Site Maintenance Coming—All Gremlins to General Quarters!

[Captain Killjoy]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Captain Killjoy wrote:

I LOOK FORWARD TO SPLITTING YOUR INFINITIVES! HAVE AT THEE!

*the tiny rapier flashes with lightning speed, lunging and parrying with great finesse*

You, sir, have all the singing ability of a gas-laden water buffalo!!

FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!

*The marginally larger cutlass may not have the same finesse, but what it lacks in panache, it makes up for in being made out of garbage*

MY RESOLVE REMAINS UNDAUNTED! MY FURY KNOWS NO-

...

What is that HEAVENLY aroma?

[Ambrosia Slaad]

For the bonnacon fans, our own Mike Welham (aka Badger SupaStah!) wrote up a PF(1E) charnel cow for Kobold Press a while back.

You could probably bump up the stinking cloud effect to an incendiary cloud for a CR 1+ bump or so.

[Sableye]

Count de St. Jermlaine wrote:

Please back my Kickstarter to create Bonnacon/Otyugh hybrids.

They'll get you coming AND going!

[Orthos]

Ambrosia Slaad wrote:

For the bonnacon fans, our own Mike Welham (aka Badger SupaStah!) wrote up a PF(1E) charnel cow for Kobold Press a while back.

You could probably bump up the stinking cloud effect to an incendiary cloud for a CR 1+ bump or so.

I miss the old badger, wonder what he's up to these days.

[The Masked Pugwampi]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Captain Killjoy wrote:

I LOOK FORWARD TO SPLITTING YOUR INFINITIVES! HAVE AT THEE!

*the tiny rapier flashes with lightning speed, lunging and parrying with great finesse*

You, sir, have all the singing ability of a gas-laden water buffalo!!

FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!

*The marginally larger cutlass may not have the same finesse, but what it lacks in panache, it makes up for in being made out of garbage*

MY RESOLVE REMAINS UNDAUNTED! MY FURY KNOWS NO-

...

What is that HEAVENLY aroma?

Probably the smell of the DOG you rode in on!

*thrust, parry!*

[Bob the Pugwampi]

Did someone say dog? I need dinner

[Captain Killjoy]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Probably the smell of the DOG you rode in on!

*thrust, parry!*

The only dog I see here is going to get SLICED!

*Slash, slash, slash, slash ad infinitum*

[The Masked Pugwampi]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

The only dog I see here is going to get SLICED!

*Slash, slash, slash, slash ad infinitum*

Well then, once you're cut up we can open a deli and serve sliced HAM!

*parry, riposte!*

[Captain Killjoy]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Well then, once you're cut up we can open a deli and serve sliced HAM!

*parry, riposte!*

*Confused (and confusing) threshing with the blade*

Ham? I LOVE ham! Almost as much as I despise thee!

[The Masked Pugwampi]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

*Confused (and confusing) threshing with the blade*

Ham? I LOVE ham! Almost as much as I despise thee!

I am a Gremlin! We live off despite! Your every thought strengthens my arm!

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

No, I'm pretty sure it goes: *Ho, Ha Ha, Guard, Turn, Perry, Dodge, Spin, Ha, Thrust!*

[Master Pugwampi]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

No, I'm pretty sure it goes: *Ho, Ha Ha, Guard, Turn, Perry, Dodge, Spin, Ha, Thrust!*

Yeah, I tried that technique once. I kept hitting myself in the face for some reason...

[Captain Killjoy]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

I am a Gremlin! We live off despite! Your every thought strengthens my arm!

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

HA!

FOOL!

I am a goblin! If my thoughts strengthen your arm, you must be FEEBLE INDEED!

[Count de St. Jermlaine]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

No, I'm pretty sure it goes: *Ho, Ha Ha, Guard, Turn, Perry, Dodge, Spin, Ha, Thrust!*

The pear cider is a nice touch, though dodging and spinning afterwards will probably make you sick. Still, it's a valid distraction technique, so long as your opponent is downwind of you.

[Rysky]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

I am a Gremlin! We live off despite! Your every thought strengthens my arm!

*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

HA!

FOOL!

I am a goblin! If my thoughts strengthen your arm, you must be FEEBLE INDEED!

That or he's a book.

