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At least 1 person knows the truth now!
Goblin Squad Member
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They're obviously sourcing regular D&D. Things work differently in Golarion. I'm now going to source some 100% accurate lore which I need not source because it's obviously the truth.
Of Elves, Ears, and Genitals
What many humans may not understand is that their male gentailia are a recent adaptation, which "male" elves do not share. When humans came into being they carried many adaptations that made them superior to the elven prototypes that came before them such as a more powerful frame, curves in females, and a distaste for the music of Justin Beiber.
Perhaps the most advantageous of these was the rediversion of their blood from their ears to between their legs allowing for the adaptation of their genitals. This did result in the loss of the signals for Lifetime TV and The Oprah channel that elven ears can pick up from any location but the chances of birds, planes, and superman crashing into their ears immediately saw a 1337% reduction.
Fortunately this ended up being a dominant trait, allowing male half elves to enjoy both their genitals and facial hair.
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Goblin Squad Member
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For the record, he was not thinking of halflings. He was right the first time, all of that is the elves.
Edit: The part about spitting dwarfling blood? I suppose it's possible, but it's also possible he brewed the wrong kind of fungus into that last batch of beer. Sometimes it's hard to tell mushrooms apart down there in the dark.
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Goblin Squad Member
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"A King of Elves there was of old,
Saranrap by name,
Who slew the Narcs at Mellowmarsh
And Sorhed's host did tame.
And with him marched the stubby dwarves
Drafted from their mines,
But when the fearsome Battle raged
They hid behind the lines.
Sing: Clearasil, metrecal, lavoris in chorus
They hid behind the lines!
Angered was the mighty King
About to raise the dickens,
'Just let me get my hands,' quoth he,
'On those half-pint chickens!'
Fearful were the chicken-Dwarves,
But mickle crafty too.
King Yellowbac, their skins to save,
The elves did try to woo.
Sing: Twist-a-cap, reynoldswrap, gardol and duz
The elves he tried to woo!
'If you doubt our loyalty,'
Yello told the King,
'Take this gift, a dwarfish sword
That packs a mighty sting.
'Clearasil, it's called by name,'
The clever Dwarf spoke on,
'Take this bribe, and let us let
Bygones be bygone.'
Sing: Cadillac, pickapack, Edsel and coke
Bygones be bygone.
'I accept this wondrous gift
And think you Dwarves are tops,'
Said he, as he took the sword
And smote him in the chops.
And since that day it's said by all
In ballad, lay and poem,
'Only trust an elf or dwarf
As far as you can throw 'em!'
Sing: Oxydol, geritol, wheaties and Trix.
As far as you can throw 'em!"
From Bored Of The Rings, copyright by the Havard Lampoon
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Goblin Squad Member
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Also true, Jazzlvraz.
From Wikipedia:
Metrecal was a brand of diet foods introduced in the early 1960s.
From a Google search:
Gardol is sodium lauroyl sarcosinate. Today it goes by the name “Advance White”.
Switching back to Wikipedia:
Sodium lauroyl sarcosinate (INCI), also known as sarkosyl, is an ionic surfactant derived from sarcosine, used as a foaming and cleansing agent in shampoo, shaving foam and foam wash products.
Wikipedia again:
Duz, a powdered laundry soap and later, a powdered laundry detergent which had glassware and plates in each box; last made (by Procter and Gamble) in 1980.
Lavoris is a mouthwash that's still on the shelves, and Oxydol is another detergent that's also still for sale.
Considering the source, I'm really surprised none of those were 60s drug culture references.
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The key can be found in the existence of half elves. Since both elven sexes have penises, many elven males find themselves disinterested in the procreative act with females, having evolved to find masculine traits stimulating. Some will engage in it out of a sense of duty, which explains the low elven birth rate.
As a result, Elven females often have to look elsewhere for partners. Human males are often attracted to the exotic beauty of elven females, and the adaptive nature of humans means that most human males take the presence of the female elven penis in stride and continue with the sexual act.
A side note: Dwarves cannot procreate with elves or humans due to the peculiar nature of their generative regions: the circumference of Dwarven penises is generally square, with the occasional triangular or pentagonal outlier. The angles are supported with bony tissue, making coitus unpleasant for any but a hardy Dwarven vagina.
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"Hardy Dwarven Vaginas" is trademarked, but I will license it out as a band name for a small fee.
Athasian Dwarves are derisively known as "Smoothies" or "Rounders" for their cylindrical penises/vagina, and are known to be unable to sexually satisfy/accomodate dwarves from other corners of the multiverse. The same genetic trait that gives them their disfigured generative organ also renders their half-dwarf offspring sterile.