Smuz's eyes move back and forth from Loptop to Old Foofelah as they argue. He has absolutely no idea what they're saying, but he keeps a proud grin on his face. He recognizes the word losing however, and his grin turns to a scowl.
"Smuz goblin," Smuz says to Loptop. "You losing!" He kicks mud at Loptop.
Glaring menacingly at Loptop, Reta points her club at him threateningly.
Loptop sneers and turns away, heading toward where Kettlehead is standing on the prone Rempty's head while twisting Culgick's ear.
"Loptop will be helping them because he is filthy stinking cheater," Old Foofelah states with certainty. "But you is not to be worrying, Reta, because Old Foofelah is to be helping you ... and blue goblin and other goblins," she adds as an afterthought. "Old Foofelah is knowing where is weapons and shield you can be using in dangerous swamp."
Reta claps at the news that Old Foofelah's going to help her. she finally decides, quite proud of herself.
"Does Ol' Foofelah know what Zarongel's favorit weapon? Poog wants to smash stuff with that." Poog grins happily at the thought, then adds darkly, "And lizardlovers."
"Smuz goblin," Smuz says, grinning widely, and looking from Poog to Reta to Chuffy to Old Foofelah, and back again.
"Yes you are Smuz," Poog puts his arm jovially around Smuz, while drawing his other hand across the sky in a grand gesture. "Is why Zarongel made you blue, so is all know you is Smuz."
"Weapons good." Chuffy agrees while keeping an eye on Kettlehead and his crew. "What about fire? You know where Chuffy get fire?"
"Does Ol' Foofelah know what Zarongel's favorit weapon? Poog wants to smash stuff with that."
"Of course Old Foofelah knows," the goblin sniffs. "Is dogslicer, like all goblin heroes carries. You is not finding one just lying around ... but Old Foofelah knows where to find darts. Then, if Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many is trying to eat you, you is throwing darts at Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many and maybe you is not getting eaten. You is getting eaten, you is not coming back with toads before Kettlehead." She frowns direly. "If Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many is eating Kettlehead, then he is not coming back with toads." She cheers up considerably at the prospect.
"What about fire? You know where Chuffy get fire?"
"Fire is in fire pit," she replies. "But you is not carrying fire in hands or in pockets! Goblins can be using special fire-stick that doesn't burn up fast, but you is having to be getting it from Fat Slorb." Her face squinches up like a dried apple to indicate her distaste for said Slorb.
"Darts is in Skrumpnettle's house. Skrumpnettle is stupid; she is not even knowing box of darts is there, but you will be having to trick her to take it away ... or just scare her. Skrumpnettle is weak and easy to scare ... but you is only no-longer-whelps and not very scaring to see." She looks at them doubtfully.
she takes a quick glance around the vicinity just to be sure,
she says, giggling. she nods confidently.
As Reta makes her way to Fat Slorb's hut, she walks up with a fantastic level of bravado. she stops in mid-sentence, studying the goblin a moment. she comments genuinely. Shrugging, she continues on. she scratches her head, she finally manages.
As Slorb seems to be in no hurry to retrieve them, Reta glances around a moment, unable to spot any torches lying around. Narrowing her eyes,
Deciding that Reta's loud voice must make her the voice of authority, Smuz follows her to Fat Slorb's hut. He stands there as she yells at Fat Slorb. When she's done, Smuz says succinctly, "Fat." Then he grins and looks about for reactions.
"Yeah. Fat. Help us."
Chuffy isn't made for this. Is there stuff laying about other than clubs and staves that Chuffy can find?
"Ollaaa! Fat Slorb! Zarongel greatest goblin heroes and Zarongel hero of fire! Poog wants fire, like Zarongel!"
Slorb slowly puffs up with indignation as Reta, Smuz, and Chuffy speak, unknowingly enhancing his corpulent tendencies. "You is very bad whelps, very bad!" he scolds. "You is showing no respect to very important elders! I is being very important advisor to Chief Gutwad and only goblin able to be hearing his voice and not exploding! You goblins is oughting to be ashamed of yours selfs! Why you not more like Kettlehead with shiny hat?"
