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I thought I'd give back to the community by attempting to provide feedback to every item on the "Critique My Item" thread.
I'm not a professional designer by any stretch of the imagination, and this year was my first Superstar entry. I actually feel pretty good that my mantle of butterflies made it to the top 100 voter list. I am a tabletop gamer with 30+ years experience on both sides of the GM screen. My GM style emphasizes style and roleplaying over system mastery, so I'm not crunching numbers or auditing prices.
I'm going to start on Page 4 of the Item Critique thread, go to the end, and then circle back to the beginning. The folks at the back of the line tend to get far less feedback than those at the front.
So, without further ado...
Upon reflection:This item's function seems disjointed. Is its purpose to create a document that will explode and kill only some people at a peace conference? It seems more like a plot device than a magic item.
Overall: Creative, but limited application. Writing needs to be much tighter. C+
Upon reflection: A wave of water should do either bludgeoning damage or nonlethal damage, not force damage. It also has lots of other effects that would be annoying for the GM to adjucate. That wave is REALLY BIG. It's also expensive for a single-use item. If you toned its powers down and tightened up the effects, it might have been better.
Overall: I saw this item in voting a few times, and usually voted it down. C-
Upon reflection: What the heck is a "coeurl"? Nothing on Dictionary.com. Pathfinderwiki says it's a magical beast from "Legacy of Fire." Obscure reference is a mark against. "Domino" threw me as well-- my first thought was the game piece, not the mask. I'm just not getting the overall theme of this item-- is it some kind of sonic effect that affects objects at range? It's a bit of a Swiss Army Knife without an underlying theme that I can readily see.
Overall: Frankly, I just don't get it. D
Upon reflection: It gives you a variable DR, and also is essentially a chain lightning spell in a can. It's very powerful, even given its high price.
Overall: I don't recall seeing this one in voting. I like the imagery very much, but the mechanics aren't interesting enough to back up the visuals. B-
Upon reflection: It's not clear if the stun effect also affects adjacent allies. I'd also drop the synergy with a stunstone: I think that adds an unnecessary level of complexity. Double-check game terms. There is no "mild" level of aura. (I think you meant "faint".)
Overall: Great first entry from a relatively new player! I do remember seeing it in voting, and I'm pretty sure I voted it "up." B-
Upon reflection: It's basically a create food and water spell-in-a-can with slightly more interesting special effects and a lot of irrelevant backstory.
Overall: Seemed like an unfunny joke item to me. I saw this item several times in voting, and usually voted it "down." D
Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress
Upon reflection: I see how you attempted to make the item more-or-less immobile, but I can see a whole lot of potential abuse with this. Does the wearer need armor proficiency to use it?
Overall: I saw this item a few times in voting, and I think I voted it "up" and "down" equally. Very creative, but needed significantly more "crunch" to make it a viable item. I'd say an "A" for creativity, but a "C-" for execution, for an overall B-.
Upon reflection: Compelling enemies to fight each other is an old trope, but you executed this extremely well. I was impressed with the succinct language and very clear mechanics. It's kind of a spell-in-a-can, but it still seems fresh.
Overall: Excellent job! I saw this one come up a few times in voting, and I really liked it. A-
Upon reflection: I see this as primarily a dimensional anchor spell-in-a-can, with a few additinal effects tacked on. The random teleport effect would be annoying to GM. I also think gaining the Teleport Tactician feat goes a bit too far.
Overall: Good core idea, with too many bells and whistles. I like the visual, but automatic defeat of a teleport seems a bit overpowered, especially for the price. C+
And it's almost midnight, and I have to work tomorrow. More to come!
Star Voter Season 7
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Clarion Cymbals
Thank you for the review, and I'm excited that you gave it a B-. I'm glad you liked the concept, even if language-wise I wasn't completely in line with rules terms. I wrote the item after I'd only been playing for 3 months, and never got a chance to polish it after GMing all summer.
Grats on making it to the top 100!
Upon reflection: Looking at the mechanics, I'm not clear on how you intended this to work. It adds the [cold] energy type to damage, but you don't say whether it's supposed to be cold damage. Does it change the type, or just add it? Is a fireball that detonates in the area doing cold damage? Cold and fire damage (half and half)? (If so... that's kind of counterintuitive.) Does this apply to weapon attacks too? I think you need to tighten up the mechanics significantly. Also, the freezing sphere effect seems superfluous, making it a bit of a Swiss Army knife... I would have dropped that power entirely.
Overall: Very creative idea with poor execution. I'd recommend boning up on the mechanics before your next try. C
Upon reflection: I'm pretty good with Golarion references, but I had to look up "Katheer" and "Venicaan" on the Pathfinderwiki to get the reference. The backstory is longer than it needed to be, and didn't add much in my mind. Mechanically, the item is pretty good, with one quibble about using its breath of life effect: If someone has been dead for a minute, does that mean the GM needs to keep track of lost hp by round, even after death? You might need to define another power for that.
Overall: Decent item, and I like the imagery it evokes. Aside from my quibble, it seems well-balanced. Winning Superstar with a healing item is tough, though: such items usually come off as too utilitarian without the "wow!" factor you need to be a Superstar. B-
Upon reflection: Turning magic against the caster is an old trope. (cf. ring of spell turning, the Incantatrix class for AD&D from Dragon #90, 1984.) In your item, I'm not clear on how you store the hex or hag's spell-like abiliy into the item. Do you have to ready an action, then make the melee touch attack against the caster? Can you use it against a ranged SLA? Can you activate as an immediate action? I do like the secondary effect to give a creature under the effect of a hex another save by "slapping him out of it." I would have made this the glove's sole power, and extended its effect to any mind-affecting effects... Especially at this price-point, because turning a spell back on its caster should be a much higher-level effect, and a much more expensive item.
Overall: Decent concept, execution needed more work. Also does too many things: it's better to pick one thing and make it really work than to tack on a bunch of secondary powers. C+
Upon reflection: This is really meta-gamey: it's forcing the square-based PFRPG tactical combat rules from an abstraction to an in-game reality. That very much breaks the "fourth wall" of tabletop RPGs in my mind. And, it's imposing rules from a game I don't know or understand (nor do I care to learn) onto a game I do want to play.
Overall: A very creative, bold move with this item, and I like that you took a big risk. Unfortunately, sometimes when you swing for the fences, you strike out. I really, really, did not like this item, and downvoted it every time I saw it. While I don't have anything against the mechanics of this item per se, I really can't get over the meta-game impositions. I would never allow this item in my game. I would strongly caution you against meta-game items when you compete in Superstar 2015. As much as I hate to say it, I have to give this one an F.
Upon reflection: Okay, another spell turning Swiss Army knife item of sorts, with multiple offensive and defensive capabilities. I would have picked one and fleshed it out more. Cloaks are usually defensive items, so I would have concentrated on the energy immunity aspect instead of multiple attack options.
Overall: Didn't like the description-- if it's a "dragon skin cloak," I would have expected it to be a cloak made out of dragon skin. The item lacks a clear vision in my opinion. I liked the defensive power, though. Overall, I'd give it a C+.
Upon reflection: A pair of vests that allow the two wearers to share saving throws, and to aid another with Diplomacy checks. Okay, kind of cool, but not a particularly compelling idea. I didn't like the description, and the "cut from the same cloth" pun fell flat on my ears.
