2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[Aoann]

Lucus Palosaari wrote:

Bullet-Catching Duster

Spoiler:

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 6th
Slot body; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 7 lbs.
Description
Crumpled bullets serve as studs in the thick, black leather of this overcoat. Attacks by firearms against the wearer of this coat are resolved against the wearer’s normal AC for all range increments except the first, regardless of mundane or magical enhancements to the firearm or bullets used. This effect does not function against attacks that occur within the firearm’s first range increment. If the wearer has the grit class feature, she begins each day with 1 additional grit point. This extra point does not increase her maximum grit total. When the wearer uses the gun tank’s resolve deed (from the gunslinger archetype in Ultimate Combat), her chance to negate critical hits and sneak attack damage is treated as five levels higher. If the wearer is a gunslinger, she gains the gun tank’s resolve deed if she does not already possess it. If the wearer is not a gunslinger, she may use the gun tank’s resolve deed once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, ablative barrier (from Ultimate Combat), creator must have the Snatch Arrows feat; Cost 15,000 gp

I don't have any feed back for you, except that I really really liked this item :)

[Aoann]

Iammars wrote:

Hm... apparently some people liked my item.

Tactician’s Go-Ke
Aura strong conjuration; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 27,000 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
The stones from this go-ke can be used to turn the battlefield into something resembling a game of go.

Spoiler:

A character may use the stones inside a tactician’s go-ke as thrown weapons with a range increment of 10 ft., although they do no damage. Their real use comes in throwing them into squares (AC 5). A stone from a go-ke exudes an aura of force which pushes against people trying to move near it. Anyone who tries to enter that square needs to make a DC 20 Strength check or they can’t move into that square for the remainder of their action. This effect doesn’t prevent the person who threw the stone from picking it back up from an adjacent square.

At the end of any turn, if there are any creatures with a stone directly north, south, east and west of them, the stones attempt to capture that creature. The creature being captured attempts a DC 20 Reflex save. If he passes, he may move 5 ft as an immediate action. If he fails, or is prevented from moving, the stones cast maze on him, except that instead of navigating a maze, the creature must play a game of go. This use of the stones expends all the magic from them.

A newly created tactician’s go-ke has 24 stones, each the size of a fist. All stones in one go-ke are one color, traditionally white or black.
Construction
Requirements Create Wondrous Item, interposing hand, maze; Cost 13,500 gp

** spoiler omitted **

Item requires characters to know what a game of go is. I like the name, I like concept but I am not sure if that isn't asking a bit much.

[Kiel Howell]

Sanguine Gem

Cool name...sanguine is a good word.

Favored by...ooo rooky mistake :)

Other than that the intro is good.

Hmmm...this is basically a variable rod of metamagic with the potential to kill you. Not really Superstar.

I like the tiered way you present it...but does the spell take up a spell slot X slots higher?

The drawback is a little crazy. The possibility of killing you makes this almost unuseable for a lot of people.

The price is a little low for the fact that you can increase the effective CL by your HD. That's crazy powerful even with the drawback.

Overall, you've got some descriptive writing ability...just learn to balance and mechanically write things a little better. Keep it up!

[Monica Marlowe]

Roy Wagner wrote:

Looks like I got into the top 100 but didn't manage to impress the judges. However I welcome any and all feedback anyone wants to provide :)

Dwarven Songwood

I like the imagery of this item a lot, it painted a camping picture though, which sadly camping items don't do too well around here. The additional weapon tempering benefit was a clever addition, which rounded out the picture of adventurers preparing for the hard day ahead. I voted for it often.

Next year try to think about bringing something with a little more energy and zing to the contest, this is a great follow up item after you've gotten your foot in the door with a publisher, but it's not SuperStar.

[Jaragil]

Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser
Aura strong varied; CL 6th (type I), 9th (type II), 12th (type III), 15th (type IV), 18th (type V)
Slot —; Price 8,000 gp (type I), 15,000 gp (type II), 21,000 gp (type III), 27,000 gp (type IV), 33,000 gp (type V); Weight —
Description
Filled with runes, these thin strips are usually made of leather or bone and fit neatly against the blade or hilt of a weapon.
Each lesser runestrip of enchanting contains a single +1 weapon special ability, such as flaming or bane. Affixing the strip to a weapon is a full-round action, after which the strip requires 10 minutes to attune itself to the magical energies of the weapon, giving it the contained special ability. Removing the strip is a move action.
Each strip can only be placed on a weapon with a certain highest modified bonus (enhancement bonus plus special ability bonus equivalents, including those from character abilities and spells), depending on the type of the strip (type I strip to a +1 weapon, type II to a +2 weapon, and so on).
A strip can only be placed on a weapon if that weapon could gain that weapon special ability through magic item creation. For example, keen runestrip of enchanting can only be placed on a piercing or slashing weapon. Placing such a strip to a bludgeoning weapon will have no effect. Likewise, the strip would have no effect on a non-magical weapon. Runestrip’s special ability counts towards the weapon’s modified bonus.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, the requirements of the special ability contained within the strip
Cost 4,000 gp (type I), 7,500 gp (type II), 10,500 gp (type III), 13,500 gp (type IV), 16,500 gp (type V)

[Monica Marlowe]

CalebTGordan wrote:

Stanhope of Bloody Roots

Well, after I found out what a "stanhope" was, I thought this was a pretty nifty item. It's clever, but it seems more like an artifact or plot device type of item rather than something that one might find frequently in the "Ye Olde Wondrous Item Shoppe of Wonders". In any case, I voted for it more times than I can count and never felt any guilt for it. :-)

edited to add: This was the only "bloody" item I liked.

[Kiel Howell]

Sibilant Sistrum

Interesting name and makes me think of the Sibilant Sisters.

Your first sentence...while cool...is clunky.

DC 5 check is just...weird...to activate. It's not bad per se but it just doesn't sit right.

5' cone, again an interesting choice in numbers. Why not 15? It would also be more in line with what is done by other abilities/items.

Whoa...big Con damage on fail and STILL Con damage on save? It should be all or none. Con damage is deadly to low levels...and this could conceivably be used when PCs are around level 3.

Aha...now I see why you chose those numbers. Weird...but not necessarily good.

