Dear Bizarro.
How do I get more people to post on the Food!, Drink!, And Stuff! thread? I am certain that all the wonderfully talented people, on these here boards, that there must be culinary wisdom that is being held back.
Me am not realizing that Bizarro have been gone long time from duties.
Heh, Bizarro not get chuckle out of saying "duty." Heh.
Me not concerned at all that loyal fans of advice column not able to sort out own problems, so Bizarro am not sorry at all.
All that having been left unspoken, Bizarro not decide to try something new for advice column, but first, Bizarro not need to clear up some old questions, so for no help with that, let me not proudly present special guest . . . Ao.
Er, um . . . sorry, just talking to my agent on the old celly . . .
So, um, Bizarro wanted me to clean up a few questions for him before moving on into his bright and shiny new direction for his column, so, without further ado . . .
I was going to directly implant the answers to all of the questions in everyone's minds that still had an unanswered question, but instead of that, I decided to travel back in time and erase all of the questions that weren't answered, so that they never happened.
Handy huh.
So, um . . . WOTC? If you're out there . . . just remember . . . I can do stuff like that. Joe Quesada has Mephisto on his speed dial just for things like this, and I'm a lot more pleasant to be around, just saying.
So, um, back to Bizarro.
Isn't there a Bizarro Lois Lane too, so therefore you can leave Superman's old lady alone?
Bizarro World restraining order not say that I must har . . . mol . . . er . . . bother regular Lois Lane for a while.
Now that we not hear from special dog man, let me not proudly present me guess columnist, here to not promote his new movie at all, my least favorite friend . . . the Hulk!
(Fat Joey say I can do this so I can not avoid lawsuit from previous comments)
Hulk answer!
If Lindsay Lohan played Wonder Woman, who would play Bizarro Wonder Woman?
Hulk like red heads, what color Lohan's hair now? Tell Hulk you like his answer!
Is there a Bizarro Driz'zt?
Puny Bizarro Driz'zt still puny . . . but Hulk like kitty . . . Bizarro Driz'zt have cocker spaniel though . . .
Hulk answer!Why is Ed Norton scarier than the Hulk?
Hulk not allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Do Bizarro Richard Pett and Bizarro Nicolas Logue get along politely like those polite chipmunks from the Bugs Bunny cartoons?
Bizarro Pett and Logue get along really well . . . really well. Hulk confused, but okay with it.
Is there a Bizarro Hulk? Does he fix lotsa things?
Bizarro Hulk smashed by Fat Joey.
Is the Bizarro Forgotten Realms the Remembered Realms?
Is Thay called "Yath," or "Bizzaro Thay?"
And what color are the wizards, purple? Green?
Bizarro Forgotten Realms called "4th Edition." Rargh . . . Hulk tired of dog man questions . . . dog man smell like wet dog . . . man . . .
Boxers or briefs?
Mr. Hulk, does milk calm the savage beast inside you?
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Bizarro Forgotten Realms called "4th Edition." Rargh . . . Hulk tired of dog man questions . . . dog man smell like wet dog . . . man . . .Is the Bizarro Forgotten Realms the Remembered Realms?
Is Thay called "Yath," or "Bizzaro Thay?"
And what color are the wizards, purple? Green?
Does Hulk have B$%!$ t@~$?
Dear Bizzaro,
I've recently learned my house has an infestation of gnomes. What should I do?
--Ab-gnomal Situation
Boxers or briefs?
Rargh! That personal question . . . Hulk blush!
Mr. Hulk, does milk calm the savage beast inside you?
Hulk not have savage beast inside him! Savage beast outside Hulk! Hulk not drink milk since Thing made joke about Hulk milk mustache that made Hulk feel dirty inside.
Does Hulk have b!@#& t*!~?
Hulk not speak werewolf . . . Hulk think Blade speak werewolf . . . funny symbols make Hulk head hurt.
Can Hulk turn red?
Dear Bizzaro,
I've recently learned my house has an infestation of gnomes. What should I do?
--Ab-gnomal Situation
Hulk love to play whack a gnome at amusement park! Get hammer and play whack a gnome!
Hulk always confuse gnome and moles . . . what difference again?
Can Hulk turn red?
Hulk do what Joey say to do for ratings . . . what can Hulk say? Hulk will do anything for love . . . but he won't do that . . . oh no, Hulk not do that . . .
Does Hulk have b!@#& t*!~?
Hulk not speak werewolf . . . Hulk think Blade speak werewolf . . . funny symbols make Hulk head hurt.
Hey, Bizarro! Hulk help me so you not answer my question.
Do Bizarros eat food in their butt, and....y'know....like the Southpark episode?
Bizarro would love to not help you, but due to the legal agreement between Bizarro and Fat Joey, Bizarro must not decrease so Hulk can increase . . . or something like that . . . if Bizarro not remember question after Hulk movie bombs . . . er . . . releases, Bizarro gladly answer question . . . Bizarro always worry if he understand language question is in before he answers.
Hulk, the first time you changed, how did you know to be wearing that stretchy purple underwear?
Just lucky?
Puny Banner wearing gift from college friend, Reed Richards, called unstable underwear. Suppose to hide "embarrassing buldges," but work just as well for staying on Hulk when pants rip.
Is Bizarro Driz'zt a evil word elf?
Bizarro Driz'zt decisive guy that has personality changes due to major events in life and can commit to women very easily. Hulk like to commit to red heads . . .
Hulk, when Meatloaf says that he'll do anything for love ... but he won't do that ... what's he talking about?
Golden showers?
Meatloaf not willing to give up remote control for love. Understandable. Hulk hate not controlling TV!
What golden shower? Hulk not shower very often . . . Hulk likes beans!
Hulk's a little tired, so I guess I'll sign off for him for the night . . . and if I could ask a favor . . . please don't explain golden showers to him . . . I have to wake up to whatever he does. ::shudder::
Could Hulk get so angry he broke the erf?
Mister Heathansson . . . you wouldn't like me when I'm angry . . . (also, it depends on if Joe Quesada thinks it would make a controversial storyline . . . I mean, if Wolverine can fricking heal better now that he remembers who he is . . . WTF is that about anyway . . . that really bugs me and another thing . . .
Damn it, now I've gone all cross eyed . . .
Puny Banner take too long to answer question . . . Hulk strongest columnist there is!
Hulk, I'm fighting a big earth elemental, any good advice?
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Dear Bizarro,
Recently I asked my group of players if they thought it was time for an edition change. They responded with a resounding "YES!" They immediately demanded that our group now use the old Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system to build their characters. What should I do? I don't want to lose my gaming group!
Please help me!
Signed,
Altered Human with Psyche 100 and no skills.
Dear Hulk,
I was exposed to gamma radiation, but haven't developed any special powers. What gives?
Hulk suggest getting sperm count checked . . . Hulk just saying . . .
Yeah, me too.
Hulk say look at previous reply. Look! Look! Hulk say look at it!
Hulk like beans . . .
Dear Bizarro,
Recently I asked my group of players if they thought it was time for an edition change. They responded with a resounding "YES!" They immediately demanded that our group now use the old Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system to build their characters. What should I do? I don't want to lose my gaming group!
Please help me!
Signed,
Altered Human with Psyche 100 and no skills.
Hulk say listen to group. FASERIP system make Hulk stronger as he get madder . . . and Hulk is strongest one there is!
Plus Hulk laugh green ass off at example of Aunt May offing Galactus.