He he, to save confusion, this is now an open ended practice design thread for wondrous items, with possible extension to other round practice later on.
Here's where we all started thsi year: first challenge practice
So this thread starts with the greek/norse items and will progress onto pirating wonders in a few weeks time. I'll just nip back and get the current challenge restrictions for practice, so we can all start posting.
Practice #1 Challenge Rules - Now closed.
All Round 1 Superstar Wondrous Item rules apply (word count, auto reject reasons, template), plus the following...
Put in brackets after your item name the word count (dont count these in your word count).
Low Level Wondrous Items Only
Caster Level max is 5th
Maximum Price is 5,000 gp.
Practice #2 - Current
Put in brackets after your item name the word count (dont count these in your word count).
5k-15k gp Price (2.5k to 7.5k Cost)
Head, Chest, Back slots or Dungeon Dressing items only (yeah, get into hands, feet, neck, etc later on).
Themed as if Norse or Greek mythology/setting ( we seem to have some nice eastern themed items in our first weeks of practice, so lets try something more Jason and the Argonauts now )
and to be mean...
Maximum 275 words!! if we can do well at 275, 300 will be a breeze - grin.
Practice #3 - Starting Sat 17th March
Put in brackets after your item name the word count (dont count these in your word count).
No price limit.
No slot limit.
Piratical naughtiness and fun only.
Items must be the sort of things bandits, scallywags, prirates, cut-throats and swashbuckling seafarers would employ.
They can be personal items, ship and sailing items, port side items, but all must be nautical or pirating in nature.
Oh, no ships in a bottle - Captain Jack Sparrow got there first.
and to continue to work on tight wording...
Maximum 275 words continues.
Owch.
er, dungeon dressing? You mean like an enchanted vinaigrette? Or, like, a magic fountain?
lol, I leave that interpretation to your fertile imaginations.
"Dungeon wall turns around, says 'Eeee' whilst gathering up her cobweb coverings to hide her bare wallness..."
This one doesn't really inspire me yet--it's a bit too SIAC, and probably too powerful. And I don't really feel like it would add a load of fun to anyone's game.
Wreath of the Ancient Preserver [207 words]
Aura moderate abjuration, conjuration, and transmutation; CL 8th
Slot headband; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Eternally green laurel branches adorn this horseshoe-shaped wreath. When worn on the head, it confers sense of ecstasy, granting a +2 enhancement bonus to Charisma. Treat this as a temporary ability bonus for the first 24 hours the wreath is worn.
A wearer may use the bardic performance class ability to perform an ecstatic song that commands disease and curses. By chanting or playing their instrument, the wearer may attempt to cure one affliction affecting one living target within 60'. The wearer must succeed at a Perform(any except act or comedy) check against the DC of the target's affliction. If the check is successful, the disease or curse is expelled from the host, curing him as if by remove disease or remove curse. Once expelled, the affliction takes the form of a winged, bestial humanoid (treat as an Ooze Mephit) which single-mindedly attacks its former host, disappearing in a puff of foul air if when it succeeds at killing him or when 1 minute has passed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle's splendor, remove curse, remove disease, creator must have the bardic performance class ability; Cost 5,000 gp
Ok, quick first impressions as I'm waiting for a new Javascript Patterns book to download...
The very first thing I see is the +x to y stat bonus type of thing. This is mentioned a number of times in the various feedback threads - dont do it. You first power needs to wow or you hit the reject button fairly quickly is my understanding.
I wasnt sure about commanding deseases or curses - I know what you mean, but I also cant think of a better word at the moment.
I like the the ex-host gets to beat up on his curse/desease. Great fun.
Things to consider - can you recatch the desease/curse if you are cured whilst in the area that caused the first one?
If I have a particularly cursed/desease ridden PC, can I continue singing round by round releasing one per round? If there are more than one desease or curse on the target are they cured oldest/youngest first or do I get to choose?
"confers sense" probably needs "a" in the middle of those two words in that first paragraph?
Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, this is a pretty rough draft--even now as I re-read it I'm spotting a few other typos and missing words. (e.g., "disappearing in a puff of foul air if when it succeeds") Ugh.
Anywho. I think the rule for straight bonuses is that they aren't exciting, are not inherently superstar, and potentially represent a waste of word count. But here's the thing. In this case a bonus is necessary in order to make this item viable to bards for the headband slot. Otherwise it would lose out to the "best in slot" +2 headband of alluring charisma. Dontcha think? It will eventually be replaced by the +4 headband, but this way it will hopefully be viable for a few levels. Maybe a bit longer if the player isn't a real optimizer.
Things to consider - can you recatch the desease/curse if you are cured whilst in the area that caused the first one?
If I have a particularly cursed/desease ridden PC, can I continue singing round by round releasing one per round? If there are more than one desease or curse on the target are they cured oldest/youngest first or do I get to choose?
The "casting out" effect is instantaneous, just like the remove spells, so, yeah, the victim could catch it again.
And nothing except the available rounds of bardic performances limits the wearer's ability to keep on going if there are more available targets in the area.
I should add language to specify that the highest DC disease/curse is targeted first--good catch.
PS: What I think this item needs now is a killer "omg that's awesome" twist to fill up the remaining word count and push it up to the next level of superstar-ness. Still working on that.
