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I hope all goes well for you Cindy.
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* big fluffy bear hugs to all *
Good morning, everyone. Stay awesome.
*waves to folks, awkwardly shares hugs because not a good 'huggy' sort*
Yesterday at work the conversation shifted to a discussion about the live-action Beauty and the Beast movie because the manager saw it with her kid, and she was like "Meh, it's the cartoon, done with people. Nothing spectacular. The supposed 'gay' scene wasn't even a thing."
That wasn't the concern, though.
One of the managers who up until that point I'd had respect for said some very *disturbing* things about gay people that left me feeling nearly nauseous.
As this is a manager that up until that point I'd had respect for, it really shoved the spoon into the heart and gave it a spin or two.
How does one speak up during this sort of situation without causing serious problems at the workplace, without endangering employment or alienating one's superiors?
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I always challenge them, but I remain respectful. I have only had to make it clear that HR would be getting involved if it continues once. Most people don't want to rock the boat especially at work. As long as you remain respectful you should be able to challenge them.
The other option is to say that you think that the workplace is not the appropriate place for these conversations. I have had to do that with politics and religion at work. We had a relief pharmacist come in who not only voted for Trump (his vote, his choice), but felt that it was his place to criticize those who didn't. He is an immigrant from Egypt who is Christian. The assistant I work with is from Afghanistan and Muslim who is here as a refugee and has done far more than almost anyone I know to be here. He fought alongside our soldiers and put his family at great risk. I have far more respect for him than many others because of that. I felt that the best way to support and protect him was to make it clear that politics and religion were not going to be acceptable topics if we were going to be criticizing others with it.
I am not the boss. Heck, I'm the new guy at work. I will also fight to make sure that work is not a hostile place for anyone.
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Rysky, I don't say this because I'm not really the kind of person who remembers to say nice things when I'm supposed to. You are one of the sweetest people I have encountered. Please never stop being so wonderful no matter what happens.
I only add the smallest drop of Rysky to morning tea to avoid things getting too sweet.
I always challenge them, but I remain respectful. I have only had to make it clear that HR would be getting involved if it continues once. Most people don't want to rock the boat especially at work. As long as you remain respectful you should be able to challenge them.
The other option is to say that you think that the workplace is not the appropriate place for these conversations. I have had to do that with politics and religion at work. We had a relief pharmacist come in who not only voted for Trump (his vote, his choice), but felt that it was his place to criticize those who didn't. He is an immigrant from Egypt who is Christian. The assistant I work with is from Afghanistan and Muslim who is here as a refugee and has done far more than almost anyone I know to be here. He fought alongside our soldiers and put his family at great risk. I have far more respect for him than many others because of that. I felt that the best way to support and protect him was to make it clear that politics and religion were not going to be acceptable topics if we were going to be criticizing others with it.
I am not the boss. Heck, I'm the new guy at work. I will also fight to make sure that work is not a hostile place for anyone.
this
The what now?
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Good morning all you wonderful people.
* big fluffy bear hugs to all *
The Ringed City!
is there a great chest ahead?
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-_-The Ringed City!is there a great chest ahead?
^_^
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*Coyzying up the place with warmth and brightness for hugs, smiles, talk, companionship and tea*
*Should anybody wonder how caffeine would work on a fire, now would be a good day to try...*
:-(
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Dangit, John, you made Campfire Elemental sad.
* tosses some caffeine onto Campfire Elemental anyway *
For science!
Whooooooooooooo!
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Meh, Tuesday,oh wait, THE RINGED CITY DLC COMES OUT TODAY!
BEST TUESDAY EVAH!
*hugs*
That does look fun. Well enjoy yourself...just make sure you come back to give us hugs...we would be lost without those.
Dangit, John, you made Campfire Elemental sad.
* tosses some caffeine onto Campfire Elemental anyway *
For science!
But I though science said it was a bad idea?
So this weekend may be a bust for my original plans.
Trip 1: Visit friends and their family: husband was in car accident this morning. I know that he's at home, but he's pretty shaken up and I don't know much else yet. I am thinking that if they don't cancel, I will just so that they can focus on healing.
Trip 2: Visit Cousin: Cousin's daughter was almost 8 months pregnant and the fetus didn't make it. It was stillborn this morning. She's staying with my cousin for the weekend and has asked for no visitors. I completely understand. The good news is that the preteen was told about me and that it's not something that the rest of the family needs to know about. He said that he's not worried about accidentally talking to the family. He's more worried about using the proper names!
Trip 3: Visit next friend: She has really bad depression and I have been trying so very hard to get her to agree to have a visitor. It's taken almost a year to get her to agree to have someone visit and now she's isolating and her fiancee has told me that she is so stressed that I'm trying to visit that she's falling deeper. Over the last year I have lost over 125 pounds and she's gained about that much. She said that she doesn't want to see me as a pretty woman next to her as an ugly one.
I'm more worried about Trip 3. She has been in a very dark place for far too long.
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@Cindy: I hate when my plans go awry...
Though I would go on the Trip 1...seeing injured friends can be a good thing to help them and the people who are caring for them.
I wish I could give a suggestion about how to help your depressed friend...but I have no idea except to suggest she gets professional help.
Also I am looking to loose weight...so how did you loose 125 pounds? What is your secret?
Friend 1 still wants me to visit, but I don't think that they understand how much pain he's going to be in over the next few days. I'm going to play this one by ear.