Overall: A perfectly servicable item (pair of items?) with somewhat limited applicability. Doesn't have a real spark with me, though. C+
Upon reflection: Whetstones are a rarely-seen magic item, and I like that sharpening a weapon on it grants it a short-term magical property. I also like the imp-summoning, despite the Swiss Army Knife aspect of two unrelated powers. I would have changed the flavor text to say that the imp was somehow bound within the stone itself (kind of like a genie in a bottle), and that sharpening the weapon against the stone pulled some of the imp's devilishness into the weapon. When the imp is finally free, the stone should lose its other properties. I probably would drop the shape change effect: it seems superfluous.
Overall: I kinda dug this one. B+
Upon reflection: It basically is just a low-power bag of holding with a lot of limitations, but can be hidden and retrieved elsewhere. I can see this being useful in extremely limited situations. Bummer if you're at sea, or if your next adventure is to the desert, tundra, or deep underground. It seems very much overpriced for what it does.
Overall: I like the creativity you showed with this item. Unfortunately, it feels more like a plot device than a useful wondrous item. C+
Upon reflection: Gunslingers are controversial, and not every GM is going to allow them. I don't allow firearms in my games at all, and consequently have never worked with the gunslinger class. In fact, I don't even own a copy of Ultimate Combat. Consequently, I really don't have much to say about this item due to my general unfamiliarity with the relevant rules. That said, it's a helmet that makes you a better shot? I'm not sure that I see the connection between the two.
Overall: I remember this item coming up in voting a few times, and I generally downvoted it because I actually understood the rules for the item it was up against. While gunslingers don't get a whole lot of love, in 2015, you might want to consider making an item that has broader appeal. C+
Upon reflection: This is way overpriced for a single-use item. I would have used summon monster VII the spell requirement.
Overall: I like the description and the imagery it evokes, but it's pretty much a monster-in-a-can. C
Upon reflection: The item raises a bunch of questions. What happens if the battle is mostly over when the wearer falls, and there aren't any combatants that meet the raise dead criteria? Also not clear: what if the battle was against a single individual (not uncommon when adventuring), and when the skleletal champion rises, the bad guy is down to just a few hit points? What happens if the enemies all run away when they see a skeleton rise from the corpse of their enemies?
Overall: I love the idea of this item, but the execution raises too many questions withoug a full rewrite. When you submit your item next year, bounce it off a few trusted gamer friends (preferably ones that aren't planning to enter themselves) for feedback. I think another pair of eyes would have seen the same issues, which would give you time to re-tool your item. Creativity: A+; Execution: C-; Overall B
Upon reflection: Kind of a Swiss Army knife. The absorbing and shooting jets of flame doesn't seem to me to be "sculpting" fire in any meaningful way. The thrid use, where you can sculpt fires into creatures... I can kind of see that, but I would probably have given the sculpted creature the stats of an appropriately-sized fire elemental instead.
Overall: The name of the item doesn't really reflect what it actually does. I was expecting an ability to change the size, shape, and possibly movement of fires. What it does isn't bad, but feels kind of disjointed. C
Upon reflection: I can hear Billy Mays pitch this item on late-night Crystal Ball Network. ("Do you have too many pearls of power? Are you afraid of dropping one right before the boss battle? Cast your sending now to order your very own medallion of the nine spheres! Just eight easy payments of 500 platinum pieces!")
Overall: I've never been a fan of magic items that exist just to hold other magic items. It has too much of a meta-game feel for my taste. I do kind of like the self-destruct mechanism, though. C+
---Page 5---
Upon reflection: "Ionic energy" is not defined in game terms. It looks like you're trying to say that this item saps the victim's health and/or life energy. If that was the effect you meant, I'd instead go with either constitution damage or short-term level drain (like an enervation spell). This is a slotless item that attaches to a weapon. It treads very close to "weapon property" territory, which would be a disqualification.
Overall: The flavor of the item is anachronistic for a fantasy game, and the mechanics are kind of messy. Next year, I'd recommend sticking to established game terms rather than trying to define your own. D
Upon reflection: You have a couple of typos, although I'm guessing (hoping?) that you re-typed your item write-up on the "Critique My Item" thread. So, the wearer takes a small amount of damage, but can inflict pain on anyone who attacks him. Decent idea. The wording is kind of clunky. I would probably have described this as an item associated with kytons (they're kind of into S&M) rather than real-world monks.
Overall: Mechanically decent idea, but I didn't like the description or imagery. C-
Upon reflection: You have some typos and some grammar issues in the write-up. You don't mention anything about the size of the skeleton-- I think you intended it to be a human skeleton, but "skeleton" is template that can be applied to ANY monster with a corporeal body and a skeletal system. You could have a 20 HD gargantuan monster skeleton. (Not that it would fail the saving throw... which would be 12).
Overall: I like the creativity, but you'll need to work on both your writing and the mechanics when you submit for Superstar 2015. C-
Mantle of Butterflies
My item. No comment.
Upon reflection: Format fail. Mechanically, not too shabby. It's got the appropriate fail-safe to prevent this from being an endless arrow generator. It's just not terribly interesting.
Overall: An item that creates ammunition is nothing new to the game. I don't see much of a spark with this item-- I'm sure you can do better! Let your creative juices slosh around your head for the next few months and make a really awesome Superstar item next year! C
Upon reflection: I'm not a fan of the instant spell-capture. The spell you based this on (siphon magic from the ISWG-- I had to look it up) requires a dispel check. I think this item really needs the same or a similar mechanic. As it is, it's significantly more powerful than the spell used to create it.
Overall: I really, really like the idea of this item. I distinctly remember seeing it two or three times when voting, and always voted it "up." With the addition of a dispel check, this would be an A+ item for me. As-is, it's an A-.
Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating
Upon reflection: You use a lot of words to say "5-foot radius." I'm not clear if you intended it to have 5 uses per day of each effect, or 5 uses total. I'm a bit unclear on what effects this item actually has-- you need to tighten up the writing a bit.
Overall: Creativity is on your side, but I don't like the steampunk imagery of this item. Punching the ground is also kind of awkward. I would defintely call it a standard action that provokes an AOO. Overall a C-
Upon reflection: You buried the lead-- you describe the item's drawbacks and what it doesn't do before you say what it does. Your writing is also pretty awkward, and I had to read it three times before I understood what (I think) you wanted to convey. This is also a "let's make adventuring safer" item, which violates Item #22 of of SKR's list of things to avoid in Superstar item design
Overall: While I can see the utility of this item, I would not allow it in my game. You do need to work on your writing if you want to be a Superstar. My advice is to keep writing, and to solicit feedback from other gamers and writers. Come back in 2015 and knock everyone's socks off! D
Flawed Pictograms Eat Stuff Much
Upon reflection: I really like this one, but it seems WAY overpriced for what it does. I would also be a bit more clear on what the item actually does, and maybe spend a little less time on the item's backstory. You also might want to change it to singular, rather than plural: having a plural name indicate that they normally come in a set.
Overall: I love the creativity and the campaign setting knowledge of this item. Next time, compare the item to others of its power level in the Core Rulebook and adjust accordingly. (Honestly, I'm not great at that aspect, either.) Writing needs to be tighter. A-
Upon reflection: Honestly, this seems much more like a plot device to feed clues to the PCs than a wondrous item.