PSS: Ah, I see what you mean about putting the cool power first. Good point.
Yeah, I didn't say don't have the bonus, just don't have it as the first power, have it as the last - hope that makes sense.
Now that I look at this item it seems far too pedestrian to be considered superstar, but I am posting it as a starting point to maybe make something out of. Hopefully I can revise it to have some mojo in a subsequent draft. On a more technical note, something about the templating of the abilities just seems off to me, but then again I had that problem with my submission this year as well.
Cthonic Aegis [172 words]
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 39,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This tattered fur cloak is made of the fleece of a shadowy guardian creature of the Underworld, its head intact and staring from the shoulder with flinty dead eyes. The wearer gains a +2 profane bonus on saving throws against death effects and energy drain as well as negative energy resistance 5. Additionally, once per day the wearer may negate up to 4 points of ability damage or drain as an immediate action. After using this ability, the wearer may then channel negative energy once. This works as the channel ability of an evil cleric of the wearer’s character level, except that the number of dice of damage is equal to the number of points of ability damage negated. This single channel attempt persists until used or until more ability damage is negated by the cloak.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Death Ward, creator must have the channel negative energy class feature; Cost 19,500 gp
Anywho. I think the rule for straight bonuses is that they aren't exciting, are not inherently superstar, and potentially represent a waste of word count. But here's the thing. In this case a bonus is necessary in order to make this item viable to bards for the headband slot. Otherwise it would lose out to the "best in slot" +2 headband of alluring charisma. Dontcha think? It will eventually be replaced by the +4 headband, but this way it will hopefully be viable for a few levels. Maybe a bit longer if the player isn't a real optimizer.
One of the ways to make Wondrous Items "Superstar" and not "good for a book of magic items" is to stack a "sorta cool power" that functions all of the time with a "super cool power" that functions some of the time. This can work if the powers are thematically tied together. Ask your self this question: What does being more charismatic have to do with curing diseases? I get that you are looking at the crunch and practicality of making this for a bard but if you are adding a bonus just so the item is better than another item that uses the same slot it probably won't be thematically tied to the overall item. Maybe that means you can re-envision this as some other item, or adjust the powers that it has to be different enough, and cool enough that bards will want it more than the head band that boosts CHR. When doing this you have to walk the fine line of thematically tied powers and SAK items. FWIW I think you are on to something with this item, it just needs some added mojo.
Ok, I finally have something that I think is starting to tick a few boxes. It's low power, early game targetted and will get replaced later on, it plays with game mechanics without overtly breaking them and has also scratched my itch to do something with the viking helmet idea.
If all my part 2 rules were enforced by proper judge conditions, I wouldnt submit as it's too cheap, but I havent posted an item for a bit due to some heavy reading and research into game mechanics.
So here goes, I actually feel quite good about this one, so nows your chance to give me some return pain... grin.
Foe Acquiring Helm (267 words)
Aura faint illusion; CL 3rd
Slot head; Price 1,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This battered iron helmet bears two chipped and blood-stained tusks protruding from the sides.
Each tusk can be rotated individually, in 45 degree turns, to point to any adjacent square. The tusks orientation affects movement choices of enemies during combat.
Should an opponent try to move within 10 feet of the wearer without engaging them in combat, they must succeed on a Will save based upon horn orientation. This effect does count as mind affecting and a successful save negates the helm effect. Only one save is made by an opponent per round, triggered by the first provoking square of movement.
If both horns point in the same direction, the DC of the save is 23. Failure means the opponent moves directly to the adjacent square the horns are orientated towards.
If the horns are oriented in different directions, the save DC drops to 18, and an opponent is only be affected by the nearest horn. Failure has the same effect as before. If both horns are equidistant when the save is triggered, the wearer chooses the horn causing the save.
Due to the subliminal nature of the helm, if changing movement would cause the opponent to provoke attacks of opportunity, they will automatically succeed on the Will save.
Changing one or both horns orientation is a move equiavlent action that does provoke attacks of opportunity.
If both horns are being rotated, any shield protection is also forfeit for that round.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, misdirection; Cost 750 gp
I'm not 100% sure what the Foe Acquiring Helm does.
Move action to orient the horns, got it. Each horn points in a direction, and the relevant range is 10 ft. Some crude diagrams:
W is the wearer of the helm.
. is a generic space
X is a space affected by one horn
Y is a space affected by the other
Z is a space affected by both
This I'm sure works.
..X..
..X..
..WYY
.....
.....
Now, do you have exactly 8 direction choices, or more? diagonals of course cost 5-ft., then 10-ft. of movement.
So if I pick a diagonal, one of these would be available. Which is it?
X.... .X... .....
.X... .X... .X...
..WYY ..WYY ..WYY
..... ..... .....
..... ..... .....
That's kind of secondary. I'm trying to understand what actually happens when the effect triggers.
Should an opponent attempt to move within 10 feet of the wearer without engaging them in combat
What makes someone an opponent, if not engaging in combat? Obviously we don't want this affecting random people walking by in town. So I'm unclear there. If you try to move by, rather than, moving right up to attack, then on a failed save, the helm... forces the opponent to move to one of the squares the helm indicates? Does it force them to stop, or just pass through that square as part of their movement?
