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Tamonash Byrraju, Vengeful Monk


Round 3 - Top 16: Create a villain stat block

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 aka Vigil

Tamonash Byrraju

Portrait: 15

Description: Tamonash is a proud, regal Vudrani. Born on Jalmeray, the superiority of Vudra over the barbarians of Avistan or Garund was instilled in him from an early age. He was admitted to the Monastery of Untwisting Iron where he showed great talent, but also great disregard for aesthetics from the Inner Sea. While sparring, Tamonash's use of taboo techniques resulted in his opponent's death. For this crime, he was caste out of the monastery and disowned by his family.

Motivations/Goals: Tamonash hates the barbarians he's forced to reside amongst, and hates his own people for casting him out. He seeks power to return to Jalmeray as a conqueror.

Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks: Tamonash scours the ruins of Katapesh, Osirion and Nex for items that give power over elemental creatures, knowing the power of the bound genies that defend his homeland. Specifically, he desires rings of elemental command. Newly unearthed sites or expeditions by other organizations (such as Pathfinders, the Aspis Consortium, or the PC's) attract his attention. He tries to insinuate himself into such groups with the intention of betraying them later. Alternatively, Tamonash may have a lead on one of his desired treasures, and recruits the PC's for an expedition, again with the intention of betrayel.

Tamonash Byrraju CR 9
Male human monk (hungry ghost monk, APG pg. 110) 10
LE Medium humanoid
Init +0; Senses Perception +15

===== Defense =====
AC 16, touch 15, flat-footed 15; (+1 armor, +1 deflection, +1 dodge, +2 monk, -1 size, +2 Wis)
hp 83 (10d8+30)
Fort +10, Ref +8, Will +10; +2 vs enchantments
Defensive Abilities displacement, improved evasion, slow fall 50 ft.

===== Offense =====
Spd 60 ft.
Melee flurry of blows +14/+14/+9/+9 (2d8+6, 19-20)
Ranged heavy crossbow +7 (2d10, 19-20)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks ki pool (7 points), life funnel, Punishing Kick 10/day (DC 17), steal ki

===== Tactics =====
Before Combat Tamonash drinks his potions of enlarge person and displacement when combat is imminent. He prefers to fight against a lone enemy, but if he must battle a group, he uses an elemental gem to summon a large air elemental.
During Combat Tamonash opens combat with a Vital Strike for nonlethal damage against a flat-footed enemy, using Enforcer to intimidate that foe. He focuses on one foe at a time, flurrying when he can make a full attack or Vital Strike if his foe tries to retreat. He relies on his summoned elemental to keep other combatants at bay, using Punishing Kick to knock down anyone that does manage to get past.
Morale Tamonash is arrogant but not foolish. If reduced to 20 hp, or if his summoned elemental is defeated, he drinks his potion of invisibility and flees.
Base Statistics Str 18, Dex 12; Melee flurry of blows (1d10+5)

===== Statistics =====
Str 20, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 8
Base Atk +7; CMB +16 (+18 grapple); CMD 32 (34 vs. grapple)
Feats Dodge, Enforcer, Improved Critical (unarmed strike), Improved Feint, Improved Grapple, Improved Unarmed Strike, Intimidating Prowess, Power Attack, Punishing Kick, Toughness, Vital Strike, Weapon Focus (unarmed strike)
Skills Acrobatics +13 (+35 jump), Bluff +9, Intimidate +17, Knowledge (history) +12, Linguistics +1, Perception +15, Sense Motive +14, Swim +9
Languages Common, Vudrani
SQ high jump, maneuver training
Combat Gear 2 elemental gems (air), potion of displacement, potion of cure moderate wounds, potion of enlarge person, potion of invisibility; Other Gear bracers of armor +1, brass knuckles +1, cloak of resistance +1, ioun torch, ring of protection +1, mwk heavy crossbow, 10 bolts, 123 gp

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

Alright, David. Welcome to the round of the Top 16. The competition gets pretty fierce in ever-escalating intensity from here on out. And that's no different in how the judges review your stuff. So I'm going to dive under the hood a little and mark through this thing like I'd do if I were an editor. My comments are mostly going to come instream as I review things. And I'll spoiler them for length:

Spoiler:

Okay, first up, let's talk about your choice of villain. You're going for a hungry ghost monk, which the APG describes as someone who "...looks to spirits that prey upon the living as models of perfection..." and "...sees the life energy of the universe as a resource to be manipulated, even stealing it from other creatures." So, clearly, he's already not a nice guy, just based on that. Good choice for a villain. But what did you do to elevate your concept by drawing upon that archetype?

