M.C.s Slash Rose & Violet Femme's page

58 posts. Alias of Legendary Sidekick.


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Violet and I bow to our fellow assassin (and fellow belly dancer). “I suspect a promotion is in order.” “So we better boss you around while you still work for us, and not the other way around…”

And so you are given an excellent ship—a proper ironwood warship, not a balloon—to guarantee safe passage from the floating islands to the mainland. Queen Hippo grants Captain Euryale the honor of naming the new ship, built to her liking.

The unprovoked attacks on twenty amazons embolden the Queen to send a fleet of two hundred, herself among them. And of course with the four of you escorting her and her entourage.

This time, the men of Westedge do not attack. They denounce Captain Stonefist and Major Bastardom as having gone rogue. This, you know to be buIIshit. Instead of calling them on their lies, the Queen makes some demands.

Among them are retrials for former amazons whose only crime is self-defense. Dead-eye Garnet is among them, but her friend Jackie the Clipper is not. Garnet refuses to leave her, and so the Queen offers to take the pair to Themyscria. Naturally, you are the ones assigned to take the two ladies back.

Garnet and Jackie cannot thank you enough. There are hugs, tears, words of gratitude… all interrupted by space pirates. They hastily tear down their black sails and fly the white. Unarmed men salute you and make it painfully clear they have no quarrel with Captain Euryale and her crew. Jackie reluctantly sheaths a pair of scissors nobody knew she was carrying.

Garnet puts her hand cannon back in her holsters. “Looks like you scared off more men, but don’t let it get ya down. There’s plenty of asshoIes in the sea.”

And so you go on as mostly-peaceful adventurers who occasionally come across a bunch of asshoIes. They make fine statues, which look spectacular next to the lawn gnome in Jackie the Clipper’s garden on Themyscria.


Thank you for playing!

It’s no easy task, but eventually Betty is able to pull the bridge around. It moves super-slowly—or so it seems, until the time comes to abandon the bridge before it either bypasses or collides into the Terhered Isle.

Illuria and Castra can leap from bridge to planet safely. With five dusty fairies, a harpy, a kentauride who can carry two and a dragon who can carry many, any woman unable to make to leap has assistance. I prefer dragonback myself, Betty!

The guards return with Betty and Garnet. Betty is wearing a guard’s jacket and nothing more. It’s just long enough to cover her (except when she randomly cartwheels through the field of flowers). Garnet says, “See? I told ya we weren’t busting out.”

The guards watch the bridge tumble past. On one side, a lot of blood and feathers. On the other, dead men and busted vehicles. “We believe you,” says one. The other nods and lets Garnet have her visiting hour. He adds “or so,” not about to set a limit for twenty Themyscrians.

“You saved our butts,” Garnet says gratefully. “So what now?”

Xenalite, little-known younger sister of a famous amazon says, “Our diplomatic mission’s a bust, but I don’t think anyone like Stonefist will ever f%+$ with us.”

Others including myself come to the consensus that you have done what Themyscria needed, though in the end, through brute force rather than diplomacy. Thus, you are all free to choose… return to Themyscria, remain on the mainland, go your separate ways or hop in that Pink Panzer and see the world!

((Full Health and ☀️☀️☀️ to everyone!))

Epilogue . . .
The gnome becomes stone, and in seconds, Crow T. Clown’s magic is gone for good. Illuria reverts to her normal size.

You are all still on a broken bridge drifting into space, however. As are Rose and I, and the fourteen others you rescued. We all come to your side of the bridge expressing our gratitude.

With us are Branwyn the harpy and Dora the kentauride.
There are amazons, Baldhart, Sonja, Jojo and Xenalite.
There are nymphs, Nissa, Alice, Daphne and Mary Sue.
There are fairies, Hanako, Hotcha, Savi and Pinky Bluestockings.

Pinky is the first to follow her thank you with a question. ”So now that you saved us from that jerk in the sportscar, what do we do about drifting endlessly into space?”

Fort is d8 - bot roll says you made the save anyway!
1d8 ⇒ 7

You dispatch of the guards easily. Checking the carrier, you see a dozen women—amazons, nymphs—asleep. A harpy lays snuggled against a kentauride’s large body, and there are two fairies in a basket.

All are unconscious, some battered and bruised… but none are in grave danger.

And yes, I am one of the sixteen whose lives you save this day—see my in my violet dancing scarves, using my sister Rose’s belly as a pillow. We will soon wake up and make the promise to tell your tale.

But we need some time. The dampener has weakened us, thus you have no choice but the leave us in the carrier.

Especially since you have an unexpected visitor—

A murder of crows blackens the sky.
Their incessant cawing drowns out any noise or thought until the swarming scavengers split into four groups. They swirl about like specters and fly in different directions, all simultaneously arcing underneath the bridge.

Perhaps you already know something is amiss. But with myself and fifteen others helpless, what can you do but wait… and watch?

There are several explosions underneath the bridge! Several bombs go off where the South Bridge and the Tethered Isle meet—explosions from the east side to the west, as if a titan’s blade severed the connection between manmade and natural structure.

The other explosion is at the bridge’s center—one big BOOM to ensure the bridge is attached to nothing.

Down it sinks—rapidly! Already, the underside of the Tethered Isle is in view. In the opposite direction, the dark side of the mainland appears to be ascending.

But of course, it is you who are descending into the abyss.

From the underside of the bridge, colorful paper squares (almost as big as Zindarel’s fairy body) flutter into view. Each has a letter on it. The sequence of the papers form a message.

tHanX 4 kiLL¡ñG Ba⭐️m• hE i$ ♇Å℞+|al£ÿ REspOnsiβLĒ 4 tHe D€atH of m¥ bÖyŻ∴

A$ R U!

You will need to peer under the bridge to find the source of the message.