Depressed friend is having such a hard time finding professional help. The area she lives in doesn't have a lot of decent doctors who take Medicaid. She needs a lot of help. Without going into a ton of details, she has virtually no trust in people. The things that have been done to her over the years by people she should have been able to trust are horrific. The only real way that she will get better is to be institutionalized and very focused. I honestly don't think that it can happen. The mental health system in this country has already failed her and it's only getting worse.
As for my weight loss, I had gastric lap sleeve surgery. Basically they took out 75-80% of my stomach.
This might sound strange, but you said she did not want to see you as a pretty girl next to her as a ugly one...
Why don't you visit her a Bob then. That way she will atleast have contact with you. It might help a little.
Ah I know alot of people who have had that surgery and it works great...but I think I will just try to adjust my diet before something that drastic.
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* gives Cindy an extra-special bear hug and a few extra she can share *
Sometimes (okay always) I wish I could take away all of the sadness and pain others are feeling, bottle it all up, and launch it into the sun, where those feelings would be incinerated.
* offers hugs, handshakes, and awkward nods of the head to everyone, based upon there preference *
And remember, folks, I've got two arms for hugging, two shoulders to cry on, and two ears for listening.
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This might sound strange, but you said she did not want to see you as a pretty girl next to her as a ugly one...
Why don't you visit her a Bob then. That way she will atleast have contact with you. It might help a little.
It's an excuse. She has been using every excuse she can over the last year to push people away. Honestly, it's really hard to be supportive. I do what I can, but there really isn't anything I can do other than be here when she needs to talk to someone.
Ah I know alot of people who have had that surgery and it works great...but I think I will just try to adjust my diet before something that drastic.
I tried that for many years. It didn't work for me. This certainly wasn't an easy road. I don't want you to think that this was the easy way. It was the hardest thing I'd done.
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Depressed friend is having such a hard time finding professional help. The area she lives in doesn't have a lot of decent doctors who take Medicaid. She needs a lot of help. Without going into a ton of details, she has virtually no trust in people. The things that have been done to her over the years by people she should have been able to trust are horrific. The only real way that she will get better is to be institutionalized and very focused. I honestly don't think that it can happen. The mental health system in this country has already failed her and it's only getting worse.
Try to keep in face to face contact with her. I know from even the lighter episodes of my own depression that keeping friends around is one of the hardest, but in the end one of the most important things to do. Getting in touch again with friends I had lost contact with proved nearly impossible, I still sometimes just send them messages, one way or the other. telling them that I still care, even if I was silent that long.
Another possible irritant might be(come) that certain depressive episodes make it hard to deal with change (even objectively good change), so If your friend reacts weirdly to Cindy, or 'forgets' some 'details', that might not be meant as a slight against you.
*hugs*
All the best!
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*Burns bright and warm, cozying up the surroundings for hugs, smiles, talk and companionship, though the crackling sounds a bit like snoring at times*
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Damn. I am so sorry to hear about the things you and people in your life are going through, Cindy. That is some of the worst things a person can get through. Please offer your niece my deepest condolences, and hug your friend for me.
Hope everyone's Thursday goes great.
*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*
thank you. This week has not been the best professionally. While I'm not exactly dreading going to work,I think today isn't going to be better than Monday -Wednesday....
Aaaand I was right. *sigh* oh well.
Aaaand I was right. *sigh* oh well.
I am sorry to hear that.
*hugs*
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Dang. That's... really rough, Cindy. As a person who's been depressed, I for one can say that everyone's depression is completely different, just like everyone's brain is different. I can't really offer good insight as to how your friend's mind is working, especially as I don't know her, but I do have a little bit of advice. A depressed person isolating themselves for a little while-a few days, a week-is, at least in my experience, that they're trying to get their head together without everybody smothering them with affection. That's generally a good thing. However, if it's any longer than that, then you really need to go talk to her. Like, really really, as soon as it's possible.
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This week has been good.
I started my diet and mostly stuck with it. I am pretty much cutting out fast food and most junk foods (though I will probably occasionally cheat on special occassions). I even lost a couple of pounds.
I applied for a part time job on the weekends to get some extra money. I got a good chance of getting it as I have friend who works there and will put in a good word for me.
Monday my Trams male friend had a tough day (not related to being trans) so I gathered our friends and took him to a bar. Besides being able to support him and cheer him up my other friends took cues from him and started treating me as a woman...which is I know probably is tough as I am still don't have what I need to go out as a woman. I know it might not seem alot but being called Selene makes me feel nice.
Now this Saturday Is going to be a big day. It is my friend's birthday party. My one girl friend is going to be there for one part of it ( yeah my friend'said b-day parties are always three tiered...shrug). So I will get to hang out with her. My friend also asked if I wanted to be introduced as Selene to his other friends that I don't know well. Even though I am a little nervous about it as I am still presenting as a guy...I am also excited about it.
I am still exploring the blog idea...
And next week I am quitting smoking.
Just a general update. Oh and *hugs*
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Awesome, Selene! Glad to hear you're doing well.
In other news, I was up until 12:30 this morning writing Steven Universe fanfiction. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE
Awesome, Selene! Glad to hear you're doing well.
In other news, I was up until 12:30 this morning writing Steven Universe fanfiction. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE
Too big to quote in it's entirety, Doomkitten, but...
Neil Gaiman Keynote Address 2012
...might that be what you are doing with your life?