This is about sharing your stories of players who are usually nice guys and good players, but just get a major brain fart and do something that has the entire party either laughing or shaking their heads.
First player nominated as "dumbest guy ever" was our samurai. We got into a scuffle with some guys on the street (forgot the exact reason, but they were some major bad guys). Soon after, we see some Hellknights approoaching. Now despite the name, these guys were not evil. They were good extremists who would kill you for your offenses. These particular ones were hellknights of the nail. I'll let your imagination decide why the added part.
I hid before they got to us since I played a rogue who was often stealing things. Never caught on it, but several town had suspicions on him so I figured men and women of law wouldn't like me too much. I can't remember the reason, but our samurai started badmouthing them, eventually picking a fight with one of them. I tried to come out and drag him off, but he insisted fighting. We were around level 3 or 4 so he had no chance of winning and I think everyone realized that but him. We had even heard stories of how strong they were, even if we didn't read on their levels or anything. If DM had been crueler, the samurai would have died. Hard. However, their leader stopped the fight before he died and the samurai left with only low HP and shattered pride.
However, the second player , a wizard, did several stupid things (cast lighting bolt at enemy while 2 of our party were in between him and the enemy, throwing a fireball into a room with people being held as test subjects in it) but this one took the "dumbest thing to do ever" prize and is still something we laugh at over a year later.
We were clearing the laboratory of a guy responsible for releasing some really big monster we never got a name for. Our job was to take him out and get any info on the monter we could. Earlier we had seen some trapdoor on the floor that lead down to darkness. We heard some disturbing noises from down there so we decided "yea, we're not going down there". Later after killing the guy we were looking for, our mage went over to a door with a barred hole in it. Inside we saw some monster none of us could recognize with our skill checks, but we knew it wasn't the monster we were looking for. This was also directly below the hole we saw earlier. The door was heavy steel so there was no way for it to get to us and we didn't see any reason to go fight it ourselves, so we decided to just report it to our employee and let him deal with it.
This is where our wizard gets a brilliant idea. He goes in and says "I poke it with a stick through the door". Well, the monster, surpise surprise, doesn't like it and attacks him through the door since he got close to the door. Since it's a wizard with no AC to speak of, he gets hit. This is where things get fun. DM tells him to roll a fort save, which he fails. Turns out what was in there was a chaost beast.
http://paizo.com/PRD/additionalMonsters/chaosBeast.html
He's instantly turned into basically a pile of goop. We knock him out to save him from further will saves (figuring "mental shock" won't work if he's unconscious) and quickly carry him to be healed before hsi case get's worse. OF course all the healing is taken out of his share of loot.
To this day, "go poke it with a stick" is a running joke in our group.
Party just got out of a bloody fight with Nagas in a dungeon room. Back in the hallway, still heavily breathing, the Ranger's player declares: "I'm doing the seagull's call."
"Are you really going to do that?"
"Yes."
The dungeon was infested with Driders. Shortly after, while the party was resting inside the dungeon, a near TPK happened.
I had to use an NPC as a deus ex-machina by turning him into an instantaneous superhero to save what I could of them. Jokes on me, despite my efforts to save the other innocent PCs, the only ones to survive were the Ranger itself and another who would no less deserve death.
Scene: Half-orc, Human and Halfling walk into the tent of a fortune teller, to ask him for information.
Fortune teller asks for payment before he starts his services, an exorbitant amount but nothing they couldn't afford. Halfling takes exsception to being charged at all, and tries to intimidate...... not diplomacy, or bluff but intimidate. One incredible natural 1 later, and the party is beset by the Fortune tellers hired guards (it's a rough part of the neighbourhood) and are promptly beaten within an inch of there lives and turfed naked into the streets.
All because the Halfling ninja felt like trying to be big and important, and didn't let the Half-orc barbarian do the intimidation.
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Players adventuring into a forest and then into a "dungeon" made of spider's web.
After a couple of minor encounters with spiders, easily dispatched they run into the first serious fight. That's when the Wizard decides to bring in the big guns.
Scorching Ray on a spider *roll* natural 1. (that was a 3.5 game)
Now as any who have ever lived in countryside will know, spiderweb is EXTREMELY flammable. I gave them 1 turn before everything turned into inferno and the second wizard fortunately had a teleport left.
Upon seeing me throwing away 5 pages of dungeon and the whole forest burn uncontrolled for 3 days, the pyromaniac wizard took the Energy Substitution feat and has never casted a fire spell again.
- The group had met up with a caravan traveling to Sandpoint. Silias Gribb was transporting "pilgrims" to Sandpoint, and any time the party tried to talk to the "pilgrims" they would shy away and huddle together.
- The Cleric (Desna) kept pestering the pilgrims to the point of aggravation. "Master Gribb" confronts the Cleric, surrounded and backed by his men. I made a point to tell the Cleric that there were a couple men missing from the group and he could not see them anywhere. The Cleric asks, "So, are you a slaver? We're opposed to slaving." A missed Perception and low initiative later, one crossbow bolt lodged from the Cleric's skull, the caravan moves on.
Homebrew setting and rules for a one off adventure.
The PCs can play any mortal race from any time period and I just DM ad hoc the rules to make weapons work.
Modern day L.A. police officer with a shotgun.
Traditional D&D elven archer
A massive armored warrior.
Mission retrieve and contain a powerful artifact orb that is basically an eclosed demiplane of pure evil.
