You are now the offical jingle writer for all cannibal villains.I don't want a pickle
I just wanna gnaw on my martyr-cicleYou can get any martyr you want
at Durgal's restaraunt
Ahhhh, oldie but a goodie.
You know, many moons ago my mother and I actually met Alice (the one Arlo was singing about) out on Cape Cod? I believe that she was selling stones that she had painted.
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You are now the offical jingle writer for all cannibal villains.I don't want a pickle
I just wanna gnaw on my martyr-cicleYou can get any martyr you want
at Durgal's restarauntAhhhh, oldie but a goodie.
You know, many moons ago my mother and I actually met Alice (the one Arlo was singing about) out on Cape Cod? I believe that she was selling stones that she had painted.
I saw Arlo in concert with my folks.
Apparently, he dislikes doing the motor-cicle song. Mostly because he thinks it's a dumb song.
Which it really is.
These days he does moose poems.
CON:
...Mystic Theurge? Hello! I'm a munchkin!
Really? Because I can argue it's one of the weakest prestige classes in the game. You essentially trade your powerful high level spells so you can cast low level spells of another class. And in making that exchange, you give up: advancement of your familiar, advancement of your turn/rebuke undead, advancement of a lot of domain powers, wizard bonus feats (though that doesn't affect this character - which is another "weakness," using sorcerer and it's slower spell progression).
Really, this "build" is anything but munchkin.
I don't know...
The suicide bomber angle doesn't bother me. To dismiss it on that count is holding a fantasy environment to a really artifically static level. Like J.R.R is in the sky reminding us what 'proper fantasy' should be like. If people can think of it, they'll try it. One interesting angle would have been if this was the FIRST guy to do it, and the societal shock that it creates.
I wish it had been political. That would have improved it in my opinion.
Though he cares not a whit for the causes he espouses, sometimes, to his amusement, Durgal touches upon a vein of true discontent and sparks a revolution.
See? That kinda strikes me as playing it safe. You're already stepping out on the ledge with some people- don't go halfway. Don't freeze in the middle. This is just meyhem for it's own sake without it.
Not sure if I can vote for ya though.
--
Okay, partially it's word choice. I'm going to rate some of these from 1 to 10 on where I would have used another word.
martyr (4)
scripture (8)
lethal (5)
dupes (6)
innocents (7)
deiver unto paradise (9)
By switching these with less loaded terms, you could keep the scene, but maybe give some more cushion.
Hmm, got any suggestions for word swaps? Martyr especially strikes me as a tough one, particularly since that's part of his name... :)
I think you would have avoid the "it's too current" comments by changing the damage to anything but fire. Explosive runes ice (cold) substitution, cloud kill, or even glyph of warding with lightning bolt attached(in bath house maybe?).
See following replacement:
A young man pushes himself through the crowded marketplace. Ignoring the cheerful appeals of merchants, brushing past children clutching their mother’s skirts, he finally reaches the most congested part of the bazaar. There, his fingers trembling ever so slightly, he pulls a leather book out of his tattered clothing. With one final scornful look at his surroundings he kisses the holy sigil on the cover and opens it.
The blast expands through the crowd. A blast of cold air chills those fortunate enough to have stood just a few extra paces further away. As frost rises from the frozen bodies, stunned survivors shriek the names of their friends and loved ones and stare into the glazed eyes of the ice statues that stand in the middle of the market.
Elsewhere, the malign intelligence that sparked this atrocity smiles and waits for the feast...I feel that doesn't envoke the same response. But I could be crazy. Though that has never been proven.
That's a nice alteration to the passage. It keeps the essential theme but offers up a different special effect. I don't know if it's SRD though.
You think that would have made a difference? Not just for you but for other readers too?
It's something to keep in mind. Words havd power after all :)
Yeah, if you haven't tasted the roasted flesh of a duped martyr, you just haven't eaten.
If I were running Durgal I'd have him place a hefty satchel of spices around their necks sometime before they self-detonated, that way the dill and tarragon could bake into every charred casualty within the blast zone. He could tell them it was "A gift of fine cooking spice for your glorious afterlife."