The big butcher looks quite capable of putting up a fight, and very dumb. But looking at the statues in his truck, among several others… and at Bastardom’s car swerving as it drives off…….

The butcher is not that dumb.

He drops his cleavers, bows to Illuria—“OREEGAHTOH.”—and after grumbling a mispronounced thank you in a language that is neither his nor Illuria’s, he takes a toppled motorcycle and rides away before the captain changes her mind.

You saved a Manslayer bullet with this kindness.

Garnet answers, “Anyone with sense would. But we’re collared. Best I got’s to create a diversion on the inside. Only Jackie can come with ya.”

Jackie hops in the back seat, grin stretching from dandelion stained cheek to scarred cheek. She holds up her fists as if grabbing an imaginary steering wheel.

Garnet warns, ”Remember, if one guard dies, you don’t get to tend the flowers no more.”

Jackie makes pouty lips. “No stabby.”

* * *

During the ride, Jackie can hardly keep her eyes off of your blades. “You stabby? You stabby-stabby. You stabby-hat…” When she sees Zindarel clinging to the hula figurine, she stands up. “Stabby dance!”

Jackie sways her hip once, then falls backwards from the moving vehicle mid-hula. She hangs by the knee from the spare tire, curls effortlessly in a vertical sit-up and volley back to her seat. “Fasten seatbelt. Imma good girl.”

When the bridge is in sight, Jackie remembers Garnet’s plan even if you do not. She leaps from the Pink Panzer before Illuria has a chance to stop. She tucks and rolls, and in the process, the knot of her apron is undone.

“N.T! N.T!” she shouts as she tears the apron and tosses it in the air. “ENNNNNN—TEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” She runs by the guards wearing only a single work glove.

“Aw, not Naked Time again,” grumbles a guard. Another says, “I hate Naked Time.” And since neither guard wants to deal with a naked Jackie alone, both give chase. “Put some pants on Jackie!” “Pants are nice things!”

With the guards after Jackie, you can safely set up an ambush on the Tethered Isle side of the bridge. Presumably, there are guards on the mainland side. But the bridge must be a mile long. As long as you don’t venture too far, they might not notice you. (Not if you walk, that is. They will easily notice an oversized pink vehicle.)

The target-eyed girl immediately understands the reference.

“Ya mean like what I hear goes on at Westedge Max? Hah… life sentence my ass. Shoulda known.”

The one in the apron turns her head 170 degrees to face you. Then, mercifully, she pivots her body to follow. “We can’t have… nice things?”

“They treat us right here… I don’t wanna fight Themyscrians. Even if I thought I could win, I ain’t got no beef.”

The aproned one drops the dandelions in her hands. “I’m a… good girl.”

The target-eyed one looks back at her crazy friend, then at you. “Mind giving Jackie a ride?” She points to her own collar. “If I come any closer, the alarm’ll trip. Jackie took her collar off and she don’t need it. She’s got it good here. She’s sweet when she don’t got a reason to stab people.”

Do you consider the offer? If you are having doubts, ‘Dead-Eye’ Garnet promises you that Jackie can distract the guards without killing them. You just need to drop her off when the bridge is in sight, and tell Jackie ‘N.T.’

Even if you cannot destroy the tether, the Clydesdales agree that cutting off access to the island is a smarter plan than facing the enemy of the highway.

As you pile into the Pink Panzer, Bob calls, “Hold up a bit…”

Feel free to read each other’s spoilers.

“A couple o’ government spooks were on my land looking for a crashed balloon ship. They thought my wife a Themyscrian nymph. Had to shoot first.”

He hands Illuria a loaded six-shooter. “It’s a Ladykiller, loaded with Heartseeker ammo and made to target women. I reverse engineered it. Call it a Manslayer now. It’ll keep you from accidentally shooting one of your own in a crossfire.”

6 uses - d12 rolls to shoot cannot miss. Rolls of 6-12 do additional damage to a single target. (Male of course.)

Bonnie is an incredibly attractive woman. Even if you are straight, you cannot deny it—in the same way you have noticed Betty’s glow. Bonnie is a Themyscrian nymph. Of this you are certain.

It is therefore hardly surprising that she has something for your blades. “You are a huntress. One who fights up close and personal. You are loyal to your blades; therefore, it would be a slap in the face to ask you to put them aside for another.

“Care for your blades with this.” She gives Cassie a purple oil.
1 use - Roll a d10 to sharpen the blade, plus add a random effect.

”Here… take this. Get the damn thing outta my life forever.” He hands Betty a Universal Remote! “I can’t figure the thing out.”

??? uses - Roll d12 Couch Potato. The remote might not do anything. Or it might. The battery might die easily since Bob never bothered to change it. (Maybe that’s why it didn’t work.)

“I miss the fairies from my days on the island. I almost told a student of mine about my fairy friends when she told of the tiny cupcakes she made for her tooth fairy.

“I’ll need a tooth fairy if I eat something that sweet though. But if you’re anything like Hanako and Nissa and Baldy and Savi and Violet and Hotcha and Alice, you’ll enjoy the sugary rainbowness baked by a child who believes in fairies without ever having seen one.”

[ooc]1 use - Eat a Fairy Cake; get a sugar rush!
• The first time you roll a 1 or 2 after eating, that number is your Sugar Rush number…
• …the other is your Sugar Crash.
• Both 1s and 2s are wild during the Sugar Rush, counting as the highest roll on the die…
• …but a Sugar Crash ends the rush.

You say your goodbyes and are off. You find you can drive along the Natural Tether. It is a strange root whose diameter must be more than a mile! Its bizarre gravity allows you to spiral about it, so that twice along your journey, you find the underbelly of the supposedly-flat planet facing up. The underside is black and jagged, making the backdrop of starry space seem a bright indigo.

The root ends with you daylight-side-up. Driving from the root onto the island is a tricky maneuver, but what kinda pirate can’t maneuver onto an island ‘cause of a rocky shore?

