"Other Darrin" Kobold Cleaver's page

quibblemuch wrote:

Oh, for crying out loud, Monkey Santa's time change shenanigans are getting ridiculous.

A monkey after my heart.

It's Monkey Santa. He's literally after your own heart. Like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein literally.

I, for one, eagerly welcome our new FrankenKong overlord. I'd like to remind them as a trusted Internet personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their banana liquor distilleries and underground Red Bull mines.

<1960s sitcom magical harp noise> {suddenly appears} -?! How did I get here? ENDORA?!

John Napier 698 wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

~whistles and holds out dollar bills~ Shake it gran! Shake it!

~grins and runs~

I think that I should be very careful when a nearby dragon actually hands out money.

this gives me an idea for an adventure.

An adventure where the adventurer's are secretly hired because an eminent group of higher learning/a secret consortium of dogooders is investigating the ongoing disruption of spells and magical effects in a widening region? And it's discovered that Mengkare a "good" gold dragon on a secret island is secretly running a recently expanded secret monastery where the monk's intense meditation is secretly a means to mine bitcoin "mana coin" to horde?

{points and mocks} Ha-ha, BoP! You've been re-cast between seasons.

Turning your scales inside out looks painful.

On the other talon, does the krenshar effect bolster your existing draconic fear aura?

"Other Darrin" Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Rysky wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that I'm an enabler.

I blame Cosmo that no one is posting linnorm goodness in the existing "Blood of Dragons?" thread.

I would but I don't want it to keep getting deleted.

{whispers} It isn't an actual product thread; it's the older generic wishlist thread people were chatting about dragons in before the actual Legacy of Dragons was announced.

I Blame Cosmo that I'm an enabler.

I blame Cosmo that no one is posting linnorm goodness in the existing "Blood of Dragons?" thread.

It says I was switching avatars. :-)

Very handsome.

Anyways, one thing I would like (which is from the old 3.5 Dragon Magic book) is the idea of "dragon mentors". It would be cool to see benefits of having a dragon mentoring a spell caster, and then sending that arcanist/witch/sorcerer out into the world (perhaps to serve as a spy, or to further the dragon's interests).

I don't have Dragon Magic, so I don't know those details, but I like the dragon mentoring idea. What if it was a 2-way arcane bond between wyrmling/very young dragon and a humanoid spell caster (highly-vetted and selected by the dragon parent)? The young dragon gains first hand experience & knowledge (especially with spells) and likely a starter nest egg of wealth; the humanoid gains a naturally-magical advisor and second pair of hands, and maybe begins taking on some draconic traits?

This is a bit down the road, but...

If Pathfinder has the We Be Goblins line of modules for Free RPG Day, can Starfinder have Kobolds... In... Space! or something similar?

Cole Deschain wrote:

11. Raid the neighbors. It's fun! Sometimes they have nifty things to set on fire!

RIOT!!! BURN EVERYTHING!!!

.

I wonder, if i start a "Rouges are garbage, so help me make my GM cry!!!!!!!!!!"

Only if you get Kobold Cleaver as your tag-team partner.

Why be a normal, boring NPC when you can aim for greatness and fail spectacularly?

If you don't try, you'll never know how big of a crater you'll leave when you crash and burn.

.

NO! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! If you change you ways and choose the good side, you'll never become the Reverse Kobold! And then Celestial Casting never hires me to be your mid-season replacement!

{quickdraws firearm} I'm sorry (not), but now you have to die...

{becomes noticeably transparent} NO! I was so close, so very cl- {vanishes}

Congrats to the Evil Human ruler and his partner.

Mythic Evil Lincoln wrote:

We'll see whether anyone actually believes it, given the date, but it's for real!

wat? was ur first date not go well??? so ur surprized she sed yes??

I must say, you are an extremely handsome kobold, nay, mythically handsome.

I blame Cosmo that most owners of second-hand mudkips fail to sanitize them first before using, or remember to rotate them every 3000 xps.

Do you know how bad I've wanted to make a "Mythic Chaotic Neutral John Wilkes Booth" alias since I first read a post by you? But I've already wasted two aliases on obscure jokes, and really, what possible audience would it have unless I used it to troll you at every opportunity on this forum?

I'm not a Mythic PotUS, but there is a fine tradition of making parody aliases and obscure jokes on these here messageboards.

<POP!> {waves}

Indeed, abso-smurfing-lutely handsome.

{fades into view} Wait, why am I here? GSE, I think you might be cracking up.

June Cleaver wrote:

Kobold! There you are! You escaped from your cage again. Ward was worried about you. At least, he was worried until the autoerotic asphyxiation set in.

Hey, Mom. I've been meaning to ask, how's Cousin Bieber?