I know that's a bit demented, but what am I supposed to do? PG-13 an undead cannibal villain?
Congratulations, you are now officially sicker than me :)
Entrants are not allowed to provide more information about their villains in posts, because doing so basically allows them to blow past the word count limit.
Hmm, got any suggestions for word swaps? Martyr especially strikes me as a tough one, particularly since that's part of his name... :)
Sure. I rated martyr low because it was the name and wouldn't eb so bad on its own.
martyr (4) leave for obvious reasons
scripture (8) missives--much less baggage
lethal (5) something about lethal feels modern--not a fan of ly adverbs but 'deadly' might work best here
dupes (6) too anachronistics. foils?
innocents (7) something less value-centric: villagers, towns people, not innocents and dear lord not civilians
deliver unto paradise (9) 'reap their final reward'? I dunno, but your phrasing invokes too many real world religious images
Asking myself the question: can this NPC affect my PC's I can only answer yes, this guy is a villain and from what I've read of the remaining 16 that is rare. Too many were encounters and not villains, this guy is a villain.
You've got my vote.
I don't know...
The suicide bomber angle doesn't bother me. To dismiss it on that count is holding a fantasy environment to a really artifically static level. Like J.R.R is in the sky reminding us what 'proper fantasy' should be like. If people can think of it, they'll try it. One interesting angle would have been if this was the FIRST guy to do it, and the societal shock that it creates.
I adhere to that "other school" of speculative fiction where once you establish your premise you must follow it to the logical conclusion. In science fiction this means aliens with behaviors and worldviews that arise out of their morphology and environment. In fantasy this means a culture that adapts to the magic system but retains recognizable human behavior patterns.
In gaming this sometimes means adopting real world practices since they evolved for a reason. I believe that this guy, as awful as he is, actually would appear on a world with the kind of magic system D&D currently supports.
He's not Gargamel I'll grant you, but I don't want to game in a world filled with smurfs anyway... :)
Hmm, got any suggestions for word swaps? Martyr especially strikes me as a tough one, particularly since that's part of his name... :)
Sure. I rated martyr low because it was the name and wouldn't eb so bad on its own.
dupes (6) too anachronistics. foils?
innocents (7) something less value-centric: villagers, towns people, not innocents and dear lord not civilians
Foils doesn't work for me since it implies an equality (and rivalry) that goes against what I was aiming. How about pawn?
Yeah, civilians would be a very, very, bad choice.
6. I like the intro. I like his escape plans. But overall he doesn't deliver enough for me to endorse him with a vote.
sorry to hear that, hopefully you can still find a use for him in your game :)
Asking myself the question: can this NPC affect my PC's I can only answer yes, this guy is a villain and from what I've read of the remaining 16 that is rare. Too many were encounters and not villains, this guy is a villain.
You've got my vote.
Thanks for that, I'm going to need every one I can get if I have any chance of writing up some monsters.
(having done a pill that makes you taste so bad monsters spit you up, followed by a country ruled by were elephants, and then a ghoul who cons people into blowing themselves up so he can eat their remains I've quite curious to find out what my monsters would be :) )
Contributor
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I agree with Darkjoy. This is one of the few actual villains in the contest. He has motivations that are consistent with his nature that will affect the PCs. I can drop him into my campaign (or pretty much any campaign) right now without having to 'fit him in.' I don't need to adapt the story, and I can easilly come up with lots of simple ways to make this affect the PCs directly if they aren't simply hooked by some crazy blowing up a bunch of innocent townsfolk.
That said, I do think this villain would fit best in a setting like Eberron or Ptolus where a lot of modern concepts are already kind of assumed. Hell, if I did it in Ptolus, I might have the martyrs use actual explosives rather than explosive runes, but maybe not. The scripture-reading for a trigger is lovely.
And since Hal went down this road, I don't think there's much point in trying to soften it into meanginglessness by removing words like scripture and martyr. I could see using a different kind of energy (like cold) to fantasy it up a bit, but I could also see having one of the dupes derail the lightning rail, or something. I don't see cloudkill as making a huge difference, either; there have been several poison gas attacks in subways in such within recent memory.