* * *

As you draw near the bridge, you see two strange women outdoors. One is wearing one work glove, an apron, and dirt. You can’t unsee her bare bottom (with a clean spot on each cheek) when her back is to you. When you see her face, her expression is odd, but focused. She plucks weeds from a field that is rainbow-striped with flowers.

A less odd woman with a crosshair tattoo over her right eye gives you a wave. “Ya girls turning yerselfs in?” She looks like a biker chick, as much as on can in chartreuse prison garb cut to resemble biker chick garb.

Bonnie replies, “Untethering the island would be like… like leveling a city, in terms of the destructive force it would take.”

Bob highlights a path on his napkin-map. Or… mapkin? …or not. “My wife and I drive out to the Natural Tether. It’s like a tree root, but thicker than an entire forest. It even has its own gravitational pull, so you can walk out on it. The air’s breathable. That pink big-wheel o’ yours can probably drive up most of the way. Not sure you could make it up onto the island itself.”

Bonnie is still hung up on the un-tethering. “Wait. You mean… you’re not just going to rescue your people, you mean. You’re going to make sure those prisoners don’t end up on that sadistic gameshow.”

In my head this is the “Scenic Route” scenario, one of five possible ways I could see this panning out from your current location. Basically, you don’t have a means to alter the scientifically-impossible geography, but you could use this route to arrive on the island before M.C. Bastardom and the prisoners (and of course the expendable henchmen) cross the bridge.

EDIT - “Scenic Root.” That’s where I *shoulda* used the double-O spelling.

Perhaps you do know where you’re headed, but Bonnie and Bob start quietly disagreeing upon what course of action they think you’re going to take. As the two speak, Bonnie starts jotting things on a napkin. “How to draw the Tethered Isle...”

“Just rip it,”
Bob replies as he tears the napkin. He seems proud of his contribution.

I can think of five different approaches myself—and perhaps you’ve thought of a sixth? You’re free to look at the napkin sketch and consult with the locals, if you like.

Castra doesn’t see much that is useful for a combat situation, aside from several tools in the barn, should Betty need to improvise a weapon.

As for surveillance, there is only one road and it is seldom used, it seems. If someone were to come from town or from the Red Barren, their vehicle would kick up dust from the road. If you happened to be outdoors or looking out a window at the time a traveler approaches, you could see them coming from a mile away or so.

The bathroom and bedrooms are quaint and cozy. A bath and a nap would do you all some good.

And whether one of you keeps watch, or you all crash and trust the couple not to call the authorities, news stations, etc., you wake up feeling a bit stronger:

The lady takes the reply for humor, and so does the husband if he knows what’s good for him.

He immediately recognizes you as the SMASH R.P.G. winners and says, “Park in the barn, where the government choppers won’t see ya.”

It takes a minute to clear some of the harvest (melons!), and he lets two horses clear out and roam the field freely.

It seems Bob and Bonnie made their farmhouse into a bed and breakfast. Bonnie says, “We ain’t got any kids yet, but there’s three extra bedrooms and a bathroom we use for tenants. It’s the off-season, so sheets have been clean since last VeggieFest.”

You park the vehicle. Perhaps you even coasted some of the way in neutral, very quietly. But of course, the owners of the home have spotted you.

A woman peers out the front door of the home. She descends the steps, curious. “Honey… I think he stopped.”

“Who?” a male voice replies.

“Fly Something. Whoever you said owns that Pink Panther.”

“Sly Schwar—the porn guy? He’s…” A window opens. The man yells, “Ya better not f$+$ my wife!”

“Honey, I’m not kidding…” She turns to face the barn, and smiles at you, relieved you’re not a muscular porn star. “Oh, they’re ladies. Shall I tell them not to fornicate with my husband?”

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll be there in a minute.” He closes the window but you still hear the toilet flush.

The woman gives a friendly wave as she approaches. “Welcome to the B & B Clydesdale Farm. My name is Bonnie. How might I help you?”

The ride into town is so quiet, you only know you’ve entered a town at all because instead of everything being flat and red, everything is curved and green. The first sign of life you see is a pink house in the middle of a huge plot of farmland.

See discord for image.

You may try to see if anyone is home, or move along. Not every farmhouse is a bed-and-breakfast, you realize. But farmhouses aren’t normally bright pink. But then, muscle SUVs tend not to be pink either, so…

The tracker not only hits its desired target, but does so in a way that it slips into a hole between pieces of ore. There is no need to worry that the truck will hit a bump and lost the tracker, thus it will appear the Pink Panzer is off to some big city somewhere.

“Nice! That’s my way of thanking you. But you earned your freedom their way, and I earned mine my way. You lose what you worked for if ya get caught with me. I got a hideaway here in the Red Barren.”

True to his word, Johnny only drives a few miles past the bridge, and stops by a cave. He then shows you a map.

“There are three decent towns between here and Rooftopolis. The North End is where DiCatrio’s gang used to rule, and he still ran it on the inside. How popular you are kinda depends who took over. I doubt you’ll have any trouble there.

“Then there’s The Village. Quaint. Residential. Some inns for anyone going to the VeggieFest, but that’s their only tourist season. So you can get a room at pretty much any B&B.

“The South Bridge leads to the Tethered Island—y’know, that weird floating island with the great oak with roots extending to here on the mainland. Pretty place for a women’s prison. Maximum security, and instead of dying before a live audience, you live in a place that smells like flowers year round.”

Johnny hands Illuria the map and the keys, and unless you have more to say, he slips into the cave.
North, East or South?

‘Johnny’ nods, and if Illuria is interested he demonstrates the controls. There are two separate sticks, which allow left wheels and right wheels to coast (neutral) or reverse while the others continue forward. Pedals are clutch, brake, gas.

