Gag Wondrous Items


RPG Superstar™ 2010 General Discussion

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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

The Judge's Robe of Burdening
Aura strong transmutation; CL 20th
Slot Back; Price Priceless gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This shiny black vestment burdens its wearer with all the judgments and decisions made by it's wearer. For each decision and judgment by the judge increases the encumbrance value of the judge by 1/2 lb. The encumbered weight ride as if on the judge's very shoulders, even when the robe is not worn.
The burden is only removed after specific periods of time. This burden will make the judge cantankerous (save vs will) and has been known to increase the wearer perception level, especially to BS.
the judge's robe will attract 1d10 ass kissers, 1d10 brown-nosers, and 2d20+4 yes men there is a 60% chance that these followers will also be fan boys that attract further unwanted burdens to the the judge.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Sewing, Bolt of cloth made of 65% polyester and 35% combined cotton Cost cost of materials

:)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Monkster wrote:
Apparantly, a few of the players in my game have acquired these... Gauntlets of Over Powered

Awesome! ROTFL!

I hear there's also greater gauntlets of over powered that let you conveniently forget that you've already expended every use of your once-per-day abilities.

To say nothing of the spectacles of misreading text in splat books, but only when it works in your favor.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 aka tejón

Epic Meepo wrote:
To say nothing of the spectacles of misreading text in splat books, but only when it works in your favor.

Even better when combined with a splatbook of the titans.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Golden Ticket

Aura ubermunchkin enchantment; CL 99th
Slot pocket; Price 1,000,000 gp or Free Pizza for a year sent to at least one RPG superstar Judge; Weight Heavy burdon upon your shoulders

Description
This glorious golden ticket not only entitles you to ownership of the chocolate factory (tests of loyalty required) but also immediately moves a submitted wondrous item from the reject pile to the kept list. The user is revered by RPG publishing gurus and showered in the praises of Internet gaming fans.

Construction
Requirements Craft Gag Item, Tons of ranks in Bluff or Diplomacy, epic wish, epic begging and pleading Cost ½ 1,000,000gp or a coupon for free pizza for a year.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

MythrilDragon wrote:

Golden Ticket

Aura ubermunchkin enchantment; CL 99th
Slot pocket; Price 1,000,000 gp or Free Pizza for a year sent to at least one RPG superstar Judge; Weight Heavy burdon upon your shoulders

Description
This glorious golden ticket not only entitles you to ownership of the chocolate factory (tests of loyalty required) but also immediately moves a submitted wondrous item from the reject pile to the kept list. The user is revered by RPG publishing gurus and showered in the praises of Internet gaming fans.

Construction
Requirements Craft Gag Item, Tons of ranks in Bluff or Diplomacy, epic wish, epic begging and pleading Cost ½ 1,000,000gp or a coupon for free pizza for a year.

Nice. Very nice.

What I really like is that you left out the silly creation backstory, which would have read as follows:

"Originally created by arch-lich Kire Anom to fend off the overbearing Orcus, lord of undeath, and the grasping clutches of the Kobold king, these golden tickets are prized by creators of arcane items throughout the planes of existence."

It may be true, but its not needed. See, your gag item makes an awesome submission...

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Clark Peterson wrote:
See, your gag item makes an awesome submission...

Now your making me second guess my actual entry for this year. Had I only know you would have prefered the "Golden Ticket".

By the way....do you like pizza? ;)


Eric's Bouncing Bullet
Aura Overpowered enchantment; CL 25th
Slot Ammo; Price nil;
Weight .01 lb

This appears to be a simple sling stone... because it is. Thanks to clever miss-use of rules, long arguments with a dm, a few augmentations, and a hefty dose annoying power gamer bs, this simple stone functions as +5 adamantine bullet on firing, with it's alignment and element changing to overcome any dependent DR. It can be used at range to trip, sunder, and disarm at full bonus. Upon striking its target it flings it's self 30 in a random direction using a d8 to determine, striking the first object or person it comes in contact with as if taking 20 on it's attack roll. It repeats this process every round for a number of rounds that Eric determines. The bullet with never strike Eric due do his characters convenient immunity to everything.

