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The followers of Sivanah have hidden away a secret world in the heart of Quantium. When the border between worlds thins on the eve of the Seven Veils Festival, the heroes find themselves trapped in the middle of a grand masquerade. They must navigate illusory realms and thwart the ruthless ambition of their host's rakshasa apprentice if they want to save the other guests and escape. When the veil is lifted at the festival’s end, will they find themselves safely home or lost forever in a world of illusion?
This adventure is intended for four 5th level characters, and will advance them to 6th level by its end.
Adventure Background
From the 18th to the 23rd of Neth, Nex’s capital of Quantium exhibits spectacles and wonders unsurpassed by any other city of this age. The numerous spellcasters that call the city home take great delight in demonstrating their prowess on Evoking Day, and, in a city renowned for its diversity, the Seven Veils Festival requires a display of special pride from Quantium’s citizens.
The followers of Sivanah have their own secret celebration on this sacred anniversary. During the four days leading up to the Seven Veils Festival, the already unstable fabric of reality around Quantium experiences a temporary conjunction with a fragment of Sivanah’s own realm. The church of the Seventh Veil uses the fragment as both a reward and prison; enemies the church would like to quietly disappear and those faithful with secrets so great the afterlife provides insufficient protection receive invitations to a grand masquerade held at the palatial estate where the conjunction takes place. The family that oversees the event recently vanished on a trip to Jalmeray, leaving only their adopted Vudrani daughter, Seyona, to oversee the masquerade.
Plagued with loneliness and grief and lacking the discipline to manage a large estate, Seyona thought her prayers were answered when a young woman named Mariska appeared on her doorstep petitioning for an apprenticeship. Mariska displayed a sharp, ordered mind, well-suited to managing the house’s affairs, and Seyona eagerly welcomed her. Unknown to Seyona, Mariska is a marai rakshasa (Bestiary 3) and part of the vanguard for a maharajah’s cult attempting to insinuate itself into the city’s power structure.
Mariska has learned only a little about the approaching conjunction from Seyona, but the treacherous apprentice sees the brief merging as an excellent opportunity to quietly eliminate some troublesome elements. She arranged for the invitations to be sent to those she wants removed and smuggled several dandasuka rakshasas (Bestiary 3) and their small army of clockwork golems (Bestiary 3) into the home as her enforcers.
Setup
After experiencing the marvels of Evoking Day in Quantium, the PCs are approached by Omari, a silk merchant. He is worried his brother, Aran, who is attending the masquerade, will be caught in yet another scandal. He offers costumes and a small retainer if the PCs will attend the party and ensure his brother stays out of trouble. He provides a description of his brother’s costume and a handful of expensive black envelopes. The envelopes contain invitations to the masquerade, which begins that evening:
Honored Guests,
The Lady Seyona cordially invites you to a five day celebration of mystery and delights at her home. Kindly appear before the evening meal on the 18th of Neth, masked, and in a costume of your choice.
If the PCs inquire about the estate or the event with the locals, everyone agrees that it is one of the most exclusive parties in the city.
Prelude
The city maintains its celebratory mood as the PCs travel to the estate. Outside, a footman greets any guests and reminds them to keep their identities concealed for the duration of their stay. The enormous residence is walled off from the city street, with the rising spires of a central palace visible, and one great spire rising well above the rest. The grounds stretch the full length of the block, with some stores and homes nestled against the exterior wall outside. The interior is a display of artistry and magical beauty wrought through generations of arcane stewards.
The PCs are greeted by Mariska, who has taken the form of a young Garundi woman in a feathery couatl costume. She directs all guests to their rooms with crisp efficiency. The PCs can meet with other party goers and keep an eye on Aran, who is drunk already, his costume disheveled from a backroom romp. Clockwork spies hidden in the guests’ room overhear any conversations.
The setting of the sun marks the beginning of the planar conjunction and slips the PCs into the first of many realms that coexist in layers over the estate, though nothing immediately appears amiss. Doorways, paths, mirrors, shadows, and even changing perspectives can shift the characters through dramatic transformations of their environment. Illusions are harder to disbelieve, and harder still for anyone concealing his or her own identity using a spell, costume, or mask. Anything seems possible.
This planar event has a numbing effect on corporeal creatures, dealing periodic Strength damage if the PC fails a fortitude save. The effect becomes stronger and more frequent the further the PCs delve in and the longer they remain.
The First Veil
More costumed attendees enter as the call goes out to seat for dinner. While quite convincing, none of these additional guests are flesh and blood. These individuals were trapped between worlds during previous overlays. The substance has been leached from them, turning them into creatures of imagination, able to disguise their surroundings and appearance at will. (They have become living illusions, a new template introduced in this adventure.) Most have forgotten their true identities and may attack those who confront them about their illusionary nature.
The disguised dandasuka rakshasas position themselves and their golems to strike during dinner, scattering around the grounds to catch any stragglers. Several accidentally slip into other veils. Mariska pulls Seyona aside for a private word, so she can quietly eliminate her.
The ringing of the gong for the first course signals the attack. The rakshasa Fenzik leads the dining room attack in costume, disguised as a gnome. Chaos erupts as he charges in, backed up by golems and appearing as a wild-eyed gnome dressed in a phoenix costume. The chairs have been trapped to hold the guests in place and anyone sitting must break free. Fenzik’s golems attempt to seize the guests, driving the illusionary attendees to frenzy as the golems make plain their lack of substance. The PCs can use the confusion to slip away or may stay to defend the other guests.
