"Squealy Nord is bestest pet ever! That's why Squealy Poog's companion. We have all truffle cakes we need, lets go back and show subjects why we bestest chiefs ever." And Poog greatest of them all!!!
Chuffy doesn't seem to be in the mood for truffle cakes just yet. Perhaps because he hasn't smelled them yet. He kicks at stones on the way back to the cave. Is the life of the chief meant to be this boring? Chuffy had heard of another goblin tribe that got to lead a raid on Sandpoint. Now that sounded like fun! Chuffy heaves a massive sigh, causing his acne to ooze slightly, and continues to trudge along back to the caves.
"Poogie? If we still bored tomorrow, can we kill tribe?" Chuffy isn't even close to joking, "Oh, and Moggie, please coat Chuffy's weapon again. Chuffy thinks it came off on the vine." 'Please'? 'Please'?!!?! Something is seriously wrong with Chuffy. Chuffy is so boooooooooored he's using manners.
Poog can sense that something is not quite right.
Chuffy bored. When Chuffy bored, Chuffy kill. That not bad, except Chuffy might try to kill Poog. Can't let that happen...
"Great Chief Poog declare tomorrow be Goblin Gladiator day! Poog say we pick goblins from tribe, make them do licktoad games to see who lucky enough to fight chuffy in gladiator ring. Then we send scout party to find longshanks village to raid. Poog gonna let everyone know he the greatest chief ever. When we burn down longshanks village, we be greatest chiefs of all time!"
"So booooooooooooooored," Chuffy continues to complain, tempting fate.
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After gathering truffles, the chiefs head back home to finish the feast that their goblin minions have set for them—even if they had to go get the truffles themselves.
Shouts and screams pierce the air surrounding the Birdcruncher cave. The smell of the feast is... different. Mixed into the scent is a greasy smell peppered with burning wood, straw, and sulfur. The smell might even be goblin—cooking goblin. All of the preparations are in shambles. The tables are overturned, the cook pots have been knocked over, and the goblin dog pens are on fire.
A huge construct of steel, wood, pumpkin, and fireworks is patrolling around, apparently looking for more goblins to kill. On the top of its pumpkin head is a goblin's skull. A ghostly sound can be heard coming from what only could be described as an out of control goblin chief effigy. "More goblins! I need more goblins! In the pot! Stew them good!"
Mogmurch, Poog, Chuffy are up.
- => Mogmurch [22]
- => Poog [19]
- => Chuffy [19]
- Effigy [17]
- Reta [14]
- Squealy [8]
Conditions/status:
Poog:
Chuffy:
Reta:
Mogmurch:
Squealy:
Effigy:
"Tribe start party without chiefs? Now Reta angry! Reta teach them!" Reta draws her bow, and plans to shoot the first goblin she sees (except the chiefs, perhaps).
"But smells good!"
Poogs voice is a mixture of fear, admiration, and excitement. The chaos in the camp is the most action the goblin camp has seen in a long time.
"This almost as good as giggle pokes climax! Giggle-booms climax!" Poog raises his eye brows a few times towards Mogmurch.
He reaches in his pouch for his most prized possession, glad it is still there from the time he was unconcious. Pulling out his elixir of fire breath he chugs it in one big gulp, and grins evilly at the gigantig contraption.
"Come a little closer Vorka toy, Poog show you good time." the goblin taunts.
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At the first sign of trouble, Chuffy drinks the potion of fruitilisciousness. "Ha ha! Chuffy is a GOD!!! Chuffy most powerful gobbo in cave! Ever! Mwa ha ha!""
Chuffy picks up a bar and tries to bend it with his bare hands, "Chuffy bet he really strong now..."
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With a resigned slump of his shoulders Mogmurch looks up at the shambling scarecrow.
Being chief sucks. Everything want to kill us all the time. Thought that being chief just sit around and get fat, not have to kill all the time.
His monentary reflection and new found passiveness does nothing to satiate his inner most desire - to watch things burn.