Long story short after much hardship they reach the orb...police officer learns that it is trapped...he shoots the orb of total evil with a shotgun....despite DM description of incredible power and evil radiating from it...
melted faces ensued....world ended...bad day...fun times!
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Two stories:
First, running the 3.5 Return to Castle Ravenloft. The players went in the back door and down to the crypt. They are wandering around and find a coffin. So the dwarf says he's going to smash the coffin so that "when we kill the Baron, he won't have anywhere to go!" I verify that he does, indeed, want to do this. He says yes and drops his axe on the coffin lid.
And the great vampire of Ravenloft pops up out of his coffin and begins the fight by telling the previously-and-secretly dominated NPC party member to get stabby on the bard.
It was hilarious. Unfortunately, they also beat the vampire after only covering about a third of the castle and we never got to show off all the crazy crap in the upper levels.
Second, in a game of Vampire: The Masquerade my character and another guy have stealthy entered an enemy location and are peeking through some curtains watching a room of badguys. My fellow player giggles and tells the GM that his character just shoves my character into the room, surprising me and the enemies.
Never trust a Malkavian.
Party just got out of a bloody fight with Nagas in a dungeon room. Back in the hallway, still heavily breathing, the Ranger's player declares: "I'm doing the seagull's call."
"Are you really going to do that?"
"Yes."
"the seagull's call"??
The party takes a job from the Magistrate of a small city to retrieve and safely deliver a small locked box from a dwarven craftsman in the mountains. En route the party kills two birds with one stone and wipes out the local bandit tribe.
On the way home an imp offers the rogue a infernal pact awarding the murder prerequisite for the assassin class in exchange for the lockbox. The rogue accepts and gives away the box.
The party returns to the magistrates city, sells loot and drops off gear to get enchanted (1 day / 1000 gold, plus waiting time as the enchanter is finishing up a different project). The party goes to collect the bandit bounty, Watch Sergeant explains that for that large sum they will have to see the Captain, he can't access it, "come back tomorrow, I'll let the Captain know so everything is ready". The party avoids the magistrate.
The next day the Captain explains that the magistrate refused to sign off on the bounty "Me and the boys are really grateful for what you guys did there, but my hands are tied, something about unfinished contracts." The party avoids the magistrate.
Day three the magistrate's wizard comes to the party, in town, in a tavern, and askes the party in very diplomatic terms, were is my bosses lock box, they deflect the question and stall? The rogue gets his dagger back from the enchanter, the shield fighters shield is still being upgraded. The party avoids the magistrate.
Day four they notice they are being shadowed, and decide to MEET WITH THE MAGISTRATE IN HIS MANOR! Magistrate meets them with his key staff (Him a Bard + Rogue, Ranger, Wizard), Magistrate asks were his box is, they deflect the question, Magistrate asks were his box is, they deflect the question, Magistrate orders the doors bared, they draw weapons, the shield fighter has no shield.
Almost a TPK but the group rogue jumped out a 3rd floor window and hid in an alley when his last ally went down.
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"the seagull's call"??
Yes.
In truth he referred to a specific kind of seagull, but I don't know its english name.The only better way I'm able to word it in english is: "Kwe-eh! Kwe-eh! Kwe-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh!" as he exactly (well, not really) performed it.
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The Player In Question: This one guy, Jimmy, has a history of doing things to set his character above/apart from the rest to the point that he will try to do something idiotic if he isn't talked down. He also has a history of not knowing the rules for his spells/abilities/feats.
Long Story Short: The PCs awaken in the middle of the night to find their inn in flames. Members of a secret cult set fire to the town, killing everyone in tribute to their goddess on their way to steal the PC's special artifacts.
What Happened: The martial characters were engaging the cultists in the streets while the casters tried to support from the sidelines or focus on putting out fires. It was only going pretty smoothly for them until the two BBEG's entered the scene, the high priestess and her hulking barbarian lieutenant.
Jimmy is playing an Ifrit Gunslinger/Fighter. He sees the hulking cultist and the two lock eyes. They are roughly 30ft apart. It's pretty apparent that the hulking cultists is going to charge him on his next turn, but Jimmy gets to act first.
"I'm going to use my Enlarge Person on him and go for a called shot to his nads."
Ignoring, for a moment, the fact that casting Enlarge Person takes a full round... Jimmy was going to essentially increase the enemy's damage potential and reach just so he can make his difficult trick shot slightly easier to pull off..
Needless to say, his allies talked him down. There's no doubt in my mind that if he had done that and missed, he would have been killed in 2 turns.
"the seagull's call"??Yes.
In truth he referred to a specific kind of seagull, but I don't know its english name.
The only better way I'm able to word it in english is: "Kwe-eh! Kwe-eh! Kwe-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh!" as he exactly (well, not really) performed it.
Ok, but why does that attract driders?
Second, in a game of Vampire: The Masquerade my character and another guy have stealthy entered an enemy location and are peeking through some curtains watching a room of badguys. My fellow player giggles and tells the GM that his character just shoves my character into the room, surprising me and the enemies.
Never trust a Malkavian.
The moral I'd take away from that one is more "Never trust someone who thinks playing a Malkavian means immediate justification for screwing the party." We have a long standing rule that if you play a Malkavian, and start developing Fishmalk tendencies, you aren't allowed to play one for a certain amount of time. Keep doing it, and it becomes a long term thing.
