ha- i actually started my undergrad in rochester too, and have done some masters work out there. i still drive out once or twice a year to hit up nick's.
You talking about Nick Tahoes's?
LOL! I ate there every time I went out to visit my buddies at RIT. Home of the garbage plate!
I live about 4 hours east in Glens Falls, NY.
Got to love the garbage plate, pass by there and Dinosaur BBQ everyday on my way to work.
Ok we need to pick a con (SimCon, Rudicon, whatever con) or something to get a RPG Superstar Western NY writers workshop going or something!
This is what i was working on. Keep in mind that it's a very early draft, and I can't help but think it sounds more like a prestige class than an archetype at this point, but anyways...
Rookwarden Liberator(Alchemist)
Formed by the son of Loric and the daughter of Deigal, the rookwarden liberators seek to liberate Loric Falls by retaking rookwarden from the hags and their troll minions, not by military might, but by refocusing their skill sets to better exploit their foes weaknesses and neutralize their advantages.
Focused Skill set: Rookwarden Liberators have less time to practice various alchemical skills than other alchemists. They do not add their level to craft(alchemy) checks, nor do they gain the brew potion feat for free.
Trollbane: the rookwarden liberators' bombs as well as any natural attacks made while in mutagen form deal 1 extra point of fire damage vs trolls. this ability does not apply if the alchemist uses a discovery to change the type of damage his bombs deal. This ability replaces poison use.
Hag Foe: the rookwarden liberator gains a +1 bonus to saving throws verses spell-like and supernatural abilities. This bonus increases to +2 at 5th level, and to +3 at 8th level. This ability replaces poison resistance.
Spell blight Bomb(su): three times per day a rookwarden liberator can cause a creature who takes a direct hit from one of her bombs to become inflicted with a minor spellblight of the alchemists choice in addition to the bombs standard effects. Doing so reduces the bombs damage by 1d6.
This ability replaces swift alchemy.
Greater Spell blight Bomb(su): as spell blight bomb above, except the alchemist can choose a major spell blight and the bombs damage is reduced by 2d6.
This ability replaces swift poisoning.
Trollslayer: this ability functions as trollbane above, except the bonus damage increases to 1d6. This ability replaces poison immunity.
[b]Communal Spell blight Bomb(su)[b]: as greater spellblight bomb above, but creatures that take splash damage from the bomb are also inflicted, and the bombs damage is reduced by 4d6. This ability replaces instant alchemy.
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Unknown Knight- i like the idea of the exiled/dishonored knight trying to prove himself; i think you could have done a little more to tie it to the RK though (and the first paragraph obviously need some rewriting). the mechanics seem good for the most part. i'm not as familiar with cavaliers as i am with most classes, so i'm not positive how covered escutcheon balances compared to banner and greater banner but i really like the idea that they can chose to switch (irrevocably) to the original feature by revealing their identity. i think for ford-holder you should specify whether the ability affects how fast/far you can travel through the mud/water (and for balance sake it probably shouldn't).
Thanks! After cutting Robber Knight, I had some words to spare and could mention specific locations in the River Kingdoms where unknown knights might appear.
Covered escutcheon gives an extra +1 to the different saving throw bonuses, but doesn't benefit a whole party within 60 feet, just one ally chosen beforehand (which I also could have described better with more judicious use of the term 'token').
Ford-holder doesn't mention moving faster, making mud and water not count as difficult terrain, or anything similar, so a reader shouldn't presume it gives such a benefit. It only allows the unknown knight to charge, despite all the other difficulties (as worded he could even charge if he or his mount had to use the Swim skill). One of the ranger archetypes says so more explicitly for an equivalent ability. I had earlier wanted to call this ability Ford-Challenger, which I worried would sound like a car, but I think now the previous name was better.
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Wyvern Tamer (Cavalier)
Many rulers claim the lands of the River Kingdoms, but the wyverns own the skies. Nesting in the Tors of Levenies amidst the rolling wilds of the Kamelands, wyverns mark a territory of their own: one where they are kings and everyone else is prey. Taming these terrors requires cunning and ruthlessness, two things the folk of the River Kingdoms have in spades.
This looks pretty good. Wyverns might be difficult mounts since they have stingers well positioned to attack anyone trying to train them and are traditionally bipeds, so could have an awkward posture for mounting or for riding on the ground. I wonder if there's an implement better suited than a whip to deal with the first-mentioned problem.
Wow, I was worried Sevenarches was going to be flooded, & Summoners were open too! Looks like I hit the niche well, lets see about the design.
I am not sure on the balance, some of earlier abilities are probably weaker than what you give up, but others make up for that later--I think.
Eighth Arch (Summoner)
Ally of the Oakstewards, the eighth arch studies the creatures and energies of the Seven Arches. Creatures summoned by him resemble the gorgas except they have teeth, claws, and eyes that glow with the arcane light of the magical gates. Eighth arches slay gorgas and internalize some of the planar abilities provided by his namesake.
Gorgas Slayer (Sp): The eighth arch alters his summoned creatures by creating eyes and fangs made of the Sevenarches’s bright light. Whenever the eighth arch summons a creature that would have the celestial or infernal template added, he may instead add the ‘slayer’ abilities. A ‘slayer’ gains blindfighting as a bonus feat and a +2 bonus against gorgas or other shadow creatures. This works like the ranger’s favored enemy bonus. At fifth level the eighth arch can choose to apply this bonus to elves instead. This ability modifies the summon monster ability.
Arcane Claw (Su): At fourth level, whenever the summoner calls a slayer from a level lower than his maximum summon list, he focuses on a single creature and sheaths its fangs and claws in arcane light. Instead of calling multiple creatures a single creature’s natural attacks are considered one size larger for the purposes of damage. If he calls a single creature two or more levels below his maximum, the creature’s attacks are two sizes larger. This ability replaces shield ally.
Archrift Fang (Su): At tenth level the fangs or claws of the gorgas slayer burn with planar light. The eighth arch can target one natural attack of a single creature he has called. This attack passes through (ignores) armor, shields and natural armor as an incorporeal touch. Force effects and deflection bonuses work normally. Activating archrift fang is a standard action and requires concentration to maintain. This ability replaces aspect.
Internal Arch (Su): Starting at 12th level, a summoner travels between the Material Plane and the Ethereal Plane for a number of rounds per day equal to his eighth arch level. This is a standard action that targets him, his eidolon or a slayer. Otherwise this functions as the blink spell. This ability replaces greater shield ally.
Arch Link (Su): At 18th level eighth arch and his eidolon can explore greater distances when touching an arch or similar extra-dimensional portal even if the gate exits on another plane. One must maintain contact with the portal while the other remains the prescribed distance from the exit. They count as being on the same plane for purposes of life bond, life link, maker’s call and the link special ability. This ability replaces greater aspect.
FWIW Rangers and Alchemist still get the love as of this post, practice rangers is at 4 and alchemist at 6. The others:
Barbarian 4
Bard 2
Cavalier 2
Cleric 1
Fighter 1
Gunslinger 1
Inquisitor 2
Magus 1
Monk 2
Paladin 2
Rogue 1
Summoner 2
Witch 1
Wizard 3 (4 if universalist is wizard)
I will be doing some meager critiques, but it will be awhile. I dinnae even get remarks into the Top 32's archetypes yet. :(
Guess I'm the first Oracle then. It's simple but fun; I doubt this would be what I'd submit if I were in the top 32, but I'm glad I made it.