Well, first let's look at his description, motivation, and schemes. I'm not seeing a whole lot here in the form of a physical description. He's got a backstory full of pride and a bit of a superiority complex. Nothing all that evocative, though. You're using a lot of passive voice here with the verb "was"...telling us, rather than showing us. And, apparently, this guy used some taboo techniques, killed a guy, got "caste" (which should be "cast) out of his monastery and disowned by his family. Sounds tragic, but not exceptionally villainous. This could be the background for an evil PC. I'm just not getting a major VILLAIN vibe off of the descriptive text. He's got a lot of hate for the "barbarians" of the Inner Sea. And, apparently, he'd like to accumulate enough power to go back and conquer Jalmeray. That could be seen as villainous. Just feels a bit contrived and not as inspiring as I'd hoped to see. In addition, his schemes mostly just mention "betrayel" (which should be "betrayal") without much elaboration or specificity. It's all just left really generalized and not very immediate or dangerous.

So, let's take a look at the stat-block. First up, I notice that you've calculated a lot of this guy's statistics with his potion of enlarge person factored in. As such, you should indicate his size as Large rather than Medium. You should also designate his subtype as a humanoid...i.e., "(human)" is how it should read. After that, I'm not sure you have to indicate displacement in his Defensive Abilities, but I'm actually more concerned about listing his "slow fall" ability there. It isn't necessary. That should only appear under his Special Qualities.

Your AC and hp and saves are all spot-on after you factor in the fact that he's under the effects of enlarge person and you spent his favored class bonus on extra skill points rather than extra hit points. It looks like your flurry of blows in the Melee line is making use of the +1 brass knuckles, which should probably be cited in there as well, rather than implied. Damage and attack bonuses look solid. You did a good job factoring in the Weapon Focus and Improved Critical bonus, as well as the magic bonus for the brass knuckles. Looks like you forgot to cite your heavy crossbow as being masterwork under his Ranged attacks, though...i.e., it should have "mwk" listed before it. Also, it appears the damage is off...i.e., should be 1d10 vs. 2d10.

Space and Reach look good for an enlarged human. And your Special Attacks are mostly appropriate for a hungry ghost monk, but the ki pool should be listed under Special Qualities rather than Special Attacks. You got the size of the pool correct, though, as well as the DC and number of uses for the Punishing Kick. So, you've applied the archetype correctly. However, much like a monk with Stunning Fist, you don't need to capitalize Punishing Kick in the Special Attacks listing. Just lowercase it there, but indicate it with caps under the Feats listing. And, I think it should be written as "punishing kick (10/day, DC 17, 10 ft.)"...

Looking through the Tactics section, I notice that you're incorrectly listing magic items. Rather than just italicizing the spell names involved in a potion, you actually need to italicize the whole thing as a magic item. So, it should be a potion of enlarge person and displacement. And, you should also italicize your elemental gem, too. I like the interplay of Vital Strike for nonlethal damage to intimidate a flat-footed foe with his Enforcer feat. That adds a nice bit of flavor to an encounter rather than just cutting straight to the most optimal damage output choices. I am worried however that you've indicated he'll make flurry of blows when he can, and yet his Melee attacks don't list the stats for a single unarmed strike in the event that he can't pull off a full-round action. I think that's an oversight, but obviously you were up against word count here, so you really didn't have room for it. I actually like the use of his elemental gem in his fights, as it dovetails nicely with his schemes and goals to find rings of elemental command. Clearly, this villain wants to harness (and use) the powers of the elements in all that he does.

Before leaving the Tactics section, we need to examine your Base Statistics, though. You haven't listed all the changes that would be undone without the enlarge person effect. It should change his AC (both touch and flat-footed) as well as his Reflex save. The Initiative should return to +1. His Ranged attack should go up. And you also need to list the actual attack bonus for the flurry of blows that you've cited. Some of his Skills will also change (i.e., Acrobatics and Swim). And even the CMB/CMD will become altered. So, you're missing a significant amount of extra info that should be included here. And, for the info you did include, it's incomplete without the attack bonus for the flurry of blows.