Golems patrol the rest of the estate in force, and any captured guests are herded into the cellar and secured. Evidence of a battle and Seyona’s fate can be found in the library. Many of the texts there also provide encrypted information about the planar event and clues to finding escape. The sealed entrance to the palace’s great spire frustrates all efforts to open it and is heavily guarded. The rakshasa charged with the post bitterly complains about Mariska’s orders.
The First Veil functions similarly to the mundane world, but the PCs may notice something amiss when a touch of weakness passes through them, or they catch their reflection in a mirror and see they’ve become slightly transparent. They may witness other fleeing guests suddenly vanish, and if they attempt to leave the grounds or wander in the gardens, they become lost in a sudden sandstorm that leaves them in the Second Veil. Stepping into the darker shadows inside the buildings will strand the PCs in the Third Veil. Reading a certain passage from one of the library’s tomes transports the reader to the Sixth Veil.
The Second Veil
Anyone venturing away from the grounds is blinded as a fierce sandstorm quickly overshadows the area. When the sand clears, the city has vanished and only desert remains. An ominous cold sun provides no warmth and is slowly eclipsed as the end of the festival approaches. The occasional stone monolith peaks from beneath the dunes, while a comforting oasis lies at the desert’s heart. An illusory water naga (Bestiary 3) named Hradi makes her home in the oasis and provides cryptic hints about navigating safely between the veils.
Mariska can be found at the oasis, questioning several guests who arrived there. Seyona slipped away from her and without her signet ring to open the great spire, no one is escaping. Mariska freely admits to being Seyona’s apprentice and is deeply saddened that her mistress has apparently gone mad, blaming her teacher for all that’s transpired. Mariska provides information about the planar event and where she thinks Seyona might have gone but also works to hinder and weaken the PCs. She wants them to be easy prey when she betrays them.
Mariska makes use of a veiling mirror she stole from Seyona (a new magic item introduced in this module), to conceal her own aura and disguise the appearance and aura of others. The item has other powers to protect against divinations, but they only function for a follower of Sivanah. It has uncanny influence over the living illusions, for whom substance follows form.
Reading the twisting runes on one of several buried monoliths provides a passage back to the First Veil, while anyone trying to dig up artifacts or wandering lost in the desert too long falls through a sinkhole into the Third Veil.
The Third Veil
Characters arriving here find the area supernaturally dark. Occasional lightning travels through rocks and passages, providing brief illumination, but electrocutes PCs not quick on their feet. Invisible pathways cut back and forth between stone pillars and over chasms, and characters can find themselves standing on empty air with no clear direction to dodge the lightning. The lightning becomes more frequent and destructive as the end of the planar event approaches. The only safe place is at the cavern’s center, where moonlight streams in from above.
A cleric of Zon-Kuthon was trapped here and faded into a living illusion decades ago. He has caught and has been tormenting several fleeing guests. He taunts the PCs to rescue them, letting glimpses slip of their locations and suffering. He may drive guests mad and set them loose on the PCs. The prisoners’ cries for help are magnified by the cavern’s echoes, but one slip in the rush to rescue them might send a character plummeting.
Moonlight illuminates a stone calendar and a staircase up to the Fourth Veil. Perceptive characters will notice clues in the shadows cast by the light. Shifting the calendar appropriately brings forth the noonday sun and a path back to the Second Veil. Characters falling into the chasm awaken an hour later in the Sixth Veil.
The Fourth Veil
The estate and streets outside are filled with illusory revelers. Costumed dancers eagerly invite the PCs to join in celebrating and present them with grand entertainments and delicious confections. Careful examination reveals that the people here have reflections that are bleached of color and shadows that don't quite match their bodies. If the PCs linger or attempt to partake in the festival, they risk falling under its glamer.
The illusions here engage in contests of wits, duels, games, and other challenges to win secrets from each other. Secrets won are stripped from the loser. Several party guests wander aimlessly here, having lost their own names and identities. The PCs may find Aran here if they haven’t kept a close watch on him, and winning back his name will earn them gratitude and a handsome reward upon escape. The inhabitants here grow more dangerous and insane as the planar alignment progresses, until the challenges and stakes verge on the suicidal.
A drunken illusory gynosphinx (Bestiary 1) offers a reward of bottled memories for answering her riddle. Guests and PCs exposed to it becomes lost in nostalgia and return to their senses in the Fifth Veil.
The mirrors in the dining room and dance hall show the reflection of events in the First Veil. Touching one of these mirrors shifts the character there.
The Fifth Veil
The estate here is crumbling into a churning void and is held together by web ropes and bridges. Phantasms from the PCs’ past appear in shadows and reflections, confusing anyone who fails to resist the effect. Visions from the estate’s past play out among the gardens and rooms, though some are fears and hopes for what might have been. A hidden chapel dedicated to Sivanah, not present in other veils, resides inside the main building and is filled with clerics who found their way here after fading into illusions. PCs well-versed in Knowledge (religion) can identify the original faith of each of these nameless lost souls, and be granted a boon or an answer to one simple question (as the commune spell). The web ropes in this area break and this area falls apart over the course of the festival, until only the chapel remains.