"Ollaaa! Fat Slorb! Zarongel greatest goblin heroes and Zarongel hero of fire! Poog wants fire, like Zarongel!"
"Or like polite Zarongel-fearing goblin?" he goes on, patting Poog approvingly on the head. "You is never going wrong asking 'What would goblin hero gods be doing?' Killing dogs, killing other things, setting dogs and things on fire, scavenging shiny hats, respecting very important goblin elders: these is all being actions to immolate!"
Paternalistically, he hands Poog a thick wooden stick, one end of which is painted with some smelly substance. "There you goes, young whelp! Burn stuff with Zarongel's blessing."
Reta. You and Smuz talk to Skrumpnettle. Chuffy get box." With his lavish plan laid out. Chuffy gets into position to stealthily get the box of stuff.
Chuffy tries to sneak past the hopefully distracted Skrumpnettle to get the box of darts.
Slorb slowly puffs up with indignation as Reta, Smuz, and Chuffy speak, unknowingly enhancing his corpulent tendencies. "You is very bad whelps, very bad!" he scolds. "You is showing no respect to very important elders! I is being very important advisor to Chief Gutwad and only goblin able to be hearing his voice and not exploding! You goblins is oughting to be ashamed of yours selfs! Why you not more like Kettlehead with shiny hat?"
Reta glares at Slorb. she threatens, stomping off in a huff. Once out of earshot, she looks to Smuz and speaks in her 'quiet' voice, "Smuz Goblin, what 'Elder'?" she asks the blue goblin who is obviously a goblin.
Nodding at Chuffy's plan, Reta approaches the hut and calls out seeing how knocking is just too quiet for anyone to hear. Once she makes an appearance, is all she manages as she looks to Smuz again and reverts to her 'quiet' voice once more, "Smuz Goblin, what 'shield'?" she asks, shrugging. She then, amazingly enough, remembers Chuffy's plan of how they're suppose to be talking to Skrumpnettle. she explains exquisitely. she says as a matter of fact, nodding confidently.
She steps back and motions for Smuz to go ahead and speak.
Once out of earshot, she looks to Smuz and speaks in her 'quiet' voice, "Smuz Goblin, what 'Elder'?" she asks the blue goblin who is obviously a goblin.
Smuz blinks a couple of times, then stutters, "Uh...uh...elder fat?"
Nodding at Chuffy's plan, Reta approaches the hut and calls out seeing how knocking is just too quiet for anyone to hear. Once she makes an appearance, is all she manages as she looks to Smuz again and reverts to her 'quiet' voice once more, "Smuz Goblin, what 'shield'?" she asks, shrugging.
"Uh..." Smuz begins. "Shield...shi...eld. She...eld...She elder. She elder. Fat." He nods resolutely as Reta addresses Skrumpnettle.
She steps back and motions for Smuz to go ahead and speak.
Smuz steps forward, looks at Skrumpnettle, back at Reta, and then back at Skrumpnettle again. "Smuz goblin," he says. "Elder fat. Fat Slorb. Fat Slorb losing. She elder fat. Smuz goblin."
He steps back beside Reta.
Smuz blinks a couple of times, then stutters, "Uh...uh...elder fat?"
Reta looks up in thought a moment before nodding in agreement.
"Uh..." Smuz begins. "Shield...shi...eld. She...eld...She elder. She elder. Fat." He nods resolutely as Reta addresses Skrumpnettle.
Stopping in midstream to listen to Smuz's complete explanation, she nods again in complete agreement.
Smuz steps forward, looks at Skrumpnettle, back at Reta, and then back at Skrumpnettle again. "Smuz goblin," he says. "Elder fat. Fat Slorb. Fat Slorb losing. She elder fat. Smuz goblin."
He steps back beside Reta.
Nodding emphatically, she tells him before turning back to Skrumpnettle. she says as a matter of fact.
Skrumpnettle, a skinny goblin, looks back and forth between Reta and Smuz in bewilderment. "What ... what is you saying?" she asks breathily. "Slorb expect Skrumpnettle? Is he sending you to be summoning me?"