I double-checked all of your level increases and racial bonus selection for the ability scores, as well as your feat selection and skill points. Everything works out fine math-wise there. You did leave out a lot of information that should be in the Special Qualities line for a monk, though. By my count, it should be "SQ fast movement, high jump, ki pool (7 points, lawful, magic), maneuver training, slow fall 50 ft., still mind"...

I also did a quick check on your Gear selections vs. the expected wealth of a CR 9 creature, which should be 12,750 gp. As far as I can tell, you've overspent by over 1,000 gp.

For the purposes of this round, I'm going to assess each villain according to concept, evocative description/flavor, appropriateness of the applied archetype, interesting/villainous tactics, and mechanical execution of the stat-block. So, here's how I'd rank this one:

Spoiler:

Villain Concept: Good
Flavor Text: Average
Appropriate Archetype: Excellent
Interesting Tactics: Good
Stat-Block Execution: Poor

FINAL RECOMMENDATION: I do NOT recommend this villain to advance to the next round. But best of luck in the voting.

Paizo Employee Developer

Hey David! Congrats on making it into the top 16. I'm approaching all of this round's entries with a developer's eye, as the man who will ultimately be developing the winner's Module and the top 4 contestants' Pathfinder Society Scenarios. So let's assume you're one of those four designers and this is a villain you base your adventure around. I've got your turnover on my desk; what do I do...?

Does the description match the art? Not really. This is a picture of a white guy, not a Vudrani. I'd either have to send the art back to the artist and have it redone (which we usually don't have the time to do, nor the inclination if we want to remain in good graces with our artists) or I'd need to change his ethnicity in the text to be something from Avistan. But wait! If I do that, I've got to reexamine his whole backstory about being from Jalmeray. That has the potential of knocking down all the dominos and making me rewrite the adventure.

The description seems decent for a monk villain, and I think your decision to go hungry ghost make sense. But I don't know what taboo techniques he used, nor why he was "caste"(sic) out for them. These are vital to his backstory, and players and GMs playing an adventure featuring this guy are going to want to know. This is an instance when actually defining what he did wrong would be a good choice.

The disdain for Avistan's "barbarians" seems a little unjustified by his backstory, in that it seems he was wronged (or at least would see himself as having been wronged) by his own ethnicity. Racial hatred is a strong motivation, and not a particularly innovative one for a villain, but it should always seem organic for a character, and not just something to fall back on as a general assumption.

I get a good sense of what sort of adventures PCs may face in a campaign featuring this guy, so your plots/schemes/hooks section is effective. A module based around any of these concepts would likely work well.

Mechanically, I think you have built an effective and well-balanced character. I'll leave the nitty-gritty analysis to Stephen (and probably Neil) but nothing huge screams out at me from a technical standpoint. Your problems with this are more thematic than particular in terms of the character's background and motivation.

In the end, this villain relies on caricature-level racial hatred as a motivation, and there are fairly significant art issues that would have to be addressed to make his theme fit the image, most of which could cascade into bigger design issues. You clearly know the mechanics and have shows you can make an effective villain to match a theme, but the development of that theme itself could use some improvement.

Final verdict: I DO NOT RECOMMEND this villain for advancement. Best of luck in the voting.

Cheliax Contributor

Congratulations on reaching Round Three. My job is to comment on your character concept, not the rules. Also, I’ll leave typos and low-level writing issues to the mercies of the other judges.
I’m hoping to see villains with a compelling motivation and clear goal. I’ll try to point out both strengths and weaknesses before making a simple yes/no recommendation. Good luck in the voting!

There are a lot of name-checks to Golarion in the description, and that’s good as far as it goes, but the character concept depends on his “use of taboo techniques.” That’s half a good idea. Why did he do it? His motivation for cheating is what would make him interesting.

The motivation/goals are a little better, considering the word-limit restraint. But “return ... as a conqueror” is flat without some extra detail showing why this is his goal.

I like his bigotry and wish that had been linked to some other part of his background or personality.

You have been weighed and measured:
I vote not to advance this one.

Contributor

Good name!

Whenever I see someone use the word "aesthetics," I always double-check the apparent meaning. "Aesthetics" means "principles concerned with the appreciation of beauty." A lot of people mistakenly use that word because the 1E AD&D monk description said "monks are religious aesthetics," when it was supposed to be "ascetics," meaning "those who practice severe self-discipline and abstain from indulgence." In the context of your sentence, I'm not sure which one you meant.

