“SMASH R.P.G.,” a Femme/Slash episode ((COMPLETED)) (Inactive)

Game Master Legendary Sidekick

• Prologue: “Vermilion is the New Orange”
Post at least once!
Light up the room?
Watch SMASH R.P.G. Were you not entertained?
Go to sleep. Nightie knight!

• Act I: “Eastward to the Western Edge”
Commence flashback!
Encounter ships! Alvin, Simon, Theodore… NOOOO!

• Act II: “Total Carnage! They Love It!”
SMASH R.P.G. Room #1: “Prison Break!” Yes, they ARE entertained!
Room #2: “The @$$ #*£€”
Room #3: “All Foxed Up” Foxy femmes!
Room #4: “The Circle of Ligers”
Room #5: “The Elephant in the Room” R.I.P., Drumbo?
Room #6: “Knights, Chimera, ACTION!!”
Room #7: “Just a Slice”
Room #8: “Candlelight” ☀️SHINE GET!
Room #9: “Icing Climber”
Room #10: “Fey Might Be Giants” And what are we gonna do unless they are?
Boss: “Big B” SMASH’d!!

• Act III: “Max Madness”
Choose your path. Happy Belated VeggieFest?
Get a room, you four!
R&R @ B&B Nothing good on HV!
Make some sorta plan!
Set up an ambush on the Tethered Isle—and STRUCK!
Vs. Crow T. Clown

• Epilogue: “Amazons . . . in . . . SPAAAACE!”

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Fortitude: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 3

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Castra leans into the power of the reverberations and steps forward alongside Betty, flexing her hands like she’s going to throttle the drummer from behind.

The drumming continues! Zindarel gets the feeling that, if she were closer, the drumming would have shattered her tiny bones! Cassie feels the opposite, like the drumming isn’t actually meant to kill—though it no doubt can!

ALL of you can feel it if you even sidestep accidentally that the force is way more than you can bear. Only a move directly behind is survivable.

You also notice something else as Betty dances past Illuria…

Betty Long wrote:

[dice=Fort]d6 = 5 (+♥️)

[dice=Reflex]d4 = 3 (two steps)
[dice=Will]d8 = 6 (truth + question)

Betty starts shaking those hips to the rhythm of the drums. Her tummy shakes along, left and right, left and right, as she puts a step forward, and a second one, closer to the giant's back. Her hands make wave motions, left to right and back, to the beat, as her head and all her chins bob along. She's starting to feel more and more sure of herself as she dances along, actually feeling like doing something instead of just sitting on her butt. That swinging, swaying butt...

As she's dancing forward, she wonders: "What's the giant's back tattoo about; why is that specifically what we should aim for?"

Betty’s wounds begin to heal!

@non-Betties, Fort, Reflex & Will!
If you describe dance steps like Betty did, see the second spoiler!

Defensive Rolls:
Fort saves!
@Betty, d6
@Cassie/Illuria, d8
@Zindarel, d4

[1-2] You feel shaken
[3-5] You feel like you’re holding together…?
[6+] You feel strong!!

Reflex saves!
@Betty, d4
@Cassie/Illuria, d6
@Zindarel, d8

[1-2] Can’t move
[3-5] One step forward
[6+] Two steps forward OR one step backward

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] Reveal a truth
[3-5] No effect
[6+] Glean a truth

DANCEnsive Rolls:
Fort saves!
@Betty, d6
@Cassie/Illuria, d8
@Zindarel, d4

[1-2] You feel like you got this
[3-5] Heal yourself +♥️
[6+] Heal your friends +♥️

Reflex saves!
@Betty, d4
@Cassie/Illuria, d6
@Zindarel, d8

[1-2] One step
[3-5] Two steps
[6+] Three steps OR move to any friend behind you

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] No effect
[3-5] Glean a truth
[6+] Glean a truth AND ask a question, which will be truthfully answered

Belly Dancing for Justice! (F, R, W): 1d4 ⇒ 41d8 ⇒ 71d6 ⇒ 4

Zindarel shakes off her initial disorientation and watches as Betty shimmies and shakes her way towards the drummer. The fairy nods, concealing herself with a cloud of smoke. When it clears, she is clad in a belly dancer's outfit instead of her usual garb. "Time to put my training to use," she says.

