So, I'm starting an alchemist character, and one of his calling cards will very stupid alchemy jokes (puns & such). I'm having a hard time coming up with some, so I was wondering of the community had any ideas.
"Is there trouble brewing?"
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"That creature is just...vial."
"Oooh, you're just flasking for it."
"Here, have a little glass of BUBBLY!" (said as you toss a Bomb).
"Man my mother would tan my Hyde if she saw me drinking something like this." (said as you imbibe a Mutagen).
Also, lame Chemistry puns. There are many of them. Look 'em up.
Like "I'd make a bad alchemy joke, but all the good ones Argon. Geddit?"
Super! Keep e'm coming!
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They always said I had an explosive temperament. Toss a bomb
Undead? Well if you can't helium, can't curium, might as well barium
He will try to frighten us, but we must do like noble gases and not react.
If anyone asks "Are you sure" Like a proton, I'm positive.
You think this is hard? To me it's pretty basic.
Acid what you did there.
Don't worry, I can always find a solution.
An alchemist never dies, he justs stops reacting.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
(throws a vial)"Potion in Motion!!"
(holds up a potion "By the Gods, this is VIAL!!"
(sing a tune) "Ebony and Alchemy come together in perfect harmony..."
(looks around the dungeon)"This place is the Bomb!!"
Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!
Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I've got my ion you.
Old Alchemists never die, they just stop reacting.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The Alchemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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I guess these are more taunts than jokes, but hey. From my home campaign's vivisectionist/beastmorph alchemist:
"I can transmute lead into gold. But I'm about to transmute your face into the ground."
*Group walks in on evil wizard (that we wanted to interrogate) casting a long spell*
Me: Quick, stop his concentration!
*Alchemist runs in with pounce, gets two claws and a bite, crits on the bite, and does sneak attack damage on all three hits. The wizard gets one-shot, in-game characters' jaws drop.*
Alchemist: Well, you said to stop his concentration, so I diluted him a bit.