Heh I will post what I put on another thread...soon as I find it.
Gamer Girrl wrote:
dragonvan wrote:
What is the ZZ means before the magic item description? Are they the place where our imagination replace the "ZZ"?Placeholders for your actual appropriate words :)
Awww I thought I was on to the most awesome item ever...The ZZ item...when you pick it up it becomes whatever you want...
Item of ZZ
hmmmm
Aura ZZstrength ZZschool; CL 17th
Slot ZZslot; Price ZZ gp; Weight ZZ lbs.
It is what it is
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, wish; Cost way to much gp
Heh, 31 words..
The ZZ item...when you pick it up it becomes whatever you want...
Disqualified! That's just a blatant rip-off of those old 1e UA Anything Items. For shame.
How's this for a blatant rip-off of an old classic?
Aura Strong Whoopination; CL 20th
Slot Can; Price A whoop-load of gp; Weight 1 lb.
When opened, this can will lay the hurt on any fool dumb enough to get in the way.
An empty can of Whoop-Ass can be used to store a random spell, thus becoming a Spell-In-A-Can.
Requirements Craft Whoop-Ass Item, greater whoop-ass, creator must have at least 20 ranks in Badass MoFo; Cost Half a Whoop-load of gp
That's great: "...thus becoming a spell in a can." ;)
That made my day (so far).
It would be hilarious to get a spell in a can submission so awesome that we had to let it make the cut. :)
Gah, fine... I've been sitting on this one since the contest began, but I can't let other people keep making the joke without me. ;)
Aura faint universal; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 7,200 gp
This sealed metallic cylinder fits comfortably in one hand. A spellcaster who uses the empty spell canister as an additional focus when casting a spell of 3rd level or lower does not produce the spell's effect, but instead causes it to become trapped in the can, where it remains for up to six hours. While the spell canister contains a spell, any character holding the can may release that spell on command, making any appropriate decisions as if they were casting it. The spell's caster level is equal to that of the original caster, capped at 6th level.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost 3,600 gp
Edit: 122 words? That's my shortest one yet. :P
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Gah, fine... I've been sitting on this one since the contest began, but I can't let other people keep making the joke without me. ;)
Aura faint universal; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 7,200 gp
This sealed metallic cylinder fits comfortably in one hand. A spellcaster who uses the empty spell canister as an additional focus when casting a spell of 3rd level or lower does not produce the spell's effect, but instead causes it to become trapped in the can, where it remains for up to six hours. While the spell canister contains a spell, any character holding the can may release that spell on command, making any appropriate decisions as if they were casting it. The spell's caster level is equal to that of the original caster, capped at 6th level.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost 3,600 gpEdit: 122 words? That's my shortest one yet. :P
Ummm... CL 6 with miracle or wish as required spells? Imbue with spell ability is more appropriate and would only up the CL to 7th.
That's great: "...thus becoming a spell in a can." ;)
That made my day (so far).
It would be hilarious to get a spell in a can submission so awesome that we had to let it make the cut. :)
Glad to be of service...now I only hope my genuine item will generate the same feeling.
Gah, fine... I've been sitting on this one since the contest began, but I can't let other people keep making the joke without me. ;)
Aura faint universal; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 7,200 gp
This sealed metallic cylinder fits comfortably in one hand. A spellcaster who uses the empty spell canister as an additional focus when casting a spell of 3rd level or lower does not produce the spell's effect, but instead causes it to become trapped in the can, where it remains for up to six hours. While the spell canister contains a spell, any character holding the can may release that spell on command, making any appropriate decisions as if they were casting it. The spell's caster level is equal to that of the original caster, capped at 6th level.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost 3,600 gpEdit: 122 words? That's my shortest one yet. :P
Pure gold! :-D
Ummm... CL 6 with miracle or wish as required spells? Imbue with spell ability is more appropriate and would only up the CL to 7th.
Heh... odd place for a rules quibble, but I'm going to have to correct your correction because it could actually be helpful to those who haven't submitted yet: an item can be powered by a spell at something less than the spell's full normal power. See folding boat for a good example; it's CL 6th and uses fabricate. Since this isn't actually miracle in a can, there's no need to give it a miracle-appropriate CL or cost. Instead it's priced as a 1/day 3rd-level spell (ad-hoc, but seemed appropriate).
