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So on a positive note, the ladies night game group has too many people and needs to be done over two days. I still get nervous because each time there is someone new there, but they only get to see me as Cindy. They know. I don't hide anything if they ask questions. They always ask to be Facebook friends with Cindy first then they ask if they can be friends with Bob. It's nice to feel more than just accepted. I feel almost embraced, if that makes any sense.
donate it to Locks of Love. It takes about two years for my hair to be long enough to donate. So I've been doing it a few times now.Awesome! I'm a big fan of Locks of Love. I donate two feet every three years or so.
Even when I cut it for Locks of Love, I keep enough to wear in a pony tail. When it gets long, I tend to wear it down. My long hair is one of the few ways that I get to express my true gender in public, so it's very personally important to me - and, as such, it is important that I give others the same opportunity to express themselves with their hair (via locks of love).
I've found the more often I let my hair grow long the more I like it long. I don't really care to put it into a ponytail, however - just doesn't feel right when I do it - so I let it flow. (Plus it's more fun when I flip it by one of my female coworkers because has said she wishes she has hair like me - she gives me a nasty look then laughs.)
One advantage I've found is the longer hair helps to keep me noggin, ears, and neck warm in the winter.
The summer, on the other hand...
Then there's strong winds - in all the years I have done this twice the wind has caught my hair as I was closing the car door and I ended up with a few strands caught in the car door - ouch! (Feel free to laugh - I know I did after opening the car door and freeing my hair.)
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donate it to Locks of Love. It takes about two years for my hair to be long enough to donate. So I've been doing it a few times now.Awesome! I'm a big fan of Locks of Love. I donate two feet every three years or so.
Even when I cut it for Locks of Love, I keep enough to wear in a pony tail. When it gets long, I tend to wear it down. My long hair is one of the few ways that I get to express my true gender in public, so it's very personally important to me - and, as such, it is important that I give others the same opportunity to express themselves with their hair (via locks of love).
As someone who will one day (hopefully soon) need a wig (or wigs), I thank you both.
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So I have a feeling that the new Starfinder Society is gonna be really gay.
I say that because as soon as I can, I'm making a trans lesbian space bard, so there's one gay character already.
I may be slightly excited.
Most of my characters are all ready lesbians (or bi)...I imagine I will continue to do so in Starfinder.
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More good news I came out to two friends. It is funny seeing people expressions...though atleast two of my friends had a troubled look on their faces. I am probably going to talk to them in private about it. It is probably nothing.
But so far everything has been positive.
Next week is the PFLAG meeting...I am both excited and nervous about it.
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* joins the Hugmaster General * hugs and positive feelings *
Stay awesome everyone.
A friend of mine who is a trans woman who is married to a trans woman just had a scary incident happen in Seattle. The wife was attacked by several women for being trans. She's ok. She has spent her life practicing self defense and only had to deal with one of them before the rest gathered the fallen and ran off. Yes, a police report has been filed.
This is why I'm terrified to go out alone. Even in a welcoming city like mine, these things happen.
It's awful that those women attacked her, but good on her for knowing how to defend herself.
Just a couple of weeks ago, a group of teens threw s+#* at my best friend as he walked into a gay bar.
In New Friggin' York City.
(I'm sure that CH and FH could tell me more NYC horror stories.)
what the actual f$+#?
Where was this?
Somewhere in Hell's Kitchen.
...It just now occurred to me that I should not have used "s&&~" to describe the miscellaneous, but non-fecal matter thrown at him.
I've found the more often I let my hair grow long the more I like it long. I don't really care to put it into a ponytail, however - just doesn't feel right when I do it - so I let it flow.
I prefer ponytails for work, both due to looking more professional and for keeping my hair from getting messy. Ponytails also help with the "hot neck" problem during the summer.
But yes, down is always more comfortable.
Then there's strong winds - in all the years I have done this twice the wind has caught my hair as I was closing the car door and I ended up with a few strands caught in the car door - ouch! (Feel free to laugh - I know I did after opening the car door and freeing my hair.)
Ugh, I would not laugh at that. I've caught my hair on too many things.