Doombreaker (Oracle)
A doombreaker is thrown onto the divine path when she is marked for death, discovering a new source of power in her efforts to avoid fate. Regardless of the mystery she draws upon, a doombreaker appears haggard and desperate, quick to lend her powers to anyone who can help her stay one step ahead of her own death. Although oracles tend not to gather in large numbers, Daggermark doombreakers hunted by the same infamous Assassins' Guild often join forces to share their chosen methods of defying a bloody end.
Decreed to Die (Ex): At first level, a doombreaker chooses one person or group actively seeking to slay her. If that enemy ever cease the attempt for any reason, the doombreaker loses access to her revelations and bonus spells until a new enemy (or the same one) begins to pursue her (in which case they become the only enemy affected by this ability). The doombreaker is always awake and aware when one of her chosen enemies is within 60 feet, and suffers from the frightened condition in that circumstance. At 5th level, the penalty is reduced to shaken and the doombreaker may spend a standard action once per day to grant a willing touched target the benefits of one of her revelations as long as he is fighting or evading her chosen enemy (for a maximum duration of 5 rounds or 1 use within the next 5 rounds). At 10th level, the doombreaker gains an additional spell per day which she can only use to cast one of her bonus spells while fighting or evading a chosen assassin. At 15th level, the doombreaker no longer needs to touch a target to convey her revelation, and the benefits are imparted to any number of willing targets she chooses within 30 feet. This ability replaces oracle's curse.
Nooooo... don't die little thread... i need you to keep going so i can get feedback on my archetype...
help! who knows virtual CPR? [/bump]
Ed, I still plan to get to it (and respond to your comments about my uncrowned king). Just need another day, I think, and then I should be back to reviewing.
Nooooo... don't die little thread... i need you to keep going so i can get feedback on my archetype...
help! who knows virtual CPR? [/bump]
I like the Freeman Ranger overall. Several others have given more in depth feedback too. Chin up! :)
I was an alternate, but this isn't what I turned in. The spirit is the same, but I changed it from an Oracle's curse to a Witch's familiar.
Witch of the Ruined King (Witch)
Some witches possess a different kind of familiar, learning from a spirit that ruled one of the many River Kingdoms lost in time. Usually a royal heirloom or perhaps a shrunken head belonging to the ruler, the kings remnant serves as the witch’s advisor on her journey.
Class Skills: A witch of the ruined king has Diplomacy and Knowledge (Nobility) instead of Intimidate and Knowledge (Planes) as class skills.
Kings Remnant (Su): At 1st level, a witch of the ruined king gains a sentient item called a kings remnant that serves as her familiar. This item otherwise functions a wizard's arcane bond item except as noted in the Witch's Familiar section (Advanced Player’s Guide).
A kings remnant begins with 10 Intelligence, 6 Wisdom, and 6 Charisma, and gains a +1 for to each ability score for every two witch levels (minimum +1). It possesses the same skill ranks as its master and gains Common as a language. A kings remnant possesses the same alignment as its master and begins with 5 Ego, increasing by 1 for every witch level. It has the purpose “become king by your own hand,” encouraging its owner to act like a leader. Like any intelligent item, a kings remnant may assert its dominance as the rules on page 535 of the Core Rulebook.
When in possession of her kings remnant, the witch gains a +3 to Diplomacy and gains the Alertness feat. A witch of the ruined king may communicate telepathically with her kings remnant using a language they share.
Hexes: A witch of the ruined king can select the following hexes. Her kings remnant must be in her possession to use these:
Commune with Kings (Su) The witch gains a connection to civilizations long past, gaining an insight bonus to Knowledge (Nobility) and Knowledge (History) checks when in the ruins of a settlement, as whispering lore. At 3rd level, the witch can use her kings remnant to question the blood of a creature that formerly inhabited the settlement, as blood biography, once per day. At 5th level, the witch can speak to a former inhabitant’s corpse, as speak with dead, once per day.
Remnant Bond (Su) The witch can speak through an object as ventriloquism for a number of minutes per day equal to her witch level. At 5th level, she can share senses, as the spell, with her kings remnant instead. These need not be consecutive, but must be spent in one minute increments.
I like that witch Garrick. I think it could definitely do with some more powers for the actual king's remnant - not only because it doesn't currently do as much as the familiar the archetype gives up for it, but also because there's an awesome design space for some horrifyingly cool powers/abilities...
Some kinda spectral hand, or scare, or maybe it could imbue the witch with some SR or DR or intangibility, or even a fear affect added to some basic hexes. Anyway, seeing as wordcount is no longer really an issue outside of this thread, I'd love to see a more full version of this archetype.
And it has an awesome name too!
My only little quibble is the name of the Commune With Kings ability. I get why you'd call it that, but the application/circumstance (gaining knowledge via the king's remnant and/or the king's remnants ancestral lore) seems both kinda specific (former inhabitant of a ruined settlement)and not really tailored to information a king might have. At least, that's how it came across to me.
Mostly I think this is a fantastic archetype that could be even more awesome with a bit more content and development. ;)
Marshland Marauder (Rogue)
Marshland marauders are bandits and cutthroats that lurk in the swamps and forests of the River Kingdoms. They favor hit and run tactics, emphasizing hidden ambushes and sudden assaults.
Class Skills: A marshland marauder gains Knowledge nature and Survival as class skills and does not gain Knowledge dungeoneering and Sense Motive as class skills.
Stealthy Start (Ex): Beginning at 1st level, if the marshland marauder initiates combat while successfully using the Stealth skill to prevent her opponents from perceiving her, she may roll a Stealth skill check and use the results in place of her regular initiative roll.
This ability replaces Trapfinding.
Swamp Step (Ex): Beginning at 3rd level, the marshland marauder can ignore 5 feet of difficult terrain per round. This allows her to take a 5 foot step into difficult terrain. At 6th level, and every 3 levels thereafter, the marshland marauder can ignore an additional 5 feet of difficult terrain per round.
This ability replaces Trap Sense.
Overwhelm Quagmire (Ex): Beginning at 4th level, the marshland marauder retains her Dexterity bonus (if any) to AC when she uses the Acrobatics skill to cross narrow surfaces or uneven ground and when using the Climb skill. When using the Escape Artist skill to squeeze through a tight space, her AC is not penalized. She increases the number of rounds she can hold her breath by her class level.
This ability replaces Uncanny Dodge.
Improved Overwhelm Quagmire (Ex): Beginning at 8th level, the marshland marauder retains her Dexterity bonus (if any) to AC while entangled or grappled. She can use the Climb skill with only one hand free. She can use Escape Artist to squeeze through a tight space up to a distance equal to her speed as a full round action. She can use the Escape Artist skill to escape from a grapple or pin, net or an animate rope, command plants, control plants, or entangle spell as a move action. She gains a bonus on Constitution checks made to hold her breath equal to half her class level.
This ability replaces Improved Uncanny Dodge.