The little woman gyrates and undulates her hips as she dances across the room.

Heal self, 3 steps, glean truth.

Betty’s & Zindarel’s truth:

By dancing and healing, Betty and Zindarel now know how to use their own magic to heal!
+☀️ replenished & you can use ☀️ for magical healing!

In addition to learning this new magic, Zindarel gets an odd feeling that striking the tattoo is somehow a favor to Drumbo.

Betty’s answer:
Oh… you figured out how to work my beat. Then I’ll level with ya. My tattoo’s pretty much another drum. I got it years before I got locked up, in case one day I get stabbed in the back figuratively or literally. A blade or your horned helm would be literal.

It’ll look like ya kill me, but I’ll be alright. Keep that between you and your friends here. Bastardom can never find out, got it?

[ooc]As you hear this, you cannot help but notice the giant drum and the tattoo bear the same symbol!

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Illuria looks almost fearful as she sees the others start dancing.

Her snakes hiss in her ear and start swaying to the beat, and she gets a measure of confidence. She starts a boot-stomping jig as if she were on the deck of her ship and celebrating with her crew.

Fort: 1d8 ⇒ 7

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 5

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Illuria’s dance spreads the magic, healing the party to the extent that Cassie has but a scratch and Betty is not wounded at all.

Illuria’s Truth:
You’re in a trial by combat in a men’s max security prison. We’re on death row, and yeah… we all did something to earn our place here. You? You’re in a trial by combat. You CAN’T be imprisoned here, so options for amazons and the like: prize slave or combatant. Bastardom’ll let ya walk if ya make it. He’s an asshoIe, but play his game and this hell will be a weird memory for ya.

If I ever see you outside, I’m in your debt. Just don’t miss my tattoo. Dead center, got it?

Fortitude: 1d8 ⇒ 4

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 1

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Castra's eyes narrow as Betty's wounds visibly heal. Healing via performance? I guess that would be a show...

She changes her purposeful stride to a more sultry stalking. She has no intention of trying to move as well as Z or even Betty, but she knows how turn a man's head with her movements. Swaying and weaving her arms as she moves forward, she focuses that smoldering look on the tattoo as she continues forward.

Heal self, one step, no effect

You all benefit fully from the healing effects. You all know the dance!

Now is the time to strike!!

Fort saves!
@Betty, d6
@Cassie/Illuria, d8
@Zindarel, d4

[1-2] no effect
[3-5] ▶️✴️
[6+] ▶️▶️✴️✴️

Reflex saves!
@Betty, d4
@Cassie/Illuria, d6
@Zindarel, d8

[1-2] ▶️
[3-5] ▶️▶️
[6+] ▶️▶️▶️

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] no effect
[3-5] ▶️✴️
[6+] ▶️✴️✴️✴️
Each ▶️ is a step forward!
Each ✴️ adds to your striking power!
@Illuria, roll the d12 to strike!
@Betty/Zindarel, roll the d12 if you gain ▶️▶️
@Cassie, roll the d12 if you gain ▶️▶️▶️

Dance Fight! (F, R, W): 1d4 ⇒ 21d8 ⇒ 31d6 ⇒ 5
Pow!: 1d12 ⇒ 4

Zindarel spins and rolls her belly as she gets close, then leaps up with a wing flutter to attack the tattoo!

3 steps, one power boost

Fort: 1d6 ⇒ 4
Reflex: 1d4 ⇒ 3
Will: 1d8 ⇒ 6
((4 steps, 4 strikes))

Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 11

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Fort: 1d8 ⇒ 3

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 2

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Strike!: 1d12 ⇒ 3

Two steps, one power boost

Fortitude: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 5

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Four steps, two boosts

Cassi defers to the dragon-woman, but follows with another attack to support her. Her intent is to knock the man unconscious rather than kill him.