Overall: I've seen items like this used on TV and in the comics many times before. Mechanically well-executed, but not a terribly original idea. C-
---Page 6---
Upon reflection: I'd bring the bottom line up front with this one: you use the item to keep a dying creature alive for up to 10 rounds. I have a few questions about it: You don't say what happens to the affected creature's status. Are they staggered when under the effects? Is there a bottom limit as to how low their negative hp can go?
Overall: I love the creepy imagery of somebody manually and rhythmically squeezing a bloody human heart to keep someone else alive. Needs a few rules clarifications, and the writing needs tightening. Overall a B.
Upon reflection: Haunting mists 3/day, ignore vision penalties of all darkness and shadow effects, take some negative levels and create an advanced shadow. Definately a Swiss Army knife item. I'd probaly drop the monster-in-a-can effect and focus on the making mists and seeing through darkness effects... although that's honestly not all that interesting. And none of these effects actually have the [shadow] subschool.
Overall: I like the item name, but its effects are kind of "meh." And it's a Swiss Army Knife. C-
Upon reflection: Um... I've re-read the item description three times, and I'm still not sure how this works. You pour in three potions, and then get out six combined potions, either maximized or empowered and extended? Um... not in my game, you don't.
Overall: This is a game-breaking item. Honestly, after reading it a few times, I'm seriously wondering if the submitter was serious, or just trolling the board. F
Upon reflection: Writing is very hard to follow. It seems like there's a sentence fragment in there that I can't make sense of. It doesn't say how fast the rats are spawned by the item... just that in four days there are enough rats for four swarms. What if those swarms are destroyed? Does the item "know" when to start generating more?
Overall: This isn't a wondrous item so much as a plot device for the PCs to find (to rid their own ship of the never-ending rat infestation.) D
Upon reflection: Okay, I've now read this one three times to make sure I understand. It's a pair of gloves, one with a built-in archery sight? You can then teleport a held bow to and from a pocket dimension (Hammerspace?) And then you can fire into melee with the bow still in hammerspace without provoking an AOO? And if you run out of arrows, you can shoot shadow arrows (as per shadow conjuration)? Did I get that right? I'm not sure.
Overall: I think you over-thought this item. I like the idea of a ghost bow that you can use to shoot shadow arrows in melee without provoking, but that would be a weapon or a weapon property, not a wondrous item. I saw this item in voting fairly frequently, and usually voted it down... mainly because I had a very hard time both visualizing it and figuring out what it was supposed to do. C-
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8
aka Cathara
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Re: Plague Cake
It's not just for ships; it does it anywhere and mentions that >.> Want to run a rival shop out of business? Want a distraction? Want to run a small village into the ground (because 4 CR3 monsters against a village of NPCs is nasty)? It's a ship's biscuit purely for flavour :)
Also it's just constantly spawning rats, it takes *thousands* of rats to make a single swarm, in my initial write up I specified how many rats an hour but it was somewhat redundant. After all; killing a few individual rats (who are specified to run and hide rather than fight until they've formed a swarm) is a bit pointless, at that stage they're just flavour text.
And it makes 4 swarms. It doesn't need to know how many are in existence, it just makes 4 over the course of 4 days; doesn't matter if any are still around or not.
Cilice of Shared Suffering
I did retype it, as I forgot to save a copy of the final draft and so only had my printout from the voting screen. Which I did not think to just copy and paste at the time.
The original cilices were hairshirts and the like, but I took the more modern usage as any device meant for self-mortification because I thought it gave a more evocative visual and avoided weird issues imagining having the hair shirt under your plate armor, or wearing it above. Also I didn't want an item that inflicted friction burns on foes because that seemed a bit goofy.
I wanted to avoid the kyton association to minimize reliance on Golarion knowledge and put forward a more neutral flavor. Kytons seemed to put the thumb on the scale for it being a villains-only kind of thing.
Re: Plague Cake
It's not just for ships; it does it anywhere and mentions that >.> Want to run a rival shop out of business? Want a distraction? Want to run a small village into the ground (because 4 CR3 monsters against a village of NPCs is nasty)? It's a ship's biscuit purely for flavour :)
Also it's just constantly spawning rats, it takes *thousands* of rats to make a single swarm, in my initial write up I specified how many rats an hour but it was somewhat redundant. After all; killing a few individual rats (who are specified to run and hide rather than fight until they've formed a swarm) is a bit pointless, at that stage they're just flavour text.
And it makes 4 swarms. It doesn't need to know how many are in existence, it just makes 4 over the course of 4 days; doesn't matter if any are still around or not.
Thanks for the clarifications! Your item makes a bit more sense now. Again, I'm not a professional game designer, just a long-time gamer. On the other hand, I do write technical documentation professionally, so in that sense I like to think that I know what I'm talking about.
The fact that you needed to clarify what you meant after the fact indicates that you should have taken another pass or three on your item write-up before you submitted. It's hard to take a look at your own writing critically, though. I usually prefer to write something, wait a day or two (if I can) and then review it, when things are less fresh in my mind. It helps you to look at what you wrote without being clouded by what you meant. Because your readers don't have ESP and can't know what you intended-- just what's on the page.
I started working on my 2014 Superstar submission about two months ago, and had it fairly polished weeks before the submissions were open. I ran it by some friends of mine that play 3.5 but not Pathfinder (and who I trusted wouldn't try to take credit for it themselves).
Best of luck, and keep designing!
Cilice of Shared SufferingThe original cilices were hairshirts and the like, but I took the more modern usage as any device meant for self-mortification because I thought it gave a more evocative visual and avoided weird issues imagining having the hair shirt under your plate armor, or wearing it above. Also I didn't want an item that inflicted friction burns on foes because that seemed a bit goofy.
I wanted to avoid the kyton association to minimize reliance on Golarion knowledge and put forward a more neutral flavor. Kytons seemed to put the thumb on the scale for it being a villains-only kind of thing.
Oh, okay. I studied medieval history in college (which at this point seems like medieval history itself), and I wasn't familiar with modern reinterpretations thereof. And I'm not Catholic myself.
I guess it was the juxtaposition of an item intended for mortification that then turns around and causes suffering to others that threw me. I was imagining a medieval Christian monk willing suffering to bring himself closer to God... and your item made me think of the Marquis de Sade. That's why I thought "kytons" or even the Hellraiser films would be a better flavor in my book.
Anyway, thanks for the clarifications, and best of luck!
Back to reviews...
I seem to have skipped one on Page 5...
Gloves of Mercurial Synthesis
Upon reflection: Okay, I get the special metal add, but where does the alignment quality come from? I don't see a connection to the "quicksilver" name. And, they can just magically tell from hitting something what kind of DR an opponent has and adjust accordingly? That part reminds me of the Borg from Star Trek that just automatically adjust their shielding against weapons after being hit a couple of times.
Overall: I'd drop the alignment add-- it seemed a bit over the top. Otherwise, a very solid, albeit utilitarian item. You saw a need in-game, and you built an item to fill it. I would totally use this item in my home game, but I think it lacks that pizzaz that a Superstar item needs to advance. B+
Upon reflection: So, it's pretty much a spell-in-a-can with unusual special effects. And in this case, the special effects really did grab me. Of course, the area is only a 30-foot cone, so a tracker is definitely going to know that something is up.
