Gag Wondrous Items


RPG Superstar™ 2010 General Discussion

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Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens Subscriber

The Anti-Toilet

Aura Overpowering stench; CL 1st
Slot Available Plumbing; Price 2,000 gp Weight 100 lbs.

Description Although resembling a regular toilet, this device acts in the exact opposite manner in a very important way. Upon flushing the device, a perfectly healthy living goldfish is summoned into the bowl. More powerful devices have been reported that can summon creatures as mighty as turtles, alligators, and even humanoids with the Leadership feat (all of which have been named "Jimmy," or so go the rumors).

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Nature's Ally I Cost 1,000 gp plus monthly water/sewage bill.

The Overflow Stack

The only thing known about this archaic stack of otherwise non-magical boxes is that they refuse to allow the recursive amulet to be placed on or in them, immediately assaulting the wielder of the recursive amulet with a barrage of apple cores, causing immense damage.

Liberty's Edge Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Switchblade Comb

Aura faint enchantment CL 5th
Slot back pocket Price 30,000gp Weight-

Description
A beautiful mother-of-pearl knife hilt sports a small silver stud. When the stud is pressed, a silver hair comb springs from the handle. when the stud is pressed a second time, the comb retracts.

The user can then style his hair using the comb. This gives the user the benefits of the eagle's splendor spell, as cast by a 5th level caster. This use of the comb provokes attacks of opportunity, similar to drinking a potion or casting a spell during combat.

In the round immediately after styling his hair, the user may use an attack action to use an effect identical to charm person as cast by a 5th level caster, on any creature with eyes within line of sight. This effect is a gaze attack. It must also be accompanied by a wink and shrug from the user.

This item's user cannot wear a hat, helmet, or other headgear while using this item.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle's splendor, charm person Cost 15,000 gp


Wolfboy wrote:

Switchblade Comb

Aura faint enchantment CL 5th
Slot back pocket Price 30,000gp Weight-

Description
A beautiful mother-of-pearl knife hilt sports a small silver stud. When the stud is pressed, a silver hair comb springs from the handle.

The user can then style his hair using the comb. This gives the user the benefits of the eagle's splendor spell, as cast by a 5th level caster. This use of the comb provokes attacks of opportunity, similar to drinking a potion or casting a spell during combat.

In the round immediately after styling his hair, the user may use an attack action to use an effect identical to charm person as cast by a 5th level caster, on any creature with eyes within line of sight. This effect is a gaze attack. It must also be accompanied by a wink and shrug from the user.

This item's user cannot wear a hat, helmet, or other headgear while using this item.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle's splendor, charm person Cost 15,000 gp

Brilliant!!!! :D

Liberty's Edge Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Broom of Sweeping
Aura strong transmogrification Caster Level 11th
Slot - Price120,000 gp Weight 2 pounds

Description
This item generally appears as a rather ordinary straw broom.

When grasped by any creature, the broom immediately attacks, using a Trip Combat Maneuver. The broom has a Base Attack Bonus +2, is treated as having Strength and Dexterity scores of 18, and has the Improved Trip Feat.

On its first attack, the victim does not receive its Dexterity bonus to its CMD. Subsequent attacks are resolved as normal.

After its first attack is resolved, it continues to flit and dance around the area it is in, making Trip attacks against all creatures in the area. It makes one Trip attempt per round.

When animated, the broom has an AC of 14. It's CMB is +8, when Tripping. It's CMD is 20. The broom has Hardness of 2, with 25 hit points.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Objects, animate objects, grease Cost 60,000 gp

Dark Archive Star Voter Season 6

shouldn't broom items be able to carry buckets of water but be prone to flooding houses?

Liberty's Edge Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

ulgulanoth wrote:
shouldn't broom items be able to carry buckets of water but be prone to flooding houses?

Those're the apprentice's brooms.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 4

Wolfboy wrote:
Those're the apprentice's brooms.

Nice comeback!

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 aka tejón

Noun of the Adjective Noun

...yeah, that's all I've got.


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens Subscriber

I'm surprised that no one's mentioned the Three Wolf Moon shirt, but I guess that's because you have to defeat Pun-Pun first to get it back from him, eh?