Support attack: 1d12 ⇒ 5

Betty dances to drums, moving closer and closer. Her tummy and... arms' swaying build up evermore momentum. As she reaches the giant, she goes in for a grand finale. She twirls and twirls on her tippytoes, her arms arching above her head. The momentum that's building up is becoming almost palatable! That or it's the sweat that's flinging around... From the twirl, Betty leaps forward, releasing all pent-up momentum in a flying kick straight in the middle of the giant's back tattoo.

All of you do as Drumbo said! Zindarel strikes the center of a black circle as does Illuria—for the violent reverberations make it impossible for them to hit the mark despite the big man permitting this. Cassie, you have complete control over your blade, but your warrior’s instinct tells you: Betty’s got this. For support, you strike the third black circle.

The three of you who struck with blades are suddenly forced back ten feet!

Betty, you sail past your companions, dancing through the air! Your flying kick strikes dead center and with such perfection, could it be that you are always dragon even without the transformation?

You bounce back five feet and only now to you all notice…

The big man is unharmed.

He turns, big grin on his face.

“That went exactly according my plan! TIME TO DIE!”

It appears you have been lured to your doom! Is this how other SMASH teams had been crushed? If so, it would explain why Bastardom might suspect nothing… but, was the big man being honest with YOU?

The answer to this question is apparent when Drumbo turns his back, his reverberating tattoo aligned with the symbol on his drum—each a mirror image of the other!

The drum sounds grow louder, despite the fact that Drumbo is no longer beating it! His sticks are raised overhead as if he intends to beat YOU!!

You are all too shaken to move! The entire room is shaking! Small pieces of concrete are crumbling from the ceiling! Cracks form along the walls and floor!

Drumbo’s body shakes violently as the beat echoes from the symbol on his back to the counterpart on his drum. Louder and faster, louder! Faster! So fast the beats become one sound! So loud you hear nothing at all!!

And in the silence, Drumbo spontaneously combusts!

All that remains is a little green globule on his drum seat.

“Huh. What a f*@!in’ idiot.” Bastardom remains silent for a moment, then says, “Door’s open, ladies.”

The door to a very large room opens.

"Sayonara," Zindarel says with a bow towards the green globule. The fairy poofs her normal clothes back into existence and flitters near Illuria's head, ready to move on.

Castra checks her swords in their twin sheathes and shrugs. She's ready to follow her captain forward.

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Illuria snatches one of her snakes that started coiling toward Zindarel. "No!" Gripping it around its neck, she pulls the head directly in front of her face. "No," she scolds it.

The snake pouts, but doesn't try again.

"Good hit, Betty. Next room, then?"

The door behind you slams shut as you enter the large room to the north.

There are two doors, both of which are locked. The one north of you is the path not taken, which you were warned, sucks.

To the east, the door is labeled Cake Walk.

You seem to have time to step into the room, look around. The ceiling is high, which is good for fairies and winged dragons. It is otherwise drab and gray—could use a woman’s touch—bloodstains and dry bones not quite clean. Some rats (bigger than Zindarel!) chewing on a rotted carcass in the southwest corner of the room.

There is no enemy inside and no means to leave.

You should assume picking a lock would be unwise to attempt.

“So far, our contestants are still breathing. And maybe it’s just the lightning—or the blood on the walls, so they look less bloody in comparison—but it appears the femmes fatales are entering the big room with no more than scrapes and bruises.”

There is a pounding on the door.

“Let’s see what condition they’ll be in when they exit. Ideally, on their feet and not in bags.”

The walls around the north door start to crack.

“SMASH fans watching at home on HearthVision, peeps in our live studio audience, and you that one guy from Cell Block D who’s still alive…”

The north wall bursts! Chunks of concrete fly! Dust billows!