Craft:

Special- may only be crafted by Eric or a power gamer of equal quality.

Cost- One stone... or no stone if one is not available to Eric.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Ascetic Spiked Chain of Tripping
Aura: moderate confusion CL: 12th
Slot: weapon Price: 23,325g weight: 10lbs
Description:
This weapon appears to be nothing more than a simple masterwork spiked chain. When used by a monk as part of a flurry of blows, however, it gains a +3 enhancement bonus and grants it's wielder the improved trip and greater trip feats.

Construction: craft magic arms and armor, improved trip, greater trip, and 5+ ranks in the completely clueless skill. Cost to Create: 11,825g

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Monkster wrote:

Apparantly, a few of the players in my game have acquired these...

Gauntlets of Over Powered
Aura strong transmutation; CL 11th
Slot hands (see text); Price 38,000 gp; Weight 4 pounds ...

Arrggh. I have a couple of these and added a cursed version.

Gauntlets of the Blue Moon Drake
These gloves function exactly like the gauntlets of overpowered, except that each time an ability is used, 1d30 -2 lycanthropic blue dragons are summoned. These drakes may make Coup de' Grace attacks as a standard action against any target wearing the gloves.

Each of these blue dragons has a tail-ring of regeneration, unless any PC has a tail in which case it is a frill ring of regeneration, unless any PC has frills in which case it is a half-troll drake.

PCs bit by these drakes must make a fortitude save (DC whatever the PC rolls +1 or (+3 if you 'forgot' the song again)) or become a blue dragon.

As summoned creatures these drakes do not have any treasure (no not even rings) and do not award any experience.

Construction Craft cursed item, dragon form I, summon DMs ire Caster level: Epic, Cost 19000 gp siphoned from future encounters or previous encounters that happened when you failed that spot check I asked for and you were too busy reading broken splat books on your iphone.

Characters who survive and become blue dragons are summoned 1d12 days later to some other person's campaign. No I do not know whose, just not mine. No go to someone else's dining room table. No, I do not care if you take your Doritos tm with you. Fine be that way.


NOAH TIPTON wrote:


Craft:

Special- may only be crafted by Eric or a power gamer of equal quality.

Hey! I resemble that remark...I have been accused far too often..and proud of it! hehe

And my 29th lvl wizard 5 archmage dies every session no matter what I do or have! I think I need to accuse our DM of PowerDMing!

To each his own :)


Ring to Avoid Disappointment

Aura Divination; CL 1800th
Slot Hand; Price Always a bargain Weight -

Description
This ring works only in conjunction with scrying devices and is completely useless without one. In conjunction with any kind of scrying the wearer is able to place a geas on the adventure location at the other end, preventing any other adverturing party from looting the location until the wearer and their friends has arrived.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Message, Geas Cost Usually free, but with a monthly tariff of around 1000gp (operator charges may vary)


The Crown of Resistible Humour
Aura Strong enchantment; CL 10
Slot Head; Price 1gp for six Weight -
Description
The Crown of Resistible humour is usually found wrapped in a gaudy parchment canister. When opened, there is a small (non-damaging) explosion, and a folded piece of golden parchment will will emerge – this, when unfolded, takes the shape of a crown. When the crown is put on, the wearer must immediately begin making a will save every round. Each failed save compels the wearer to abort any other actions and tell a joke. These jokes are bad, causing all who hear them to make a Will save (DC 5) or fall temporarily insane (this includes the wearer, who has to save merely for even thinking them – silence may save everyone else, but not the poor fool wearing the crown).
A Break Enchantment or Remove Curse (DC 20) will remove the crown's effects. Once removed, the crown loses all enchantment.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Symbol of Insanity Cost -


Monkster wrote:

Apparantly, a few of the players in my game have acquired these...

Gauntlets of Over Powered
Aura strong transmutation; CL 11th
Slot hands (see text); Price 38,000 gp; Weight 4 pounds
Description
These gauntlets, made from the hide of a wandering monster of at least 4 CR’s above what the party should reasonably be expected to defeat, are prized by munchkins and/or rules lawyers, and confer several properties. Firstly, once per encounter it grants the wearer a variable enhancement bonus to Dexterity of +[whatever will raise the PC’s AC to exactly one over the DM’s next attack roll].