Overall: Actually, I rather liked this one! Simple to adjucate, very interesting special effects, tight writing, correctly priced. It's a utilitarian spell-in-a-can, but you made it work for me. A-
Upon reflection: On the re-read, my initial impression was wrong: this creates a... vortex? that sucks every creature within 30 feet into a single square. They are all stuck there for 1d6 rounds, and can't attack or be attacked. After it's over, they can each move out on their turn. So, I guess you'd use it to swallow up a bunch of enemy mooks and hold them briefly while you take on the Big Bad? Still feels weird to me, and not in a good way.
Overall: This is a very creative idea, but I'm not sure how well it meshes with the PFRPG rules. I'm also getting a sci-fi vibe, like it's a black hole or something. Mechanically, it seems sound, although weird. Something about it just feels off-kilter, but I can't put my finger onit. I'm honestly not sure what to think about it, so I'm giving it a B-
Upon reflection: Well-balanced mechanically and priced about right. It's completely utilitarian, but I like that it lets you do something that's never been allowed before.
Overall: Very solid item! I'm giving it an A.
Upon reflection: This is pretty much a spell-in-a-can that gives you better bonuses than the relevant spell.
Overall: Fairly solid mechanically, seems priced right for what it does. Doesn't really grab me by the lapels, though. B
RE: Shadow Archer's gage
Yeah I played on words. Going with the gage glove and the archery gage which is typically a bow-mounted telescopic sight. You also called it in me over thinking it. In retrospect the first and last powers were missteps.
The core idea was that your bow and arrow go into a pocket shadow dimension. Your shadow fires the weapon for you through a portal coming out of your hand. It leaves a hand free for a sword or shield.
Cutting the first and last power would have left me with plenty of word count to clarify the main idea. I made top 100 which is an improvement over last year.
Thanks for the critique.
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RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8
aka Cathara
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Thanks for the clarifications! Your item makes a bit more sense now. Again, I'm not a professional game designer, just a long-time gamer. On the other hand, I do write technical documentation professionally, so in that sense I like to think that I know what I'm talking about.The fact that you needed to clarify what you meant after the fact indicates that you should have taken another pass or three on your item write-up before you submitted. It's hard to take a look at your own writing critically, though. I usually prefer to write something, wait a day or two (if I can) and then review it, when things are less fresh in my mind. It helps you to look at what you wrote without being clouded by what you meant. Because your readers don't have ESP and can't know what you intended-- just what's on the page.
I started working on my 2014 Superstar submission about two months ago, and had it fairly polished weeks before the submissions were open. I ran it by some friends of mine that play 3.5 but not Pathfinder (and who I trusted wouldn't try to take credit for it themselves).
Best of luck, and keep designing!
tbf my clarification was just re-saying what was said in the write up :-/ Next time I'll try not doing the main write up on new year's day, along with friends doing similar.
RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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** spoiler omitted **Venicaan Lantern
** spoiler omitted **...
Haladir, I read a few of your reviews and I must say you have a really discerning eye for mojo and mechanics. I believe that going through all these items makes you a very strong contestant next year. :)
As for the review that I read with most keen interest was the one on the go-ke. I think it's the most polarizing item this year. It was in my personal top 3. The funny thing is, I agree with all your observations. I didn't like the name even though I'm a big fan of all things Japanese. I was worried about references that don't make sense to most people in Europe and the US. I also thought about the metagamey aspect of it.
But I couldn't help but absolutely love the item! I upvoted it every time. Hell, I even thought "I wish I had written this item." A lot of other people also seemed to love it (based on Eric's exit poll results). But it didn't even make the top 100.
Things that make an item an A- in my book may make it an F for someone else.
A very important lesson for everyone to learn, myself included.
As for the review that I read with most keen interest was the one on the go-ke. I think it's the most polarizing item this year. It was in my personal top 3. The funny thing is, I agree with all your observations. I didn't like the name even though I'm a big fan of all things Japanese. I was worried about references that don't make sense to most people in Europe and the US. I also thought about the metagamey aspect of it.
Hi, Mikko.
A big part of my critiques is, "Would I use or allow this item in my game." I run a game that emphasizes style and role playing over crunch and system mastery. I'm fine with saying that I won't let a pesky die roll or quibble with the rules get in the way of a good story. To that end, I frequently run less-important battles "old school" with a higher lever of abstraction. That is, without a battle mat, with me keeping track of positioning in my head. (It can make the game flow more smoothly.) Consequently, items that force the behind the scenes game mechanics into the game itself are anathema to my play style-- such items only make my job as GM more difficult and less fun.
On top of that is my personal bias against abstract strategy games, like chess, go, checkers, pente, Othello, etc. They are a kind of game that I want to like, but just..don't. And since I'm in my mid-40s, I've concluded that there is no compelling reason to torture myself trying to learn to like them. At this point, it ain't gonna happen.
So for me, personally, the tactician's go-ke was the perfect storm of a well-thought, well-designed item that managed to hit every RPG red flag for my gaming style. It codified a bunch of things I try to actively avoid at my table, and if it were published, I would house-rule a table ban on the item.
On an unrelated note: You hit the other selfish reason I'm trying to review everything on the "Critique My Item" thread: I want to improve my own game by taking a close look at others' submissions.
tbf my clarification was just re-saying what was said in the write up :-/ Next time I'll try not doing the main write up on new year's day, along with friends doing similar.
Believe me, I totally get writing close to deadline! (Speaking strictly for myself, doing so tends to increase my word count and decrease my clarity!)
Another aspect to think about with a Superstar submission: Don't over-complicate your item. Many voters churn through voting as quickly as they can, and end up just skimming your item write-up, and vote based on first impression. That's why I'm including a "first impression" line. You've got to win people on the initial skim, or they'll move on to the next item. Put the bottom line up front.
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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First Impression: A brass ring that creates normal arrows and also imbues three with the bane ability. Okay.
Upon reflection: Format fail. Mechanically, not too shabby. It's got the appropriate fail-safe to prevent this from being an endless arrow generator. It's just not terribly interesting.
Overall: An item that creates ammunition is nothing new to the game. I don't see much of a spark with this item-- I'm sure you can do better! Let your creative juices slosh around your head for the next few months and make a really awesome Superstar item next year! C
~~shakes head vigorously~~ the sloshing has begun.
I appreciate your honesty ... after open voting I reviewed a host of interesting items. Mine was a sub-conscious ode to my low-power campaign that I am currently running.
I have more than enough experience with both role-players and roll-players ... so next year I will clean up the format and bring something sexy.
thank you
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
By the way... I would really appreciate it if I could get a little more feedback on my own item, the mantle of butterflies.
I still only have three reviews, according to Garret's amazing item tracker.
Garret, as they said back in the '90s, "You da MAN!")
Thanks!
And, back to the reviews!
Upon reflection: I'd make it an attack roll against a square, as a splash weapon. I'd also make the area an entangle effect-- you'll save a lot of words by just referencing existing rules, which do more-or-less the effect you describe anyway. I do like that the user of the item can use the vines to make a disarm attempt against someone caught in the vines, but you don't say what the CMB for the attempt should be. The user's? The vines themselves? (If the latter, you'll need to say what the vines' CMB actually is.) Also, is the item good for 10 rounds total (charges?) or is that 10 rounds per day? (Given the price, I'd guess it's an expendable item.)
