Cloak of the High Plains Wind

[Brandon Thorne]

Cloak of the High Plains Wind
Aura faint conjuration and evocation; CL 5th
Slot shoulders; Price 36,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This makeshift cloak is fashioned from an earth tone saddle blanket, held in place around the wearer's shoulders by a tarnished silver horse-shaped clasp. The garment reveals its magical powers whenever the wearer charges an opponent, generating a powerful blast of wind that propels them forward with the speed and power of a warhorse. While performing a charge action the character's base movement speed is increased by 40 feet, and any damage dealt by a successful melee attack is doubled (or triple damage if using a two-handed piercing weapon with reach, such as a lance or longspear). Additionally, the force of the wind acts as a gust of wind spell emanating in 5-foot radius centered on the cloak's wearer that lasts until the end of their turn (resolve the gust of wind effect as the character moves out of a square, before any attacks of opportunity but after resolving the charge attack against the targeted opponent). The cloak's wearer is not affected by the gust of wind.

If the cloak's wearer charges while mounted, the mount is also not affected gust of wind. The melee damage multiplier does not stack with the Spirited Charge feat or work in conjunction with the extraordinary Pounce special attack.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gust of wind, phantom steed; Cost 18,000 gp

[Curaigh]

Congratulations Brandon!

I was not overly impressed with this item, the charge part worked all right, but I foresee problems at my table with movement speeds, feat in a can, & questions about whether the mounts gets speed & if not is the rider just leaving them behind? The writing was a bit muddled and it took me days before realizing the gust of wind was pushing people as if in the wake of a boat.

I think I mentioned this aha moment in the praise thread because I finally got it. I do like the wake effect, it is cinematic.

Bring that cinematic aspect to your map & I think it will serve you well :) Good Luck!

[Alanya]

I loved the description of this seemingly simple cloak, and voted for it often. I really like that the wearer gets the benefit of a charge as far as damage goes if they don't have the necessary feat, or are unmounted.

I agree that the additional 40 foot increase to speed is a little much if this bonus also applies to any mount the wearer might be riding.

The gust of wind seems like an unnecessary addition (not bad, just not needed in my opinion), and it raises another questions - is the target also subject to this effect? If so, and they're size tiny, there's a chance you may never reach them! As written, a 5 foot radius would imply the gust is in front of them as well as behind them, which doesn't fit the description. This ability (as you intended it to work) does tie in with the theme of the item, so I can see why it's there, which won back some points.

My only other issue was that you called out attacks of opportunity as being resolved after the result of the charge. Potentially, the wearer could be stopped or dropped by such an attack, which would change the result of their action, and so should be resolved before the final attack.

Congratulations on making the Top 32!

[Kalindlara]

Congratulations on making it in!

[Trekkie90909]

This item read "lance" to me every time I read through it while voting, or boots as a wondrous item slot. I liked it better than many other submissions up through the fourth cull; I mostly stopped voting for it after the fifth due to slot weirdness. I'd be interested in hearing what made you decide to go with cloak.

While it made for a cool visual and is certainly thematic, I wasn't sold on the gust of wind rider at the end. It seems over the top given the already impressive scope of the item's abilities.

[Elizabeth Leib]

I like the horse theme that ties this item all together: the saddle blanket, the clasp, and being able to use the gust of wind effect without harming your mount. Congrats on making it in and good luck in the rest of the competition.

[Brian J. Fruzen]

Congratulations on earning a place in this year’s Top 32, Brandon! Here’s some of my thoughts on your item:

• A re-purposed saddle blanket as a cloak makes for a visually striking image. Great choice!
  
• Saying the item “reveals its magical powers” is similar to saying “this item’s true power becomes apparent when…” These are clunky, unnecessary phrases that often become the brunt of the snark thread during voting. Avoid them.
  
• Additional fantasy-rich options for martial characters are always good.
  
• Adjudicating the gust of wind seems odd. The effect is resolved when the character moves out of a square, but before an attack of opportunity (which is made when the character is still on their charge path, normally) but after resolving the charge attack made by the wielder? So an enemy making an attack of opportunity has to wait until the wielder that triggered it is many squares away? It doesn’t connect, logically. Unless I’m missing something.
  
