Contest: Non-Traditional Races! [Little Red]

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Secret Wizard wrote:

Love them all, great artistic direction on the Gaoth!

(Still waiting for the feedback <3)

Do you have an email you'd like me to send feedback too or would you rather I post it here?

[Little Red Goblin Games]

As it won't let me send you a PM, please pardon me if I post my feedback here:

Feedback:

General Notes While Reading (“Gut Reaction Notes”)

With so many states and forms (Ouphes [general term], mote, plumpy, stalky, lanky, tarrier, flitter) whose stats do the racial traits represent? Am I playing a plumpy tarrier or a lanky flitter? (Resolved a LITTLE later on the tarrier/flitter point in the feats).

I would suggest making the feats listed in exposure a multi-part racial trait (that way the players see the inherent benefits right there).

The versatility of Erratic Mutation lends itself to being a bit stronger than your traditional racial trait. Considering you could have all of them active at once, I would recommend setting this at a much higher racial point value.

By the way, the elastodermis artwork is hilarious.

Something to keep in mind with a fey creature type (though they fit the bill) is that this make them immune to things like charm person and require things like charm monster.

On First Tarrier, the second part of the ability states that you can do it once per week. The next sentence says it is permanent.

For Plane Flitter, the fluff doesn't seem to match the mechanics.

When you use Ouphe Sojourner to lose a filled mutation slot, do you suddenly physically change or do the slots have to be unfilled?

Overall the race is a little on the powerful side if sheerly for the number of options presented to it. We did something VAGUELY similar to it with a race in our Tome of Twisted Things called the warped (eidolon offspring). Sheer power isn’t the only way to be strong. It is as much about when you DON’T have a bonus to something as when you do (and how much of a bonus you have). Having so many options and ways to change those options makes them very formidable (say, compared to an elf). Right now, by using the various methods you presented (including racial feats and alternate mutations), you have access to 12 racial traits at the drop of a hat.

Personally, and 100% take this with a grain of salt, I’d recommend removing Exposure as a racial trait (making them into full-fledged racial feats) and limiting the number of mutation points to something like 3 (maybe with a racial feat to improve them to 5?).

Ok, now that I have the “bad” out of the way, let’s get to the good. This is probably the best race that has been submitted thus far. Hands down. You have a very creative mind and I love the sing-songy ragamuffin vibe I get from them. Honestly, I don’t care so much about the word count being over. We might be able to trim it a LITTLE, but everything that is on your page is important to understanding the race. :-)

[Tricord]

Watching. I'm liking the Ouphes. Would be fun to play a crazy "fey" game.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

So as the deadline draws near we have the following races submitted:

Nebans by Josh Jordan

Azraelans by Dominik Meissner

Moorweni by Brian Reck

Solari by Matt 'Helio' Roth

Termatid by Jeff Lee

Ouphes by Secret Wizard
(If I didn't list something- I am half asleep and kinda beat up)

The entry period will end on the 6th. We have provided feedback to ALMOST everyone. If you received feedback, PLEASE don't take it as rejection. The hallmark of a good designer is to never love an idea so much it can't change! We have some great things in this contest but we are still accepting! If anyone ever wanted something published- now is the time!

[Secret Wizard]

Oh, yeah, I'm aching to get done with some real-life projects to get back to applying the feedback! Already have a direction.

[Curaigh]

Finishing one racial archetype today, then off to the critique circle. One more at least is coming. :)

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Fantastic! Can't wait to see it.

[Ambrosia Slaad]

I believe I have nearly all the crunch nailed down, and I'm now starting the editing and re-editing phase of the flavor/supporting text. It's currently floating around 1800-2000 words.

[Secret Wizard]

Hey there, Little Red! I implemented most of the feedback and created The Ouphes Lite 2.0.

The features are less messy and more straight-forward so you are not that worried in planning what racial traits you wanna pack each day and just pick 2 out of 3 features you think you'll find more useful.
It also makes it easier for players to create their own mutations, since each mutation has a bit of a higher power level.

Regarding the feedback, I just want to say it was pretty helpful.

In any case, feel free to post comments, impressions, suggestions and the such!

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Thanks Wizard! I'll send it along to the designers. (Mechanically, it kinda reminds me of the old ravan race and shaper class we wrote WAY back when).

[Secret Wizard]

Cool cool cool.

Let me know if you need more material (which I've created for some of my players but I thought would just create more bloat).

