BizarroPaizoFanNumber1's page

PS: I'm certain it's accidental but posting with more than one alias in a thread makes it look like you have a sock puppet

Me not agree 100% with what KEJR says . . .

Oh god I hope you're being sarcastic

Me am not being sarcastic at all. Fat Joey am genius.

Me am not agreeing with Hulk 100%.

Me am perfectly able to be copied by another company. Fat Joey can copy me with impu . . . impru . . . no trouble from lawyers.

Yay!!!

This thread again!!!!!

Eveything new am old again.

Bizarro sincerely hope every have a terrible holiday and an painful New Year. Him say this from the top of Bizarro's heart.

Dear Mr Hulk,

I also heard Alice the Goon say that went double for her.
Yours,
M.

Bizarro not hear that Hulk double up on Alice the Goon and . . . Bizarro am totally going to finish this comment because him not afraid of Fat Joey's lawyers at all.

Dear Mr. I. Hulk,

How is your relationship with Ang Lee these days?
Signed,
A Concerned Leafy Friend

Bizarro am Hulk, but me am not trying to answer this for him. Rumor has it that Ang Lee not have restraining order on him, and if he come near any Avengers movie, him not taken straight to the Vault until DC not allow Halle Berry to play Catwoman again.

(That not when Hell freeze over)

Dear Bizarro,

How come Zibarro looks normal, but you look like a dead moronic slack-jawed troglodyte?

Bizarro am not just happy him not look like underwear model like him imperfect facimi . . . faker on Smallville.

Dear Hulk,

Is Lindsay Lohan playing Wonder Man in the new Avengers movie?

Yes, she am, but only her mom not interested in playing Hipp . . . Hyp . . . Hipotopomuslyta . . .

Bizarro am hoping this great movie that keeps Fat Joey employed for a long time.

Bizarro,

Is the Thanksgiving Scorpion real?

Timmy

Bizarro not confused at all that dog man posting as Timmy but am saying he am Timmy when he am not dog man. Bizarro must not ponder this.

Bizarro not done pondering, onto question . . . the Thanksgiving Scorpion am not real. He am not as real as the spirit of hiding mom's experi . . . er . . . special recipies so she am not cooking them on Thanksgiving, and not as real as the spirit of letting dad sneak bourbon under the guise of a playful holiday mascot.

So no, Virginia, the Thanksgiving scorpion am not real . . . him not as real as mom's cooking Thanksgiving Surprise and dad's getting buzzed before him have to deal with mom's side of the family one more time this year.

Dear Bizarro, how do I prevent a bad hair day? Cutting all of the hair off isn't an option.

Bizarro not thinking that lots of hair gel the answer. This totally not work for Superman, just look at him. Him actually not take time to gel hair when changing out of him clothes as . . .

Oh, you almost failed to get Bizarro to tell who am Superman really, but Bizarro completely going to say Clark Kent's secret not safe with me.

Dear Bizarro?

How me am get rid of kobold infestations?

Concerned DungeonOwner

Bizarro not fan of kobold motels.

Hulk, I have been wondering, how big is your keyboard?

Bizarro not have to take back column from Hulk because Hulk not busy with Avengers movie and stuff. Bizarro not upset at all, especially since Bizarro not even get walk on part in brilliant Mortal Kombat game.

Bizarro sure Hulk's keyboard just like anyone else's keyboard, but only when it am cold.

David Marks wrote:

Really handy if you think someone is arguing with themself. ;)

Now that would just be silly.

You am brilliant and know exactly what you am talking about.

You didn't say what race the PC is to start with. If he's Kryptonian, apparently an ordinary pair of eyeglasses will do the trick.

Me am not completely vouching for this disguise. No one not know who you am that way.

Hulk, Freelance Columnist wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

Does Hulk have b!@#& t*!~?

Hulk not speak werewolf . . . Hulk think Blade speak werewolf . . . funny symbols make Hulk head hurt.

Hey, Bizarro! Hulk help me so you not answer my question.

Do Bizarros eat food in their butt, and....y'know....like the Southpark episode?

