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For me, the joy of Play by Post is having time to roleplay and really get to know yourself and the other characters, and there's a safety net of multiple players to carry the storyline along if one is sick or distracted with real life for a while.
With a solo game, it's just you and the GM... Now this can be exhilarating if you and the GM really click. But I find the idea a little too intense... Maybe because I'm female, I'm leery of entering into that kind of one-on-one even online. I'd also be worried about the two of us getting sick of each other after a while.
So why have so many of these sprouted up of late?
Hmm
Pace. One-on-one games can progress way quicker.
Been doing off site for years, finally had the time and idea to take the plunge.
Side not: I feel there is something wrong with society when a woman feels the world is so unsafe as to preclude connections with others over a fun RP game.
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I think it can also depend on either experimental attitudes -- seeing how one character can handle something -- and the type of story you want to tell (there's one "hero" rather than a band of players).
FWIW I'm with you regarding the leeriness, I wouldn't volunteer for a solo game with a GM I didn't know or trust (I'd totally be down with someone I did know well and trusted). I've already had to deal with creepy invasive GMs before and am not keen to do it again. I don't feel the world is unsafe, I KNOW it is unsafe based on direct personal experience.
The world is safe. Just certain cities that aren't, but I also live in a town/city where troublemakers are rare. And where I work, the worst you get is a jerk/rude customer 10% of the time.
. I've already had to deal with creepy invasive GMs before and am not keen to do it again. I don't feel the world is unsafe, I KNOW it is unsafe based on direct personal experience.
And that is a sad, sad thing that even PBP online gaming isn't safe for people.
I never even thought about this issue, to be honest. But is obviously a real one. I suppose there is no way to address it for a GM who is normal (like myself)?
It helps if you have a record of posting that someone can look at in advance.
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The world is safe. Just certain cities that aren't, but I also live in a town/city where troublemakers are rare. And where I work, the worst you get is a jerk/rude customer 10% of the time.
I have been made to feel unsafe on these boards, which was the point.
Good for you, that your circumstances allow you to remain oblivious to the harder parts of life. I pray you learn to be compassionate towards those who can't be, rather than insinuate they're wrong for living a life different from you.
. I've already had to deal with creepy invasive GMs before and am not keen to do it again. I don't feel the world is unsafe, I KNOW it is unsafe based on direct personal experience.And that is a sad, sad thing that even PBP online gaming isn't safe for people.
I never even thought about this issue, to be honest. But is obviously a real one. I suppose there is no way to address it for a GM who is normal (like myself)?
Thanks for being concerned.
I would just strive to be respectful to your players and if you want to deal with controversial or potentially triggering material, then check in with the players beforehand to be sure they are okay with such a thing---and if you see someone being treated badly, to report it.
If it's a question of presenting a solo game so people feel safe to apply to it---well, some folks will or won't and there may be little you can do to change their minds; people are going to do what they're comfortable with and that's about it. But you can in your solo games make it clear what your parameters will be in terms of tone and the like, and if you establish a reputation as a trustworthy solo GM, more will apply to such games over time.
I've heard the saying "Some DM's shouldn't be DM's."
Or sometimes that is just not the DM for you.
But I understand where you are coming from, considering that people are going to do what they're comfortable with, I might be 1 on 1 with a DM and the DM might make jokes that he/she thinks is okay and I may take it as a joke, while another player would take it offensively. Or the DM is being unfair with the combats by doubling the power of all the monsters, thus making the game unfun for you, etc.
Now if you know the DM, the DM knows where your boundaries and you know where the DM's boundaries are, and hopefully the two respect those boundaries.
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RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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I have been made to feel unsafe on these boards
Just wanted to pop in and offer condolences for this. I've been threatened here once (made my wife nervous about me going to GenCon last year), so I can sympathize to some degree (though, as a dude, I don't face it regularly). I'm sorry you've had to deal with that.
Thanks, Jiggy. I'm sorry you went through that, too, and hope you reported it.
I haven't had any creepy GMs or anything but I did have somebody drop in a recruitment thread, call me a dick for banning a player because I thought he was cheating, then go on to start insulting rather vilely because said player called him out on it. I would have reconsidered possibly cheating player's application, but I'm naturally suspicious and the person insulting me had like 3 posts period. It made me wonder if the player set up a dummy account. Either way, being made not to feel safe sucks. And while that hasn't really happened to me online, I've had my share of it IRL.