If you decide you want to use the race, also tell me whether you are using the drawings in the file or some made in-house, or none at all. The drawings that don't look like a five-year-olds were made by a friend of mine, so if you use them, I'd be thankful if there was a credit for her :)

[Juda de Kerioth]

I have one race that i want to submit... but, it is in spanish and im not so sharp writting in english (as you can see now) can I submit in my native language?

[Secret Wizard]

I can translate it for you, post it here and I'll rewrite it in English, ¿te parece?

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Hmm
Well, we publish in English and even though I live in Arizona- my Spanish is not good at all. We really need something that EVENTUALLY is in English unfortunately and grammar does count. You can send it in and I can see what I can do about a translation (my girlfriend speak Spanish well and is a teacher) but I can't 100% promise it will be spot on.

Edit:

Reminder, it ends tomorrow! Don't miss this chance!

[Drejk]

Sent.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Awesome. We just got it.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

So we have a few hours left for submissions, but we have the following races submitted:

Aerlim by Jess Gomez

Neban by Josh Jordan

Oc'li by Wojciech “Drejk” Gruchała

Aokin by Scott Janke

Etherealon by Jeffrey Swank

Azraelans by Dominik Meissner

Moorweni by Brian Reck

Solari by Matt 'Helio' Roth

Termatid by Jeff Lee

Ouphes by "Secret Wizard"

[Orthos]

Good luck to everyone =)

This just was bad timing for me. A ton of overtime right smack in the middle of this. Would have loved to participate but it just wasn't in the cards. Maybe next time.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

No problem Orthos, sorry to hear that (or good to hear that? I mean... money is good right?).

We like running these contests to give new designers a shot to break into the industry with a stellar piece so we will probably do this again for future books.

[Drejk]

Lets say that my creation was inspired by a single snapshot from a dream I had some time ago - a hooded creature with a one large eye in center of the 'face' surrounded by multiple smaller eyes standing with a drawn longbow in its hands.

I recall that in-dream those creatures was referred to by my inner voice/contextual knowledge as 'upgrade of elves' but I dropped that part.

[ExplorationStation]

Last minute entry! A thousand apologies for being so late.

[Curaigh]

I must admit I am eager to see those. Mine suddenly seem much less inspired :)

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Ok! We are closed! ExplorationStation's "lipan" were the last to enter.
Thank you everyone who submitted to this contest. There are lots of fantastic pieces in the mix and it's anyone's game at the moment. This Saturday we will be giving our initial review with a follow up session at a later date (it's hard to give a solid one with the holidays, but probably a week or so).

In the first phase we will provide feedback on every race submitted to us.

After the initial review, we will narrow it down to a number of final contestants and ask them to act on the feedback provided to them.

The final review will result in the selection of our winners.

Stay tuned!

[Marco Polaris]

Hoi, I already see a few things I need/want to fix on my document. Bloody hindsight.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

By all means, send along revisions :-)

[Little Red Goblin Games]

So apparently we have a glut of "etheral" races and jellyfish-like races. O.o Who would have thought?

Also we have a last second entry, the Melodiousred by Kayley Flanegin. She was like a few hours past deadline but we let her in because we are super big jerks. :-)

[Secret Wizard]

I'd like to beg the committee the possibility to add a jellyfish mutation...

[PathlessBeth]

Jellyfish races?
Now we just need some peanut-butterfish races to go with them.

[Ambrosia Slaad]

Little Red Goblin Games wrote:

So apparently we have a glut of "etheral" races and jellyfish-like races. O.o Who would have thought?

Apparently Mikaze's aequoreals have been busy seeding the Prime Material with "Prometheus" DNA for new life. (There's also a pic on pg. 68 of Wayfinder #8.)

[Marco Polaris]

At least when it comes to ethereal races, they don't take up much space.

[Jeffrey Swank]

Little Red Goblin Games wrote:

So apparently we have a glut of "etheral" races and jellyfish-like races. O.o

Ack! Hate it when parallel design rears it etheral head! Lol

[Drejk]

Meh. My jellyfish race vague idea is waiting for much later.

[Orthos]

Now I wish I'd had the time to participate! If nothing else my race idea would have stuck out from the crowd =)

[christos gurd]

Orthos wrote:

Now I wish I'd had the time to participate! If nothing else my race idea would have stuck out from the crowd =)

as i have told you back in my toaster days i do love your homebrew races, so maybe next time(if there is one) ill get to edit one of yours ;)

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Jeffrey Swank wrote:

Little Red Goblin Games wrote:

So apparently we have a glut of "etheral" races and jellyfish-like races. O.o

Ack! Hate it when parallel design rears it etheral head! Lol

Know what? Don't worry about it. It happens WAY more than you think.