Seyona escaped Mariska’s betrayal and struggled this far but, without her spellbooks or any other resources, she is on the verge of physical and mental collapse. She has been captured by several illusory heretics, who are torturing her when the PCs arrive. If the PCs save her, she proves an invaluable source of information. If they can recover her spellbooks, she can aid them. If Mariska accompanied the PCs, she will advocate killing or leaving Seyona, while Seyona rages at her treachery. If the PCs turn against Mariska, it’s revealed to be a living illusion she imprinted her image on using the veiling mirror.
A boon from one of the illusionary clerics may return the PCs to the First Veil when they exit the chapel. Anyone falling into the abyss awakens in the Sixth Veil an hour later.
The Sixth Veil
Any PCs entering this veil find themselves endlessly floating through a surreal realm filled with countless windows, looking out upon the world. They show the world viewed from the many mirrors on the estate. Characters can move freely with a flight speed based on their Intelligence. Illusion spells are solid here and can craft anything the caster desires, for a time. A small school of voidworms (Bestiary 2) make their home here and will assist anyone that impresses them through creativity or wit.
Some windows depict the truth, while others are comforting lies or terrifying visions of fears come alive. Smashing a window allows a character to move through it, though false realities trap the character for a time until he or she realizes the lie.
Characters that arrive here from falling in the Third or Fifth Veils are unconscious for an hour and awake weakened. This place saps a character’s strength rapidly. It allows movement to any illusory location in the palace other than the sealed tower.
The presence of a greater mystery can be sensed here, but the Seventh Veil lies outside mortal reach.
Escape
The PCs must gain access to the palace’s great spire in the First Veil to escape. Water from a sacred font at the pinnacle can free them from the illusions. Opening the spire door may accelerate the end of the planar conjunction, and PCs ascending the spire may see the world below collapse into the Maelstrom. If the PCs are with Seyona, her signet ring can open the door, but the rakshasas throw their remaining forces at the PCs once the seal breaks. The PCs must hold off the attacks to safely move any survivors up the stairs. If Mariska believes her minions will fail, she may try to sneak past, avoiding a direct confrontation. However, she will do whatever it takes to avoid being trapped in this realm when it closes.
If the PCs are with Mariska, she ambushes them at the tower door. If her minions don’t quickly dispatch the PCs, she uses the ring to enter the tower and save herself, while her followers unwittingly sacrifice themselves below. If the PCs aren’t quick to chase and confront her, she’ll escape into the city and return another day for revenge.
When battling Mariska, if the PCs have managed to learn her true identity and kept theirs hidden, they gain a bonus in combat against her. Mariska uses the veiling mirror to turn the living illusions here into copies of herself to aid her, but will drop it if forced to reveal her true form. Seyona or the PCs can use the mirror to turn the illusions back upon Mariska.
Conclusion
A brief standoff occurs if Seyona survived, as she is torn between her duty to keep this place secret and her gratitude to the PCs. Gentle words can sway her or the situation may come to bloodshed.
When the planar event ends, anyone who drank from the sacred font returns to the physical world. If Seyona lives, she begs the PCs and guests to keep her family’s secret, offering generous rewards. If the PCs assent, the guests they saved follow their lead. Seyona will become a friend and ally and use her contacts to assist them. If they refuse, she takes no hostile action, but she and her home are plunged into scandal, leaving her bitter and looking for someone to blame.
An investigation into the sewers beneath the city uncovers a protean incursion. They were released into Quantium long ago by the failed efforts of an arclord hoping to crack open the Refuge of Nex. The proteans have gathered near Seyona’s estate because of its proximity to the Maelstrom and are trying to cut the entire city loose from Golarion, dooming Quantium and all its inhabitants to fall into the Maelstrom’s churning depths.
Initial Impression: Thinning fabric between the worlds? OK, this one is second to Pedro's for initial coolness. This one grabbed me right away. Plus, an adventure set against the backdrop of a festival is really great. Several Pathfinder APs have used this idea, from the Demonscar ball in the original Shackled City AP to many later ones. It's just great roleplaying and great fun. You've got me interested. The veils is a great idea, but I'm not sure this is fleshed out enough. I don't know. I'm going to have to think about this one. That is one killer idea. The illusion stuff is really tricky. But this one has some serious potential. I'm going to have to see how this shakes out when I dig into all of these submissions. Darn it, if you guys aren't making it hard on us this year. These are some really good submissions. I'm going to have to spend some time with these. Great work, Matt!
Creative Director
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First of all, congratulations on making it to the final round! That's an accomplishment in and of itself! My review of the proposal (as with the other three proposal reviews) focuses primarily upon how the proposal fits into the Inner Sea region, how interesting the proposal is as a whole, and any potential changes/trouble spots we’ll need to have addressed should the proposal end up winning. I'm going to present feedback with very little sugar-coating as well, since I've always felt that frank and honest feedback is more valuable.
Title: Good title. It evokes what it should without using made-up words (like “Sivanah”) that might confuse the casual customer. It also lets you know what kind of adventure it’s going to be with no spoilers.
Location: Nex! This one’s tricky. It’s a place that Erik Mona has put a lot of thought into, not all of it currently available for public consumption. That means any adventure set in Nex will need to comply with a fair amount of in-house plans and elements that a freelancer simply won’t know about, and for which we don’t have written documents to share. That said, Nex is definitely a place that’s captured a lot of interest, and while developing an adventure set in Nex has a particular extra challenge to it, for the right adventure I think it’s worth it! The BIG problem is that the adventure itself doesn’t really have much at all in opportunities to interact with Quantium or Nex, which feels like enough of a missed opportunity that I think the adventure’s location should change to somewhere less exotic. The focus of the adventure—the veils—is exotic enough that it steals the show anyway, so setting the estate somewhere like Absalom or Katapesh where we’ve been many times before is probably going to be a required change.