That said, sometimes it depends on the game. We've had some games where inter party conflict is encouraged. One of our New WoD games included a promethean player going nuts and attacking the party because we questioned his motives one too many times.
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Oh so many over the years, but one player in particular during a long campaign...
The scene: The valiant paladin and the Cleric are in an old ruined temple, surrounded by skeletons, zombies and ghouls, all closing in on them... the Cleric has used all of his turn undead abilities for the day and the pair thought their end was near... only the paladin remembered he had acquired a ring of 3 wishes and held his hand aloft, looking towards the heavens he touched the ring with his thumb and said... "I wish they were all dead". Like a whisper from the universe some unseen force responded, "Granted"... and the zombies, skeletons and ghouls continued to advance.
The scene: The party is creeping through narrow mountain tunnels, only able to advance single file, trying to find a way into the blue dragon's lair. Said paladin is in possession of a weapon called the "Sword of the Dales", which has a special property of being able to reflect lightning back at it's caster. A wonderful weapon to have when hunting a blue dragon. The paladin decides to take up the rear to protect the party from ambush. The invisible dragon waits at the end of one of the tunnels and exhales her lightning breath down the corridor, through the party all in single file to the paladin... where it reflects off of the sword and returns to the dragon... through the party, all in single file. Looking down the tunnel said paladin says, "Uh, I should have gone first, huh?"
The scene: After the near party destruction from the breath weapon attack, the group teleports out into the open cavern in hopes of avoiding future mishaps... in their wounded state the battle goes poorly and the valiant paladin is rendered unconscious, but is rescued by the quick thinking magic user who teleports them into another cavern... only the Sword is left behind. Now mostly healed and a bit embarrassed by his earlier snafu and the loss of the very Sword responsible for it, the Paladin again touches the ring and says, "I wish I had my hand around the hilt of my sword right now!". Like a whisper from the universe some unseen force responded, "Granted", and the Paladin had the sword in his hand! Where it still lay at the feet of the dragon.
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I'm of the school of thought that wishes should be granted in the least helpful way possible simply because they can be so powerful, and also should not be used lightly. The player needs to REALLY THINK about what they're going to use it on and how to say it.
I'm of the school of thought that wishes should be granted in the least helpful way possible simply because they can be so powerful, and also should not be used lightly. The player needs to REALLY THINK about what they're going to use it on and how to say it.
My wish philosophy is "you can't always get what you want, but if your try sometimes you might find you can get what you need."
I'll tend to twist overbearing wishes into something which still respects the general thrust of the wish, is still helpful rather than harmful ... But isn't abusive.
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No mean-spiritedness at all, just standard gameplay. This particular player had a knack for flubs and faux pas and generally having his mouth engage before the words passed his brain pan.
All the players in the campaign were aware that wishes were a very fickle thing and should be handled with care and that wording was important... when this particular character found the ring of three wishes there was a collective groan from the rest of the party.
And it was actually a long running and serious campaign... though much like real life (especially in our profession), gallows humor and bursts of comedy to break the tension did happen. And such "antics" helped add life to the campaign, please don't presume to know how it was run or how the players felt about things. Certainly nothing was ruined by the assorted scenarios, but then the group involved were all adults who didn't have an overwhelming sense of entitlement nor a need to be coddled and handled with kid gloves in order to enjoy the game.
For the record, he did not die to the dragon, no one did that encounter... after all, he did have the third wish remaining on the ring. ;)
Ok, but why does that attract driders?"the seagull's call"??Yes.
In truth he referred to a specific kind of seagull, but I don't know its english name.
The only better way I'm able to word it in english is: "Kwe-eh! Kwe-eh! Kwe-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh-keh!" as he exactly (well, not really) performed it.
Because they lived in the dungeon and heard a quite unusual sound.
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I'm of the school of thought that wishes should be granted in the least helpful way possible simply because they can be so powerful, and also should not be used lightly. The player needs to REALLY THINK about what they're going to use it on and how to say it.
I understand this philosophy, but am personally of the opposed school. I think wishes, being wishes, are generally helpful unless granted by an actively malevolent entity. They may or may not fully grant the request (depending on the scope of the request and power of the entity), but the last thing I need is more reason for my players to freak out when they get a ring of three wishes and they've heard "the stories". It's just grating as a GM.
I'm really glad Fomsie's group enjoyed the shenanigans. That's great! It's always nice when a local social contract engages cohesively in a manner that best functions with them. :)
Personally, the experiences would likely have really soured me on the game, though, were I a player (or, heck, a fellow GM) - a perfect example of opposing schools of thought and playstyles where people who might otherwise enjoy similar things just don't enjoy the same aspects of those things. I don't like the adversarial style. The villains might be trying to kill or harm the PCs (and might succeed), but I'm not. This applies to wishes as much as anything else. Everyone's tolerance for that sort of thing is different, though, and, who knows, had I been playing with that group and had the same understanding and social contract, it might have been enjoyable.
Although, Fomsie, your general implication that anyone who doesn't like that way is, to quote, "have an overwhelming sense of entitlement nor a need to be coddled and handled with kid gloves in order to enjoy the game" is pretty rude, though. That's simply impolite phrasing. You might not have meant it that way, but it sure came off as such. I can understand frustration at being perceived as malicious. Mostly, I think, it comes from having different base presumptions of what the game is like.
To me in my playstyle, as a GM, all three examples are just as much GM-centered events where the GM chose to run things in an adversarial style as much as players being "dumb". But, you know, given the nature of the group, maybe it was rather dumb. It's just a different style of play than I prefer.