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RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32
aka Fatespinner
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Recursive Amulet
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 1,000gp
Description
This simple-looking silver amulet grants the wearer the ability to benefit from a second amulet or other neck-slot item (in addition to this one). The recursive amulet cannot be the subject of further enchantment, however, as the intricate magics involved in its construction would be destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation, magic aura; Cost 500 gp
just nitpicking here, but that would be more like the redundant amulet :)
Recursive Amulet
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 1,000gp
Description
This simple-looking silver amulet works like the recursive amulet. With no exceptions.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must posess the recursive amulet; Cost 500 gp
I just logged into the Judges Chambers to review any new items that might have come in.
Well, some "genius" decided to submit an obvious gag item.
I can't tell you how pissed off I am right now.
I don't work for Paizo. I don't get any pay or reward of any kind from this. Nevertheless, it is hours and HOURS each year of late nights and tons of reading to judge this contest. Believe me, you have no idea. Its a lot of work. And I try to do it fairly. I try to give each submission its due. I try to help afterwards with feedback. Because this is a great community.
And then we get "geniuses" like the guy who just submitted this gag item. Totally disrespecting the time the judges put in. Totally disrespecting the time we have to spend reading his item that we could have spent on someone else's legitimate item. Thinking this is some big joke. This is serious! People are trying to launch an RPG career here, perhaps! Its disrespectful to the other contestants who are taking this seriously. Frankly, I was shocked to see something like that.
So if you are either the "genius" (aka idiot) who just submitted that item or another "genius" considering submitting a joke item, please just give it a pass.
It clearly was not a kid or anything like that. Its not a mistake or an ESL issue. That was an adult English speaking grownup who just apparently thinks this contest is his little joke fest.
Oh, I am so mad. Luckily I don't have the power to ban people permanently from the forums. I don't know what can be done, but I hope something happens.
I'm going to take tonight off so no one has to get judged while I am this pissed.
Sorry to be so upset, but this is a great contest and I hate seeing someone just piss all over it like that. That's what this was. Unbelievable. Someone here should really be ashamed of themselves. Luckily for them the process is anonymous and I dont know who it is.
Let me put it this way: I better not see another one of those.
/rant
On the bright side, since each user only gets one entry, that joker won't be getting in the way of people who actually want to get this right.
Clark, your devotion to this contest and the people who enter is awesome and very much appreciated. A lot of us will be better gamers by taking part, just from reading the comments from you and the other judges.
And...may I suggest that you blow off steam by cooking up a gag item for this thread?
Oh, wow.
Sorry this happened Clark, and hope this doesn't give you a bad impression overall. Jokers and idiots aside, most people (on these forums at least) seem as dedicated to the contest as the judges, and I know they (and I) appreciate the time you put in.
It really puts things in perspective. Let me share this. Every year we get some items that really are not very good. They often take a bit of a beating from the judges. We can be a bit harsh.
But you know what, those guys at least tried.
This joker didn't even do that. He (she, I dont know, guessing he), is WORSE than all those submissions that we as judges think are lame!
At least the bad submissions, at least those authors nutted up and took a swing. At least they tried. Those people are heroes in my eyes compared to this knucklehead. I almost feel bad now rejecting a bad submission, since as bad as it is it is light years ahead of what this guy did.
Clark,
I can say with confidence that everyone who participates in this contest in a serious and earnest manner appreciates your time and effort. Not to mention your sincere passion to the topic of RPG publishing.
It was really unfortunate that someone did this.
I'm sure we all look forward to seeing you back, once you've had a chance to catch your breath. You have a lot of fans here. In some ways, "Clark Peterson" is a seasonal event in his own right. Once December comes, we have Clark on the Paizo boards to teach us stuff and help ring in the New Year.
Hope you feel better soon.
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To the Community and Admins,
Maybe we should call a moratorium on the joke threads? Not because they're bad when taken in context, but obviously someone got the impression that this was somehow appropriate.
Perhaps the joke threads should be sent to the Off-topic portion of the board?
