Paizo F+*~ED UP Again


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Alright, guys. The jig is up. Yeah, I noticed. Nothing gets past me—I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox.

Zombies. Skeletons.

Yeah, thought you were cute there, didn't you? Probably thought something like

Erik Mona probably wrote:
Yeah, they'll never notice this. Those suckers'll buy anything if we put a half-clad barbarian chick with an anime sword on the cover.

when you were making the Bestiary.

Well, I noticed.

So, okay, right now, my fellow Paizonians, you're probably going all, "What's with all the commas? Also, what's this handsome guy on about? And why's he been swearing so much lately—does he think it makes him seem more mature?"

Well, the answer to that question is yes.

Also, what I'm on about?

Human skeletons. Human zombies. What do these creatures have in common? They have Natural Armor. +2, to be exact. This is incredibly good—it is actually, believe it or not, twice as f#+~ing good as that of an immensely popular playable PC race, the kobold.

So aside from the obvious balance issues likely perpetrated by a certain dinosaur who shall remain unjamesed unnamed, what's wrong with this?

Those are human skeletons and zombies. I know what you're saying. "Oh, so if human skeletons have +2 Natural Armor, and human bodies have +2 Natural Armor, put them together and humans should have +4 Natural Armor, right?" And that's what I said. Because it makes sense. And surely Paizo wants my game to make sense?

WRONG.

I think the folks at Paizo owe me some apologies. And also everyone else.


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I've been tired lately.

Sovereign Court

lol kobold

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

8 people marked this as a favorite.

Look man I've punched guys, and I've punched bones, and though I'm not too proud of it I've punched corpses.

Trust me, Paizo knows what they're doing.


I'm not going to talk to a man who just walked in wearing only the skin of what seems to be a tengu.

Shadow Lodge

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I'm putting you in the yellowdingo file now.


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I'm no Australian! I'm from the best country in the entire world, Oregon! Outrageous!


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But hey, it beats the Kobold Cleaver file.

Australia's not even a real country. It's, like, part of Germany, isn't it?

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

That Tengu had it coming.


At least put on a shirt if you want to be jealous of argue with me.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

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Don't you know Everything in Australia is trying to kill you.

Shadow Lodge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 8

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Mark Thomas 66 wrote:
Don't you know Everything in Australia is trying to kill you.

Correction: Everything in Australia is trying to kill Australians (and people who associate with Australians, such as tourists)


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Fun Fact: Everything in Australia is actually trying to kill yellowdingo. They just aren't good at telling humans apart.


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Kobold Cleaver you're drunk. Go home.


P.s. cleaver hasn't done anything to deserve going into the yellow dingo wastebin azfaik. Blame jackn daniels


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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

But hey, it beats the Kobold Cleaver file.

Australia's not even a real country. It's, like, part of Germany, isn't it?

Ahh I miss the glory days of the Australian-Hungarian empire.


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DM Under The Bridge wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

But hey, it beats the Kobold Cleaver file.

Australia's not even a real country. It's, like, part of Germany, isn't it?

Ahh I miss the glory days of the Australian-Hungarian empire.

I don't care how Hungry you are allying with Australia is always a bad idea - they're all criminals (at least their grandparents are!)


Did just wander into a hookah bar that mixed up the normal tobacco with the wacky version?

This thread made me laugh, kudos, Cleaver... kudos, sir.

Also, along the Australia lines... surprised no one has mentioned This yet....


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They alwas pick on the kobolds. But some day, the kobolds will have their revenge.


I can deal with the descendant of criminals crap, but the Dingo ate my baby meme is offensive as all hell.

I don't understand what is funny about a real situation where a baby was ripped to shreds and consumed alive by a pack of wild dogs. Even if it is said in an accent different to your own.... It's insensitive and racist.

To top the whole tragedy off they mother was tried by both the media and incompetent and corrupt police and sentenced to jail for murdering the baby. She was later acquitted, but her marriage and family had broken down and she lost everything.

So tell me why it's funny please?


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Australian, and I found it a bit funny.

Insensitive, certainly. Racist, not even slightly. Don't use the labels when they don't apply.

Course, where I am from, we would have a good laugh every few years when a German tourist got eaten by crocodiles. Or a yank wandered off into Arnhem land and was never seen again.


Making fun of the accent of a woman who's newborn died in a horrible way - seems racist to me.

The German and American tourists are adults and had been advised not swim or wander off.


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TOZ wrote:
I'm putting you in the yellowdingo file now.

Oooo, oooo, so now it's my turn to shine, right?


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Okay, to be honest... I've only ever heard the phrase and knew nothing of the actual incident. So, if I upset anyone by the reference I do apologize, I have since researched the incident and agree that could be construed as insensitive. Again, I apologize for that.