Hmmmm. Wood make good fire but small. Pumpkin make cool
Fire. Maybe more oranger in color. But fireworks. Fire works make
Here goes. Watch him fly up in air!!
Mogmurch take a few fleeting steps before letting fly with one of his bombs.
exclude gobos and pigs
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Mogmurch does what he does best, letting fly with one of his bombs. However, from where he throws, (about 75 feet away), he is not nearly as accurate, and misses his target (-6 range penalty).
Unfortunately, nothing is in the explosion that is created.
The Vorka/Effigy charges forward, attacking Poog. "Yummy, yummy, yummy, I'll get goblin in my tummy! I'll cut you all stem to stern, pluck out your spleens, and make kabobs out of them!"
Then, in quite dramatic fashion, a cache of fireworks goes off in the construct, showering Poog in fire and booms!
Squealy moves up to attack the thing that dared attack his master in a display of porcine perniciousness! Unfortunately, it does not enter his little brain that this might be dangerous due to the reach of the construct. As such, Squealy takes an attack of opportunity first.
This drops the pig, and the smell of pork roasting is now in the air.
Up: Reta, followed by Poog, Chuffy, and Mogmurch.
- => Mogmurch [22]
- => Poog [19]
- => Chuffy [19]
- x Effigy [17] (charged)
- => Reta [14]
- => Squealy [8]
Conditions/status:
Poog: 18/27
Chuffy:
Reta:
Mogmurch:
Squealy: -1/14 Bleeding, On Fire
Effigy:
"Squealy NOOOOOO!"
Poog's face changes from the wonder of the excitement to pure, unadulterated evil, bent on destruction.
"Vorka-doll gonna diiiiiie." he rasps in a growly voice.
In homage to his glorious god of fire, Poog roars his anger out loud, and a line of magma and fire belches out from his mouth, enveloping the construct.
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If that actually hurts the thing, Chuffy will yell, "Moggie! Pass Poogie back his wand of firepigs if you don't know how to use it!!!! Oh, sorry, Chuffy not mean to say 'firepigs'. Poor, delicious, Squealy. Chuffy going to get away from all this crackling fire. Oh, sorry, Chuffy not mean to say 'crackling'. Poor, tasty, Squealy. Okay, enough funny business, getting out of here. Hope you can save Chuffy's bacon. Oh, sorry, Chuffy not mean to say 'bacon'..."
The insufferable goblin makes to run away. However, despite his furiously pumping legs, he makes absolutely no progress. He looks down to notice that he is floating a few inches above the ground. Chuffy quickly wills himself back to the ground while his legs are still flapping, and shoots off like a stuck pig into the underbrush. Once there, he finds a quick hiding spot and then floats up so that he's got a nice little assasin's perch above the treeline. On the way, he draws his crossbow and starts fingering his flaming crossbow bolts .
"Mmm, Everything better with crispy bacon. Even fight. But first kill Vorka, only then eat bacon! Die quickly, Reta hungry!"
Reta puts her hand into her quiver, and moves her fingers from one arrow to another. [b]"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe... That too big, that kills dogs best. This! This burn good!" She grabs and nocks a flaming arrow and shoots it at the creature that perhaps is Vorka.
And then she does it again! Bestest day ever! Lots of shooting!
All the shooting makes Reta hungry, so she sneaks closer to the crispy, delicious remains of Squealy Nord. "Reta just have small bite. Other chiefs not notice..."
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Reta opens fire with a pare of flaming arrows. Unfortunately, it appears that both arrows bounce off of the effigy without doing it any harm.
Reta remembers she picked up something from the Longshanks camp... four arrows with dull grey metal arrowheads. Maybe they would work against the thing?
The fire from Poog's fire breath engulfs the thing, but for some reason doesn't seem to be nearly as effective as he thought it would be.
Mogmurch and Chuffy - confirm actions or retcon.
