Castle Amber

Game Master waynemarkstubbs

Sister doubtfully accepts the key, "Where is the lock?"

Jean-Louis looks momentarily confused. "Eet is...alors...eet moost be...eet is strange - I 'ave completely forgotten. I remember zat eet was important - Stephan said so - but eet completely escapes me...I will 'ave to ask Stephan when 'ee retoorns."

Turning to Borden, he continues "Mon frere Stephan - 'ee is joost pining for ze fjords. 'Ee is a powerful mage - more powerful zan any oozer mage 'as ever been in our family. 'Ee 'as placed certain contingencies in place, should 'ee be killed. I am sure 'ee will return immediatement. Per'aps if you need more information, you shood go to 'is laboratory in zee cellar."

"Would madam like to accompany me to the, ahem, bathing docks?" asks a hobgoblin to Sister.

Sister shrugs, hands the key to Mordan, and follows the hobgoblin.

With a resigned sigh, Jean-Louis reaches under the side canvas of the ring, pulls out a mop and bucket,, and sets about the business of mopping up Magen.

"Eet will take me a liddle while to remake 'im, mes amis, but you be sure to coom back soon for a rematch, non?"

Lucia asks for directions to Stephan's laboratory but doesn't head off in that direction until Sister returns from her bath.

To pass the time, the warrior woman lifts the curtain and looks to see if there's anything interesting underneath the ring.

Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (1) + 6 = 7

You wouldn't happen to have an extra goblet for some wine?, Borden hazards, asking the fop.

Lucia peers underneath the canvas sides of the ring...

Three candelabra, a broken jug without a handle, six sausage rolls, some gardener's twine, a chess set with several pieces missing, a bottle labeled 'Eat Me', a stuffed displacer beast, a bust of a man with wild hair, another bust of a man with a wild hare, a set of dwarven battle bagpipes, a broken arbalest, a chapbook titled "Volo's Guide To Most Things Mundane"...

and goblet.

---------------------------------

After a while, Sister, dripping wet but looking noticably cleaner, is led back to the room by one of the staff.

"What is a scurvy lubber? There was a strange woman in the bath calling me one."

No to the wine eh?, as Sister comes back in the room.

How many baths are we talking about?

Lucia peers underneath the canvas sides of the ring...

After a while, Sister, dripping wet but looking noticably cleaner, is led back to the room by one of the staff.

"What is a scurvy lubber? There was a strange woman in the bath calling me one."

"I don't know. It sound's like how sailors talk. Was she some sort of sailor?"

Strangely enough, there is a goblet on the table next to the cordial that Borden didn't notice earlier. The cordial seems to have refilled itself too.

Sister shrugs at the various questions. "There were two bathtubs. She appeared to be sailing the other. Her and her rubber duck. Sailors know a lot of interesting new words."

"Maybe I ought to go in and see if she needs her back washed..."

"Maybe I ought to go in and see if she needs her back washed..."

Everyone else going?

The westernmost door on the north side of the Grand Hall leads to a short corridor, with three doors on the right. The first bears a wooden sign with 'Privy' written on it. The second has a similar sign marked 'Bathroom'. The third door has a glowing blue sign above, with "Blue Oyster Bar' written in magically glowing letters.

Corlan points his finger hesitantly at the third door, then waggles it in a 'no' motion.

"Haven't had any Norbecker this trip -- I'm maybe not sensitive enough."

He opens the second door instead.

Behind the second door is a small tiled room, containing two white enameled bathtubs. One is empty, but has traces of grey goo in it. The other is currently occupied. A dark-haired, middle-aged woman wearing a tricorn hat, with a yellow rubber duck sitting on her shoulder, lounges back, her modesty covered by foamy bubbles. Between (where you assume are) her knees, a wooden post rises out of the water, with a small piece of black canvas painted with a white skull and crossbones attached to it, for all the world like a miniature ship's sail.

"Avast there, ye scury lubbers!" calls the woman on sighting the group at the door. "Bear too, and show your colours, swabs! Ye'll not be taking Captain Marie-Therese D'Ambreville's ship without a fight! No sir, sure as biscuits is biscuits, which they are. So I'll keelhaul ye all just as fast as look at ye, and then feed ye to the sharks, if'n ye don't give me yer names right now, me laddies, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

"Mordan, Mordan Talus and my little sister."

Old naked women? I'm out - I'll keep watch outside, says Borden exiting the room.

