“SMASH R.P.G.,” a Femme/Slash episode ((COMPLETED)) (Inactive)

Game Master Legendary Sidekick

• Prologue: “Vermilion is the New Orange”
Post at least once!
Light up the room?
Watch SMASH R.P.G. Were you not entertained?
Go to sleep. Nightie knight!

• Act I: “Eastward to the Western Edge”
Commence flashback!
Encounter ships! Alvin, Simon, Theodore… NOOOO!

• Act II: “Total Carnage! They Love It!”
SMASH R.P.G. Room #1: “Prison Break!” Yes, they ARE entertained!
Room #2: “The @$$ #*£€”
Room #3: “All Foxed Up” Foxy femmes!
Room #4: “The Circle of Ligers”
Room #5: “The Elephant in the Room” R.I.P., Drumbo?
Room #6: “Knights, Chimera, ACTION!!”
Room #7: “Just a Slice”
Room #8: “Candlelight” ☀️SHINE GET!
Room #9: “Icing Climber”
Room #10: “Fey Might Be Giants” And what are we gonna do unless they are?
Boss: “Big B” SMASH’d!!

• Act III: “Max Madness”
Choose your path. Happy Belated VeggieFest?
Get a room, you four!
R&R @ B&B Nothing good on HV!
Make some sorta plan!
Set up an ambush on the Tethered Isle—and STRUCK!
Vs. Crow T. Clown

• Epilogue: “Amazons . . . in . . . SPAAAACE!”

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Arrival of inspiration for a good fart joke: 1d6 ⇒ 2

Bot Zindarel: 1d8 ⇒ 5

None of our heroines are quick enough to react to a flash! A cat-faced man in a leopard-print wifebeater grabs Betty by the love handles and lifts her with ease! In a single deft move, he leaps, bounces off the wall, and into a cage!

“Ladies, meet Ti-Cheetah! The speedster of supervillain Team Catastrophe!”

The tiger/cheetah man lifts Betty overhead with his beefy striped/spotted arms…

@Betty only, d12 to act, or d10 to use magic!

Magical girl Betty's magical magnificent marvelous mysterious miraculous dragon transformation!: 1d10 ⇒ 10

Out of the blue, Betty gets grabbed. She's surprised and scared and... in an instant, before anyone knows it, just like that, she's turned into a green dragon with a bewildered look on its face!

To-Cheetah holds up the dragon momentarily… then with a loud metallic THUD, Betty lands butt-first onto the floor. Ti-Cheetah is crushed, and even if he somehow survived, his speedster days are over.

“Well… looks like it will be a fair fight now, four on four! In the corners of the cage we have…

“ThunderBob!”—a tiger/bobcat/man—

“Tony the Fawkin Great!”—a tiger/puma/man—

“Moofasa!”—a man with a lion’s heat and bull hooves!—

“And Leopardo DiCatrio!—a pipe-smoking wildcat wizard!

He lets the rest of our heroines step in the ring. There is a crowd just outside the cage cheering wildly! They are not the studio audience but men in orange jumpsuits. They are not here to kill you. They’re just here to watch.

“Tony,” says Leopardo, “Do something terrible.”

Everyone may TAKE ACTION. You need a 6+ to hit with a d12 this round.

Couching Betty Pouncing Dragon: 1d12 ⇒ 1
((Well that sucked))

The giant green dragon coils down, ready to pounce at any opponent who dares come closer. The moment one of them moves, however, it turns out sitting on her own tail keeps her back. The giant maw with razorsharp, fist-sized teeth snaps as it slaps on the floor.

Attack Wizard: 1d12 ⇒ 10

Zindarel quickly hurls a handful of shuriken at the wizard cat!

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Illuria squares off with Tony the Fawkin Great. She gives her cutlass a twirl as she maneuvers for an opening.

Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 10

She finds it!

"Your cereal killing days are over, Tony."

Betty’s attempt to get off of her crushed opponent —who might have still been alive— causes her to smear his corpse into paste. She seems unable to pick herself up off of the grotesque mess.

“In life, he was a super villain. In death, he’s super glue.”

The men in orange jumpsuits have mixed reactions. Some laugh at the M.C.’s epitaph. Some throttle the chain link fence in a rage. One scales the links as if ready to climb into your cage, but when he gets to the coiled razor wire, he’s having second thoughts. Most cheer until the fairy riddles the wizard rotund torso with shuriken.

“S+~~.” He casually puffs on his pipe and turns to Tony, who’s taking a hell of a beating himself. “Show ‘em you’re a f&#@in’ tiger, Tony. Show ‘em what the f#+& you can do.”