I think your intent here is to have an item that makes it harder for an enemy to walk around the fighter to get to the wizard. This aims to try and force the enemy to either swing wider (if they're aware of the effect), spending more movement and thus having less chance of reaching the squishy... or to bring them in closer to the fighter, where he can get a swing in. But I'm not clear on how it works.
Your save DCs seem high. I like the idea that limiting the spread, effectively, raises the DC. But 18 seems a very high base DC for a 1,500 gp item, and non-standard. A 5th-level effect is DC 17 base (10+5+2 (15 stat)), and a 6th-level is DC 19 (10+6+3 (16 stat)), while the only spell listed is misdirection a second level spell which would have a DC 13 save (consistent with CL 3rd).
I also don't like the notion that if you're rotating both horns, you give up shield protection. It makes sense, as you've presumably got both hands at your head... but it also needs rephrasing at least to be clear it doesn't, for example, cost you the protection of the shield spell, even if it does cost you the protection of a heavy shield on your arm.
And I'm not sure what the primary intent will accomplish. If I come within 10 ft. of the wearer, presumably skirting his threatened area, this can force me to move to a particular square. That will, presumably, just end up costing me some movement speed. And automatic success if the movement would provoke makes sense... but how does that interact with Acrobatics? Would I automatically succeed at the save regardless of attempts to use acrobatics, or what?
Basically, I'm not quite clear on how this works.
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Wreath of the Ancient Preserver [207 words]
I think it was Green Ronin's Complete Shaman book, but there was a mechanic I read somewhere that allowed a shaman to battle a spiritual representation of a disease, poison or curse effect, and if he won, cure the condition. I love that idea, and where you were going with a similar theme, but the CR of the manifested disease or poison should, in some way, be adjusted to suit the 'power' of the disease or poison. Smacking away a case of filth fever should be easier than 'fighting' wyvern poison. (And in the case of disease or poisons that already have a creature association, such as snake venom or devil chills or ghoul fever or lycanthropy or mummy rot, having the manifested affliction take on the appearance of the creature that delivered the affliction could be cool). A more advanced version that literally allows the healer to *command* the affliction, and store it in a jar or bind it to himself, to later pass on to someone else, could rock. (I cured someone of wyvern poison yesterday, and I still have the spirit bound, so I have a single use 'wyvern poison attack' waiting at my fingertips...)
This is a really neat idea, full of fun interpretations, that, IMO, is wasted on a super-condensed magic item writeup.
Just hand-waving the 'ooze mephit' fight and having the item capable of removing disease or curing poison, but, upon a failed attempt, possibly afflicting the item-user with the condition as well, could be a much more streamlined way of shorthanding that whole 'fight the affliction' concept.
Foe Acquiring Helm (267 words)
Okay here are some thoughts:
1) The name of it made me think the item was supposed to cause opponents to change directions and come after the wearer. But it seems like instead the helm lets the wearer cause opponents to get misdirected and go different directions than they intended based on the pointing of the horns. I was confused while reading it. I immediately thought of Everquest and the tank charterers running into mobs to drag them along while all the other characters attacked...not good for a table top rpg.
2) Characters aren't static during a round so creating an item that is dependent on the direction something is being pointed, while being worn by a character that is constantly ducking, dodging, shifting weight to attack doesn't make sense to me.
3) Even if we assume that characters are static there is a lot of book keeping with this item. Which way is the left horn pointed, which way the right? Which way is the character facing? It doesn't cost any movement to change direction in your own square so just by turning around this item is now effecting a new set of enemies. Trying to remember and keep track of the squares this effects would slow down play and be confusing.
4) I think this falls into the same trap as your Purse entry for this year. It has a lot of detail on the mechanics of how it is supposed to function (turning the horns, two vs one horns) and not a lot on the magical effect of the item.
5) The spell you chose to create this item has nothing to do with movement coordinates, the compass directions of NSEW, or even the directions of left, right, up, down, front, and back. It is about confusing detection spells and it doesn't make any sense on making this item function this way.
Sorry, but I think this was a big miss. I like the idea of the foes moving around the wearer getting confused and moving into squares they didn't intend but I don't think you did a good job executing that.
It was an attempt at simply, if you pass within 10 feet, and you fail your save, you "decide" to instead to move to the indicated square, e.g.
Sq 1 Sq 2 Sq 3
Sq 4 Helm Sq 5
Sq 6 Sq 7 Sq 8
So if someone tries to pass you just outside of threat range, and your horns are pointing at say 1 and 3, the 18DC Will save failure means you instead move to stand in square 3 or 1 depending on nearest horn. You may make an attack if you wish and have the actions to do so, if not, you just got pulled into the Helm wearers melee range.
Thats all it does, gives the helm wearer the chance of pulling enemies towards him.
So its quite useful at low levels, but intentionally wanes at higher levels of play. I must admit, I did play with the saves quite a bit, I tried 13 and 15 but felt they were too low, and then tried the 20/25 often seen and felt a tad high, so went for a middle range.
Maybe 16/20 might be better.
So for your acrobatics tumbling, which avoids aoo's, if you pass within 10 feet of the helm, your npc might just decide to tumble to the helm wearer on a failed save.
Think of it as a mini gravity well if you like, its that sort of effect. It doesnt stop you getting past the fighter, it just makes it harder in close combat situations.
Anthony, I think you may also be focusing a little too much on the mechanics, in terms of moving this horn or that horn, similar to what you did with your purse, where you got lost in the folding.