Your genie reference makes me think you may have confused the Indian-themed Vudra with the genie-binding Qadira/Padishah Empire of Kelesh.

Punctuation nitpick: you say PC's several times where you actually mean PCs. PC-apostrophe-s means "belonging to a PC," but you're using it to mean "a multiple increment of PC."

You put extra blank lines in the stat block format. Those lines aren't there in the provided format. That means I gotta take them back out again.

You need to italicize his magic items in the Tactics section.

CEO, Goblinworks

Summary: 1 Point
Recommendation: Not recommended for advancement

David my approach to this round was as a brand manager. I'll leave the detailed mechanical analysis to the others. If I were in charge of the product this villain would appear in, I'd be thinking the following:

Did you follow the instructions?

You gave us an angry monk and the art you picked is fine for that.

1 Point

Is this villain memorable and will it add value to my IP?

The only thing memorable about this entire submission is the use of "taboo techniques" that are apparently deadly. What, he gave the guy a double atomic wedgie or something?

Ok so he somehow kills a dude and gets exiled. And from there he becomes ... what ... apparently a raging adolescent with a power trip fantasy. Since that's the PCs role, I kept thinking of this guy as being archetypical of characters I've adventured with over the years.

Monks are tough as villains. Nothing about the class really screams "Villain!" - it's more "Mook!" unfortunately.

0 Points.

Does the villain's concept make sense within the IP?

One man against the world, with revenge in his heart. Sure, I guess, that's OK. Does he have any chance whatsoever? Not from where I'm sitting.

He hangs out with "barbarians" (I assume you mean this in the Roman sense of "uncivilized not-us people", not the game sense). But he can't stand them. So rather than seeking some place to live that he can stand (or changing his name, buying a hat of disguise and just going home), he seethes with RAGE!

Not buying it.

0 Points.

What's the twist? (All great villains have a surprise within them)

His twist is that he's fixated on arabian-themed elemental spirits.

Not Superstar.

0 Points.

Paizo Employee Designer

Howdy. I’m Stephen, and I will be one of your guest judges for this round of RPG Superstar. I’m looking at the stat block purely based on what I consider fun or interesting to run. I have a little experience with that. That means the villain should be evocative, clear, effective, and big extra credit points go for interesting. There’re a lot of good villains out there, yours needs to stand out is some way.

Out for vengeance with an AC of 16? Tamonash is going to be disappointed. I know that villains and monsters have a short lifespan in Pathfinder, but even a potion of displacement is not going to save your creation. You do know that thing only lasts 5 rounds, right? Five rounds of duration doesn’t get an invite to the defensive abilities section of the stat block, in my book.

As for the other stuff? I’m just not digging it. It’s a hodgepodge of interesting things that never come together as a whole.

Good luck with the voting, David, but I do not recommend this villain for advancement.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 8 , Marathon Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014 aka Demiurge 1138

The schemes were good. I like the idea of a ruthless patron eager to crush his hires once they're weak and burnt out by their expedition, or swooping down on rival forces to steal their relics. Beyond that, it's all downhill. The art isn't Vudrani, for starters, and his motivations are muddled. Is it racism that drives him? A lust for power? Revenge? Add to that his sad AC and the poorly integrated enlarge person, and I'm afraid that this doesn't have my vote.

A word of defense, though: Jamerlay is explicitly called out in the Pathfinder Campaign Setting as being full of genies the Vudrani there use for defense and miracle-working. So unless something huge changed in the Inner Sea Guide, the combination of Jamerlay and anti-genie measures works just fine.


Why does he hate barbarians, and why does he want to rule? If he just wants revenge he it makes more sense to just use the genies to crush the people who threw him out than to be in charge.

Spoiler:
right now I am not feeling this one.

Star Voter 2013

For once I think I agree with Neil, and the passive was overused* in your description. Overuse of passive may not have been the only issue here, but the text is rather uninspiring, and I'm not feeling his motivation.

*(guilty)

Qadira RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6, Contributor , Dedicated Voter 2013

This is a decent enough concept, but I'm left wanting more in terms of back story. I'm in agreement with the judges that the genie background makes more since in the Qadira or Katapesh. Rings (plural) of element command bug me, since as magic items they're just short of epic - getting your hands on one would be a major coup, especially for a CR 9 monk.

