
ShoulderPatch |

When new players come to a table they often want to have some say over their characters profession, yet they often have only vague ideas what the classes mean by name.
Since the base classes now span 4+ books (or several online clicks), I thought it'd be cool if some people here with time tried the following writing exercise...
Include as many as you can/feel comfortable with of the base classes... the Core rulebook 11 of Barbarian to Wizard, the 6 from the APG (well, 7, AntiPaladin), 3 from UC, and Magus from UM. (to make it easier I'll put a list at the bottom of this post to cut and paste)
For each class, do the following...
1) Write a 1-3 sentence at most description. Try and summarize what the class thematically represents, what it functionally does on the table/for it's group, and how it does it.
(note: reasonable length sentences)
(note: when in doubt and whenever possible, brief is better)
2) List 1-3 famous fictional characters that the class could represent.
(note: famous here generally means commonly known. An obscure fantasy character from a little known book wouldn't count, Bilbo would. An obscure anime character from an untranslated series wouldn't count, Ash from Pokemon would. Mainly ask yourself if a non-gamer/geek/nerd might know of them, and if in doubt use the more popular/pop culture character whenever you can. However, since what's commonly known can vary generation to generation, region to region, if you can't think of anything but an obscure character that's fine.)
Try and leave personal bias out of it, plenty of threads exist here to rant about whatever class you think is broken and this isn't an exercise in telling beginners what the most powerful classes are, it's about explaining to a new player "This is what this class usually means thematically. This is what it does on the table" while also making sure not to be verbose and overload them.
---
Barbarian
Bard
Cleric
Druid
Fighter
Monk
Paladin
Ranger
Rogue
Sorcerer
Wizard
Alchemist
Cavalier
Inquisitor
Oracle
Summoner
Witch
Anti-Paladin
Magus
Gunslinger
Ninja
Samurai

Lamontius |

The easiest way not to be verbose and overload them would be to have a completely new player either play some Beginner Box or use a core-rule pregenerated character from the fighter, rogue, sorcerer or cleric classes.
Once they have gotten a game or two under their belt, you can give them more options.

IejirIsk |

The Barbarian: How to describe such a figure of elegance and class. "Grawl SMASH!" Oh dear. The barbarian gets angry and smashes things. Like Braveheart, or the Hulk (minus growing and turning green). Fairly simple class.
The Alchemist: "Who needs to cast spells, when there are potions around to be drunk, bombs to be thrown, and this lovely vial of green glowing goo." Said vial of goo being the turning big and green of the Hulk. Or Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. Full of potions and buffs.
Fighter: "I need no spells, I have my trusted sword and my shield to carry me through." They have the most potential for customization. They get many many feats, can wield almost anything with ease, and have some of the best survivability. Probably the simplest to play once in play, tricky to set up.

rangerjeff |
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say this is impossible. If they show up to play and know nothing, give them one of the pregens that fits the table, let them look over it and help them to understand what they'll be doing in the game, and after the game strongly encourage them to buy either the Beginner Box or the CRB.
And, who is this Ash from Pokemon?

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Cavalier: The quintessential "knight" who dedicates his sword and his life for king and country, his church, or any other cause he deems worthy-- usually the same cause that trained him in the ways of warfare and granted him his loyal steed. A master of mounted combat and a student of advanced warfare and tactics-- as comfortable at the head of a company of soldiers as he is in a duel of honor. Historical examples: Don Quixote, the Lone Ranger, William Tecumseh Sherman.
Inquisitor: An agent of the church who is sent out into the world to track down heretics, blasphemers, and enemies of the faith and either convert or destroy them. Who these "enemies" are depends on which church the inquisitor serves, but all inquisitors are better with a blade or bow than with the blessings and miracles other holy figures rely on. Historical examples: Van Hellsing, Inspector Javert

SoulGambit |
Honestly, I find it best to have a few pregenerated characters on-hand. Show the new person a list of classes and ask what's interesting to them. Most will pick entirely on the name. If classes have distinct builds and I happen to have pregens of each, I ask "Ranged or Melee," etc. Most classes are right what they say on the tin, and most people can figure out basically what they are from the name.
If they gloss over, ask them how they want to solve problems. If they are still glossing over, make that a multiple choice question.
That said, this isn't a bad thing. I'll contribute in a bit. I'd recommend keeping a Google Docs though, so you can edit it later.

Nymor |
I'd ask them a few questions:
1) You want to be able to use: A)No magic or very little magic (Barbarian, Fighter, Monk, Rogue, Cavalier, Gunslinger) B)a little magic (Paladin, Ranger) C)a good amount of magic (Alchemist, Inquisitor, Magus, Summoner, Bard) D)gimme all the magic!!!! (Wizard, Sorcerer, Oracle, Druid, Cleric, Witch)
2) You want to be able to heal yourself or an ally? A) Who cares? (Fighter, Barbarian, Rogue, Cavalier, Gunslinger, Magus, Summoner, Wizard, Sorcerer) B) a little or only myself (Monk, Ranger, Alchemist, Inquisitor, bard, Sorcerer -with the right bloodline-)C)Sure! (Cleric, Oracle, Witch, Druid, Paladin
3) You want a pet? A)Big, Bad and strong! (Summoner, Druid, Nature Oracle, Paladin, Ranger, Fey Sorcerer) B) A funny little one (anithing with a familiar)
Double check this 3 with the role/roles they'd like to try

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With the warning that I'm simplifiying.
Barbarian--Beserker type warrior. Think Vikings.
Bard--Think Musicians in a 80's music video who go around dealing with weird situations.
Cleric--Your typical Priest or Rabbi. The Pope or the Dalai Lamma are clerics.
Druid--Shaman/clericy type with a pet.
Fighter--Solider or Gladiator. Numerous examples.
Monk--Seen Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? Michelle Yeoh and Chow Young Fat were Monks. If that didn't work I'd mention Bruce Lee.
Paladin--Holy warrior. Like a Crusader but actually holy.
Ranger--Naturey warrior. Think Robin Hood or Hawkeye (from Last of the Mohicans, not Avengers).
Rogue--Anything from a pickpocket to a con artist to cat burgular, depending on what you make. Felipe the Mouse (LadyHawke) would be a good example.
Sorcerer--Someone with inborn magical powers. Like the X men, only with magic rather then mutations.
Wizard--Someone who studies magic like a scientist studies science.
Alchemist--Someone who experiments with drugs like Jekyll and Hyde. Also can throw bombs.
Cavalier--Knights in Shining Armor.
Inquisitor--Church Hunter with investigative skills.
Oracle--Instead of you going to god like a cleric does, god comes to you. Think Joan of Arc or the Blues Brothers (latter are multi-class bards).
Summoner--Someone with a relation with a magical creature. Think Kenichi Morisato and Belldandy (Oh My Goddess), the wolf girl in X,Pete and his Dragon.
Witch--Someone who trades with spirits for magic. Could be the wicked witch, could be a Shaman type.
Anti-Paladin--Unholy Warrior.
Magus Combination warrior/wizard. If they knew Marvel I'd mention Magik.
Gunslinger--What it says on the tin only the guns are like flintlocks and stuff. Tell them to watch the good the bad and the ugly.
Ninja--Oriental themed Rogue with powers from the movies.
Samurai--Oriental cavalier.