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I LOOK FORWARD TO SPLITTING YOUR INFINITIVES! HAVE AT THEE!
You, sir, have all the singing ability of a gas-laden water buffalo!!
FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!
MY RESOLVE REMAINS UNDAUNTED! MY FURY KNOWS NO-
...
What is that HEAVENLY aroma?
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For the bonnacon fans, our own Mike Welham (aka Badger SupaStah!) wrote up a PF(1E) charnel cow for Kobold Press a while back.
You could probably bump up the stinking cloud effect to an incendiary cloud for a CR 1+ bump or so.
Please back my Kickstarter to create Bonnacon/Otyugh hybrids.
They'll get you coming AND going!
For the bonnacon fans, our own Mike Welham (aka Badger SupaStah!) wrote up a PF(1E) charnel cow for Kobold Press a while back.
You could probably bump up the stinking cloud effect to an incendiary cloud for a CR 1+ bump or so.
I miss the old badger, wonder what he's up to these days.
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I LOOK FORWARD TO SPLITTING YOUR INFINITIVES! HAVE AT THEE!
You, sir, have all the singing ability of a gas-laden water buffalo!!
FLATTERY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!
MY RESOLVE REMAINS UNDAUNTED! MY FURY KNOWS NO-
...
What is that HEAVENLY aroma?
Probably the smell of the DOG you rode in on!
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Did someone say dog? I need dinner
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Probably the smell of the DOG you rode in on!
The only dog I see here is going to get SLICED!
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The only dog I see here is going to get SLICED!
Well then, once you're cut up we can open a deli and serve sliced HAM!
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Well then, once you're cut up we can open a deli and serve sliced HAM!
Ham? I LOVE ham! Almost as much as I despise thee!
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Ham? I LOVE ham! Almost as much as I despise thee!
I am a Gremlin! We live off despite! Your every thought strengthens my arm!
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No, I'm pretty sure it goes:
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No, I'm pretty sure it goes:
Yeah, I tried that technique once. I kept hitting myself in the face for some reason...
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I am a Gremlin! We live off despite! Your every thought strengthens my arm!
HA!
FOOL!
I am a goblin! If my thoughts strengthen your arm, you must be FEEBLE INDEED!
No, I'm pretty sure it goes:
The pear cider is a nice touch, though dodging and spinning afterwards will probably make you sick. Still, it's a valid distraction technique, so long as your opponent is downwind of you.
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HA!
FOOL!
I am a goblin! If my thoughts strengthen your arm, you must be FEEBLE INDEED!
Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!
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Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!
APPARENTLY NOT!
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Don't be embarrassed. A droopy cutlass is a fairly common problem for older goblins or goblins under stress. I know a good medusa doctor who will stiffen you right back up in a jiffy.
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Don't be embarrassed. A droopy cutlass is a fairly common problem for older goblins or goblins under stress. I know a good medusa doctor who will stiffen you right back up in a jiffy.
STIFFS IS CORPSES!
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Yet still strong enough to defeat YOU!
APPARENTLY NOT!
Well, if we're going NUCLEAR...
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MIMDELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
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Sorry, Cap'n, but I think that counts as a ring-out...
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All gremlins on standby! Another maintenance cycle is up, starting tomorrow at 8:30 AM. I expect everyone to do their part in making things worse!
Where's Bob? Your draconic overlord (or at least one of them) saw the effectiveness of Bob, and approves.
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ACTIVATE ENGINES! TURBINES TO SPEED! THROW THE SWITCH, IGOR, THROW THE SWIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!
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OK, we managed to delay the start again but only by twenty minutes or so. It took longer than an hour, but really not anywhere near our previous record. So while we can our work "successful," it's hardly something to brag about.
So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical and Bob is still in recovery from the maintenance back at the beginning of July and its after-party. But also, we didn't get much of roll call response. We didn't even get our go-to mayhem alchemist, Mimdel Boom, just a goblin with a hyped up adrenal gland and a captain's hat.
Well, blame has to apportioned and I for one am brave enough to say that YOU are all to blame! You weren't working hard enough!
For shame!