Overall, I wanted to like the item but it just didn't pan out. You had kind of a cool idea with the expanding DC and cone size but that doesn't carry it through enough. It becomes a little complicated and if there's anything I learned this year it's that voter fatigue can REALLY play havoc with complicated items.

[Kiel Howell]

Bracer of Forceful Restraint

I reviewed this with you privately Jacob so I won't repost it here. Needless to say I am surprised you didn't make it with this. Probably the conscious design to go with 1 bracer played some havoc.

[Aoann]

Haladir wrote:

Here's the item I submitted. This was my first year entering RPG Superstar. I'm happy to notice that it made the top 100. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

-----
Mantle of Butterflies

Spoiler:

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot chest; Price 12,000 gp; Weight --
Description
This garment is usually decorated with images of stylized butterflies, and is worn over normal clothing or armor. Up to three times per day, as a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity, the wearer can summon a swarm of brilliant butterflies that surround her to a radius of 20 feet. The swarm is centered on, and moves with the wearer, but has a maximum movement of 60 feet per round. If the wearer moves out of the swarm, it immediately dissipates. The butterfly swarm blocks vision as per obscuring mist. The butterfly swarm does not deal any damage to creatures within the swarm, but is distracting. Any creatures inside the swarm must succeed on a DC 15 Fortitude save or be sickened while they remain within the swarm. Spellcasters that attempt to cast a spell within the swarm must make a concentration check (DC 15 + double spell level) or lose the spell. The wearer of the mantle of butterflies can see through the swarm normally, and is not affected by its distracting effects. The swarm lasts up to 10 rounds, and may be dismissed by the wearer as a free action. The swarm is immune to weapon damage, but will dissipate if it takes 40 hp of damage from area-effect attacks. The butterflies are otherwise treated as a swarm of Diminutive creatures (see Swarm creature subtype). The wearer of a mantle of butterflies also receives a +2 luck bonus on all Fortitude saving throws against poison from insects.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, darkvision, insect plague, obscuring mist, resistance; Cost 6,000 gp

** spoiler omitted **...

I voted for this just because i like the image it produces in my head. I don't know if it is broken or hell or not but as a druid I WANT THIS CLOAK! :D

[Aoann]

Cathara wrote:

Mine was the Plague Cake;

Plague Cake

Yeah, I specifically couldn't vote for this because of the image it created. Eww. It was probably a lovely item if I could get past the fluff!

[Kiel Howell]

Glove of Face Filching

This was an item that I REALLY wanted to vote for it more than I did. I upvoted it quite often but...when it came up against the cream it lost.

Name is ok but it doesn't quite jib.

Intro description is fun and who doesn't love a toothy grinning glove?

Physically stealing the mouth AND using dirty trick? Awesome.

Again...cool duration stuff but you could have saved words by just saying the duration lasts as the dirty trick maneuver. Then you can point out the 1 minute duration because it's different.

And speaking with the voice :) Good and good.

+20 bluff I understand why...but you didn't need it. This actually is a detractor to the item's coolness.

And you accounted for no or multiple mouths.

Overall, I really liked this item and it was weird and quirky and fun. You keep working on it and I'm sure we will see you up in the Top 32.

[Aoann]

Jaragil wrote:

Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser

I liked your item but my exact comment when I read the title was "dear lord, why does this make me think of a bikini wax for a dwarf?"

[Monica Marlowe]

Riftwalker wrote:

P.E.A.C.H.:

[redacted]

I'm interested in feedback from anyone that didn't obviously refer to this item in the Voter's Incessant Ramble thread in a disparaging way that only shows you didn't actually read the item. You know who you are. (End rant)

Riftwalker, you ask at the beginning of this critique that we "Please Evaluate and Critique Honestly", then you demand that anyone who may have said something that you perceived to be about your item to essentially "eff off". You use some pretty harsh and angry words here.

It is very hard to hear the off the cuff and unfiltered comments of your peers, but that is exactly what we are, your peers. No one on that thread has "made it" as a game designer, we're all hopefuls working for our opportunity to catch the eye of a publisher who is willing to give us the chance to make our mark on the gaming community.

No one meant those words as personal attacks against you. Until now, we didn't even know who you were.

The only person I know of who didn't work their butt off making a Wondrous Item is Chris Schaeffer and he's already ridden in this rodeo twice before, but he didn't make it this year. (And he may have worked his butt off for all I know, but he did wait until the last possible minute to get started).

We're here to have a good time, to hone our craft and to help one another be better than what we were when we started. I am sorry you are upset. But lashing out at the community is only going to leave you sitting in front of your computer wondering why no one critiqued your item and in the end you'll walk away having nothing more to show for your attempt than what you started with.

I did not find your item easy to follow. I'm not sure if it's because I do not understand the your choice of language, which really bogs down with the whole cohort, follower, shadow-follower, shadow-cohort, I felt like I needed a score card to know who was who; the shadow creature template; the mythic options; or just the vast amount of very specific rule sets you were tapping into here all in one 300 word item. I could not vote for an item I could not understand even with multiple read-throughs.

Please take this weekend to go hang out with some friends. Walk away from the boards and regain your life. If you still want to grow and learn along with the rest of us, we will be here on Monday and throughout the contest. There's a lot to learn here at Paizo's Messageboards, please don't let your hurt feelings stand in your way of becoming a better game designer. You owe that to yourself.

[Allana Sliwinski]

:( Man, I really didn't think my item was that gross. I mean they're just rats. >.>

[Aoann]

Cathara wrote:

:( Man, I really didn't think my item was that gross. I mean they're just rats. >.>

:) Here is how you should look at this... Man, I really know how to describe things well in 300 words or less!

[Harker Wade]

Thank you for any feedback...

Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 24,300 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This tattered and stained cloak looks more like a pile of rags then a garment. The wearer may activate the cloak which emanates a disease that causes all living creatures (except the wearer) in a 15-foot-radius spread to become nauseated (Fort DC 17) for 10 minutes. Any hostile action against a nauseated creature allows them a second save (Fort DC 15) to lessen their condition to sickened for the remainder of the duration.
While activated the wearer can choose one nauseated target per round to designate as a carrier. If the carrier fails a second save (Fort DC 17) then the carrier becomes virulent and can spread a weaker strain (Fort DC 15) to any uninfected living creature in 10-foot-radius. Those that make the first save are not susceptible to the carrier.
The cloak can be activated twice a day. Each activation lasts for five rounds. The wearer may choose to deactivate the cloak earlier as a standard action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contagion, ghoul touch; Cost 12,150 gp

[Allana Sliwinski]

Aoann wrote:

Cathara wrote:

:( Man, I really didn't think my item was that gross. I mean they're just rats. >.>

:) Here is how you should look at this... Man, I really know how to describe things well in 300 words or less!