I will say that, when it's windy, ponytails do help to prevent what you describe. They're a useful hairstyle, if not an awesome one.
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While I'm certainly looking forward to Starfinder, I've been running space-based Pathfinder RPG games for years. Mostly via refluffing, some new systems.
Anyway, all talk of gay characters in space made me immediately think of the Mass Effect game I ran for my wife.
That is, I ran Mass Effect 1 and 2 for my wife, who played Shepard, because she hadn't played the games and I had. I tried to stick to the video game as much as possible, but she went off the rails almost immediately. It was a ton of fun.
Anyway, her FemShep had seduced both Garrus and Tali before even recruiting Liara (who she ended up not liking). She ended up marrying Tali.
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*has long, curly, almost feral hair*
*family hates it and constantly guilts me about locks of love so I'll get rid of it*
*is conflicted*
My trick is that I wait until my hair gets so long that I can donate 2 feet and still have long hair. Instead of having hair down to my butt, I have hair down to my shoulder blades.
That way, even right after donation time, I still have long hair! ^^
And seriously, locks of love should be a choice, not something you are guilted into. Whatever family members are doing that are being jerks and should be ashamed of themselves. Don't let them make you feel conflicted - do what you feel is right for you.
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*Shines warm and bright, bringing cozyiness to the world, also offering a great place for hugs, smiles, talk, companionship and a good cup of tea*
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Woke up extremely hungover this morning. I've been drowning out my roommates' soon-to-be poly relationship if only can overcome disrespectful tendencies drama with cheap rum. I'm just glad I have an monogamous but open relationship.
Living in an unofficial trans family is weird. The expectation that everyone will look out for one another as if they are family tends to rub when the two compositional couples or even the four individual constituents have differing goals. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. I can respect that everyone is different and approaches relationships differently, but I don't like the idea of poaching partners and then having them included in our financial budgets. It's kinda odd to see different levels of trans disadvantage and how they all interact with one another in a microcosm, especially when I am the only non-trans individual. I recognize they all have their own societal struggles, and I will support them through all of that, but it is a bit grating when the trouble they bring into their own lives also affect me.
On a more positive note, first star finder society character is going to be gay. Most of my characters are Bi (with my Skald being pan) so this will be a nice change of pace. Still thinking about race and class. The possibilities are just so exciting.
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A friend of mine who is a trans woman who is married to a trans woman just had a scary incident happen in Seattle. The wife was attacked by several women for being trans. She's ok. She has spent her life practicing self defense and only had to deal with one of them before the rest gathered the fallen and ran off. Yes, a police report has been filed.
This is why I'm terrified to go out alone. Even in a welcoming city like mine, these things happen.
It's awful that those women attacked her, but good on her for knowing how to defend herself.
Just a couple of weeks ago, a group of teens threw s+#* at my best friend as he walked into a gay bar.
In New Friggin' York City.
(I'm sure that CH and FH could tell me more NYC horror stories.)
what the actual f$+#?
Where was this?
Somewhere in Hell's Kitchen.
...It just now occurred to me that I should not have used "s%+$" to describe the miscellaneous, but non-fecal matter thrown at him.
yes. That changes things significantly. Still wrong, however.
So I have a feeling that the new Starfinder Society is gonna be really gay.
I say that because as soon as I can, I'm making a trans lesbian space bard, so there's one gay character already.
I may be slightly excited.
As an asexual, my characters are all unofficialy also asexual as since I don't really understand sexual attraction, I don't really feel I could roleplay it. I've never had a transgender character before, I may do that sometime just to try it out. :)
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First date done. Anxiety settling down. 2nd date in the works.
So far in PFS play I've had one transman human, one gender-fluid undine, a handful of ace folks, and some where gender hasn't really come up, plus whenever possible playing a pregen, I utilize Shardra Getl.
In the international group I'm in, I've had several characters who have been transgender (in either direction of a given binary system).
It has been an eye-opening learning experience so far, and I hope to continue learning.
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As an asexual, my characters are all unofficialy also asexual as since I don't really understand sexual attraction, I don't really feel I could roleplay it.