Overall: Very creative item with a terrible name. The mechanics raise a lot of questions that need sorting out. I'd say an A for concept, a D for name, and a C- for execution, for an overall C+
First Impression: This made me think of the song Raj Neesh by Inner City Unit from my punk days back in the 80s. (Start at 0:30 for what I'm taking about.) So, it's a hat shaped like a bucket that dumps water on your head if you fall asleep. Seems like a joke item all the way.
Upon reflection: Mechanically, nothing to really gripe about, but it still seems too silly to take seriously. I can see using this item in a comedy-heavy or silly game, but I would never use it at my table for regular play.
Overall: Dial way back on the silliness if you want to be taken seriously for Superstar 2015. C
Upon reflection: The item is crafted for a specific individual. Does it work equally well if someone else wears it, or is that purely decorative? As both a GM and a player, I am generally not a fan of having to keep track of a slew of conditional modifiers, and the less-complex the list the better. I'd recommend changing the insight bonus to Will saves to be against illusions and mind-affecting effects, to make it easier to keep track of. I hate it when a player says, "I fail the save," and then in the middle of another player's turn, interjects, "Wait! I forgot to include my bonus against beguiling effects! I actually made that save!"
Overall: A perfectly servicable utilitarian item, but nothing about it really grabs me from a design perspective. I'd give it a B-.
Upon reflection: And it's also an X-ray machine. This item has very limited applicability: how often do you have to infiltrate a crypt of the undead? It sure would make a killer Halloween costume, though!
Overall: Creative and creepy, but as I mentioned it's applicability is extremely limited. I see this more as a plot item, as a way to sneak somebody into an ossuary or the necromancer's creepy castle. B-
Upon reflection: Huh... my first impression still holds. As an idea, it's pretty strong, but I have a bunch of rules questions about it. I'm unclear as to how many undead can be kept in the bracelet. The wording implies that the bracelet allows multiple charms, but then switches to only talking about one. It doesn't say how many undead can be captured or of there is a hit dice limit. The save DC to avoid capture is pretty low, so you'll mainly be using it to capture skeletons and zombies, plus the occasional unlucky ghoul.
Overall: If I can get over the Pokémon analogy, it's a pretty decent concept. Needs a bunch of rules clarifications. I'll say a B+ for creativity, a C- for execution, for an overall B-
Upon reflection: It's a crown made of wood, with crows sitting on it and a silver bauble? Huh? I don't get it...oh, wait! Murder of crows! Okay. The name is VERY misleading, and a big strike against. It's an item that summons a swarm of crows. You then don't use the swarm rules but define what it does such that it's pretty darned close. Now, I probably shouldn't critize another maker of a pseudo-swarm item for rewriting the swarm rules, but I don't see a compelling reason for your item not to use them. I do like that the murder of crows can pick up the wearer and fly away with him. (I briefly considered that as an additional ability for my item, too.)
Overall: Misleading name. You re-invented the wheel. It's also a monster-in-a-can item, albeit with additional on-theme effects that simultaneously make it interesting without falling into the Swiss Army Knife trap. I'm giving it a C+ due to the complexity of the rules you wrote, when you could have said something like, "The murder of crows has the same stats as a bat swarm," or something like that.
By the way... I would really appreciate it if I could get a little more feedback on my own item, the mantle of butterflies.
I've got a few minutes... I think this was a solid item that I upvoted and could even see including, but needed just a little more in the writing aspect.
Your template use looks spot on.
Your description is there, but you've got something that could have a *great* visual with a little more effort. Maybe the butterflies slowly flap their wings and move around on the mantle, for example? Perhaps include some color? You also start with a verb form of "to be." Maybe something like "Stylized butterflies in brilliant reds, blues and greens slowly flap their wings on this white mantle, normally worn over clothing or armor." "Flap" isn't the world's greatest verb, of course, but it's still more active than "is." Remember, the judges especially are looking for the designer behind the items, and that's one of the areas you can show your descriptive writing chops.
Afterward, I think it feels a bit like it's a series of effects and rules just coming one after the other. I think part of that is it's a solid block of text. I might have tried to break it up into sections.
You also have before you get into the effects of the powers -- which is what are going to excite readers -- the movement limitations. That's important and good detail but save that for later, IMO. Get to what it can do first, not what it can't.
Some other thoughts on things that might have hurt you:
* You say the swarm is distracting but then don't use the distraction special ability from the Universal Monster Rules. I might've looked for a synonym for distracting. (I'm not sure people cared about that; just occurred to me as I was dissecting the item for review.)
* It seemed odd to me that the user could see through the swarm without problems. That kind of broke my suspension of disbelief, a bit. Perhaps if they were illusory butterflies somehow -- so the user couldn't see them -- but as real butterflies, I just didn't see how that wouldn't effect him too.
* I think the last power was probably just gilding the butterfly. You didn't need it, though I don't know if that hurt you or not.
* Finally, I know others mentioned AA's worked butterfly example. No idea if the design synergy there ended up affecting you. I assumed the designer had this in before AA started his public worked item thread and felt bad for him/her, but not everyone may have given the benefit of the doubt.
Thanks for the feedback, Jacob!
And congrats on making the Top 32! I look forward to reading your monster.
I'm pretty much in agreement with your critiques.
The central idea was a swarm of butterflies, centered on the wearer, that blocked vision for everyone except the wearer, creating a relatively safe place for the wearer to stand and cast spells or fire missiles without being able to be targeted. I decided to add the slightly-less-damaging swarm effects to distinguish this from someone casting obscuring mist while wearing fogcutter lenses, and I may have ended up over-thinking it.
I ended up having to re-write most of the swarm rules because many of the swarm effects depend on how much damage the swarm does-- and this one doesn't do any damage. I should perhaps have taken a different tack on it.
The entry was rules-heavy without enough evocative imagery. I had a lot more flavor text in my first draft, connecting the item to the church of Desna, and naming the butterflies as blue-and-silver swallowtails. I ended up having to cut most of it for word count, mainly due to having to re-work the swarm rules.
And I also agree with the wall-of-text. I was thinking that because the magic item entries on the PRD generally don't have line breaks, I shouldn't have them in my write-up either. I know now for next year.
I agree with you also about the last power. When I originally wrote the item, I was thinking that mantles were a shoulder item, as they were in 3.5. I thought I should add an always-on defensive power to make up for the lack of another shoulder slot item (e.g. a cloak of resistance). I'd seen feedback on cloaks in previous Superstar commentaries that some judges docked points for taking away basic defenses from an important slot. When I revised the slot of the item to reflect PFRPG rules, I didn't think to take out that line.
And finally, now that I've been thinking about it and second-guessing my own design choices, I think the whole idea would work better as a spell than an item. Perhaps a spell restricted to worshipers of Desna.
Anyway, thanks so much for the feedback! I really appreciate it!
I critiqued your item on the main thread, but it may have gotten lost (or Garrett hasn't updated the GoogleDoc yet, which is totally fine). If you want to see my opinion now, here's the link (I'm afraid I don't know how to put hyperlinks in this format):
http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9&page=11?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Ite m-thread#515
Hope that helps!
And, back to the reviews!
---Page 7---
Upon reflection: Very creative idea, but it raises a whole lot of questions. I am assuming that you can't use the 3-dimensional shadow's senses. From what you write, both you and the shadow remain in the same square... so what's the actual advantage? Is your movement in shadow-form limited or enhanced by the direction ambient light? Do you gain a climb speed? Honestly, other than the visuals, I don't see what the game mechanics advantages of this item are.
