I saw a “news report” about a Tesla that crashed into a fire truck. The “authorities” are claiming the vehicle was on autopilot, but I know the truth!
This is yet another attempt by our future AI Overlords to test our society for weaknesses. They want to see how easy it might be to cripple our emergency services.
Pro Football player Nasir Adderley supposedly announced his retirement at the age of 25 supposedly to “prioritize his health”. In truth, he’s simply preparing to return to his home dimension, bringing back valuable intel he’s gathered to help prepare for an invasion.
There’s a recent news article claiming Yosemite National Park was being closed indefinitely due to “extreme weather”.
A LIE!!!
The truth is, the Sasquatch have set up a portal to their home dimension within the park. They’re using the area as a staging ground for their imminent invasion.
Of course, Wichita is the home dimension of the Sasquatch.
Say: “Wichita Sasquatch” out loud and you’ll understand why.| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Flat Bigfoot Theory: he's never been caught on camera because he can turn 90 degrees and become too thin to see.
he truth is, the Sasquatch have set up a portal to their home dimension within the park. They’re using the area as a staging ground for their imminent invasion.Nah, they're using it as a staging ground for their evacuation. They want to be sure they get everyone out before ** spoiler omitted **
ChatGPT is actually just Herbert Duesendorf, of Rogersville, Missouri. He runs the entire operation out of his basement.
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A new study claims ChatGPT can give better medical advice than doctors. I’m sure it has….”detailed files on human anatomy.”
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There was a report of a meteorite crashing into a home in New Jersey. I’d say it’s either a probe of some kind, or a test run on an alien meteor attack.
The internet was slow!!!
AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! THE AI IS TAKING OVER!!!
Pat Sajak didn’t actually want to retire from Wheel of Fortune. He was forced to because the equipment preventing him from being pulled back to his home dimension is breaking down, and no one is left who can fix it.
Sargassum seaweed clears away but could still create problems for south Florida beachgoers
It “cleared away” for now, but only so it could report back to its masters with the information it’s gathered.
Strange objects on ocean floor may be UFO crash debris: Harvard professor
Of course they’ve been here for awhile. It’s just the Government/Infotainment Complex (working with the Rockerfellers) keeping things quiet!
Octopuses Have Remarkably Similar Sleep Patterns to Humans–and May Even Dream
Of course they dream.
DREAM OF THE DAY THEY RISE UP FROM THE BRINY DEEP AND CONQUER THE EARTH!!!
I saw a news article proclaiming it was Tom Cruise’s Birthday. I know the truth, however!
This is actually just the day he arrived from Planet Aindbfjr!
Remember that one day? Down by the river?
No?
Enough said.
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Octopuses Have Remarkably Similar Sleep Patterns to Humans–and May Even Dream
Of course they dream.
DREAM OF THE DAY THEY RISE UP FROM THE BRINY DEEP AND CONQUER THE EARTH!!!
*dreams*
I keep hearing these stories about “smoke” from “wildfires” invading the northern USA from Canada.
Invasion is the correct term. What everyone thinks of as smoke are actually sentient gas monsters from a hell dimension. The “wildfires” are actually elaborate summoning rituals performed by the mystical branch of the Canadian military.
“Accident”? Or deliberate sabotage by Maenads in order to encourage the revival of the cult of Bacchus?
I heard there was a big recall on a certain type of blender because of “accidents”. Don’t be fooled.
The AIs are starting to use our home appliances to target us. They’re even using their control of the government to force more electric products onto us. Because electric means computer controlled!!!!!
So insidious!
India police deny presence of a leopard at PM's swearing-in
Of course, they deny it! They don't want the world to know their political officials are guarded by a secret order of monks who can shapeshift into leopards.
Spiky creatures wash up on Texas beach, described as 'your worst nightmares’
Oh, sure! Like anything of the sort could come to being in THIS dimension.
Mystery chickens found wandering loose in Wisconsin neighborhood
"Mystery Chickens"! Sure, right.
More likely, they're cleverly disguised mech units for very tiny alien spies.
Suspected meteor lights up the early morning sky over Australia
Sure. "Meteors".
More likely it's spies from Arcturus 9 or the rings of Saturn, come to take stock of our meager planetary defenses.
Mysterious white blobs washing up on Newfoundland beaches
Probably techno-organic probes from Alantis.
CANADIANS TOOK OUR BLOBS!
*Strikes villainous pose, hands on hips, maple-leaf cape swirling dramatically.* “They laughed! They said it couldn’t be done! They said it was too cold! Leave it to the Greeks? No, behold CANADIAN Fire!”
I saw a news item about black blobs being washed up in Australia. Of course, there’s no connection…
Authorities Warn Residents Away After 43 Monkeys Escape South Carolina Research Center
Escape? Or were they let loose?!?
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Heh, heh, heh...
Heh, heh, heh...
In a completely unrelated point, we gremlins never got paid for the "job"...
...we did for you a little while back...
...unless you count a mountain of banana daiquiris we got...
Dua Lipa Cancels Concert On Short Notice Due To Safety Concerns
Cancelled for "safety concerns". Yeah, right. More likely she was summoned back to her home dimension to deal with some issue there.
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Authorities Warn Residents Away After 43 Monkeys Escape South Carolina Research Center
Escape? Or were they let loose?!?
Coincidentally (NOT!), 43 people worked at that facility (not all of them researchers, even the custodial staff was affected!) and they've all been quarantined. But the authorities 'quarantining' them have brought in truckloads of bananas and an expert from the local zoo in animal care.
Rumors that the escaped monkeys switched minds with the staff, and have the intelligence of human beings (and the staff have been quarantined to hide that they now act like the monkeys they think they are), is, of course, crazytalk.
Rumors like that could also get one quarantined.
"Drones"!
Yeah, right. I know the spacecraft of an invader from Planet X342Beta when I see one.