Rogue Talents: The following rogue talents complement the marshland marauder:
Camouflage, Fast Getaway, Fast Stealth, Hold Breath, Snap Shot, Strong Stroke, Surprise Attack, Terrain Mastery.
The following advanced talents complement the marshland marauder:
Hide in Plain Sight, Hunter’s Surprise, Stealthy Sniper.
Marshland Marauder (Rogue)
Marshland marauders are bandits and cutthroats that lurk in the swamps and forests of the River Kingdoms....
Nice one.
I really like Stealthy Start, but I'd give them a few more options re: what to do with it at higher levels - I know it becomes a bit of an unwieldy swap then, but still...
I really don't like Overwhelm Quagmire as a name. I think it's a great ability, (and the Improved version). Basically you get a few bonuses with Overwhelm Quagmire - no penalty to AC in tight places; holding your breath; and retain Dex bonus on uneven ground/narrow surfaces/climbing. Some of that is quagmire-y, some of it isn't.
Same again with Improved Overwhelm Quagmire.
Though I don't actually have any ideas for a better name...
Marshland Marauder (Rogue)
Marshland marauders are bandits and cutthroats that lurk in the swamps and forests of the River Kingdoms....Nice one.
I really like Stealthy Start, but I'd give them a few more options re: what to do with it at higher levels - I know it becomes a bit of an unwieldy swap then, but still...
I really don't like Overwhelm Quagmire as a name. I think it's a great ability, (and the Improved version). Basically you get a few bonuses with Overwhelm Quagmire - no penalty to AC in tight places; holding your breath; and retain Dex bonus on uneven ground/narrow surfaces/climbing. Some of that is quagmire-y, some of it isn't.
Same again with Improved Overwhelm Quagmire.
Though I don't actually have any ideas for a better name...
Yeah, the Quagmire stuff is kind of ugly, but the mechanics seem OK. It's supposed to represent traveling through twisted trees and swampy morasses and climbing up trees and crossing narrow fallen logs, etc. etc.
Vis-a-vis Stealthy Start, it kind of scales with level (if you maximize your ranks in Stealth), so eventually (at 20th level) you're getting a +23 to initiative! That seems retty good for a high level ability.... :-P
I like that witch Garrick...
Thank you so much for your feedback! I agree with you. It also occurred to me that it's fairly uncommon to find abandoned settlements in River Kingdoms because most dungeons you find are temples to evil gods rather than tombs. I may change Commune with Kings to "Ruined Communion" and have it work in accordance to that. I'll definitely keep working on this, then! Where should I post the revisions? I'm also working on another archetype that I wished I thought of earlier.
However, I do want to give back to this thread. So, I'll critique all of the archetypes here, going backwards from this post so the recent archetypes get some love.
Greenreaver (Alchemist)
Good: A "wild" alchemist that taps into the bestial aspects of his mutagen? I like it. Very strong theme with mechanics to support it and a tie-in to River Kingdoms.
Bad: Most greenreaver abilities don't actually trade any normal alchemist abilities. Most of them just give the ability for free or make an existing ability better (like Swift Alchemy). This is a big design pitfall that Sean advised against. Gaining druid spells may have some dangerous implications. You should have imposed some restrictions on what an alchemist can choose. I'm also not a big fan of losing Knowledge (Arcana).
Would I use this?: I like shapeshifting and I'm one of the few that thinks druid doesn't do it justice. So, yes, I can see myself using this.
River Freedom Protector (Ranger)
Good: I like the idea of a ranger that strives to protect the river freedoms with each freedom as ability names but...
Bad: The mechanics don't convey the theme. For the most part, this isn't a ranger that protects river freedoms -- this is a ranger that makes himself more resistant to effects. Even worse, he's giving up very powerful and iconic abilities like Wild Empathy and Favored Terrain in exchange for highly situational defensive bonuses.
I think you should have stuck with the theme rather than try to make a set of six abilities named after river freedoms. One of the top 32 did the same thing you did with a monk and it didn't quite pan out either.
Would I use this?: Definitely not, unfortunately. This ranger sacrifices so much for resistances I don't have much use for.
Dredger (Inquisitor)
Good: Nice description. I like Rally.
Bad: There's very little content in this archetype. I think you made your description too long. Your archetype is mostly just an inquisitor that gets resistance for free, an extra domain, and the ability to buff one ally's d20 roll once per day. There's also style errors as well. I know that's nitpicky, but it really hurts your credibility.
Would I use this?: I might look at this if I ever made an inquisitor, but probably not. It just doesn't jump out at me enough.
Desperado (Gunslinger)
Good: I like Reckless Gunfighter and Return Fire. Both of them are pretty cool abilities
Bad: Why do you have to waste both a grit point, an immediate action, and ALL OoAs for Return Fire? It doesn't make sense to have them lose their immediate action and ALL OoAs for the rest of the round. Just make it cost one grit point and one OoA and say you can only use the ability once per round.
I like the idea of Shoot 'Em Up, but it seems similar to Deadshot. You shouldn't say the gunslinger gets free action reloads with that because it's not standard to do such a thing. That combined with the fact you shoot an unlimited amount of targets makes this a very powerful ability -- I'd say more powerful than what you trade for it.
Luck of the Bold really should be granting a luck bonus to AC or something of the sort. Partial concealment doesn't make sense.
There's also several style errors. Ability names should always be undercase in ability descriptions.
Would I use this?: I could see myself using this, but more polish would definitely be preferred.
Kosslon Warleader (Cleric)
Good: A cleric that buffs a specific subdomain at the cost of spell slots? Okay, I guess that works. I suppose the mechanics are kind of cool.
Bad: Like you said, it doesn't really jump out or get anyone excited to play it. I'm not totally certain of the balance and I can't help but feel it would be better on an Oracle. It's also way too niche.
Would I use this?: I guess if I wanted that subdomain, I'd roll with it. But I doubt I'd want that subdomain.
Rookwarden Liberator (Alchemist)
Good: The star attraction of this archetype is Spellblight Bomb. I like the idea of infecting someone with a spellblight, which makes sense since it's a non-spellcaster up against potential spellcasters.
Bad: I don't know about a prestige class, but I do think there's not enough material. As it stands, it should have been a discovery (Spellblight Bomb). Aside from that, there's plenty of grammar and style errors, including misspelling spellblight, not capitalizing Craft (Alchemy), and others. You also broke one of Sean's 'rules' of not giving a straight trade for abilities. Alchemist loses Brew Potion for nothing.
Would I use this?: If it were a discovery, I'd love to take Spellblight Bomb. As it stands? No.
Eighth Arch (Summoner)
Good: Sevenarches is one of the more fascinating places in the River Kingdoms. I admire you attempting to draw from its lore.
Bad: For an archetype that references the fangs and eyes, I'm surprised there's only one ability that modifies a summon's senses and natural attacks. I can't comment on the balance except Gorgas Slayer doesn't seem to have any drawbacks. All it does is make an existing ability better.
Would I use this?: Sadly no. No only does this archetype not have much mojo, but it has no appeal to anyone not familiar with the lore. A good archetype should be appealing without campaign-specific tie-ins.
Doombreaker (Oracle)
Good: Interesting twist on an oracle. Oracles are usually about fulfilling a destiny or discovering one's potential. This archetype is about avoiding one's fate.