Poog swings around his fire stick with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Dogs burn! Horses burn! Traitors burn! Burn burn burn --" He halts in his track, a thought clearly clawing its way to the forefront of his mind. Finally his grin broadens: "Poog sing the burn song now! Burnburnburniburn burnburnburniburn burnburnbuuurn burrrrrn Reta! Smuz! Sing the burn song with Poog!"
Skrumpnettle, a skinny goblin, looks back and forth between Reta and Smuz in bewilderment. "What ... what is you saying?" she asks breathily. "Slorb expect Skrumpnettle? Is he sending you to be summoning me?"
"Sum...mon...ning..." Smuz tries out the unfamiliar word, having no clue what it means, but liking the sound of it. "Sum-mon-ing. Summoning. Summoning! Elder summoning! Fat Slorb summoning! She elder summoning. Smuz goblin."
Poog swings around his fire stick with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Dogs burn! Horses burn! Traitors burn! Burn burn burn --" He halts in his track, a thought clearly clawing its way to the forefront of his mind. Finally his grin broadens: "Poog sing the burn song now! Burnburnburniburn burnburnburniburn burnburnbuuurn burrrrrn Reta! Smuz! Sing the burn song with Poog!"
Smuz happily joins in with the simple lyrics.
Reta looks to Smuz as he explains. When he finishes, she stops, pondering that a moment. She looks to Smuz, back to Skrumpnettle, up in the air, down at the ground. And as she does she notices a bug trying to crawl out of her pocket. She shoves it back in there with the others. Once she feels secure it's not trying to leave again, she turns her attention back to the skinny goblin, forgetting what it was they were talking about.
After several moments, if finally comes back to her. she concludes.
As Poog jumps in with the "Burn" song, Reta simply glares at him for interrupting her before she finds herself being unable to resist and join in. Reta sings and sings, adding her own lyrics as she does, dancing all the while.
Skrumpnettle stares slack-jawed at the singing, dancing goblin whelps cavorting around her. "Slorb is sending you to ... to be burning me? What lies is goblins telling Chief Gutwad about poor Skrumpnettle? I is going to see Slorb, and you is going to be being sorry!"
She flounces off, and Chuffy slips into her hut to find a box built into the back wall. Pulling it out makes the abesnt goblin's house half-collapse, but inside, as Old Foofelah promised, are seven darts. The box's lid has a neat strap which allows its holder to wield it as a light wooden shield.
Once the items are acquired, she says, walking away with her head held victoriously high that perfectly fits her fantastic level of confidence.
Nothing from Chuffy.
Poog waves about his fire stick.
Smuz follows Reta. He continues to sing (well, it's more like croak, really), "Burnburnburniburniburn burniburniburn!"
The four young goblins make themselves scarce before Skrumpnettle returns to find her house half-collapsed with the base of its back wall missing. They scrounge some food, enjoying the freedom of not being enclosed in the whelping cage, and claim some spare space not far from the fire pit to sleep until their task begins in the morning.
"Wake up!" The morning begins not dissimilarly to previous ones for the young goblins, except this time it is not Loptop shouting at them and rattling the bars of the whelping cage but Old Foofelah shrieking and wakening them with a kick. "Be waking up, no longer whelps! You is not Licktoads yet, and you has many toads to bring back quicker!"
"Wake up!" Smuz repeats as he sits up. "Wake up, wake up, wake up." He rubs his ears and nose, both of which feel much better after a good night's sleep. He then stands up and gathers his meagre collection of belongings together.
"Wake up burniburn," he croaks. "Burniburn wake up burniburniburni wake up. Smuz goblin!" He looks to the others as if expecting some response.
Poog's bleary eyed with drunken sleep and murmurs something out of his dream, "-like you too, Zarongl"; before snapping to full wakefulness in an abrupt manner. "Toads!! We lick them!! GO GO GO AND BURN!"
Reta's eyes pop open and she instantly rises. She cracks her neck to one side and then the other.
Chuffy wakes up and stabs out. Its just his luck that there was nothing there to be stuck this time. He gets up anyway and gets his bearings. Quickly gathering his possessions, which now include 4 of the darts they got from Skrumpnettle. "Where food?"
