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Fate-Woven Braid of the Norns
Aura strong abjuration and evocation; CL 16th
Slot head; Price 9,000 gp; Weight --
Description
At first glance, this circlet of plaited blond hair with an interwoven gold thread appears to be nothing more than a personal memento or lover's token. Closer examination reveals the remarkable fact that each strand of hair seems to have neither beginning nor end.
Up to three times per day, the wearer can use a fate-woven braid of the norns to potentially negate a disastrous turn of fortune. Upon rolling a natural 1 on a saving throw, or after failing a saving throw against a death effect, the wearer can activate the braid as a free action to reroll the saving throw. With each activation, the golden thread woven within the braid loses a little more luster, though its shine is always renewed the following day.
The golden thread is vulnerable to severe twists of fate, however: if the result of a reroll obtained by the braid is ever a natural 20, the golden thread frays, permanently reducing the braid's daily reroll uses by one. If all three daily uses are eliminated in this manner, the golden thread snaps and the fate-woven braid of the norns falls apart into a nonmagical pile of wispy gray hair.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, brilliant inspiration, death ward; Cost 4,500 gp
Congratulations! I have to say, I'd been voting for this item since I first saw it - I'm really glad you made it through!
William! Welcome...to the Top 32!
As one of the judges who'll be along for the entire ride of the competition, it's my duty (and pleasure) to offer up some commentary on your winning submission, as well as a bit of advice for the challenges to come. First up...your item...fate-woven braid of the norns...
Okay. This name oozes flavor. There's a hint towards this being a fate/divination/luck kind of item. You're bringing in some immediate mythological connections by referencing the norns. Even the fact that this is a braid of hair conjures up mental imagery of the Norse culture, so I've got an immediate guess at what this item might look like (and do) just based on the name alone. In my book, that means you nailed it. Nice job.
Mojo. Okay. It's not at the top of the "grab you and shake you up and down" scale of mojo. At its heart, it's basically a chance to shrug off a natural 1 on a saving throw (or one more last-ditch effort to resist a death effect). While important to the game, that's not necessarily going to get everyone excited. Instead, it's the flavor wrapped around this effect...even the natural 20 which progressively undoes its magic...that raises its game and appeal.
Cinematic. The best visual I get from reading this item's description is mostly woven around the fading and fraying of the threads of hair as the item gets used or starts to diminish.
Usefulness. Well, on the surface, who wouldn't want an item that gives you a chance to turn that natural 1 on a saving throw into something better? Or when faced with "save or die" getting one more shot at it in the event you fail? However, when you think it through, how often do you roll saving throws in a single day, much less roll a natural 1? Or, just how many death effects do you plan on facing in that same timespan? Are three uses per day for the braid really necessary? I guess it's situational. In some cases, major usefulness. Otherwise? Hardly ever gets used or provides any benefit, right? So, from a design standpoint, this is probably a place where it might be a good idea to layer on one more small ability to the item. Even something like a simple +1 luck bonus to a single type of saving throw (Fort, Ref, Will...three saves for three norns/fates!), which the user has to decide on at the beginning of the day might be an interesting way to spin it.
Mechanics. This item stayed relatively neutral on introducing any ground-breaking mechanics for me. A re-roll is a mechanic we've seen in other abilities and effects. But it doesn't necessarily make an appearance in a magic item all that often. So, there's still a bit of innovation here. It's enough to get you into the Top 32, but, to stand out from your competition, you may need to look for ways to push the envelope a little more.
Polished. You nailed the template and presented everything like a true professional. To me, that demonstrates an appreciation for doing things the right way, and a level of detail that can make you a real asset to any developer. Keep looking for ways to demonstrate that kind of reliability coupled with your creativity and it'll catapult you into success as a freelancer regardless of the competition's outcome.
Other than that, this was very solid entry. Like some other contestants, I actually appreciate that you reached for a wondrous item over a weapon or armor/shield. To me, wondrous items have a slightly higher degree of difficulty, because there's an art to getting one right...both in execution and creative design. I think you did a good, solid job with it. And I love the thematic elements which raise this item higher than its simple, but elegantly defined mechanics. So, congratulations once more, and good luck in the competition! I look forward to seeing further creativity and attention to detail in your map for Round 2.
My two cents,
--Neil
Congratulations William!
The flavor really sold me on this - even though the basic effect is, well, basic, it ties so nicely together with the potential risk of destruction and taps into mythos from modern fantasy (Gimli asking for a lock of Galadriel's hair, Victorian tradition of keeping locks of hair from deceased loved ones, etc.), which really brought the item together as a whole.