Bad: Being able to designate enemies allows it to be gamed, ruining the flavor of the archetype, which is its strongest asset. The abilities don't excite me. I would have made the curse more general, like making the curse revolve around being incredibly paranoid of being killed or mugged. That makes a lot more sense, has more flavor, and it's easier to create effects for it (i.e. you're always shakened in battle or when by yourself).
Would I use this?: Sadly no. The mechanics ruin the flavor, which is my favorite part of the oracle.
Witch of the Ruined King (Witch) - self assessment
Good: The theme is pretty interesting. It's fun to picture a witch preparing her spells and getting advice from something like a shrunken head or a necklace with the king's fingers on it.
Bad: It's basically a bladebound witch. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but you could have summarized the kings remnant by comparing it to a black blade. That would have reduced the wordcount so you can add more hexes. I surprised you did not think of better hexes than ones that mimic spells. There's also not enough benefits to the kings remnant over the familiar.
Would I use this?: Yes, but only for flavor.
Marshland Marauder (Rogue)
Good: A rogue that trades trapfinding for manueverability in the wilderness. I like this idea. It's one of the few trapfinding trades that I could see a player wanting if he's in a campaign with more wilderness than dungeons. Stealthy start is a pretty neat idea.
Bad: I could foresee some balance issues with Stealthy Start. This ability basically guarantees you to get two turns before the enemy acts since starting combat while stealthed grants you a surprise round. Also, what happens if the Stealth roll works against some opponents and not others? Does the rogue still get the benefit of this ability?
I'm also not crazy about Overcome Quagmire. You're giving up a pretty awesome ability (uncanny dodge) for a situational benefit.
Would I use this?: Maybe, depending on Stealthy Start eratta.
Here's pages 3 and 4.
As promised, I will get to all of these. Here are a few more. I was a little rough on some of these, but as a reminder, I still don't consider myself an expert on mechanics.
Page 2
Hmm, I'm intrigued right off the bat. Adding Aldori sword training to another class, which is what the name is making me expect, is a neat concept (and honestly by this point, I was really tired of water-themed archetypes).
Craven strike seems like a neat ability, though it seems far more limited than a regular sneak attack, since I have to do a lot more to set it up. I thought it was going to pair with the next ability, and it does, but not for a couple levels and even then, I still need to use a standard action to set it up.
It really comes into its own with Frustrate, which feels like it might be TOO powerful. Suddenly my foe's flatfooted? And provoking AoO whenever he attacks me? Which basically means I not only can make sneak attacks on my round (since he's flat footed, I don't even need flanking or anything), but also on his round.
I want to like this -- I think the core of the concept is really good -- but I'm not sure it holds up mechanically.
Unstuck resolve: Interesting way to incorporate movement and the Uringen unstuck concept into the character. Having it incorporate mind-affecting effects confused me a bit -- if my paladin is charmed and someone wants him to come with him, does it not affect him? I don't think that's what you meant to happen, but am not sure.
I'm not sure how frequent the ability would come up in play. It doesn't really in my games, but it could be more frequent in other ones. I think I'd be hard-pressed to say this was more useful than mercies, though I don't really play paladins, so am not a good judge.
Ageless sentry buries the lead. I was all ready to type it was a weak capstone when I read the resurrection ability. I'm pretty sure making it so the character simply can't stay dead isn't really a good design unless there's something there I'm missing.
Name gets me excited for a cool concept. Wyverns feel like they fit in the RK, though certainly can be found many other places. I do like your intro text a lot.
Looks like your adding class skills and a weapon proficiency without taking anything away, which is a power boost. Thematic, sure, but will it balance out later? Even if it does, that goes against Sean’s advice, since I could take a dip into this level.
Swapping out the challenge and order seems really strong to me. Considering you don’t actually get your wyvern until 8th level, that leaves you pretty generic until then. It also makes me wonder what the point of dragonlore is – I can treat dragons as suitable mounts at that point, but I don’t actually get one until 8th.
The gambits seems like a neat mechanic, but a DC 50? That’s huge, even at 9th level. I think I’d change this a lot, to have these be things I can do at certain levels. Otherwise, I get a situation where if I’m able to do bolt from the blue, I don’t even need to bother to role for swooping charge.
I like the idea, but I’m not sure the mechanics really work out for me, unfortunately.
Hmm, I think I like the idea of lend time and I could definitely see wanting to give up a feat for it. I think I’d have made the rounds/day dependent on level or Int (modifier+3?), but that’s nitpicking a bit.
Borrot time seems very powerful, but it is a 10th-level ability with some serious drawbacks if you’re doing a spell that could be high enough level to save your bacon. It’s certainly something I’d try to save as I went through my adventuring day.
Other-time aspect also works for me, I think. It gives him access to a new spell, but makes sense for the archetype. Does that make up for you basically saying he automatically casts it every day? I’m not sure. I think this is an area where it kind of makes thematic sense, but it effectively removes options from the player.
Still, in general, I think I like this one. It’s hard to work with the wizards – there’s not a lot to swap out – but this does it for me, even with the focus more on time-traveling than blinking (which Uringen is also a little vague about – it’s described as being unstuck in time, after all).
Another good name, IMO. The description text though is a little lackluster, I felt, though I can’t exactly say why it’s throwing me. The idea of focusing on knowledge, music and war seems a bit incongruous, I guess, and not particularly Uringen. When I think of warlike River Kingdoms, Pitax and Tymon, among others, come to mind first.
Bonus feats don’t seem all that exciting to me. Same with poet warrior’s abilities, though it’s a great name for an ability.
Unfortunately, this one just doesn’t work for me in total. The mechanics you’re adding just don’t really excite me much, but I think it’s the Uringen location that’s really off. I could see Poet Warriors (really like that name) much more in some of the other River Kingdoms and, if we’re talking Superstar, want much more of a swing for the fences with your abilities.
Steam bomb seems like a neat name. I don’t know if the tradeoff is strong enough for me to want the reduced damage, but in the right campaign, it could be worth it.
Deep sea mutagen certainly makes sense.
I like hard water, though. The poison use of an alchemist is one of my least personal favorite parts of the class, so this seems like a nice, flavorful power to replace it that I could find a variety of ways to use. I think the balance seems OK. This is probably more powerful than poison, but more limited in circumstances where you could use it.
I’m not sure how it’d measure up against some of the other really good alchemists from round 2, but I think it could have been in the running.
Unfortunately, this one just doesn’t do much for me, perhaps because you haven’t really finished it. I think the idea of a moonshine wizard could be neat, but it could also feel really silly. Actually, reminds me of Harry Dresden’s master from Jim Butcher’s “Dresden Files” series; that’s not bad, but I don’t know that it’d fit in many fantasy games (the idea’s growing on me a lot, though, as I think about it, so I may retract my silliness comment).
There’s no need to add a specific Craft skill, since they can pick any Craft skill they want already.
I think you just didn’t give me enough to feel different from the base class. Wizards are tough classes to do archetypes for, since there are limited things to swap out, but I think the Uringen Chronologist is a better example to follow.
OK, think that's all I can manage for the night. Start up again with Mikko's and then the Mechanist...