“I’m also part puma, boss,” Tony replies.

”Who gives a f!~$?”

Tony gives Illuria the eye of the tiger(-puma) and activates his Fawkin Great Elevator Shoes!

(Still need action from Cassie.)

Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 10

The already-silent crowd of men in orange emits a horrified gasp as Cassie rolls in and pierces the gut of Leopardo DiCatrio.

“Ohhh… who the f+!% rushes the f%~$in… cast…er?”

He falls flat on his back.

Men in the orange-jumpsuit crowd shout, “Monster!” and “The f%*# you do that for!” and “SHlT!”

The studio audience is cheering wildly, MUCH happier to see the wizard fall than the men in orange, some of whom are backing away while others flee in terror, and others grab
and fling them toward the cage. A couple younger guys seize the opportunity to press against the fence for the best view of the fight. The man who climbed the fence has his sleeve caught on the razor wire. He’s trying to get loose…

ThunderBob shouts, “Boss is dead.”

”What’re ya gonna do, right?” says Moofasa.

”Avenge him, doi,” says Tony as he grows to about Betty’s size.

“Let’s get to woik.” Moofasa roars at Zindarel!
@Zindarel, d6 Willpower!
[1-2] Hit + wings disabled for one round
[3+] Resisted!

ThunderBob moves to thunder-punch Illuria!
@Illuria, d6 Reflex Action!
[1-2] Hit + “thunderstruck” (weak vs. lightning)
[3+] Dodged!

Tony grabs Betty and tries to pile drive her onto Cassie!
@Betty, d6 Fortitude!
[1-2] Pile-Driven!
[3+] Too damn heavy for the giant tiger-puma-man to lift!
@Cassie, d6 Reflex Action!
[1-2] Crushed!—unless Betty makes her save!
[3+] Dodged!

As our heroines fight the three remaining foes, several men in orange jumpsuits get into a brawl. The guy who finally wrenched his sleeve from the razor wire can’t get down with the frenzy right below him. He pisses his pants.

Hammerroid Betty?: 1d6 ⇒ 1

Tony the tiger grabs Betty between some scales. It tickles! Betty giggles and squirms, which results in her doing most of the heavy lifting for her opponent.

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 1

Castra is caught completely off-guard as Betty lands on her.

Tony’s attack is devastating!

But Betty and Cassie can work together to topple the giant!

Betty ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Cassie ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Illuria ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Zindarel ♥️♥️♥️♥️/☀️
Everyone take actions!

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 4

Illuria evades the thunder-punch, sidestepping the crackling fist. She retaliates by driving her cutlass into his gut.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 9

Castra whispers, "Roll left, hard, on 3. 1, 2, 3!"

Hopefully, as the dragon throws her bulk into the giant's ankles, the Amazon can kip up and bring both swords to bear as he topples.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 9

As you all fight the foes who still stand,
Wizard flat on the mat, his pipe still in hand,
A stream of smoke slithers through the crowd like a snake,
Searching for weakness—for nine lives to take…

The man who climbed the fence and pissed himself suddenly finds a hole bored into his gut. He screams in agony as pipe smoke worms its way through his back, his sternum, his left thigh—geysers of blood bursting with each penetration from the serpentine vapor.

His fingers cling rigor-mortis-tight as he thrashes and lets out a shrill cry, eyes bleeding, body slamming against the chain link fence! His scream hits a pitch only dogs can hear until his head explodes!

The men rioting stampede away from their fence to the gate leading to cell block D. They look back, hoping the Nine Lives spell will take the younger men who claimed their ringside spots. But Leopardo DiCatrio craves the weak, and opportunists are strong. It is those who fled furthest he will take…

Blood splashes the locked gate to cell block D. The sounds of excruciating pain are the cries of a third victim…

Your characters will notice men in the audience exploding, but they don’t know the dead wizard cast Nine Lives. Not like they can save the men in orange jumpsuits anyway.

Willpower: 1d6 ⇒ 2

Zindarel lets out a grunt as Moofasa knocks her from the air. Her wings temporarily out of commission, the fairy grunts, draws her kunai, and stabs at the big lion's ankles!

Attack Moofasa: 1d12 ⇒ 8

"That oughta leave a scar!" she quips.

The Fatso Strikes Back: 1d12 ⇒ 12
Betty coils her tail clockwise around the giant's ankles, her head going counter-clockwise around them, til she's wrapped his feet entirely. She then squeezes tighter and tighter... and tighter, then yanks his feet backwards from underneath him.

Moofasa looks down and stomps Zindarel!