Secondly, once per encounter the wearer may, with a successful Bluff check (opposed by the highest Sense Motive check of the other PC’s), swap around up to 2 points of ability scores, 6 skill points, 1 feat, or 3 spells, in order to be “better prepared” for the encounter/trap, etc., at hand – even if not normally allowed by that race/class. (ex.: [PC1:] “Oooh, a troll?!? Good thing I have that flaming sphere spell ready.” [PC2:] “But… you’re a cleric.” [PC1:] “Ummm – it’s a domain spell.”)

And lastly, using the using the command phrase (“cocked dice, dammit”) allows the wearer to claim interference on a random object on the gaming table (character sheet, map, minis, etc) and re-roll an unfavorable die result. This power is usable once day per every 5” the wearer is sitting from the DM.

Both gauntlets must be worn for the magic to be effective – unless the wearer has some other gauntlets or gloves that they also really want to wear, and the DM isn’t paying attention…
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation, misdirection, protection from (DM) law, creator must be a munchkin, assigned to keeping the party treasure list, and have at least 10 ranks in Bluff; Cost 19,000 gp, siphoned off of party treasure

Hah... That reminds me of something:

Gauntlets of Hamster Power
Aura strong transmutation; CL 15th
Slot hands; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 pound
Description
These gauntlets, crafted from the finest haired hamster pelts, confer upon the wearer the strength of several hundred exceedingly irate hamsters.
For the purpose of all attack rolls, damage rolls, and opposed strength checks the wearer's strength is treated as being 1. The bearer gains a bite attack (1d2 damage), which is treated as a natural attack that the wearer is proficient in. Due to the large goofy teeth that the wearer sprouts, the bearer receives a circumstance penalty to Charisma related Skill checks in most situations which varies from -1 to -5 at the GM's discretion, although the penalty may be reversed and become a bonus for the purposes of Perform [Comedy] checks and interactions with hamster-loving children.
If held captive, the wearer can (as soon as their captor is not paying any attention) automatically escape any bonds, shackles, locked dungeon cells, other-dimensional imprisonment or similar such situations as a full round action (although often in an improbable manner such as by somehow squeezing under a cell door, which won't be usable by comrades). This ability does not work for the purposes of escaping grapples except against opponents who are either mindless or otherwise incapable of currently paying attention.
The gauntlets are treated as cursed items and once both are donned cannot be removed without a successful remove curse (DC25).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, limited wish; Cost 5,000 gp.

Dark Archive

Azmahel wrote:

perhaps it was s.th. like this

Lunar Pants
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot waist; Price 10000 gp; Weight -
Description
these sky-blue pants are interwoven with silver threads and fastened with a moonburst button. If the lunar Pants are dropped th the knees, while bending slightly over every afflicted lycanthrope in humanoid form within line of sight must make a constitution check to change into hybrid form, just as if he was just subject to a "full moon". An afflicted lycanthrope that doesn't make his check is unaffected, all that make their check must spend their next action changing
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, control weather, minor image, suggestion, creator must have at least 5 ranks in Craft(Weaving); Cost5000 gp

And my co-workers now think me completely insane. Thank you for putting a smile on my face as I'm sitting on hold!

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Tetujin

Might as well take this as a chance to make sure I'm doing the formatting correctly before sending my submission.

Pants of Flying
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot waist; Price 10,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
These pants are adorned with numerous wings and fans, which in addition to being quite cumbersome (the wearer counts as carrying a medium load), allow the wearer to fly as per the spell at will. Unfortunately, since the pants have all the pull the wearer hangs upside-down while in flight, leaving him flat-footed, and after 10 minutes of continuous flight, fatigued from the blood rushing to his head.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fly, 0 ranks in Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) and Balance; Cost 5,000 gp


Casey Smith wrote:

Might as well take this as a chance to make sure I'm doing the formatting correctly before sending my submission.