Corlan doffs his hat and politely looks away.
Then he attempts a pirate accent: "Arrr, m'lady, 'tis Corland of Greyhawk I be, says they, an' it be a cold day in Davey Jones' locker were it other!"

Celeste looks at the woman intently. "I like your hat!" She says covetously.

Lucia has already had her fill of crazy middle-aged Amber noblewomen, so she decides to lean against the far wall and let Corlan have all the fun this time. Not wanting to be antisocial, however, she gives the woman in the bathtub one of her lesser smirks and says, "Ahoy."

Mordan whispers, "Does anyone know how she's keeping that mast up?"

Celeste looks shocked. "Never ask a lady that!"

Honestly Mordan. Can't take you anywhere.

"Avast, Cap'n Corlan o' the Grey Hawk, and yer shipmates, and a rougher, scurvier bunch o' cut-throat lubbers do I never see. I be Cap'n Marie-Therese o' the Foamy Bathtub, an' me an First Mate Rubberduck here sails the carpet sea, from here as far as the Garden itself, bringin' terror an' slaughter to ev'ry port from the Dinin' Room to the Smokin' Room. The Foamy Bathtub be the fastest ship that ever trundled through the kitchen - why, she makes the Kettle Run in twelve patches!"

She looks at Celeste.

"So ye be likin' me hat, eh, lassie? Well, ye's got to be a true pirate ter get this hat. Ye've got ter have a proper 'Arrrrrr' an' a good 'yohoho'. Ye've got ter prove yerself in battle - I be fightin a Hallway Kraken ter get this hat yer knows. Finally, yer has ter be always speakin' in the present tense. Ever since pirates begins they only speaks in the present tense. Then, lassie, then ye calls yerself a pirate."

She sits up a bit straighter, barely covering herself with the foam.

"So what'll it be, Cap'n Corlan? Will ye an' the Grey Hawk join me, an' we'll plunder the shippin' lanes o' the house an' bring fire, slaughter an' rum ter the scurvy members o' my family - filthy swabs! They all be mad except me. Cap'n Stephan'll hang 'em from the yardarm when he gets back o' bein' dead."

"Beggin' your pardon" Mordan stammers, blushing beet red.

Corlan thinks, in for a penny, in for a pound. Tossing his hat over his shoulder, he says, "Arrr, then. Prepare to be boarded!" (With zero ranks in Profession (sailor), I figure he's bound to garble the vernacular with unintendedly hilarious effect.)

If there's a servant nearby, Corlan asks that the goo be cleansed from the other tub, and it subsequently be filled with hot water and bubbles.
"Aye, aye -- one way or t'other, sailing with thee, be I."

Lucia averts her eyes as appropriate but does not leave the bathroom unless told to.

Corlan notices Lucia's hesitance and adds as an aside, "Please don't leave quite yet -- I've never sailed a ship, and I doubt my ability to handle a bathtub. I have no idea what form of lunacy this is leasing to, but at least one of us is likely to be needing a first mate."

Lucia raises an eyebrow, smirking in amusement.

"I'll keep a weather eye on the...proceedings?"

There was no horizon in the bathroom and not enough shower curtains, for that matter.

"I wonder how he's going to keep his mast up." Mordan mutters to himself

Celeste is still eyeing the hat. "ARRRRRRRRR!" She gives an experimental run.

Borden is happy to be outside the door and winces at the pirate talk happening within. He keeps a 'weather eye' out for any servants in hope of a drink...

A small army of hobgoblin servants in pinafores clean the bath, fetch hot water, soap and a thick green liquid described as "bath foam" - also allowing Borden to cadge another whisky if he is sufficiently insistent.

While this work is going on, Captain Marie-Therese fixes a firm eye on Celeste. "This hat here be me pride an' joy, lassie. I fights a great battle off the reefs o' the Pantry to win this hat. Arrrr, I can still see it now - attack ships on fire over the shoulder o' Old Ryan - he be one o' the kitchen porters, arrrr. Sea bream glitterin' in the dark near the tannery house gate. Arrrrr, I ain't tradin' this here hat for nothin'. Except maybe... well, it be no more than a myth... but if ye cans find it... hundreds search for it, and they all be with Davy Jones now lassie, but maybe... anyways... I'll gladly trade ye the hat if ye brings me...

the Golden Loofah! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Hahahahahhahahaha! Arrrrrrrr, now thee be a challenge fer ye, lassie"

Finally, the bath is filled and ready, and the servants retire, leaving a filled foamy bath, and a little black sail on a stick propped up against it.

