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I had no idea what the other players were making.
A common problem and a good reason to be wary of this anathema. Try, but if it gets too difficult, roleplay your superstitious idea and actually take another type of barbarian so you don't have to worry about the troublesome mechanics.
I was researching mosters for another campaign and found this strange ability of the Deimavigga (Apostate Devil):
Whispers of Discord Trigger A creature within 60 feet is targeted by a spell that would restore Hit Points or provide a status bonus (the deimavigga automatically recognizes such effects); Effect The deimavigga whispers disturbing lies, audible only to the target, to shake the target's faith in the spell's caster. The target must attempt a DC 43 Will save.
Critical Success The target disbelieves the lies and receives the intended benefit of the spell; the target becomes temporarily immune to Whispers of Discord for 24 hours.
Success As critical success, but the target isn't temporarily immune.
Failure The spell fails to affect the target. The target refuses all aid from that caster for 1 round and doesn't count as the caster's ally.
Critical Failure As failure, but the duration is 1 minute.
This seems to imply one can choose whom you see as an ally based on your own perceptions. I fully expect this would affect flanking/threatening abilities as well. There is no trait listed for this ability to otherwise explain this unwillingness to accept a beneficial spell.
It's not that one can choose, but rather than some effects or spells force you to treat somebody as an ally or enemy.
1) Caster casts a heal on the barbarian
2) The enemy witnesses the cast and uses a reaction in order to prevent it.
3) the barbarian attempts a saving throw against the spell/ability.
4) if the barbarian fails or critically fails the saving throw, the spell has no effect on them and they consider the caster not their ally for x rounds.
Not being the caster's ally would obvioualy result into no flanling, aid, champion reactions, and anything requiring an ally.
But it's no that you choose depends your perception, but rather that you follow what a specific spell says.