@Zindarel, d8 Reflex!
[1-2] get stomped!
[3+] you FLY outta the way!
(Wings are back in action no matter what.)

ThunderBob unleashes a flurry of rapid kicks!
@Illuria, d8 Fort to withstand the undodgeable Lightning Kick!
[1-2] get hit, but not terrible hard
[3-5] no effect (other than a few bruises)
[6+] block, throwing Bob off balance!

Tony struggles to free himself from Betty’s might!
@Betty, d8 Willpower!
[1-2] get kicked against the cage, wrecking one metal wall and sending you outta the ring!
[3-5] no effect
[6+] Tony feels inadequate, and his giant transformation ends!

Cassie is momentarily free of an opponent. She notices several men screaming and exploding. All of the men in orange jumpsuits are terrified. “Take him instead!” “I didn’t mean to pull the trig—“ “I respect you Mr. Di—“ Those who plea scream and explode, prompting the rest of the men not to plea! The ninth to die bursts, showering the crowd in blood, entrails, shattered bone, and his head lands in the ring.

Leopardo DiCatrio rises.

“You stabbed my stomach, kid,” he says to Cassie. “I hate that.”

@Cassie, d4 Willpower!
[1-2] Fall on Your Sword
[3+] You resist the spell

Even if you fail your saves, you can all act!

Reflex: 1d8 ⇒ 5

Zindarel executes another dodge-roll, then makes a wing-assisted leap up to Moofasa's neck, stabbing with her blades!

Neck Strike: 1d12 ⇒ 9

"Time to take your place in the circle of death!" she quips.

Willpower: 1d8 ⇒ 2
Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 1
As Betty coils up to bite Tony's head, he kicks her away. She flies across the arena, into the fence, through the fence and lands into the crowd. Needless to say, her bite misses from there.

Willpower: 1d4 ⇒ 3

In a voice that says she doesn’t find this fascinating in the least, Castra says, ”Fascinating.” And she lashes out at the wizard once more.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 12

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Fort: 1d8 ⇒ 6

Illuria steps in closer, throwing up a block before ThunderBob can generate much force.

With him off-balance, the medusa follows up with a combination of snake bites and slashes with her sword.
Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 4

ThunderBob stumbles and Illuria nearly takes him down as a result. In desperation, he tries to repel her!
“Thunder Cloud!”
@Illuria, d4 Willpower vs. “Thunder B.O.” (even though Bob insists it’s Cloud)
[1-2] A weird odor is bad for your health, and makes you want to go fight somebody else.
[3+] No effect.

Leopardo is disappointed. “Young people these days. They never f$*#ing listen. You gotta learn respect.” From out of nowhere, he slaps Cassie’s face!
@Cassie, d8 Fort vs. Slap
[1-2] Get hit, and sent flying into the fence!
[3-5] Get hit, and take no damage at all, nor are you moved.
[6+] Catch the hand. Leopardo cannot cast next round and will take extra damage if you hit him!

Moofasa’s cowardly lion side comes out as Zindarel unwittingly discovers his weakness! “It’s in my hair! IT’S IN MY HAIR!” He runs in a circle waving his paws in a tizzy! But he IS half bull, so his Super Power is to BS his way out of anything! He shakes his head so his fabulous but greasy mane sways in slow-mo and then whips to one side!
@Zindarel, d4 Fort vs. Mullet Whip!
No damage but…
[1-2] You nearly drop your blade and are too busy fumbling to use any d12 attacks
(You can still use ☀️+d10 for some kind of fairy/ninja magic)
[3+] No effect.

When Betty is slammed through the collapsing cage, her sheer weight causes a chain reaction and the fence is taken down with it! Between her sheer weight and the razor wire, several men in orange jumpsuits are unconscious or probably dead.

Tony grows even larger! As he does, he steps out of the ring and lurches over Betty.
“I’ll show you I’m a tiger! I’ll show you what I can do! Your dragon scales will be soggy flakes when I get through with you!”

He leaps very high in the air, splays his limbs forming an X. This is normally how cats slow their falls, but several tons of cat falls like several tons of anything!
@Betty, d6 Fort to somehow not get hurt by this!
[1-2] Get hurt and embedded in the ground!
[3-5] Get embedded in the ground, but unharmed!
[6+] Your soft body is unharmed and you slide out of the body press! Tony is embedded in the ground!
(Embedded means you’re forced to fight the same opponent and your next attack is weaker.)

@Everyone, even if you fail saves, TAKE ACTIONS!

Fortitude defense: 1d8 ⇒ 3

Castra's gives the wizard a wicked smile. "Really? I've been hit harder by a fairy."