Thanks for the review of doombreaker oracle, Garrick. I have mixed feelings about it: I think it's too campaign-dependent to be publishable, but I have a soft spot for it as a homebrew for a DM and player that want to spin that particular story together. As written, the player chooses an enemy during character creation, but it's completely unclear whether the DM or player chooses who the next enemy is... good job, me. :P
The doombreaker is awkwardly halfway between a new curse and an archetype, in my opinion), but a straightforward paranoia curse would be easy to write up and wouldn't mesh with the cooperative abilities the doombreaker gets. So I think that would be something entirely separate, only sharing a little flavor.
I like the theme of the chnage of the bonus feats, but they don't excite me all that much. Quick Draw's also an interesting choice, considering many monks use unarmed combat.
The change in weapon proficiencies is interesting. Does this mean he can use those for flurries? It's not clear to me. Oh, there it is in the next line. (I never know whether to go through these things ability by ability or take them as a whole...) I'm glad to see you didn't make all the new weapons monk weapons, since I think that would've been a mistake.
Unbroken stride seems like a sort of Spring Attack, but I'm not sure I understand it. If I'm using an attack action while I'm moving, I'm only getting one attack, unless there's something I'm missing. So how does it work at higher levels where if I can attack and negate AoOs from multiple people. I feel like this is meant to add movement to flurry of blows, which is what you do with stream of strikes, and is a neat idea (and a perfect ability name!), but it doesn't work mechanically, unless I'm misunderstanding something.
Force of the current is interesting. I'm not sure I'd take it over increased damage dice, but I'd give it some thought. If I wanted a monk who used weapons, it'd certainly be more tempting.
Wow. That first sentence really *was* head hurting! : ) That said, I like the idea of a hidden knight. I'm envisioning some sort of rogue-cavalier hybrid, so let's see what it delivers.
Robber knight seems like an odd ability. I'm not sure why he has this, or what lets him get this spell-like ability. I was wondering if a later power would build on it, but it doesn't seem like it. With that name, I'm also more expecting something to let him make a steal attempt as part of a charge...
Trail-claimer I like, and I can see people really wanting. I think I might want some clarification; if I make a looping half-circle to go around a wall or some other obstacle, would that be good enough, even if I might be heading away from him at first? I feel like it should be, but isn't by these rules.
Covered Escutcheon: I'm assuming this is the ability you mention in your introduction to your archetype. Not crazy about the name; I'd have to look up escutcheon, and I consider myself to have a pretty good vocabulary (a shield or shieldlike surface on which a coat of arms is depicted). Not sure how many people would know what it means right off the top of their head.
I like the flavor of being able to convert this back to the normal banner abilities, though I don't know mechanically that it's a good choice.
Beyond that, I think it's a bit confusing. I've got escalating bonuses (which feel more like paladin abilities to me), that I can take an undefined action to give me an extra save. And I can convey these to an ally.
I think there's something that could be here but you're just not quite getting it IMO. Maybe something to play off the normal banner/order abilities more? To coincide with the symbol being covered up?
Ford-holder feels like it thematically flows well with trail claimer, which I like, but as a whole it just doesn't quite feel like it fits to a theme to me, unfortunately.
OK, I've been looking forward to looking at this one, as I played around with a Numerian summoner too (though had a very different take).
I like the name, though it doesn't tell me what the base class is; I figure out later it's a summoner.
I don't know how much I think this one works, though. An archetype is not the right place to add a monster template. I probably would have tried to play around with construct or clockwork templates already in the game instead.
Ignoring that for the moment, I feel like it's giving your eidolon a big leg up (it's a bit hard to tell as the table in the template is screwed up on my screen). You've taken away four powers in its place, which seems to go against SKR's advice. (Similarly, you give this archetype a skill without taking away one in return.)
You ran into a similar problem with the summons as I was having. I like the idea of just using the template for monsters that would otherwise have had another template, but again, just tweaking the summons list doesn't really feel very Superstar to me -- it's just going through the books and finding the right creatures at the right CR.
I think you had a really cool idea -- obviously, like I said, I had a similar one -- but I'm just not sure the execution works, unfortunately. (At least not on the merits I'm trying to judge on here; I wonder if it might not go over better in the Homebrew thread, where they might care less about whether it's the right place to introduce the template or not.)
OK, think that's it for tonight.
A quick response to people on the fence about whether the archetype round was the place to introduce a monster template. The answer is simple.
I don't know.
My decision to include the template was bound to be controversial, and I figured the judges were either going to rip me a new one for it, or commend me for fitting a properly formatted and flavored template into my archetype round submission.
I have a question for those one the fence about the inclusion of the template: If the judges wrote I DO recommend this submission advance would that affect your opinion of it one way or the other?
Would you vote for it based on the judge's recommendation as a tipping point?
Also, part of the point of the simple template is that it is useful outside of the archetype. The quick and rebuilt rules are the same, so it lets you throw a mecha-dinosaur or a giant robot into your game by applying it to a dinosaur or a giant. It also lets you add some weird encounters to adventures in Axis.
I have a question for those one the fence about the inclusion of the template: If the judges wrote I DO recommend this submission advance would that affect your opinion of it one way or the other?
Would you vote for it based on the judge's recommendation as a tipping point?
I will answer these in general to all contestants...but please bear in mind these are my answers and not necessarily the feelings of everyone who votes.
The first question, No, not unless it contravenes an explicit ruling to not use them - as it wasn't explicitly ruled out, I viewed it as you trying to stand out and be different and to introduce something new to the round. That got you some head nodding from me.
The second point. It's hard to not take that into account, after all they are both the experts and also know far better than I what to look for in a contestant. That said, it is not the over-riding decision maker for me. I look at your whole run up to and including the current round. A miss-step in any round does not automatically prevent you from acquiring my vote.
I understand every designer has their strengths and weaknesses, so I try to look at the whole picture. Are you a designer who is improving, providing interesting ideas that I enjoy? Would I look for your name on future products? Would that be a dissuading or persuading factor to buy that item? Is your style one that I enjoy? Do I get you and what you are aiming for?
So for me, it's the whole package, anyone can do a perfect template with practice, anyone is able to complete an assignment or challenge competently given the guidance available if they work at it and do their research. It's very easy to make a competent, useful but not spangly item, archetype, encounter, etc. I should know, I have achieved that this year.
So I am looking for the designer who's products I want to buy and play. Appeal to the gamer in me (and not the designer) and you have won the battle for my vote. I am looking for the inspiration, not the execution. Inspire me every round, and my wallet starts to open.
Archomedes -- if the judges were all fine with it, I'd probably be fine with it too. I'm trying to do my judging based on what I think they would be looking at (though like Anthony, I certainly think they know far better than I), which is part of why I suggested seeing what the Homebrew community thought. I think the standards are slightly different in terms of what both groups may be looking for.
It still would have the awkward formatting, though, which is a problem on the message boards and it's hard NOT to judge against that, even if that's not really fair. (I remember there was one Wondrous Item that tried to do a similar chart and it completely misaligned, probably dooming it even if it had otherwise been perfect.)