[The Masked Pugwampi]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

HA!

FOOL!

I am a goblin! If my thoughts strengthen your arm, you must be FEEBLE INDEED!

Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!

*thrust, parry, press*

[Captain Killjoy]

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!

*thrust, parry, press*

*Set cutlass to "liquify"*

APPARENTLY NOT!

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

*Set cutlass to "liquify"*

Don't be embarrassed. A droopy cutlass is a fairly common problem for older goblins or goblins under stress. I know a good medusa doctor who will stiffen you right back up in a jiffy.

[Captain Killjoy]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Don't be embarrassed. A droopy cutlass is a fairly common problem for older goblins or goblins under stress. I know a good medusa doctor who will stiffen you right back up in a jiffy.

STIFFS IS CORPSES!

[The Masked Pugwampi]

Captain Killjoy wrote:

The Masked Pugwampi wrote:

Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!

*thrust, parry, press*

*Set cutlass to "liquify"*

APPARENTLY NOT!

Well, if we're going NUCLEAR...

*throws a handful of GremGob PEACH pits at Killjoy's feet*

[Captain Killjoy]

*Enters low Earth orbit*

MIMDELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

*Deploys parachute*

[Mimdel Boom]

Sorry, Cap'n, but I think that counts as a ring-out...

[Master Pugwampi]

All gremlins on standby! Another maintenance cycle is up, starting tomorrow at 8:30 AM. I expect everyone to do their part in making things worse!

[Vanykrye]

Where's Bob? Your draconic overlord (or at least one of them) saw the effectiveness of Bob, and approves.

[Captain Killjoy]

ACTIVATE ENGINES! TURBINES TO SPEED! THROW THE SWITCH, IGOR, THROW THE SWIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!

[Master Pugwampi]

OK, we managed to delay the start again but only by twenty minutes or so. It took longer than an hour, but really not anywhere near our previous record. So while we can our work "successful," it's hardly something to brag about.

So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical and Bob is still in recovery from the maintenance back at the beginning of July and its after-party. But also, we didn't get much of roll call response. We didn't even get our go-to mayhem alchemist, Mimdel Boom, just a goblin with a hyped up adrenal gland and a captain's hat.

Well, blame has to apportioned and I for one am brave enough to say that YOU are all to blame! You weren't working hard enough!

For shame!

>:p

[Sableye]

Huh? We had work today? I just woke up, I tricked some kids into trashing this guy's wine cellar the other night and decided I might as well sample the remains... what'd I miss?

[Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

OK, we managed to delay the start again but only by twenty minutes or so. It took longer than an hour, but really not anywhere near our previous record. So while we can our work "successful," it's hardly something to brag about.

So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical and Bob is still in recovery from the maintenance back at the beginning of July and its after-party. But also, we didn't get much of roll call response. We didn't even get our go-to mayhem alchemist, Mimdel Boom, just a goblin with a hyped up adrenal gland and a captain's hat.

Well, blame has to apportioned and I for one am brave enough to say that YOU are all to blame! You weren't working hard enough!

For shame!

>:p

Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.

[Master Pugwampi]

Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo wrote:

Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.

GOOD POINT.

Never let it be said that I was unwilling to exploit a readily available scapegoat!

[Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Pontiff Rysky, of Cult of Cosmo wrote:

Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.

GOOD POINT.

Never let it be said that I was unwilling to exploit a readily available scapegoat!

Good Wumpums.

[Count de St. Jermlaine]

Apologies for my absence. I was otherwise engaged in the Realm of Light, weeing all over the Akashic Records, so if Auntie Doris' latest tarot reading produced some distinctly peculiar results, that will have been my doing.

[Mimdel Boom]

Captain says I'm on "time out."

Well, actually, he says I'm a traitor who should be keel-hauled, but the end result is pretty much the same...

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

...So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical...

{wanders back in, bedraggled, voice muffled by peanut butter jar stuck on head:} Why are these 'Cos-blasted things so fiendishly difficult to escape from?

{pauses, attempts Perception check through peanut butter-haze (1d20 - 4 - 4 ⇒ (5) - 4 - 4 = -3 = FAIL):} Where in blazes am I?