Hell, Keith Baker had a flying tower in Sharn knocked out of the sky, supposedly by terrorists, so that it crashed into the city below. I'd say that has just as much (if not more) modern resonance as suicide bombers.
I don't have a problem with people wanting to alter this villain to suit their own style, but it fits with a LOT of mainstream D&D, and it totally fits with my style of play.
Durgal is my number two choice this round. Good job Hal!
EDIT: Oh, and Jade, nice call with the packets of herbs. One of those things that adds some extra sick value but could turn out to be a useful clue. I'm all over it.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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I just remembered.
We went through a Greyhawk adventure where there were fireball gems across the city we had to stop from blowing up.
The sunless garden has a deranged treant poisoning the water supply because he beleives humans are a threat to nature.
Heck we've had serial killers in modules and no one complained.
We had a kingdom that is based on a good country turning to evil in the name of good.
Why is a guy who enjoys making people blow up for that perfect taste so controversial?
I haven't been too struck with your previous entires, Hal, but I liked this one. It was one of the two that stood out this round for me.
Personally, I have no problems with the sucide bomber issue, because it's not like this sort of thing has been done repeatedly in fantasy and D&D for yonks before the current. (Hell, I have a character who is entirely based around the GLA from C&C Generals in Cyberpunk just for the sheer amusement factor of being able to speak in a highly unconvincing accent!)
It's Undead and not a Vampire, which an automatic plus in my book.
I liked the fact his motivations were fairly fluid, because I could see him fitting in as villain in his own right or a top-end servant of a campaign's Big(ger) Bad; a Seymour to the campaing's Yu Yevon if I may use a slighty daft but tangentially similar example. I could see Maldar fitting into any of my campaign worlds (hell, he might actually do just that!)
I've glossed over the stat block, partly because I don't have the time to go over it all and partly because the judge's decision to add the maths into the stat blocks has generally rendered it barely readable, so I'll defer to them on that point.
However, I think that tactically, Maldar needs some work. I can think of no reasons at all why having prepared inflict spells is an advantage except for metamagic feats, which Maldar hasn't prepared them with. His choice of spells leans a little too heavily on the defensive. You have him casting ten buffs (three at the start of the day), which is waaaay too many unless he is going to be able to cast them pre-combat.
I think he'd be much better dropping Spell Immunity for Poison, Divine Power[ or Giant Vermin, Respectively, this would give him a anti-caster slap, better melee capability or more chaff between him and the PCs.
I also think that Imbue with Spell Ability shouldn't be on his daily casting list, but rather something he loads when he plans on using it. After all, he can mix and match his cleric spells as much as he likes. Ditto Speak with Dead and Break Enchantment. (The latter would be better, I think, giving way to a number of 5th level Cleric spells that would be more of usse to Maldar than to his minions e.g Wall of Stone, Slay Living, Insect Plague...)You almost would have been better giving him a typical spell load and a combat spell load for the cleric spells.
I think his tactics would be better served by using invisibility/i] much earlier, while he gets some space between the PCs with his slippers. Then, [i]Web or Slow as you say followed by immediately picking on the spellcasters with his top-level offensive spells rather than waiting around.
...
All that said, this will definately get one of my votes.
Really? Because I can argue it's one of the weakest prestige classes in the game. You essentially trade your powerful high level spells so you can cast low level spells of another class. And in making that exchange, you give up: advancement of your familiar, advancement of your turn/rebuke undead, advancement of a lot of domain powers, wizard bonus feats (though that doesn't affect this character - which is another "weakness," using sorcerer and it's slower spell progression).
Really, this "build" is anything but munchkin.
Absolutely. The First Commandment of Optimisation (and the Fifth, for that matter, thus spake "Thou shalt not give up caster levels." Having more lower level spells is significantly less powerful than more higher level ones; particularly, since without pumping feats into Practised Spellcaster, an enemy Dispel can really ruin your day. (I'm currently playing with a Cleric/Druid in my group - and there's no PrC for that - who relies on a lot of party buffs and it really sucks when the enemy comes along and dispels them all!)