“May I present to you, Knights – Chimera — ACTION!!”

The dust clears. And the lone foe before you is a three-headed cyclops in full plate armor. Only the head on the left is armored. The center head wears a hood and the one on the right protrudes from the shoulder of a ten-foot long arm. The creature itself from hood to steel toe stands thirteen feet tall (and near as wide).

The head on the right says, “Nooo WAY!”

Bastardom says, “Good luck! You’ll need it!”


Zindarel keeps her distance, hurling shuriken at the rightmost head's eye (the one on the shoulder).

Eye Shuriken!: 1d12 ⇒ 7

Magical girl Betty's magical magnificent marvelous mysterious miraculous dragon transformation!: 1d10 ⇒ 3

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

"Catch!" Illuria shouts as she tosses a stolen grenade at the tri-cyclops. Then in a smooth motion, she draws her heretofore unused flintlock pistol and shoots the grenade so that it blows up in its faces!

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 11

Castra watches the captain and the pixie open with shrapnel attacks, but she has nothing of the sort. She charges through the smoke of the explosion, taking her right-hand sword in two hands and makes a leaping stab to drive it through the eye of the hooded head.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 9

Zindarel blinds one foe and Illuria blows all three heads off. Cassie thrusts her blade into the center neck!

The creature slumps over, blood gushing rivers from the necks.

Bastardom shouts, “Where’s my monster guy?! What the f!$$ do I pay him for?!”

Seeing as the only monster in the room has fallen and the door is still locked, something has to be done to leave. Betty's transformation acted up a little bit and she now has a beaver tail, goose wings and a dragon head. Using the beaver tail, she pummels the now dead knight-chimera til he's nothing but a bloody smear, yelling: "And stay down!", then turns her gaze at the rats in the corner.

“It’s not done. We need to cauterize the wounds so they don’t grow back like a hydra.”

Or the rats are the real opponent!

As Betty starts to mash the arm, Cassie correctly predicts what the beast truly is (or is similar to).

Cyclops heads sprout from the left and center neck holes! And from the arm, THREE heads!

@Betty, d6 Fort vs. grabby arm!
[1-2] Headlock plus bicep bite attack!
[3+] Safe!
@Illuria/Cassie d6 / Zindarel d8 Reflex vs blood-splosion!
[1-2] Hit and outfit doused in blood —gross!
[3-5] Still splashed, but harmless …just gross.
[6+] Missed, except for one drop
TAKE ACTION and tell me what you’re aiming at!

Already facing the center head-hole, Castra shoves her sword into the eye of the now-accompanying head.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 7

Oops, incoming roll

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 6

Fort: 1d6 ⇒ 6
Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 12

The sprouting heads spook Betty and she instinctively jumps away before anything can grab or bite her. She turns at the three new heads, a bright, white light growing at the back of her throat. Soon a burst of whitehot flame shoots as her fiery breath flies out. How she doesn't burn her uvula and tongue remains a mystery, although a diet of "extra spicy hot chili" flavored potato chips may have something to do with it.

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Reflex: 1d8 ⇒ 3

Illuria gets hit with a decent amount of blood, but she's used to arterial spray so she's unfazed.

Seeing the creature regenerate, she holsters her pistol. "Poison time."

Snake attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 10

She jukes, feints, and moves close enough for her snakes to sink their fangs into the exposed flesh of the center head -- after letting Betty unleash her gout of flames.

“Talk about hot-headed!” Bastardom quips over the horrified screams of the burning heads. The entire bare arm blisters and bubbles from the heat!

Cassie blinds her target! And when Illuria’s snakes strike it, the head starts gasping and foaming at the mouth.

“Ooh…” Bastardom is so impressed, he needs a couple seconds before he blurts a one-liner: “That’s a lotta toxic masculinity!”

The crowd cheers! Maybe at the line, more likely at the tactic.

((Please hold for Zindarel.))

Reflex: 1d8 ⇒ 6

Dodging the gore, Zindarel moves in to stab the left head.