Star Voter Season 9

Both Fatespinner and Azmahel wrote:
Recursive Amulet

Big thumbs up for both of these.

The Night Watchman wrote:

The Crown of Resistible Humour

This one also made me smile. Especially: "Once removed, the crown loses all enchantment."

Shinmizu wrote:
The Anti-Toilet

A spell-in-the-can?


Pathfinder Adventure, Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens Subscriber
Meds wrote:
Shinmizu wrote:
The Anti-Toilet
A spell-in-the-can?

Hmm... why, yes, I do suppose so. :)


Endless Thread

Aura strong conjuration; CL13th
Slot - ; Price 120,000 gp; Weight -

Description
The thread is an actual invisible network of wispy lines that live on the etherial plane. Wizard guilds, scholars, and many arcane casters throughout the realms know of the thread and the command word to activate the thread. Upon saying the command word the thread appears from the etherial plane as a large scroll showing current notes, comments and other writings from scholars all over. Upon activating the thread the caster may write his comments and or debates, personal feelings on any topic that other arcane casters are discussing on the thread. (Fluff for Clark) Some say the deities partake in the conversations or even remove flagrant scripts from casters who are posting non-factual subjects of the arcane matter. Once the caster has finished writing his script on the thread he can speak the command word and the scroll disappears, anyone accessing the thread can read the comments once the final command word is given and the thread dissappears.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item arcane mark, plane shift, sending; Cost 60,000 gp

HaHa I couldn't resist. Make way for the Pathfinder arcane web!

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Dredan wrote:
Endless Thread

Ban Hammer

Aura faint evocation; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 8,312 gp; Weight 5 lb.

Description
This weapon functions as a +1 warhammer in the hands of most creatures. When wielded by a moderator, it gains an additional +1 enhancement bonus and any creature it hits is forever unable to activate the endless thread.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, creator must be a moderator; Cost 4,312 gp


Epic Meepo wrote:
When wielded by a moderator, it gains an additional +1 enhancement bonus and any creature it hits is forever unable to activate the endless thread.

That should be "deity" instead of moderator LOL

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

Epic Meepo wrote:

Ban Hammer

Aura faint evocation; CL 6th
Slot -; Price 8,312 gp; Weight 5 lb.

Description
This weapon functions as a +1 warhammer in the hands of most creatures. When wielded by a moderator, it gains an additional +1 enhancement bonus and any creature it hits is forever unable to activate the endless thread.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, creator must be a moderator; Cost 4,312 gp

Not to be confused with the the Nerf Bat

Nerf Bat
Aura Medium evocation; CL 6th
Slot -; Price $7.00; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
This weapon functions as a -2 club in the hands of most creatures. When wielded by a moderator the bat can be used to gently beat posters into submission. Interestingly enough when the bat is welded by a game designer the bat will not harm posters, instead it will form an irate mob that whines about rule clarifications and modifications whenever the bat is swung.

Construction
Requirements Nerf Factory; Cost $1.00


Probably been done already...

Poke Ball
Aura Minor annoyance (when full); CL 0th
Slot -; Price 100 gp; Weight 0.1 lbs when empty.
Description
This small ball, roughly 4" in diameter, is split around the middle and hinged, a small clasp on the front allowing it to be locked closed. Any hard impact, such as the ball being cast at the ground, causes it to split open, releasing its contents.
When empty, the caster can, if they like, poke a familiar of tiny or smaller size into the ball, thus keeping it safely contained and out of the way for retrieval later. The caster may alternatively try to poke any creature of tiny or smaller size into the ball, with success varying depending on the creature involved. While within the ball, the creature is made to suffer cramped, unsanitary conditions and will quite likely be rather angry towards the caster or anything in the immediate vicinity upon release. However, while in the ball, the creature cannot be targeted by anything that requires line of sight and is immune to kidnap attempts by other poke ball owners. Only one creature at a time can be contained in a Poke Ball.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Prestidigitation, Shrink likely needed some point down the line as well; Cost 50 gp

Great Ball
Aura Moderate Annoyance (when full); CL 0
Slot -; Price 500 gp; Weight 0.1 lbs (when empty).
Description
As Poke Ball, only this one casts Dispel Magic on the shrink spell of any creature contained within the ball upon impact. Used mainly by sadistic druids to contain unruly animal companions until needed. Otherwise functions exactly like a Poke ball
Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Dispel Magic; Cost 250 gp

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

This is what happens when I post at 2:30 am...