The other big problem I think is that characters don't really have a facing. How do you know what way the horns are pointing?
Yeah, I'd missed that there is no orientation, but I have mad warriors who are alwys facing something in my games too - lol
It was an attempt at simply, if you pass within 10 feet, and you fail your save, you "decide" to instead to move to the indicated square, e.g.
...
Think of it as a mini gravity well if you like, its that sort of effect. It doesnt stop you getting past the fighter, it just makes it harder in close combat situations.
I'd recommend using the spell mass suggestion with a caster level of 11. Any creature that takes a move action within 30 feet of the wearer must make a WILL save DC: 25. Success they complete their action as normal, failure and they are compelled to take their move action directly towards the wearer up to the limit of their speed. They end their movement directly in front of the wearer even if they have more movement movement allowed. They can take no other action once this movement has occurred. If they end their movement in a square that the wearer threatens the wearer gets an Attack of Opportunity, as long as the wearer can make one.
Foe Acquiring Helm
[native Scandinavian fact]Oh, seriously. Vikings DIDN'T have horns on their helmets. That was a Christian later addition to assimilate them with the Devil...[/native Scandinavian fact]
That said I don't like the name "Foe Acquiring Helmet" sounds like something out of World of Warcraft. In a bad way. At least, I don't really want to read something called that. It just doesn't sound wondrous to me.
The Facing gives too many issues and the effects just seem confused. Your last practice item was much better on clarity. I think you need to be careful with getting lost in "this mechanic that effect, change it like that to get this effect, but if like that then... and so on".
The last line seems strange to me.
"If both horns are being rotated, any shield protection is also forfeit for that round."
Are you talking about shield bonus to AC, deflection "shielding" effects, arrow deflection, or what exactly? And "being rotated" is both passive and weird. Think you want to go for specifying this lot more. Possibly simply have the rotation require the use of one hand per horn, disenabling that hand from doing anything else?
Foe Acquiring Helm
I agree with what the others are saying. If you simplify the mechanics of this item it would be vastly improved. Just make it force enemies to engage you if they fail a save and forget about having to adjust the horns. That is just adding complication that is hard to use in the game. You could write a non-mechanic bit about the horns turning themselves toward enemies when they approach within 10 feet, but I honestly think the pointing horns is a bit silly.
Also, the Misdirection spell seems to be the wrong choice. Even though the name seems appropriate, the spell's effect is much more important and should more closely match the item's abilities. A spell that thwarts divinations does not fit. This should be an enchantment effect and not an illusion as there is no real false sensory thing bringing them to the wearer. It is more of a mind effecting compulsion. Mass suggestion was a good suggestion (I did it again) and would make the higher save DCs make more sense. Another choice might be the 8th level spell Sympathy as it draws creatures to it. If you are trying to keep it low level Command or Suggestion would be fine.
Yeah, it was weird with the spell, I was trying to juggle low level, effects and spells and ran into that situation where there simply wasnt an obvious spell of the right level.
I had spells that fitted better but were 9th level spells! I didnt want that so high for obvious pricing considerations, and I was aiming for mid level effects and DC's.
It was an experiment that went fubar, so I know not to try that again.
(Basically rather than picking the spells and working out fun uses, I went the other way and started with item and effect and tried to retrofit the spells - it didnt work so well).
It was also an item choice I struggled with right from the start, as you could probably tell, so again I was trying an element of perseverance too - a sort of self challenge, could I come up with something interesting when backed into a corner sort of thing.
As I think thats what these practice and feedback threads are for, I took a swing, so Im batting up for the next pitcher again so to speak.
I'm going to miss occassionally, so I'll just dust myself off, add to my personal dont try this list and have another go :)
I have to admit I actually don't like the concept, in the end, as well. It gets back to what I dislike about the 4th Edition Defender role. It's there to help your fighter be a tank. And I just find anything like that to be too "gamey", in the end.
Landlubber's oar [254 words]
Aura faint illusion and transmutation; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 18,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This appears to be a well-worn wooden oar, its paddle is carved with arcane runes.
Up to 10 rounds per day, when a user paddles with it, he may travel over solid ground as if he were on a longship, ignoring any difficult terrain. He may reach speeds up to 120 feet per round, though must accelerate as normal. When the oar's maximum duration is reached, a user immediately decelerates at the fastest possible speed until he comes to a stop. The user does not need to make driving checks.
If the user hits a creature or vehicle of his size or larger (requiring a melee touch attack), or his movement takes him into the space of a solid sturdy object (like a wall or a building) no matter the size of that object, he makes a ramming maneuver against that creature or object as if he were on a longship. The user is damaged as well and is knocked prone. A successful Reflex saving throw (DC 10 + 1 for every 10 feet of the speed the vehicle was moving when it hit the vehicle, structure, or creature) halves the damage and keeps him from being knocked prone.
If used as a paddle on a ship, it doubles the ship's rate of movement.
If used as a weapon, treat it as a club+1 with a 10-foot reach.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, expeditious retreat, hallucinatory terrain; Cost 9,000 gp
I have to admit I actually don't like the concept, in the end, as well. It gets back to what I dislike about the 4th Edition Defender role. It's there to help your fighter be a tank. And I just find anything like that to be too "gamey", in the end.