Can't wait to see your chops in round 2!
Congratulations on placing in a very challenging competition!
The item has some significant play balance issues, in any high level game every PC will be picking one of these up. Considering that it will only looe a charge 1 in 400 times (perhaps 1 in 200 depending on the frequency of failing death effects), it is likely an entire campaign, or several campaigns, could go by without this item ever becoming non-magical, it essentially gives a constant minor version of Death Ward, one of the best protection spells in the game. Compare this to Scarab of Protection.
At the very least this item should take up a slot, but even then logic only dictates every level 10+ character in Golarian carrying one of these around. A significant drawback would be interesting, perhaps every time the 1 in 400 fraying occurs the character ages one age category (no save).
Again congrats on placing, and good luck on your map!
RPG Superstar 2013 Top 4, RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
aka primemover003
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Congratulations William on making the Top 32 William!
From a design stand point I definitely agree with Neil in that it could use a static ability to make it more sexy. I'm also familiar with items that eventually lose their power, but it should do something really BIG before it fizzles. My only nitpick would be to use an immediate action to activate the fate-woven braid of the norns... I really do love the wordiness of the name.
--Vrocks of Love
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Congrats on making the top 32. Very appropriate theme to the item, it works on all levels from the description, the name invoking norms, and the mechanics all tying together.
My biggest issue is giving a re-roll mechanic out as a magic item, especially 3 times per day (albeit limited circumstances, but always circumstances you'd choose to use one on) at a low price of 9K. Pricing is one of the hardest parts of getting a magic item right, and there's more art than science to it, but this seems on the low side to me.
Saw this once, voted for it.
Really, I voted almost entirely on the strength of the flavor of this one. The mechanics aren't thrilling, but the way they're dressed up is wonderful.
I do agree that three uses per day seems like overkill, but I get that it allows the weakening mechanism, so I'm forgiving of it. Also, it ties in to the idea of the three norns to me.
Quick note- This item *does* take up a slot, the head slot. It's a circlet, presumably worn atop the head like a crown.
Liked this everytime I saw it. Nods to lore without being entirely derivative, flavorful, fun extra dice-rolling and thematic gamble to avoid burn-out.
So much win. Well done William.
Thank you so much for all of the feedback! I have to go to school now, but I will try to comment more thoroughly later tonight.
Congratulations William! It took me a while to warm up to this item, but it won me over in the end!
Good luck in the rest of the competition!
Welcome to the Top 32, William! Your submission has overcome the magic item horde and the many culls to emerge at the top of the heap. Congratulations!
I'll be one of the judges for this first round, offering my humble commentary which I hope will be helpful to you moving into Round 2. I will be considering each item based on three factors: functionality (does the item fill a useful niche within the rules?), mojo ("wow" factor--would I point out this item to someone else, or immediately get some cool concept to go with it?), and writing (is the formatting and text clear and error free? Is the prose interesting and evocative?)
Combining these elements successfully is, I feel, key to defining that elusive "Superstar" quality that we all want to see.
So you know what I'm looking for, now let's move on to the good bit: your fate-woven braid of the norns!
Functionality and Usefulness
The braid scores well on the usefulness factor. For the luck-challenged, rerolls are a benefit never underestimated. I am not generally a fan of rules that trigger off a specific roll as they may rarely or never occur, but the option to reroll a failed death save mitigates that.
Three uses per day seems odd as a PC might not even make three saving throws a day, let alone roll a 1 on them or suffer a death save. It seems to only be 3/day for the sake of interacting with the unweaving drawback, and I'm unsure the rules should be serving what amounts to flavor, and not the other way around. This could be averted by adding a secondary bonus that the PC could use (as Neil already suggested), though I might make it something that uses up one of the uses per day. That way, the item provides both a reactive option (the reroll) and a proactive option (such as choosing to add a bonus to a saving throw) allowing the PC to determine risk vs. reward.
It's a good, broad-appeal item that the majority of PCs would be happy to pick up. Nicely done!
The Cool Factor/Mojo
For this, I have to separate the mechanical design from the writing as they are not the same thing. Strip out all the flavor, and you have an item that rerolls a '1' on a failed save or failed death save 3/day, unless you get a 20 on the reroll, and then it's only 2/day until the item breaks. There was not much design risk taken here. Rerolls are excellent, but that is a given. The best innovation was in the drawback, but designing it that way just makes the core ability of the item a bit odd.
Prose and Editing
The writing is excellent. The strength of the flavor and prose is enough to make up for a lack of mechanical inventiveness. The writing's tight, free of extraneous description, and I didn't spot any errors. Template use is exact and it has the hallmarks of a professional turnover. Well done!