That said, I think my criticism about it feeling a lot like just a list of monster replacements still is a mark against it. That was the big change you made IMO, along with introducing the template, and that just wasn't big enough (again IMO) to be excited about the archetype as something new. I felt more like the design choices were more about creating the template than the archetype itself.
For me, my initial instinct was to have everything on the summons list given construct traits, though I soon abandoned that as really unwieldy (and not working with the fluff I was using, to boot), so I know it was a difficult area to play around in. I certainly commend your effort, it just was a swing and a miss for me.
I have a question for those one the fence about the inclusion of the template: If the judges wrote I DO recommend this submission advance would that affect your opinion of it one way or the other? Would you vote for it based on the judge's recommendation as a tipping point?
personally it would not have made a difference for me. i know the judges have valuable insights into the 'designer behind the design', but it seems to me like sometimes they neglect the product in favor of that... personally i don't want people with cool ideas but insufficient rules knowledge putting together products that i might potentially buy. that's how you end up the 3.X wasteland of power-creep and confusing (occasionally contradictory) rules interactions. i have felt free when critiquing the contestants work to publicly (though respectfully) disagree with the judges about some of their suggestions. in your particular case- i would not have voted against it just because you included a template (when normally there would be a reference in the archetype to a template presented in a more appropriate place), but there were other reasons that would have kept me from voting for it (too sci-fi, giant robotish; not enough beyond the template; overall execusion could have been better...)
Also, part of the point of the simple template is that it is useful outside of the archetype. The quick and rebuilt rules are the same, so it lets you throw a mecha-dinosaur or a giant robot into your game by applying it to a dinosaur or a giant.
this was actually a negative for me... it's one thing to have an archetype that for some specific reason can do clockwork/robots, but to open up the road for any random encounter to involve a cavalier on a robot horse or a clockwork dragon totally changes (for many, breaks...) the feel of the campaign world (though the clockwork dragon encounter would probably be super awesome in the right context).
ps- if you want to make a summoner similar to this under the existing rules, the "resolute" template is the Lawful version of "celestial" or "fiendish"- you could apply that to your summoned creatures (instead of celestial or fiendish) and have them look like inevitable versions of the base creature. you could also talk to the GM about adding or substituting actual inevitables to the summon monster lists where angels or demons of the same CR normally appear. (and, if anyone from Paizo is reading this, why hasn't that ever been done before?) you control what your eidolon looks like- so, you can already make it look clockwork/robotish, just pick appropriate evolutions to reinforce that.
I have a question for those one the fence about the inclusion of the template: If the judges wrote I DO recommend this submission advance would that affect your opinion of it one way or the other?
Would you vote for it based on the judge's recommendation as a tipping point?
I look at the reasons Judges recommend things. If I don't agree with their reasons, I tend to have a different opinion. There were several archetypes they recommended because it had a cool idea, but I felt the serious flaws they overlooked indicated the person did not put enough effort or research into it. None of us are professional game designers so our entries are bound to have flaws, some of them pretty significant. However, if those flaws make the class unplayable, that indicates a designer that did not iterate enough or put enough serious thought. To me, that indicates a lack of effort.
This is also why I have "Would I use this?" as criteria in my reviews. To me, this is really important. If I say "Yes," that indicates an archetype that looks fun to play despite its flaws. If I say "No," that indicates an archetype that's either uninspired and/or has so many mechanical flaws that it distracts from what makes the archetype interesting. I think this criteria also reflects published work as well. There are several archetypes that are solid but very boring. Then there are archetypes like the Spellslinger that have significant flaws, but fun enough for players to still use them.
As for your entry, I would not vote against your archetype because it used a monster template. I don't think it broke any rules and it's pretty creative. Your archetype is on my to-review list.
@garrick and (one of the) Jacob(s),
i like that you guys are going opposite directions through the list... its like a race to see who reviews my archetype first :)
@cheapy,
i'm really impressed by the depth of your reviews. who do i need to stab to get one of those?
Thomas LeBlanc.
sorry thomas.
let's see... 9th level cleric, masterwork bastard sword (Anduril), 16 str, i'll cast divine favor first...
what's your AC?
edit: nice! unless you're wearing heavy armor while using the computer, i like my odds :)
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sorry thomas.
let's see... 9th level cleric, masterwork bastard sword (Anduril), 16 str, i'll cast divine favor first...
1d20+13
what's your AC?edit: nice! unless you're wearing heavy armor while using the computer, i like my odds :)
I have the monk AC bonus class feature {6th level = +1}, high Dex {+2} & Wis {+4}, bracers or armor +2, amulet of natural armor +1, ring of deflection +1, Dodge, Combat Expertise, a nine-section whip with which I fight defensively, and 5 ranks in Acrobatics.
AC = 28
sorry thomas.
let's see... 9th level cleric, masterwork bastard sword (Anduril), 16 str, i'll cast divine favor first...
1d20+13
what's your AC?edit: nice! unless you're wearing heavy armor while using the computer, i like my odds :)
I have the monk AC bonus class feature {6th level = +1}, high Dex {+2} & Wis {+4}, bracers or armor +2, amulet of natural armor +1, ring of deflection +1, Dodge, Combat Expertise, a nine-section whip with which I fight defensively, and 5 ranks in Acrobatics.
AC = 28
He wasn't expecting the attack, so that makes +2 to your 26 = sorry Thomas, looks like he rolls for damage :P
lol, are you actually wearing bracers, an amulet, and a ring right now? i'm really sitting arms reach from Anduril (Aragorn's sword, from Return of the King), which I didn't count as magical...
edit: i think its funny that i tried to call you out on most likely not actually having bracers on right now but didn't bother to ask if you really had a nine-section whip with you.
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lol, are you actually wearing bracers, an amulet, and a ring right now? i'm really sitting arms reach from Anduril (Aragorn's sword, from Return of the King)which I didn't count as magical...
Oh, in that case I have a nice piece of real steel to sunder your little prop with.
edit: I do have a nine-section whip. Just a crappy practice one though.
fair is fair, though- i missed...
fortunately my BAB is high enough to iterate; that's -5 to hit, but i'll use my lesser quicken rod to kick off True Strike first (i have the luck domain):
vs. AC 28...
edit: victory is mine! (you already used crane wing against Cheapy this round so you can't use it now... we all saw it, right?)
You gotta roll damage ...
@thomas, for an in-depth review of my archetype i shall gladly stab someone else on your behalf :)
oh, and sorry about the damage... let me put a cure moderate wounds on it:
ps- who said anything about a replica? this is Anduril, discovered carefully preserved along with the Red Book of Westmarch
You gotta roll damage ...
And then we can discover the extent of Thomas' DR :P
edit: Dang my old man initiative rolls, beaten by the damage post >.<
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fair is fair, though- i missed...
fortunately my BAB is high enough to iterate; that's -5 to hit, but i'll use my lesser quicken rod to kick off True Strike first (i have the luck domain):
1d20+28
vs. AC 28...edit: victory is mine! (you already used crane wing against Cheapy this round so you can't use it now... we all saw it, right?)
You forgot to cast defensively and would have drawn AoOs. And if you have a sword in one hand and a rod in another, you don't have a hand free manipulate a focus to cast true strike. Sorry, your spell fails...
edit: I never said I was a monk.