Because they lived in the dungeon and heard a quite unusual sound.
Beat me to saying it, as did 137ben. Makes sense that you'd know, since you were there. :)
... but why would he do such a thing is my question.
EDIT: spelling Fomsie's name right; sorry. Also finishing a sentence. (A wild Toddler appears! It uses Distract! It's super-effective!)
I'm of the school of thought that wishes should be granted in the least helpful way possible simply because they can be so powerful, and also should not be used lightly. The player needs to REALLY THINK about what they're going to use it on and how to say it.I understand this philosophy, but am personally of the opposed school. I think wishes, being wishes, are generally helpful unless granted by an actively malevolent entity. They may or may not fully grant the request (depending on the scope of the request and power of the entity), but the last thing I need is more reason for my players to freak out when they get a ring of three wishes and they've heard "the stories". It's just grating as a GM...
I can get that. Frankly I'm just not terribly interested in running games at levels high enough to make "benevolent" wishes something to be expected. There comes a point where that level of power is just normal, but I'd rather introduce it at a lower-than-usual level and require my players to really think about what they ask for and either get a decent reward without much trouble, or effectively earn something much better by being clever.
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The party had been hunting down a band of forest folk that has taken to killing villagers, and had been attacked by them a few times in hit and run battles. Only over the course of their adventures tracking this band down they discover the villagers were the bad guys and totally deserved the attacks, even learning that the villagers had offered to negotiate with the forest folk and then abushed them and killed a bunch of them.
So when the final confrontation with the forest folk begins, and they find themselves surrounded by 3 elves and pixie and a treant, all hostile, they decide to try an negotiate! I ask if they're sure, knowing it was a stupid high DC by they are adamant. They had a shot, both the Cleric and the Samurai had decent CHA and points in diplomacy. But of course, they fail, one of the elves yelling 'We aren't falling for that again!' and shooting at them.
So far, not a dumb thing, right? Well you see, it is at this point, under fire, that they decide to KEEP trying to be diplomatic. They insist on rolling diplomacy AGAIN, depite the previous failure making it impossible to succeed. The trees are coming alive and trying to brain the dwarf, the halfling is already unconcious thanks to a pixie arrow, and a Cleric and a Samurai want to TALK. I thought that was pretty dumb, and the universe agreed with me, both the Cleric and the Samurai rolling natural 1s. After the Samurai proclaimed his attempt involved screaming at the point eared sons of an unwed mother to stop shooting and the Cleric decided his try was yelling a word stating with 'F' several times in quick succession, they finally drew weapons and move to engage.
And then the magus states he wants to roll Diplomacy. Despite having a 0 CHA, 0 ranks in diplomacy, and a treant 20 feet away and closing fast. I don't like stepping in out of character and preventing my players from doing something they want to do, but I had to say 'Dude, even if you roll a natural 20, it is physically impossible for you to succeed at that diplomacy check, and if you don't stop these creatures that are attacking YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.'
So he pulled out a wand of magic missle and shot it at the elves.
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In an early 3.0 game, the PCs were planning to execute a spy they'd captured and interrogated. The party's cleric (and the guy playing him) was a really good hearted guy who didn't want to free him for fear of being branded a collaborator, decided to make a draught to near totally sedate him and help him overcome his fear of impending death.
The cleric had NO ranks in Alchemy. I rolled the check behind the screen and it came up "1". All I told him was he'd completed the mixture. So he sneaked down to the holding cell, told him what the concoction was, and helped him drink it. The prisoner died horribly before his very eyes. Thereafter the rest of the party called him the "Pastor of Disaster" and the "Sinister Minister". He's never lived that down.
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Of the many stupid things I've done at the table these two stand out in my mind.
1 - When in high school we played TMNT and our heroes robbed a bank to fund our fight against crime. Made sense at the time...
2 - Playing 2nd edition D&D I foolishly dropped a fireball into a room not knowing fully what was in the space. My friend Dave was patiently waiting to join our mid level campaign with his new character, unfortunately for him his captive character was chained to a wall in the room I just dropped a flaming ball of fire in. He died instantly before even playing in the game. His gear survived...the players rejoiced.
-MD
One really dumb moment when I was playing came from when I was playing an Adventure Path. Background Spoiler...
Then I found the magic ring. You know. Of "animal friendship". Made of the same hair-like stuff we'd found in the Stag Lord's place.
Looking around at the slaughter, I thought to myself, "this is a trap." I knew it was. I knew it was. It was cursed. Had to be. This is how whoever it is that's behind this whole thing was manipulating people.
I carefully told the GM that I was planning on dispelling-linked-delayed-dispelling* (set so that I'd hopefully have up to 8 rounds of suppressed effects) the thing before finding out who it'd previously belonged to later (an ability I'd acquired as a psion recently). I put it away, cautiously, so that it couldn't even "infect" other magic items, if it even worked that way. Took every precaution I could think of to have it without activating whatever caused all this.
So we keep exploring, clear out the cave, discover all the treasure, and I cautiously go through each piece of it, looking for traps, weirdness, or possible curses. Nope. All of it safe. Awesome!
So after all that extreme caution, I declare that I pull out "the ring", and...
"I immediately start finding out who it belonged to." I declare.
"Uh, do you mean that?" asked the GM. A little confused, maybe?
"Yeah. I really want to get to the bottom of this." I reply.