Pants of Flying
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot waist; Price 10,000 gp; Weight - lbs.
Description
These pants are adorned with numerous wings and fans, which in addition to being quite cumbersome (the wearer counts as carrying a medium load), allow the wearer to fly as per the spell at will. Unfortunately, since the pants have all the pull the wearer hangs upside-down while in flight, leaving him flat-footed, and after 10 minutes of continuous flight, fatigued from the blood rushing to his head.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fly, 0 ranks in Knowledge (Architecture and Engineering) and Balance; Cost 5,000 gp

Good thing this is a gag item... The Knowledge skill you refer to has no architecture component in PFRPG being just plain Knowledge(Engineering), and Balance has been folded into Acrobatics... ;)

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7 aka Draconas

Swiss Army-in-a-Can
Aura strong universal; CL 17th
Slot none; Price 100,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
This ordinary metal can seems to be crafted of seamless tin and requires some device like a knife or opener to breach its interior. The exterior of the can is a uniform shade of red except where a simple white cross is blazed across it.

Once opened, a thick mist begins to spill forth from the can, not stopping until it fills an area of 100 ft x 100 ft over the course of one minute. One round later, the mist condenses into rows of armored infantry, mounted knights, and crossbow men equaling 1,000 soldiers under the control of the can’s user. Once summoned, the army lasts for 10 rounds and can be commanded by the can’s user to attack an enemy, defend a position, or once per round, mimic any arcane or divine spell as if a caster of 17th level produced it. When using this last ability, there is a 5% cumulative chance per round that the desired spell will instead create a mound of delicious chocolates.

After ten rounds, the army fades back into mist that evaporates shortly thereafter. A Swiss Army-in-a-Can is useless and non-magical once used.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost 50,000 gp

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 aka tejón

Salvation Army-in-a-Can
Aura faint unshowered; CL 0th
Slot -; Price -; Weight conscience;
Description
This can contains soup. It's nothing special, but it keeps one person fed for a day. The soup is not replenished after the can is opened.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost goodwill

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7 aka Draconas

tejón wrote:

Salvation Army-in-a-Can

Aura faint unshowered; CL 0th
Slot -; Price -; Weight conscience;
Description
This can contains soup. It's nothing special, but it keeps one person fed for a day. The soup is not replenished after the can is opened.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, miracle or wish; Cost goodwill

Now there is a Wonderous Item for the Holidays. Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

Don't feel like writing up the full stat blocks, but here are a few gag items I made up a few years back.

Manual of Literacy: Upon completing a perusal of this tome, the reader gains literacy in the language in which the manual is written.

Elixir of Wuv: The imbiber uses an annoyingly cute pet name to address the next person he sees.

Piccolo of Blasting: Same effect as a Horn of Blasting, but with only a three-foot area of effect.

Basin of Displacement: If filled with water and used to bathe in, the basin makes it difficult to perceive the occupant's naughty bits (50% chance to "miss"). It also causes the occupant to suddenly comprehend a method for measuring the volume of a solid object.

Ion stone: Although too tiny to perceive with the unaided eye, this negatively charged stone circles the head of its owner and provides constant protection against electrical attacks. After absorbing 1 HP of electrical energy damage, the stone burns out and turns dull gray.

Horn of Y'all Holler: Once per week, the horn can be blown to summon 2d4+1 hillbillies, who offer the user a nice homecooked meal and a plug of 'chaw. After 1 hour, the hillbillies vanish with a friendly admonishment: "Y'all holler if'n there's anythin' ya need!?"

Decanter of Endless Kool-Aid: Upon command, this ordinary-looking flask increases in size and animates, becoming a Large glass construct. The construct proclaims "OH YEAH!!!" and proceeds to dispense a limitless supply of cherry Kool-Aid to any and all takers.

Cube of Brute-Force: The user can (and will) roll this ordinary-looking die as many times as it takes to generate the ability scores he desires.

Goggles of Disguise: A largish false nose and bushy moustache are affixed to these thick-rimmed glasses. At will, the wearer can change his appearance to that of any humanoid creature wearing thick-rimmed glasses with a false nose and moustache.