Overall
I like the item and you won a lot of hearts with the braid's evocative flavor and well-executed theme. I do suggest stepping out and taking some design risks in future rounds. I don't feel we've seen the innovation you're really capable of yet.
Good writing and professional polish are significant virtues, though, and they'll help you moving forward.
I am honored to have been allowed to provide feedback this year. I look forward to your entry for Round 2, William, which I'm sure will be an intriguing map!
Congratulations again!
Congrats on making the Top 32! I like that this item has a risk with the natural 20. That really makes it more interesting in play. Good luck in the rest of the competition.
I like the flavor, and the fact that you put a defensive effect in a circlet, where you wouldn't really expect it to go. But it works here.
A bit of rules correction: You should activate it as an immediate action. You can only do a free action on your turn.
I'm lukewarm on the possibility of losing the item on a bad roll. Kind of makes me feel like I need a braid for my braid (cue the Xibit meme).
Overall, my rating is: I'll most likely steal this for my homebrew, which means I like it.
Again, thank you all for your critiques and helpful criticism.
I have a few minutes of "free" time before getting back to my map, so I wanted to explain a few of my design choices and respond to your comments:
Mythology has always inspired me, especially the tripartite female Fates (or Moirai, Norns, etc.) found in many cultures. Pathfinder's version of a norn, with her ability to manipulate an individual's destiny via mystical golden thread, is no exception. I liked the idea of a trio of norns gifting a fated hero (i.e., PC) a piece of his own personal golden thread to safeguard his destiny. When considering how this thread might be incorporated in a magic item, I thought of the elegant-yet-austere norns and imagined them each supplying a length of hair to make a braided circlet that could hold the thread. It would be beautiful, like spun silver with one golden strand, but somewhat simple and definitely not ostentatious.
While brainstorming ideas for the Open Call, I skimmed over the Core Rulebook for rules elements that I felt were overlooked by existing magic items. The 'natural 1/natural 20' mechanic caught my attention, since it is--in my opinion--super flavorful (who doesn't crow over rolling a natural 20 or anguish over rolling a natural 1?) and hadn't been tackled by a magic item (that I could find).
So, I attempted to integrate both ideas: the norns' golden thread and the 'natural 1/natural 20' mechanic. Looking over the norn entry in the PRD, I decided my item would help prevent failed saving throws (reflecting the norn's shift fate ability), particularly saves against death effects (such as the norn's snip thread ability). I know my final entry is far from perfect, but I am fairly happy with the result.
So, from a design standpoint, this is probably a place where it might be a good idea to layer on one more small ability to the item. Even something like a simple +1 luck bonus to a single type of saving throw (Fort, Ref, Will...three saves for three norns/fates!), which the user has to decide on at the beginning of the day might be an interesting way to spin it.
Three uses per day seems odd as a PC might not even make three saving throws a day, let alone roll a 1 on them or suffer a death save. It seems to only be 3/day for the sake of interacting with the unweaving drawback, and I'm unsure the rules should be serving what amounts to flavor, and not the other way around. This could be averted by adding a secondary bonus that the PC could use (as Neil already suggested), though I might make it something that uses up one of the uses per day. That way, the item provides both a reactive option (the reroll) and a proactive option (such as choosing to add a bonus to a saving throw) allowing the PC to determine risk vs. reward.
I really dig these ideas. During the design process, I was worried the braid would be too situationally-specific and considered having it supply an across-the-board +1 luck bonus on saving throws or allowing rerolls for natural 1's on attack rolls. Giving more options for the daily uses is a good idea that I would definitely implement if I could go back and do it over again.
Very nice, William. I saw this multiple times, and mostly (always? not sure...) upvoted it. As others have said, the flavor of this really sells the item, though the mechanics aren't breaking too much new ground. If you advance, make sure you show off the chops and innovation when it comes to monsters.
Good luck in Round 2!
I figured that a trio of norns (being Lawful Neutral and ultimately beholden to the Wyrd) might be wary about giving anyone too much leeway when it came to bending the rules of fate. Plus, I wanted to include a way for natural 20s to interact with the item ;)
I definitely should have made the activation an immediate action [looks sheepish]. Thank you for pointing this out.
Pricing really confused me, I have to be honest. Since the braid's ability didn't replicate a spell effect, I tried to compare it to similar items. As Trekkie90909 surmised, the Jingasa of the Fortunate Soldier was the closest I could find, though the braid was still fairly different. I hoped the drawback would balance out the low-ish price.