[Vanykrye]

Hugs Hunt

You've been missed. Here's a jar of blackberry jam. Should help you out with that peanut butter situation.

[Master Pugwampi]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Master Pugwampi wrote:

...So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical...

{wanders back in, bedraggled, voice muffled by peanut butter jar stuck on head:} Why are these 'Cos-blasted things so fiendishly difficult to escape from?

{pauses, attempts Perception check through peanut butter-haze (1d20-4-4 = FAIL):} Where in blazes am I?

Welcome back, Hunt! I have a crowbar and axle grease already to go!

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}

[Master Pugwampi]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}

...

Wow. That was all but unprecedented.

*sigh*

*applies axle grease and uses crowbar*

*frees Hunt with a resounding "Pop"*

*uses fire bellows to restart respiration*

*observes rub burns*

...I'll get the Bactine...

[Edith, Drexin Support Services]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}

...

Wow. That was all but unprecedented.

*sigh*

*applies axle grease and uses crowbar*

*frees Hunt with a resounding "Pop"*

*uses fire bellows to restart respiration*

*observes rub burns*

...I'll get the Bactine...

Brings over some rubbing alcohol, a lemon, a metal dish scrubber, a jar of leeches, some dirt for bandaging and a bottle of tequila and salt shaker for afterward.

I couldn't find the bactine...

[Captain Killjoy]

Edith, Drexin Support Services wrote:

I couldn't find the bactine...

That's because I DRANK IT ALL!

[Vanykrye]

Continues to hold out a jar of blackberry jam.

You know you want to.

[Count de St. Jermlaine]

Edith, Drexin Support Services wrote:

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}

...

Wow. That was all but unprecedented.

*sigh*

*applies axle grease and uses crowbar*

*frees Hunt with a resounding "Pop"*

*uses fire bellows to restart respiration*

*observes rub burns*

...I'll get the Bactine...

Brings over some rubbing alcohol, a lemon, a metal dish scrubber, a jar of leeches, some dirt for bandaging and a bottle of tequila and salt shaker for afterward.

I couldn't find the bactine...

Poutine will work as well, won't it?

[Master Pugwampi]

We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.

[Sableye]

Vanykrye wrote:

Continues to hold out a jar of blackberry jam.

You know you want to.

Yoink!

[Vanykrye]

Sableye wrote:

Vanykrye wrote:

Continues to hold out a jar of blackberry jam.

You know you want to.

Yoink!

shrugs

Not what I intended, but that could be fun to watch too.

[Hunt, the PugWumpus]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.

{regains consciousness} Cursed jars!

Ah, thank you, MP! The rubbing alcohol has such a pleasing disinfected scent, and these nice cotton bandages are very comfy and absorbed all the excess alcohol.

Today did a 180 for the better after all. {lights up celebratory cigar...}

<WOOOMPF!> {...and bursts into flame}

[Master Pugwampi]

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Master Pugwampi wrote:

We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.

{regains consciousness} Cursed jars!

Ah, thank you, MP! The rubbing alcohol has such a pleasing disinfected scent, and these nice cotton bandages are very comfy and absorbed all the excess alcohol.

Today did a 180 for the better after all. {lights up celebratory cigar...}

<WOOOMPF!> {...and bursts into flame}

*sigh*

Good thing I went out and got more Bactine.

*leaves thread*

*returns with forklift and full pallet*

EDIT: Oh, and can someone put Hunt out?

[Undead Pugwampi Maid]

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{lights up celebratory cigar...}

<WOOOMPF!> {...and bursts into flame}

*sigh*

Good thing I went out and got more Bactine.

*leaves thread*

*returns with forklift and full pallet*

EDIT: Oh, and can someone put Hunt out?

{nods, shuffles over, uses broom to push flaming Hunt out the door}

[Sableye]

*drops jar of jam out the window to splash on Hunt and zing innocent bystanders with berry-scented projectile shards*

[Master Pugwampi]

Sableye wrote:

*drops jar of jam out the window to splash on Hunt and zing innocent bystanders with berry-scented projectile shards*

*looks out at still smoldering, berry-scented Hunt*

Huh. Effective.

*removes cap from Bactine bottle and dumps it out the window on Hunt*

No need to touch him and less mess on the floor! Brilliant!

*starts on second bottle*