Art choice: love the art for a monk, don't love making him Vudran. Maybe you could have tweaked it to make him a Chelaxian who's convinced the Vudrani are superior.

Stat block quibble: potions of displacement last 5 rounds. You can't really drink one in preparation for a fight, because if almost anything happens to delay that fight, you just wasted 750 gp. That should go into his tactics, a good GM will decide as to whether or not he actually has a chance to swig it before the door bursts in.

Putting this one in my no pile, but I do kind of like the guy regardless.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Why is he a hungry ghost monk? I don't really understand how it intersects with his character other than on a metagame level.

Would I run this guy in a campaign? I doubt it, except maybe as a pawn in someone else's game.

Andoran Dedicated Voter 2013

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

David,

I was kinda lukewarm on your item, or rather meh, but I did like it. I loved the concept of the First World Druid although your execution of it could have used some work.

You were one of my last choices in my voting last round.

Based on what on first glance looked like some solid choices for a villain, I just don't feel inspired by this guy.

So unfortunately, I cannot give you my vote for the next round.


David Vigil wrote:

Tamonash Byrraju

Description: Tamonash is a proud, regal Vudrani. Born on Jalmeray, the superiority of Vudra over the barbarians of Avistan or Garund was instilled in him from an early age. He was admitted to the Monastery of Untwisting Iron where he showed great talent, but also great disregard for aesthetics from the Inner Sea. While sparring, Tamonash's use of taboo techniques resulted in his opponent's death. For this crime, he was caste out of the monastery and disowned by his family.

Motivations/Goals: Tamonash hates the barbarians he's forced to reside amongst, and hates his own people for casting him out. He seeks power to return to Jalmeray as a conqueror.

Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks: Tamonash scours the ruins of Katapesh, Osirion and Nex for items that give power over elemental creatures, knowing the power of the bound genies that defend his homeland. Specifically, he desires rings of elemental command. Newly unearthed sites or expeditions by other organizations (such as Pathfinders, the Aspis Consortium, or the PC's) attract his attention. He tries to insinuate himself into such groups with the intention of betraying them later. Alternatively, Tamonash may have a lead on one of his desired treasures, and recruits the PC's for an expedition, again with the intention of betrayel.

Disclaimer:

You should know the drill by now, but in case you (somehow) missed it so far, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a (very advanced) CE aligned succubus:
Spoiler:
Fairness means both the mortals falling off the plank into the lava at the same time, balance is something a succubus weighs herself on against a sack full of bloody archon feathers to check that she hasn’t been overindulging this month, and logic means that it’s never the succubus at fault – always the incompetent idiot of a second-rate hairdresser who is incapable of living up to a succubus’ expectations. Oh: And always remember it’s a succubus’ privilege to change her mind without any warning…
;)

If a sister succubus seduces this villain or a key henchman and things take their course… Well is this villain likely to be good around a young alu-fiend?
He seems rather driven and self-obsessed. Whilst these can be admirable qualities, I suspect he'd be rather more of an ambitious 'pushy parent' (or honourary parent) than a pampering, indulgent, one.
That said, if he does succeed in carving out any sort of kingdom for himself, at least that would be a worthwhile 'family business' to one day hand on.

Should a succubus tip off any organisations as to the identity, location, and/or activities of this person?
Ooooh. The Arclords of Nex have a beef with the Vudrani and their pesky genies. I'd wager that they'd love to link up with this fellow if they saw any chance to poke one back at Vudra over their eviction from Jalmeray.

How much money would I lend this person?
Whilst some of his goals are admirable (bringing revolution and violent conflict to his homeland as payback for his exile) I get the feeling that he might not be too good on the repayments side of any loan, and I don't know enough about him to simply throw money at him and not care if I get it back or not.
I'd go as far as lending him five hundred gold pieces on a good day, or maybe up to twenty times that if he was amenable as to suggestions of suitable candidates of enthusiastic young demonic temptresses to install in his retinue. I have a number of friends looking to get their daughters a taste of life on a Material world.

Other comments? (including fruitcake rating where appropriate)
For a murderous, treacherous, taboo-breaking monk, I'm mildly amused that he's portrayed as still being over on Asmodeus' side of the ethics issue.
I'm unclear if 'caste out' is a deliberate witticism or a scribing error, but not much bothered by it.