Plot: An adventure that combines some fun roleplaying opportunities with a sort of mini-plane hopping theme. Very interesting! Lots of possibility here.
- 1) Love the location and the central event that kicks the adventure off! The veils are a really imaginative and interesting element, and they’ll make use of the expanded sie of the module well.
- 2) The idea of the PCs dressing in costume to keep an eye on a troublemaking brother is great! Lots of fun roleplay potential here! I admit that I have a soft-spot in my heart for adventures that involve unique roleplaying opportunities. Adventures set during plays, feasts, trials, and other big social events open up a whole new range of encounter and roleplay possibilities, and using a masquerade is an excellent way to get this adventure started.
- 3) I like how each of the Veils overlap and represent different realities, and how characters move from one to the other. This method of presenting the different realities will really help address possible concerns I have regarding maps and shifting realities, as mentioned in Development Concern #5.
- 4) The fact that the Seventh Veil is “outside mortal reach” is very in-keeping with Sivanah’s personality and mythos.
- 5) And while I’m on the topic of Sivanah, I’m stoked to see her get some attention; we don’t know much about her yet (well... I do... but that’s beside the point), but this adventure would give us a great excuse to learn more.
- 1) Using the word “heroes” instead of “PCs” is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Not all adventuring parties consist of heroes.
- 2) The bonus location for this adventure needs to be associated with the adventure somehow. If we do end up setting it in Nex, a great bonus location would be a gazetteer of Quantium itself... but that’s a can of worms I’m not sure I’m ready to open. One obvious nomination would be some notes on what the Seventh Veil actually is. Another possibility is to present the Material Plane manor as this location.
- 3) Watch out with the hyperbole, and don’t go too over the top with the nature of the locations and NPCs the PCs are going to face. As an exmaple—the idea of a group of rakshasa preparing to secretly invade Quantium is pretty cool, but it seems almost like it might be wasted on a lower level adventure—this almost seems ripe for the plot of a much higher level adventure to me. The adventure is set in one of the Inner Sea region’s most wild and high-magic and diverse cities... but it’s still only for 5th level characters.
- 4) A clockwork golem is a specific type of golem from Bestiary 2. They are also CR 12 monsters. I assume from your reference to Bestiary 3 you mean clockwork constructs. An important distinction!
- 5) The nature of the planar overlays and how they interact with maps could make things really complex. Make sure you don’t outpace your ability to map the locations of a planar shifting estate with the creativity of your encounters! Also, be wary of the temptation to have the PCs explore the same map over and over, even if there are subtle differences each time they visit a location.
- 6) I’m not fond of the “living illusion” template, especially since there are lots of ways the game allows this already, most notably via spells like shadow conjuration, shades, and simulacrum. In addition, one of the advantages of using a new monster in an adventure is that you then get to use a short stat block in your adventure—when your new monster is a template, this can often INCREASE the number of full stat blocks you’ll need to include. This ended up being a pretty significant development challenge for last year’s winning RPG Superstar adventure, as the need for full stat blocks for all sorts of templated creatures ended up not leaving enough room for other important information the adventure should probably have presented. I would MUCH rather just use real monsters instead of illusory ones in the adventure as they are encountered. I’d rather see this adventure’s new monsters either be new outsiders from the Maelstrom, or something associated with Sivanah’s faith.
- 7) There’s a certain amount of thematic similarities between this adventure and “The Harrowing.” Make sure this adventure is different enough from the setup and presentation of “The Harrowing” so that it doesn’t feel like it’s ripping the previous adventure off. The proposal seems like it’s probably got this covered fine, but I wanted to mention it anyway.
- 8) The “core rakshasa” remains the standard rakshasa, despite the fact that Bestiary 3 introduced several lower CR rakshasas. It’s one thing for one of these lower CR ones to show up in an adventure, but when you have an adventure whose entire plot is about a rakshasa invasion, it feels a little weird to me that there’s not a single “core rakshasa” in the adventure. This, combined with #3 above, almost makes me think that if this adventure wins, we should adjust the level it’s being written for to something like 9th level or above. I don’t think doing so would significantly alter the adventure’s plot, and in fact would STRENGTHEN the plot, which is a good reason in and of itself to raise the level a bit.
- 9) Some of the methods by which characters can travel between veils are pretty easy to accidentally activate, such as by falling into a chasm. This means that the PCs are possibly going to end up being separated a lot. That makes for awkward game play. Try to engineer the methods by which one travels from veil to veil work such that the entire group is transported rather than just one PC, especially if there’s not an obvious and immediate way back to the previous veil.
- 10) Some of the veils don’t seem to have any real purpose but to present challenges to the PCs. It’d be nice if in order to decipher the entire hidden history of the place and/or to figure out how to escape there’s something the PCs need to accomplish in each veil.