That's a nice alteration to the passage. It keeps the essential theme but offers up a different special effect. I don't know if it's SRD though.You think that would have made a difference? Not just for you but for other readers too?
It's something to keep in mind. Words have power after all :)
I had suggested it because it erases most of what others had objected to (the real world "pull" of the villain). And I found it in the SRD *here*.
After thinking this over if nothing else you made me want to consider how to make this villain (as he is certainly that) adapted to fit into my campaign.
You have my vote.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I loved the suicide bomber angle. Sure it was ripped from the headlines, but that's what makes it cool - it's something the players will immediately relate to, and also it certainly isn't a fantasy cliche - and therefore it's original for D&D. A lot of what I'd say has been repeated often in the thread. Durgal is definately a villian, albiet with a limited scope - you could have scored bonus points by giving him some long term plan. Also, specifying his god would have been nice.
As for the stat block, the biggest error I saw was the use of the 3.0 version of weapon finesse. In 3.0, you have to pick a specific weapon, but in 3.5 it applies to all finessable weapons, so for Durgal it would work for both claws and bite, not just one of them.
Overall, I LOVED the concept and tactics, but the stat block detracted from that. I think you have my vote, but I'm not even half way through reading the entries, so you're on the bubble. Either way, great job!
Hal,
I know I've been criticism heavy on your two last rounds, but I actually hope you make the next round because you'd excel at interesting monsters. Particularly with background in the field.
Ultimately, this creation proved to be my favorite of the lot!
He's not Gargamel I'll grant you, but I don't want to game in a world filled with smurfs anyway... :)
What the? If you mention the smurfs your icon changes? How did I not know that? :)
(or was that some kind of crazy coincidence?)
Your plot-hooks are fairly obvious, but that's somewhat unavoidable in such a "one-trick" villain....Even at a glance, the stat block is a mess...
It seems that you are a veteran of this game, but you seem to have forgotten your skills...
I hope we get an explanation after voting on this...
If you make it through to the next round, you'll have to be much more careful...
The writing is a little clunky at spots...
I'm afraid that your stat block is holding it back from greatness... Thanks for sharing!
This level of criticism from a fellow competitor still in active competition?
I'm afraid I'm compelled to change one of my final four notes now.
That goes for all of you finalists. Comport yourselves, folks.
I haven't been too struck with your previous entires, Hal, but I liked this one. It was one of the two that stood out this round for me.
However, I think that tactically, Maldar needs some work.
I glad this one worked for you. I've been trying a lot of different things from round to round. Starting with a simple utility item to a weird (aka "gonzo") country to this rather dark villain. Each time my only goal was to present something memorable. Hopefully if I make it into the monster round I'll come up with something folks find useful.
You make some good points on the tactics. Maybe I went a little too far with the "make it fit his personality" approach. My only quibble would be that break enchantment is a domain spell so hard to swap out for something better. But a lot of the other spells on the roster could get jiggled around. With more space to play with detailing the spells he prepares specifically when he intends to mess with his would be followers makes even more sense.
That's a nice alteration to the passage. It keeps the essential theme but offers up a different special effect. I don't know if it's SRD though.You think that would have made a difference? Not just for you but for other readers too?
It's something to keep in mind. Words have power after all :)
I had suggested it because it erases most of what others had objected to (the real world "pull" of the villain). And I found it in the SRD *here*.
After thinking this over if nothing else you made me want to consider how to make this villain (as he is certainly that) adapted to fit into my campaign.
You have my vote.
Hey! That would make him a much more versatile villain! Good one :) (and a sad face to me for missing out on that option)
thanks for the vote, I'm going to need it :)
I loved the suicide bomber angle. Sure it was ripped from the headlines, but that's what makes it cool - it's something the players will immediately relate to, and also it certainly isn't a fantasy cliche - and therefore it's original for D&D. A lot of what I'd say has been repeated often in the thread. Durgal is definately a villian, albiet with a limited scope - you could have scored bonus points by giving him some long term plan. Also, specifying his god would have been nice.