Suppose so :)

[Kaartus]

Aoann wrote:

Cathara wrote:

:( Man, I really didn't think my item was that gross. I mean they're just rats. >.>

:) Here is how you should look at this... Man, I really know how to describe things well in 300 words or less!

This isn't constructive criticism. Constructive, helpful criticism works as follows:

Your item struck me as icky, because the idea of a mouldy rotting magical biscuit that smells so bad that even the rats it attracts/generates won't eat it turns my nose.

However I think the concept is cool, the idea of a reverse mouse-trap one that attracts and creates vermin is nifty and I can see how it could be used.

Personally, I like the item because it sets up things, need to ruin a business or naval voyage, maybe want to undermine a town or settlement - this tool is the surreptitious method of doing so.

[Kaartus]

Harker Wade wrote:

Thank you for any feedback...

Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 24,300 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This tattered and stained cloak looks more like a pile of rags then a garment. The wearer may activate the cloak which emanates a disease that causes all living creatures (except the wearer) in a 15-foot-radius spread to become nauseated (Fort DC 17) for 10 minutes. Any hostile action against a nauseated creature allows them a second save (Fort DC 15) to lessen their condition to sickened for the remainder of the duration.
While activated the wearer can choose one nauseated target per round to designate as a carrier. If the carrier fails a second save (Fort DC 17) then the carrier becomes virulent and can spread a weaker strain (Fort DC 15) to any uninfected living creature in 10-foot-radius. Those that make the first save are not susceptible to the carrier.
The cloak can be activated twice a day. Each activation lasts for five rounds. The wearer may choose to deactivate the cloak earlier as a standard action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, contagion, ghoul touch; Cost 12,150 gp

In my mind the concept is neat, I couldn't see many PCs wearing the item (just because the effect affects all living creatures) but I could absolutely see a villain or minor antagonist doing so. Especially a necromancer.

My one other quibble is the name, Pestilent makes sense but there is nothing to suggest in the write up of the powers that would make me associate illegal intrusion upon the property of another. No break and enter, nor movement or a nefarious sense. I would suggest something like "Cloak of Pestilence" or "Begger's Garments".

Just my two cents.

[Sir William]

MrCab wrote:

Sir William wrote:

MrCab wrote:

Sir William wrote:

Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress

Aura strong transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 90,000 gp; Weight 200 lbs.
Description
...

Didn't like this item since it breaks game balance. I see this item leading to wizards and other lightly armored characters figuring out how to carry the mannequin around with them in a...

This was my biggest concern when putting the item together. Certainly something I attempted to avoid. Was there a specific way that you can see that happening?

The item never lists a weight or says that it must remain in place. So there are a few things a groups of adventurers might try. Hiring some people to carry it around for them is one idea. Putting it in the back of a wagon would also work to transport it without using magic. One mile is a pretty big radius, and without saying stone and the like blocks it, a group could just leave it outside the cave they're about to explore and it would likely work while they were inside it. Even if the group did need to travel across the planes, they could just remove the armor from the form before traveling, and immediately re-atune to it.

Now, if I can put the rules technicality hat aside for a second, I'm guessing what you're going for here is some sort of lord or captain at a castle or fort putting their armor and the form in the back room, so they can go about their business wearing normal clothes and still be defended from attacks. Maybe the king has armor of greater fortification in the back so now he can't be sneak attacked. It's not a bad idea, still maybe a little OP, but it needs something to actually lock the form to a given location. Making it so the form had to tune itself to a location for an extended period of time before functioning in that location would help GMs avoid conversations with players trying to figure out how to transport the Form around so they can keep its bonuses...

Thanks for the extra input! It is helpful (this is my first year entering an item) and I appreciate the time it takes.

The concept I was going for was pretty close to what you mention. I was thinking an item for security for Kings and Queens (or just their guests) who must attend events dressed in cloths rather than armor. You're definitely right about the technical problem area. The only "hey but" I can claim is that you mentioned there was no weight, but there is a weight listed. I went with a heavy weight to negate that issue some. I wanted to make it to dangerous to chance that the armor might fall off or be stolen. That doesn't negate the advice though. It would have been more simple, as you said, to more directly limit/stop movement.

[Kaartus]

Jaragil wrote:

Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser

Aura strong varied; CL 6th (type I), 9th (type II), 12th (type III), 15th (type IV), 18th (type V)
Slot —; Price 8,000 gp (type I), 15,000 gp (type II), 21,000 gp (type III), 27,000 gp (type IV), 33,000 gp (type V); Weight —
Description
Filled with runes, these thin strips are usually made of leather or bone and fit neatly against the blade or hilt of a weapon.
Each lesser runestrip of enchanting contains a single +1 weapon special ability, such as flaming or bane. Affixing the strip to a weapon is a full-round action, after which the strip requires 10 minutes to attune itself to the magical energies of the weapon, giving it the contained special ability. Removing the strip is a move action.
Each strip can only be placed on a weapon with a certain highest modified bonus (enhancement bonus plus special ability bonus equivalents, including those from character abilities and spells), depending on the type of the strip (type I strip to a +1 weapon, type II to a +2 weapon, and so on).
A strip can only be placed on a weapon if that weapon could gain that weapon special ability through magic item creation. For example, keen runestrip of enchanting can only be placed on a piercing or slashing weapon. Placing such a strip to a bludgeoning weapon will have no effect. Likewise, the strip would have no effect on a non-magical weapon. Runestrip’s special ability counts towards the weapon’s modified bonus.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, the requirements of the special ability contained within the strip
Cost 4,000 gp (type I), 7,500 gp (type II), 10,500 gp (type III), 13,500 gp (type IV), 16,500 gp (type V)

The only reason I never upvoted this item was because it immediately made me think of the Diablo video game franchise. Mostly Diablo II. I like the idea of having swappable weapon powers - it's a neat concept.

