's just kind of a hot button for me. Too many people telling me that I was just imagining it and that I just needed to try harder. Bleh. And I do tend to get up in arms rather quickly over things I feel strongly about. No shock to anyone that I feel strongly about my child :)
Spooky
I'm so sorry, Gary.
That "it's just a cat" thing is nonsense. Love is love, and we're lucky to get it while we can, regardless of the source. Animals are often so one-sided and uncomplicated in their sharing of affection that their friendship may seem even purer than that of other people.
Rest in peace, Spooky.
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And I had a legitimate gripe with something that the teacher is doing that I can't really bring up now even though it contributed to the situation. But if I say something it just looks like I'm trying to take the blame off of my kid. Grr.
Me: I don't believe Seth feels he has any 'allies' here. He comes home stating that everyone hates him, etc. The issues you see here at school he NEVER exhibits at home.
Counselor: Oh, I know that's not true. We've talked with him and he knows if he has an issue he can come and see us. Let's call him in and see ...
Seth: No. I don't think there's anyone here I can turn to for help.
Counselor: Seth, you know ... <wheedle wheedle lead lead>
One of the issues I had with the old school was that I felt they were too busy playing school and not being educators. In other words, everyone was so stuck in their routines on how school is supposed to be run, and expected every child to fit into his spot like a little sprocket, and everything would run just fine, thank you. Unfortunately, Seth is just entirely too much his own person. He, like others, marches to the sounds of his own drums, and the best we can do is encourage him to appreciate the rattatatat of other drummers as well.
The biggest thing I want to encourage you on is not to be cautious in taking a stand. If there's an issue with the instructor, chances are other children are having the same issues. You have a RIGHT to look to the best welfare for your child. What's the WORST they can do? Assume that you're just saying things to keep your kid "out of trouble". What's the BEST they can do? Take a look at those issues and see if there's some truth to it. Say nothing, however, and you automatically default to the WORST category anyways. Just make sure that when you address it, you phrase it so it isn't an attack ...
"While I know that there are certain issues that are indeed the responsibility of myself and my son, I do have to say that I am concerned about ..." Just make it into a "Meet me halfway" and you'd be surprised where that can take you.
Regardless, hug and love and cherish your child, no matter how frustrated you get. I've found that just letting Seth know that I love him and respect him even if he had "a bad day" automatically takes him off of the defense and then we can get to reviewing how he can handle things better in the future.
(Three boys - 17, 16, and 11)
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The kid got sent to the principal's office. I wanted him to have a better school experience than I did. Instead it's just same song, second verse.*Hug*
Yes, I know this song too.Older episode: 10 year old son tells a girl to "F*** off", punches her and knocks her down, then does the finger/throat slit motion.
Kid sounds an awful lot like me at that age...
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Daughter wants a MySpace. We said 'no'. She wants to IM, we said 'no'. I know, we're pricks.
And you're right.
All of this new technology is keeping kids indoors way too much. Kids need to get out of the house, hang out with their friends face to face, and experience life on their own terms, not electronically.
F#*+, I sound old... This isn't fair! I just passed twenty! I'm not supposed to be a curmudgeon until I hit forty!
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Ok, I'm going to go out on a limb here, since my theory is ADD/ADHD "exists" simply so Pharm companies can sell Adderol and Ritalin.
There is probably nothing even remotely wrong with your kid. I've seen plenty of kids who were perfectly normal all day long, and who got bored and daydreamed in school (usually because either the work was a) too easy, b) a bit too hard, or c) the teacher was a bore) and wound up on one of the ADD drugs. Yeah, create a drug dependence to "solve" a "problem" that doesn't exist to nearly the extent people pushing pills make out.
Gosh, maybe elhi schools should just cut out the middle man and set up meth labs in the janitors' closets.
(Sorry about the rant, but like I said, I've seen a lot of kids get twisted on drugs they really didn't need...)
Totally agree there. One of my good friends has permanent nerve damage because they put him on high-test antidepressants when he was FOUR. The dude's twenty years old, and he shakes like a sixty-year-old. And I got put on the same type of drugs when I was twelve, and all that I have to show for it is mounting medical bills and a chemical dependency.