Reta Bigbad - End Girl's page

ME NO SAY BECAUSE UNWRITTEN 'RULEZ-THING' MADE UP BY GOBLINSES, CAUSE WE NO WRITE! IF ONLY THERE BE MAGICAL FAIRYLAND PLACE WHERE EVERYTHING CAN BE SET ON FIRE, AND YOU FIND THING YOU CALL 'IN-4-MATION!'"

Muzouka wrote:

Due to lack of players I'll postpone We be goblins until maybe after the Outpost.

What's the goblin track like? I got 'We Be Goblins Too' on one of my characters but is there an advantage to play them all in sequence? I believe this was the first one yes?

"ADVANTAGE CAN PLAY RETA (ICONIC FIGHTER!) WHOLE BUNCH TIMES!"

"ME HERE! WHO ME FIGHT!?" screams the Pathfinder RPG's Iconic Fighter™ shaking her magical dogslicer.

"ME GOT CONICLE! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Varanog, Sorcerer Supreme! wrote:

"Maybe kill 2nd edition goblins too."

Gasp, genocide!

"RETA REEEAL GOBLIN!! AND AM REAL ICONIC FIGHTER TOO!! NO READ EVIL WORDS!! KILL BAD PUPPIES AND HORSEYS!! MWAHAHAHAH!" **Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!**

"WHY AM BUS-FUME HEAD SO SMALL!? BUS-FUME EARS NOT EVEN GO PASS ELBOWS! SMALL HEAD! SMALL HEAD! GOOD THING ICONIC FIGHTER RETA HERE! HOW YOU BLOCK MACE WITH HEAD SO SMALL!?"

oouch, she is hurting 8 dmg

Reta is unconcious....

No. Reta is at 0 hp and still has a turn, which she uses for Total Defense (+4 AC) and takes a 5-foot step away from the dog.

"Oooo, CAKE NOT AGREE WITH RETA...."

This turn, assuming no one heals her, she moves away from the fight to the barn.

Reta gives out a mighty warcry. "BURRRRRRRP!!!"

SHORT LONGSOWRD KILL DOG! (charge!): 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 2 + 2 = 16 damage: 1d6 ⇒ 5

+1 dodge bonus to AC due to Haste.

Treasure Gear chain shirt, longsword, black eye patch,clay pipe, flayleaf (3 doses), leather satchel, metal codpiece, tindertwigs (5), 1 gp, 22 sp.

Reta just sucks the frosting off the the spongy stuff. She strips off her padded armor, and then throws the chainmail on over it and grabs up the longsword. If the straps on the codpiece are large enough she secures it to her head like the iconic brawler's head gear.

"WHATYOUCALLTHIS? CAKE? YESCAKEGOOD! HEADSTILLHURTTHOUGH!"

I'm guessing these are small-sized objects, but have no real idea.

Ow, head hurt.

Reta staggers to one side.

"STILL CONFUSED BY MORALITY!" Reta says taking a swing at the 's' in 'halflings' "AM CAMPBELLIAN HEROIC ARCHETYPE, OR GOBLIN WITH STICK!?"

She swings!

club vs 's': 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22 damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4
THREAT!
club vs 's': 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20 damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Okay, to keep things moving Reta sneaks up behind him and pushes him off the 2nd floor, causing him to fall 20 feet

"I'M HUGE!" Shouts the immense two-story tall Reta. "I AM BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS! TODAY THIS CRASHED ALIEN SPACESHIP BARN PLACE, TOMORROW TOKYO!!"

Treasure Gear chain shirt, longsword, black eye patch,clay pipe, flayleaf (3 doses), leather satchel, metal codpiece, tindertwigs (5), 1 gp, 22 sp.

Treasure that we didn't get a chance to pick up? Although I think we can probably do without any more flayleaf.

I found a map from the free to download pdf that might work, if it is any easier.

I was just going to use the maps from Iron Gods myself. ;) "WHERE KEY CARD!"