I personally don't have a problem with this as a magical effect. I agree that the 4th Edition (may it be forgotten soon) and the Warlord class(is that right? Paladin too?) and their challenge thing that nearly forces enemies to engage you is pretty lame. That is because it doesn't appear to be a magical effect and even it it is, this should not be a class ability. But I don't have an issue with a magic item or spell that causes this effect. Basically if I can picture a wizard crafting such an item, in this case so his tough fighter or barbarian companion can keep attackers off the spellcaster, I think it is fine. It has to be balanced within the game rules so as not to be broken, but I don't necessarily see it as too "gamey."
Feedback. As always please take what's useful and ignore what isn't.
Does this item actually call into existence a longship, or does the owner of the wondrous item need to provide it by other means? Or is there actually no longship in the picture and the owner just scoots over the ground real fast when he uses the oar? Can he carry loads of stuff with him?
I like the idea.
There is normally no longship involved (though if used in a real longship it doubles the speed); the user just scoots over the ground.
I do kind of like the idea of it allowed a longship to travel over land as if it were water, though I think that would also make it a much more limited item (and one that would be more suited to being a figurehead). Could make a real neat setup with a landlocked ship, though I'd probably have to increase the duration for it to be of any use in that circumstance.
Was also thinking on the way to work that I should add a line about being able to also transport willing allies that are touching the user. (Was amused driving to work by thinking about using this while mounted, which creates a very funny visual. Woe to the poor horse that has to survive a collision, though.)
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Foe Acquiring Helm (267 words)
If this had some sort of connection to minotaurs and the maze spell, I could almost see it coming together thematically.
But, as written, the mechanics just confuse the hell out of me, and it doesn't have the flavor that would encourage me to give it another shot.
Something *totally* different, perhaps allowing the wearer to make a head-shake in one direction or the other once / round as a move action and force a foe within reach to be repositioned five feet in the 'suggested' direction (perhaps with a CMB check, instead of as a mind-affecting effect?), could be a funky sort of battle-field control item. Sort of a horny hat of 'nudging' kind of thing that allows limited use of the reposition maneuver without actually hitting the person (or perhaps during the same round that one is actually hitting the person, with a standard action attack), through the magic of the helm.
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Cthonic Aegis [172 words]
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Death Ward, creator must have the channel negative energy class feature; Cost 19,500 gp
I like this item.
Nitpick - death ward should not be capitalized in the Requirements.
The save is very specific, and negative energy resistance isn't going to come into play terribly often, but ability damage isn't exactly rare (coming from disease, poison, undead attacks, etc.) and the ability to convert the ability damage negated into channeled negative energy is a funky mechanic.
Should the save DC of the channeled energy effect be listed, or is it based on the wearers Charisma and vary with the effective Cleric level that would be required to generate a negative energy channel of that many dice? I have no idea what the correct answer to these questions would be, just throwing them out there. :)
I like the name. Cthonic and Aegis are both fun words, and yet they feel thematically right here (both bringing to mind a Greco-Roman sort of thing, which I assume was deliberate here), and not just flung about for added bonus pretentious points.
I added the bit about acting as a channel from a cleric of the wearer's level in order to clarify questions about, among other things, the DC. Now that I think about it though, I should probably change that since having items that scale based on the abilities of the wearer is a design no-no.
The save is specific because the continuous ability of the cloak started out as half of a death ward spell. I added the negative energy resist bit to avoid any appearance of SIAKness.
Leystone of Multiplicity [198 words]
Aura strong (no school); CL 11th
Slot none; Price 14,000 gp; Weight 25 lb.
Description
This waist high stone column is carved with an intricate network of arcane runes and formulae which seem to almost glow when the stone is in contact with the ground. When a Leystone of Multiplicity is in contact with the ground it can absorb arcane energy to add to the power of spells cast nearby. Any time that the Leystone is targeted or affected by a spell, any spell of the same school cast within 60 feet of the same or lower level as the spell which targeted the Leystone benefits from the Bouncing Spell metamagic feat. This does not increase the level or casting time of the spell. This aura lasts for two rounds per level of the spell which targeted the Leystone. If the Leystone is affected by another spell, any previous aura immediately ends. Placing the Leystone in contact with the ground is a standard action which provokes an attack of opportunity. If the Leystone is moved or picked up, any aura it is projecting immediately ends.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Bouncing Spell; Cost 7,000 gp
Thanks a ton for the critiques, guys. Here's my next shot at it. Feedback is always appreciated.
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Wreath of the Ancient Preserver [275 words]
Aura moderate abjuration, conjuration, and transmutation; CL 8th
Slot headband; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Eternally green laurel branches adorn this horseshoe-shaped wreath. When worn, it instills a sense of ecstasy, granting a +2 enhancement bonus to Charisma. Treat this as a temporary ability bonus for the first 24 hours the wreath is worn.
If the wearer has the bardic performance class ability, she may perform an ecstatic song or chant for one round in an attempt to banish the highest DC curse or disease affecting one living target within 60'. The wearer must succeed at a Perform(any except act or comedy) check against the DC of the affliction. If the check is successful, the affliction is instantaneously expelled from the target.