As for the stat block, the biggest error I saw was the use of the 3.0 version of weapon finesse. In 3.0, you have to pick a specific weapon, but in 3.5 it applies to all finessable weapons, so for Durgal it would work for both claws and bite, not just one of them.
Overall, I LOVED the concept and tactics, but the stat block detracted from that. I think you have my vote, but I'm not even half way through reading the entries, so you're on the bubble. Either way, great job!
D'oh on the Weapon Finesse! When it rains it pours!
I hope for your vote, but I'm glad you liked the concept :) I entered this contest in hopes of getting a chance to share some fun ideas with people.
Hal,
I know I've been criticism heavy on your two last rounds, but I actually hope you make the next round because you'd excel at interesting monsters. Particularly with background in the field.
As my friend David says, "it's all good". I don't detect any malice so please continue with the suggestions. I wouldn't bother to reply if I thought you were just being nasty :) (life's too short)
Thanks for the well wishes.
Ultimately, this creation proved to be my favorite of the lot!
thanks! I wanted to create a real villain, even if he pushed the boundries a little.
Even at a glance, the stat block is a mess. From the judge's comments, it seems that you are a veteran of this game, but you seem to have forgotten your skills. I hope we get an explanation after voting on this, and if you make it through to the next round, you'll have to be much more careful.
The writing is a little clunky at spots, but overall pretty good, and your intro definitely grabbed me. Overall, I liked your entry, but I'm afraid that your stat block is holding it back from greatness. Thanks for sharing!
I hope you can find a use for the parts you liked. Sorry it didn't come together for you :)
CON:
...Mystic Theurge? Hello! I'm a munchkin!
Really? Because I can argue it's one of the weakest prestige classes in the game. You essentially trade your powerful high level spells so you can cast low level spells of another class. And in making that exchange, you give up: advancement of your familiar, advancement of your turn/rebuke undead, advancement of a lot of domain powers, wizard bonus feats (though that doesn't affect this character - which is another "weakness," using sorcerer and it's slower spell progression).
Really, this "build" is anything but munchkin.
Speaking from experience as a DM with a number cruncher in the party: Who needs a familiar? Fireball turns undead (extra crispy) just fine. The Knowledge and Magic domains aren't affected much, and you never run out of spells.
G-to-the-Three
My only quibble would be that break enchantment is a domain spell so hard to swap out for something better. But a lot of the other spells on the roster could get jiggled around. With more space to play with detailing the spells he prepares specifically when he intends to mess with his would be followers makes even more sense.
Yes, of course! *facepalm* ...that'll be what the D stands for! Guh.
I'm so used to my own cleric stats blocks (I bracket the domain spell at the end myself) that I completely forgot about domain spells.
Still, that's the great thing about clerics; changing their effectiveness is as simple as chaning the spells they load!
I think I'm going to step out from cover here. I roleplay largely in order to explore real world issues and that takes a certain amount of guts. This author's got guts, and it works for me. I don't think there's anything here that's being disrespectful making merriment of awful real world things. I think there's an element of social commentary here, but it's real, gritty stuff that's not glorifying the subject.
I like the idea of a smart, seductive, charletan in a fantasy setting--who shops for martyrs and then preys upon them. I agree that a villain like this could use other tools in his toolbox, but I think there's hints in there that suggest other types of martyrdom for his victims. I like the idea that this villain is a ghoul, for the sake of symbolism as well as making a ghoul that doesn't just feel like a zombie--but is it's own creature. I like that. I agree that the dramatic angle of his tactics is creepy and evocative, something I hardly ever get from stat blocks. Honestly the stat block disorganization isn't a big problem for me, so I'm not going to knock that. At least there was something in there that made me want to read it.
So yeah, this one gets a Grimcleaver vote.
Grimcleaver sums up most of what I was going to say so well, I'm going to steal it. This guy works very well in an Eberron game and isclever and symbolic all at once. Hal's writing keeps me glued but I'll harp on his statblock a bit.