Now it's back to the map-making grindstone (>_<)
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HAIR IT IS
YOU BRAID IT
GOOD BOB
AT THIS CLIP YOU'LL BUZZ THROUGH THE COMPETITION
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Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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I am a bit torn on this item. I LOVE its visuals and its links to Norse mythology. Those are very well done and flow naturally between fluff and crunch, which is a skill I admire.
But I strongly dislike that it is basically a limited form of reroll when it could be so much more if you used on its abilities the creativity you showed by bringing this to life.
That said, I am happy that you made Top32 with it and I have great expectations for your map :-)
I will be starting my reviews soon, and they can be bumpy at times, so here's a starter for 10 on Template (as for once Neil missed it :) ...
You almost nailed it - sorry Neil.
Weight - should not be a double dash! It's the old dreaded en-dash fail, although I would probably let a single dash slide a double dash give me my first Top 32 meal...
*munch*
Full review to follow in due course.
As promised yesterday, the GB&U this year is courtesy of me rather than GM_solsprial (he is busy drawing furiously). So without further ado, our amazing and awesome top 32+4 get the first set of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly critiques, and then on to everyone else who requested a critique in the CMI official thread, or in my shiny The GB&U Season 9 thread.
Fate-Woven Braid of the Norns
The Good: Name and description text really grab the reader, I am a sucker for a good description, and you nailed it, I can see the item in my head very clearly, and I like what I see.
The Bad: While I appreciate the real world influences in this item, on a professional level as a 3PP co-owner I try to keep to a strict limit how much real world gets into my fantasy. RW influence is not a bad place to start, but can easily break immersion if to heavy.
The Ugly: The item no longer functioning after three 20's hurts, I get the logical reason for the choice, but a less severe drawback/limit than destruction (such as a dormant period) would have sold me ever more on this item.
Congrats on making the Top 32!
I like this item a lot. I currently play an Ulfen Shieldmaiden with ties to the norns, so this one perked my ears up right away. I like the reversal of fortune rerolling a nat 1 offers, and your wording about the drawback was awesome. You gave an in-game logic reason for a mechanical aspect of design, and that is great. I can see why it goes bad with that logic, and why you get three rolls from the three traditional norns. I agree that three is the right number, but that more effects would make it more relevant. I'm never a fan of permanent not consumables being permanently wrecked though. What if rolling a nat 20 on an attack and confirming with a nat 20 caused the hair to glow brightly, and repair any damage it had taken? It stays on theme, and gives me some small hope that if the item has taken damage there is a way the fates might see it get brought back to full use. Justy my spitball idea though. Overall I love it, and would really want this one my current character. It's a little creepy how great it fit her...
Best of luck in all future rounds!
Assistant Developer
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Star Voter Season 6
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Hello, William, and welcome to the Top 32!
I'll be a judge for this round, and I'm honored and pleased to offer feedback on your fate-woven braid of the norns. I hope this feedback provides some helpful insight to you as you move forward in the competition.
As an assistant developer at Paizo, I'll offer you three levels of commentary that approximate the development process: some first impressions, a deeper look, and some measured feedback.
So, let's get started!
First impressions: OK, I love norns. This item does a wonderful job in simply translating the thematic elements behind the creatures into a usable item. Who wouldn't believe that the hair of norns would provide some protection against an ill fate?
Deeper look: Mechanically, you went for a simple element -- allowing a reroll -- but with some secondary choices that hurt the item's overall appeal. Considering that you can only use the item after rolling a natural 1 on a saving throw or after failing a saving throw against a death effect, I'd wager that very few players would even consider dropping the 9k to pick one up. And, while the braid losing a bit of its spark on each natural 20 is cool thematically, it essentially turns the item into a protracted consumable. That tarnishes its usability even further. Were I developing this item, I would suggest either adding a static ability that's not consumable, like the variable +1 luck bonus Neil suggested, or tinkering with the triggers to make it more useful in game.
Measured feedback: Keep in mind that you're designing game elements that not only have a "wow" factor, but that you want folks to value and use at the table. I think you've done a great job showing that you can come up with ideas that ooze flavor and atmosphere. I'd love to see you combine that approach with design choices that equally stand out.
That said, thanks for reading, and best of luck in the contest!
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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The flavor and description are great on this one. I like the fact that it frays and eventually breaks. Overall I think that the mechanics aren't particularly innovative, but it is a useful item that I can see people using.
Congrats, good luck on the next round.
I agree with Kigvan that I like the fact that it breaks slowly over time. It might be nice if the natural 1 re-roll expanded to other rolls.
Fate-Woven Braid of the Norns
Congratulations for making it into the Top 32!