Rating on the Gulga-Bracht supersuccubus scale of villainy:
6 (minor warlord or equivalent)

Further Disclaimer:
Ask A RPGSupersuccubus (still with half an eye on Lord Orcus) would once again like to clarify that mortal voters should probably rely on more than just her own (impeccable) assessments in making up their minds on how to vote. Thank You.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter 2013

To me the idea of prodigy being exiled for being boastful/proud/reckless etc. and then returning as a revenge seeking villain is over done. If you had some development here beyond that over-employed motivation, like a team-up with an actual elemental, or a summoner with an elemental theme, you'd be alright. As it is, there's not a lot here that's new, cool or evocative.

Shadow Lodge

You really threw around your Golarion weight with your First World Druid, and then you pull out this guy and I'm... left feeling rather cold. First and foremost, beyond what others have mentioned, when I think of Vudrani that portrait is NOT it.


Dang, I really like your first-world druid. What happened?

A raging monk doesn't sit well with me. If he had a few levels in monk and then started taking levels in another class (since his alignment should be CE or at least NE) then I would find him very interesting. As is he's forced and a poor choice thematically. If he sought to conquer his homelands for their own good and to spread his forbidden teachings I'd say spot on.

Note: I do NOT say spot on.

Mechanically he's a horrible CR 9. A single Dispel Magic takes away his only interesting defense, displacement. His singular focus on Str instead of Dex or Wis means he's a monk who's easy to hit and his damage output still doesn't stack up to a CR 9 since he will not be large for very long and no one who knows he's a monk will stand there and let him get a full round of attacks on them. Punishing Kick is great on someone who's large, , , and has Combat Reflexes. He doesn't even have Lunge or Deflect Arrows!

Sad to say he doesn't feel like a would be conqueror nor does he mechanically stack up to be a CR 9 challenge.

Better luck next year.


Just seems like a character who is power hungry. Meh.

I'm also not sure what the archetype has to do with anything.

When I read "taboo techniques" that could have been interesting, but was never explained.

Sorry, I can't vote for this one.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014 aka Standback

David,

Best of luck with your villain entry! Here's my thoughts, written before I've read anybody else's.

Concept: I'm afraid I found this concept extremely underwhelming. Tamonash is presented as a generic "I hate everybody" person; you don't present much of a personality beyond that. Nor does he seem to have anything unique about him - how would you desribe Tamonash as being distinct from any other Hungry Ghost Monk? The "use of taboo techniques" bit could have been a promising springboard to something better-defined, but you didn't focus on that beyond that one phrase, and his overarching goal is very broad and uninteresting.

Plot Hooks: I really like the idea of a villain who comes across the PCs by trying to go on treasure delves with them. That's a cool way to get a villain in the game.

But bear in mind that this is the only hook you've given the GM to bring Tamonash into the game. It's the only direct, immediate goal you've given him. So... how is a real PC group going to see your villain? An NPC tagging along with them (proud and regal? deliberately servile, to gain their trust? you don't say), then at the end he tries to steal their treasure and run. Is that how you intend the villain to be used? Is that the be-all and end-all of it? And if it is, or is even central - then why is a Hungry Ghost Monk the right person for the job? Even round 2's treasure-hunters or crooked men would have been more appropriate. I just don't see why you consider this hook to be a good match for this villain.

Mechanics: I don't have much to add here; I like your tactics, which are detailed and clearly very individual to Tamonash.

Use of Archetype: I liked that you made the archetype serve as the original cause and motivation behind Tamonash's villainy. That's a nice little twist on the contest rules.

Use of Portrait: The portrait doesn't shout out any of your core concepts for me. Is this guy even Vudrani? Do monks wear collars on their shirts? It's not a huge stretch, but it's far from an easy match.

All in all, my impression was that you didn't find an intriguing core for your villain. There's no overt flaw in any of the details, but I simply don't see what about him you might expect gamemasters or players to find unusual or exciting. I also feel that at a very immediate level, you have not succeeded in presenting your character's different aspects (hungry ghost monk; works with elementals; betrays treasure-hunters) as meshing together into a coherant whole. Sorry to be giving you such a negative review - I'd love to hear your own comments after voting ends, and get a better sense of what you were aiming for :)

Wishing you lots of luck! :)

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014 aka Standback

Mark Moreland wrote:
The description seems decent for a monk villain, and I think your decision to go hungry ghost make sense. But I don't know what taboo techniques he used, nor why he was "caste"(sic) out for them. These are vital to his backstory, and players and GMs playing an adventure featuring this guy are going to want to know.