“This model’s called the Pink Panzer. There’s a it’s-okay-for-a-guy-to-drive pink movement, from what my buddy in D told me. He was killed by DiCatrio’s magic. Hell, had ya not avenged him I’d be tempted to drive without ya. But I’m glad ya trust me enough to get you out. I’d have to ditch this thing, and what a waste that’s be!

“The only others to drive a Pink Panzer are action-porn star Sly Schwartz, Eli Musty who owns the company that makes these, the one Smash team that survived this year… and Bixby Snider, though he drove his into a lake.

“Damn straight it’s okay to drive pink. I’m loving this!”

You can tell this man is not a killer. He may very well deserve his incarceration and makes no pretense otherwise, but the man is an opportunist. Having seen you fight, he expects opportunity will never knock for him if he betrays you.

Eventually, you are on back roads. Johnny stops over a bridge and points out large cargo trucks. Some have open tops, as they transport garbage or ore. He says to Zindarel, “Mind dropping this into one of those trucks, little lady?”

He hands Zindarel a device the size of a pepperoni slice.

“This is what you caught me doing. Removing the tracker. Now Bastardom knows we drove off, and if you get caught, no problem. It’s your prize. But you don’t want Bastardom to track you, right?”

@Zindarel, if you want to comply, d12 stunt to fly over and drop the tracker into a truck.
[1-2] miss; it lands on the road and gets run over
[3+] hit, if aiming for a truck
(No roll needed if you want to intentionally destroy the tracker)

“You taking the wheel, Captain, or ya want me to? I was a getaway driver. A good one. Got away every time except one.” He pats the label on his prison uniform.

If Illuria drives, he will hop into the passenger seat—or the back, if that is claimed to. He will drive or give directions to the quickest way out. But no matter the seat, he turns on the radio.

“How about some music?”


The ex-prisoner turns down the volume. “Not these f!&&ing guys. They were already an old band when I got locked up! Do rockers never retire?

“Anyway… Johnny Down’s my name. That or Dick Town. Which looks better on a fake ID?”

Assuming you cooperate, and assuming you look back or check the rear view mirror, you can see the studio audience evacuating the building. There is traffic on the highway, but this vehicle moves quickly across the vast expanse red earth.

The escaping prisoner could simply drive off without you. For some reason, he drives quickly—and recklessly—down the ramp of the partially-demolished garage. He drives through a wall that was already mostly rubble, veers around a giant intestine-tentacle thing, and screeches to a halt beside you.

Zindarel took the direct route, so she had an opportunity to brief you before the escaping prisoner arrived.

“No time to explain. Get in! I’ll tell you on the way!”

If you take his offer, he will yield the wheel to Illuria if she asks demands it. Betty finds only the back seat suits her girth. If Illuria drives, Castra should either call shotgun or she’ll need to squish with Betty. (You can make the prisoner sit there.) The best seat for a fairy is the cup holder, or she can sit next to the hula girl figurine.

Zindarel is curious as most fairies are. But her ninja skills, in combination with her size and wings, allow her to scout in relative safety.

There is a vehicle not common to Themyscira. It looks like a modern military ‘jeep,’ but with extra large tires, and engine too large for the hood—thus it sticks out—and the speakers take up much of the back seat. Design flaws suited for a single male in his late twenties or midlife crisis.

The vehicle is being tampered with by an escaped prisoner. You recognize him as the sole survivor in the cage match.

“Hey, it’s you!” He offers a friendly smile. “Yeah… ya took out DiCatrio and won yourself this sweet ride. I’m, uh… just starting it up for ya.”

He knows you are not a fool.

“I know you’re not a fool. If ya ladies take me a few miles east, I promise, you’ll be glad ya did.”

You can see he has no intention to harm you. He has seen you plunge your blades into the magical mob boss of Cell Block D. There are men who underestimate fairies because of their size. This man is not among them.

The quaking stops. You are all feeling too fatigued to maintain your powers. Zindarel gradually becomes smaller, enjoys a brief moment of being the size of her friends, then dwindles down to just a few inches tall. Castra slows and calms. Betty’s soda flattens to the point it’s not worth drinking. (Well… maybe a little. Could use some corn chips, though.)

You look around and can see the many floating islands to the west of the world. They are but specks in the night sky.

Around you, the parking garage is mostly destroyed along with the vehicles in it. You hear a single engine making a sound. Somewhere on another side of the building is a commotion.

Which do you prefer to investigate? The sound of the engine, or the commotion of many people moving at once?

Betty’s soda is none other than Fozzy Fizz, the yet-to-be-released carbonated sarsaparilla version of Foxy Fixx! On the bottle is Fozzy Bear with a word balloon that says ‘wakka wakka!’

Betty does not know he magic of the candles, but she does notice the fairy is thirsty. And at a party where there is cake, is it not customary to bring a drink?

Your escorts search the darkness. For what, they do not say. The elevator rises. Sounds of gears and hydraulic pumps and pistons and chains compete with the muzak, and for a moment, it seems the muzak has simply given up.

Then, a calm yet authoritative voice (which you do not recognize) is heard through the many sound-grates in the shaft:
I'd like to take this opportunity to ask every person listening in, whoever and wherever they may be, to pause for a moment and to give thanks in his or her own way.

The men immediately grumble and mock, “The f@*@ is that, Sarge?”
“Premature for a graduation speech.”
“Hudson knows all about premature.”
“Again with the dick jokes, Drake.”

Sgt. Apone is about to order the men to shut up, but is interrupted quite suddenly!

Alarms blare! Red strobes pulsate throughout the shaft! The shadows of steel columns and beams create the illusion that the room is gyrating in two opposing directions as the floor beneath you rises!

The same calm voice repeats “peace and tranquillity” through the sound grates.

The Sarge’s mouth opens. He points a finger up, but Drake is quick to realize—“Breach!”

Hudson and Markowski are already aiming their rifles over the safety rail, searching the flashes and shadows for prisoners who have escaped Cell Block B.