"You is no longer whelps!" Old Foofelah scolds. "You is finding you's own food now, not having food carried to you in buckets."
Fortunately, most of the Licktoads are sleeping late after the no-longer-whelping festivities, and the young goblins have no trouble grabbing handsful of food out of pots along the way as Old Foofelah hectors them toward Loptop.
"Loptop! LOPTOP!" she shrieks, whacking the bole of a sullen-looking tree with her gnarled stick in emphasis. "Is being morning! Girl goblin and blue goblin is ready to find toads ... and also other goblins," she grumbles as an afterthought.
Loptop emerges grumpily from his lean-to near the whelping cage, yawning. "Is Old Foofelah ready to be drowning herself? That is being the question you is ought to be asking," he grumbles.
"Rules of challenge!" he barks. "No-longer-whelps is finding toads in Tadpole Bog. Then they is presenting toads to Ghosty Bones in Cave of Darkfear and singing goblin song. If no-longer-whelps is catching toads and not being pulled under and drownded to death in Tadpole Bog, and if no-longer-whelps is not being swallowed up by Ghosty Bones in Cave of Darkfear, and if no-longer-whelps is bringing back toads to Licktoad Village ... then no-longer-whelps is Licktoads." He nods emphatically.
"Wait," Old Foofelah says, looking around suspiciously. "Where is being Kettlehead? Should not Loptop be saying rules to Kettlehead at same time?"
"Kettlehead is having shiny hat," Loptop responds primly. "Kettlehead's hat is being so shiny, he is already leaving early."
"" Old Foofelah shrieks, leveling an accusing finger at Loptop. "You is cheating! You is filthy Lizardloving Shinyhat traitor, and you is cheating!"
Smuz points a finger at Loptop in imitation of Old Foofelah. "Cheating!" he cries. "Cheating!"
"You is free to stay and insult me," Loptop replies smugly, "but while no-longer-whelps is arguing, Kettlehead is catching many toads."
Reta fumes at the cheating Loptop. she reiterates, blowing a raspberry at him. Reta then turns to her goblin team, she yells as she points and leads the way, drawing her club out as she does to prepare to pound Kettlehead in the ground if she sees him.
Smuz kicks at Loptop, attempting to get his foot around the goblin's legs and trip him.
He almost trips himself in the process. He then takes off as fast as he can in the direction Reta is pointing, at first running ahead of the others. After a moment, he pauses, having realized he doesn't know where he's going. He waits for the others to catch up, then follows right behind Reta, who seems to know what she's doing.
"Go! Go!" he cries.
"Loptop not find favor with Zarongel," Poog confides. "And gobs with no favor from Zarongel get stepped on by biglegs."
Chuffy goes to Tadpole Bog.
The Licktoad tribe has recruited its titular pets from nearby Tadpole Bog forever; even Old Foofelah knows of no time before the Licktoads were licking toads. The mucky, stagnant waters are thick with algae and insect larvae, which not only provide handy snacks to toad-hunting whelps but also are the ideal breeding ground for a particularly nonplussed species of toad whose psychoactive secretions have helped the goblins pass boring afternoons for decades.
As the no-longer-whelps approach the shallow, stinky pond, the occasional lazy bubble escapes the layer of peat at the pond's bottom and breaks the surface with an extra-putrid whiff of decay. A haze of insects clouds the air in every direction. Only the occasional gurp-churp of toadsong breaks through the drone of bugs.
Reta places her club back in her pack and cracks her knuckles. She moves into the wonderfully cool and refreshing pond, grinning at the fun as she tries to sneak up on the unsuspecting toads.
She moves up near one and the water barely makes a ripple as she reaches to grab it...
...and just misses it. Slapping the water in anger she glares at the one that got away before she sees another one, causing her to instantly forget her past failure.
She tries once again. This time she attempts not only to be as silent as death, but become "The Hunter" that she knows she is.
As "The Hunter" couldn't track a stampede of elephants even if she witnessed it, she still manages to once again sneak up on one and attempts to catch it...
...albeit to no avail. With a look of absolute fury,