The wearer may, as an immediate action, affect a new host with the expelled affliction by making a Charisma check (see chart below). The new host must be an animal or vermin within 60' that is visible to the wearer and of a type susceptible to the affliction. If no suitable host is within 60', or if the Charisma check fails, the affliction appears as a vortex of foul air (treat as an air elemental; see chart below) which single-mindedly attacks its former host until either it is destroyed, he is slain, or one minute has passed.
Affliction DC Elemental Size Charisma Check DC
12 or less Small 12
13-14 Medium 14
15-18 Large 15
19-22 Huge 16
23-26 Greater 17
27+ Elder 18
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, eagle's splendor, remove curse, remove disease, creator must have the bardic performance class ability; Cost 5,000 gp
Wreath of the Ancient Preserver [275 words]
Brace yourself, I've got a bucket-load for you. I find your item interesting, both for your core idea, but also because you make several very common mistakes that the judges have addressed previously.
Sum up your item
When designing a magic item, I find it useful to try and sum up the item in a single sentence. this helps you focus on the core idea of your item, and identify the main powers. Right now, what I get from your item is "This is a Headband of Alluring Charisma +2 that allows a bard to pull out curses and diseases out of people and use them to attack animals and vermin.". Is this what you want your item to be? If not, try and rewrite that sentence, and use it as a focal point when working out your design.
+2 CHA bonus
Did you read Andrew Black's advice above? Go read it again. It is great advice. By having the first line of the description state that the wreath grants a +2 bonus to CHA, you are making several mistakes:
1)Your item is now effectively an existing magic item with added benefits. As such, you are not forcing your bard to make a choice, but letting them have their cake and eat it too. If you have a regular Headband of Alluring Charisma +2 and a Wreath of the Ancient Preserver, there is no reason not to pick the wreath. This is thinking like a player, not a designer. In fact, I would strongly advice that you avoid including stat bonuses alltogether when designing new items.
2)Don't bury the lead. The main power of your item is the disease/curse mechanic. This is interesting and cool. A +2 bonus to CHA is not interesting and cool, so why are you presenting that first?
3)Where is the theme linking pulling diseases and curses out of people with a bonus to charisma?
Why is this a bard item?
I think you are making a mistake by making this a bard item. Removing curses and diseases is traditionally the stichk of the cleric, oracle and witch. Yet none of them can use the item. You should always be very careful when you are taking class abilities from one class and giving them to another. What this item does is make it less interesting to play a cleric or witch, and more interesting to play a bard.
In the essay "How NOT to design a magic item", Wolfgang Baur wrote "Wondrous items are not meant to solve all of the problems a game might provide. On the contrary, they are meant to provide focused power around a theme or to extend a character concept." (my emphasis). How is messing with curses and diseases extending the concept of a bard?
Also, you list bardic performance as a construction requirement, but also remove disease, which is not a bard spell.
Why would I want to use your item?
As written, you item allows you to remove curses and diseases, and potentially use them to attack animals and vermin (why only these?). First off, the game already has a way to remove diseases and curses - the spells by the same name. Second, you can use the stuff you pull out to attack others, but only a very narrow range of targets. This hardly seems worth it, compared to the risk of the nasty stuff turning right around and attacking the original host. In the end, I would probably prefer just have one of the multitude of classes that can cast remove curse or remove disease on me do so, or use a potion or a scroll.
My advice would be to take another hard look at your item, and try to focus on the core idea. You have a decent core idea, you just have to work at bringing it out. Be prepared to sacrifice some of your "darlings" and make the adjustments needed to make the item tight and interesting. Hope it helps.
That was one of the reasons for me setting the challenge - we always grow when we try to stretch the boundaries, so well done on giving this a try.
Leystone of Multiplicity [198 words]
I'm probably mad, but I rather like the name.
Aura strong (no school);
Template fu is perusing the books now - I hear him muttering "How can nothing have a strength? Is it possible?"
I've not seen this before - I don't think this is valid, but if there is an example in the prd - please point me to it.
For your description, instead of spell in a can, it basically is a feat in a can, so revisiting the effect might be a good idea as it currently stands.
A really unusual item on the whole though, it was the first time I saw one that has no spells involved in its creation - a very interesting and novel twist. I really have no idea how this would have gone down as an entry - it's just so unusual.
Wow, lot's to think and ponder on this one - a great entry for discussion and thought in a practice thread - many thanks.
I took this directly from the Aura line of metamagic rods as appearing in my printing of the CRB. In 3.5 it would have read "strong universal" which might have been what you were expecting to see.
I agree that it would be better as a unique effect from the aura, but I was playing mainly with the idea of being able to activate or change the the aura by hitting it with a spell. I think that while a metamagic rod, for example is a textbook FIAK, this distinguishes itself by becoming a tactical feature of the combat. In a subsequent draft a good priority would be to think of a more creative effect.
I would love to hear what conclusions you come to about it.
Leystone of Multiplicity [198 words]
This is interesting, but I'm not sure about making it a heavy stone column that can't be easily moved. PC's won't be able to take it with them, unless they dismantle the dungeon to do so. So is it a magic item, a plot device, a hazard or what?
Consider what Neil wrote as part of his evaluation of my round 2 organization (emphasis mine).