Must have been a really bad joke. :(
I dont know. Maybe I should mellow out. I mean, the item wasn't offensive. It wasn't derogatory or sexist or racist or any of that stuff. It didn't use bad language (though I did; oh boy, did I).
Taking a breath.
More than likely, Clark...it was someone who probably thought they had no chance of making the Top 32...had already given up on the contest as a serious chance to make it into the game industry...still felt a desire to participate in some way...and thought they'd humor the judges with a piece designed to make someone laugh. Clearly, they didn't think it through before hitting the "submit" button...and/or they just aren't mature enough to understand RPG Superstar's true purpose or what the judges go through in reviewing hundreds of submissions over the course of a few weeks.
All in all, though, it's probably good that you posted this kind of admonition early in the process. It certainly sends a clear signal to those who would follow in this guy's footsteps by thinking the judges want comic-relief in the midst of what's really a very difficult job. Hang in there! Just a couple more weeks of submissions to go. And those who take the opportunity seriously know the real score on this kind of thing.
--Neil
just nitpicking here, but that would be more like the redundant amulet :)
Recursive Amulet
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 1,000gpDescription
This simple-looking silver amulet works like the recursive amulet. With no exceptions.Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator must posess the recursive amulet; Cost 500 gp
I do *not* want to encourage people to submit gags to the contest (as Clark has already stated).
I *do* want to point out that *this* particular gag nearly made me spit diet pepsi on my laptop. Well done.
Director of Narrative
,
Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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Maybe we should call a moratorium on the joke threads? Not because they're bad when taken in context, but obviously someone got the impression that this was somehow appropriate.
Perhaps the joke threads should be sent to the Off-topic portion of the board?
Nah, that'd just be pandering to the lowest common denominator. Just because someone pissed off Clark, doesn't mean that everyone else can't have a nice place to play around. It helps folks blow off steam when they're stressing their items. It gives folks a chance to be funny and creative without resorting to the silly mistake of actually submitting a joke.
Nah, that'd just be pandering to the lowest common denominator. Just because someone pissed off Clark, doesn't mean that everyone else can't have a nice place to play around. It helps folks blow off steam when they're stressing their items. It gives folks a chance to be funny and creative without resorting to the silly mistake of actually submitting a joke.
I don't entirely disagree. Nevertheless, I felt the gesture had to be made by someone. The guy was frackin' mad as all hell.
<<shrug>> Did I think anybody was actually going to agree with me?
Not really.
But do I think it was wrong to propose it? It was showing basic respect.
But let's drop it now, lest immature wanker decides it would be funny to pull the proverbial 'fire alarm' again. If they do, I hope they realize they only wreck it for everybody.
Hey Clark, i can completely understand your ire.
But given that this guy luckily seems to be an exception from the rule says some really great things about the paizonian community. Especially given what a tangled mess of trolls ans spammers the Internet seems to be nowadays (heck, if the Internet were a dungeoncrawl it would put teh infamous Tomb of Horrors to shame).
And to all the would-be-joke-submitters: if the judges really need a comic relief from their hard and tiresome job they simply can check out this thread. don't force it on them. it won't be appreciated. If you ever were working on a difficult task ( such as trying to tell a good story on one of your rpg nights) and were interrupted by a bad potty joke, you know what I'm talking about ( Breast Weapon I'm looking at you).
But gag items do serve their purpose.
firstly they are a great relief from designing stress. If you have just spent 2 hours haggling about a few words in your items text, penning down a gag item in 2 minutes and make someone smile (or spill his diet pepsi :) ) can really lighten your spirit.
And -even more important for me - secondly most gags are [language-dependent] effects and are a great workout for your writing skills if your first tongue isn't English ( mine isn't).
Leave gag items out of the contest - they don't belong there. Post them here so we all can have a laugh.
That said I give you:
Aura strong enchantment; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 6900 gp; Weight -
Who Rick was and why he crafted the SCroll of Rick has been lost in the mist of times. Scholars agree however, that the SCroll of Rick is a simple piece of parcments inscribed with disturbing jet infectious lyrics.
If the SCroll of Rick is read out loud in combat, the reader and everyone in 60 -Never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna turn around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Nah, that'd just be pandering to the lowest common denominator. Just because someone pissed off Clark, doesn't mean that everyone else can't have a nice place to play around.