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 2

In her attempt to spear his hand to disable his spellcasting, she misses the targeted shot and her face shows a bit of disappointment.

Fortitude: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Moofasa's mullet knocks Zindarel around. Fumbling her weapons, the fairy focuses her ki magic inward. Suddenly, a swarm of duplicates appear around the lion-man, all of them kicking and punching at his pressure points!

Shadow Clones!: 1d10 ⇒ 8

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 3

"You ever been on a pirate ship, mate? I know bad smells," Illuria snipes while she tries to finish off ThunderBob.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 2
However, the cloud is too thick and obscures her foe!

Embedded X-smash: 1d6 ⇒ 4
Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 12

Betty tries to squirm away, but there's too much debris, fence and corpses in the way, so she's too slow. Tony smashes on top of her. All the squirming did manage to give her some leeway. Betty moves along with the impact, resulting in simply being stuck there. She immediately wraps around the giant tiger and snaps her giant jaws at his neck.

“THEY’RE in my hair!” shouts Moofasa as the ninja fairy clones swarm his mane. Seeing the open cage, he GTFOs.

Betty finishes her foe as he rises and the giant topples… flattening the cowardly Moofasa!

Leopardo tells ThunderBob to “Gee tee eff over here.” Bob complies.

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] Take damage from an illusory thunder-fist and blame Bob (meaning you’re compelled to fight Bob even though Leopardo is clearly the greater threat.
[3+] No effect.
All can take d12 actions, only limited by a failed save.

Save Willy!: 1d8 ⇒ 2
Attack: 1d12 ⇒ 9

Out of nowhere, and far away from Bob, Betty gets smacked by a fist that cracks like roaring thunder. The sting from the punch pisses Betty off. She was laying so comfortably in that cradling crater! Turning her gaze at the one she's seen throwing thundering attacks before, she rushes over to Bob, slamming her head into him, pulling him along and smashing him into a broken part of fence pole before she flies upwards to avoid impaling herself.

Will: 1d6 ⇒ 6

Ignoring the illusion, Zindarel flies straight at Leo once more. "I've killed you once. I'll do it again!" she vows as she drives her kunais into his eyes!

Stab Leo: 1d12 ⇒ 12

Will save: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Castra shrugs off the wizard's spell and sidesteps to attack opposite the little fairy.

Flanking!: 1d12 ⇒ 4

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Resist: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Illuria starts to move after ThunderBob but her snakes whisper in her ear. She switches targets and moves to Leopardo.

Attack!: 1d12 ⇒ 8

Betty finishes Bob spectacularly! Perhaps it is because he his knocked away and impaled that the illusion has no effect on her teammates. Zindarel’s attack is precise, and her captain and teammate ensure the boss won’t get up.

At least not without his magic!

“I cast my Nine Lives spell on dozens of men… just a catnap is…all.”

He slumps over. Smoke rises from his pipe seeking weak ones.

Outside the cage is a young guy in orange. He has no idea the smoke intends to kill him. But without eight others, his death would not benefit Leopardo. And this young guy is the sole survivor of a group that was killed by death magic or crushed beyond recognition by wrestling giants. Thus, he is not weak.

Leopardo’s smoke dissipates unceremoniously.

The man in orange says to the victorious women, “That was amazing! I was rooting for you the whole time!”

The studio audience laughs and cheers.

The door to the east opens, but Betty’s form cannot squeeze through.

Castra takes the wizard's pipe as they leave.

Betty reverts to her nymphly beauty as you all step through the door. You again hear the drums that played when you first entered the pit.

There is a cage that prevents you from approaching the drummer.

Well, not you, Zindarel! Places you cannot enter can be counted on the thumbs of a one-armed bandit.

The drummer is a large man with large tusks. He stops playing when he sees you, stands up and bows.

Your instincts tell you he has no ill intent toward you.

“Drumbo. Girls.” Bastardom’s voice echos about the room. “Don’t kill each other yet. Cameras are down. Please stand by.”

The elephantine man grins at these words.

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

"Girls?" Illuria asks with venom in her voice as her snakes hiss menacingly.

She pops her neck as she strides into the next room, giving the tusked giant a wary look. "Sooo... no killing, yet? Is there a way to arrange it so that there's no killing at all?" she asks him.

Drumbo is moved by your choice of words. Though he tries to keep his expression unreadable, there is a softness in his eyes.

“It comes as a great relief and a pleasant surprise that you would ask this of me…”

His speech is slow, and slurred as if chewing on something, yet at the same time he is a true gentleman. Despite his physique which suggests he is well in touch with his not-so-gentle side.