There is a knock, and once you are all decent (in new clothes or old—your pick), the nerd enters with an entourage of men in black. They carry high-powered rifles, held at a 45 degree angle.

When the nerd stops walking, the men stop. They salute you.

“Ladies, I’ve been given the okay to get you outta here. These gentlemen will escort you to the service elevator. It’s not as luxurious as the Cake Walk, but you’ve won your freedom.”

He snort-laughs at his own awkwardness.

“Not to steal Mr. Bastardom’s thunder.”

One of the men in black (Sgt. Apone, for those who read the name tag over his badge) says, “Captain Euryale. Let’s get you and your men out.”

“Women, Markowski says. “…Sarge.”

“F&%*,” says the sergeant. “Captain?” He gives a ladies-first gesture that is more military than chivalrous.

It appears you are getting an armed escort to freedom! (Feeling safer already, are we?)

The nerdy guy looks at his handheld device, then says, “The gifts are yours.

“The fashionista who rushed them here is actually Addison Lane, who designs outfits for the Vermilion Vixen, the super heroine who protects the City of Rooftopolis and… well…

“It’s weird, ‘cause the fashionista and the superhero…er, -ine… have the same red hair, obsession with red clothing, thick muscular thighs… um, my wife says.”

He shows you Addy’s profile photo on his device, then an image of an identical woman posing in a recruitment poster for an organization called Femme Slash. The only difference between Addy and the Vixen is that one wears a mask and one doesn’t.

“I strongly suspect… they’re sisters.”

Each gift box contains a red strip of cloth and an instruction:
Wear it well.

The moment you touch the red strip of fabric, you are instantaneously wearing* SOMETHING RED AND FASHIONABLE. (Dress, stilettos, lipstick, undergarment, ruby brooch, nail polish, cape, anything red and fashionable. It can be a full outfit or something you wear with your original clothes.) If you remove the red-and-fashionable-something (simply from a desire not to wear it), it reverts to a red strip of fabric.
*The moment you wear it, it unleashes a power within you.

Max HP up:
• Betty ♥️x7
• Cassie/Illuria ♥️x9
• Zindarel ♥️x5
Max MP = ☀️☀️
Your HP/MP is full!

The nerd seems to fumble for a response as the fairy poses. He checks his handheld tablet, and once Zindarel is finished, he says, “The client says to show you this.”

The Nerd’s Tablet:
Dear Fairy,

You understood perfectly. Nailed it on the first take.


The nerd says, “I happen to agree with Miss Lane, if you don’t mind my saying.” Aaaaand he’s blushing again.

After you all clean up, you see the nerdy guy enter with four red giftboxes stacked in the grip of his pudgy arms.

“Beware of geeks bearing gifts? Er, never mind.”

He does a double take when he sees what Zindarel is wearing.

“Huh… I don’t think my daughters’ Gladys dolls have that sort of… well, but you’re not—” He blushes, face almost as red as it was with the virtual devil guise. “Sorry. You’re the first real fairy I ever met. I didn’t even believe in—


The nerd cuts to the chase.

“In addition to the bath, we got a red carpet catwalk, a fireside love seat, table with fruit and wine, bed big enough for one of Bixby’s creepy orgies…

“Pick a place to pose, say a few words if you want. Three takes, and if you do as well as you did with Foxy Fixx, my contact will give her immediate approval to leave you a tip.” He places the gift boxes near the creepy wall of eyes. He assumes this will NOT be the backdrop for any acceptable Succubust ad.

He adds, “The client is Succubust Fashion Line, but I was explicitly told to tell you… umm, verbatim…” He whips out a piece of paper, rereading it silently before reading it aloud. “Be yerselves, ladies. Ye don’t need to say ‘Succubust’ and in fact, don’t. It sounds so f&+*ing stupid.”

The nerd shows you the letter, which has the odd spellings he attempted to pronounce. The letter is signed, Addy Lane.

Three takes max:
@Everyone, d12 stunt
@Betty/Zindarel, d10 magic – optional for ONE or TWO of your takes, if you want to work magic into the ad.
A special effect gives you all long pointy tails (which you can control easily after your Foxy Fixx experience) and horns. Zindarel has red feather wings, but can change them maybe.

Zindarel (optional willpower):
[1-2] nope, you can’t.
[3-5] yes, you can: bat/phoenix/butterfly/dragonfly
[6] above plus DLC content: death-metal wings or no wings at all))[/ooc]

As it happens, there are several choices of beverage behind the red wine, including rum (Redrum), whiskey (Red Breast and Red Bush). There are also other red fruits, such as cherries, dragon fruit and blood oranges.

The magic of the bath is strong. Of course you have all seen this in the springs on thr floating island of Themyscira, (and the Great Fairy’s spring as well). The water purifies as you bathe. All of the blood, monster vomit, chunks of flesh, and the eyeball in Betty’s hair are just… gone with the steam.

Zindarel finds some her choices of clothing on tiny blonde mannequins, which are actually Glamour Gal Gladys dolls. The nerdy guy’s daughters have quite a collection of those!

Illuria transforms the entire monstrosity into solid stone! Which, incidentally, means room seven is also solid stone, as well as at least two-thirds of room six, and much of the unexplored north side of the building.

The room you are now in has a long table with chocolate covered strawberries and wine, a rose-petal bath, and a changing screen.

And a bespectacled devil.

“Heh… hi.”

You immediately recognize his voice. It is the nerd!

“So, uh… we were supposed to have you come down here from the Cake Walk. Like before, some special effects. I don’t suppose you could clean yourselves up first?” He gestures to the bath. “I’ll get out.”

He peeks out the north exit, admiring the grotesque wall of stone with many eyes. “Heh… not that way.

“You get thirty minutes to wash up, and you’ll need to slip into something from the Succubust Fashion Line. All of their clothes are red, and… y’know… fashionable. Daring. And comfy! I usually buy Succubust pajamas for my wife.