However, I agree with DM UTB. The comment was not racist... the differences lie in ethnicity, not race. Given that, I was not trying to convey prejudice, and for that I will also apologize.

Now, let's get back to the levity please...


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The 8th Dwarf wrote:

Making fun of the accent of a woman who's newborn died in a horrible way - seems racist to me.

The German and American tourists are adults and had been advised not swim or wander off.

Australian isn't a race.

Making fun of the Australian accent isn't racism.


Faelyn wrote:

Okay, to be honest... I've only ever heard the phrase and knew nothing of the actual incident. So, if I upset anyone by the reference I do apologize, I have since researched the incident and agree that could be construed as insensitive. Again, I apologize for that.

However, I agree with DM UTB. The comment was not racist... the differences lie in ethnicity, not race. Given that, I was not trying to convey prejudice, and for that I will also apologize.

Now, let's get back to the levity please...

Well nationalism and the national vernacular.

So I say with full levity intended, how dare you insult the proud language of my country! That language which is often incomprehensible and slang-filled, harsh and indicative of poor breeding.


DM Under The Bridge wrote:
Faelyn wrote:

Okay, to be honest... I've only ever heard the phrase and knew nothing of the actual incident. So, if I upset anyone by the reference I do apologize, I have since researched the incident and agree that could be construed as insensitive. Again, I apologize for that.

However, I agree with DM UTB. The comment was not racist... the differences lie in ethnicity, not race. Given that, I was not trying to convey prejudice, and for that I will also apologize.

Now, let's get back to the levity please...

Well nationalism and the national vernacular.

So I say with full levity intended, how dare you insult the proud language of my country! That language which is often incomprehensible and slang-filled, harsh and indicative of poor breeding.

Haha! I had the 'pleasure' of mistaking a Kiwi (New Zealander...) for an Australian by his accent. I quickly learned the difference between a New Zealand accent and an Australian accent that day!


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According to Chef from South Park it is not ok to be racist, but it is totally ok to hate someone because of what country they are from.

I get most of my subjective morality from South Park so I'm feeling pretty ok about making fun of someone's accent.


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I just laugh at inappropriate things because it is my way to cope with the realization that we are at the mercy of an uncaring and cruel universe. And that nothing we do matters because we are all going to be worm food anyways.

lol

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber
MattR1986 wrote:
P.s. cleaver hasn't done anything to deserve going into the yellow dingo wastebin azfaik.

Who said he deserved it?


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I feel sorta bad that we totally derailed KC's thread...

...it's okay, he;s a dirty kobold. He'll get over it ;)


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I'd just like to say that the Australian playable race is insanely OP. I say we ban them from the game. Or we make them like paladins, and require their players to speak like Steve Erwin.

Shadow Lodge

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ANYTHING but THAT.


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I'm enforcing realism in my games! Clearly you just don't like roleplaying enough.


I mean, that's how real-life Australians talk, right? :)


Crikey?


Ay! I'll stick me fumb en ees b+%~~@!~! Dat'll really piss em off!


I always thought we should design some kind of designer plague to eradicate all the kobolds, until I had an omelet made from kobold eggs.

Then I decided we should keep them around.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
I mean, that's how real-life Australians talk, right? :)

Stone the flaming crows, struth magoondi you are right mate.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Those are human skeletons and zombies. I know what you're saying. "Oh, so if human skeletons have +2 Natural Armor, and human bodies have +2 Natural Armor, put them together and humans should have +4 Natural Armor, right?" And that's what I said. Because it makes sense. And surely Paizo wants my game to make sense?

From now on I'm going to have my hill giants, ogres, etc. wear body armor--as in, human body armor. That's +4 AC, right?

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16

Australia should be referred to by it's original name....Azkerban


Damn it's good to see you on the boards again.

What a strange topic.


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I speak truth to power. Wake up, sheeple!

And when did I leave the boards? I'm always around. I'm like a benign cyst that costs too much to get taken out, so even though it's really ugly and smells kinda bad, it gets to stay.


TriOmegaZero wrote:
MattR1986 wrote:
P.s. cleaver hasn't done anything to deserve going into the yellow dingo wastebin azfaik.
Who said he deserved it?

Sometimes a person gets what they deserve.

Sometimes a person gets what they need.

Shadow Lodge

Sometimes they just get what they get.


I don't get it?


That's because you're human. Humans don't get anything if Paizo has its way. They'd rather give all the useful stuff to zombies and skeletons. I blame Twilight.

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber; Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

Man, not even zombies and skeletons could help Twilight.


I think an allip or two might fit right in, though.

Silver Crusade

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Kobold Cleaver, TOZ, yellowdingo and Trevor From Australia all in one thread. My my my... I'll leave this post here to help raise the collective IQ a bit. BUT JUST A BIT.

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