"You, uh, sure?" she asks. "Really sure?"
"Yes! I'm excited to finally use Object Reading! I didn't know that it would ever come in handy! So, anyway, I start Concentrating. We can skip the first part, I know most of it, and what I don't I don't really care about right now: on round 1 I learn the guy there is a human, on round 2 I learn that he's male, on round 3 I learn that he's an age whatever (20's-30s, I'm guessing, from description - I don't care about the specifics, but I'll write it down later), on round 4 I learn that he's probably some evil, and on round 5 I learn that he was given this by someone and lost it when he died/I took it from him (obviously), so on round 6, I'll finally, finally begin to learn who-"
"It explodes." interrupts the GM.
"... what? What do you mean?" I asked confused.
"The ring. It explodes." she says.
"..."
"Everyone... make... reflex... saves." says the GM.
*roll* [fail]
*roll* [fail]
*roll* [fail]
*roll* [success] (the Ranger)
*roll* [fail]
"... you all take 5d6 damage**. Except you - you take half. The ring is completely destroyed. Obliterated. No trace left."
After tallying the damage, everyone was nearly dead, only saved by my liberal use of resist energy.
I was so furious with myself. So. Furious. I knew I should have dispelled it. I knew I should have dispelled it. I couldn't believe that I'd forgotten to do so. I still kick myself about that - not because I really (in retrospect) necessarily want to unravel the mystery (which is still ongoing) but for how incredibly dumb it was to take all those precautions and then entirely forget to use the most important one just before Object Reading. The very precaution I had said I was going to use. With plenty of GM hints that I might want to rethink my action.
Ah well. Fun games. :)
* Some old 3.5 abilities that allowed me to utilize an ability, then link another ability to to go off one round later... but also delay the second effect by up to five rounds (in this case I was going to be delaying it by 4 rounds, so it went off automatically on the fourth round).
** I don't remember exactly how much damage it was. It was just a lot. And she rolled high.
** spoiler omitted **
No, not really. It was entirely my own fault.
I laid out the plan quite some time earlier, but then, after exploration, when it came time to act on it, I'd totally forgotten about my procedure. I simply leaped right into the Object Reading.
I just plain got over-eager and forged on ahead in spite of myself.
I had been so careful, but when it came time to do the most important thing, the GM even tried to get me to remember my earlier plan, but by that point I'd just forged bast it: I began narrating to the GM what was happening. Not because I wanted to control the game, but because, in a fit of excitement, I'd forgotten about my dispelling thing, and was trying to rush things along the "boring parts" (that I already knew about) to the "interesting bit" (where I learned about the villain).
I had no real reason to think the ring would explode. I just thought it was cursed or something. I mean, I was right. I just didn't guess what kind of curse it had.
It's still possible that it might have exploded anyway. The dispel might have "let up" early (probably would have, in fact, considering it could have lasted up to eight rounds, but instead I only started to get information on hair-person by round 6 - and planned on going until round 10 to get all the information). But at least that way, I would have done everything in my power first.
This way? I just feel stupid. :)
EDIT: To be clear, the GM has let me get away with amazing shenanigans in that game. As an example, I've currently got a kingdom with the equivalent of four major artifacts that let me do a form of Resurrection more or less at will with which I can apply the Celestial or half-celestial template, raise them as a different creature type or race, and all sorts of other things on any creature, reaching back about 5,000 years or so. Also, she felt really bad that I was so upset with myself on this one - but it was entirely my fault, not hers. When you begin narrating the events of the game over the GM, you've pretty much earned what you acquired.
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TL: Ah ok, I was missing that your curse-suppression plan had been laid out well in advance of your actual fact-finding attempt. I had thought it was detailed immediately prior. Fair point about narrating over the GM though, heh. ;)
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TL: Ah ok, I was missing that your curse-suppression plan had been laid out well in advance of your actual fact-finding attempt. I had thought it was detailed immediately prior. Fair point about narrating over the GM though, heh. ;)
Heh.
First, I cleared with the GM, getting the "okay" to do this first.
Effectively, I created an ioun-stone well made of orange prism ioun stones. Using the infamous (and oft-maligned) "snow cone wish machine" I created about 900 simulacra of different efreeti. The originals all believed I had summoned them to gain harmless body-clippings in order to create potent fire spells... technically true, as many things I've recreated have the [fire] descriptor... and in exchange, I used two of their wishes to give them treasure, and the third to get a lawful evil candle.
(I had also created a nifty magical metal "tub" that created holy water, then froze it solid, then fabricated the ice into statues...)
After I had them all built, I used their Whims (I asked the GM if she could rule them as "not quite wishes" - basically extremely solid illusions, akin to a Shades effect that aren't quite real, so I don't destabilize the whole economy with real gold conjured ex nihilo, or similar problems) to create the ioun stones. The wish gets me a resurrection effect with a caster level of 5,000. Thus I was wrong before: it's a reach back of 50,000 years instead of 5,000. :)
In any event, after the first "Well of Life" was completed, I've subsequently used them to end all unnatural death and much disease in the kingdom.
The bodies recreated are permanent illusions... at first... though the people are the real souls. Thus, they are commanded to take a "month off" to rest, eat, and breathe as much as possible. Using that time and substance - specifically the eating and breathing - means their bodies become "real" over the course of the month. Then we don't have problems like people accidentally getting dispelled (ruled that they die, and turn into fine dust of an amount equal to their former "realness" acquired).