• Good job calling out some feats and situations where this item could be made overpowered.
  
• The item is useful to the antagonist, as well as the heroes.

I like the wind-assisted charge idea and you connect it to an item that evokes iconic images. I see this being used in some kind of samurai western. Now let’s see what you bring to Round 2!

[Lucky Pips]

Congrat on making the Top 32!

I like the simple description of the item, and it made be think of the capes and ponchos Clint Eastwood wore in the old Dollars trilogy. Very gritty western hero feel. This is a good thing.

While I like the concept, the fact that there is no limit on the number of times it can be done is a killer. The speed boost is high, and the wording on the the gust of wind effect actually happens is really rough. I think you were going for the gust to happen at every square of movement, but that's far from the RAW interpretation of how that would be read. It's really not like the gust of wind spell at all, and i would have scrapped that comparison and written out the effects you wanted. I see a good concept there, but these issue would bee to get squared out first.

Best of luck in all future rounds!

[Nick Wasko]

Congratulations, Brandon!

It's nice to see an item that utilizes the lance mechanics and broadens their use beyond mounted combatants. The wind effect really helps tie together the item's theme. I would recommend shortening the titles of your subsequent entries, though; I was turned off by the long, multi-syllabic name the first couple of times I saw this item while voting.

Can't wait to see what you bring to round 2!

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Congrats, Brandon. I saw your item tons of time, and upvoted it most of the time.

That said, I think I did that as much because of what it was matched against than love of the item: I had some of the same issues others have mentioned. The basically unlimited speed burst (which apparently stacks with any other sources of speed boosts) seemed a little too extreme (give this to a monk with boots of striding and springing and she'd be a blur), and it definitely felt like it should be a foot item.

Moving forward, also make sure you're careful with your writing; you're missing a word, for example, in "If the cloak's wearer charges while mounted, the mount is also not affected gust of wind."

Good luck in Round 2!

[Template Fu]

I will be starting my reviews soon, and they can be bumpy at times, so here's a starter for 10 on Template ...

You nailed it!

Poor, poor Fu gets no food again - well done indeed!

Full review to follow in due course.

[Jeff Harris 982]

As promised yesterday, the GB&U this year is courtesy of me rather than GM_solsprial (he is busy drawing furiously). So without further ado, our amazing and awesome top 32+4 get the first set of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly critiques, and then on to everyone else who requested a critique in the CMI official thread, or in my shiny The GB&U Season 9 thread.

Cloak of the High Plains Wind

The Good: Very interesting use for wind power, way to think outside of the normal uses and let the wind aid the PC, rather than just blowing away and knocking down foes. Nice to see some out of the box thinking. Also clever use of description including the made from a horse blanket bit

The Bad: The name is a bit bland for me, it works, but does not have sufficient flare to live up to the coolness of the item itself.

The Ugly: Mounted charge builds would demand this cloak so they can function pretty well even without their mount. Good call on limits about stacking, but as the item always functions on charge, once you pay your 36,000, you need never bring Mr. Ed anywhere again to remain a scary charger. Also have a pet peeve about the "power is revealed when x" type statements, but this is minor overall.

[Brandon Thorne]

First: thanks all! I appreciate the congrats and especially the feedback.

Speaking of which, re: repeated comments/item issues/"why a cloak, and why gust of wind?"/etc -

This item actually started out with air walk rather than phantom steed, the idea being that it would literally lift you up and blow you across the battlefield (or above the battlefield, I guess), resulting the the gust's effects plus a 60-foot charge in any direction. This proved extremely difficult to word, especially with all the possible rules issues, so after bouncing it off a friend it turned into this charge-like ability.

...and that's when things started going a little wonky. For a variety of reasons (which still remain valid, and are seriously threatening my chance of getting my map in by EOD today; the time to make this post being an exception, BTW ;P ) I had to work on the item in small time chunks, rewording and then moving onto something else before being able to come back to it, etc. Plus I had pretty bad writer's block for part of it, which didn't help. This ultimately resulted in me keeping a lot of the original ideas and "forcing" the new mechanics into them rather than simply starting anew, which created most of the issues you (plural) have brought up. I'm not sure how it would have turned out if I had gone the "redo route", (would it have become a lance? Maybe..?) but that's hindsight and hey, I guess it didn't matter in the end.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

FWIW, while I usually really dislike "of the" names and longer names, I actually like the name on this. I felt like high plains wind feels really evocative, with the wind howling across a taiga and it added a lot to the imagery for me.