Seeing as that's how I had to start this, you're already a potential "Superstar" so keep that in mind!
That out of the way, I'm going to treat your item the same as if I saw it in the Critique My Item Thread, which means I'll be using the following comments, and assuming you're submitting this item as your "sample" for an Open Call to Fat Goblin Game's Call to Arms book line.
Feel free to disagree with me and DEFEND YOUR CHOICES!
Superstar — I think "three times per day" here is potentially too powerful, especially for cost, but I'd need to look at it more closely. A "once per day" would be enough I'd bet, and add comment about how you can't just have like a dozen of these to wear you like.
Okay now that we have a few days before Top 16 reveals I've decided to comment on my competitors work. First, congrats one being a people's choice top 36. To me connecting more directly with the pathfinder community as an audience is even more impressive then clicking for a group of judges.
Playing with fate is dangerous territory but this pulls that off in a simple but elegant way. It was one of those items that grew on me a little but wasn't an early favorite and it's mainly just that the mechanics are so simple. That said this still packs some flavor and mojo and so kudos. Good luck in the next round.
Fate-Woven Braid of the Norns
Congratulation William!
While this item is solid, it left me a little underwhelmed. Rerolls are fairly easy to obtain and the specificity of what conditions need to be met mean this will very unlikely be used (even for me, & I roll a lot of Nat 1s.) I don't like save or suck spells, but GMs & players can take those spells out of the game, there is no need to fix/counter them with an item. I am never likely to use all three in a day: I doubt I will see three death effects in a day except against certain monsters, so I will almost always have one of these get out of death free cards available. The twist of fate aspect is much more intriguing. I like that mechanic and the description is equally strong. It is a nice twist on the randomness of a die roll. Again, the chances of it actually happening three times in a character's life are slim, making the item a must have at 9,000 gp.
Good luck on maps and focus on the interesting twists for future rounds.
Organized Play Line Developer
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Congrats on making top 32!
I loved the descriptions and title for your item. Yes, the mechanics are simple, but I thought you pulled it off in a unique, flavourful and memorable way. I love the idea of the braid diminishing over time (but agree that it should perhaps go dormant for a time instead of being destroyed). I also liked lucky pips idea above, about the double 20's repair the braid.
Anyways, I loved the flavour and style of your item, as well as the images evoked by tying it to the Norns. I enjoyed your take on twisting fate/rerolls and voted for the Fate-Woven Braid of the Norns quite a few times.
Good luck in round two!
Congratulations, William on earning you place in the Top 32 with the fate-woven braid of the norns! Here’s some thoughts that struck me while reading your item:
- The name is descriptive and intriguing.
- I caution against the use of phrases like “at first glance” because what I need you to do is quickly and concisely deliver an entertaining description of the item. With your first three words, you’re making me expect to spend time reading something that isn’t what your item actually looks like, and that’s probably going to be a waste of time.
- “Appears to be nothing more than…” and “closer examination” are phrasing that most item entries can do without. Again, I want you to tell me what the item looks like quickly, concisely, and with a bit of creative flair.
- It’s cool that this item could be used as a personal memento or a lover’s token, but I’ll decide where, how, and for what purpose it will be used in my game. If you need to cut word count, this kind of description can go.
- Getting to the power: it’s a reroll item. I’m sorry to say, I hate re-rolls. I mostly GM, and I mostly GM Pathfinder Society, where almost every player has access to at least one re-roll per session. There’s no feeling quite like setting up a challenge for players that have an overwhelming advantage, watching them walk a scenario all afternoon, get them on the fence because a big bad evil guy finally lands an attack or ability that might get them to actually feel something this game, and then have the player announce they’ll use their re-roll. It’s like a lever that flushes away all the dramatic tension of the last scene. I don’t want to kill my players, but stuff happening is almost always better than stuff not happening, and re-roll mechanics help to keep stuff from happening.
- You do include a mechanic that could ultimately destroy the item, which is what I’d be hoping for each and every time it gets used.
- Does this item need three uses per day?
- If I’m running an NPC using one of these, I get to tell the player their spell or ability failed to connect. If the player is using it, they get to keep the flashy monster abilities from landing. To me, that means no one gets to see their coolest abilities do anything. I could see why a player would want one in the interest of self-preservation, but isn’t putting our characters in danger part of what makes the game so exciting?
I want to thank everyone for providing feedback—I promise I'm listening (er, reading)!—and giving my braid the ol' look-over, whether you voted for it or not.
Maps come out very soon. Once again, I welcome your critiques and hope my entry proves worthy of your votes.
~Bill~