“Anyway, the treats are for you. Not me, so I better… heh.”

Unless you ask something of the nerd, he steps out the door. The one to the east, where there is no grotesque wall of stone with many eyes.

You all make it past the blades which might have been more painful than the blows from the giant creature. It is fortunate that none of you have learned the hard way!

There is a long corridor that heads eastward, as seen on the map. However, a steel wall slams shut—leaving you trapped!

Bastardom’s voice bellows over the comm, “Ladies! That was unintended! I’m opening the emergency exit to the north—AH F+*+!”

The north wall opens. Dust billows our and there are thousands of eyeballs from the still-expanding monster!

They all lock on YOU, and they form a wall of eyes as thick as the room. Surely, you know by now it does not benefit you to harm it!

“South,” Bastardom calls to you, “SOUTH! OPEN, GODSDAMMIT!”

The south wall takes way too damn long, and making matters arguably worse is the portion of the monster that tries following you through the sawblade trap.

A geyser of blood and several decapitated heads get shot out at you!

Non-fairies, Fort vs multi-attack!
[1-2] chunks of skull and blood shoot out at you!
[3-5] same, but not as much!
[6+] gross, but harmless!
@Zindarel, Reflex!
[1-2] a head bigger than you conks you UNCONSCIOUS!!!
[3+] you’re tiny and winged and able to slip out under the opening wall to the southern half of this room!
Non-fairies, pull a stunt for a quick getaway!
[1-2] Slow exit
[3-5] Normal exit
[6-9] Fast exit
[10+] Coach others, speeding up the slowest teammate(s)!
@Zindarel, again, no fail condition for a stunt, so you can either:
• roll d12 for the chance to inspire slow teammates
• roll d10 to use magic
• do nothing if you’re KO’d!
((Anyone can carry Zindarel as a “free action” if she’s KO’d, assuming you’re all attempting to head south.))

The door behind you slams shut as you enter the large room to the north.

There are two doors, both of which are locked. The one north of you is the path not taken, which you were warned, sucks.

To the east, the door is labeled Cake Walk.

You seem to have time to step into the room, look around. The ceiling is high, which is good for fairies and winged dragons. It is otherwise drab and gray—could use a woman’s touch—bloodstains and dry bones not quite clean. Some rats (bigger than Zindarel!) chewing on a rotted carcass in the southwest corner of the room.

There is no enemy inside and no means to leave.

You should assume picking a lock would be unwise to attempt.

All of you do as Drumbo said! Zindarel strikes the center of a black circle as does Illuria—for the violent reverberations make it impossible for them to hit the mark despite the big man permitting this. Cassie, you have complete control over your blade, but your warrior’s instinct tells you: Betty’s got this. For support, you strike the third black circle.

The three of you who struck with blades are suddenly forced back ten feet!

Betty, you sail past your companions, dancing through the air! Your flying kick strikes dead center and with such perfection, could it be that you are always dragon even without the transformation?

You bounce back five feet and only now to you all notice…

The big man is unharmed.

He turns, big grin on his face.

“That went exactly according my plan! TIME TO DIE!”

It appears you have been lured to your doom! Is this how other SMASH teams had been crushed? If so, it would explain why Bastardom might suspect nothing… but, was the big man being honest with YOU?

The answer to this question is apparent when Drumbo turns his back, his reverberating tattoo aligned with the symbol on his drum—each a mirror image of the other!

The drum sounds grow louder, despite the fact that Drumbo is no longer beating it! His sticks are raised overhead as if he intends to beat YOU!!

You are all too shaken to move! The entire room is shaking! Small pieces of concrete are crumbling from the ceiling! Cracks form along the walls and floor!

Drumbo’s body shakes violently as the beat echoes from the symbol on his back to the counterpart on his drum. Louder and faster, louder! Faster! So fast the beats become one sound! So loud you hear nothing at all!!

And in the silence, Drumbo spontaneously combusts!

All that remains is a little green globule on his drum seat.

You all benefit fully from the healing effects. You all know the dance!

Now is the time to strike!!

Fort saves!
@Betty, d6
@Cassie/Illuria, d8
@Zindarel, d4

[1-2] no effect
[3-5] ▶️✴️
[6+] ▶️▶️✴️✴️

Reflex saves!
@Betty, d4
@Cassie/Illuria, d6
@Zindarel, d8

[1-2] ▶️
[3-5] ▶️▶️
[6+] ▶️▶️▶️

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] no effect
[3-5] ▶️✴️
[6+] ▶️✴️✴️✴️
Each ▶️ is a step forward!
Each ✴️ adds to your striking power!
@Illuria, roll the d12 to strike!
@Betty/Zindarel, roll the d12 if you gain ▶️▶️
@Cassie, roll the d12 if you gain ▶️▶️▶️

Betty’s & Zindarel’s truth:

By dancing and healing, Betty and Zindarel now know how to use their own magic to heal!
+☀️ replenished & you can use ☀️ for magical healing!

In addition to learning this new magic, Zindarel gets an odd feeling that striking the tattoo is somehow a favor to Drumbo.

Betty’s answer:
Oh… you figured out how to work my beat. Then I’ll level with ya. My tattoo’s pretty much another drum. I got it years before I got locked up, in case one day I get stabbed in the back figuratively or literally. A blade or your horned helm would be literal.

It’ll look like ya kill me, but I’ll be alright. Keep that between you and your friends here. Bastardom can never find out, got it?

[ooc]As you hear this, you cannot help but notice the giant drum and the tattoo bear the same symbol!

Truth for Betty:
Try to dance to the beat as you come at me. It’s good for ya.