- 11) I’m not all that sure at the end of it all that this adventure NEEDS to be set in Nex, unfortunately. There’s really not a lot of specific Nex stuff going on, since so much of the adventure takes place inside the estate and the veils. Honestly... switching the location to somewhere equally cosmopolitan but not so “uncharted” is probably not a bad idea. Katapesh and Absalom both would work fine, and that would allow us a lot more room to give proper presentations of the seven veils without having to do a big Quantium gazetteer that would have a large number of complexities involved in pulling off. Furthermore, I can’t help but think if players who’ve been waiting for years for a chance to check out Nex might be disappointed by the fact that this adventure really doesn’t allow them to interact with the city or the nation at all.
I’m a little disappointed that this adventure isn’t the right one to finally develop and reveal Quantium, but that’s fine—we can do stuff with Quantium later. My disappointment is more than mollified by the proposal itself. It's really imaginative, uses some cool monsters we’ve not done much with lately, and has several cool NPCs the PCs get to meet and interact with. The variety of locations makes for a lot of cool adventuring styles (and art!). Overall, I think this proposal has a LOT of potential.
I recommend "The Seven Veils Masquerade" for consideration as the winner of RPG Superstar 2013.
Final Analysis: Even after chewing on all the submissions and thinking about all of them, this one remains one of the two that I really think should be in the final running. The veils almost have a Queen of the Demonweb Pits kind of vibe to them, which I like. Problem is, much like that classic adventure, I think the veils here can come to seem contrived and like a repeated meme that gets tiresome to the adventurers. Love the title, by the way. And I really think you have the mojo to design adventures.
Strangely, in my view this year's final proposals come down to yours and Steven's and the two highlight a classic conflict: I think yours has a bit more mojo, but won't work out quite as well in final form, whereas Steven's, while lacking as much mojo, is more professional and ready. Experience in this contest (and in publishing) has taught me that the better adventures come from the one that is a bit more professional and ready rather than the one that has a touch more special sauce.
While I do recommend this one as one of the final two to be considered, if I am being honest I have to say my belief is that this idea, while cool, won't translate as well to a finished product as The Golden Watch. Again, as I've said before, I'm not judging Matt the person, I am only judging this submission. You've had a great run and there is no doubt that you, for sure, will have a ton of work in the industry ahead of you if you want it. You know I personally am a huge fan.
I DO RECOMMEND this submission as one of the two that should be considered as the final winner of RPG Superstar 2013.
Contributor; Publisher, Kobold Press; RPG Superstar Judge
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Premise and Style: A party and masquerade with multiple levels of reality and treacherous rakshasa. Great premise for heavy roleplaying, and enough combat to keep it lively. Cool locations and amazing scenery.
Writing: Good prose throughout, though by the end of the Seventh Veil the structure of the piece was working against it. There’s a sense that the first two or three layers are wonderful and mysterious and compelling for the players. By the time we hit layer seven, I suspect some players will be frustrated and bored. The structure is a little too tight and unforgiving.
Novelty/Originality/Cool Factor: Everything in the multi-planes and costumes to the rakshasa is visually rich and potential for roleplaying encounters is high, but at a certain point it hits me in the opposite way that it hits James: I’ve seen a LOT of masquerades and a lot of plane-hopping, and at a certain point they usually feel a little gimmicky. They need some grounding, something very raw or urgent or concrete to keep them from spinning away into layer after layer of whimsy and invention, but with a sense of not much at the core.
Clark said “Several Pathfinder APs have used this idea, from the Demonscar ball in the original Shackled City AP to many later ones.” And he’s right, we’ve seen this approach fairly often. Perhaps too often.
Entertainment & Plotting: While I think the veils are entertaining for the GM more than for the players, there’s certainly things for the party to do, many of them involving reacting to events. I have a hard time imagining the players taking this adventure off the rails, because the rails seem almost airtight, veil 1, 2, 3, etc.
There’s a sense that the player characters don’t have a lot of control over events here, and they pretty much are going to keep their hands inside the roller coaster for the whole ride. The elements are very cool, but it’s much more of a GM’s candy shop than one for the players.
Recommendation: I love the prose, I like the roleplaying potential, and there’s a lot of design talent on the encounter level. However, this pitch needed to be less about illusions and layers, and a little more about player choices or it starts to get a little too ephemeral for my taste. That’s a very high-level problem to have, but at this stage, high-level and sophisticated problems are what distinguish the entries.
I enjoy the pitch, and yet think it would make a better short story than adventure. I remain confident Matthew will do good work in future, though I can’t quite get behind this one as the finalist.
I DO NOT RECOMMEND this as one of my two picks.
I like the illusion-realm aspects of this adventure and the masquerade ball. I like that there are multiple layers to the illusory realm and multiple ways to let the PCs slip from one to the next.
This is a very convoluted adventure with a lot of scene-switching and it'll take a skilled GM to ensure it makes sense and the PCs are sufficiently confused to maintain the feel of the adventure but not so confused that they become lost as to what they're supposed to do. I echo James's concern about the PCs becoming separated in different veils.
This adventure is very self-contained, which means it's good for a Pathfinder Module (it doesn't need to link to other adventures), but I think it would be easy for a novice GM to be utterly blindsided by the non-traditional nature of this adventure. I like the idea of it, but I worry that running it would be difficult.
I of the two "alternate reality/dream realm/illusion realm" adventure proposals this year, I think this one is more difficult from a GMing perspective, and because the point of the Modules line is to provide easy-to-use complete adventures for GMs, I think that makes this the weaker candidate for RPG Superstar. However, this year we're switching to the 64-page format, so perhaps using some of those additional pages for extra support material for this sort of thing is exactly what this adventure needs... but I am still hesitant about choosing this one.