Overall: Switching places with your shadow is a fairly well-documented trope in literature, but I'm just not seeing the mechanics to back the visuals that would make this a useful item to have. C
Upon reflection: So, you can use it to gain a temporary resist fire effect. You don't say how long, so you would have to look it up by the spell and item caster level. You can also throw the fire as produce flame, shortening the duration of the resist effect...but by how much? For the main event: once a week, you can imbue a small area of the plane you're on with the planar properties of the Elemental Plane of Fire. That part is more interesting. You might want to re-state what a Fire-Dominant plane means: elemental flames shoot through the area, dealing 3d10 hp damage per round, automatically igniting any nonmagical imflammable objects. Using this in a city or forest is going to start a major fire. Also, you're going to burn through your 90-point resist energy pretty quickly when you activate the planar rift.
Overall: Very powerful item with strong, straight-forward mechanics that needed a bit more tightening. Maybe a little too powerful at the price-point, but the danger to the wearer may balance that. I give this one an A-.
Upon reflection: Mechanics are a little hard-to-follow, but your own commentary on your post clarifies that. I think you're spot-on with how you should have phrased using multiple charges per day. The whole charges per day mechanic, though, gets a little complex. If I were designing this item, I'd have them give a blanket boost to base speed, and then have a once per day use of the big whallop abiliity. (Size increase, plus the Awesome Blow feat). For the visuals, I would have liked an actual 1-round increase in the wearer's size, as enlarge person.
Overall: Pretty decent item! With your re-worked phrasing, I'd give this one an A-!
Upon reflection: The mechanics seem straigtforward, and the writing is solid. However, this seems more like a MacGuffin or a plot device to imbue knowledge to the PCs, and less a useful wondrous item.
Overall: That about sums it up. B-
Upon reflection: Your mechanics are straightforward, and the writing is clean, clear, and to-the-point. It does tread very close to the Swinging Reposition ability from the Pirate rogue archetype, and I'm not sure how the two would interact.
Overall: Decent idea for a nautical game! Mechanics seem pretty straightforward, and I don't see any real problems. I did get hung up on the word "coir" in the name, and suspect you used it so that the item name alliterates. I'll give this one a B+
Upon reflection: The effect could be underwhelming or devastating, depending on circumstances. Could you put this on the raised drawbridge of an enemy castle, to force the defenders to open up?
Overall: If this item was in the game, every besieging army would carry at least a score of them, especially at only 7500 gp a pop. For that reason, it's kind of game-breaking, at least if you use castles or mass combat frequently. I like the central concept, though. I'll give it a B-
Upon reflection: This item is pretty much a floating weapon property that can be applied to any existing weapon. That makes it significantly more powerful than imbuing a weapon with said property-- why would I craft a +2 icy burst longsword when I can buy a this item and apply it to any of my weapons? As with any "free floating weapon property" item, I think it breaks game balance and should not be allowed.
Overall: I like the writing. You obviously saw some of my objections in advance, and built in some serious drawbacks to try to weaken the item a bit. However, in my opinion, any free-floating weapon property items are a bad idea to introduce to the game. D
Nick and Forgotten Knight: Thanks for the reviews! I greatly appreciate the feedback!
Nick: at the bottom of the text box for posting, there's a line, "How to format your text" with a "Show" button afterward. Click that link for text formatting instructions.
Okay... off to actually play some Pathfinder!
More reviews later!
Somen Mask review.
Thank you for taking the time to look at my item. I appreciate the advice and man do my players "stat whip" to find a bonus they seem to mythically pull from nowhere.
Finally fair feedback.
Appreciate also you taking the time to google the mask. What is very cool about the masks is that they were used to hide the face of the Samurai for a number of reasons:
*To hide weakness (Facial expressions which might give away attack strat)
*To inspire fear (By painting Iconic images or tailoring the mask to warp the face)
*To Grant Authority (Most wearing these mask were above the common foot soldier and were valued members of the Shoguns army)
The Mask though tailored to fit a single face would magically adjust to others. These things were often found on the field of battle and solid or used by an enemy as a way of showing the Shoguns forces that they were a more powerful warrior then the previous owner. This often would inspire fear giving the enemy a huge advantage.
Anyways thank you Haladir for the review.
Thank you for reviewing fleshless shroud. I'm wondering if I should have done more to sell the invisible flesh nature, like using it to find hidden items, but that might have stepped further into a modern technology trap.
I critiqued your item here. Though I only have less than two years of RPG experience under my belt, I welcome you to RPG Superstar and hope to see you next year!
** spoiler omitted **
Thank you for taking the time to review my item, along with valid points for me to consider going forward.
I'm hoping to get back to the item critiques at some point soon.
I started this little project while I was recovering from surgery and had a fair amount of time on my hands. I was also on some painkillers that made me even loopier than ususal.
I do apologize for any snarky, impolite, or oddly stream-of-consciousness reviews so far. (Blame the Vicodin!) On the plus side, if I'd been completely in my right mind, I probably wouldn't have started this project!
Hopefully more reviews to come!
And now back to the reviews! Given other things going on in my life right now, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to complete this task (or if I do, how long it will take me!)
But here goes!
Upon Reflection: I like the individual powers of this single-use item, but I don't see their relation to each other, or to the item itself. I get the connection between dwarves and blacksmithing, but I don't see the healing effect connection. This feels like a Swiss Army knife of powers that aren't related.
Overall: Individual effects are kind of cool, but the item suffers from the lack of a unifying theme. C
Upon Reflection: I've read your item description three times, and I still feel very confused as to what this item exactly does and why. I still don't know what a "borrow beast" or a "borrowbone" is.
Overall: To be completely honest, I don't understand this item at all, and am still scratching my head over it. I strongly advise you to work on your writing for clarity above any other aspect of game design. I hate to say it, but I have to give this item an F.
--Page 8--
Lesser Runestrip of the Enchanting
Upon Reflection: Items like this break game balance. Why would anyone magically enhance a weapon when they could instead make these and affix them to any weapon they wanted? As a GM, I would never allow items like this in my game.
Overall: This items breaks basic assumptions and balance of the game. I think this also violates the spirit of what constitutes a wondrous item. As much as I hate to say it, I have to give this one an F.
Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser
Upon Reflection: It's a disease effect, but doesn't use the disease rules-- it instead makes the victims nauseated for 10 minutes. That feels off to me. Nauseated is a very debilitating condition, and takes a victim out of combat for the duration. Putting that condition onto a character for 10 minutes (i.e. 100 rounds!) seems very overpowered for the price-point, yet the save DC is pretty low. I do see that you attempted to balance that by giving a victim a second save if hostile action is taken toward a victim, but why would you? A nauseated creature can only take a single move action or move-equivalent action, and is therefore out of the fight! I do like that the wearer can designate someone else a carrier, although I don't like what he'd be a carrier of.
Overall: With the name "pestilent" in the title and mentions of a disease effect, I was expecting to use the disease rules. This item feels both overpowered and underwhelmning. While I like the concept and visuals, the game mechanics are very problematic. C-
Flowerpot of Joyous Revitalization
Upon Reflection: Um... yeah, it's reincarnate for dead plant creatures. Is it for druids with plant creature companions? I would have liked a more varied list of creatures.