Even after the end of a month, their illusory form persists, but they also have a truly real/corporeal form, so the illusion really does nothing.
I've made four of these - one in each major city - since. Only two are "known", and most people don't really know the well does anything itself.
My character has begun to recieve worship as the "Lord of Life". It's pretty awesome.
As always, though, clear this with your GM first.
So now you know.
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So in one of my campaigns, my two players were playing a pair of tiefling rogue siblings and had been working through an ancient wizard's tomb investigating a local legend. Of course said tomb was full of all sorts of devious grimtoothy traps and such as befitted their roguely persuasions. At one point near the the bottom of the dungeon, after having cleared out everything above them, they come across a large room with a wide trough of bubbling hot tar flowing sluggishly through the middle, spanned by a long, ten foot wide arch of stone. I had planned a setpiece to take place here later involving the NPC they rescued turning traitor while flying devils port in and all sorts of three-way melee breaking out over the perilous expanse of deadly tar. However, player A takes one look at the room, says 'that TOTALLY looks like a trap' which was expected, and then instead of investigating/disabling/avoiding the break-away section of bridge in the middle and getting embroiled in the events which would follow, just pulls out a one-shot dimension door item I had forgotten about ages ago and ports the small group completely across the room and into the next area. Rats!
THEN, this same player has a flash of insight / paranoia about the NPC they had come across, and decides to move straight into murder mode and sneak attack this poor wizard before he has a chance do do anything even potentially nefarious. The other player says 'in for a penny, in for a pound' and lays in as well, both totally trumping the suddenly terrified NPC in init and gutting him like a fish. At this point the devils port in, having been looking for this same NPC to drag off to hell for an aeons-old debt, and lay out their hellish demands that the transgressor be yielded to their custody for eternal flaying. The players shrug, kick over the body and wash their hands of it, completely avoiding the climactic combat. The devils leave, the players loot the final chamber of spectacular goods and get ready to go, hauling chests and heaped with jewels.
"So, how do you get out of here?" I ask, innocently enough.
"Well, I'm pretty sure we've cleared everything out of here, so we just walk straight out" says Player A. Player B looks up briefly from their tabulation of loot and nods.
"You just.. walk straight out? Across the stone bridge over the tar and up to the stairs?"
"Yeah, sure, sounds good."
I fix Player A with a stare for a few solid seconds to make sure he's comfortable with this decision.
"Alllll right, you head out and across the bridge across the boiling-hot tar trough. Reflex save, please."
"Sure. Aw man, rolled a 2. Does a 19 do it? What happened?"
"The trap you clearly predicted a short while ago was, in fact, exactly where you expected, and as you walk across it the bridge gives way, plunging you and everything you are carrying into boiling tar. The agony is mercifully brief."
... but why would he do such a thing is my question.
Because, as mentioned in the opening post, his brain just farted.
"The trap you clearly predicted a short while ago was, in fact, exactly where you expected, and as you walk across it the bridge gives way, plunging you and everything you are carrying into boiling tar. The agony is mercifully brief.
Yep. That more or less sounds exactly like what I did with the ring above. Take every precaution with it, because I knew something was wrong with it, but then just "dur-her'd" when it came time to finish up.
... but why would he do such a thing is my question.Because, as mentioned in the opening post, his brain just farted.
That... is amazing. Wow. *slow clap*
... but why would he do such a thing is my question.Because, as mentioned in the opening post, his brain just farted.
Yeah, well, but that doesn’t explain it, really. Now, yes, I had a PC find a set of battered full plate in a low level area. Since he actually had a craft skill, I said he could try and fix it. BUT, instead of waiting until they got out, he decided to start hammering right then & there in the dungeon, which woke everything, including the dead. Bad choice, but at least he had a reason for making a huge clamor.
But just making a loud noise- for no reason at all?
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These are three things I did.
1)
Throughout the dungeon, my character has been acting as the party brain and solving all of the puzzles. Meanwhile, the fighter has been suggesting we just bash them with a rock. Every single one has been trapped up until this point.
So, we're in the middle of the dungeon, facing yet another puzzle, and I'm utterly stumped. I don't even remember what the puzzle was; just that it had something to do with syllable arrangement in some ancient language and my character didn't have a Knowledge skill for it. The DC of the puzzle itself was supposed to be 5, but the DM wouldn't let anyone take 10 due to the nature of the puzzle. He kept hinting that if I looked at it close enough, the answer would be obvious.
It's pretty obvious now how the solution was found, but I was suffering a total brain fart and wasn't understanding the hints. And the fighter kept whispering to hit it with something.
So, finally, I announced I was bashing it with a rock.
The DM stopped laughing first, and then got the rest of the party to stop laughing when he announced the trap was a 450-pound bell falling through a sudden opening in the ceiling. Everying in the center of the room except the fighter made their reflex saves to prevent being trapped inside the bell and no one made their saves to avoid being temporarily deafened. Needless to say, we didn't hear the sounds of every monster in the dungeon heading our way...
Oops.
2)
Keep in mind that, up until this point, ever wish I had made related to a creature always teleported me to the creature. I had not yet made a wish that was worded in a way as to summon the creature. I also have a brand-new Ring of Three Wishes, and it's been a good ten levels (and one character sheet) since the rock bashing incident.