So we have the initial feedback on all the races from the designers (thank you Zerby and Dayton for dedicating your Saturday to that) and we will be posting up who made it to the final round as soon as we are able. I want to make note that there were no "bad" races or races that we would never conciser publishing.

Would anyone have an issue with us posting up the feedback here or would you prefer that we provide it in a private venue?

[Tricord]

Little Red Goblin Games wrote:

Would anyone have an issue with us posting up the feedback here or would you prefer that we provide it in a private venue?

I vote for public feedback but I'm sure some others will feel differently. It would be nice to learn from other submissions as well.

[Secret Wizard]

I wouldn't mind public feedback, but if the majority prefers private, I can send contact info.

[Shadowborn]

Public is fine.

[Aishachan13]

Public is fine with me too.

[Marco Polaris]

Likewise!

[Little Red Goblin Games]

So just how I am going to break it down- a lot of in person talk went on so the “general” section was my notes from the meeting. The “specific” section refers to feedback left on the Google doc by specific individuals. This includes feedback primarily from myself, Jeremiah Zerby, and Dayton Johnson (please note that he did not comment on the docs, just in person). In certain instances Caleb Aylsworth (designer), Ian Sisson (editor), and Deanna Roberds (artist) provided feedback as well (mostly when you see specific feedback from them specifically). Please keep in mind that these were written in a fairly casual environment and anything taken as “flippant” or “rough” is probably a result of that rather than the designer’s opinion. There were no races that the designers really flat-out disliked and by transcribing their thoughts as closely as possibly, I hope to portray that.

Solari
Matt 'Helio' Roth

Feedback:

General:

Diurnal and enhanced vision are a lot of fun mechanically and represent the race well. Solar Affinity is a great little fluff one.

Specific:

Scott: Having read it all, they just kinda seem like "sun" themed humans. We did something very similar to this with sunkids. My concern is that this links back to "humans" and thus existing lore (though that may be a technicality). I do like some of their racial traits and feats.

Zerby: I think if the solari were plants they'd be dope.

Deanna: It's make sense to the lore as well if they were plant

type people, also: Link

Dayton: I think the solari could actually benefit from a more avian theme. Either way I'd like to see some dimorphism between them and the duskborn.

Melodious
Kayley Flanegin

Feedback:

General:

Grammar: Decap race names. A few awk sentences and WC errors.

A few elements of this violate the setting neutrality clause. Dictating city names/layout, trade existing agreements, etc.

A 50 foot fly speed with average maneuverability on a base race proves problematic at low level play but is more reasonable at higher level when you can duplicate the effect via your wealth by level. I would suggest working with this a bit.

Explain “Fleet Footed and Gliding-Wings” in the alt racial trait rather than simply stating it.

Specific:

Scott: “Nothing in Melodious society is mass produced, and almost everything is made lovely and ornate.” I like this and the cultural implications. Very visual.

Zerby: Neat race, nothing too outrageous about them except for their warfare. That is awesome.

Scott: Child of the Sky has a lot of fun fluff potential. Love it.

Scott: Warrior build is a little underwhelming. It is stated that they are behemoths with huge builds. I got a very different visual that “Toughness”.

Scott: Bow Mastery. I would never take this. Maybe give them a +1 bonus on damage rolls with such weapons as well? Otherwise martial characters are already going to be proficient with these weapons so the only people who would take them are non-martial characters.

Lipan
"ExplorationStation"

Feedback:

General:

(To quote Zerby) “I particularly find it in poor taste to make a race so reliant upon a piece of equipment (especially one as easily targeted as armor) to survive. That's not to say it doesn't have a place. But it doesn't lend well to non aquatic stories. Which makes their scope highly limited in that regard.” (A sentiment shared by all of us after review)

Minor grammar/style guide things like decapping race names.

Specific:

Scott: Exotic form is quite powerful and I would suggest adjusting the point value up a bit. Also, I like the clause about poisons tailored to their biology, but what does that entail (is their a cost associated with it?).

Covinum
Mark Worcester

Feedback:

General:
(Covered in specific)

Specific:

Zerby: “All in all neat Idea, some of the concepts need to be hammered out more. Are they or are they not ethereal when they are uncovered. If liquids, and powders and clouds pass through them unbroken, how are they damaged. So on and so forth.”

Zerby: (Fitting form) This is a strange tag, fire is not exactly corporeal either. Incorporeal creatures should in theory have an easier time to hit him. Also it will not stack with other deflection bonuses so it is limited in scope to low levels.