But I think much like the various other submitted items that allowed you to either transfer weapon powers between weapons, or even reforge weapon powers that it felt a bit too much like there isn't enough effort for the pay off. Sure pricing, but one of the hallmarks of D&D is having the right tool for the job but working to get that tool.

A fighter who finds another sword of Frost when he has one of Flaming might sell it, but then rapidly find that he needs that Frost sword to defeat the Red Dragon he just ran across. It becomes the dilemma of whether to horde or sell for the quick pay off.

If you have hot-swappable tags - even ones that take 10 mins it feels like you would just collect or make a variety of those tags so that your fighter, rogue, etc always has the right weapon for the job instead of forcing them to work within their limits.

I don't know, that might just be my quibble. I think the name works, and the concept is alright. If I had to change something maybe it would be the attuning time to an hour or half a day or somesuch. Make the opportunity cost bigger.

[Kaartus]

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

(Sorry, guys, I don't have time to review everyone's items this year -- maybe I'll get to it after the competition? -- but wanted to pop in when I could.)

Garrick, I assume no one will care if you post your second item, but you may also want to save it as a possible contender for next year (or for Wayfinder or whatever).

Kaartus wrote:

I submitted the following item, i'm hoping that some of you - hopefully some judges as well could give me some feedback on how to improve for next year.

Akene Amulet
Aura Faint Transmutation; CL 4th
Slot Amulet; Price 2,000gp; Weight -
Description
This rounded amulet is covered in dandelion down and strung from a vine cord. Blowing upon the amulet releases the thousands of feathery seeds in a 30ft cone. As the seeds settle upon soil false footprints and tracks form, as the fake trails spread the seeds rapidly mature into a field of flowering dandelions containing the scent of the amulet's owner.

Up to 4 other people may blow upon the amulet before activation in which case the field of flowers contains the scent of those individuals as well and the tracks mirror those that would be left by the characters. Those involved with the activation lose their scent and create no tracks (as per the pass without trace spell) for the next 8 hours. This function works 1/day. The field spreads the misleading scent as the original targets would, though picked flowers lose their magical property but the effect is not negated unless more than half the field is destroyed. Upon the end of the duration the field of dandelion become mundane plants but the tracks remain, decaying as normal.
Construction Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, pass without trace; Cost 1,000gp

I'm thrilled you posted, Kaartus, since I loved your item. I think it was actually my favorite of the whole contest after my own. I'm pretty sure I looked for it in the Top 32 right after looking for my own.

I...

Hey cheers Jacob and Garrick for the feedback, I appreciate the input. I have to say I was a bit worried about things like radius of the tracks and whatnot, I should have been more specific, and the only reason I chose to label the effect as a cone was because I thought it would fit with the idea of blowing hard on the fluffy amulet itself.

I also envisioned the item to be one in which PCs might try to set up an ambush by lurking near their false tracks and scent to waylay pursuers or ensure that they had indeed escaped.

As for the template issues, I was sweating that actually. I double, and triple checked before submitting but things got past me and every time I saw my item to vote on it I grimaced and hoped the editing would screw me. I'm still honoured to be in the Top 100 though.

I will consult an English major I know next time and go for a most active voice in my writing style rather than the passive.

Cheers again both of you for the great feedback :).

[Nickolas Floyd]

Pamela Elizabeth wrote:

Spellsnaring Canvas

This another one that I critiqued in private messages before the top 32 were announced. Here is what I said:

Quote:

This is an interesting item. It could have gone too far in having it protect you from the spell, but it didn’t. I can’t see any big problems with it. I think it might have been better served as a cape as you shouldn’t be able to carry something in your pack that gives you a skill bonus. This is a solid entry that might be superstar.

I like it. I like it a lot. There might be some things that I would do differently, but it is good. Yeah, maybe it shouldn't have such a lower caster level, but I think the price is about right. I still think should have been a cape, but that's not huge. You made the top 100, so you know you did something right. Keep up the good work and you might find yourself in the top 32. Good job.

[Aoann]

Kaartus wrote:

Aoann wrote:

Cathara wrote:

:( Man, I really didn't think my item was that gross. I mean they're just rats. >.>

:) Here is how you should look at this... Man, I really know how to describe things well in 300 words or less!

This isn't constructive criticism.

That is because it wasn't criticism. It was my opinion. I went purely off how the item made me feel and what it made me see.

[Steven Helt]

ImmortalGlitch wrote:

Crown of the Murder King

I gotta tell you, I love this crown. Cinematically one of the coolest items I have ever seen and yoinked for future NPCs or PCs.

Now as feedback goes, you've got the mojo and cinema part down. I'm sorry you didn't make the top 32 because I would love to see your take on monsters and locations. So...stay in the contest, learn all you can and come back next year!

As regards things that might have cost you votes, your prose needs work. The first sentence isn't really even a complete sentence. It's easy to skip over the word "is" and think you have given a less than complete description.

A similar damaged sentence is the start of the last paragraph. Since entropic shield has nothing to do with crows, you need to tighten that mechanical language a bit, and make sure the crown offers a defined deflection bonus to AC.

You should replace the elemental aura with the distraction universal monster rule. After that the item becomes very Swiss-army-knife, another classic problem.

The flaws certainly kept you from realizing the crown's potential, but your mojo is unquestioned. Keep coming back for more.

[ImmortalGlitch]

Big "thank you"s to mrcab and Steven who have given me feedback so far.

I can see those weaknesses now and will definitely implement them in the future.

Steven, if you're willing I wrote a critter for the second stage of the contest and had it all but finalized, I'd love to pm you with it.

[speed66]

Pretty sure my item was skipped for criticism. Anyone care to give it a go? I would appreciate it.

Dragon Skin Cloak
Aura strong abjuration; CL 13th
Slotshoulders; Price 120,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This mithral cloak is forged to appear as the scales of a dragon polished to a brilliant shine and is held together by interwoven copper wire.

Anytime the cloak encounters an energy spell or spell-like ability the wearer can activate the cloak to make a reflex save to capture the energy of the attack. If the reflex save is passed then the energy is captured on the cloak and is seen running continuously across the cloak. The wearer may then absorb the energy, scatter it, or condense it into a projectile. The cloak has ten daily uses.