If you dance on your next turn…
[1-2] Holding together
[3-5] Strong (+♥️)
[6+] Hold and make your friends stronger! (+♥️ each)
[1-2] One step
[3-5] Two steps
[6+] Three steps OR move to a friend who is behind you
(Betty can’t roll the 6+ range tho’.)
[1-2] No effect
[3-5] Glean a truth
[6+] Ask a question AND glean a truth in addition to getting an answer to your question

In his eyes, you see confirmation when Illuria says ‘strike tattoo,’ ‘tell no one.’ But when she asks, ‘put on show?’ it is clear that Drumbo is struggling with… how to respond in kind words.

“I mean no disrespect. I’ve seen your fights. I’ve seen your… Foxy Fixx. You make better warriors than actresses.”

Drumbo is moved by your choice of words. Though he tries to keep his expression unreadable, there is a softness in his eyes.

“It comes as a great relief and a pleasant surprise that you would ask this of me…”

His speech is slow, and slurred as if chewing on something, yet at the same time he is a true gentleman. Despite his physique which suggests he is well in touch with his not-so-gentle side.

“…though I have killed many men over many years prior to, and many years since my incarceration, I have never killed a woman. I mean no disrespect. You are formidable. You killed Leopardo DiCatrio, rival to my family. He killed my brother, Elphredo.

“Even if I were to abandon my principles, in the interest of self preservation, I would derive no pleasure in taking your lives. I give you my word… no women, no children… I will follow this code until my dying breath.”

He removes his shirt.

“I will ask of you one favor in return. You are to take your blade to me, strike the tattoo on my back. Speak no word that I choose to spare you at my own expense, even after Bastardom frees you. Capisce?”

Betty reverts to her nymphly beauty as you all step through the door. You again hear the drums that played when you first entered the pit.

There is a cage that prevents you from approaching the drummer.

Well, not you, Zindarel! Places you cannot enter can be counted on the thumbs of a one-armed bandit.

The drummer is a large man with large tusks. He stops playing when he sees you, stands up and bows.

Your instincts tell you he has no ill intent toward you.

As you all fight the foes who still stand,
Wizard flat on the mat, his pipe still in hand,
A stream of smoke slithers through the crowd like a snake,
Searching for weakness—for nine lives to take…


In the thick steam, the nerdy guy’s edit plays before you, the sounds of sweet music playing to the beat of the bubbling spring.

Foxy Lady (trad. Korean instrument)

Zindarel appears from billowing ninja smoke, wearing her mask and little else, her skin concealed by her fox tail.

Cassie’s tail sways like a cat about to pounce.

Illuria looks as if about to kill.

“When the rum is gone, and you're throat's so dry it might as well be stone…”

Betty poses, steam rising from her left buttock, propelled by the sway of her tail.

“…drink Foxy Fixx!"

Betty in her sexy pose, sips slowly.

Cassie sips hers, eyes straight into the camera.

“Foxy Fixx for foxy femmes.”

C.U. Cassie’s smolder.

A poof of smoke obscures all… then reveals Zindarel, looking enticing as ever in her teeny bikini.

The steam alone has a limited effect. Zindarel feels her body heal, but not completely. She is wise enough in the ways of self-preservation to assume diving into the boiling water would make her condition considerably worse.

The nerdy fox says, “Aww, I’m glad it’s working. Heh… uhh…” He looks around nervously. “Okay, there isn’t much time… cameras are off; our sponsors are really hoping you’ll do a shot for Foxy Fixx.” He holds up a four-pack of a canned beverage with a cartoon kitsune on it.

The nerd suddenly becomes his normal self. “You’ll look like kitsune, but it’ll just be a special effect. Pose or say something witty as you sip the drink, okay?” He points to Zindarel, whose wounds continue to gradually heal from the steam. “It’s canned water from the healing spring. You could just drink it without the pose or the words… but make this look good, and I might be able to get another sponsor on board.”

He somehow reactivates the magitech, making himself a kitsune —and YOU as well! But you appear as your normal selves, with holographic fox ears and fox tails. Oddly, Betty is especially proficient in controlling her tail. Zindarel can move hers quite easily, but the holographic tail somehow ‘knows’ not to wag through her wings. Illuria and Cassie may have difficulty controlling their tails.

The nerdy fox leaves the healing drinks on the ground.
Drinking them will increases your status to:
• Betty ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/☀️
• Cassie ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
• Illuria ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
• Zindarel ♥️♥️♥️♥️/☀️

“You get three takes, ladies! Look good so I can call up more sponsors!”

Willpower controls your holographic tail!
• Betty d8
• Cassie/Illuria d4
• Zindarel d6
[1-2] The tail has a mind of its own!
[3+] The tail does exactly what you want it to, as if it were a real tail!

TAKE ACTION! (d12) Pull a stunt as you pose or say a line!
[1-2] You will not impress a sponsor. Try again!
[3+] Adequate, awesome or somewhere between!
You get 3 takes max! (That’s three d12 rolls!)

As you approach the kitsune, perhaps with caution—as you well should in a gameshow in which everyone so far has attempted to kill you!—particles of dust around Zindarel begin to give off a golden glow.

Betty also senses her connection to magic is not quite so weak as she breathes in the steam from the bubbling waters! The waters look dangerously hot, spewing steam as thick as storm clouds. The room smells of a titan’s flatulence, and yet… the further inward Betty and Zindarel step, the stronger the magic within them grows!

Zindarel throws her stars from the sky!
1d12 ⇒ 1

But they do not hit their mark!

Oh! A bull-horned man with the ass of an ass unleashes hell on the little one!
1d8 ⇒ 2
Oh! The poor little thing!

Barely clinging onto life, the littlest assassin dives straight at her foe and strikes true!
1d12 ⇒ 11
But he is strong like… well, like bull.

The Assotaur drops his spent weapon of death. His eyes flare. Echoing about the pit is the beating of drums!