- => Mogmurch [22]
- x Poog [19]
- => Chuffy [19]
- x Effigy [17] (charged)
- x Reta [14]
Conditions/status:
Poog: 18/27
Chuffy:
Reta:
Mogmurch:
Squealy: -1/14 Bleeding, On Fire
Effigy: -7
... shoots off like a stuck pig to the other side of the Vorka effigy, drawing his blade as he goes and ducking her attacks.
"Die again! Vorka the Porker! Oh, sorry, me not mean to say 'porker'. Poor, scrumptious Squealy..." Chuffy continues annoyingly.
Chuffy dutifully drops to the ground and rolls twenty times. He stands back up with a very confused look on his face.
"Who told Chuffy to do that?" asks the goblin, looking up at the sky.
And why did I obey?
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The effigy yells out "Noo! You will not kill me again! I shall have my FEAST!!! I shall make a puss-pie out of you!'
As the creture pounds on the two goblins, they are lit on fire by the heat of the two things. You hear popping of zits and boils as Chuffy's body burns.
Then the sparklers and whirlers send out a flurry of fire, striking Squealy Nord.
Squealy burns, sending of tantalizing smells of roast pork. The pig has breathed his last breath, as the fire finally does him in.
Up: Goblins
- => Mogmurch [22]
- x Poog [19]
- => Chuffy [19]
- x Effigy [17] (charged)
- x Reta [14]
Conditions/status:
Poog: 18/27
Chuffy: 19/33 (burning)
Reta: 18/38 (burning)
Mogmurch:
Squealy: -14/14 Bleeding, On Fire
Effigy: -14
Poog chokes back the tears for his beloved companion who has stuck with him through so many adventures, and never made fun of him for not being good at riding. Flashes of Goblin and Pig running through fields of truffles flit about Poog's mind. The memories fuel his hate and rage. He rushes forward, summoning his divine magic to use in the most twisted way a goblin can. Healing spells that actually harm...
for [dice=CLW "Damage"]2d8+4[/dice]
Chuffy squeals as the flames sear his body. "Oh, sorry Poogie. Chuffy not mean to say 'squeal'! Poor, aromatic Squealy."
Secretly angry at the death of the only 'chief' who never picked on him, Chuffy tries to stab Vorka-thing as viciously as he knows how.
Chuffy doesn't so much continue to burn as his pimples continue to boil against his face.
"Ow! Chuffy is basting in his own puss! Oh, sorry, Chuffy not mean to say 'basting'. Poor, well-cooked Squealy. Hey, you think he's done yet?"
Papasteve's other Pregen wrote: CLW "Damage" From the roll, I assume you meant CMW. Effigy will save DC15: 1d20 - 4 ⇒ (18) - 4 = 14 Please try to post save DCs with spells
-Posted with Wayfinder
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Watching the pig burn, knowing some of them might feel that thing called sadness Mogmuch looks at his last bomb, and the fact that he cannot kill Vorka again, Mogmurch finally, kind of, sort of, not really but in an obtuse way gets it.
"Poogie, know how you fell. One bomb left. Gonna make it count."
Reaching back as far as he can, he lets fly with all he has, actually stumbling forward a step or two.
Hungry all of a sudden. Why so hungry?
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Mogmurch is shocked when apparently something is able to resist his fire! He wonders if there is anything he can do, though he did see Poog try to heal the thing, which caused it to scream in pain!
Reta drops her really nice bow, and then draws on the longshanks bow. She fires one of the grey metal arrows at the effigy.
The thing isn't looking as good as it was, pieces are rapidly falling off, when it swings and attacks both Poog and Chuffy.
"In the pot, all you lot, make as soup, from your poop!" It appears Vorka's spirit isn't doing well, either.
Poog is hit with a the fiery sparks from the effigy.
Poog falls, burning and bleeding.