Reta follows her nose into the dungeon(!) (I guess)? Are the double doors barred or have an obvious lock? Is the place scaled for halflings or humans? Whatever it is she sneaks up to it hoping to take whoever it is by surprise.

stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (3) + 10 = 13

"SMELL BACON!" she shouts and then slaps her tiny hands over her huge mouth and sneaks the rest of the way with her club shoved between her teeth so as not to talk.

”I you heal!! So enemy hit you more!! Ha ha ... “ he says laughing.

Reta bonks Chuffy on the head with her fist. "DO AGAIN! DO AGAIN! ME WANNA SEE!" She punctuates each word with another swipe hoping to bruise Chuffy enough that healing makes a marked difference.

Later after apparently reading the module....

Reta gets to the part about morals and stops unsure how to proceed. She had been Reta-splaning to the others what the previous post said but not wanting to use evil magic words had had to use pantomime, but now having to explain things like "evil" and "chaotic neutrality" she was stumped. Still, she couldn't tell her audience that and instead explained through crude hand signs and even crude facial expressions that "evil" was a sort of weasel thing and that "chaotic neutral" was a big bottom-feeding fish.

"UNDERSTAND!" It is not a question the way Reta shouts it.

chuffy needs to stabilize or heal

All heroes are up the next three rounds

Metaphorically speaking that is.

"SCREW YOU GUYS! I'M GOING HOME!"

You know if Chuffy is at 0 hp he can still do stuff (except stabilize because he's not dying yet).

Oh, and another thing, about minimum damage.

Or he can just withdraw and go home on round 2. ;p

club v Jingly Lady: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6 damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4
club v Jingly Lady: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13 damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1
club v Jingly Lady: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6 damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

At the end of which time Reta says in her most put-upon shriek: "ME BORED! LADY NO LIKE GETTING MUGGED FOR SOME REASON! WANNA GO HOME AND TORTURE TOAD... AND MAYBE POOG SOME MORE!"

Mogmurch uses his superior intellect and gets in a position to help. GET OVER THERE DUM DUMS. RETA KILL THE LADY.

Someone flank and let Reta hit this thing.

"BOYS." Reta glowers "CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!"

She sweeps all of her bugs back into her apron pocket.

Double move.

Reta concludes that who ever these heroes are they are too afraid to interfere with the goblins mugging this poor merchant woman.

She blows on the fire hoping to get the ravening blood-beast tied to the wagon to notice the fire and take flight before the alchemist's chemicals explode.

Reta looks about for these heroes she keeps hearing about.

"POOG! YOU GOT MATCH?"

Reta goes through her pockets looking for a weapon.

"HERE!" she commands putting a fistful of creepy crawly cave bugs on the cart. "HOLD THESE! ME GOT FIRE TWIG SOMEWHERE! BURN DOWN WAGON-THINGIE!"

intimidate (small size): 1d20 - 2 - 4 ⇒ (4) - 2 - 4 = -2

"WHO!" or is it 'BOO'? Me never remember.

GM, Did you need the maps? I'm pretty sure I have a digital copy at home and even if I don't I think it is still free to download at the Paizo store.

She throws a rock at OG3-Pregen. She hits you in the shoulder, and it hurts but doesn't do any damage, as it only hurts for a few seconds and only leaves a small mark. The human woman with a Jester hat gives you the finger. Boo, you don't have any money. Leave.

You should probably kill her. No really kill her. Though getting a surprise attack on her would require a sleight of hand check DC 15

... I'm not sure that's exactly how the standard rules work, but then again Reta can't read....

Reta stands in the best place on the map.

"BUT ME NO WANNA GO BED! GOBLINS NOCTURNAL! IS TOO DARK TO GO BED! IT NOT EVEN DAWN YET!" Reta carries on like this until she falls asleep in small hours of the morning.

perception (to see Maggie before she sees her): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (10) + 8 = 18

Sense Motive: 1d20 ⇒ 6

"AAH! HOW ME KNOW YOU NAME BEFORE YOU SAY!! YOU PUT EVIL MAGICAL WORD THINGS IN RETA'S HEAD!"