Villainous Mustache
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot face; Price 64,250 gp; Weight -

Description
This luxurious black mustache curls at both ends. If placed against a creature's upper lip, the mustache remains fastened there until removed by hand.

A villainous mustache constantly radiates silence, as the spell. Within the radius of this silence, all colors fade to black and white. Faded colors return to normal when no longer inside the radius of the silence.

When worn, the mustache produces a ghost sound effect that originates just outside the mustache's silence. This ghost sound effect constantly generates melodramatic piano music to accompany the wearer's movements. The more dramatic the movements, the more dramatic the music.

Once per day, as part of casting a spell, a creature wearing a villainous mustache can twirl one end of the mustache and pantomime laughing maniacally. These gestures replace any verbal components required by the spell being cast.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ghost sound, silence; Cost 32,125 gp

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Epic Meepo wrote:

This is what happens when I post at 2:30 am...

Villainous Mustache
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot face; Price 64,250 gp; Weight -

Description
This luxurious black mustache curls at both ends. If placed against a creature's upper lip, the mustache remains fastened there until removed by hand.

A villainous mustache constantly radiates silence, as the spell. Within the radius of this silence, all colors fade to black and white. Faded colors return to normal when no longer inside the radius of the silence.

When worn, the mustache produces a ghost sound effect that originates just outside the mustache's silence. This ghost sound effect constantly generates melodramatic piano music to accompany the wearer's movements. The more dramatic the movements, the more dramatic the music.

Once per day, as part of casting a spell, a creature wearing a villainous mustache can twirl one end of the mustache and pantomime laughing maniacally. These gestures replace any verbal components required by the spell being cast.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ghost sound, silence; Cost 32,125 gp

I like this! Now we need a Mountie Hat.

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Mountie Hat
Aura faint conjuration, enchantment and transmutation; CL 8th
Slot head; Price 48,000 gp; Weight -

Description
When a character dons this authoritative-looking hat, he must make a Will save (DC 14) or his alignment changes to LG and he takes a -4 penalty to Intelligence and Wisdom. If he notices another character with whom he might have a romantic interest in distress, he is automatically charmed and will do nothing else but attempt to rescue that character. The alignment change and penalties last for an hour after removing the hat, but the penalties do not stack if the character removes and replaces the hat.

In return, the wearer receives a +4 morale bonus on attack rolls, saves, and skill checks, which increase to +6 when he attempts to rescue someone in distress. The character loses the bonus when he removes the hat.

Additionally, the hat summons a phantom steed, which is identical to a steed summoned by the spell, except it is all white.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, heroism, phantom steed, touch of idiocy; Cost 24,000 gp

The Exchange

Ztzalbar's Spinning Ring- Artifact
Aura Overpowering Abjuration Faint Conjuration and Overwhelming Transmutation; CL 35th
Slot; Ring; Cost 340,000,000,000,000,000 x1027gp; Weight -

Description
This Ring was created by a Rakshasa Lord in the height of its reign over an empire of a million worlds spread across a thousand planes demi planes and crystal spheres. This lord was known for his Godlike greed as well as a desire to intimidate others through material possession and displays of overconfidence. Thus Ztazlbar's Spinning Ring was created.

The main body of the ring is made from pure gold harvested at the precise moment of a supernova, engineered specifically for this purpose, which wiped ten trillion souls from existence. The metal was then cooled with tears extorted from a herd of Terrasques. The band of the ring woven with strands of bone from the most ancient of shadow dragons and this held in place by the energy created by the souls of a million slain in the emperor's deepest dungeons. It menaces with spikes of Obsidian and is decorated with the history of Ztzalbar's empire, in miniature which continued to be engraved in real time until the leader’s death a millennia after the beginning of his reign.