Amulet of Meditation: A divine spellcaster who wears this amulet while resting can prepare one additional spell of the lowest level she can cast. During the requisite period of rest, the amulet compels the wearer to utter the syllable "OM" in a full, sonorous tone once each minute. No one else in the party can get any sleep.

And finally one that someone else made up (don't know who):

Dart of Healing: When thrown, this dart heals the creature it strikes for 1d4 points of damage.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

Ariax wrote:


Decanter of Endless Kool-Aid: Upon command, this ordinary-looking flask increases in size and animates, becoming a Large glass construct. The construct proclaims "OH YEAH!!!" and proceeds to dispense a limitless supply of cherry Kool-Aid to any and all takers.

Undoubtedly the stat block for this construct would mention that it is capable of ignoring the hardness rating of walls when making a charge.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 aka Gamer Girrl

I posted this gag item last year, but since there's a whole new audience, enjoy :)

GLAMOUR SCRUTINIZER

Aura faint divination; CL 3rd
Slot –; Weight 1 lb.; Price[/b] 2,400gp

DESCRIPTION
This aged, red velvet bag, embroidered with fine gold thread, contains sixteen grey stones, each inscribed with a unique rune. Once per day, an arcane/divine caster may use the stones in the following manner. The caster must know what spells he plans to prepare for the day, but not actual be studying or praying yet. Concentrating deeply, he closes his eyes, reaches into the bag, pulls out a random handful of stones (the number will “feel” right when he has them in his hand) and casts them on the ground before him.

If the spells planned are incorrect, the runes will give cryptic riddles for the caster to solve, in order to come up with the right spells. This will take a minimum of one hour if an INT roll is successfully made, DC 25. If this roll fails, add the number missed to one for the number of hours spent unraveling the conundrums.

If the spells planned are correct for the day, the stones will fall into the form of a smiling face on the ground before him.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, augery, prestidigitation; Cost 1,200gp

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

Well, was hoping to write this up before christmas day, but the season is still appropriate, at least. Hopefully this doesn't reflect my actual ability to meet deadlines, on the offhand chance my actual item makes it through.

Top Hat of Frigid Doom
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot Head; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description

This old silk hat seems innocuous enough to the casual glance; faded, slightly battered, with a yellow silk flower stuck in the brim. It reveals its magic powers only when placed upon a mound of snow that had been sculpted into rough humanoid form. At this point, two coal-black eyes open in the 'face' of this snow mass, which promptly becomes a snow elemental (treat as a medium earth elemental with the Cold subtype; Earth Glide and Earth Mastery are replaced by equivalent abilities involving snow and ice.) The elemental remains summoned indefinitely, though it is immediately unsummoned should the hat fall off of its head, and will melt in temperatures above freezing (taking 5 hp/hour damage in such temperatures.) In any event, the magic of the hat is not expended and may be used to conjure another such elemental at a later time.

This creature is, however, in no way under the control of the one who placed the hat upon its head, and will frequently attack those who brought it into this world. In fact, the last thing that many an adventurer seeking to have some harmless winter fun by their campsite has heard are the dread words, pronounced in sepulchral tones: "Happy... Birthday..."

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Summon Monster IV Cost 7,000 gp

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Here is an item that appears frequently, but never gets the write-up it deserves.

Until now ...

--- --- ---
Chainmail Bikini
Aura moderate conjuration and faint abjuration; CL 8th or higher
Slot body; Price 17,500 gp (base), 26,500 gp (+1), 37,500 gp (+2), 50,500 gp (+3), 65,500 gp (+4); Weight 1 lb.
Description
These items are a rather skimpy, matched brassier and loincloth, crafted of very fine mithral links. When worn they surround the character with an invisible but tangible field of force, granting her the same armor bonus as if she were wearing a chain shirt, which can be further enchanted with up to a +4 additional armor bonus. Both parts of this item must be worn for the magic to be effective, but as a garment rather then a true suit of armor, the bikini imposes no arcane spell failure chance, movement reduction, armor check penalty or maximum dexterity bonus. A member of any humanoid or demi-human race can wear the bikini, as it will magically resize as needed. The chainmail bikini and ordinary armor do not stack. If the creature wears any other armor or clothing, the bikini ceases to function.

