|Bird of Ill-Omen|
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Krojun: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. 'Ello, Miss?
PC: What do you mean "miss"?
Krojun: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
PC: We're closin' for lunch.
Krojun: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Cindermaw what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
PC: Oh yes, the, uh, the variant worm...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Krojun: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
PC: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Krojun: Look, matey, I know a dead worm when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
PC: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable critter, the variant purple worm, idn'it, ay? Beautiful hide!
Krojun: The hide don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
PC: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Krojun: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! Ello, Mister Cindermaw! I've got a lovely fresh horse for you if you show...
(PC pokes the corpse with a stick)
PC: There, he moved!
Krojun: No, he didn't, that was you poking the corpse!
PC: I never!!
Krojun: Yes, you did!
PC: I never, never did anything...
Krojun: 'ELLO CINDERMAW!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! Now that's what I call a dead worm.
PC: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
PC: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Giant worms stun easily, major.
Krojun: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That worm is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged rampage.
PC: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the darklands.
Krojun: PININ' for the DARKLANDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
PC: Cindermaw prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable worm, id'nit, squire? Lovely hide!
Krojun: Look, I took the liberty of examining that worm when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
PC: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that worm down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, melted 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Krojun: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this worm wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
PC: No no! 'E's pining!
Krojun: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This worm is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-WORM!!
PC: Well, I'd better replace it, then. Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of giant worms.
Krojun: I see. I see, I get the picture.
PC: I got an imp.
Krojun: Pray, does it swallow people whole?
PC: Nnnnot really.
Krojun: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
PC: N-no, I guess not
PC: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to still let us continue the adventure because capsizing the whole campaign over this would be a major pain in the rear??
Krojun: Yeah, all right, sure.