Absorbing the energy stored in the cloak gives the wearer immunity to the energy for ten rounds or until another energy is captured on the cloak. This immunity also grants vulnerabilities associated with immunity from the chosen energy. Furthermore the energy that the wearer is vulnerable to cannot be captured while being immune to the opposing energy.

Scattering the energy allows the wearer to either spread the captured energy into a nova which has a 20-ft radius or use it as a breath weapon that has a 30-ft cone. The damage for this attack is D6 per level of the spell and allows a save equal to the spell level plus the Charisma modifier of the wearer.

Condensing the energy allows the wearer to reflect the spell by targeting a square and releasing it as a projectile. The spell retains the properties as before but is a targeting spell. Area damaging spells can be condensed into a projectile and deal the same damage as the original to the target.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, spell turning, resist energy; Cost 60,000 gp

[Kiel Howell]

Please don't repost. I for one am working through them as they were chronologically posted and it makes it confusing. I know we are all itching to get feedback but please be patient.

[Nickolas Floyd]

IcedMik wrote:

Guillotine Torc

I thought this item was cool and creative, with a creepy visual. I forgive the torc, thing because the fact that there were a number of torcs this year is irrelevant to whether an individual one is cool.

I really like the design space that lets you cast spells from a square other than your own (as my Band of the Undying Bond does with your familiar) and this one gives you two options from where your spells come. This is powerful, so casting spells from the head might need a daily limit or something else to balance it (like it can only cast spells that have only verbal components).
So as written it takes you a standard action to detach the head and then another standard action to move it 60 feet. It is weird that you move the head as a standard action. I'm wondering why you didn't just give the head a fly speed and maneuverability rating and leave it at that. You could make the speed 30 feet and allow the head to detach as a standard and then take a move action to move 30 feet. Also with the standard action to move the head, you have to assume the torc will be used in combat rounds, yet the time limit is listed in minutes. I think then you have to mention that it must be used in one minute increments (like a cloak of etherealness).
Another question I have that is not addressed, is do the body and head just share the character's hit points in one pool just as though they were not separated? I think this is the default assumption as it is written, but it seems a little counter intuitive, though splitting it opens a whole new can of worms.
And do they share spells? If the head is 100 feet away in another room and someone casts Shield Other on the body do the both benefit. It is assumed yes, but it might have used a mention that they share everything so there is no question during play.
One little thing is I would have liked it described as a double torc that split and had half remained with the body and half go with the head, but that's a little thing.
Anyway, I love the concept and could see tweaking it for use in my own games. Good job and good luck next year.

[Garrett Guillotte]

speed66 wrote:

Pretty sure my item was skipped for criticism.

GM_Solspiral critiqued it in his thread. You can use my critique tracker to check for reviews.

[UllarWarlord]

Mine was...too wordy. I had a giant superfluous part about restoring normal flowers back to life (really), and I didn't check the wordcount until after I submitted it...precisely 100 words over. Oof. Anyway, here it is!

Flowerpot of Joyous Revitalization
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This small, ceramic flowerpot has many cheery motifs on it; a smiling sun, a happy rain cloud, and many plants (also smiling) rising from the ground and spreading their petals.
Once a year, the flowerpot can bring sentient plants (a living creature with the plant type) back to life as well. This process is similar to that of a non-sentient plant - simply plant a piece of the plant creature in the pot, and over the course of a month, the plant creature recedes and returns to life at the end of the month. However, this process changes the creature as well; roll on the table below to determine what creature this plant becomes. A reincarnated creature recalls the majority of its former life and form. It retains any class abilities, feats, or skill ranks it formerly possessed. Its class, base attack bonus, base save bonuses, and hit points are unchanged. Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution scores depend partly on the new body. Simply apply the adjustments found below to its remaining ability scores. The subject of the spell gains two permanent negative levels when it is reincarnated.
d% Incarnation
01-13 Fungus Leshy
14-26 Myceloid
27-40 Leaf Leshy
41-57 Young Treant
58-74 Seaweed Leshy
75-89 Gourd Leshy
91-99 Mi-Go
100 Other (GM’s Choice)
Construction Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, plant growth, reincarnate; Cost 7,500 gp

[James Casey]

DeathQuaker wrote:

Here's mine. This may not be the final, final form as I may have done some last few edits in the submission field.

---------------
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 12th
Slot body; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A sturdy wool greatcoat with capacious pockets, the coat of the eternal vagabond protects its wearer as the endure elements spell. This abjuration is included as a precaution in light of the coat’s other property: once per day, by tugging upon the coat’s lapels, the wearer and all her gear teleports to a random location within 200 miles.

To determine where the wearer arrives, the GM rolls a d100 twice, adding the results together. This indicates how many miles the wearer has traveled. The GM then rolls 1d8 to determine the cardinal direction (1 is north, 2 northeast, 3 east, and so on).

The wearer always arrives outdoors on a patch of unoccupied, solid ground nearest to the rolled result. The coat never takes any one wearer to exactly the same place; the wearer can find herself no less than one mile from where she has already traveled via the coat. If any of these restrictions prevent the wearer’s arrival, the GM rerolls the location.

Up to four creatures of Medium size can join the wearer by grasping the coat before she activates it (Large creatures count as two Medium creatures and two Small creatures count as one Medium. Huge or bigger creatures cannot be transported). Unwilling or unwary creatures touching the coat when it is activated remain where they are. No one can activate the coat except the wearer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, teleport; Cost 12,000 gp
-------------------------------------

Self-critique and musings: ** spoiler omitted **...

Deathquaker I LOVED!!!! item. It was one of the first ones I saw and I upvoted it almost everytime I saw it. I thought it was very cool and unique. I know a lot of people probably didn't vote for it because it causes headaches and nore work for the GM but I really loved the flavor and concept.

[Nickolas Floyd]

Acre wrote:

Jar of Imprisoned Echoes

I never saw this one in the voting. It is interesting, but is not something I would be excited to find in a treasure hoard. It has a little too much description for a magic item, but the descriptions are evocative. It allows you to steal someone's voice, but they have to be dead or helpless. Any time you have to hold someone down to use an item on them, it just rubs me the wrong way. Of course, if the character you want to target is not interested in facing you in a fair fight, murder is the other option. I just don't think items that need to be used in this way are good for the game. Great in a novel or a movie, but not in a game.