*Starts laying 2-gp-a piece bear traps around area*

{wonders aloud} How did I get chosen for this part again?! Oh right, my agent is an overpaid moron and I was tired of asking people if the wanted to upsize their food combo.

And I'm a moron for agreeing to the plastic surgery.

{wanders into kitchen, climbs into toaster oven for a nap}

Can't sleep, Stannis will eat me.

It probably says something terrible about me that when I look at that art, all I can think of is all the future rules threads where people will cite that art as a reason why you can't use your buckler hand for the things the CRB says you can. :/

That's not a buckler, that's a mirror. The swashbuckler is showing the ghosty ravager dragon-thingie the bits of Lem still stuck in its teeth, and she's offered to use her rapier to toothpick out the halfling chunks. You know how distracting and irritating it is when you get a bit of food stuck between your human teeth? It must be much worse when your teeth are as long as shortswords.

And the bloodrager has a giant rattle, not an earthbreaker. He's shaking it to make dragon-thingie smile wide, which will make the Lem-bits extraction much easier for Ms. Swashbuckler.

I blame Cosmo that kobolds didn't get nifty cranial ridges when we moved from D&D:TOS to PF:TNG.

Tels wrote:

We're Camerinassian.

Everybody should get that procedure done when they reach a certain age. It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Do you get Westmore-ian forehead bumps too?

RAAAAIIIIIIIIID?!?! {expeditiously retreats, tout de suite}

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Alex G St-Amand wrote:

the problem.

Still standing right here. :(

Hey as long as the staff is working on the spam problem they can't deal with our goblin and kobold infestation.

{skitters across table and snatches morsel of food off DM Zack's plate}

It is pitch black. We are likely to be eaten by... something.

Oh, god, he's back! And now he's devilishly handsome!

Why yes, yes you are!

{thrusts fists out in salute} Hail Hydrox!

39) Strap dozens of cute baby animals to yourself as armor before engaging in battle against pesky Good types. "Nice hit paladin! You just murdered 4 kittens to bloody me!"

You know, those rocks that fell unexpectantly from nowhere and killed our entire party were entirely justified in doing so.

Goblins, like echidnas, are nipple-less and weep milk through pores on their skin. Picture that the next time you go dunking your Oreos in milk.

{clicks heels, thrusts arms in salute} Hail Hydrox!

{in smary announcer voice:} Sign up for Tucker's Kobolds Home & Lair Security today and save 15% off your first friendly fire-related hospital visit.

Sign up for Tucker's Kobolds Home & Lair Security today and save 15% off your first friendly fire-related hospital visit.

I'm putting you in the yellowdingo file now.

Oooo, oooo, so now it's my turn to shine, right?

It's times like these I'm glad we don't live in a sitcom. This would be the cue for him to jump out of a nearby bush and yell "Aha!" like a breakfast cereal mascot.

In seriousness, glad this seems to be petering out. Scaly fingers crossed!

Or Endora would see this as an opportunity to magically polymorph you into something embarrassing again.

Sunny Godhead wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Tin Foil Yamakah wrote:

Freehold holds no power in the west or the south

hisssssssssss, whispered blasphemies

Fixed it.

drunken, boastful lies! You have felt the caress of mother winter in the south! There was snow! You took pictures!

I laugh at your scientific fallacies.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

HEHEUHEHAHEAHUEH!!!!!

If you rule the Racial Heritage (kobold) makes the PC enough of a kobold to have a tail when his/her base race has no tail, then you can't pick and choose just the good parts... you have to take it all: Small, -2 Con, -4 Str, light-blindness, etc.

Start with Joe the Average Kobold: AMBARBARIAN comes along and chops off Joe's tail with a sword. Does taking Tail Terror mean Joe autoRAWly regrows a tail?

Suppose AMBARBARIAN gets his primary hand chopped off. Can AMBARBARIAN just take Two-Weapon Fighting or pick up a monk level for Flurry of Blows and autoRAWly regrow that missing hand?

Suppose AMMUNCHKIN is a human that takes Racial Heritage (orc). AMBARBARIAN chops off his head with a vorpal sword. Can AMMUNCHKIN take Biter and autoRAWly regrow that missing head?

---

If a PC whose base race lacks a functional tail takes Racial Heritage (kobold) and Tail Terror, he can twerk his butt at the enemy all he wants, but he doesn't grow a tail to make the attack.

If you order through this special TV offer, they'll include a second TriOmegaZero absolutely free! But wait... call in right now and they're throw in a set of Ginsu katanas... ABSOLUTELY FREE!

thump thump thump {muffled reply from freezer} M-ooooooom! It's really cold in here!

{cue laugh track}