I agree. One person shouldn't spoil all your fun.
Plus, I probably shouldn't be so upset about it. I'm not sure why it pissed me off so much. Probably because I had just rejected a submission that was pretty bad. Then I saw this one, and as I said above, at least with the bad submission at least that author tried. The gap between trying and failing and then not even taking a real shot just seemed so wide to me and it made me feel bad at how critical I was of the bad item.
Here's an idea, since you didnt see the submission and I did and I am telling you that it has nothing to do with parody why dont you just trust me. ;) Dont try to defend what you dont even know about.
I don't think Clark ever hinted at malice as a suspected motivation.
Stupidity can be significantly more infuriating, really.
Aura strong enchantment; CL 12th
Slot -; Price varies; Weight -
this thin sheet of glossy paper is imprinted wit a big golden "+1" (or "+2 to "+5" respectively)
when pressed against any mundane item it magically glues itself to the item on a highly visible spot. the "magic item" then transfers its dweomer to the mundane item, enchanting it in the process.
The item is now a +1 (to +5) [item] and grants it's user a +1(to +5) enhancement bonus on all checks made using that item.
There is rumored to exits a +6 "magic item" , but this would be at least a minor artifact and no longer a wondrous item.
item price
+1 "magic item" 2000
+2 "magic item" 8000
+3 "magic item" 18000
+4 "magic item" 32000
+5 "magic item" 50000
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Creator must have at least 5 ranks in at least 5 Craft skills; Cost 1/2 price
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32
aka carborundum
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Gag items, you say?
Gag of Silence
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot face; Price 300 gp; Weight -
Description
As a full round action you can stuff this strip of enchanted cloth into the mouth of a pinned or willing creature capable of speech, silencing them as the spell. The silence effect applies only to speech blocked by the gag of silence.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, silence; Cost 150 gp
Then I guess I don't really see what the big deal is. It's not as though this is the first time some idiot has used internet anonymity to waste everyone's time by posting stupid crap no one wants to read.
Just because you're used to it, doesn't make it harmless. And there's a big difference between "wasting" what is already free time, and wasting time that is already dedicated to a purpose. Advertisements on TV? Whatever, part of the bargain. Telemarketers calling me at work? I'm liable to start randomly punching things.
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Here's my submission for the Gag Thread. Although honestly, it's a cursed item and I think therefore it could be a theoretical real item. Friend of mine created this way, way, way back when we still played the Red Box. Still it's a classic, and I put it in most of my games.
Girdle of Dwarven Throwing
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot torso; Price 1500 gp; Weight -
Description
This master work leather belt inlaid with jewels can only be worn by a dwarf or duergar. Once a dwarf or duergar puts it on, he find himself thrown across the room every 1d3 rounds unless somehow shackled in chains to a wall. The belt flings it's wearer in a random 1d12 (clockwise) horizontal direction up to 30 feet, if stopped, the character takes 1d6 points of damage per 5 feet remaining. The magic of the belt stops when it's wearer is unconscious, but will start up again once he or she is awake. Remove Curse will allow the character to remove the Belt, however the process destroys the magic within rendering it a normal master work leather belt.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Fly, Bestow Curse; Cost 750 gp
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Star Voter Season 6
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i present you:
the over priced re-edible sweet
aura: faint enchantment, CL 20
slot: -, price: 1,000,000,001gp weight:-
description:
this tasty sweet can be eaten almost constantly, though the taste, shape, colour and size vary every time it is eaten. once eaten it re-appears in the owner's hand (yea i know what you were thinking) a few minutes later, if the owner has anything in that hand he drops the item (which is then sent to another plane never to be found again) for the sweet, you can never tell which hand it is going to appear, or how long between eating it and it appearing in your hand. if thrown it will dooplicate reappear in each of the owner's hands the next day when they wake up. this sweet can be given to someone else, but doing so makes them the owner of the sweet. there is the usual side effect of rotting teeth very fast. it is very addictive and quite fattening but is nurishing enough to sustain a village of goblins indefinetly (if they would pass it around, which they don't), also it should not be fed to dogs of any kind (including goblin dogs and hell hounds) as it is lethal to them
the over priced re-edible sweet may only be purchased from the half-blind ogre cook in the back of the tavern that is under the stair way of the castle under your bed at 3 ock on a tuesday afternoon on friday 2nd of january
construction requirements:
craft wonderous item, 10 ranks profession (cook), heroe's feast, miracle and purify food and drink
cost: 1,000,000,000gp
Then I guess I don't really see what the big deal is. It's not as though this is the first time some idiot has used internet anonymity to waste everyone's time by posting stupid crap no one wants to read.