Matthew, I've been critical of your work in previous rounds, and I said you needed to bring your "A" game for Round 5. I think you've done that with this adventure proposal... but I'm not sure your average GM can handle it. It's like having a really convoluted movie script (like Inception or The Usual Suspects) and hoping that an average director and cast can pull it off.
As it stands, I do not recommend this proposal for RPG Superstar 2013... but maybe the voters will want the high-concept mess-with-your-mind adventure. Good luck!
It was cool being one of the top 32 and I’ve enjoyed watching the rest of the competition play out. It’s great to be part of a community that inspires such creativity. I was blown away reading all four adventure proposals; compared to other years I don’t remember seeing four equally strong module ideas such as these.
I wanted to throw in my two coppers, though wiser heads than mine will no doubt offer better insight. I wrote an initial review based on my own reaction, then a secondary review after having read the judges’ comments.
The Seven Veils Masquerade
Good
-My favourite two titles were The Seven Veils Masquerade and The Scrollmaster’s Ransom.
-One of the most ambitious concepts, alongside the later parts of Through The Dream Sands. Seems to me one of the best treatments I’ve seen on turning illusion magic into a rollicking adventure. On further consideration, it’s perhaps the only treatment I’ve seen on such a topic, probably because most people feel they wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I’m pretty sure Matthew’s been successful though.
-PCs creating stuff in the Sixth Veil. That sounds really fun; a little bit of temporary wish fulfilment on the part of the players. Plus the temporary reversal of illusions helping rather than thwarting is a good change-up.
-I like the potential complexity of the ending (something several proposals shared). It sounds like Marika’s got a strong chance of escape, and there are lots more hooks to further adventure to boot.
Not Necessarily Good
-An adventure based on illusion. Yikes, will it lead to all out GM-Player warfare on how illusion interpretation? Having read through the proposal, my conclusion is probably not.
-There seems to be a lot of potential for PCs to slip into separate veils, splitting the party and making all involved weep like children.
After Reading Judges Comments
James – get a move on then, and give us some more stuff about Nex to play with!
Wolfgang – masquerade overkill. I feel the same to some degree
SKR – too crazy for average-joe GM. Perhaps, but it’d be a shame if more ambitious adventures didn’t see print for fear of overwhelming GMs. Although I make this observation from the point of view of a GM, who whilst no master, has probably graduated from novice level by now.
Template Fu is performing a cursory scan through prior to in depth reading at the weekend, hopefully a few thought provokers here for you :)
First impression feedback and thoughts...( actually they started out like that and I kind of went overboard as usual >.< ):
Hmm, treasure to include the Many Layered Veil perhaps?
Rakshasa - love em.
Title says "Seven" but there seem to be only "Six" - I would have pulled out the seventh to a separate bolded label containing the comment about it being out of reach - the initial disparity kind of threw me for a moment or seven :P
A multitudinous collection of potential NPCs to keep straight - unfortunately, although balls/parties/etc are fun, they are an awful lot of extra work for the GM and may dissuade some GMs from purchasing such an adventure.
Illusion magic, tough, but that's a good swing for the fence - GMs like myself would look at this as an opportunity to try something new and also really get to grips with illusion rules in game.
Setting - again, good swing by choosing a less fleshed out (to the public at least) setting, I don't know Nex at all, hope that is of similar flavor to Katapesh, which for me would seem a more popular setting choice with current publications available.
Although the lower CR Rakshasa have been mentioned, you could have played to the less explored early life of such creatures - do they have packs/nurseries? how often do they mate? how dangerous are Rak-kittens? do they come in litters? does only the striongest survive to adulthood? etc ;) - with such a theme, the opportunity to expand on the life cycle of such creatures would make for good extra content possibilities in the module.
A very solid entry which does make my wallet twitch and want to open :)
And that's my lunchbreak - next review to appear later this evening.
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka burrahobbit
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I really, really like the atmosphere of this proposal. I can see the veils and the shifting between them as portrayed in some kind of experimental film. Mariska and Sayona are good characters to interact with. My biggest concern is the movement between the veils, not only because of the possibility that different PCs could end up in different veils (something both Jameses pointed out), but also because a series of puzzles required to advance, without a clear idea of the payoff, can be a real turn-off to some players and groups. All in all, though, good work!
Stealing a page from Clark-narks playbook I'll be posting a first impression then a more in depth review. We'll start with 3 basic questions before moving on reading everything and giving a detailed review.
First Impression:
At its heart roleplaying games are about telling an entertaining story that the players get star in. Does your proposal do that? Gives me a Eyes Wide Shut vibe, funky masks hidden plots, possible orgy, then it turns more into a dungeon crawl. Sory doesn't quite grab me so Maybe
Would I enjoy playing it? Likely yes, I'm a monkey wrench nutso player and breaking this would be fun.
Would I enjoy running it? Look reading the 7 layers gets tedious, running it? Not the kind of thing I like to run...
All of the proposals were very nice ... but this one clearly stood out for me. You have my vote, sir. Well done. Best of luck in the voting!
I would love the chance to get to play this. It sounds like a blast! However, there is no way in heck I would trust myself to run it. I've only been running any games since September, and Pathfinder since December so I'm very much the target audience. If your target is novices well then this adventure is a bust.