The field of force created by the chainmail bikini has two important side benefits. In addition to the armor bonus, the force field also provides protection against the elements equivalent to a continuously operating Endure Elements spell, providing complete comfort in temperatures ranging from -50º to 140º Fahrenheit without having to make fortitude saves. The other, and occasionally the more useful, side effect is that field of force allows a female wearer to have a fuller, firmer figure adding a +2 circumstance bonus to all charisma based skills - but on a male wearer, the suit just looks silly, inflicting a -2 circumstance penalty to all charisma based skills.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mage armor, endure elements, the creator must be 8th level to create the base bikini, and must be two additional levels higher for each additional plus to be added to the garment; Cost 8,750 gp (base), 13,250 gp (+1), 18,750 gp (+2), 25,250 gp (+3), 32,750 gp (+4)
Variation
A cleric can also create this item, substituting shield of faith for the mage armor spell. The item creation otherwise works identically with respect to level and cost requirements. The item's Aura would change to "moderate abjuration."

--- --- ---

As a side note, I play a Wizard in Gamer Girrl's CotCT campaign who would be capable to making this item. And I know a Half-Elven Priestess of Shelyn, a Half-Elven female Rogue, and a Human female Paladin who might actually benefit from one of these.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 4

Lord Fyre wrote:

Here is an item that appears frequently, but never gets the write-up it deserves.

Until now ...

--- --- ---
Chainmail Bikini

Okay, I generally lack much in the way of a sense of humor about most joke items, but yeah.. this one made me smile. Well played.

I even chuckled as I was skimming it when I got to the part about "the bikini ceases to function..".. Whoohoo! ...until I re-read it and realized you were addressing (another bad pun) stacking rules.

Stacking rules.

::rolls eyes and shakes head at self::

Yeah, good gag item.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

Lord Fyre wrote:
The other, and occasionally the more useful, side effect is that field of force allows a female wearer to have a fuller, firmer figure adding a +2 circumstance bonus to all charisma based skills - but on a male wearer, the suit just looks silly, inflicting a -2 circumstance penalty to all charisma based skills.

SEXISM! Men should be allowed a disguise check to... ahem... 'make it work'. (Involving, I guess, a minimum -4 penalty on the initial disguise check: -2 for the item, -2 for being disguised as a different gender, in return allowing the +2 circumstance bonus on all future charisma checks if you beat the opposed perception score...)

Seriously, very cute item. And props for successfully justifying this as a wondrous item rather than a piece of armor.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

DankeSean wrote:
Lord Fyre wrote:
The other, and occasionally the more useful, side effect is that field of force allows a female wearer to have a fuller, firmer figure adding a +2 circumstance bonus to all charisma based skills - but on a male wearer, the suit just looks silly, inflicting a -2 circumstance penalty to all charisma based skills.

SEXISM! Men should be allowed a disguise check to... ahem... 'make it work'. (Involving, I guess, a minimum -4 penalty on the initial disguise check: -2 for the item, -2 for being disguised as a different gender, in return allowing the +2 circumstance bonus on all future charisma checks if you beat the opposed perception score...)

Seriously, very cute item. And props for successfully justifying this as a wondrous item rather than a piece of armor.

Well, the complaint that I have often heard is that a bikini would not work as a piece of armor. So, accepting that criticism I went with the "Bracers of Armor" as the base item, and worked from there.

Then I was also able to hit some of the added benefits of "bikini armor."


Adventure Path Charter Subscriber

I would hope that a well-made and written gag item wouldn't be automatically rejected simply because it's a gag item. There's always been room for humor in D&D. I'd hate for it to disappear.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

Bill Dunn wrote:
I would hope that a well-made and written gag item wouldn't be automatically rejected simply because it's a gag item. There's always been room for humor in D&D. I'd hate for it to disappear.

There is another thread that follows this topic directly.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 aka amusingsn

Lord Fyre wrote:


Chainmail Bikini
....

This would be even more amusing to me if it had "creator must be a male" as part of its requirements.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

amusingsn wrote:
Lord Fyre wrote:


Chainmail Bikini
....
This would be even more amusing to me if it had "creator must be a male" as part of its requirements.