That's a good point. And the same one I've come to on this.
You're good. I feel you.
Likewise we're cool!
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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Then I guess I don't really see what the big deal is. It's not as though this is the first time some idiot has used internet anonymity to waste everyone's time by posting stupid crap no one wants to read.That's a good point. And the same one I've come to on this.
For my part, I appreciate the dedication you - and all the other judges - put into this event. And as you are purely a volunteer showing the hobby some love, I'd say if someone wastes your time, you have a right to be upset. Other side of the coin, I think it shows class for you to come back and say you ought to mellow out about it. While you are completely right about the moron slowing up progress with a fake entry, there's no reason to let it ruin your day. You canned the guy. The forum gets your point, and I respect the class it takes for you to move on. Most of the time, we react to things and never back off, even after a little perspective. You're a better guy than me. When I feel wronged I am very bad at letting it go.
I post this because I respectfully counsel Meepo to acknowledge that you DID mellow out about it, and that it was YOUR time wasted and not his or mine. I think those are the two salient points here.
So come on, Meepo. A little peace among friends is in order, yes?
I'm good with Meepo. ;)
I must admit that after this long discussion I am quite curious what this joke item looks like...
perhaps it was s.th. like this
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot waist; Price 10000 gp; Weight -
these sky-blue pants are interwoven with silver threads and fastened with a moonburst button. If the lunar Pants are dropped th the knees, while bending slightly over every afflicted lycanthrope in humanoid form within line of sight must make a constitution check to change into hybrid form, just as if he was just subject to a "full moon". An afflicted lycanthrope that doesn't make his check is unaffected, all that make their check must spend their next action changing
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, control weather, minor image, suggestion, creator must have at least 5 ranks in Craft(Weaving); Cost5000 gp
Apparantly, a few of the players in my game have acquired these...
Aura strong transmutation; CL 11th
Slot hands (see text); Price 38,000 gp; Weight 4 pounds
These gauntlets, made from the hide of a wandering monster of at least 4 CR’s above what the party should reasonably be expected to defeat, are prized by munchkins and/or rules lawyers, and confer several properties. Firstly, once per encounter it grants the wearer a variable enhancement bonus to Dexterity of +[whatever will raise the PC’s AC to exactly one over the DM’s next attack roll].
Secondly, once per encounter the wearer may, with a successful Bluff check (opposed by the highest Sense Motive check of the other PC’s), swap around up to 2 points of ability scores, 6 skill points, 1 feat, or 3 spells, in order to be “better prepared” for the encounter/trap, etc., at hand – even if not normally allowed by that race/class. (ex.: [PC1:] “Oooh, a troll?!? Good thing I have that flaming sphere spell ready.” [PC2:] “But… you’re a cleric.” [PC1:] “Ummm – it’s a domain spell.”)
And lastly, using the using the command phrase (“cocked dice, dammit”) allows the wearer to claim interference on a random object on the gaming table (character sheet, map, minis, etc) and re-roll an unfavorable die result. This power is usable once day per every 5” the wearer is sitting from the DM.
Both gauntlets must be worn for the magic to be effective – unless the wearer has some other gauntlets or gloves that they also really want to wear, and the DM isn’t paying attention…
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation, misdirection, protection from (DM) law, creator must be a munchkin, assigned to keeping the party treasure list, and have at least 10 ranks in Bluff; Cost 19,000 gp, siphoned off of party treasure
Both gauntlets must be worn for the magic to be effective – unless the wearer has some other gauntlets or gloves that they also really want to wear, and the DM isn’t paying attention…
Heh, almost as good as the staff of needed spells. It seems that the staff always has the exact spell needed :)