Back to Grim's post, I find that games that occasionally explore real-life situations often enough lead to discussion (or at least some thought) of those same topics. In the classic sense that is what "role-playing" is about; understanding the world (or perhaps a world) through someone else's point of view. Do players always play themselves? What if a person were say a rebel in real-life living fast and loose, how would they play a character whose background made them a lot more traditional? Really, if we are too afraid to talk about a problem then we're never going to understand it, and if we're never going to understand it, we're not likely to ever solve it.
GGG
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
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A suicide bomber? This had really better be going somewhere.
The capitalisation of the title looks sloppy and it's a concern to see that the author has repeated an aspect of his entry that was strongly questioned last time. The name is not bad, with a Scottish sort of Sawney Bean vibe.
Good idea to mark off spells already cast, though I'm not wild about the way it's done. Tactics are too wordy. It's a good idea to hide the details of skill calculations.
Okay, let's see how he does his party trick: Charisma is high and well justified. Bluff is too low. Diplomacy is probably good enough to bamboozle 1st-level commoners reliably though not that high for his CR. Knowledge (religion) is unreasonably low for a 3rd-level cleric, let alone someone whose MO is to twist scripture. The entry doesn't specify any spells that he uses for the purpose beyond enthrall. I am not at all satisfied with this.
The descriptive text covers his activities comprehensively enough. It has a sense of trailing off rather than really coming to a conclusion.
This is technically better than some of the entries I've seen so far, but too anachronistic, not that impressive in use of the rules and poorly presented. Not voting for it.
Yes, of course! *facepalm* ...that'll be what the D stands for! Guh.
I'm so used to my own cleric stats blocks (I bracket the domain spell at the end myself) that I completely forgot about domain spells.
Believe me, I've mastered the art of facepalming these last few days :)
This is technically better than some of the entries I've seen so far, but too anachronistic, not that impressive in use of the rules and poorly presented. Not voting for it.
Glad you liked the parts you did, sorry it didn't come together for you in the end. Thanks for taking the time to read it though :) At least the core concept worked to that extent.
Original idea. Even if the idea of suicide bombers is something you wouldn't touch in your game, you've got to give some credit for coming up with something pretty darn original for D&D. Cajones, Hal, undead, festering, rotting cajones.
So are PC slayings with swords and spells sensitive then? ;)
Notes: Ghoul Mystic Theurge. Corrupts people to become suicide bombers then eats what's left of them. Would not have used "paradise" or "suicide bombers" taken out of fantasy world. Cool dark visuals but needs a plan other than creating chaos in order to be a deep campaign length villain. Would cause a lot of out of game discussion and I would feel like I plagiarized something if I used it. Like my players would say, "Are you serious?" Maybe exploding zombies (ala Myth the video game) would be better.
Original idea. Even if the idea of suicide bombers is something you wouldn't touch in your game, you've got to give some credit for coming up with something pretty darn original for D&D. Cajones, Hal, undead, festering, rotting cajones.
Thanks for that :) I was aiming to create a real villain and at least I succeeded in that goal. The rest is out of my hands so there's no point in worrying about it.
Too topical for me. The idea is cool, sort of Hannibal Lecter of the ghouls. But the suicide bombing is insensitive, and Doug don't back that.
Sorry it's not your cup of tea. He's memorable if nothing else though.
(hopefully not in a "haunt your dreams" sort of way :) )
Notes: Ghoul Mystic Theurge. Corrupts people to become suicide bombers then eats what's left of them. Would not have used "paradise" or "suicide bombers" taken out of fantasy world. Cool dark visuals but needs a plan other than creating chaos in order to be a deep campaign length villain. Would cause a lot of out of game discussion and I would feel like I plagiarized something if I used it. Like my players would say, "Are you serious?" Maybe exploding zombies (ala Myth the video game) would be better.
Exploding zombies? Not familiar with that game but it sounds intriguing and rather dark.
I knew this guy was a risk but wanted to do up a real villain.
You know your players better than anyone so if you feel he's too distracting you're probably right. Sorry you won't get a chance to use him (even if you wanted to) but thanks for taking the time to read the entry!
I love it!
(Now, I've only glanced at the other comments, so some of these may have been covered already.)