And several others had raised the point. I thought the "taboo techniques" were a clear call-out to the Hungry Ghost techniques, e.g.:

APG wrote:
Steal Ki (Ex): At 5th level, a hungry ghost monk can steal ki from other creatures, though this ability is controversial in some circles of monks, who see it as nothing less than a form of vampirism.

I'm pretty sure this was the intention. As I said, I liked the fact that being the archetype is what caused him to become a villain, rather tan the other way around.

Osirion RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter 2013, Dedicated Voter 2014 aka Steven T. Helt

I do not think this villain is executed well in the stat block, or in his descriptive text. In addition to the other issues presented, I am one of those guys that prefers a superpoerful magic item is the subject of mystery and incredulity. A ring that gives you ultimate vontrol over one of the elements? Adventurers should spent at least aprt of their lives believing such a thing might not even exist, much less set out at level 8-10 tryig to collect them. They aren't rare baseball cards - multiple adventuring parties should have given their lives for such a treasure, and single children who dedicated their whole lives for revenge so they can move back to a culture they don't like ought to be focused on something smaller. Like cow-tipping.

Secondly, I am not fond of presenting modifications like flurry of blows or Power Attack in stat blocks. In a canned single scneario, that's fine - it's always going to be played as such. But most of the time, I'd rather see someone's normal size and such, and let me make changes for their options. Much less work than backing those changes out if dude gets dispelled or someone Improved Steals his potion. Moreover, what are his stats if he comes back later without his potion?

Anyhoo, I don't feel this concept is sold. The villainous parts are poorly defined, so he isn't architecturalizing any evil plans. And his motivations for being a violent martial artist or racist are ill-described, so I am left making all that up on my own, if a PC ever bothered to ask before taking down a CR 9 encounter with a 16 AC.


I like the concept. I like the motivation part except for the barbians stuff.

I don't really like the schemes section. It gives me the idea that he's going back to conquer an entire region instead of giving payback to the monastery.

Typo in the description.

caste out of the monastery

It should be cast.

Grand Lodge Dedicated Voter 2013, Star Voter 2014

Various word use problems (one mentioned by the previous poster) are a bit painful to read. The author's not afraid to make him a nasty, bigoted, arrogant piece of work, which is refreshing and should be helpful, once his real nature emerges, to a GM trying to get a group properly worked up about his viciousness.

A hungry ghost monk with enlargement and Vital Strike doesn't seem like a very strongly themed combination. His elemental gems (and reluctance to use them up) tie in more tightly to his concept.


Disclaimer:
Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned (very advanced) succubus; the clarifications of the Abyssal meanings of ‘sorry’ and ‘commiserations’ which she made in the previous round don’t bear repeating here, but the Abyssal definition for ‘sympathy’ has some mileage for repetition, so (once more) in the language of the Abyss ‘sympathy’ is military jargon for a popular model of half a mile high siege-tower with spiked wheels, ballistae and fireball hurling catapults. (By way of explanation for the latter it’s a demonic joke: ‘See, we have sympathy for your situation’.)

Obligatory End of Round 3 Results Post:

Spoiler:
Congratulations on making it to the top 16. Obviously you didn’t get any further otherwise I wouldn’t be making this post. Still: you can now focus on plotting your triumphant return for a future year (if you feel so inclined), have that nervous breakdown which recent events may have made seem *much* more attractive, and/or get on with any other important stuff you’ve been letting go for the past few weeks – E.G. vaporising minions for not scrubbing the scullery floor properly, paying your dressmaker’s bills (important not to let craftsmen skilled with phase-spider silk go out of business) and house-training that paladin of Iomedae you captured a couple of months ago…
And of course there’s still a statistical chance that your villain, even though he failed to see you (personally) through this round, may show up again in this contest…

Paizo / Messageboards / Paizo Publishing / RPG Superstar™ / Previous Contests / RPG Superstar™ 2011 / Round 3 - Top 16: Create a villain stat block / Tamonash Byrraju, Vengeful Monk All Messageboards

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