As you point out it is a spell in a can (or two spells), but there is some mojo that makes it somewhat more than that. Like the fact that it is a spell combo, and that it is consumable to make it last for days. Overall, it is a few steps away from superstar in my opinion. There is a spark here and I wish you luck in coming up with a superstar idea next year.

[Rasputin17]

Hey man, thanks for the critique. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I submitted it pretty early and then regretted it every second. I really thought about changing the stupid name and some of the mechanics for usage. Anyway, here's a counter-reivew. Keep in mind, I've never done this before, so please bear with me.

Nazard wrote:

One of the only-works-when-you're-dead crowd, I'm afraid. I hoped the Gorum flavour would strike a chord, but obviously no-go.

Reanimating Battle Bones

First off, I think the flavor and style of the item is cool, really cool. I like the look and the feel of the item. The original idea is something, with a lot of tweaking, I'd love to give a villain or, in a higher level game, a bunch of baddies.

Trouble is, I don't think any PC I've ever worked with would be allowed or would ever want to use it. At low level play, it's a very easy way to get a free resurrection barring negative levels. I wouldn't allow that as a GM. At levels where a Skeletal Champion becomes a pushover, this item ceases to be useable. It's a shame really, because you've got a real knack for making me like the item on the surface with your writing.

Like I said, with a lot of tweaking, this could be some awesome items to give enemies in my game. It's really flavorful and cool in that way. My guess is your core concept was really the thing wrong in the beginning. Like others have said, an item that functions only when you die doesn't appeal much to the voters or the judges. Otherwise though, I like your description and would like to see more from you.

[Murray K Dahm]

Here's mine - this is not the final wording as I did make that rookie mistake (but then I am a rookie and this was my first time entering) of changing the wording at the last second - but as you can see this has the word 'reach', a connonical word in Pathfinder, but not used here in that sense so I changed it - if anyone happened to copy the final version - you could advise what I changed it to (yikes!) I think an earlier draft made a different use of maximize too! I look forward to your comments.

Robe of Resonance
Aura moderate evocation (sonic); CL 10th
Slot body; Price 72,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.
Description
This robe of closely-woven fine red wool, lined with a series of exotic wood panels and other materials decorated with sigils of musical notation, bestows upon the wearer an enhancement to spells and abilities which have an audible effect and which the target is required to hear. When such a spell or ability with an audible effect is begun, the robe billows out as an immediate action and forms a resonating chamber around the wearer to increase the spell or ability’s reach. While wearing the robe of resonance the range of spells and abilities with an audible effect is doubled. Any other prerequisites of the spell or ability must still be met. Spells which require a verbal component but do not require the target to hear them or the effect (such as power word spells) are not enhanced by the robe.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shout; Cost 36,000 gp.

[MrCab]

verdigris wrote:

Thank you in advance for any feedback.

Sandstone Sirocco
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 7,200 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Quartz striations of russet, amber, and gold lace this vaguely humanoid shaped, coarse grained stone figure. Throughout the day, the figure erodes and rebuilds, taking a slightly different pose each time. Once per day when blown upon by the wielder, the figure disintegrates into a swirl of wind and sand, creating a small, sand-filled cyclone cloud. It remains in this shape for one minute before spinning back to reform in the wielder’s hand. If the owner moves more than 50 feet from the sandstone sirocco, it reverts back to a stone figurine.

The cloud scours any unoccupied surface it contacts of mundane writing, footprints, or litter. It may also scour away magical writing effects with a successful caster level check against DC 15. This takes one round for each five foot square surface. The wielder may, as a move action, command the cloud to a new square within 30 feet of its previous position.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, erase; Cost 3,600 gp

The initial flavor is pretty neat. Having a statue that swirls around and changes shape would be awesome to hold! In the end though, the game mechanics come in, and this appears to be just an item of "erase". It's not bad writing by any stretch, and I like the description, it just needs more umph! Where as some items did too much, I think this one did too little.

[Kaartus]

Murray K Dahm wrote:

Here's mine - this is not the final wording as I did make that rookie mistake (but then I am a rookie and this was my first time entering) of changing the wording at the last second - but as you can see this has the word 'reach', a connonical word in Pathfinder, but not used here in that sense so I changed it - if anyone happened to copy the final version - you could advise what I changed it to (yikes!) I think an earlier draft made a different use of maximize too! I look forward to your comments.

Robe of Resonance
Aura moderate evocation (sonic); CL 10th
Slot body; Price 72,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.
Description
This robe of closely-woven fine red wool, lined with a series of exotic wood panels and other materials decorated with sigils of musical notation, bestows upon the wearer an enhancement to spells and abilities which have an audible effect and which the target is required to hear. When such a spell or ability with an audible effect is begun, the robe billows out as an immediate action and forms a resonating chamber around the wearer to increase the spell or ability’s reach. While wearing the robe of resonance the range of spells and abilities with an audible effect is doubled. Any other prerequisites of the spell or ability must still be met. Spells which require a verbal component but do not require the target to hear them or the effect (such as power word spells) are not enhanced by the robe.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shout; Cost 36,000 gp.

I loved this item. I don't know why it didn't get through. I was thinking of making something similar for bards as they don't have much to buff their spells. Plus the description rocked.

I'd love to know why this item didn't make the cut. Maybe it was formatting?

[Grumpus]

I don't feel qualified to critique, but I wanted to call out a few items that I loved and upvoted everytime!
My 3 favorites were:
Tricksters calling card
Jesters Drinking Buddy
Cloak of the pestilent trespasser

They all invoked great visuals in my imagination, which is what I tried to achieve with my item.

[MrCab]

Amy Gillespie wrote:

Total Spell-In-A-Can, I know. And the last +5 to stealth ... I don't know what I was thinking. Foolish, that.

However, what I want to know is what I could have (if anything) done to tighten this up, and make it interesting and printable.

Kana'ti Fetish
Aura Moderate Transmutation CL 7th
Slot Neck; Price 15150 gp; Weight --
Made of interwoven twigs, leaves, feathers and rough twine, this amulet-like fetish is fastened with a cord of braided horse hair. Originating among the kana'ti – warriors and hunters – of the Shoanti to aid in their life among the steppes, plains and mountains of Varisia, other groups have started crafting their own such fetishes to aid in hunting or long wilderness journeys.