On the other hand! I don't necessarily agree with the idea of only targeting novices, and I have already stated that I want to play in this adventure! It would be a good opportunity for a GM to flex their game mastery muscles. I don't yet know where my vote is going, but this one is definitely being considered.
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Congratulations Matthew,
First off I want Ziv's veil to be in any PC I take through this. :)
I like that this is a dungeon crawl without being a dungeon crawl. Room-to-room replaced by veil-to-veil, with progessed limited by appropriate amount of testing or knowledges. The veils as written are pretty small, with one encounter on each, though it would be possible for a party to spend a week exploring any of the later veils (probably why you have some time-limit conjunction.) Illusions are underplayed and this would be a great opportunity to learn/play them more. The illusion monster template also has me intrigued with visions of the Hirogen's (of ST: V) or Rimmer (of Red Dwarf).
Nice job.
As the PCs get swept up in this when they're in costume, there's a pretty good chance that they'll be without their normal equipment. Not such a problem for the monk or wizard, but hard for the dwarf tank or the cavalier.
This is probably my second favorite submission. I really love the name -- it's probably my favorite of all four (though I'm glad none of them are an "of the" construction).
I love the masquerade start. I agree with a lot of the judges that those types of role-playing situations are a lot of fun. Though Mudfoot does raise a good point. Perhaps the intro could be tweaked to say Aran sometimes provokes fights, and suggests the PCs may need to be ready to defend him? (Either that, or give them a chance to find some gear they can use for the duration of the conjunction -- perhaps some sort of illusionary gear? That could actually be really cool too. You could find a way to let them spend X amount of gold on gear, but it's all shadow conjuration so only partially effective?)
The veils seem neat -- someone else suggested Pedro's adventure was reminiscent of "Inception," but I thought this really was. Layer within layer.
For me, though, the Jalmeray/Vudra aspects feel really odd. James notes that the adventure plays in Nex without every really doing anything there, and maybe should be moved to a different location, but to me unless it's moved to Jalmeray, those are going to feel odd. It feels random to me that a rakshasa/maharajah's cult is getting involved in this. I think I'd rather see a naga, reflecting its association with one of Sivanah's veils.
Alternatively, you could introduce the new, unknown race as your new monster, though I don't know if TPTB would want a freelancer to define that seventh/true form even if it wasn't made explicit that that's what it was.
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Very cool concept, really interesting execution. Attention, Paizo: This is exactly the kind of product I'd love to see - particularly with the new full 64 pages, which can give you room and breathing space to give new rules and extra guidance on running something new and complicated.
Because here's the thing: I like my adventures to be new, weird, and complicated. That's what I look for most in new material - that's the stuff I can't duplicate myself.
There's a lot here I really like, including the theme and the major NPCs. My biggest concern is that the overall product, when actually played through, may feel somewhat incoherent. From the player's side, this feels to me like a whole lot of bouncing around randomly, without much sense of direction or clear goal. I'm going to reread and see how well I think it holds together. But at any rate, it'll be a really tough choice between this and Steven's "Golden Watch."
Kudos on a marvelous run and an excellent entry!
Och. Another masquerade! But wait.... the masquerade to end all masquerades. I admit the submission got a bit lengthy and convoluted, and the illusions are problematic for me personally...still this is easily in my top two with Pedro's Through the Dream Sands...
I don't have much to say, which in this case is a good thing. Wonderful proposal Matt, from start to finish - I agree it could be moved locationwise, but I could also see a minor flavor tweak to the background to situate this where you have it. Well done, good luck and congratulations on making the top 4!
My first impression is that I love the setup for this adventure. I love how the party goes into it expecting something minor, and eventually surfaces for air later having found themselves way over their heads. It's truly fantastic, which is something I want in my games.
There are of course, problems, too. As mentioned above, the monsters and setting you picked aren't right for the level scope of the adventure. And you've used the trope of "a festival, and then adventure" that I think we need a bit of a break from.
I also note, like several people have said above, that splitting up the party is going to be a huge problem in this adventure. As written, it feels like it would be a fantastic single-player adventure, however, which is an interesting direction.
Overall, I really liked it. You've proved you deserved your spot in the top 4.
Also, sorry for not commenting at a reasonable time in the competition. I've been swamped.
Thank you very very much everyone who voted for me! I'm so excited to have gotten here and had this opportunity. And thank you to the judges. I'm incredibly grateful for the feedback.
Apologies if I ramble. A bit ill, so my thinking may be a bit off.
I decided to go for it with this one. My initial drafts were much less complicated and less dynamic, but I'd been called out on playing it too safe in prior rounds.
I love illusions, and I knew going in I absolutely wanted to do something with Sivanah. Much like with round 2, I found something in the game there isn't a ton of information about, and I want to write in that space just so there will be more. The same with Quantium. The stories about Nex and Geb, the Mana Wastes, Arazni, were my favorite parts from reading the campaign setting.
Quantium seemed like the perfect place to intersect the different elements I wanted. It's one of the few places you're likely to encounter followers of Sivanah, the diverse population seemed a match for the Seven Veils Festival, and the unstable reality from Nex's extradimensional experiments fit the space I wanted to run the adventure in. And I just want there to be more about Quantium. I initially had a big prelude about the PCs having adventures in the city on Evoking Day before getting to the masquerade, and after feedback maybe I should have done that as the bonus location. There'd been comments in previous years, such as Cult of the Ebon Destroyers, where the proposal had received a ding for not jumping right to the main event. I think Quantium could be worked into the narrative of the main story more, with Seyona's home being smaller and parts of the escape attempt requiring travel around the city. I balked a bit since there's not much info about the geography. I should have bitten the bullet and started making up streets and locations. Regret not doing that now.