>:p
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Huh? We had work today? I just woke up, I tricked some kids into trashing this guy's wine cellar the other night and decided I might as well sample the remains... what'd I miss?
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OK, we managed to delay the start again but only by twenty minutes or so. It took longer than an hour, but really not anywhere near our previous record. So while we can our work "successful," it's hardly something to brag about.
So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical and Bob is still in recovery from the maintenance back at the beginning of July and its after-party. But also, we didn't get much of roll call response. We didn't even get our go-to mayhem alchemist, Mimdel Boom, just a goblin with a hyped up adrenal gland and a captain's hat.
Well, blame has to apportioned and I for one am brave enough to say that YOU are all to blame! You weren't working hard enough!
For shame!
>:p
Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.
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Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.
Never let it be said that I was unwilling to exploit a readily available scapegoat!
Blame unto Cosmo what is Cosmo’s.Never let it be said that I was unwilling to exploit a readily available scapegoat!
Good Wumpums.
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Apologies for my absence. I was otherwise engaged in the Realm of Light, weeing all over the Akashic Records, so if Auntie Doris' latest tarot reading produced some distinctly peculiar results, that will have been my doing.
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Captain says I'm on "time out."
Well, actually, he says I'm a traitor who should be keel-hauled, but the end result is pretty much the same...
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...So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical...
{wanders back in, bedraggled, voice muffled by peanut butter jar stuck on head:} Why are these 'Cos-blasted things so fiendishly difficult to escape from?
{pauses, attempts Perception check through peanut butter-haze ( = ):} Where in blazes am I?
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You've been missed. Here's a jar of blackberry jam. Should help you out with that peanut butter situation.
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...So people, where did we fall short? I know Hunt is on a sabbatical...{wanders back in, bedraggled, voice muffled by peanut butter jar stuck on head:} Why are these 'Cos-blasted things so fiendishly difficult to escape from?
{pauses, attempts Perception check through peanut butter-haze (1d20-4-4 = ):} Where in blazes am I?
Welcome back, Hunt! I have a crowbar and axle grease already to go!
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{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}
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{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}
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{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}
{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}
...
Wow. That was all but unprecedented.
...I'll get the Bactine...
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{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}...
Wow. That was all but unprecedented.
...I'll get the Bactine...
I couldn't find the bactine...
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I couldn't find the bactine...
That's because I DRANK IT ALL!
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You know you want to.
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{has placed plastic jar (and thus, his head) in workbench vise} No need. I'll break the damned jar by squishing it. {continues to tighten vise}{very muffled:} Almost... cracked it... {tightens vise crank further... and passes out}...
Wow. That was all but unprecedented.
...I'll get the Bactine...
I couldn't find the bactine...
Poutine will work as well, won't it?
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We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.
You know you want to.
Yoink!
Yoink!
You know you want to.
Not what I intended, but that could be fun to watch too.
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We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.
{regains consciousness} Cursed jars!
Ah, thank you, MP! The rubbing alcohol has such a pleasing disinfected scent, and these nice cotton bandages are very comfy and absorbed all the excess alcohol.
Today did a 180 for the better after all. {lights up celebratory cigar...}
{...and bursts into flame}
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We'll go with the rubbing alcohol...it will actually work and will sting more.{regains consciousness} Cursed jars!
Ah, thank you, MP! The rubbing alcohol has such a pleasing disinfected scent, and these nice cotton bandages are very comfy and absorbed all the excess alcohol.
Today did a 180 for the better after all. {lights up celebratory cigar...}
{...and bursts into flame}
Good thing I went out and got more Bactine.
EDIT: Oh, and can someone put Hunt out?
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{lights up celebratory cigar...}
{...and bursts into flame}
Good thing I went out and got more Bactine.
EDIT: Oh, and can someone put Hunt out?
{nods, shuffles over, uses broom to push flaming Hunt out the door}
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*drops jar of jam out the window to splash on Hunt and zing innocent bystanders with berry-scented projectile shards*
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*drops jar of jam out the window to splash on Hunt and zing innocent bystanders with berry-scented projectile shards*
Huh. Effective.
No need to touch him and less mess on the floor! Brilliant!