Funny / joke spells

[Yqatuba]

I'm a couple days late on this, but anyone have some? Here's one of mine

Righteous Mite
School: Conjuration (Summoning) [Good]
Level: Clr/Ora: 1, Pal 1, Summoner 1
Casting Time: 1 round
Components: V, S
Range: close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: Summoned mite
Duration 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: None Spell Resistance: No

Description:
This spell summons a righteous mite (treat as a giant tick with the celestial simple template) under the caster's control.

[Sandslice]

Colour of Life (R)
School: Illusion (glamer); Level: Arc/Wiz/Sor 1, Bard 1, Clr/Ora 1 (gnome)
Casting time: 1 standard action
Components: S
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving throw: Will disbelief or Will negates (see text); SR: No

Developed by the Wonderseekers, this spell is designed with the primary purpose of helping gnomes stave off the Bleaching by injecting some harmless randomness into magic. While you under the effects of this spell, you gain two powers.

- Spells that you cast will manifest with random auditory, visual, and other sensory effects.
- Once per round as a free action, you may choose one non-instantaneous spell affected by colour of life; this spell then manifests a different set of random sensory effects.

Affected spells will continue to manifest these effects throughout their own duration, or that of colour of life, whichever is longer. Colour of life cannot affect illusion or enchantment spells, or spells of permanent duration. If you try to affect a divination spell, the world momentarily becomes extremely groovy; you must attempt a Will save or become fascinated for a number of rounds equal to the divination spell's actual level (minimum 1.)

Creatures attempting to use Spellcraft to identify an affected spell must first attempt a Will save to disbelieve the random glamers. If this fails, the DC to identify increases by +5.

Special: Casting this spell on the First World, in an area of primal magic, or on a chaotic plane may result in mind-blowing sensory effects. Of course, if you are casting this spell, you are probably a gnome, so get out there and show the world!

[Warped Savant]

Not a joke spell, per se, but I always laugh at some of the spell components in the game.

Detect Thoughts is a copper ("penny for your thoughts")
Passwall is sesame seeds ("open sesame")

And then other things like Cloud Giants having Scent when most other giants don't. ("Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman...")

[avr]

Eight years of this.

[Yqatuba]

Warped Savant wrote:

Not a joke spell, per se, but I always laugh at some of the spell components in the game.

Detect Thoughts is a copper ("penny for your thoughts")
Passwall is sesame seeds ("open sesame")

And then other things like Cloud Giants having Scent when most other giants don't. ("Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman...")

I noticed the Detect Thoughts one early on, but somehow missed the Passwall till now. I think Find The Path should require a bunch of breadcrumbs (or a ball of twine, or both).

[Bjørn Røyrvik]

A couple from the pages of Dragon.

Gain Weight
(Transmutation)
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Components: V, S, M
Range: close
Duration: 1 hour/level
Target: 1 creature
Saving throw: Fortitude negates
Spell resistance: yes

The target's body mass increases by 25%/level (max 300%). The increase is useless mass, usually fat, that acts as a hindrance. for every 2 caster levels the target suffers a -1 penalty to Dexterity and has her speed reduced by 5, to a maximum of -6 and a minimum speed of 5. Clothes and worn equipment may become too small to wear, in which case it bursts or shrugs off. Targets cannot receive damage from becoming too big for their clothes.
Material Components: a 50 lb wheel of old cheese, balance on the head during casting
Known to: Mog

Macho's Uncontrollable Hideous Belching
(Enchantment) [compulsion]
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Components: V, S, M
Range: close
Duration: 1 round/level
Target: 1 creature/3 levels in a 30' cube
Saving throw: Will negates
Spell resistance: yes

Affected creatures start bleching loudly and uncontrollably, leaving behind a faint aroma of stale ale. The belching does not intererfere in normal actions, and spellcasting that takes less than a round is unaffected (otherwise requiring a Concentration check DC 15).
Material Components: a quart of ale and two pork sausages
Known to: Mog

Pelf's Rancid Arrow
(Conjuration) [acid]
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Components: V, S, M
Range: medium
Duration: Instantaneous
Area: 1'radius/level
Saving throw: Reflex negates/special
Spell resistance: no

You fire an arrow of concentrated vinegar. You may make a ranged touch attck to hit a specific target at range. the arrow splashes everything in the area with the vinegar, making it unpalatable to all but the least choosy of eaters (such as insects and trolls). All creatures in the area must make a saving throw to avoid being blinded by the stinging vinegar for 1d4 rounds. At the DM's option the vinegar may dissolve certain non-magical adhesives.
Material Components: a bottle of vinegar
Known to: Mog

Summon Deadly Smog
(Conjuration) [calling]
Level: Sor/Wiz 5
Casting Time: 30 minutes
Components: V, S
Range: medium
Duration: Instantaneous
Target: 1 deadly smog

You summon a creature from the Negative Energy Plane known as a deadly smog. You lose half your normal maximum hit points when casting this spell-like
Deadly Smog
AC 20 t 20 ff 20
HD: 10, hp 60
Attacks: +10 touch
Damage: 1d6 negative energy
Size/Reach: 10/15
Special qualities: incorporeal. For each 6 points of damage it deals it gains one hit point and for every 8 hit points it advances one HD. Every 2 HD the smog deals an additional 1d6 damage with its attacking

Teleport without Awareness
(Conjuration) [teleport]
Level: Sor/Wiz 7
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Components: V
Range: touch
Duration: Instantaneous
Target: 1 creature
Saving throw: none
Spell resistance: yes

1d20 hours after casting this spell the target is transported to a random location on the world. The location is one he has never visited before and no one within 50 miles speaks the same language as him. If the target leaves this plane before the spell takes effect, the spell is negated.
Known to: Mog

There were a couple more but they were actually useful despite attempting to be funny.