Stab!: 1d12 ⇒ 7

The monstrosity takes a beating! The right arm becomes engulfed—persistent damage causing five giant heads to grow on the bubbling, blistering arm—THOSE heads burn and die and grow ten human sized heads—and THEY burn, especially their eyes. And they’re fine with it.

The poisoned head coughs up a head growing on its dead tongue, with another dead head half out of its ear. Those heads grow more heads, which grow MORE until there’s a neck made of giant, human and monkey sized heads with a head as big as Betty’s full (nymph) body at the end of the neck. It’s dead too, but the many cat sized heads protruding from its scalp are alive and slithering by their necks!

The two surviving heads try to make the armored body walk, but one is blind and the other can’t possible move the body because the right arm and neck vastly outweigh the rest of the creature, armor suit included.

Only the burning arm-heads and serpentine neck-heads can attack.

The fiery heads attack Betty and cause several explosions! Zindarel gets caught in the crossfire which its intended target is immune to!
@Zindarel, d8 to dodge a mushroom cloud!
[1-2] That REALLY hurts a lot!
[3-5] That hurts A LOT!
[6+] That singed your ninja garb (no HP loss)
@Betty, don’t roll defense. You’re immune, goose feathers and all!

The serpentine neck writhes and bites and slams!
@Cassie, d8 ’cause the little cat-sized heads are creepy and bitey and toxic!
[1-2] They REALLY hurt a lot!
[3-5] They hurt A LOT!
[6+] One head snaps a gang on your ankle, but you can walk it off (no HP loss)
@Illuria, d6 to dodge the headbutt!
[1-2] The head-conking hurts, but you’re immune to the poisonous bites that follow.
[3-5] You get bit. So what? (no HP loss)
[6+] You dodge, and the head bashes hard against the ground when it misses!
No one will fall, so TAKE ACTIONS!!

Reflex: 1d8 ⇒ 3

Zindarel cries out as the explosion engulfs her. Burnt and angry, she stabs at the fire breathing heads.

Revenge!: 1d12 ⇒ 1

Or tries to, at least!

Burn, baby! Burn!: 1d12 ⇒ 7
Betty rears her head and tosses it forward again, blasting another wave of fiery death. This time, she aims at the armor itself, trying to heat it up, potentially melting it onto the monster.

“Looks like our goose-dragon’s cooking up a plan!”

Bastardom’s kidding… but not entirely. The armor is beginning to give off a red glow. And the creature itself is starting to sizzle.

((Please hold for Cassie & Illuria.))

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Dodge: 1d6 ⇒ 4

Illuria grimaces from the bites, but the poison is negligible. Wishing she had her gaze attack to finish this thing off -- even though it would make a horribly ugly statue -- she shifts tactics.

Drawing her cutlass, she starts attacking the legs of the beast, hoping to find a real or metaphorical Achilles heel.

Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 6

When the molten armor expands rapidly as burning heads grow more heads, breathing fire which kills the heads not immune to fire while poison weakens the heads not immune to poison!

When Illuria cuts off a boot, a head grows out and gnashes its teeth—but it is immediately stomped dead as the expanding armored body somehow stands up!

Cassie has no choice but to strike as heads on cascading lava necks drip around her!
((Same defense roll, Cassie! Your d12 action is to carve outta this mess!
Please hold for Cassie!))

Avoid: 1d8 ⇒ 6

Escape: 1d12 ⇒ 11

Taking a note from the pixie’s skill at avoiding danger, Cassie lightly steps among the dripping lava and gnashing teeth. Seeing the space she’s in rapidly growing smaller, she draws the second sword and goes ginsu on the creature as she cuts her way out.

The beast takes up more than half the room now! It has hundreds of eyes, but the sensory overload only enrages the beast! It attacks wildly and aimlessly!

One of its attacks smashes the steel door to the east off its hinges. The saw-blade traps are set, but Zindarel can fly through!