Don't lose sight, however, of the goals in each of these assignments. All of these tests are building towards an adventure proposal. This round is testing your ability to string together a villain, some minions, and a goal in the form of an organization...and all of those elements, when combined, can create a useful scenario for adventures in the world of Golarion. The next round involves monsters. And, it's not all that hard to figure out how they'll play a role in adventure design, as well. Your sunrise shawl helped determine how well you can craft a compelling magic item to serve as a reward for PCs who go through such an adventure, too. So, file away all these lessons round by round. The final exam is just down the road and you will be tested once more on how well you can put these things together.
If the PC's can't take the reward with them, it's not much of a reward.
Brace yourself, I've got a bucket-load for you. I find your item interesting, both for your core idea, but also because you make several very common mistakes that the judges have addressed previously.
Jacob, I'm going to spend a couple days mulling this item around before I come back to it, but I just wanted to thank you straightaway for your excellent critique. Good, targeted feedback such as yours is basically the best thing in the world that can happen to an aspiring designer. Thanks!
Also, as others besides you may wonder where I'm getting my theme from, I'd like to share the "flavor" text I was working with. It's a wikipedia section on Apollo, the Greek god who strutted about in a laurel wreath.
Healer and god-protector from evil
The function of Apollo as a "healer" is connected with Paean (Παιών-Παιήων), the physician of the Gods in the Iliad, who seems to come from a more primitive religion. Paeοn is probably connected with the Mycenean Pa-ja-wo, but the etymology is the only evidence. He did not have a separate cult, but he was the personification of the holy magic-song sung by the magicians that was supposed to cure disease. Later the Greeks knew the original meaning of the relevant song "paeαn" (παιάν). The magicians were also called "seer-doctors" (ιατρομάντεις), and they used an ecstatic prophetic art which was used exactly by the god Apollo at the oracles.[34] In the Iliad, Apollo is the healer under the gods, but he is also the bringer of disease and death with his arrows, similar to the function of the terrible Vedic god of disease Rudra.[35] He sends a terrible plague (λοιμός) to the Achaeans. The god who sends a disease can also prevent from it, therefore when it stops they make a purifying ceremony and offer him an "hecatomb" to ward off evil. When the oath of his priest appeases, they pray and with a song they call their own god, the beautiful Paean.[36] Some common epithets of Apollo as a healer are "paion" (παιών:touching), "epikourios" (επικουρώ:help), "oulios" (ουλή:cured wound), and "loimios" (λοiμός:plague). In classical times, his strong function in popular religion was to keep away evil, and was therefore called "apotropaios" (αποτρέπω:to divert) and "alexikakos" (αλέξω-κακό:defend, throw away the evil).[37] In later writers, the word, usually spelled "Paean", becomes a mere epithet of Apollo in his capacity as a god of healing.[38]
Homer illustrated Paeon the god, and the song both of apotropaic thanksgiving or triumph.[citation needed] Such songs were originally addressed to Apollo, and afterwards to other gods: to Dionysus, to Apollo Helios, to Apollo's son Asclepius the healer. About the 4th century BCE, the paean became merely a formula of adulation; its object was either to implore protection against disease and misfortune, or to offer thanks after such protection had been rendered. It was in this way that Apollo had become recognised as the god of music. Apollo's role as the slayer of the Python led to his association with battle and victory; hence it became the Roman custom for a paean to be sung by an army on the march and before entering into battle, when a fleet left the harbour, and also after a victory had been won.
EDIT: Also, a big thank you to Andrew Black and Set for their feedback above.
Jacob, I'm going to spend a couple days mulling this item around before I come back to it, but I just wanted to thank you straightaway for your excellent critique. Good, targeted feedback such as yours is basically the best thing in the world that can happen to an aspiring designer. Thanks!
I'm glad you find my advice useful, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you apply it.
Also, as others besides you may wonder where I'm getting my theme from, I'd like to share the "flavor" text I was working with. It's a wikipedia section on Apollo, the Greek god who strutted about in a laurel wreath.
This is an interesting insight, but also serves to highlight that you should be careful about shaping your item to fit your source of inspiration. Your design choices make much more sense when you read this text - but the judges don't do that. Your item has to be able to stand on it's own.
Look over the text again, but this time, keep the conventions of the game (class balance and roles, existing mechanics etc.) firmly in mind.
AHaflingNotAHobit, that is a very cool source of inspiration. makes some very good points especial reminding us that the item has to stand on its own. When I read your text on Apollo I don't see anything that suggests Charisma, but I do see stuff about healing songs, disease, healing, and evil. Look at all the spells that have something to do with those topics and see what inspires you. Also, keep in mind that Pathfinder classes like Bard, Cleric, and Druid become game terms that define certain characteristics that have a rules effect in the function of the game. Those words have very different meanings when we apply them to historical cultures and ancient real world mythologies. Take a look at the Perform skill, it can be used untrained by any class. Perhaps it can somehow fit into your design as the way the item functions, that could open this item up to being used by all classes, with bards being better at it than others. Also look at the pantheon of gods in Golarion, which ones might fulfill the role of Apollo as the curer of disease and protector from evil? Looking at the domains associated with them might give you ideas on how or who might have made this item, what spells they might use and it could create a good Golarion tie in that helps enhance this item. BE CAREFULL and avoid the SAK and the SIAC traps.
Another point to add to the Apollo inspiration angle is that not everything works as a magic item. I could see this as a bardic performance for the songhealer archetype or a witch hex.