Hey? Why can't I make one of these for myself?

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6

Drone 7-of-9 wrote:
amusingsn wrote:
Lord Fyre wrote:


Chainmail Bikini
....
This would be even more amusing to me if it had "creator must be a male" as part of its requirements.
Hey? Why can't I make one of these for myself?

Umm, you have to be measured for it, yeah that's it.

I'd have been amused 'crafter must have cold hands' myself.

Contributor

Bill Dunn wrote:
I would hope that a well-made and written gag item wouldn't be automatically rejected simply because it's a gag item. There's always been room for humor in D&D. I'd hate for it to disappear.

There's always been room for humor in music, too. But the question is, are you good at game design AND humor at the same time? Because this is a competition about good game design, not a comedy competition. A funny item may have its place in a compendium of magic items, but if ALL we have to judge you by on R1 is a funny item that isn't novel or interesting in it's game design, you've set yourself up for failure.

Or, to put it this way: if you're trying to win American Idol, is your audition song "Bohemian Rhapsody" because it's a difficult and strong song, or is your audition song "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer" because you want to make the judges laugh? Which one really shows that you have what it takes to win a singing competition?

And while there are people who'd audition for American Idol with "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer," that contest has THOUSANDS of entries and the judges in that contest narrow it down to maybe 100-200 entries for each city they visit. They can afford to let in a few funny people just to make the contest quirky. RPG Superstar is on a much smaller scale, and the judges have to narrow the first round to 32 contestants, not hundreds; we have to be more serious about who we let through because we'd rather let in a talented but unfunny designer than a funny but untalented designer; the former has a chance at winning the competition, the latter doesn't. Yes, there are designers who are talented AND funny, but they're very rare, and unless we see talent in their R1 entry (whether or not it's funny), they're not going to advance.


Lord Fyre wrote:

Here is an item that appears frequently, but never gets the write-up it deserves.

Until now ...

--- --- ---
Chainmail Bikini

Spoiler:

Aura moderate conjuration and faint abjuration; CL 8th or higher
Slot body; Price 17,500 gp (base), 26,500 gp (+1), 37,500 gp (+2), 50,500 gp (+3), 65,500 gp (+4); Weight 1 lb.
Description
These items are a rather skimpy, matched brassier and loincloth, crafted of very fine mithral links. When worn they surround the character with an invisible but tangible field of force, granting her the same armor bonus as if she were wearing a chain shirt, which can be further enchanted with up to a +4 additional armor bonus. Both parts of this item must be worn for the magic to be effective, but as a garment rather then a true suit of armor, the bikini imposes no arcane spell failure chance, movement reduction, armor check penalty or maximum dexterity bonus. A member of any humanoid or demi-human race can wear the bikini, as it will magically resize as needed. The chainmail bikini and ordinary armor do not stack. If the creature wears any other armor or clothing, the bikini ceases to function.

The field of force created by the chainmail bikini has two important side benefits. In addition to the armor bonus, the force field also provides protection against the elements equivalent to a continuously operating Endure Elements spell, providing complete comfort in temperatures ranging from -50º to 140º Fahrenheit without having to make fortitude saves. The other, and occasionally the more useful, side effect is that field of force allows a female wearer to have a fuller, firmer figure adding a +2 circumstance bonus to all charisma based skills - but on a male wearer, the suit just looks silly, inflicting a -2 circumstance penalty to all charisma based skills.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mage armor, endure elements, the...

The cursed version would cause a competence penalty from the constant pinching and chaffing.


Surely the cursed version 'malfunctions' every time you roll a natural 1...

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

Whitman wrote:
Surely the cursed version 'malfunctions' every time you roll a natural 1...

Would that be a curse or an enhancement?

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 aka Gamer Girrl

Her-ette Drone 7-of-9 wrote:
Whitman wrote:
Surely the cursed version 'malfunctions' every time you roll a natural 1...
Would that be a curse or an enhancement?

Depends on your point of view :)

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Ariax wrote:

...