"Ready ahoy, Captain Corlan? Take yer ship - we sails on the mornin' tide, fresh fer battle, booty, glory an' rum. When yer ready, way anchor, find the soap, and ye and yer companions give it a particularly fine 'arrrr'"

Celeste asks one of the Hobgoblin servants for the Golden Loofah.

It could work!

Evidencing only minor embarrassment, Corlan divests himself of everything but his hat and steps to the tub, handing his accoutrements to whichever of his companions is sufficiently unabashed to accept them.

"Please keep my longsword handy," he requests. "If the bathtub takes off skittering down the hall, you might need to toss it to me."

Settling into the tub, he hoists the flag, tips his hat to Marie-Therese and says, "Arrr, then, m'lady! If it's a voyage ye asks, then it's one ye'll get!" He obediently looks for the soap.

You all have to give your best pirate 'arrr' for the magic to work. Let's hear it!

Lucia takes Corlan's effects with no more than a slight raising of one eyebrow.

"What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet?" she asks the others with a grin. "Arrrrrr!!!"

"R?" sister asks.
"No, it's ARRRRRRR!"
"Oh. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Celeste smiles at Lucia's joke. "Why are pirates so good?" She responds. "They just ARRRRRRR!!"

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucia actually smiles--not smirks--at Celeste's joke. "To err is human; to Arr! is pirate!"

"We're like Indiana Jones here. Raiders of the Lost..."
Corlan twirls a finger. "All together now, please."

Celeste sings a little. "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, I'm a pirate, so call me matey."

In an unearthly unison...
"ARRRRRRRRRRR"
"ARRRRRRRRRRR"

Lucia stares blankly at Corlan, not getting whatever reference he's making. When Celeste sings, Lucia laughs and says, "That's terrible! But catchy!"

Winking at Mordan and Sister: "...k!"

The collective piratey powers of the 'Arrrrrrs' seems to have its effect. The sails of the bathtubs seem to billow in a phantom breeze, although the group can feel nothing.

"Arrr, the tide rises. Weigh anchor, Mr Rubberduck, splice the mainbrace, hoist the topsail, nurdle the gunwales, cancel the milk an' take us out." cries Marie-Therese with relish.

Slowly, impossibly the bathtubs begin to glide across the floor towards the bathroom door, and out into the small hallway beyond, where a startled Borden is just finishing his whisky.

"Arr, this be the life, Cap'n Corlan! The open hallway, the pitch an' role o' the carpet beneath yer vessel, an' an endless vista o' plunder as far as the eye can see. We be takin' oatmeal from the kitchen, cigars from the drawin' room, them little cheesy crackers wi' the crinkly edges by the stone. Ivory, an' apes an' peacocks, sandalwood, cedarwood, an' sweet white wine."

The bathtubs move out into the grand hallway, where a sighing hobgoblin is patiently gluing together a smashed vase.

"Arrr, we made it through the straits, an' now we can range the wide main o' the hallway! There bain't none to stop us except maybe...maybe..."

From somewhere under the bathwater, Marie-Therese whips out a spyglass, extends it, and peers down the hallway. At the far end, a large circular wooden tub, containing two jeering young men, and a couple of scantily-clad girls has appeared. It too seems to be moving somehow.

"Keelhaul me for a lubber" yells Marie-Therese, standing up in the bath and revealing much more than she probably should. "It be the Fratboy brothers, an' their vessel the Gropey Hottub! They were waitin' fer us! They have us outgunned, but what'dye say, Cap'n Corlin? They ain't takin' me alive - shall we give 'em battle an' carve our names in fire an' blood afore we goes to Davey Jones?"

"Aye, that we shall!"

Caught in the moment, Corlan also unadvisedly stands up to shout at the oncoming tubs, "Avast, ye scurvy whelps! Turn tail now, or to the lowest levels of the sub-basement with yon rotting turnip-bin!" Eying the girls, he adds to himself, "And thy wenches in our bevy to boot!"

Winking at Marie-Therese, he adds to the brothers, "Fairly warned be thee, says I!"

Lucia sticks her head through the doorway, shaking it in a resigned sort of semi-disbelief, as she watches the race and then, impossibly (No, just improbably she reminds herself like a good pirate), the sudden confrontation with an even larger tub with an even larger crew.

"Why would anyone grow peas?" she asks Celeste while sticking out her tongue in a display of disgust. "And why would you ever name your ship--er, tub--something so silly?"

Borden gives an encouraging Yarrrr Matey's, as he watches the tubs move down the corridor!