So no maps then?

The Goblins move on, using the path, 20 feet in front of them, they are stopped by three goblin bullies Stop, give me your toads. I demand them now. Give them to me or I will hurt you and kill you, I'm bigger than you all by six inches.

"YOU STUPID! ME CAN'T EVEN COUNT THAT HIGH!"

Reta does what warriors do but a visual representation would be helpful to see how.

"BREAKING LAW! BREAKING LAW!" Reta shouts while swotting another toad through the air with her club.

"Let's go!"

"AWW! CHUFFY NO FUN ANYMORE!"

"LET'S GO FIND PRETTY SECOND EDITION GOBLINS, AND BEAT THE 'RESONANCE' OUT OF THEM!" ;)

Reta has fun while she waits for something else to hit.

perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (3) + 8 = 11 So are there like 21 darts or....

"GIVE ME DARTS NOW!" Reta screams. I assume Poog shares.

"OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!" Reta takes three darts.

===============

Slowly Reta stalks her toady prey....

stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (6) + 10 = 16

When she finds a big, fat ugly toad she dives in swinging her club like it was a pool full of baby harp seals.

SURPRISE!!: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (4) + 0 = 4

"ARRG! ME CATCH POOG! STOOPID POOG, YOU MAKE ME BREAK CLUB!"

Reta tries again.

stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (5) + 10 = 15

SURPRISE!!: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (19) + 0 = 19

"ARRG! ME CATCH POOG AGAI--NO WAIT, TOAD!!!"

You all get Licktoad badges. It has benefits: One time use of extra 1d6 dmg to animals. You can roll this damage after you confirm a hit on the animal. One time us of DR reduction of 5, you must use this before damage is rolled, this benefit is only added if you succeed at Hurtful Words. One time use, if you intimidate a creature, they are staggered instead of shaken. One time use, reroll a saving throw, but you fall prone.

Do we all get all of these or just the ones we individually completed?

"RETA FIRST OUT OF CAGE! RETA FIRST!" says Reta in her indoor scream, shoving the other imps into the dirt as she steps on them.

"LOTSA LEGS!" she screams and rushes over to the spider-roping event stealing a completely unsuitable wide-brimmed hat from someone else's head for the occasion.

Reta stand behind the gate waiting impatiently for the big red lotsa legs to be released into the dirt arena. When the gates open she rushes out and tackles the arachnid!

CMB - Unimproved Flying Mouth Tackle: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (19) + 0 = 19

With about six of the hideous spider's legs caught in her teeth she begins to wind her twine around them.

Dex check - Spider-tie: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18

The job complete she stands and raises her hands in triumph!

And the crowd goes wild!

Player Great Green God
Character Solemnia Orikrana
PFS # 139009-110
Faction Liberty's Edge
XP (standard or slow) Standard

"POOG DUMB! CAN'T EVEN RIDE PIGGY! FAKE RETA DUMBER! SMELLS TERRIBLE! RETA BEST! RETA BEAT YOU SENSELESS YOU SAY OTHERWISE!" says Reta in her calmest indoor shriek, before taking a swig of perfume. "Ahhh!"

Yeah, I was trying to edit, Paizo is doing something weird to me. When I post something, it don't show up till a few minutes later. As well as edits. Sometimes it just won't let me post or edit.

"REFRESH! REFRESH! REFRESH! REFRESH!"

We Be Goblins!

We B4 Goblins!

Recruitment threads

Psst! DG check your private messages (at the top under "my account"), the little red notification dot thing might currently be broken.

"ONLY PATHFINDER ICONIC FIGHTER HERE TO FIGHT!!"

"CANS HAS PLAY?"

I have played Paizo's REAL iconic fighter before and would love to play her again. ;)

"WAIT! YOU KNOW PATHFINDER?!" Reta shrieks in her indoor yell.

Reta looks about for a live pathfinder.

*Sets fire to Aram Zey.*

"OOPS!"