[Victoria Jaczko]

Welcome to the Top 32, Brandon! Your submission has overcome the magic item horde and the many culls to emerge at the top of the heap. Congratulations!

I'll be one of the judges for this first round, offering my humble commentary which I hope will be helpful to you moving into Round 2. I will be considering each item based on three factors: functionality (does the item fill a useful niche within the rules?), mojo ("wow" factor--would I point out this item to someone else, or immediately get some cool concept to go with it?), and writing (is the formatting and text clear and error free? Is the prose interesting and evocative?)

Combining these elements successfully is, I feel, key to defining that elusive "Superstar" quality that we all want to see.

So you know what I'm looking for, now let's move on to the good bit: your cloak of the high plains wind!

Functionality and Usefulness
This one has me scratching my head. I get what the gust of wind blast is supposed to represent (pushing away enemies in the wake of the wearer), but I am truly baffled sorting out what it really does as written. So it lasts for the character's turn. It's a gust of wind five feet around them blowing out in every direction. The effects are resolved when the character moves out of a square (so as soon as he begins his charge), but before attacks of opportunity can be made against that character, yet after he completes his charge attack. So the gust of wind hits enemies surrounding him, possibly preventing them from being able to make AoO from the charge, but doesn't risk blowing away his opponent before he can complete the charge. Do I follow that right?

I'm not sure that was the best approach, and if I'm correct, I don't know if I'm crazy about bypassing AoO. I don't mind the one-two punch on the target, though.

Now the propelling blast of wind I get. Ripping across the battlefield, dealing double or triple damage, that's pretty awesome. Usually the province of mounted combat. I can kind of see an item allowing for a little bit of that mounted charge awesomeness without a mount, but I think I'd like it not quite as good as actually having a mount.

Speaking of mounts, you do call out some specific rules for interaction--which is good--but I still don't know how this item works while mounted. Do they get superfast too?

The speed boost works well, but I might limit double damage to lance/spear/reach weapons, and standard weapons just get a flat damage bonus. Still gives charge a significant boost with the speed output, but keeps the triple lance damage in the realm of cavaliers and paladins and them who put up with a lot of annoying mount crap to earn the right to that triple damage.

Alternatively, keep the double damage from the charge but remove anything particular for lances and such. This has a strong Western vibe and I don't find lances and spears very Western.

Also, a 3/day or so limit would go nicely with this.

I really think the gust of wind wake doesn't need to be there. I know what you wanted to do and it fits the theme, but it's unnecessary and ended up confusing as hell. The massive speed and damage boost is effective enough.

The Cool Factor/Mojo
Theme worked in your favor here. The tight combination of Western flair, blowing winds, and charging like a mighty horse are interwoven in your item very well and pull up some really evocative visuals.

You tried to do something cool and unusual with gust of wind. You pulled this off well in one place (the charge momentum), and then got muddled a bit on the other (the wake blast). Missteps will happen and I completely understand not having the time or the resources to make things the way you want them to be. This is going to be a tough competition, though, and you've got to be ready to deliver on a cool design you promise. Sometimes that does mean dropping something you wanted to be cool that just didn't congeal right.

Prose and Editing
Ignoring the gust of wind wake description, your wording is pulled in well and has some powerful visual effects. I don't like "reveals its magical powers".

Overall
You had a good idea. I think it emerged as a bit of a hit-and-miss, and even the best of it has some mechanical balance issues. You've got the chance to distinguish yourself in the next round, so take this same creativity and willingness to try different effects and really pay attention to tightening up how everything fits together.

I am honored to have been allowed to provide feedback this year. I look forward to your entry for Round 2, Brandon, and hope to see your map go out-of-the-box even better than you did here.

Congratulations again!