The wearer of the Kana'ti Fetish must spend 10 minutes to ritually braid the horse-hair chord before the fetish can activate. Once a creature has spent the time to braid the chord, they can remove and replace the fetish as many times as they like – however, one must wear the Kana'ti Fetish to gain use of its magical abilities. Another wearer must complete the braiding ritual before the fetish will grant any benefits. Only one creature may make use of the fetish at a time.

The Fetish grants its wearer a +10 enhancement to their base land speed. In addition, the wearer is able to cast 'Darkvision' once a day. Finally, the Kana'ti Fetish provides the wearer with a +5 competence bonus to Stealth.

Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, longstrider, darkvision; Cost 7575 gp

The flavor is good, you put a lot into the description of the braiding. Which leaves for a bit of a let down when we get to the actual effects at the end. It's mechanically sound, just...underwhelming. At the end of the day, it'sa neck item of cast Darkvision, +10 speed, and +5 stealth that gives you a braid. Needs more umph and less of a list of effects.

[MrCab]

To take a bit of a tangeant...is there anyone around critiquing critiques? I can wander this thread all day and attempt to give advice, but in the end I don't think many of the items I liked made the top groups. I don't want to end up digging people into a hole for next year.

[Papasteve08]

Grumpus wrote:

I don't feel qualified to critique, but I wanted to call out a few items that I loved and upvoted everytime!

My 3 favorites were:
Tricksters calling card
Jesters Drinking Buddy
Cloak of the pestilent trespasser

They all invoked great visuals in my imagination, which is what I tried to achieve with my item.

The Jester's Drinking Buddy was my item! Thanks and I am glad you liked it!

[Nickolas Floyd]

Daethor wrote:

Here's mine, I'm proud of the name if nothing else. I also deeply regret the last ability as it seems so superfluous now, especially since I thought of a way to make it work better. I also think I should have made the activation of the solid fog like ability a swift action. Any comments on this stuff or other aspects? Thanks everyone, I'm glad a thread like this exists :)

Cloak of Synthetic Infinity

A well done item. I do like the name quite a bit, and great theme. I agree that the last ability might have over done it, and the judges this year seemed to prefer fairly low power items. I do think your suggestion about activating the first ability as a swift action would be a bad idea. Check out the critiques of my Top 32 item from last year where some claimed it was overpowered because I had a free action activation and a laid down the effect in the spaces the user moved through, just like your item. Now, I was laying down a first level druid spell (that normally covers 172 squares in a single casting) in those six or twelve spaces. I don't think you want to do this same thing with a 4th level wizard spell (that normally covers only 44 spaces in a casting). Though I don't think my entangle effect was too powerful, I think I would consider solid fog to be too much for this sort of placement if it was started as a swift or free action.

Note that you don't have to call the middle ability a swift action as readying an action is a standard action no matter what action type you wish to ready. You should have just said "the wearer may ready an action to..." Well, I guess you do if you want to make sure this is the only swift action the person can take that round. This ability works against spells that use a ranged touch attack too, right? I'm not sure just by what it says. If so, why touch attack spells and not other single target spells? Just to balance this ability? That is not necessarily bad, but could use some explanation in the fluff text of the ability.

Anyway, I like the item ok and based on this, I think you have potential to show us a top 32 item in the next competition.

[Aaron Miller 335]

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Soulvine Seed

Quote:

If its housefly-sized shell is breached, an oblong bean in a translucent yolk slips out and disintegrates into the air with an ethereal sparkle, leaving behind the faint scent of woody hearthfire.

This part was just unnecessary and having it at the beginning turned me off the item.

Quote:

If an intact seed is licked by its owner and consumed by any creature

the licked thing was strange.

[Ramicus]

Legend Locket
Aura strong enchantment; CL 16th
Slot Neck; Price 94,200 gp; Weight -
Description
A legend locket is a mithral amulet etched with flowing lines and ancient script dangling from a fine chain. The locket confers a +4 insight bonus to Will saves vs. mind-affecting effects. Additionally, the locket can link itself to the wearer to record the wearer’s experiences, allowing him to store 10 five-minute “event” memories sequentially. Finally, as a free action the linked wearer may make one “request” that is stored as a geas within the locket.
Recording a memory uses an immediate action. Should the locket be full, any new memory recorded will automatically purge the oldest memory stored. When a wearer dies wearing a legend locket, the wearer’s memory of their death is automatically recorded, purging the oldest memory stored if necessary.
A legend locket is rarely empty. When opened (not necessarily worn), the locket infuses the opener with stored memories, dazing him for 1 minute as he relives each memory in sequence and is targeted by the geas stored within (if defined). The wearer that defined the geas command need not be dead for the geas to take effect. Using the spell legend lore while opening a legend locket grants a saving throw against the geas (DC 19 Will negates), while using the spell vision negates the geas entirely.
Once opened, the locket is completely empty and the wearer’s link to the locket is broken. Only an empty locket will link itself to the next individual to wear it.
A link is required to record memories and define the geas. Each locket will link itself only once to anyone and the wearer may never retrieve his own memories by opening the locket.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, modify memory, geas; Cost 47,100 gp

This was reposted and I requested the first post deleted. I first posted a draft version of the item and not the actual submission. I didn't want everyone critiquing a draft! O_O

[John Henry Muhrer]

Cylinder of the Lights of the First World
Aura Evocation [light] and Transmutation [moderate]; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 2,400 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This is a cylindrical hardened leather quiver appearing of mundane make when empty. The quiver can hold 20 medium arrows. Placing arrows inside causes the inside to take on a faint green glow, along with the outlines of the embossed leaves shimmering slightly.
When arrows are placed within the quiver for at least 10 minutes the arrows take on special properties for a short period of time after being fired and coming to a stop. Upon coming to a stop the arrow gains a faerie fire like effect, glowing a faint green for 8 minutes. The arrows also gain a hardness of 23 and thus become nearly unshatterable when hitting a target. Only one full quiver (20 arrows) can be charged a day. Both of these properties increase the ease of recovering intact arrows following combat making the chance of recovery 95% for missed targets as long as the effect continues and reusable after hitting the target; among many other utilities. Any arrows removed from the quiver and not used will lose the said properties after 20 minutes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, faerie fire, make whole; Cost 1,200 gp

***I likely under priced this.***

[Nickolas Floyd]

David Higaki wrote:

Linebreaker’s Sabatons

This is one of the items I critiqued over PM when I was sent someone's favorite list with whole text. This is what I said at the time:

Quote:

I don’t really like wondrous items that have “charges.” It works for some items, but usually not for feet items (there are none in the SRD). Items that give feats are frowned upon in RPGSS and items that give monster abilities are also somewhat frowned upon (see SKR’s advice thread #21). This one is sort of both. That being said, it almost falls into advice #27, but I think this item should have not given a monster feat and would have been better served rewriting a similar ability as a new mechanic. Overall, I think that the idea here is cool and had potential. As it is, I don’t think it will make it, but I might be surprized by a advice #27 ruling as it does have some mojo.

