Alright, I have submitted lots of characters, but none have been selected. I'm anticipating a question here: I have tried for Morphling's RotRl, Dragoncat's RotRl, Reunion of the Pathmasters, and Grimm Tales. Any idea why my characters weren't working? My characters were Tsirion Ragmar for Pathmasters and Morphling's RotRl, Aston Yllko for Dragoncat's, and The Huntsman for Grimm Tales.
That post by itself tells us nothing about your characters. Your problem might have been simply being late to the gate.
**after checking the profile you used for posting **
If Tsiron was one of your characters, the objection might have been the overdramatic over the top origin for your character. If Tsiron is typical of the characters you create, maybe it's a case of trying to do too much, and still falling short of making a complete and believable character.
The other thing a DM might have singled out from that profile is a more than healthy desire for character attention.
Play-by-posts can be difficult to get into, especially if you're an unknown quality. Some people like to stick to the "Ten Minute Background" to flesh out a character well.
Step 1: Write 5 background and concept elements that you feel are important to your image of the character.
Step 2: List at least two goals for the character. At least one of these goals should be one that the character has, while another should be one that you, as a player, want to see developed over the course of the game.
Step 3: List at least two secrets about your character. One is a secret the character knows, one is a secret that involves him but that he is not actually aware of yet.
Step 4: Describe at least three people that are tied to the character. Two of them are friendly to the character, one is hostile.
Step 5: Describe three memories, mannerisms, or quirks that your character has. They don't have to be elaborate, but they should provide some context and flavor.
From a technical standpoint, your writing could use some work. It's nothing that experience won't fix, but it needs to be more parsimonious and to-the-point. You can have an elaborate description without meandering.
I try to give all my characters three things: an interesting past (that doesn't outshine the present or future) that informs where he or she is at in the present; his or her present activities, goals, and thoughts; and some inkling of the future I'd like to explore.
In PbP (generally speaking, insert necessary variance statement here), the character takes precedence. You've already developed the character (tsiron) to completion, or nearly so. If I was GM reading Tsiron's sheet, I would feel that Tsiron would have nowhere to grow. He's already found his purpose.
A table would be different because the combat takes a more of a central role (again, generally). If I was GMing a table, he would be fine.
PbP is a whole different beast, and it took me some time to feel out the differences. Don't be too hard on yourself.
In Tsirons defense, the Pathmasters recruitment requested several elements be present in the background which is why its so extensive. Everyone was to create an established adventurer that had been inactive for 5 years. I kinda took that as we were even higher level but some of our power faded with inactivity, just as a flavorful way to explain why we were only level 3 but had already accomplished quite a bit.
Personally Tsiron I didn't have any problem with your writing. In fact I enjoyed your story. GM Choon does have a good point though. How much background your GM wants is a good thing to find out before you write it, just for future refrence. Adams Family DM wanted a rich background so you did well, but others in the future may want less.
I've had the same problem as you. I've submitted several times and the Pathmasters game is the first one I've been accepted into. Seems like each one gets like 20 submissions so it takes a few tries before you can wiggle yur way into one. I know, it can be a little frustrating to put a bunch of time in character generation and then not get in, and for that to happen several times, but just keep yur head up and don't give up. You'll get into one eventually. Try submitting a cleric or an oracle couple times. Seems like divine casters are the least submitted, so perhaps you'd have a better chance.
Another tip as well, go back and read the back stories for the characters that got accepted. This will kinda give you an idea of what that GM was looking for and will help you to write future backgrounds those GMs will like. The context should still be your own, but the elements it should contain are pretty much the same for everyone. The ones that got accepted probbly did a good job of incorperating those elements and reading those stories will help you recognize them. This is what I did right before I submitted Ransaq into the Pathmasters game, which yielded good results for me
I try not to use the "typical" barbarian, fighter, etc. I avoid this with my background and I explain how he came to be whatever class it has. I also put 1 or 2 goals in the story.
In addition I will give his personality it's own paragraph, and I would have a "what I bring to the party" section. If two background stories are similar then being able to mesh with preselected members might get you over.