[Brandon Thorne]

Huzzah - got my 2nd round entry in. Unfortunately it's with only 4 hours of sleep in me, and barely more than today to work on it...so not at the quality I would have liked. Sigh. Then again, when I think "quality" for something visual in nature, I expect it to be "final product"-good...which isn't what Round 2 is about. So maybe I'm worrying too much. :)

Anyway, back to this item. Now that I have some time, I'd like to address specific comments as I think a lot of the "confusion" is due to my trying to keep the rulings as short and crisp as possible...for an item that I knew could be abused (or simply not understood, rules-wise) without proper explanation. Apparently I failed on that, at least to an extent, so here goes:

* The 40' charge is due to the speed of a phantom steed at CL5. Although it seems overpowered - especially so since it has "unlimited charges" - note that it only applies *during a charge action*. It sounds powerful at first, but if you run through the scenarios where it would actually be used, a lot of that falls away. First, very few characters make more than one or so charge attack per combat: after the first they are usually up against the enemy where full attacks and standard moves make more sense. Yes, it pretty much ensures that they *can* charge each combat, but so can a mounted character...except that there are a lot of circumstances in which a mounted character can't even use their mount, which is the primary reason this item came into being (to allow mount-centric characters to continue to act similarly even without their mounts while still benefiting from being on them).

* The intent of my wording for the gust of wind effect was that 1) it wouldn't harm the item's wearer (that's actually in there), 2) as the character is charging past opponents, they would be hit by the gust *before* they got to swing at the character (if it was the other way around, the ability would lose a lot of it's potency), and 3) the charged opponent couldn't be "blown away" before the charge attack was resolved. In other words, you resolve the gust of wind while the character is moving from square to square, one square at a time, until they reach their target.

* Back to the "why a cloak" thing: as a couple commenters noted, it ties in with the High Plains Rider Clint Eastwood character...who rides in on a horse barely visible through heat haze. That and the visual connection between wind gusting a cloak *towards* a charged target rather than *away*, all as part of an obviously magical offensive action that (if you want to go all the way) lifts the character off the ground somewhat, dust swirling around them in a hazy outline of a warhorse, just before the explosive gale thrusts them forward with the wailing of the violent winds accompanying them.

(Which makes for what, 1000 words? I guess only giving me 250 was reasonable...)

[frank gori]

Okay now that we have a few days before Top 16 reveals I've decided to comment on my competitors work. First, congrats one being a people's choice top 36. To me connecting more directly with the pathfinder community as an audience is even more impressive then clicking for a group of judges.

I voted this up a ton, I dug the cowbow/windy plains theme this seemed to have. I pegged it for top 100 and I'm not surprised to see it here, good work. Best fo luck with next round.

[Kigvan]

I had this item as a keep as I love the flavor of it. I am however surprised to see it in the Top 32 as I agree with many of the others that the mechanics are quite muddied.

Some Questions this item makes me think about trying to use it:
While it doesn't stack with spirited charge, does it stack with the mounted lance multiplier?

I don't know how to resolve the gust of wind when a creature moves out of a square but before the attack of opportunity as the attack happens before the creature leaves the square.

The description is good, the wind theme is good, but I think it has mechanical problems, a +40 ft. bonus to speed is +80 ft. on a charge (as you move double your speed), This seems to be way too much especially as it works on every charge. This triples the charging range of a medium or heavy armor wearer (that alone would probably be worth the price).

All that said:

Congratulations and Good Luck

[Brandon Thorne]

Kigvan wrote:

I had this item as a keep as I love the flavor of it. I am however surprised to see it in the Top 32 as I agree with many of the others that the mechanics are quite muddied.

Some Questions this item makes me think about trying to use it:
While it doesn't stack with spirited charge, does it stack with the mounted lance multiplier?

I don't know how to resolve the gust of wind when a creature moves out of a square but before the attack of opportunity as the attack happens before the creature leaves the square.

The description is good, the wind theme is good, but I think it has mechanical problems, a +40 ft. bonus to speed is +80 ft. on a charge (as you move double your speed), This seems to be way too much especially as it works on every charge. This triples the charging range of a medium or heavy armor wearer (that alone would probably be worth the price).