Overall: Kind of interesting, but I don't see much of an application for it. The visuals seem kind of goofy, which made me think it might have been a joke item. It seems like it would be more of a plot device than a letitimate wondrous item. C+
Upon Reflection: Basically, this item bestows the Enlarge Spell feat to the wearer for any spells or abilities with an "audible effect". That's vague. I would advise you to be more speficic with which effects it covers, like saying "spells with the [sonic] or [language-dependent] descriptors, bardic performances that are sound-based, or other abilities or effects that rely on the target's ability to hear them (GM's discretion)."
Overall: At its heart, this is a limited feat-in-a-can with very strange visuals. At the same time, it does fill a need in the game to increase the range of bardic performances. You also need to tighten up your wording and use of game terminology. I'm kind of torn on this one: I don't usually like to see items that bestow the abilities of a feat, but it does serve a utilitarian need. But the weird visuals really detract from the item for me. C+
Cylinder of the Lights of the First World
Upon Reflection: I don't like the name: a "cylinder" isn't a quiver, and I don't see the First World connection. I do see the utility of this: it greatly increases the chance that you'll be able to recover special arrows after firing them.
Overall: This is a very utilitarian item that grants a benefit that isn't otherwise available in the game. The visuals are fine but don't really grab me. This is a solid item, but lacks the pizzaz that a true Superstar item needs. B+
Goggles of Dimensional Analysis
Upon Reflection: Normally there is no way to tell where someone went if they teleport out, so this does fill a niche in the game that's missing. Players absolutely HATE IT when the bad guy teleports out before they can kill him. Mecahnically, this item is very sound. However, from the perspective of the GM, the use of teleport is often the only way a GM can keep a recurring villain alive to return another day for plot reasons. Allowing this item would let the PCs head straigt into the BBEG's stronghold. On the other hand, a bad guy with this item could use it to attack the PCs when they're at their most vulnerable if they have to teleport out of a fight that's going poorly for them.
Overall: I'm really torn here. Mechanically, this is a great item, and as a player I would love this. As a GM, my problem with it is for metagame reasons. I don't want to encourage my PCs to hunt down my recurring villains until I'm ready for them to go down; I also don't necessarily want my villains to be able to follow the PCs after they retreat. I'm giving the item a B+, with the caveat that I would probably not allow this item at my table.
--Page 9--
Upon Reflection: A single-use item that grants a non-Mythic possessor a fraction of the legendary hero's mythic power. Excellent idea, and a way for a GM to incorporate a bit of Mythic rules into a non-Mythic game. At the same time, some GMs might not know enough of the Mythic rules to properly adjucate this. (I, for one, have the book but am not running a Mythic game. Consequently, I haven't gone over the rules too closely.) A problem with the design of this item is that it's really a lesser artifact, as it can't be created by regular mortals.
Overall: I like the concept, but question whether this would be something a non-Mythic character could ever create. It's almost more of a plot device, or even a way to start a PC onto a mythic path. B
And now, I have go go. More critiques later!
Upon Reflection: Very disturbing visuals with this item-- I love it! So you store a corpse's eyeballs in a bracer, and then can magically switch out your own eyes with a pair on the bracer, granting you any special vision properties of the eyes. It looks like the wearer can only gain extrordinary vision abilites, not magical ones. And it has the proper safeguards so that you can't switch out eyes permanently. The downside is that this is basically an always-on item with a variable effect. I question whether there should also be a size limit: could you take the eyes of a huge or tiny creature? Do the eyes have to be mamillian, or could you take the eyes of a Huge spider? I also don't like vision effects in a wrist-slot item: this should be a face slot item.
Overall: What happens if you have your eyes switched out, and the magic of the item fails? e.g. the items is hit with a targeted dispel magic or you step into an antimagic field? This is a deliciously creepy item with some mechanical issues. B
Upon Reflection: Um, yeah... that's what it is. Something about the visuals don't make sense: the scabbard just has a bunch of different hilts sticking out of it? That part seems kind of off.
Overall: Useful utilitarian item, but just a minor variation on an existing item. With a better visual description, I could see this showing up in a book of magic items, but it's not Superstar. I'm giving it a B-.
Upon Reflection: So, once per day you can target up to 10 HD of undead for an effect like hideous laughter. I'm tyring to imagine zombies laughing, and now I'm sorry that I tried.
Overall: It's sort of a spell-in-a-can, but with a different set of targets. That said, it's an imaginitive twist on the regular effect, making it both different and very creepy. Making mindless skeletons and zombies laugh would be disturbing to watch. The other effects seem kind of superfluous and tacked on, making it more of a Swiss Army knife. I would have dropped the additional effects. I'm giving this one a B
Upon Reflection: It's WAY overpriced for what it does-- which isn't much, frankly.
Overall: It's more a window-dressing item, or possibly a plot device, than a usable magic item. Your own commentary seems to concur with this. This just isn't Superstar-- next year, enter something exciting! D
Upon Reflection: Just not very interesting.
Overall: I can see these in a book of magic items, but this just isn't Superstar. Next year, bring something exciting! B-
Upon Reflection: This is a solid item for very evil people. I would have added disguise self as an additional spell requirement. It's an item for evil NPCs-- not many PCs are going to use it.
Overall: I like it! I saw this in voting once or twice, and always upvoted it. The evilness limits its general appeal, and I give it a solid A-.
Looks like I skipped one on page 7:
Upon Reflection: I'm not sure why an eye item would have an audible effect. The mechanics are kind of clunky. If I dropped an item like this into my game, I would have the item slowly drain the sanity of the wearer as well.
Overall: I like the gist of this item, but the mechanics are problematic. I would recommend working on your writing clarity above any other aspect of game design. C-
--Page 10--
Upon Reflection: A magic horseshoe nail that summons a warhorse as a mount, clads the user in heavy armor, and has the wearer already mounted upon the horse when activated. Clever! I'm less OK with granting the wearer Heavy Armor Proficiency, and even less so with the possibility of a paladin or cavalier using an item as their special mount. I think you tried to gild the lily, and diluted the core concept.
Overall: I don't recall ever seeing this item in voting. I like the central power of the item very much, but the additional powers detreacted a bit. I also didn't like the name at all. I'll give this a solid B.
Upon Reflection: It's kind of a spell-in-a-can with slightly tweaked specifics. Jellyfish tentacles actually sting opponents, not entangle them. I'm not sure how I feel about black tentacles affixed to a moving point, like a character. If the opponents are air-breathing swimmers, this could be a deadly device.
Overall: This was a creative new application of existing rules. However, grammatical errors abound in your text. I think the first thing you should address in game design would be your writing. C-
Upon Reflection: I'm not sure what you mean when you talk about using the gloves on magical effects. Do you mean that you can use the gloves to create such effects, or do you mean that you can use the gloves to manipulate underbrush under the effects of such spells. Does that mean you could use the gloves to dispel such effects? I like the ability to create a living topiary. I would have put in a page reference to Bestiary 4 (especially as this source isn't yet on the PRD.) (Note: There was a 3.5 "topiary creature" template that I was originally thinking of, and I was going to ask if there was a maximum hit dice limit on creating magical topiaries, but the creature from B4 is not a template, so it's a moot point.)
Overall: Clever idea for an item that needed a little more explanation of the mechanics. B-
Upon Reflection: I had to read the special Bull Rush bonus a couple of times before I understood what you meant. I'm also not sure why you included the analogy with a torrent of water-- I thought the shoes were storing up energy somehow. I would have used haste as the spell requirement.
