William McGonagall's page

THE CELICA IS BACK!!!!

It looks amazing, plus they cleaned the interior so it looks great. The new hubcaps are in the Prius, which is at DVC with Impus Major, so I won't be posting pictures 'til tonight.

But seriously... once again they forgot to check everything and I got it home without working turn signals. I checked and they'd simply forgotten to connect the left one, and the right one was burned out.

I expect a "good" shop to at least do a basic DMV check before letting a car go: Does the horn work? Do the lights work? Etc.

Not a good look from the body shop...

When Celica starts, when Celica starts,

When Celica turns, when Celica turns,
Just like the Simpsons' Montgomery Burns,
In a late-night business meeting with Smithers,
Your thighs rub gently on Celica's withers.

OooOooooOOOoooh,

Today, let us take the opportunity to wish Happy Birthday to Crookshanks,
Perhaps if you gave her a corned beef sandwich and a mug of Bovril she would say 'Thanks'
Or perhaps she would ask, 'What is Bovril?'
And then produce a single gold coin from her left nostril,
In a manner more friendly than hostile.
Anyway, many happy returns and hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hooray,
To Crookshanks Yesterday,
Today.

Thankyou.

OooOOOOOooiOOOOooooH,

And here is an ode to Waterhammer,
Perhaps he is a person with whom famed chanteuse Cher is enamoured?
Because when she wished she could 'Turn Back Time',
It is so she and Waterhammer could jet off once again to sunnier climes,
Such as the paradisiacal South Sea island of Tahiti, where I believe,
One can disport oneself with 'Gypsies, Tramps and also Thieves'
Another thing Cher believes is that there is 'Life After Love',
I.e. after she and Waterhammer have removed socks, underclothing, and gloves,
In preparation for Amorous Activities,
Whatever might be their proclivities.

Thankyou.

oOOOOOOOoooOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooh,

Let us all now wish a very Happy Birthday to Jurassic Bard,
Perhaps someone will present him with a block of kosher lard,
Or an omnibus ticket to the small town in Somerset, home of the Ferne Animal Sanctuary, known as Chard,
Or a gravy-covered Magic: The Gathering card,
En Garde!

Thankyou.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh,

Today is the first day of 2022's January,
There are several people alive today, and also a number of canaries.
As well as members of other species,
All of whom, so we were taught in Biology class, eat, breathe, reproduce themselves and also emit waste products, such as carbon dioxide, urine, and faeces.
Which is disgusting but necessary, as it was in 2021,
Which was only occasionally fun,
And I humbly wish that 2022 will be more amusing,
Even though I will spend some of it snoozing.

Thankyou.

Oooòoooooh,

Congratulations to Gothbard and NobodysHome,
Who have been together since the founding of the Republic of Ancient Rome,
If Rome had been founded 34 years ago,
Which it was not, so far as I know.

Thankyou.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh,

Welcome back,
Tac
Ticslion.
Is his real name Brian?

I doubt we'll ever know,
But we hope he doesn't go.
Not least because we very much admire his elbows.

Thankyou.

OoOOOooOOooh,

To what depths has Creation's downward trajectory come,
When the Demon King, Strong Drink rules Nature's Virginal Kingdom?
For here is a young crab, the pride of his creed and nation,
Who is now wallowing in sottish inebriation.
He will only have beer to thank,
If, despite a ladder, a ramp, a slope or a stairlift being provided, he is sadly unable to climb out of his tank.

Thankyou

Though it may be the opposite to what you intend, oh!
I must remark that your last post had a strong whiff of 'double entendre', or 'innuendo'
And I would also advise you to put your mallet away,
As it is rather conspicuous in the clear light of day.
Also, do not invite crabs to your sleeping mat,
There are laws against that.

Thankyou.

Today's earworm: all this morning, my son was singing, "...and me and my true love will never meet again / on the bonnie, bonnie banks of Lothlorien."

OooooOOooohHHH, you take the high elf, and I'l take the Rohan

OoOoOOoOoOOoh,

Happy anniversary to Mrs. Ragadolf and also Ragadolf.
Perhaps today they will play a game of golf,
Or, perhaps, since it is 24 years since the day of their weeding,
They will break out the Segways and get caught speeding,
While eating refried beans,
That very closely resemble former governor of Vermont, Howard Dean.

Thankyou.

Oh is this where we're rabble-rousing now? It's been ages since we had a good rabble! Rabble rabble rabble!

OoOoOOoooOOoOoOooh,

I imagine that here you are referring to my colleague in Scottish poetry, the esteemed Scots poet Rabble Burns,
Who here is making a welcome return,
To here, where we are once again discussing the body politic,
And also Keanu Reeves in John Wick,
For 'A Man's A Man, For A' That'
Unless he is shot by an assassin in a hat.

Thankyou.

Happy birthday, Crookshanks!
Tell me, are you Tom Hanks?
Assume not, but just checking.

Hope Dad buys you a tank.

OoOoOoOoOohhh,

Happy birthday to Rags,
May his gold come in Bags
Of Holding,
Emboldening,
Him to purchase the famous amusement park 'Six Flags'
And live comfortably off the revenues for the rest of his long & healthy natural life.

Thankyou.

OoOoOooOooOoh?

Around this time is the day upon which the earth first experienced the Healer who is also Celestial,
Which is why we are having this joyous festival,
To celebrate the fact, all of us together, whether under a bridge or in a vestibule,
During which we will all unwisely cause our moral fibres to atrophy by consuming Strong Drink, the curse of all mankind and Maidens' Ruin, and also, in an atmosphere of celebratory conviviality, sample a selection of rich comestibles.