Take yer AoO and lop his arms off! ^____^
Praise is splendiferous, but criticism is advantageous.
Freeman (Ranger)
Say What You Will: The name kind of clashes with what it does, in my opinion. It's replacing a number of underused abilities with something that will affect only 16 spells. Also, not all language-dependent effects are mind-affecting. Strange but true. Removing mind-affecting will increase the total to 29, but doesn't really open it up to any spells you really want to make the save against. I'm not going to try and count the non-spell versions, but I'm guessing there's more.
It also doesn't touch upon the tracking aspects of Quarry, which I would expect would be gone due to removing everything else related to tracking.
Also, don't put the descriptors in brackets. I can't recall any examples of that in other archetypes.
Overall, I'm not sure if this is a fair trade, but that's partially due to not knowing which abilities monsters have that are language-dependent and mind-affecting. Since track and wild empathy aren't used too often (and wild empathy is probably going to fail anyways), I think it's overall stronger.
Oathbreakers Must Die: It was fairly smart to have the gradual widening of who this works against, as otherwise it could get pretty crazy. I think it's really niche though, and at the same time could be easy to game. Witnessing someone breaking an oath seems like it'd be pretty rare unless it's magically coerced and you're nearby. So effectively, your favored enemy replacement doesn't really do much until level 10, and at that point it's really left in the hands of the GM for if it's reliable evidence or not. What if the rogue forges something very well so that it looks reliable and the oathbreaker doesn't know? It's a novel ability and explores a not-very-well-trodden design-path, but I think it ultimately trips over a branch and falls into a mud puddle. If I had to say what it says about the designer, I'd say that it shows they're willing to try and do unique things, but they aren't quite there yet for actualizing their ideas in a balanced way.
Walk Any Road: Makes sense. Liberation is a pretty strong power. If the judges commented on it, Sean would've panned it for just giving the archetype an ability from another class. I can see why you did this (druids get a choice of animal companion vs domain), and not getting a domain spell slot really helps with the balance issues. Pity that the 4th level spell is one they get already.
Courts are for Kings: Alignment-based spells or effects is pretty vague and will cause arguments at the table, I fear. The spell part makes sense due to alignment descriptors, but I'm drawing blanks on "lawful effect" or "chaotic effect" examples in the game. The loss of woodland stride is a bit weird given Walk Any Road for one of two reasons. Right now I'm trying to figure out if Liberation affects non-magical abilities, because I think it can be read both ways. If it can overcome that, then the loss of Woodland Stride is mostly meaningless in most cases (unless you spend more than 4 rounds in bad terrain, which I think is fairly rare). If it can't, then you being slowed down by underbrush as a ranger who is local to the river kingdoms but able to go through magical impediments just fine is weird and I don't like it. I'm assuming it can overcome non-magical impediments though, so it's not the best replacement. An interesting ability though.
Slavery Is An Abomination: No square brackets over descriptors, and capitalize Will save. Amusingly enough, this ability lets me end Enlarge Person, Fly, Haste, and a bunch more spells. What I'm trying to say is that you should add a kicker about doing this for transmutation spells that allows a save to resist and isn't (harmless). That would fix up that hole quite well. It's weird that this spell-like ability uses a level check rather than a caster level check. Seems like it's just to get those extra 3 points. And what happens if it's an effect that doesn't have a caster level? Like a monster's (Su) that is a compulsion or transmutation effect.
You Have What You Hold: A bit little a bit late.
I think if this had hit the top 32, I would not have voted for it. Partially due to the glut of archetypes with the river freedoms theme, but mostly due to not really liking Oathbreakers Must Die. Replacing favored enemy with that is clever, but it just doesn't work out so well in (theoretical) practice IMO. I think that taking the theme really constricted your options. If I could take companion bond to share oathbreakers must die, that'd be nice. Get my party in on the oathbreaker beatings.
I think inquisitor could've been a better base for this though.
my sword is my divine focus (most swords of the christian era in europe have straight guards specifically to make them cross-shaped, and they did serve as holy symbols, of sorts, for devout soldiers and knights; since my sword falls into that category, and the cross is my holy symbol, i'm all set).
i figured that since we're all experienced players here it would be assumed that i cast on the defensive... i suppose i still owe you a roll though:
edit: DCs only 17, so that's success (though, not by as much as i'd hoped/expected).
Praise is great, but criticism helps you grow.
Class Skills: Makes sense.
River Pirates' Bane: Replacing a Mostly Useless ability with bonuses to hit against enemies that...the ranger...the GM...I'm not sure who actually, deems to be committing piracy. I'm not generally a fan of abilities that require GM adjudication for things like if it's actually piracy here, or if it's war, or if it's actually legal here and you just didn't realize you changed boundaries of a kingdom. Overall, I find this much stronger than wild empathy. Partially due to how weak wild empathy is.
Water is Life: What? How? How does this happen? I'm so confused. Water breathing is meant to be a 5th level ability, and this goes against that. (This, incidentally, was one of Sean's bits O' Advice.) It also replaces another Mostly Useless ability with one that's quite strong in certain situations. Despite not being able to sleep in armor sucking ab it, I think (Ex) water breathing beats that. Gills though? Yech.
Misty Vapors: I believe the standard method of saying (as the spell) is surrounded by commas. It can move up to the mistwalker's running speed over water, as opposed to the normal hardcap of 10'? A nifty enough idea, and the faster move speed over water is a nice touch, but swift tracker really isn't so good as to warrant replacing it with a twice-per-day SLA of a useful spell.
Water Top Dancer: A nice touch for water walking. I like it. Evasion is a nice enough ability, and this is probably an OK swap.
Waterfall Surge: Automatic Surprise? Does he automatically go first? What if the enemy was able to see them anyways? The ability says it renders them invisible. So See Invisibility would work, but it's still just a puddle of water, which is weird. I think it would've worked out better if you had used the Stealth rules for this, but still breaking the water form. Still a bit weird, although I'm not doing the best at articulating why.
One with the Flow: Liquid Tree Stride! Can I do this onto ships? I like this ability though. Pretty cool idea.
I like this better than most ranger archetypes, although I don't think I'd ever take it. I think there are some issues you have with balancing ability swaps, so that's something you could work on for 9 Blazing Months. Ability names are good though, and formatting is mostly correct (as I would expect!)
Praise is great, but criticism helps you grow.
Cheers, all duly noted. In answer to the bit you liked, yes, if the surface of the deck of a ship is within 10 feet of the water surface, you can burst out onto the deck :)
cheapy,
thanks for the feedback. i always worry that commenting on critiques will seem defensive, or like i'm trying to convince the critique-er that my product is more awesome than they realized... that's not my intention, but here are some responses in case you (or anyone else) is curious about any design decisions i made.
say what you will- the full name of the freedom continues, "i live free" and has the sense of 'talk is cheap' so it seemed appropriate to be an ability that protects against language dependent effects. i guess mind affecting was unnecessary (this was my first draft, and i hadn't looked up whether or not there even were any language dependent effects that weren't mind affecting). i only wrote the first half of the freedom for this cause i was lazy- i should have written the whole title cause it makes the power make more sense.
oathbreakers must die- the low level ability does seem like it wouldn't be used very often in a typical campaign but i suspect that if someone was using this archetype they'd ask for more oaths (from employers, enemies seeking truce/mercy, people trying to convince him of the truth of something, etc), so it'd probably see more use. i recognize that a forgery could earn this benefit against someone who doesn't (necessarily) deserve it- but short of a supernatural ability to perfectly detect oathbreakers, i think that's an unavoidable opportunity. of course, if the ranger asks the forger for his word the evidence is good they'll quickly find themselves at odds if the exploit continues (like, as soon as its discovered that the rogue is breaking his word...).
courts are for kings- for alignment based effects, i was thinking about things like wielding an axiomatic or anarchic weapon, triggering traps
that are alignment dependent (i think you can still do that, right?), and things like that. if i had done a second draft i definitely would have tried to clarify that. i also interpret Liberation to apply to mundane hindrances as well.