Yeah, I'm still in this thinking. I know that for monsters we are told to use existing rules instead of writing new ones that do similar things, but a superstar item needs to be mostly new in my opinion and looking through the rules, finding something that characters don't have, and giving it to them is not quite superstar. This item might work in a book of magic items, as it did make the top 100, and I did recognize a spark in there. But it just wasn't enough to make it superstar this time. I don't have any advice to give you other than to avoid using feats at all in your designs for the competition. It was otherwise a solid entry.

[Pandora's]

Grumpus wrote:

I don't feel qualified to critique, but I wanted to call out a few items that I loved and upvoted everytime!

My 3 favorites were:
Tricksters calling card
Jesters Drinking Buddy
Cloak of the pestilent trespasser

They all invoked great visuals in my imagination, which is what I tried to achieve with my item.

Thanks, it really is good to hear that someone liked the Calling Card. I won't be submitting a similar item again, however, and I suggest others do the same. While I personally enjoy items that provide roleplaying opportunities and cause cinematic sequences, they are not popular with the community. It is a simple numbers game. I would expect to use only 3 of the top 32 items when not under initiative and they all solve a very specific problem PCs deal with rather than bestowing new abilities. If every class cannot use it in combat, don't bother.

[Scorba]

mamaursula wrote:

Scorba wrote:

Fierani Fletching Hoop

I loved your item, I voted for it every time I recall seeing it, I asked my GM if I could have one for my next PC. I cannot say that I have any criticisms of it, it says what it is and it does what it says. It's just not the flashiest thing in the pool. Keep trying :-)

I am getting feedback that it was a bit mundane ... I appreciate your critique and I am glad you liked it.

I really like simple items with little clutter.

[Nykidemus]

This was my submission - which I imagine threw people a bit by being extremely specific and fairly complex rules-wise. I'm curious what folks think.

Goggles of Dimensional Analysis
Aura Strong Divination and Conjuration; CL 13th
Slot Eyes; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description

Goggles of Dimensional Analysis are a set of multicolored lenses engraved with extraplanar runes and arranged on clockwork mechanisms reminiscent of an orrery which allow the wearer to detect and interact with tears in reality caused by magical teleportation.

A DC 20 perception check allows the wearer to see telltale ripples that indicate the origin of a teleportation effect. Add 5 to the DC for every day since the effect took place, and subtract 5 from the DC if the effect involved planar travel.

The wearer may then attempt a Spellcraft check to trace and reopen the dimensional tear. This requires 1d4 rounds and the user cannot take 10 on the check.

DC 25 Estimate the general direction and distance to the destination to within 1d10 miles of the target location.

DC 30 Determine the the exact plane and location of the teleport target. (Counts as "Viewed once" for determining Teleport familiarity).

DC 35 Force the rift open for 2d4 rounds. This functions similarly to the Gate spell, creating a 7 foot diameter portal anyone may pass through.

Interacting with the residual energies causes them to destabilize. Only one attempt may be made to trace or open any portal, and a portal can only be followed from its origin to the destination, not back.

Successfully opening a portal drains the device and it cannot be used to do so again for 24 hours, but the detection effect remains available.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Analyze Dweomer, Teleport, Plane Shift Cost 7,000 gp

[Daethor]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Daethor wrote:

Cloak of Synthetic Infinity

A well done item. I do like the name quite a bit, and great theme. I agree that the last ability might have over done it, and the judges this year seemed to prefer fairly low power items. I do think your suggestion about activating the first ability as a swift action would be a bad idea. Check out the critiques of my Top 32 item from last year where some claimed it was overpowered because I had a free action activation and a laid down the effect in the spaces the user moved through, just like your item. Now, I was laying down a first level druid spell (that normally covers 172 squares in a single casting) in those six or twelve spaces. I don't think you want to do this same thing with a 4th level wizard spell (that normally covers only 44 spaces in a casting). Though I don't think my entangle effect was too powerful, I think I would consider solid fog to be too much for this sort of placement if it was started as a swift or free action.

Note that you don't have to call the middle ability a swift action as readying an action is a standard action no matter what action type you wish to ready. You should have just said "the wearer may ready an action to..." Well, I guess you do if you want to make sure this is the only swift action the person can take that round. This ability works against spells that use a ranged touch attack too, right? I'm not sure just by what it says. If so, why touch attack spells and not other single target spells? Just to balance this ability? That is not necessarily bad, but could use some explanation in the fluff text of the ability.

Anyway, I like the item ok and based on this, I think you have potential to show us a top 32 item in the next competition.

Thanks for the feedback, Nickolas! I really appreciate it. You're right of course about the swift action thing. That would be a bit much.

Also, thanks for pointing out that all readied actions take a standard action. I totally overlooked that. Seems kind of strange to me, but working within the rules is super important of course.

The cloak is definitely intended to work against spells that use ranged touch attacks. The reasoning there (besides balance) is that the cloak's portal to the demiplane opens up and the attack physically goes into the demiplane and essentially gets lost in the vastness of it. For this to work, the attack has to have a physical component. A spell with a ranged touch attack like scorching ray has this, while a spell like...dominate person doesn't. At least that's how I read them. I definitely could have worked on it being a bit clearer though.

Thanks again! Also, I really like your item from last year. Very cool visuals. I also like your item from this year (I upvoted it more often than not) and I'll try to post my thoughts on it soon.