Thankyou.

Hi everyone! I'm sloshed at my boyfriends brothers registry of marriage having had 4 glasses of wine to drink.

*waves vaguely at the whole of FAWTL*

OoohOOOHoOoooHhhOooO,

'Twas on this day, the fifth day of October 2018,
When the night before, there was indeed a notable scene.
A cat named Mort did lap up a large quantity of Strong Drink,
She would have preferred double cream or salmon paste, you would think.
And then she did wave at the thread,
And committed numerous other crimes and enormities while intoxicated in charge of a giant robot with a world-beating Hearthstone deck, or perhaps had something to eat and then went to sleep instead.

Thankyou.

OoOOOoooOh,

Today is Wednesday the 20th of June
When, some years ago, Nobody's Home was born, presumably without the assistance of an Ecuadorean Birthing Spoon,
For those are very rare, even in the South American republic of Ecuador,
Which is not Nobody's Home's country of birth, or so my informant solemnly swore,
Regardless, I hope his day is extremely merry,
And involves aeroplanes, horseless carriages or ferries,
And it is also my fond hope that GothBard and the Impii help him enjoy the day,
Hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hip hurray.

OoOOooOooh,

When I do log onto paizo.com and enter the thread known as Wins Does The Last One To Post,
Then I might perchance encounter a ghost,
Or unclean spirit, rendered less than quiet by the weight of its own sins,
Like most of the denizens of Last One To Post Wins.
Although nobody in the thread has ever actually won
Which is less than fun,
Like a colour similar to beige or dun.

Thankyou.

Me too.

OooOooOooOOOooo,

When the muse does descend and blesses me with her snowy-white wings,
Then I do open my throat and nose and mouth and do loudly and tunefully and melodiously and expertly sing,
Of the manifold fair beauties of that fair and beautiful land which is commonly called by English speakers Scotland, or Alba,
By those who speak Gaelic, a Q-Celtic language that cannot be spoken by anyone currently eating the dessert known as Peach Malba,
Because they will then spray peach and crumbs everywhere,
And make the waiting staff despair,
And will cause the manager to think
That they have over-indulged in the curse of Mankind, known as Strong Drink,
Which is a very wicked and pernicious substance
And doth cause young maidens to do the Immoral Rub Dance.

Thankyou.

No, he'll be channeling Jim Curry, from what the rumors say.

OOoooOOOOoooOOOOO,

Three gargantuan cheers will I give for Curried Jim,
A dish that refreshes every part and fills me with considerable elan vital and vim.
By the way, when I say 'vim', I am not referring to household cleaners;
Eating those would be a misdemeanor,
But eating Curried Jim is both fashionable and hip,
Whether accompanied by rice or chips,
It is an appropriate way your mealtime to begin.
PS: I win.

OooOOOOoooHOOOHoohooohooh,

I would like to once again praise Sara Marie
For she has returned my nice, dirty green cup with a little chip on the side which is sort of rectangular but isn't really
To me
Additionally,
When I found it again, it was 1/3rd full of three-day-old cold tea
Yummy yummy
And thankfully, not the venom which drips from the Devil's nether-fangs that the Champions of Strong Drink refer to as Whisky
Because if it had been, I would have had to have thrown it into the sparkling blue sea.

Thankyou.

Cosmo wrote:

johnnythexxxiv wrote:

WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING FROM ME COSMO?!?!

...nothing

Well that's really inconsiderate of you Cosmo, what if Johnny wants to see nothing?

OoOooOooooOO,

Maybe he means that he hasn't been hiding anything from Johnny's Cosmo.
Those Cosmos have to stick together, you know.

I Blame Cosmo for unintentional double-entendres
I also Blame Him for accidental rhymes
I shall now flagellate myself severely while singing 'Return To Sender'
And, under the influence of Strong Drink, doubtless go on to commit numerous other abominable and detestable crimes.

Thankyou.

OoOoooOooooOOOh,

I would like to take this opportunity to Praise Sara Marie
For Guinness Foreign Extra being on sale for 89 pence per 330ml bottle, whoopee.

NB:

I have just remembered that I consider strong drink to be a curse
So I shall have to go back to the shop and ask to be reimbursed.

Thankyou.

A poetic tribute to Rysky, by Wm. McGonagall, tragedian and Mythic Anti-Bard.

OoooOOOOOoooooH Rysky, you are the brassiest "belle" [1]
That rings - ding dong! - sending its delicate tintinnibulations across the sin-ravaged expanse commonly known in the Dungeons and Dragons planar schema as the Nine Hells
Or perhaps the abyss
Since you are a miss
With a range of enchanting smells.

I done a pun (see note [1])
And now I must run
To where the treacly tongues of evening lick the slowly groaning sun.

Thankyou.

OoooOOOOOoooooh What a wonderful sight it is to see
Four bishops glued end to end beneath a parrot dressed up as a breadfruit carving of the Admiral Graf Spee
Powered by knowingly leering grapes and fake electricity
And fleas
And wee
Available exclusively at DriveThruNPC
dot com
For 50p

Thankyou.

You are the very opposite of the magnificent Emperor of Brazil. Ooooooh matron
Which is how I customarily begin my recitations, I think
Which do not contain evidences of profanity or approving references to strong drink
Which I consider to be the main evil besetting mankind
It has caused men to go mad and others to go blind
Which is not a good thing to happen to a man
Especially if it causes his lines of poetry not for to scan
Which would never happen to me, the finest poet and tragedian in all Scotland...