Slavery Is An Abomination- i used a level check instead of caster level because this was a first draft i hadn't looked up whether you could stack this with the (or maybe even 'one of the') archetype(s) that give up spellcasting (as caster level with it).
thanks!
Ok, that Slavery is an Abomination reason makes a lot of sense. There are so few archetypes that replace spells that it didn't cross my mind. Although now that you brought it up, I am reminded of this rule:
From here, just search for "spell-like ability"
If no caster level is specified, the caster level is equal to the creature's Hit Dice.
Which I guess your ability emulated. I'll assume that You Meant To Do That. :)
I think it also defaults to adding Charisma if necessary, but that may be one of those unwritten rules.
Obviously you're missing all the polish, as you note.
I like the idea of a mark, but it needs some more mechanics. What type of effect is it? Can I get rid of it someway and if so, how? You give a duration for how long it lasts after the abilities take effect, but it seems like most of them would take effect right away. If not, what type of action is it to activate them?
Sliding Step is interesting. Not quite sure what I think about it, though it feels like it's more powerful than high jump. I feel like it could be TOO powerful. Consider I could summon some ally and place him on the far sides of my enemies' line. He takes an AoO and I can suddenly move all the way there without suffering any AoOs myself? That doesn't seem right to me.
Spellbound mark seems like something that could also be broken, basically letting my allies get use of all my personal range spells, which I think are a lot of paladin spells (though I don't play them often, so maybe my impressions there are wrong).
I think you may have tried to do too much here. I like the idea of creating the searing mark and its effects to replace stunning fist, but the rest just doesn't quite feel like a cohesive whole to me. Maybe I'd get it more with some flavor text, but as is I don't. And I certainly don't see how this is tying into the River Kingdoms.
I think it was probably good advoce to avoid gunslinger. Just not quite popular enough of a class, and they definitely didn't feel very River Kingdoms-y to me.
I see what you mean about Break Broncs. I like the idea -- I played around with a cavalier that wasn't tied to a specific mount -- but at the same time, I think I'd pretty much see having a trained mount as mandatory if I were playing this class. I think I might have tried to do something else entirely (giving it some feat? letting it get one attempt to negate damage as if using Mounted Combat itself?), though I can see how you were trying to make it work with roping.
I like unmounting shot a lot. It's of limited use, but I think it's my favorite of the three deeds.
Roping seems odd, adding in the lariat rules here. It feels similar to what Archomedes did in adding in his template in his; not quite the right place for it, IMO. I might more have said he can take a standard rope and use it to make ranged grapple attacks/use it as a whip?
Anthony, you've already heard my feedback on yours. : )
Yup. This was crowded territory.
Say what you will doesn't need the brackets. It's also just not that exciting a power, though it could be useful. Should probably also indicate half their Freeman level.
Lots of discussion in the Top 32 of the issues with Oathbreakers Must Die. It's a very arbitrary decision on whether a character's an oathbreaker. I just don't see it being that useful in gaming terms.
I think my favorite two here are the courts are for kings and slavery is an abomination powers, as they feel like something new, which is what I wanted.
CafK probably needs a little more clarity -- obviously it means smite chaos wouldn't work against him, but if someone's casting detect law on him, would he show up as neutral if his aura would be overwhelming enough to stun the viewer?
SiaA seems fun. I thought it was going to be a kind of banish against summoned creatures, which I'd have liked to see, but this works too.
OK, hope to get the rest done tomorrow night, but no promises.
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **...
Feel free to post any of it here that you think would benefit others. I would do myself but have a 3pp review to finish up, so am pretty busy right now - s'why I have been so quiet the last couple of weeks :)
Backwater Builder (Universalist):
Unfortunately, this one just doesn’t do much for me, perhaps because you haven’t really finished it. I think the idea of a moonshine wizard could be neat, but it could also feel really silly. Actually, reminds me of Harry Dresden’s master from Jim Butcher’s “Dresden Files” series; that’s not bad, but I don’t know that it’d fit in many fantasy games (the idea’s growing on me a lot, though, as I think about it, so I may retract my silliness comment).
There’s no need to add a specific Craft skill, since they can pick any Craft skill they want already.
I think you just didn’t give me enough to feel different from the base class. Wizards are tough classes to do archetypes for, since there are limited things to swap out, but I think the Uringen Chronologist is a better example to follow.
Thanks for that Jacob. I've never read the Dresden books so, unfortunately, I labored under the idea my Backwater Builder was original.
It wasn't supposed to focus on the moonshine as much as it was to later focus on cheap, crazy golems that spewed flaming moonshine. I got the idea from a visit to my parents' house and they had NASCAR on. I thought, what about a redneck wizard that like to build stuff.
Before we new it was a class archetype, I was leaning toward a racial archetype withe the Backwater Gnome.
Well, there is always next year. And thanks again.
Uncrowned King- i like this better than your witch, and i don't say that lightly because i'm always very skeptical when people mess with the paladin's code. i like that you got rid of smite, and (for the most part) i like what you replaced it with. i think it would have been better if you'd been more specific about using the domain powers, though... can she use the same power more than once per day? what if it's normally only usable once per day? i suspect some of this has to do with wordcount. honestly, i think you should have dropped some of the other changes (like first follower, which seemed unnecessary to me) to free up words. you should maybe have the power allow them to pick one domain and just gain all the domain powers as normal (sort of like the inquisitor ability), but requiring the symbol as a divine focus. i really like how you worked divine bond. royal decree is probably too powerful but its hard to compare it fairly since gaining no power at all at 20th level is better than the actual paladin capstone.
Getting back to this...
Thanks for the comments, first of all.
Word count was definitely killing me on this one, otherwise I might've tried to be clearer on the domain powers.
First follower was two-part. One was I was trying to give the feel of them getting followers, which I think was important, and trying to show awareness of newer elements that Paizo's introducing (a la the squires, in this case). Also, I felt like since the uncrowned king didn't have to be good -- and I love the idea of an evil orc uncrowned king as a bad guy/recurring villain... -- channel positive energy had to be changed. I could've handled it like I handled the spells, basing positive/negative on the alignment, but that just seemed rather dull to me. Maybe it would've been worth it to free up words, but I think that may actually have taken more words than just replacing it with the Squire feat.
You're right that my capstone's probably more powerful. It felt thematically appropriate but perhaps I took it a little too far. Doing it 3+Cha modifier times per day would be smarter.