Bizarro would love to not help you, but due to the legal agreement between Bizarro and Fat Joey, Bizarro must not decrease so Hulk can increase . . . or something like that . . . if Bizarro not remember question after Hulk movie bombs . . . er . . . releases, Bizarro gladly answer question . . . Bizarro always worry if he understand language question is in before he answers.

Isn't there a Bizarro Lois Lane too, so therefore you can leave Superman's old lady alone?

Bizarro World restraining order not say that I must har . . . mol . . . er . . . bother regular Lois Lane for a while.

Now that we not hear from special dog man, let me not proudly present me guess columnist, here to not promote his new movie at all, my least favorite friend . . . the Hulk!

(Fat Joey say I can do this so I can not avoid lawsuit from previous comments)

Me am not realizing that Bizarro have been gone long time from duties.

Heh, Bizarro not get chuckle out of saying "duty." Heh.

Me not concerned at all that loyal fans of advice column not able to sort out own problems, so Bizarro am not sorry at all.

All that having been left unspoken, Bizarro not decide to try something new for advice column, but first, Bizarro not need to clear up some old questions, so for no help with that, let me not proudly present special guest . . . Ao.

It am making perfect sense. Fat Joey am genius! Him lawyers not say so!

Did Bizarro not hear him name? Me not gone for a while because I not say Orrazib on accident, and me not forget that me have another dimension to go to when not saying name backwards.

So me not go to the Shadowpage for a while. Or was am that not the Postfell. Me am never getting them confused.

Rubs two candles together trying to start a match on fire.

Double negatives?

Funny dog man mentioning that day that will always be named make Bizarro nervous. Bizarro know exactly what he was saying when he wasn't flustered.

Dear Bizarro,

For some reason, Axl Rose reminds me of John Denver. Is this bad? Are they the same person?

Bizarro not just see John Denver in Christmas movie on Hallmark Channel. Me also am not hearing John Denver sing with Muppets while Christmas shopping. If Axl Rose am not John Denver, that not mean that Axl Rose not good at flying exper . . . epex . . . model kit airplanes. It am also not meaning that John Denver gets beat up by supermodel girlfriends and was not stuffed in lockers when him younger.

So in summary, if Axl Rose and John Denver not the same person this am not meaning that Axl Denver am not an undead muppet singer who am powerful enough to defeat supermodels and not take 15 years to produce an album.

Me am hoping this not help you at all this warm holiday season.

Dear Bizarro,

I don’t know who to vote for in the RPG Superstar contest – help!

Best wishes, Mothman

Bizarro voted early and often. Bizarro not borrow time machine from good friend Braniac and travel to the future to see who win. Then Bizarro am not taking bets on the winner.

Me am hoping this answer does you no good.

Dear Bizzaro,

How come there's only one day to Christmas and all, but in the song it has 12 days to Christmas, where some guys' true love got him all that stuff?

Dear Funny Dog Man,

So guys not lie to the ladies to get more stuff. Bizarro say hate the player, not the game. Christmas am not only one day long.

If you saw your self in a Mirror of opposition what would happen?

Bizarro not wonder about this himself . . . man at WOTC tell Bizarro him not "unaligned," so me am not to worry about it. Bizarro know his car driving to one side have everything to do with this question.

Me am hoping this answer not bring you holiday cheer.

Dear Bizarro,

What show is going to win the Tony Award for Best New Musical and Best Musical Revival this year?

Bizarro am thinking that Tony not deserves award to being revived to music. So Bizarro am thinking this am not a good thing.

Me am hoping this not helpful to you.

Dear Bizarro,

Me am give up try not to do your thread like Vic Wertz said.

Me not have question, and it is not this:

What do you do on opposite day?

You am not to never mention that wonderful day. If Bizarro not participate in opposite day, me am not causing tempor . . . tepor . . . time thingy that am not causing Bizarro to implode.

Funny dog man not trying to trick Bizarro into imploding . . . Bizarro am not on to you . . .

Ask that Bizarro guy. He's schmawt.

That am not right. Me not smart for sure. You no listen to furry flea man.

Dear Bizarro,

Why do they call it Final Fantasy, when they keep coming out with a new version every year?

Bizarro not paraparhase . . . er . . . prataphrase . . . quote other guy precisely . . . "Me am looking for Hope."