Scott: I found fitting form rather compelling until I got to the undefined section. I felt it was too complex for easy adoption/ease of use. The invisibility part also didn’t sit right with me. That doesn’t mean it can’t be integrated, felt very strong. A 1st level rogue (with a decent Cha score) could take off their armor for a few rounds and go sneak attack crazy.

Zerby: (Void Skimmer) “that's a huge bump to permanent invisibility. And despite being mostly formless, it says nothing about not being able to deal damage. So monk = win”

Ouphes
"Secret Wizard"

Feedback:

General:

The race overall got a very positive feedback. The only detractors were the complexity of mutations. It feels like they would overrun a class. Some editing is needed and definition of terms could help bring a more cohesive feel to it.

If option = power than this race is overpowered. It has something for everything, which is a very strong racial trait.

Specific:

Deanna loved the little sketches and artwork (she wants to draw them).

Termatid
Jeff Lee

Feedback:

General:
(Covered in specific)

Specific:

Scott: 4 armed ant people... kinda getting there. Not SUPER out there and we've done it before in Racial Guide 1.

Scott: (Ambergris production) This is the real stand out from this race. The rest was relatively run-of-the-mill (mechanically) but I really dug the implementation of this.

Caleb: (Natural armor) This and multi-armed both feel unnecessary.

Zerby: (Termatid Buckler Blade) I think this is rather neat. It's a weapon so you can't enchant the shield portion, but it can provide up to a +3 shield bonus if you don't attack. Or Before you attack if you are wielding them.

Moorweni
Brian Reck

Feedback:

General:

Minor grammar, decap races, and a few repeated words (WC issue). A few “show, don’t tell” issues as well.

There were a lot of ill-defined concepts and visuals in the race descriptions.

Specific:

Scott: (Physical description) Jellyfish biology "works" because they are in water. Are these guys puffed up? Do they collapse like plastic bags when out of water (like a real jellyfish)? Are they filled with fluids? Also, clarify number of tendrils in each section.

Scott: (Physical description- shoulder tentacles) Thick? Thin? Articulated? Do they just drag on the ground? Are they erect like tails? Do they hover over the shoulders in a predatory arch?

Scott: (Physical description- translucent hide) Reading the preceding and following paragraphs- how thick is this? I imagine them having like thin skin (from what I've read) but then we talk about it being thick enough to pierce. Also, do they wear like full on gothic full plate like other races?

Scott: (Malleable Hide) Too strong for 2 points.

Scott: (Natural Scavenger) Wouldn’t that be Survival?

Scott (Natural attacks): What is a striker (mechanically)? You mention it in Mild Paralytic Poison. Later you mention a stinger attack. There is a claw attack listed at one point as well.

Azraelans
Dominik Meissner

Feedback:

General:

A fair bit of setting dictation (naming commonwealths for example, dictating resource levels, etc)

Grammar: Decap races, a few minor spelling, a lot of WC errors,

Race is fully lacking mechanics.

Specific:

Scott: I can actually dig the visuals of this race. Very unique.

Etherealons
Jeffrey Swank

Feedback:

General:

Overall solid. The felt a bit like “humans, but ethereal” rather than something entirely new however.

With both ethereal races we started a discussion on, “does assuming the setting has an ethereal plane violate setting neutrality?” and we ultimately decided that it did not because the “otherworld” is a common part of most cosmos.

Specific:

Scott: When they dress (vibrantly) are there clothes likewise ghostly?

Ian: (Relations): Direct reference to existing races. Reword to be more generic; you can't guarantee that humans/elves/etc will exist in the same world.

Scott: See add a “see below” tag to the subcoporeral racial trait.

Aokin
Scott Janke

Feedback:

General:

Decap race names.

Several instances where fortune’s flash was named “Fortune Insightful”.

Specific:

Ian: This actually seems like one of the cooler ones we've gotten so far, at least IMO.

Zerby: Unique in look and lore, mechanically blasè. Some of the feats are pretty ridiculous. Like the racial feat to counterspell as an immediate action. That stunned thing makes no sense.

Scott (Celestial Observation): This whole thing is a mess. When THEY are the victim they get stunned too? Do they stun their opponent? Do they get stunned and ignore the effect? Not sure what this means.

Oc'li
Wojciech “Drejk” Gruchała

Feedback:

General:

This was the only one that all three core designs agreed upon.

I don’t know latting so Drejk beat me until I could say the name right. Oc like in octopus. Cli pronounced like cleek (without the k)

Specific:

Zerby: Mechanically simple, visually unique and quite strange, thematic with a touch of genetic insanity. Overall I think this is a solid choice.

Scott (creature type): Solid and fitting.