“…though I have killed many men over many years prior to, and many years since my incarceration, I have never killed a woman. I mean no disrespect. You are formidable. You killed Leopardo DiCatrio, rival to my family. He killed my brother, Elphredo.

“Even if I were to abandon my principles, in the interest of self preservation, I would derive no pleasure in taking your lives. I give you my word… no women, no children… I will follow this code until my dying breath.”

He removes his shirt.

“I will ask of you one favor in return. You are to take your blade to me, strike the tattoo on my back. Speak no word that I choose to spare you at my own expense, even after Bastardom frees you. Capisce?”

Whispers to the captain:

This is secret!:
Maybe we don't kill this one, then. Just knock him out to defeat him?

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️


I'm inclined to agree. But stay alert. He might be earnest, but I don't trust our captors.

Illuria arches a suspicious eyebrow. "Strike your tattoo. Don't tell anyone. I assume we're also supposed to put on a show while we do it?"

In his eyes, you see confirmation when Illuria says ‘strike tattoo,’ ‘tell no one.’ But when she asks, ‘put on show?’ it is clear that Drumbo is struggling with… how to respond in kind words.

“I mean no disrespect. I’ve seen your fights. I’ve seen your… Foxy Fixx. You make better warriors than actresses.”

Castra snickers. “Actress? It’s not that kind of show, sir.”

Drumbo cracks a crooked grin at Cassie’s comment, but before he can speak, Bastardom’s voice booms:

“Okay. We’re on in three, two…”

The cage opens.

Much to the studio audience’s delight, the M.C. announces, “It’s SHOW TIME!”

Drumbo turns his back to you. Arms raised with very large sticks in his very large hands, he pounds on the enormous drum behind him!

{Taiko Drum Solo}

The sound is powerful! It rattles your bones so much you feel like your bones could shatter!!

But somehow, the sound of the drums sends a message—remain behind me; move straight toward my tattoo… my body is blocking the force of my drum.

Even with this pro tip, assuming it’s true, you have to do all in your power to withstand the force!

Fort saves!
@Betty, d6
@Cassie/Illuria, d8
@Zindarel, d4

[1-2] You feel shaken
[3-5] You feel like you’re holding together…?
[6+] You feel strong!!

Reflex saves!
@Betty, d4
@Cassie/Illuria, d6
@Zindarel, d8

[1-2] Can’t move
[3-5] One step forward
[6+] Two steps forward OR one step backward

Will saves!
@Betty, d8
@Cassie/Illuria, d4
@Zindarel, d6

[1-2] Reveal a truth
[3-5] No effect
[6+] Glean a truth

Medusa pirate ♥️♥️♥️♥️☀️☀️

Fort: 1d8 ⇒ 4 Hold...

Reflex: 1d6 ⇒ 6 Two steps...

Will: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Secret truth:

Illuria is ultimately grateful for her injury that allows her to look upon people/make eye contact without turning them to stone -- even if it's with only one eye. Seeing and being seen is a gift that she never would have known otherwise.

Fort, Reflex, Will: 1d4 ⇒ 11d8 ⇒ 11d6 ⇒ 3

The sound of the drums leaves Zindarel shaken and frozen in place! It's all she can do to keep from blurting out her secrets...

Fort:: 1d6 ⇒ 5 => Holding it together
Reflex:: 1d4 ⇒ 3 => One step forward
Will:: 1d8 ⇒ 6 => Glean a truth

Betty has had worse when she accidentally sat on the volume button and didn't feel like reaching for the remote. She slowly takes one step forward, towards the giant's back.

Truth for Betty:
Try to dance to the beat as you come at me. It’s good for ya.

If you dance on your next turn…
[1-2] Holding together
[3-5] Strong (+♥️)
[6+] Hold and make your friends stronger! (+♥️ each)
[1-2] One step
[3-5] Two steps
[6+] Three steps OR move to a friend who is behind you
(Betty can’t roll the 6+ range tho’.)
[1-2] No effect
[3-5] Glean a truth
[6+] Ask a question AND glean a truth in addition to getting an answer to your question

Fort: 1d6 ⇒ 5
Reflex: 1d4 ⇒ 3
Will: 1d8 ⇒ 6

Betty starts shaking those hips to the rhythm of the drums. Her tummy shakes along, left and right, left and right, as she puts a step forward, and a second one, closer to the giant's back. Her hands make wave motions, left to right and back, to the beat, as her head and all her chins bob along. She's starting to feel more and more sure of herself as she dances along, actually feeling like doing something instead of just sitting on her butt. That swinging, swaying butt...

As she's dancing forward, she wonders: "What's the giant's back tattoo about; why is that specifically what we should aim for?"

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