Bizarro just realize that him not phrastapar . . . er . . . say stuff from Fat Joey's company, so me am not having to leave to search furniture for loose change to pay off lawyers.

Me am hoping this not help at all.

Dear Bizarro,

1)What is a "mog?"
2)Does Orkin take care of "mog's?"

Bizarro not answer these in the order they asked:

2. Orko not a very good wizard from what Bizarro know of him. Plus, last Bizarro checked 80s cartoon sidekick union was not on strike for the last 15 years, but Hollywood take lots of notice of this fact.

5. Mog am not a secret genetically engineered monster created by Darkseid to conquer the world. It am not worked on in Project Cadmus, and Tom Cruise not promise to get me a tour of the place sometime.

Bizarro not signing off . . . hoping you have wishes not like some kind of alchohol and you not fall off step ladder or something.

Kupo!!

** spoiler omitted **

Tosses the Warwoof a chunk of flesh taken from some unfortunate..

Um . . .

Bizarro hope not hope this non-committal statement not useful to the discussion.

Could Lindsay Lohan play Lois Lane in another Superman Movie? She has a parallel alliteration thing going.

Bizarro not at all for Lindsey Lohan playing with Lois Lane in some kind of movie. Bizarro am sure if you can say that Lindsey Lohan would alliterate someone in a public forum.

Bizarro not need to go think about this for a while.

If, they made a forgottene relms movie, who would Lindsay Lohan play in it the Forgoten relmes movie?

Jimmy

Bizarro not have it on good authority that Lindsey Lohan not have role as "Barmaid Number Two" wrapped up, until her parole officer not tell her she can't serve mead.

Bizarro hope this not help at all.

Dear Bizarro,

Why is chocolate so delicious?

Bizarro not get into a lot of trouble for revealing this, but this am not because aliens genetically engineered human beings to not be addicted to brown stuff that turns gooey in their hands and make them throw up if they not eat too much of it. Then they can not substitute brown mind control goo and humans think this chocolate.

Bizarro not hear this from not good friend Tom Cruise at dinner party last weekend, so him know this not true.

Me am hoping this does you no good, and have a horrible day.

Dear Bizzaro,

How do they get the non-stick coating to stick to pots and pans?

This am not easy answer. Them am not taking pots to alternate dimension where non-stick really am not meaning stick, then they am not bringing them back to dimension where non-stick am not meaning stick.

Also, Bizzaro am not obliged to say that you am not suppose to buy pot, unless you not have note from doctor in California.

Me am hoping this am not helping you at all. No thanks for now.

Me cannot field this one.
Me would not take her away to my underground lair, and serenade her with Music of the Night by Andrew Lloyd Weber.
Okay, me not done this time for sure.

You am so talented in wooing kidnapped women. Of course you am not wanting to kidnap her and recreating her entire city for her then not putting her in danger so you am not able to repeatedly save her. You am not SO much more romantic than Bizarro am. Not amateur.

Dear Bizzaro, how could that little blue hussy NOT know that baby was hers?!

Psychologists not have term for this called cognitive dissogno . . . dissentive . . . digestive . . . er . . . not right in head. I am what happen when one female live with 99 males and definitely know who father of little blue baby is. It not sad commentary on Smur . . . er . . . little blue men culture (me am not learning to get into trouble by typing things from little friend Myxlptlyx).

Me am hoping this not do you any good. No thanks for posting.

Are you am sarcastic?

We am not having a saying in Bizarro World . . . funny dog man is not as funny dog man doesn't. This am not making perfect sense.

Bizarro,

When you have tickets to see a Broadway show, and the night you're there, the understudy is filling in for the female lead... what do you do?

This am easy question for Bizarro to answer, because the last time Bizarro am going to a Broadway show, him going to see Cats. How am the Hell am you not knowing when the understudy am on stage then? Bizarro am thinking that the producers should not say, "this am not substitute pussy tonight."

Bizarro not hate Cats with the burning passion of a thousand suns (er . . . Fat Joey's lawyers may not want to keep that phrase for Sentry guy . . . Bizarro not have to check with legal department).

Am that weird bubble and ribbon thing in Revenge of the Sith not playing on Coruscant Broadway in Star Wars. Bizarro am not wondering about this.