Decanter of Endless Kool-Aid: Upon command, this ordinary-looking flask increases in size and animates, becoming a Large glass construct. The construct proclaims "OH YEAH!!!" and proceeds to dispense a limitless supply of cherry Kool-Aid to any and all takers.
and ...

Just found this and it is a definately monster in a err... pitcher.


Somewhere in the distant past I wrote up a magical spiked brassiere (and the suggested feat build for making the best use of it), but alas, such would be a magic weapon, and not a wondrous item. :)

Cheers

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 aka Lord Fyre

erikscottdebie wrote:
Somewhere in the distant past I wrote up a magical spiked brassiere (and the suggested feat build for making the best use of it), but alas, such would be a magic weapon, and not a wondrous item. :)

You make a good point. ;P

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka A Man In Black

Ariax wrote:
Ion stone: Although too tiny to perceive with the unaided eye, this negatively charged stone circles the head of its owner and provides constant protection against electrical attacks. After absorbing 1 HP of electrical energy damage, the stone burns out and turns dull gray.

I made one of these for a gag game, although it was a bit more useful. It absorbed 1 electrical damage, then could fire off a lightning bolt that did 1 damage.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Bill Dunn wrote:
I would hope that a well-made and written gag item wouldn't be automatically rejected simply because it's a gag item. There's always been room for humor in D&D. I'd hate for it to disappear.

Boomer's Monkey Pants might have made the top 32 :)

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Sean K Reynolds wrote:
Yes, there are designers who are talented AND funny, but they're very rare.

Again. Boomer. Monkeys.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 4

Clark,

The Monkey Pants were Chad Patterson, not Boomer. No disrespect intended, just making sure the right guy is properly attributed. Your point is well taken and much appreciated.

I guess that also demonstrates that Boomer wasn't the only one to get a radical and/or funny idea past the Judges

Star Voter Season 9

Watcher wrote:

Clark,

The Monkey Pants were Chad Patterson, not Boomer. No disrespect intended, just making sure the right guy is properly attributed. Your point is well taken and much appreciated.

I guess that also demonstrates that Boomer wasn't the only one to get a radical and/or funny idea past the Judges

In an item category as broad and perennially popular as 'Monkey Pants', it's not surprising there are many:

Boomer's Pants of the Many Monkeys were my favorite moment from RPGSuperstar yet.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 4

I stand corrected Clark. Who would have figured?

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Watcher wrote:
I stand corrected Clark. Who would have figured?

It's may fault for using the wrong item name. Boomer's Item was the Pants of the Many Monkeys. Apparently the guy you mentioned did a Monkey Pants too? If so, then we were both right. :)

But yeah, the gag item I was referencing that might have made the top 32 was the one by Boomer linked above.

Star Voter Season 9

With apologies to Messrs. Boomer and Kisko.

Minimus Locker of the Breaching Legion
Aura strong conjuration; CL 0th
Slot —; Price priceless; Weight —.

Description
Once a year, the locker can summon a hairless creature with a humanoid face, the Minimus. After a few moments the Minimus animates and the creature's face begins to take the appearance of the summoner.

A Minimus summoned by the locker is not considered summoned for purposes of its own summoning abilities. A summoned Minimus has its own Minimus locker of the breaching legion which it may, in turn, use to summon its own Minimi (eventually, after college), and so on, ad infinitum.

The Minimus has the attributes and type of its summoner (although ocassional variation is inevitable). The summoning has a casting time of months and an instantaneous duration. The locker is invisible, intangible, and undetectable by any normal means. The Minimus refuses to obey any commands that its summoner dictates. Nevertheless, the Minimus fills its summoner with utter and inexplicable joy.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, summon nature's ally I; Cost priceless

Dark Archive Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Bill Dunn wrote:
I would hope that a well-made and written gag item wouldn't be automatically rejected simply because it's a gag item. There's always been room for humor in D&D. I'd hate for it to disappear.

Two-part Dragon adventure the "Twofold Talisman" comes to mind

Dark Archive Star Voter Season 6

the wondrous item of the unknown
rules: well if everyone knew them then it wouldn't be an item of the unknown would it?
description: unknown
background: utterly unknown

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