Nah, RPing sexual attraction is easy!
Whenever someone they would be attracted to is around, just have your character do the stupidest thing you can think of.
Indistinguishable from the real thing. :]
First date done. Anxiety settling down. 2nd date in the works.
Great news *hugs*. You want to share any of the Details?
In my world...
I have noticed that my friends that I have come out too just don't talk about it. They treat it has it never happened. I find it frustrating because I do want to talk about it.
Any thoughts on why this Is? Should I be more direct? Give them more Time?
Congratz Bob!
I don't really have any good advice for you in this situation, Selene, sorry :(
*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
*hugs*
That is okay...i might be expecting more than it merits...shrug
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First date done. Anxiety settling down. 2nd date in the works.Great news *hugs*. You want to share any of the Details?
In my world...
I have noticed that my friends that I have come out too just don't talk about it. They treat it has it never happened. I find it frustrating because I do want to talk about it.
Any thoughts on why this Is? Should I be more direct? Give them more Time?
Psychologically, people prefer talking about things they have in common with another over things that are different between them - really, it's a basic survival trait to foster community-building. It's a tendency that can be overcome, but most people have to consciously think about it; it doesn't usually come naturally.
They may also want to avoid making you feel freakish or excluded...not realizing that ignoring the topic has the same effect. XD More time will likely help, as they integrate this new development into their image of you. Continuing to be matter-of-fact with them about your identity will likely help, too, as it'll normalize the change for them and make it something that's easier to talk about.
I'm not a psychologist, just a kind of bookish cis woman doing a lot of learning myself, but I hope I helped a little! Try telling your friends you need someone to gush to - they may surprise you. I know I'd be very willing to listen in their place, but I'd have a hard time getting the conversation started, too.
So I have a feeling that the new Starfinder Society is gonna be really gay.
I say that because as soon as I can, I'm making a trans lesbian space bard, so there's one gay character already.
I may be slightly excited.
"The Doctor: (referring to Jack) Relax, he's a 51st century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to dancing.
There was an earlier quote where he talked about humans going to space and 'dancing' with all sorts of beings but I can't find it.
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First date done. Anxiety settling down. 2nd date in the works.Great news *hugs*. You want to share any of the Details?
In my world...
I have noticed that my friends that I have come out too just don't talk about it. They treat it has it never happened. I find it frustrating because I do want to talk about it.
Any thoughts on why this Is? Should I be more direct? Give them more Time?
There's no details. We went to dinner. I forgot my left overs. We went for a drive. Stopped at an arcade for a while and I dropped him off. We spent the time just talking. We're now trying to figure out what to do for a 2nd date.
As for people not talking about it, I think that they are doing it out of respect for you. They don't want to make it an issue in your friendship. If you want to talk about it, you're going to have to initiate the conversation. They may have a lot of questions, but have no idea what's appropriate to ask. I had similar problems at first. Now they just shoot me suggestions when they see something that may help me with things that I've been struggling with. It's just a part of who I am to them.
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* grabs everyone in a big, fluffy bear hug *
Sending out my love to you wonderful people.
Way to go, Bob.
Selene, this is just my 2 cents worth, but could it be for some of your friends that it just doesn't bother them and maybe they don't realize you want to talk to them about it? As Rennaivx said, they may surprise you.
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32
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Selene: if they're avoiding the issue in the sense that they aren't acknowledging or respecting you, give them some time to process if you're feeling generous and otherwise I would recommend reevaluating those friendships. If they are supportive but seem reticent to discuss it, as others said it could be that they may not realize you want to talk about it. Or perhaps they simply don't know how to discuss it. My advice here is direct, open dialogue: let them know explicitly what you'd like to talk about and go from there! It is a very personal thing, so do also check in to see if they feel up for that sort of conversation, or when they would be.
Bob: that sounds nice! Pity about the leftovers, but hopefully you'll remember them on #2 ^_^
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THanks all..I think that it is just mixture of they need time...and I have to start the conversation.
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First date done. Anxiety settling down. 2nd date in the works.
BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB BOB
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Selene, I think in part you might be dealing with a catch 22. Your friends may believe that by not bringing it up at all they are showing you that it doesn't change the way they feel about you and that to them you're still the same person.
Which you are, and at the same time aren't...and that's tough for some people to process. It's very likely that they believe making it a non issue is showing support. You should broach it, maybe by asking if they have any questions. A good way to get someone to ask what they wanted to but felt might be rude to do so.
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Yeah I asked a friend over email about it. Atleast for him it was pretty much him not wanting to show support by not making a big deal about it, I think I can atleast start talking to him about it.
Sigh men are so dense. ;)
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Two great success stories happening at once! Selene and myself.
I had another game night. This time I went further than before. Last time I wore jeans and a nice top. I didn't wear makeup. This time I wore a great dress, tights, cute shoes, and makeup. I left my apartment on my own and came home on my own. There's no support for dealing with my neighbors should something happen.
Anyway, we played a couple of games (Metagame and Codenames: Pictures). We had a blast. I'm actually very proud of myself for walking alone in public (although no one saw me) dressed 100% as Cindy.
I met a new person there. She seemed a little uncomfortable at first, but she carried on a conversation with me and never said or did anything to make me feel uncomfortable. I am also in a Bariatric Weightloss group on Facebook. Cindy is anyway. So I decided to show a before and after picture with strangers. Sure, it was only Facebook and it's a closed group. I'm still counting that as a Scale Victory (down 125 pounds) and a Non Scale Victory (interacting with the world as if I'm completely normal).
Selene, isn't it weird that we want to be treated as if there isn't anything different about us, but we also want our friends to acknowledge the differences? Weird.
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Glad things are going well for you two ^w^
Well my Saturday's off to great start, getting to watch an awesome artist stream my Satyr threesome commission, hope everyone else's goes great too!
*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs one*
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@Rysky: *hugs*. That is awesome.
@Bob_Loblaw: I think I sent mixed signals...which in part caused the confusion. The thing is I wanted to be treated differently...but I also want them to understand I am still me. Than again I am still figuring things out. Which is kinda why I do want to talk with my friends about it. Like I might want then to start using Selene and the feminine pronouns.,.
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My friends have gotten into the habit of calling me Bob when I'm dressed as Bob or when I message them through Facebook as Bob. When I'm Cindy, they call me Cindy. Texts? I have no idea how I'm in their phones.
It's been getting easier for me now that I've been talking to them more about it. Setting up a separate Facebook page to discuss things makes it much easier for me. I can block the people I want to block and let them in on my terms. Others can give me advice as it comes up and they can discuss things together, even those who don't know each other. It's really been good for me.
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Bob I am happy to see things going well for you.
Selene I hope your friends come around and it's just jitters on their behalf.
I would like to ask a favor of everyone for a friend. She and her partner are trying to get pregnant through invetro.
I don't want to hand out her personal information to everyone in the forums but she has a GoFundMe page. If you are interested pm me and I will give you the link.
Thank you everyone for your forbearance.
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Looks like we're planning on going to Pike Place Market and wandering around there for the 2nd date. If you've never been, you're missing out. It's really cool. We will probably have to walk along the waterfront as well. There are some places I need to go to every time I get down there.
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@Bob_Loblaw: *hugs* Good luck on the second date.
I...dislike Facebook. But I am sure I can get them to talk about it...I have to be direct...without being demanding.
I have come to realization about what might be a cause for the awkwardness with my friends. While several of them have LGBT friends...they went into that knowing about it...I am the first person to come out to them. So I think...I went in thinking they would have nmore experience with this...which they don't.
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Just talk about it like you would any other emotional thing you talk about.
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*Still here, burning warm and bright, cozying up the place for hugs, smiles, tal, companionship and tea*
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*sits by the fire....hugs Rysky*
Just saying Hi...
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Looks like we're planning on going to Pike Place Market and wandering around there for the 2nd date. If you've never been, you're missing out. It's really cool. We will probably have to walk along the waterfront as well. There are some places I need to go to every time I get down there.
I love Pike Place! Good choice.