The ring is functionally indestructible. It is impervious to any form of physical attack or damage and is treated as having damage reduction of 500/ Class A Deity coupled with a hardness of 6000. Any magic that is cast with the aim of destroying or suppressing the ring automatically fails and the caster must make a DC 45 will save or lose the ability to cast spells permanently. If a portable hole and a bag of holding are both brought within a 100ft radius of the ring they are both destroyed, and if a sphere of annihilation is sent within the same radius of the ring, it is teleported to another plane in the multiverse at random, but not before being teleported to any squares occupied by a creature controlling the sphere. Finally if the ring would be lost within an open or featureless plane or randomly placed into the philostigon it chooses a random sentient creature in the multiverse and places itself on any digit or appendage as appropriate adjusting for size.

Once per day the bearer of the ring may summon a stone table, oriented as they choose stabilizing the ground beneath it. The bearer may then remove the ring and spin it. The primary crowning jewel will point in the closest approximation of north, effectively allowing the bearer to cast Know Direction as cast by a lvl 2 Bard.

Construction
Requirements Craft Ring, Wish, Maximized Greater Unlimited Wish, Miracle, Fabricate, Mordenkiden’s Disjunction, Hobknob with Gods, Know Direction.


And now i know what artifact to give players that joke about wanting to find an artifact


belial33 wrote:
And now i know what artifact to give players that joke about wanting to find an artifact

I love the 'faint conjuration' line. Will make sure to inform any detet magic users of that fact AFTER they recover consciouness

The Exchange

Stuart Lean wrote:
belial33 wrote:
And now i know what artifact to give players that joke about wanting to find an artifact
I love the 'faint conjuration' line. Will make sure to inform any detet magic users of that fact AFTER they recover consciouness

Hey well you could use it to corner the market on stone tables.


Plot Device
Aura overwhelming divination CL 16th
Slot -- Price 1d100 x 1000gp Weight 1000lbs

this intricate device resembles a large wooden box filled with many gears and Springs made of materials like Plotonium. Quintessence, Ectoplasm, Unobtanium, Residue, Starmetal, and Fateweave and more. When a large lever protruding from it's side is pulled several rotary drums set in the front begin and labeled "Villain","Plot","Location","Reward" to spin at astonishing speed. The drums turn for about ten seconds, with device's interior clicking and rocking and then slowly come to an halt one after another. The drums then tell the character who pulled the level vital information about the most interesting and nearest Adventure that awaits him.
One sample Configuration might read: "An ancient Dragon plans to get rich by poisoning a lake at the lost Mountain fortress , defeat him to marry the Kings youngest daughter or get 10000 gp "

A greater Plot device is said to exist, featuring additional drums labeled: Minions, Complications, Twist, and more.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item ,random table, read dm's notes cost half Price

The Exchange

After reading Azmahel's gag device....
----------------------------------------------------
Deus ex machina
Aura Overpowering Conjuration CL 16th
Slot --
Price Beer Money to the GM or offer of a date to the GM with sister
Weight --

This small token, which can be of any shape and color, and decorated with intricate designs laced with materials such as Gold, Silver, and Unobtainium. It is activated when the situation is hopeless and dire for the characters (and the plot). Upon activation, it conjures the necessary NPC, creature, deity's avatar, griffins, etc. that will aid the characters in overcoming their predicament.

One sample Conjuration might be: A flight of Eagles swoop from the air and rescue you from the volcano.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item ,random table, read dm's notes
cost half Price of Beer Money to the GM or half an offer of a date to the GM with sister.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Invisible Hat
Aura overwhelming plot convenience; CL 20th
Slot -; Price priceless; Weight -

Description
This hat can only be seen or otherwise detected by player characters. Although it is head gear, it does not prevent its wearer from using a magic item that occupies the head slot.

When worn by a player character, an invisible hat makes the wearer's presence more desirable to all other player characters. Even if the other player characters just met the wearer, they are mystically compelled to invite the wearer to join them on their latest quest.

Construction
Requirements must have generated a new player character; Cost free.

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