Some of the elements of the adventure seemed to cause a little confusion. I had some dangling threads that were present to show how the different elements had come together to create this particular scenario. Seyona is an adopted Vudrani for example, because adoption seemed like a great way to bring someone into a secret organization without worrying about that person having outside contacts to divulge information to. I wanted her to be Vudrani to both add diversity to the mainly Garundi cast, and because a cultural element mentioned for the Vudrani is that they abandon unwanted daughters.
This sets up a point of vulnerability for the rakshasa to exploit. The mention of Jalmeray and the maharajah were to provide some background for where the rakshasa had come from, and to leave potential hooks for later adventures a group might have, such as investigating Seyona's parents' deaths for her, which might lead to the larger conspiracy. It's not integral to this story, but I think it helps the GM understand the characters and potentially build his or her own story and add more narrative or hooks.
Again, I'm so thrilled to be here. Getting to write this out and get feedback on it was wonderful. For every idea I managed to squeeze into the proposal I had to drop so many more. Creating new people and places, and getting to have that shared experience with other people is my favorite thing in the world. So thank you everyone. I hope I can keep it going :-)
Now that we can discuss, please ask questions!
Ooo..what about the big question everyone seems to be asking...did you take into account how a party could easily get separated? If not, how would you address this?
Ooo..what about the big question everyone seems to be asking...did you take into account how a party could easily get separated? If not, how would you address this?
I'm sure there's room for improvement there, but part of my intention was to make separation part of the challenge.
The majority of threats in the Veils are nonlethal. It's intended as a secure place to keep people with secrets, and if they die they effectively escape. So the base elements are trying to incapacitate, trap, and delay the party while the time until the Festival ends ticks away.
Now the rakshasas and clockwork constructs complicate that, but they are largely encountered in dangerous numbers in the first veil, where things are relatively close to normal.
So the idea is that you can get separated, or intentionally split up to explore and it's not a death sentence as it might be in more combat focused adventures. Making good use of communication spells like message or whispering wind will help to keep everyone in touch, and the sixth veil provides a risky way to regroup by searching through the different windows to find your companions.
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Before I begin, I will admit that I am not a big fan of the masquarade. I think this has to do with the face that I have been play testing alot of material, and masquarade balls seem to be used way to much.
I do agree with the judges that the RP potential is huge, I am just getting sick of masquarades. I know this is my personal opinion and thus, I did not hold it against this submission when considering who to vote for.
I did like the character Aran... a lot! Then he was gone...
I did like the possibility of seeing more of the Capitol of Nex (or atleast something cool associated with Nex, his magic, his dissapearance, a tower... something! But alas, that didnt materialize either.
All the things that interested me in the adventure background (the setting and Aran) was of little or no substance through the adventure proposal.
Sure, Aran was used to get the PC's into the compound, but after that... nothing. I could picture this guy being the main attraction of the adventure even more so than the EBG rakshasa.
a little tweaking of the intro, having the PC's meet Aran in a local pub, Aran being drunk hitting on one of the female pc's, or a male pc for that matter, things get out of hand, Aran incites a small rukus, the pc's are pulled in to the fight, then Aran's older bro comes around to hire the PC;s to watch over him and keep him safe at the Masquarade, then we have a real reason for this whole first scene of the PC's being hired to take place.
I mean, couldnt you picture this drunk and disorderly, sex starved npc leading the PC's down the dark path of each veil, and the only reason he is alive is because the PC's save him seven times over. Maybe his drunken state could make him immune to the veil's powers, and when the PC's ask him, "Did you see that!" and Aran looks, and then says to the pc's in a slurred voice, "what are you talking about? you drunk or somethin!"
getting the PC's to the masquarade seems so disjointed and empty of reason, that I dont know if the PC's would take on the job in the first place. I think this is where you have a real problem in the submission. Pc's dont take job = ooops, how does GM get them there now without looking railroady.
After this, the veils are cool, the ideas for the illusionary creatures and surveliance golems are awesome. The rakshasa is also a perfect advisary in this adventure.
The str damage inclusion, especially with 7 veils, could make a str based character very hamstrung. Using something like the LoF prison plane affecting all Lawful creatures with a -2 on all cha based skill checks would have been better in my opinion instead of periodic str damage. Each veil could affect a different stat, and once out of that veil, the points return and another stat is affected. I mean lets face it, these are 5th lvl characters, and the availability of lesser restorations are limited. And after the first veil, the characters would probably live with the -2 to a stat for the duration of the veil instead of using 2nd level spells to fix it. But they wouldnt find out about that until out of the first veil (so maybe a spell or two is wasted on the fighters, that is not so bad...) That strength damage could be a huge issue in this proposal.
I know I have rambled on, but these are the main reasons of my liking and disliking of this proposal.
Do I think this could be a cool adventure, you bet! But it does need much tweaking in my opinion.
I do hope to see you, as well as Pedro, have future input and contributions to the Modules line of PF, but Steven is the only one that gets my vote this year.
Good luck to you Matthew and congrats on making the final four! Go Wolverines!