Overall: I'm not a fan of items that work on a meta-game level: this item seems to take an abstraction of the system (i.e. movemement rate) and makes it explict. C+
Upon Reflection: I like the healing effect of the gloves, but the whip effect less so. It's kind of a Swiss Army Knife of unrelated powers, and it's also a weapon. I would have preferred that you kept the initial power and done something cooler with it, without introducing the whip effect.
Overall: Disturbing item for use by a villain. I like the concept, but the execution less so. B-
Upon Reflection: Concept is kind of cutesy. I'm also not a big fan of dice items, but these don't have a table of random effects. You also don't say how often the dice can be used in a given day. (Implied that it's once, but you don't actually state that.)
Overall: Not a bad item! The language needs a bit of clarification, but I can see myself using this item at my table. B+
Upon Reflection: Um... that's about it. Why would an alchemist use something as rare as dragon blood to make something so mundane as alchemist's fire? Shouldn't the dragon blood itself more valuable?
Overall: I'm just not seeing the utility of this item. C-
--Page 11--
Upon Reflection: Formatting issues: use American English standards (commas for numeric place; periods for decimals) and spellings. I like the initial effect; good re-purpose of existing rules. The seasonal effects aren't equivalent: winter is far more powerful than spring. You also did not include save DCs.
Overall: Good idea for an item (or set of items) that needs a little work to balance the different versions. B-
Upon Reflection: After re-reading the grit rules, I still don't exactly understand what this item does. I think I'm not going to be able to give this item a fair review.
Overall: I like that you chose to give gunslingers some love in Superstar. Unfortunately, that may have hurt you in voting: if a voter isn't familiar with gunslinger rules, she's going to vote for the other item. I'd recommend sticking with items for core classes next year. [No rating, as I'm not qualified to review this one.]
More reviews to come!
Upon Reflection: What the device does is very complex and hard to follow. I've had to read the description three times to be sure of how you envisioned it to work. So, the first blast creates a region of "chaotic warp," that impedes movement as solid fog, but not vision; a second blast casts polymorph any object upon something within the area of the first blast, and also summons a warpwave (c.f. Protean). Seems a bit overpowered, and unwieldy.
Overall: Creative idea, but you may have overthought it a bit. I'd tone down the complexity and flesh out a single, well-described power. C
Upon Reflection: Aside from the name, it's a solid item, although not terribly exciting. I like the synergy with an immovable rod. As for other uses of the item, I would probably include the line, "It is otherwise treated as a nonmagical 10-foot pole."
Overall: Simple, clear rules; good formatting; useful (but not too useful) item. Concept is unexciting, and I don't like the name. Overall, I'll give it a solid B.
--Page 12--
Upon Reflection: Mechanically sound, but it really has the feel of a joke item. Especially that in order to lose the fur, you end up completely bald first!
Overall: It's a weird item that feels pretty jokey to me. I could possibly see including it in a humor-focused game (along with the bucket hat and turtle tureen), but not in a serious game. It certainly is creative, though. I'll give it a B-.
Upon Reflection: Core concept is interesting, although problematic. How does the illusory copy know what the original would do in that situation? Could you use this item to make a copy and then study it to learn the subject's patterns? Could you interrogate it for information that the real one knows? What's the Perception DC to see through the ruse, anyway?
Overall: Decent idea for an item, but the mechanics need a great deal of work. C-
Upon Reflection: So, this item only works in conjunction with a cloak of resistance of +2 or greater? I really don't like magic items that require other magic items to work. It lets you "sail" magical energy to push you back to the edge of the effect's area of effect. You should specify that it uses an immediate action. The "tacking" effect feels particularly cutesy to me. What about burst effects?
Overall: Ultimately, this device lets the wearer take an immediate action to reposition when subject to an area-effect elemental spell. It's a creative idea to use an enemy's spell to get some free movement. However, I don't see why this item's powers necessarily meshes with the cutesy, anacrhonistic name and the unnecessarily nautical details of how it works. I also don't like that it requires being attached to another magic item. Overall, I'll give it a B-.
Hey Haladir. The question about coeurl's got me curious myself, so I did a general search and came up with this on Wikipedia. You've probably already seen it yourself after you posted your review for the item, but I thought I'd share it as some interesting tidbit you provoked me into looking up.
Hey Haladir. The question about coeurl's got me curious myself, so I did a general search and came up with this on Wikipedia. You've probably already seen it yourself after you posted your review for the item, but I thought I'd share it as some interesting tidbit you provoked me into looking up.
Actually, I didn't bother looking for more info about this creature beyond what I found on Pathfinder Wiki. I've never read or played Legacy of Fire, so I figured this creature was more-or-less a stand-in for the non-OGL displacer beast. I had no idea that Paizo actually got special permission from the estate of A.E. Van Vogt to include it on a one-time basis.
Upon Reflection: Very limited applicability. It seems specifically designed for a multiclassed druid/monk... a combo I've never, ever seen in play.
Overall: This is such a tiny sliver of a niche item, I can't see very many people getting excited over it. Next time, I'd strongly recommend designing something with a broader appeal. C
Upon Reflection: ...And that's not too far off! This item grants a PC the rock throwing and rock catching monster abilities. That's actually kind of cool! On the other hand, it's a "monster ability in a can." It's also not terribly compelling visually. That said, I think you totally nailed the mechanics. I saw this item in voting once or twice, and always voted for it.
Overall: It's a very solid item: acquiring monster abilities is something not normally allowd in the rules. I can see myself introducing this item into my campaign without changes. Unfortunately, it lacks the pizzaz that makes it truly Superstar. A-
--Page 13--
Upon Reflection: What is actually does is a bit of a let-down: the item will add a movement and/or perception abilities to a creature placed in the bag, at a cost of 1 point of Con damage. You state that getting a creature into the bag requires a successful grapple check... shouldn't that be a pin? The trade-off is a mere 1 point of Con damage, which is negated by lesser restoration or just one day of rest. That seems a pittance to exchange for the abilites gained. You also don't say how long the abilities last. Are they permanent? Other than the blind or deaf conditions, most PCs would love to have those abilities! (like Fly 90 feet!)
Overall: The item doesn't hold to what the word "fleshwarping" really means in Golarion. There are many questions that need clarification. The idea is solid, but the mechanical problems overshadow it. C-
Upon Reflection: I generally auto-reject any "free-floating weapon property" item, even if the weapon property itself is orginal. I find items like these to be attempts to sneak weapons into a contest for wondrous items.
Overall: The weapon properties themselves aren't bad. I would have designed this as a new weapon property or as a unique weapon with that property. Of course, such a design would not have been a wondrous item, and would not have been suitable for entry into Round 1 of Superstar. Next time, design something that isn't a weapon. D
Upon Reflection: Oh, so, if you know who cast the spell, you have a better chance of identifying that caster's spell and how to dispel them? You are essentially adding a new game mechanic and writing new canon onto the Pathfinder magic system with this item. Is the implication that, if you know who cast the spell, you'd get those bonuses even without the glasses?
Overall: This is a creative idea, and if you want houserule magic to work that way at your table, then fine. However, this item makes assumptions about the nature of magic that you really can't make. It's also not clear if the bonuses apply when not wearing the item. C-