Scott (overall): Brilliant and insane all tied up in one little package.

Neban
Josh Jordan

Feedback:

General:

Primary issue was mechanics (keep in mind the options = power).

Ability score racial trait too strong. To quote Scott, “Why can't they just pick one? There is no lore reason why they get this and humans only get +2 to something. This makes it the best race for stats right now. Playing a ranger? Dex and Wis. Wanna be a paladin? Str and Cha (or w/e).”

Mechanically complex but physically/thematically rather mundane.

Specific:

Zerby: (Good Upbringing) I don't like that there is no alternate racial trait for this. It dictates part of the characters backstory, and again it's not an inheritable trait but a social one. (Scott’s note: There is a racial feat (outcast) that should probably be an alt racial feat.)

Scott: (Neban tongued) Why can’t this be overcome with Wisdom?

Scott: (Good Upbringing) This still gives them a significant skill boost off the bat unlike other core player races.

Scott/Ian: (Niban springed spear) Why would I NOT have it be a 10 foot spear?

Scott (Superior Clan Adaptation): So 40 foot swim speed at level 1 as a commoner?

Scott/Ian: (Bloodline Unleashed) I don’t think “Character actively played since at least level 2” is a “thing”. Nor should it be, or else we have to define life “while not being played” as something differently (mechanically and lore wise). If you are REALLY set on this, I would sidebar something about suggesting that this be a reward for actively playing a character or building it into the racial trait.

Aerlim
Jess Gomez

Feedback:

Specific:

Zerby: Does everyone want to be incorporeal or what. At least this has some interesting burn bright burn fast fluff to it. It doesn't play well in a harsh setting as you get one shot and limited time. Welcome to D&D hard mode.

Scott: As Zerby said, this is very flavorful but kind of makes this perma death mode. I don't know how well received by players this will be.

Scott: (Physical description) In regards to them looking like the most common humanoid race in the area of their birth, this is a little weird in an evolutionary sense (I mean I get it... magic) but it feels like a coup out. What if they were giants or squid (or jellyfish) people? Wouldn’t their base mechanics change?

Zerby: (Mostly Incorporeal) At least this point value seems more in line with the benefit. Although by having the subtype and it not being explicitly removed, they are invulnerable to the grappled condition and cannot be tripped. This is still quite powerful.

Scott: (The Great Beyond) Way more than a -1 in my mind.

Zerby: (Manifest) Spend a feat to lose your most expensive racial feature for a certain amount of time. This needs to be more valuable. Because the penalties for being incorporeal are not all that bad. (especially considering you can still make unarmed strikes and natural attacks.)

Results
So! With that feedback (and please take it in the best possible light- we LOVED all the races that were submitted!) here were the final scores:

Ouphes by "Secret Wizard" (2/3)

Melodious by Kayley Flanegin (1/3)

Oc'li by Wojciech “Drejk” Gruchała (3/3)

Solari by Matt 'Helio' Roth (2/3)

Covinum by Mark Worcester (2/3)
We wanted to narrow it down to just 5. The last slot was a tough call between Melodious, Aokins, and Moorweni.

So! Out of our 5 finalists (Melodious, Ouphes, Covinum, Solari, and Oc'li) we will decide on the final 3 that we will include. If you would like to make any changes, revisions, expansions, etc please feel free to do so and send them in for revisions.

If anyone would like to see their specific google doc with the comments on them, please send me a message or email with an address you can use to view google docs and I will give you access.

It was not an easy choice and we appreciate the hard work everyone put into it!

[Orthos]

Congratulations guys!

[Tricord]

This was fun. Thanks LRGG.

[Curaigh]

Awesome jobs Kayley, Wojciech, Matt, Mark and 'Secret Wizard'

Good luck to everyone!

Thanks for the feedback Little Red :)

[Shadowborn]

Congratulations, folks.

[Secret Wizard]

Why do people keep putting my Christian name between quotes?

Happy to be chosen but I would really have liked to see the contributions! Hope their creators post them here anyway.

I'd give another pass to my entry. I have some ideas to keep simplifying the whole mutations thing so it doesn't compete with class mechanics for cognitive space but still remains relevant.

[Marco Polaris]

Well, lemme try and make my doc public... Is this accessible?

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Yes, it seems to work.

[Drejk]

Yay!

Let's say that the driving psychological trait of oc'cli appeared spontaneously at the last minute when I was pondering over exact ability scores...

Initially I thought about submitting (warning: shameless plug) xenopi or kai-tang.

[Little Red Goblin Games]

Plug your shame all you want, good work is good work :-)