The BBEG has managed, despite our best efforts, to obtain a major artifact that allows him to kill gods. He hasn't yet met a god, and our objective is to stop him and destroy the artifact. Unfortunately for us, he's raised an entire army of fiends, elementals, and assorted other monsters to aid him in trying to draw out a god. Even more unfortunately, we only find that out when we arrive at his base and spot the army.
In an act of what I thought was pure genius, I immediately touched the ring and said, "I wish for one being our foe can't slay to appear in his room!"
DM: "Are you sure? Please say no..."
Me: "I'm sure!"
Cue the DM spending a half hour searching every monster resource book we have before finally accepting the inevitable and unleashing the Tarrasque.
3)
The Tarraque has eaten the BBEG and, in the process, destroyed the major artifact... and is now busy eating everything else. We're currently trying to stop it from destroying the most important temple of the paladin's god, and said god has indicated that if we fail there will be no atonement.
The Tarrasque is standing over the temple itself, busy eating some griffins the temple's guard are using to defend the temple, while our party is busy trying to draw it away using spells. And then, suddenly, I get a brilliant idea...
Me: "I wish the Tarrasque was inside a red dragon!"
DM: "Are you sure?"
Me, remembering last time: "No, better reverse that... I wish a red great wyrm was inside the Tarrasque's throat!"
That was granted, followed by the (temporarily) dead Tarrasque falling on the very temple we were trying to protect...
The good news is, I managed to wish it permanently dead before the ex-Paladin got a good look at their god's former holy site. Sadly, my character didn't survive the resulting surprise attack...
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Here goes another Wish-related fiasco... because we can't have too many of those. It was back in the days of 2E. A rather excentric PC had befriended a critter with the power to grant a Wish per day... unfortunately, the thing was an embodiment of pure chaos who enjoyed twisting the wishes it granted to ensure maximum mayhem. After several ill-formulated wishes that almost resulted in a TPK, the rest of the party -which included a Wu Jen wizard, a greatsword-wielding barbarian and a dual-wielding ranger- tried to persuade, cajole and even intimidate the PC in question to get rid of the damn thing, to no avail of course.
One day, raiding a dungeon, they entered a room with a mechanism that left them trapped inside while hundreds of crawling hands entered the room through tiny holes in the ceiling and the floor (nowadays that would have been constructed as a swarm, I guess). Things looked bleak, and suddenly Mr Excentric's player's face glowed of pure joy, and immediately asked his pet: "I wish all the f*&*%ing hands in the room would disappear!"
The crawling hands vanished to the last... alongside their non-crawling, fully functional and previously-attached-to-an-arm counterparts. Needless to say, the barbarian, the ranger and the wizard were not amused. So not amused, in fact, that the barbarian tried to strangle Mr Excentric -hard to do without hands- and crush the little wish-granting bugger under his sandaled feet.
Me, playing a Paladin many years ago. After a long and exhausting chase through traps, monsters, and illusions, I and the party mage (the group had been split) finally manage to locate the area where the BBEG was holing up. We chased him into a small chamber where a shimmering black sphere hung. The BBEG was nowhere to be seen. Thinking he'd somehow teleported and I could follow him, I threw myself into the dark sphere....of annihilation.
Another, long ago 2nd edition game, I was playing a bounty hunter type character. The group had been on the trail of a vampire, and we found a chamber containing a casket on a raised pedestal and a single candle on a tall iron staff that was affixed to the floor. After spending nearly an hour trying to lift the lid off the coffin to know avail, the cleric suddenly announced he'd deciphered the runes on the pedestal and would be able to open it. Before he could read them, however, I reached out and snuffed the candle, plunging the room into total darkness. The next thing I heard was the creaking of the casket lid and its crashing to the ground and the blood curdling screams of my comrades. Yep, felt pretty silly after that one.
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Me, playing a Paladin many years ago. After a long and exhausting chase through traps, monsters, and illusions, I and the party mage (the group had been split) finally manage to locate the area where the BBEG was holing up. We chased him into a small chamber where a shimmering black sphere hung. The BBEG was nowhere to be seen. Thinking he'd somehow teleported and I could follow him, I threw myself into the dark sphere....of annihilation.
Another, long ago 2nd edition game, I was playing a bounty hunter type character. The group had been on the trail of a vampire, and we found a chamber containing a casket on a raised pedestal and a single candle on a tall iron staff that was affixed to the floor. After spending nearly an hour trying to lift the lid off the coffin to know avail, the cleric suddenly announced he'd deciphered the runes on the pedestal and would be able to open it. Before he could read them, however, I reached out and snuffed the candle, plunging the room into total darkness. The next thing I heard was the creaking of the casket lid and its crashing to the ground and the blood curdling screams of my comrades. Yep, felt pretty silly after that one.
As soon as I read "the group had been split" I thought this was going to be a painful lesson in why you should never split the party.
The BBEG was nowhere to be seen. Thinking he'd somehow teleported and I could follow him, I threw myself into the dark sphere....of annihilation.
This reminds me!
Earlier this year, I was playing through a 3.5 pre-published adventure with my wife as the GM. We were rolling dice via both choosing random numbers and adding them to get totals (we "wrapped around" when we over-shot a given dice range's value). I was the only player, but she'd provided some GMPCs to assist (my "sisters", though they were the very much so adopted-by-my-noble-family drow; random race/alignment/character generation can be fun).
So anyway, I had, through rather impressive work and a huge amount of magic (Duergar Sorcerer), and social skills, managed to weasel our way into a false temple of Mystra (we were playing a very altered Faerun/Golarion mashup world that has no setting rules, but is great for playing one-off games) and convince everyone we were human (invisible, non-aura, hats of disguise that were really other innocuous pieces of clothing).