“Exit, stage right!” Bastardom announces with a sense of urgency!

The rest of you will need to pull a stunt to make it unscathed!
Non-Zindarels, d12 stunt to escape unscathed!
@Betty, you need to revert to nymph form to fit the opening!
[1-2] fail? - roll Fort, 6+ succeeds!
[3-5] fail? - roll Fort, 3+ succeeds!
[6-9] success! - no defense needed!
[10+] help one ally out safely (no HP loss for failed defense roll for that ally)

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

"Let's move out!" Illuria shouts, eager to be away from the disgusting monstrosity.

Dance through the rigging!: 1d12 ⇒ 11

Squeezing through tight spots is just part of the pirate's life, and Illuria has no trouble -- even pausing to make sure her crew is making it through safely.

Escape: 1d12 ⇒ 4 Urk!

Fortitude: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Cassi slips in some of the gore and comes up against a spinning blade, but it’s the side, not the business-dealing edge, and barely registers the rub burn it gives her. She shoves her swords through two of the blades, pinning them to the wall as their motors scream, and slips past, pulling her weapons free when she is clear.

“Come on, you fire-breathing beauty, we have more fun ahead!”

With the captain’s success, Betty basically has a free pass, right? Since I didn’t use the aid?

You all make it past the blades which might have been more painful than the blows from the giant creature. It is fortunate that none of you have learned the hard way!

There is a long corridor that heads eastward, as seen on the map. However, a steel wall slams shut—leaving you trapped!

Bastardom’s voice bellows over the comm, “Ladies! That was unintended! I’m opening the emergency exit to the north—AH F$!#!”

The north wall opens. Dust billows our and there are thousands of eyeballs from the still-expanding monster!

They all lock on YOU, and they form a wall of eyes as thick as the room. Surely, you know by now it does not benefit you to harm it!

“South,” Bastardom calls to you, “SOUTH! OPEN, GODSDAMMIT!”

The south wall takes way too damn long, and making matters arguably worse is the portion of the monster that tries following you through the sawblade trap.

A geyser of blood and several decapitated heads get shot out at you!

Non-fairies, Fort vs multi-attack!
[1-2] chunks of skull and blood shoot out at you!
[3-5] same, but not as much!
[6+] gross, but harmless!
@Zindarel, Reflex!
[1-2] a head bigger than you conks you UNCONSCIOUS!!!
[3+] you’re tiny and winged and able to slip out under the opening wall to the southern half of this room!
Non-fairies, pull a stunt for a quick getaway!
[1-2] Slow exit
[3-5] Normal exit
[6-9] Fast exit
[10+] Coach others, speeding up the slowest teammate(s)!
@Zindarel, again, no fail condition for a stunt, so you can either:
• roll d12 for the chance to inspire slow teammates
• roll d10 to use magic
• do nothing if you’re KO’d!
((Anyone can carry Zindarel as a “free action” if she’s KO’d, assuming you’re all attempting to head south.))

Fortitude: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Exit stunt: 1d12 ⇒ 10

With a shout of "This way!", Castra leads her friends toward the slowly opening south wall and dives underneath, sliding through the debris and rolling out of the way to allow the others to come through behind her.

Reflex: 1d8 ⇒ 8
Inspire: 1d12 ⇒ 3

Zindarel expertly slides under the wall, then beckons and waves her friends forward. ”Hey! Listen! Watch out!” she calls.

Fort: 1d6 ⇒ 2
Stunt: 1d12 ⇒ 9

Considering Betty's size, the obvious happens: A barrage of skull shards sting her in the back while a spray of blood washes over her. Absolutely grossed out, Betty pulls her shoulders up and digs her head between them, tucking it forward as well as she hurries out of there. She does a tippy toe run, slapping the wall aside with her hips and quickly slips past.

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Fort: 1d8 ⇒ 7

Stunt: 1d12 ⇒ 3

Illuria isn't fazed by the blood-bath, but it does slow her down when it comes to time to get out of the area.

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