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I actually just joined a one on one PBP and I'm really excited about it. I get to hog the spotlight and explore the environment the GM has designed for me at my own pace and without worrying about holding up three-four other people. The appeal to me is just that the focus is my character and how she perceives and interact with the world. Call me selfish, but its nice to have that from time to time!
On the issue of creepiness...
Well, people online are only as creepy as you let them be. Report and ignore/block. Bam. Then there's like, 1/10 creeps (and creeps are only like, 1/100 of the general population at the MOST) who will be persistent enough to make a new account just to creep on you. Then that's more of an issue and you work with the site staff to solve it. Or ignore it because a bully/creep is only a bully/creep when there's a victim to target and ignoring things is pretty easy on the net (mixed results when you try this IRL ofc).
It also helps when you don't walk around advertising your gender. Females do generally get a bit of extra attention on the net, sure. But you can easily avoid that attention if you don't want it by simply not saying you're a female. I mean, does it matter you're a female? No. This is a roleplay site. Half the time the men are women, women are men, and the children are always FBI agents. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, if you're straight, or if you're gay. Or any of those in-between things I'm supposed to be including to be politically correct or whatever.
I don't even know the genders of my own players of the game I DM, and I doubt they know mine. But it doesn't matter because I'm not trying to become romantic partners with any of them which is really the only time gender matters.
So, if being a female makes you wary of playing a one on one PBP, or even like it makes you a target, then just don't tell people your gender and don't add your gender to your profile.
I feel the need to say this, but, I'm a bit of a creep, not the stalk kind, just, I'm awkward and sometimes don't notice signals, so just saying, make your own intentions clear, don't use subtle signals, don't do things like say maybe you'll talk to him/her later, or we'll see. be very clear and that will take out some of people people find creepy. No, I do not like you and do not wish to talk to you. Won't stop everybody but it will stop some.
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I actually just joined a one on one PBP and I'm really excited about it. I get to hog the spotlight and explore the environment the GM has designed for me at my own pace and without worrying about holding up three-four other people. The appeal to me is just that the focus is my character and how she perceives and interact with the world. Call me selfish, but its nice to have that from time to time!
On the issue of creepiness...
Well, people online are only as creepy as you let them be. Report and ignore/block. Bam. Then there's like, 1/10 creeps (and creeps are only like, 1/100 of the general population at the MOST) who will be persistent enough to make a new account just to creep on you. Then that's more of an issue and you work with the site staff to solve it. Or ignore it because a bully/creep is only a bully/creep when there's a victim to target and ignoring things is pretty easy on the net (mixed results when you try this IRL ofc).
It also helps when you don't walk around advertising your gender. Females do generally get a bit of extra attention on the net, sure. But you can easily avoid that attention if you don't want it by simply not saying you're a female. I mean, does it matter you're a female? No. This is a roleplay site. Half the time the men are women, women are men, and the children are always FBI agents. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, if you're straight, or if you're gay. Or any of those in-between things I'm supposed to be including to be politically correct or whatever.
I don't even know the genders of my own players of the game I DM, and I doubt they know mine. But it doesn't matter because I'm not trying to become romantic partners with any of them which is really the only time gender matters.
So, if being a female makes you wary of playing a one on one PBP, or even like it makes you a target, then just don't tell people your gender and don't add your gender to your profile.
...
I'm not going to lynch you, but I really feel like this is giving up - "there's going to be creeps around, so don't tell anyone you're a woman".
I think it's worth putting the effort in to make the community better and it shouldn't be up to the victims to adapt, imo.
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Yes, this is what we call "victim-blaming."
The onus is on people to not be creeps, and the community to discourage a&@&!~! behavior. The "jerks will be jerks" attitude is unbelievable -- jerkish behavior is BEHAVIOR, and behavior can be changed. I can't change that I am a woman, and the notion that 51% of the human population should hide who they are or be ashamed of it because they might get hurt is ridiculous.
It's all the more ridiculous on a message board owned by a company with a large female staff, including a female CEO. Should we tell Lisa Stevens not to tell anyone who she is because she might get harassed in the gaming industry?