After lots of rituals, we learned the temple was, in fact, false, and, in a fit of brilliance, I forced my non-charismatic sister to drop her illusion (but be augmented by a few others) to imitate the temple's real goddess, and trick out the priest that was going to try to enslave us, or whatever, and rendered the guards unconscious. I also tricked him into thinking he'd destroyed the artifact. Sucker.
(High Charisma, max Bluff, Glibness, I guessed a 20, and the one actual dice she used - for the other guy - was a natural 1.)
Moving everyone downstairs, we actually managed to incite a (un)holy war, tricking each priest into thinking that the other was a traitor to their goddess. Mostly we just sat back as "dominated" slaves unable to be forced into helping because of our state.
So, two dumb moments, here.
1) In a fit of brilliance, to try to further the pandemonium and confusion, I shout, "Hey, everybody, we're on your side!" Somehow, this worked.
2) After the severely wounded priestess ran away from the chaos, and as the guards killed each other off (we rendered the remaining ones unconscious), we began to chase the priestess down. We ran into a hall where we saw a shimmering curtain of darkness. While there had been hints that there might be something on the plane of Shadow, my character didn't know this. I had previously (before we'd decided who would GM) skimmed the back, which mentioned going to the plane of Shadow. In the midst of the intense (and fun) action sequence, I forgot that my character didn't know that we were going there, so...
Me: She must have gone to the plane of Shadow! I tell everyone to follow me, and I run through the gate, charging with my spear!
GM: You... what?
Me: I run through the gate, charging with my spear! I'm charging just in case there are guards or something on the other side! I'm not going to get caught by surprise, here!
GM: Are... are you sure? You don't want to look around or anything first?
Me: Yeah, no, I'll take care of that later! I don't want her to get away! So, I go through the portal, what do I see? Are there lots of guards? Do I hit anyone with my charge?
GM: Uh, give me a will save.
*I give her a number, she checks her notes, nervously*
GM: Uh... okay. So... *glances at notes* ... whew, yeah, okay, you end up on the other side.
Me: ? What? I end up on the other side?
GM: Yes. You're on the other side of the portal, in the same room you were just in, still on the material plane, only now you're standing in the pile of bones I described earlier. So now that you're on the other side, you...
Me: I hop through the portal again! I'm going to make my will save this time!
GM: Uh. You do what?
Me: I hop through the portal again!
GM: ... make a will save.
Me: Nine!
GM: ... Okay. Give me a Percentile.
*we give our number at the same time, add it up, and come up with something like 55%*
GM: ... ... ...
Me: So do I make it? What happens? What do I see? I must've made my will save this time, so I made it through! What's on the other side?
GM: ... you... feel darkness touch you. Somewhere deep inside. You're on the front side of the portal again, still on the material, but from your new angle in the room, you see some side doors.
Me: Arg! Lousy percentiles! I hop through the portal again!
GM: ... will save.
* Will save low, percentiles around 52% *
GM: You feel darkness touch you, you feel darker, colder, less emotional somehow.
Me: Arg! I can't let her get away! I ho-
GM: - your sister says, "Hey, that's not working, let's go through one of these doors, first!"
Me: ... okay, I finish hopping through one more time, just to be sure, but then I follow her if it doesn't work again.
GM: ... (softly) roll please.
* flub the will save, roll 51% *
GM: ... the darkness touches you... again, and you feel both colder and warmer. Somehow numbed, slightly. Again. Further from your goddess. Still on the material.
Me: Uh, okay, that's weird, so anyway, I run off after my sisters!
So, as it turns out, I was slowly acquiring an evil version of a template in a ritual all the dark guards had been forced to go through until they were corrupted and evil. I was, like, 3/10 of the way done. Had I rolled below 50%? I would have died. Instantly. Heh.
GM was so nervous that the only player was about to bite it from sheer, repeated stupidity.
But, eventually, despite that dumb moment, we successfully routed the priestess (who had, in fact, fled through the side door), and destroyed the local cell of the cult. I was later even able to use my 3/day temporary version of the template to fake being part of the evil cult, and sway/trick a bunch of darkfolk into cleaning up the city and ending crime instead of actually helping the evil cultists (while thinking they were helping the evil cultists).
Fun!
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In a game last night, I was playing a scatterbrained gnome with a fascination for all things sparkly. The character is a sorcerer/oracle of heavens color spray monster. The party also had a master of many styles monk who used dragon style to charge everywhere. We were playing the second level of thorn keep, and it was still early enough that we weren't being as cautious as we could have been, though we were learning quick.
The rogue (ranger actually) in the front checks the door for traps, then opens the door. There's two monsters flanking the door, attacking anything that enters. We spend a round doing not much and the monk decides to break the stand off. He goes charging in and immediately takes a beating. I'm sitting in my chair, meditating on AC, and a thought occurs to me. I turn to the monk player and say 'by the way, did you want me to cast Mage armor on you?'
The table unanimously decided that the question was so in character that we retconned things a bit.
Monk: Well, someone's got to do it. Dragon Charge!
*Provokes while moving so that he's flanked, after which the monsters get their turns*
Monk: *Oof* *Oof* *Oof*
Farkle: Ummmm... Did you want me to cast Mage Armor first?
Monk: Dang you, Farkle!!!