The topic doesn't scare me away: good horror is good horror. However (and it looks like others have already gone here so I won't beat it to death), different language would help: you used very specific language to situate your villain, but I think your intention would survive without the specific use of phrases like "suicide bombings" and the idea that paradise is the final reward and the like.
If anything, I think you should have gone a little farther. :) It seems an awful lot of effort on Durgal's part simply for food. I imagine that the arcane energies spilling out of a scene of ritual mass murder triggered by a suicide is INCREDIBLE. Perhaps Durgal is using these energies in some way. Perhaps his eating of the flesh is a focus for some immense magic. My point is that I think that it might be a bit anticlimactic that Durgal is ONLY eating the flesh. (That's certainly a disturbing phrase! :D ) You wouldn't even have to get rid of his treachery to his flock or his gruesome tastes (those are great), but a few more surprises could last him an entire campaign.
Great job! You got one of my votes... (but that stat block made it only just.)
Does the Martyr Eater have margaritas with his murdered weiners? Just asking.
I just read in another post that Hal Maclean lost power during a winter storm the day he sent this entry in. He spent the morning driving around looking for a place with internet access so you could get it in just under the wire. I know he was just sharing his frustrations with the other finalists and not feeding homework to the dog, but I imagine it as a movie scene… Hal swearing under his breath, driving around in a Canadian snow storm, then speed typing those frazzled stat blocks only to later get ragged on for not performing better despite his experience as a writer.
As you may be able to tell, I'm a fan of dark comedy. In my version, Hal loses the contest, then two weeks later, gets into his car and drives to one of the poster's houses, lecturing them at their door nonsensically until the cops are called in. As they drag him away he squawks, "…you try getting the format right when your hands and brain are frozen you @$$#*!%s!"
Hal, I guess you can't reveal if there was a possible corollary between the snowstorm and the seeming lack of polish before voting ends, but I'd eventually like to see a thread where all the finalists talk about what kind of wedding-day tragedies plagued them while competing in this contest. I've already seen some of the finalists being asked questions about why certain things went "wrong" in their entries and the finalists are barely able to restrain themselves from rushing headlong into giving an explanation that will get them disqualified. Oh, the sweet, horrifying frustration of having to stay one's tongue at a time like that.
Well, you guys wanted the game fame. ;) Pay the piper. I wish everyone luck.
I love it!
If anything, I think you should have gone a little farther. :) It seems an awful lot of effort on Durgal's part simply for food. I imagine that the arcane energies spilling out of a scene of ritual mass murder triggered by a suicide is INCREDIBLE. Perhaps Durgal is using these energies in some way. Perhaps his eating of the flesh is a focus for some immense magic. My point is that I think that it might be a bit anticlimactic that Durgal is ONLY eating the flesh. (That's certainly a disturbing phrase! :D ) You wouldn't even have to get rid of his treachery to his flock or his gruesome tastes (those are great), but a few more surprises could last him an entire campaign.
Thanks for that! I'm trying to imagine the blistering response around here if I had gone even further though... :)
Does the Martyr Eater have margaritas with his murdered weiners? Just asking.
I just read in another post that Hal Maclean lost power during a winter storm the day he sent this entry in.
Hal, I guess you can't reveal if there was a possible corollary between the snowstorm and the seeming lack of polish before voting ends, but I'd eventually like to see a thread where all the finalists talk about what kind of wedding-day tragedies plagued them while competing in this contest.
Context is everything. When I made that post (in the "waiting game" thread IIRC) it was for a different purpose than it would be to hash over here.
I would like to say that I've been very gratified by those who appreciated the potential of this villain (comma splice and all :) ).
Since voting is drawing to a close I'd like to take one more opportuntity to thank all those who took the time to read this entry. Even if wasn't the kind of thing you're interested in including in your own game I appreciate your attention, even for a few moments, and I hope that on some level I gave you something back to compensate for it.
My philosophy as a writer is that each word should have the purpose of inspiring the reader to move on to the next one. It's not something you can always achieve, but I do keep that in mind when writing.
At the end of the day that's the only thing you have under your control, the rest is up to your audience (which is why feedback is such a great thing to get :) ).