• Betty ♥️♥️♥️♥️
• Cassie ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
• Illuria ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
• Zindarel ♥️

Illuria takes careful aim. Her parting shot takes the middle finger off of the stone fist, and the impact causes Jaeger to punch himself in the face. He squeaks a high pitched oof and his unconscious body is kited along by the grappler’s harness.

After the crash, you are all weak, but in a better state than the men who attached themselves to your leaking balloon. On one harness, Illuria notes mangled meat with a stone fist missing a finger.

That is the last thing she sees before she awakens in a dark cell.

Act II:
“Total Carnage! They Love It!”
(the SMASH R.P.G. gameshow)

The rest of you awaken now, and see that Illuria is talking to a chunky man in an argyle sweater with thick glasses.

[b]“Expendable? Heh, I guess you could say that. Aw, but it’s not just me I gotta worry about. I got a wife and three daughters, y’know.

“I was thinking about them when they said you’d be slaves.” The very idea of slavery is quite troubling to this man, it is plain to see. “But now they’re gonna have you as contestants. You could die, but… sometimes people win and that’s good. If you win, you’re free.”

He is definitely nervous. He checks a handheld device. “Seventeen more minutes. I set a timer so the cameras would be off here. In case, y’know.” He awkwardly gestures toward the toilet in your cell.

Of course you might want to hold off on that until the nerdy guy goes away.

“Listen… you were captured yesterday. Yesterday sucks, so don’t go there. Got it?” He winks. He nods. He looks pale and might need a toilet or bucket to throw up in. But he has to finish placing weapons in your reach, which he does as he blurts, “Sixteen minutes! Yesterday sucks!”

Betty has no trouble taking out the lone ship. As for the many grapplers, they fire their hooks as soon as the ship poofs into nothing.

That is to say, they aim where the airship WAS, as far as their best guess could go. They had not yet locked onto the hull, so all the enemy could do was shoot where their ships happened to be aimed, perhaps with a slight adjustment.

And so the chaos commences.

On the portside, Cassie blasts away! She is just shy of the perfect bank shot, but still, one exploding ship’s debris collided with its nearest neighbor, who in turn shoots its hook into another ship whose pilot is one of five turned to stone. He and his fellow statues all lean heavily onto the thrusters as the survivors fire their hooks. None hit your ship’s hull. Those that hit anything hit the balloon!

And so what is there to do but steer toward the Western Edge of the World and land?

And look back at the fates of your enemies, of course!

The stone pilots’ ships drag one still-of-flesh pilot’s grappler somewhere in space. His hull is breached. Even if he frees his grappler, he will not survive. The stone ones may be better off.

The two intact ships who grappled nothing are too focused on the chaos to see the great green dragon swimming the Celestial Sea. And their cockpits are open because they were planning to board. You can trust Betty will do as she must to prevent pursuit.

As for the men who DID grapple your ship, they have been yanked from their cockpits and are clinging to their ropes for dear life, screaming like crazed chipmunks!

It’s the helium leak. Your voices are quite high pitched as well, you will find, if you’ve something to say.

Captain Stonefist makes the grave mistake of taunting Captain Euryale, in his weenily high pitch: “You’ll never control the landing, Euryale! The leak will spiral you outta control and you got nothing to weigh down your balloon!”

Illuria knows damn well half a dozen statues on ropes would do the trick.

(Ending Act I…)

Your status:
• Betty ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/Dragon Form!
• Cassie ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/
• Illuria ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/☀️☀️☀️
• Zindarel ♥️♥️♥️/☀️

Betty, (defensively) roll d8 to will bullets to stop, and feel free to attack the ship with a d12 roll.

While Betty keeps one ship busy, Illuria confounds the other. Unable to get a clear shot from his guns, Captain Stonefist has his men uncloak their grappler ships.

“Prepare to be boarded!”

Everyone but Betty, deal with the impossible odds as you see fit!
• Anyone:d12 atk/stunt
• or Zindarel:☀️+d10 magic
• or Illuria:☀️☀️+d20 gaze of stone

Your status:
• Betty ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/Dragon Form!
• Cassie ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/
• Illuria ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️/☀️☀️☀️
• Zindarel ♥️♥️♥️/☀️

You are quick to retaliate! Cassie fires a cannon at one of the ships, breaching its hull. While Zindarel is quite capable of hurling her little stars at a close target, the masterful piloting of her captain negates the need! The odds of a balloon ship dodging both missiles are against her! Never tell her the odds! Illuria veers toward the closer one, makes a sharp turn to sway aside—and you all see the rocket’s red glare portside! The second missile is headed toward the balloon itself, but the maneuver causes the ship to descend suddenly.

And did we ever tell you a fairy’s little eye is very observant. But the shuriken are not in hand for nothing. There IS that ship with the breached hull!

And so Bettty, in her winged dragon form, is capable of taking on a one-or-two-man ship! She may fly out to meet them!

One ship is disabled. Its engine fire dies. It is unclear whether the pilot (and copilot) are alive.

The other two ships come closer and they are not aiming for your hull or the big obvious target: the balloon! Bullets rain down upon the deck!

Fortunately, Betty is in her dragon form drawing fire from one ship!

Roll a Reflex Action to dodge bullets!
• Betty, roll a d4
• Cassie & Illuria, roll a d6
• Zindarel, roll a d8
[1-2] You lose ♥️
[3+] The enemy misses

After defending, TAKE ACTION!

A voice bellows across space, forcing itself through your communication system.

Normally, you would identify the caller, pick up the call—or decline—and then there’s the matter of how the call is billed…

“Captain Euryale! You don’t know the name, Jaeger Stonefist, but your freakish gaze changed me for the better! I’ll paint my fist with your blood—assuming my men don’t blast you to smithereens!”

With those words, the one ship splits into three. Rockets are fired—

You have time to act! The captain is at the helm; the rest of you have magic or access to cannons.
Action/Stunt • Roll a d12
Magic • Spend ☀️ & Roll a d10

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