ETA: Oh, and I missed this the first time: the suggestion that people who get harassed encourage it for attention's sake is downright insulting. No lynching, just callout, a flag, and a block for that. That's what we're supposed to do, right?
Upthread I've encouraged people to report when stuff happens and be clear about boundaries with folks, and that's the best we can do--and what I have done (the situation that did happen to me I did report, explain to the person why I was uncomfortable, and got out of the situation). We can also call people out on poor behavior, and encourage a welcoming community. That doesn't preclude sympathy to those who may not feel secure playing with certain strangers on the Internet, especially as even if we did build an ideal community of nice people here, they may still have had bad experiences elsewhere.
But always, always, always, the effort is to make folks be comfortable to be themselves and assert their boundaries, not make them feel like they have to hide or be ashamed of themselves with this community. Note "be a jerk" is not included in "being yourself" as again, toxic social behaviors are not innate and can and should be encouraged to change.
Korak, I agree, you have to set boundaries very clearly, especially in communities where a number of us are socially awkward/not good at social cues.
I agree, women should not have to hide their gender anywhere they go, including online. Any group of people should not have to hide what they are to feel safe. Colored people don't paint their skin white, Atheists don't pretend to believe in God, Muslims don't go to Christian churches, people visiting America don't pretend like they live here all their lives.
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If there is any sort of harassing behavior, whether publicly on the boards or through the PM system, please let moderators know by flagging posts or emailing us directly at community@paizo.com.
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I wouldn't call this 'victim blaming.' I'd call this advice. While there's no justification for the behavior that causes victims, there's also nothing stopping a victim from protecting oneself by whatever means they find effective. It may not make the problem disappear from the world, but it will protect said victim from at least some potential dangers.
I agree: no one should HAVE TO hide who or what they are. I understand that kind of pride, and I share it when I want people to know the truth about me. That said, if that pride is turning one into a victim in the interim, it's wise to examine one's priorities and make sure that pride is important enough to risk being victimized.
Do report, flag, and block. Do try to teach people to be better to each other. Do set the best example you can. Do be clear with people and do your best to truly resolve the problem...
DON'T use pride as an excuse not to protect yourself in the meantime. Your safety, and your right to feel safe, may one day be worth more than that pride.
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Liz, thank you for your post. Deathquaker and Jiggy, thank you for sharing your experiences.
I didn't mean this to become a thread about harassment. However, I think it's a good topic to have. I'm a female. I game PFS live and am often the only woman in the room. I've watched the relief on other female gamer's faces when they see me as they come into a room.
I also participate on these boards and have no desire to hide who or what I am. I know that I'm personally leery of the idea of a solo game. Like Deathquaker, I've been stalked by someone creepy before. As a result, I find it much better to play or GM for and with a group. I like meeting people, and getting to know their characters.
Hmm
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RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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I agree: no one should HAVE TO hide who or what they are. I understand that kind of pride...
...your right to feel safe, may one day be worth more than that pride.
Wait, you said that "your right to feel safe" may be worth more than "pride", but you've been using "pride" to refer to the idea of not wanting to hide because the person has a right to feel safe.
So... Their right to feel safe may one day be worth more than their right to feel safe? Huh?
Your logic asplode.
I don't think Mimesyne is completely wrong Deathquaker, there are people who poison themselves and children to get sympathy because they need it, so why not something similar here? Each case needs to be taken on it's own merits. Some people hear a noise in the brush and cry wolf, others, actually saw the wolf.
I think I'd kinda prefer my first PbP experience to be a single player/GM one. I've never done PbP before and I'd like to get my feet wet just a little at a time before joining a larger group.
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Stepping in here real quick: our forums are intended to be a welcoming environment for gamers of all stripes. It is really quite disturbing to see others suggesting that individuals who have been harassed before (whether on our site or others) are actively provoking or inviting harassment upon themselves. We are not OK with this kind of rhetoric directed at other posters on our forums. The internet absolutely has unsafe spaces and unsafe users, but in this space we endeavor to make an environment where people don't need to feel that they must have their guard up against harassment at all times. And to echo Liz, emailing us with the details of any harassment encountered as soon as possible is the best way for our team to help resolve any issues between posters.