All that said:

Congratulations and Good Luck

Thanks for the luck - I can use it!

The mechanics get more muddy the more I read them, unfortunately. Se la vie (sp?) I guess, I made it to the Top 32 and that's that. I think the concept is what got me there, not so much the mechanics - I could definitely straighten them all out with more time. For instance:
* Change the damage multiplier to something like "whenever the character charges (on foot or while mounted) they count as having the Spirited Charge feat even if they do not meet the prerequisites"
* Change the gust of wind effect to either simply state that it affects any creature that could make an attack of opportunity against the charging character (regardless of if they do so or not), resolving the gust before the AoO, and/or that the item is actually activated as a full-round action (or standard if full-round is unavailable), first creating a gust of wind spell with a line of effect as long as the character's charge speed, after which the character can charge any creature along that path assuming they meet the usual requirements for a charge. Those two would both resolve a ton of rules issues, I think, as long as their actual wording was succinct enough to not be cumbersome.

Those changes would keep the flavor intact but straighten out the rules quite a bit. Whether or not it would result in an item that people liked enough for Top 32, I don't know...but it doesn't mean we shouldn't improve upon the item for those who are thinking about using it in their campaign, eh? :)

[Tels]

Unless I missed it, I'm disappointed no one compared this to the Pegasus Boots from The Legend of Zelda. Honestly, I want to change these to boots and toss them into my games as an easter egg!

[Lucus Palosaari]

Brandon Thorne wrote:

Cloak of the High Plains Wind

Congratulations for making it into the Top 32!

Seeing as that's how I had to start this, you're already a potential "Superstar" so keep that in mind!

That out of the way, I'm going to treat your item the same as if I saw it in the Critique My Item Thread, which means I'll be using the following comments, and assuming you're submitting this item as your "sample" for an Open Call to Fat Goblin Game's Call to Arms book line.

Feel free to disagree with me and DEFEND YOUR CHOICES!

Superstar — I... don't think I see any thing I would actually change about this cloak. Well done. I'd need to look at how it would interact with a million existing charge-based things, but I "think" you got the basics covered well here and I really like it from "fluff" to mechanics.

[Jessica Catalan]

Congrats on making top 32!

I was very fond of your cloak of the high plains wind and voted for it a lot. I like the name, despite its length, and love your visual descriptions of this item and its abilities. It sets a strong mood and atmosphere with very little effort, so well done.

I agree with many of the comments above, about issues with wording on some abilities, but I knew what you were trying to get this item to do, so it got the job done well enough. You are top 32, after all! I like that you chose to make it affect charge attacks (instead of more common wind effects), I like that you tried to make a burst of wind in the wake of your movement (super cinematic), and I even liked that it was a cloak (despite complaints to the contrary, haha). Even considering its mechanical flaws the cloak of the high plains wind was one of my (many) favourite items during voting.

Best of luck in the next round!

P.S. The spelling you were looking for is: C'est la vie.

[Browman]

I like the visuals and the concept of this item, but share the mechanical concerns that others have expressed. I do like it as a cloak though.

[Neil Spicer]

Brandon! Welcome..to the Top 32!

As one of the judges who'll be along for the entire ride of the competition, it's my duty (and pleasure) to offer up some commentary on your winning submission, as well as a bit of advice for the challenges to come. First up...your item...the cloak of the high plains wind...

Okay. The name. I'm not a fan. I read the title and immediately thought "High Plains Drifter" and not in a good way. It's like an Easter egg, and it's not necessary. I get the inspiration you took from the movie, but there's no need to tie it that directly to it. This is an item about charging on the battlefield and doing something interesting with those mechanics. So, just give it a name that resonates with that. Once you abandoned the air walk foundation, this should have been recast.

Mojo. Yes. There's a bit of mojo at play here. You're striving to give the wearer a potent charge ability, and it's magnified if they're actually on a horse, but it's not necessary to achieve some of the same kinds of effect.

Cinematic. Yep, there are clear visuals here, both with the unexpected charge and the wind effects.

Usefulness. It's quite useful for characters with the mount class ability, and yet, it's still got application to anyone else who favors charging into battle. There's also a bit of a defensive power to it to protect the charger as he moves.