- x Mogmurch [22]
- x Poog [19]
- x Chuffy [19]
- x Effigy [17] (charged)
- x Reta [14]
Conditions/status:
Poog: -3/27 (burning)
Chuffy: 19/33 (burning)
Reta: 18/38 (burning)
Mogmurch:
Squealy: -14/14 Bleeding, On Fire
Effigy: -40
"Poog, no time sleeping. Must fight Vorka! Ugh, why longshanks make so big bows?"
Reta draws another longshank arrow into longshank bow, and keeps shooting Vorka as best he can.
"Moggie! Your flames do nothing," screams Chuffy, "Heal Poogie, he figured out how to damage this thing! Chuffy not know what he did, but it hurt Vorka-thing!"
With Poog down, Chuffy makes no more Squealy Nord puns. He just focuses and... Oh, sh*t! Vorka looking at Chuffy like Chuffy only oppon... en...t.... Realizing that he will no longer be able to sneakily slide his dagger into a weak spot when the monstrosity is distracted, Chuffy flees pell-mell for the trees . Upon reaching a suitably sized trunk, he tries to disappear from view.
Trusting to his sneakiness, Chuffy then very quietly rises up for a better view, drawing his crossbow as he goes.
The goblin is too stupid to put out the flames that have now set fire to his spider's wooden cage.
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The thing did not burn. Why not burn? Everything should burn. Make pretty orange, and red, and yellow tongues that lick you, heat, you, BURN you. Not right.
Drawing a small bladder from his bag, he moves over to Poog. Gently kicking him in the ribs, he looks down, "This thing not right. You talk to Zarongel."
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Mogmurch chucks the potion at the thing.
As the Cure Light Wounds potion hits the thing, it shatters, and you hear an unearthly scream as the spirit of Vorka is dispelled from the effigy.
With the goblin chief effigy destroyed, the goblins of the Birdcruncher tribe slowly slink from their hiding places, ready once again to cheer their beloved chieftains. They bowed and scraped at their fearless leaders before, but now— after witnessing the destruction of the fireworks-laden monstrosity—the goblins of the Birdcruncher tribe would follow the chiefs into Hell. It takes a bit of time, but with a little cleaning up and additional cooking, the feast goes on!
"Hey, Poogie... *chomp chomp chomp*," Chuffy begins, his mouth full of food, "You did real good against Vorka... *nom nom nom*... she regret day she ever came back to kill Birdcruncher chiefs.... *slurp slurp slurp*.... but she do great job of roasting pork.... *crunch crunch crunch*.... poor, juicy, tender Squealy Nord..." Chuffy uses his dogslicer to pick bits of Squealy out of his teeth.
Poog sits still in his throne, slightly hunched over. His anger has not dissapated with the destruction of the effigy, and occasionally a wandering goblin gets too close, only to run away with flaming clothes after Poog has belched fire on them.
His expression never changes, an look of pure evil and hatred affixed to his face.
He turns his head slightly to breath fire on another goblin who has gotten to close, and stops short when he realizes it is Chuffy.
Chuffy not scared of Poog. Better not burn him. Burn the next gobbo twice.
With slow, deliberate movements, Poog takes another slice of pork from his plate in front of him and stuffs it in his mouth. He spits food as he speaks to Chuffy and the other chiefs next to him.
"Poog need to kill something else. Lots of somethings. Me thinks we find longshanks village and go burn it down. Then we keep doing it till Poog feel better."
His evil scowl slowly turns into an evil grin as the plans formulate in his head.
Maybe Poog go get that owlbear egg from Pa Munchmeat's old place. That be ok replacement for Squealy Nord. Poog gonna miss squealy. Poog gonna kill longshanks. Probably longshanks fault anyhow. Maybe Poog go burn down Vorka's hut again to make him feel better.
A belch and a gout of flame and another grovling goblin subject runs screaming into the nearby pond to put out the flames, to the raucous laughter of everyone else at the baudy party.
"You, goblin girl. What your name. You wanna see enlarge Poog spell? I know you like giggle-pokes, you play wif everybody. Even Reta. Lets go. Poog need to let off steam."