"NO NEED WAIT! 5UPER ICONIC FIGHTER AM HERE! FIGHT NOW!!!"

As an old timey fan of Orcs of Thar, I have issues with 20th level goblins with non-substandard ability scores. Goblins aren't that badass even in the original source material. Personally, I like playing goblins as lovable losers (same goes for kobolds, and most of the other 'savage' humanoid races and minor species of giants). They're fine for comedy games (black or otherwise--even Paizo's Goblin modules follow this unwritten rule), but more serious games or settings which feature historic ethnic/racial enemies like dwarves.... Can you imagine the Deans/Masters of the Pathfinder Society allowing them into the Grand Lodge?

That, and the goblins are no longer toddler-proportioned. They are now more heroic scale, sullen early teen-size if the iconic goblin on the cover of the Playtest book is any indication. I don't mind this so much, but if you are going to put goblins on the same plateau with the more usual PC races why not use kobolds (who for in-world cultural reasons seem to fit much better and are popular as well) or orcs or hobgoblins or all of the above either instead of or along with?

Thus far, I'm not a fan of this particular change. Still, it's a small part of a big game, and there is a lot of other interesting stuff coming out with the playtest, so overall I am excited.

Edit Oh hey, I basically wrote this a month ago. Typical dumb goblin move. ;p

*Sets fire to Grand Lodge.*

"OOPS!"

{Shoving Poog roughly out of the way} "YOU LISTEN TO ME! ME GOTS 'CHAH-RIZ-MA' NOW! ME GO TO 'MOOSE SEE 'EM'! SEE MONKEY! FIGHT MONKEY!! MONKEY, MONKEY, MONKEY!!!"

"GOTS SWORD, AND AM BORED! AM PATHFINDER NOW! YOU SHOW ME MONKEY! YOU SHOW ME MONKEY NOW!!!"

Oh are we blaming Nigel for what brings us to 2E too? It is always Nigel's fault.

"FUNNY ELF MAN HAS NOW LET ME--THE ICONIC FIGHTER--IN TOO!!!"

Put me in the "rather have Tengu than Goblins" camp, though I imagine that ship has sailed already.

"TENGU TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!!"

Speaking as someone who played D&D out of a red box, I just have trouble seeing goblins with heroic level abilities, and reaching levels any higher than 10th, and even 10th is pushing it. The same goes for kobolds. Half the fun of playing the little buggers is that they are both sub-optimal (often incompetent) adventurers, and super-humorous ne'er-do-wells who find challenge not in defeating rampaging minotaurs, but rather actual farm cows--no doubt belligerent farm cows, but farm cows nonetheless.

Making them straight-laced seems to me to be a mistake.

In the meantime, any place I can go to get Reta's (or whomever's) updated stats?

Sorry, guys, but we're already full. The We Be Goblins adventures roll with four players. Perhaps you'd like to play it Core? I can do a second table.

Technically, I think you can run it with 6 (or even a last resort 7) like a any other module, the only issue being that you have to run some of the same goblins twice. You just have to file off the serial numbers. Just change their names, coloration, genders, motivations or what have you--there's nothing wrong with two Valeros's at the table if one of them is his teatotaling, health-nut sister, and friendly rival, Valerie--or don't. Which one is the real Mogmurch and which is the weird, alchemical clone that emerged from the smoke cloud with him after that last explosion? Are either of them the original? Or you can use the quasi-official "additional pregens" Created by Jason Bulmahn with layout and songs by Michael Azzolino: Buggy Bugeye and Stumpbiter. Both only appear in first-level form, and so are only good for the original We be Goblins! (Original source).

"WANNA PLAY KORE!!"

"Cants I play iconik KORE fiter Reta, pleez?"

Let's just leave her be and get on back to the tribe. I think we thoroughly dominated this one with great stealth rolls and the biggest fire I've ever seen on these boards!

Obviously you weren't here when 4.0 came out. ;)

I'm good with Reta riding Nord back in triumph!