Mechanics. There's some concerns here with the avoidance of attacks of opportunity via the gust of wind in a 5-foot radius. Honestly, I think the whole wind connection should be discarded. Just focus on the movement aspects of the item without generating a wind "bubble" around the wearer. I think your best opportunity for being innovative here is giving classes who have invested in mounted combat a means of bringing those abilities to bear even if they're in a dungeon without their mount. That's where the innovation "path" lay for this item, but you kind of got overly invested in the wind effects and bolted those on when you didn't have to. Sometimes, you've got to realize an idea has progressed beyond the visual you might have originally had for it, and then explore a new design paradigm instead.

Polish. The template is squared away for the most part. You got sloppy in your descriptive text and didn't proofread it well enough, though. Ideally, I think this should be a pair of boots rather than a cloak, because boots are normally associated with movement boosting effects. Cloaks tend to focus on defenses or utility effects, but that's also a guideline that mostly comes from 3.5 edition than Pathfinder specifically. You could still stay with a cloak, but I'd recommend calling it something like cloak of the unbridled rider or something similar.

Other than that, this item explores an interesting niche. It's got mojo and a creative spark, but kind of lost its way with the wind effects and still needs some mechanical shoring up. Regardless, you've made the Top 32, and now it's all about seeing what you've got for us in Round 2.

My two cents,
--Neil

[Brandon Thorne]

@Lucus - Given the explanation of what your "Superstar" rating represents, combined with the rest of your comment, I'll respond with "you've already got a Call to Arms for 'mantles,' but back in the day I did write a couple articles about the Deadlands RPG for Shadis Magazine...so shoot me a PM if you're thinking about writing a supplement covering the myriad of smelly and generally unpleasant things you can do with a saddle blanket, as I'm your man."

@meloriel - Thanks for the kind words! (Including the corrected spelling, especially given that I probably spent more time typing "(sp?)" then it would have taken to google it...le sigh.)

@meoriel/@Browman/@Neil - I'm going to stand by my choice of making it a cloak with your support...and because of the (il)logical argument that no proper adventurer would wear a saddle blanket wrapped around their feet, so the item obviously had to be a cloak (or similar), right?

[Amanda Hamon]

Hello, Brandon, and welcome to the Top 32!

I'll be a judge for this round, and I'm honored and pleased to offer feedback on your cloak of the high plains wind. I hope this feedback provides some helpful insight to you as you move forward in the competition.

As an assistant developer at Paizo, I'll offer you three levels of commentary that approximate the development process: some first impressions, a deeper look, and some measured feedback.

So, let's get started!

First impressions: That's quite a long name, and without any context, it doesn't sound all that appealing. Perhaps it was unintentional on your part, but when that happens, it's a good sign to reconsider the name -- you want it to stand out and be appealing and wondrous-sounding on its own. (Plus, at Paizo, we have serious issues with real-world Easter eggs, unintentional or not, but that's another discussion on its own.) Aside from that, the core concept you've got going here is quite good.

Deeper look: I really like what this does for mounted and unmounted charges, but I don't feel like the gust of wind ability is going to have a ton of ramifications in most instances. I get what you were going for visually, but in game, I think there are better mechanical options for this cloak. Like Neil, I'd really have liked to see options for mounted characters explored more.

Measured feedback: You have a good sense of how to create wondrous design that is usable in combat, and that can be a difficult thing. I just think the concept here could have done with a bit more tweaking; find that sweet spot between a great theme and great design and I think you'll be golden going forward.

That said, thanks for reading, and best of luck in the contest!

[R D Ramsey]

You know, I liked the name when I was voting. But Neil has a point about it being too easter-eggy for Paizo publication. There's maybe a point to consider there, the name may have helped you with voters but hurt you with professionals.

Anyway, even more than the cowboy vibe, what you've actually got here in terms of a windy charge makes me think along the lines of wuxia movies. If you did recast this item, that might be a cool direction to explore, and perhaps even more evocative than your original.

[John Leclaire]

Brandon, congratulations on making it through the first round!

Unfortunately, this item never came up for me during voting. I like what I see, other than the issues already mentioned by others.

Good luck in the rest of the competition!