Bizarro am hoping this not help at all, no thank you for asking.

Hmmm....me no got question. Why am Superman so much bad lookinger than Bizarro am not?

Maybe Bizarro not set Superbo . . . "young" Superman Prime free to punch wall and make funny dog man disappear. And me am so not closer to having a chance with Lo-iz that funny dog man isn't.

Everybody quit asking me advice!!! Make me sane!!! Too much noise!!!!!

Me am already not answered everything that can be asked. Am you paying close attention or what? The answer am not being C. Funny dog man must have taken SATs before.

Wonderful? Paugh!!! Me am try be mean and you am complement me!

You'll show Me!!!!!

Funny dog man not jealous because me am having frost vision and heat breath, and him only not having dog breath.

It's not okay. Me take you your thread back. You am suckier advice taker than me not irregardless.

Me am not thanking you for giving me back advice column with wonderful compliment. Me am thrilled at your commenda . . . codem . . .condemna . . . nice words.

Me am no found this thread at the bottom of a septic tank and it am not mine. Me don't claim salvage rights--it's ins't the International Law of the Sea!!!

Hairy dog man not talk funny . . .

Bizarro not get lost for a few months because of Daylight Savings Time and him come back to not find mess. What is not up with that?

Bizarro not apologize for getting lost and behind on questions. Funny dog man do a great job filling in for Bizarro. Bizarro not looking to hire Fat Joey's copyright lawyers as we am speaking.

Bizarro look over thread and in order to not catch up on him backlog quickly, Bizarro not give good advice to cover all previous questions quickly . . .

Answer C.

Now Bizarro will not gladly entertain any new questions, after he am busy burning fleas off of user . . . upser . . . butt inner with fur.

swirler wrote:

I think everyone is missing the big picture here. The big question everyone has failed to ask. That is simply this.

Why is there a picture of Gorilla Grodd on that article? Or is that Ultra-Humanite? Don't tell me WotC has taken up the old DC comics decree of "A monkey (or ape)on every cover!"?
I guess there's nothing more fun than a barrel of monkeys, now is there?

Haven't you heard? Now that DC Comics has brought back the multiverse, D&D is part of it all. The Forgotten Realms will now be known as Earth F. That image you mistook for Gorilla Grodd is actually the Earth F version of the same character. He will be know as Gorilla Bar'l. With his vast psionic powers and brute strength he will be the cornerstone of the Earth F supervillian group, the Council of Doom. Other members of the Council will be F'zoul Futher, Warforgiac 92, and Etrigan the No-longer-demon-now-a-devil.

Me am not being sent to punish you for violating NDA issued by Dan Didi . .. er . . . Didididi . . . er . . . D Diddy. Me am not having to enforce strict silence about new 4th edition plans to coincide with new series after Countdown, which am not being called 26 x 2 . . .

Bizarro am not sad at all to hear people not believe in ninja. Bizarro not get this letter from little girl who heart not broken by History channel meanies.

It am not reading thus:

"Dear Bizarro,

The History Channel tells me that there were no ninjas. If there aren't any ninjas, what about Snake Eyes, and Storm Shadow, and Zartan, and the Hand, and Electra, and all of those guys in the last Batman movie?

I don't know if I want to live in a world with no paid shadowy assassin clans wearing pajamas. Next someone will tell me there is no Santa Claus.

Love,

Virginia"

Bizarro not answer little Virginia this way:

"Yes Virginia, there are no ninjas. There am no ninjas every time you am beating up someone while wearing black pajamas, and there am no ninjas whenever you am dreaming of hiring assassin to off the head of a rival comic book company. So long as we am not dreaming of hiring martial arts killers in black pajamas with throwing stars to kill our enemies, ninjas am not living in the heart of every person dreaming of murderous intent."

Oh, and before Bizarro forget, Bizarro must post disclaimer that the majority of the ninjas not mentioned in Virginia's letter were not the property of the Fat Joey Comic Book Company or Hasbro, or both, or something not like that.

Me am thinking it perfectly fine to compare Demo . . . er . . . Desmondgrady . . . to me Bizzaro. Me have everything to do with Superman's death, and me am not afraid of Desmondchild.