This is interesting, but I'm not sure about making it a heavy stone column that can't be easily moved. PC's won't be able to take it with them, unless they dismantle the dungeon to do so. So is it a magic item, a plot device, a hazard or what?
It is not intended to be attached to the floor, only placed there, thus the listed weight of 25 lbs. and the bit about placing it and moving it. In a subsequent draft I will try to make that more clear, thanks for mentioning it.
Another point to add to the Apollo inspiration angle is that not everything works as a magic item. I could see this as a bardic performance for the songhealer archetype or a witch hex.
That is a good point, the way it is now I could see that easy. I think that is why I am encouraging looking at other spells to see how it could tweak into a nicely themed item with less focus on the bard ability to make it function. While they have a place in the game, Magic Items that are tailored to fit one class are less SuperStar..IMO.
FWIW, what I've drawn from this is that there is a time to use inspiration, and a time to move on past inspiration--taking the best part with you but declining to create a product that is directly analogous to your source material.
EDIT: Also, I'm posting under the influence, so this may make a lot less sense when I come back and read it tomorrow.
I think most dungeon dressing items are going to be difficult to carry around. In this case, it's still doable. I can definitely see, for example, my wizard running around with one of these on a floating disc and wrangling it to the ground before a fight. (That pesky 6 Str is an issue for him). Though one of my first thoughts was "25 lb. for a waist-high stone column? That seems low".
I like it conceptually, and I think it needs a bit of wording revision (it wasn't quite clear at a fast read that you effectively power it by casting a spell into it - and it seems limited to spells you can actually cast on an object, which may severely limit usability if you need to have the right evocation spell available to activate it).
The portability issue is going to come up with my amphorae as well, though in both cases I think that by the time you can be likely to find them, you'll have access to a bag of holding or at the very least, a couple strong characters and a wagon. (In the Kingmaker game my wizard is in, we put in an order for a wagon almost immediately.)
Really, the way I see it, dungeon dressing items are:
a) unslotted
b) not necessarily easily portable, but portable
c) more the sort of thing you take to your home base than something you pull out in a fight
The appeal is different, really. It's less something you use on the battlefield and more something you use in camp, or at the inn, or in your base, if you have one. And I've had another very rough idea for one. I hope to get at least the amphorae or this new idea down today.
Jacob T. (or anyone else), what'd you think of the oar?
Landlubber's oar [254 words]
You have a really good unified theme going here which very effectively unites a variety of powers, however I am having trouble picturing this item in use. I think that you would be better off to have it make a spectral longboat when used, both to make the theme a little tighter, and to avoid the somewhat wacky image of a barbarian warrior rowing at the air with this single oar and flying along at 120' per round.
A few questions to consider:
I'm a little bit hazy on the vehicle rules but if the user is moving at maximum speed, how much extra duration does the deceleration give him, and can he steer or otherwise maneuver during this time?
How steep an incline can the user row up? Can he get moving at maximum speed and then jump long distances?
If used as a paddle on a ship, it doubles the ship's rate of movement.
I see why this is on the item, but it might be a little bit superfluous, if the item is a "landluber's oar", why does it need to help you both on land and at sea. What kind of bonus is it? Doe sit stack for multiple oars? Does it help a wind/magic/steam powered ship? These are all questions that I had reading this ability.
If used as a weapon, treat it as a club+1 with a 10-foot reach.
I really like the ability to use it as a weapon, giving the Ulfen warrior you mentioned a reason to carry it around. Also the image of a barbarian bludgeoning things to death with an oar is quite memorable.
Jacob T. (or anyone else), what'd you think of the oar?
To be honest, i haven't given it much thought, since it seems to use the vehicle rules, which I'm not familiar with. I'll take a look at it later tonight and post my thoughts.
Likewise, I'm not familiar with the vehicle rules. Seeing "needs to accelerate normally" definitely threw me.
And so far my vision of it is a guy sitting on the ground rowing... and somehow hurtling through a field like that. Which is weird and a bit incoherent.
I agree with the above, when I imagine someone using the Landlubbers Oar I can't shake the image of my dog scooting across the rug scratching its but. I also don't know the vehicle rules at all so I can't give a fair evaluation on the crunch you have. I like the name, but think the visual needs some work. I liked the idea of an item that lets you move across land like a boat, but I don't know how that works rules wise. I also was confused on how this item could work for an individual and as part of a boat. There seems some inconsistency there that feels "off" to me. I hope that helps some.
Ok, here we go with some dungeon dressing. It has less Greek flavor than I had originally intended, being essentially limited to the form of the mirror itself, as beaten & polished metal rather than glass.
Mirror of Lies Revealed [227 words]
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 15,000 gp; Weight 70 lb.
Description
This large mirror is made of silver, beaten into a 2 ft. by 4 ft. sheet and polished mostly smooth. An image reflected in the mirror is blurry and distorted, owing to the ripples and dents in the metal. The mirror reflects everything in a 30 ft. cone; creatures and objects further away are too distorted to make out. Even though the image is generally poor, the mirror reveals that which is concealed.
In their reflections in the mirror, creatures and objects affected by illusion (glamer) effects, or that have their shapes or appearances changed, are outlined with a pale glow similar to faerie fire. Invisible creatures and objects within the space the mirror reflects appear as outlines in the mirror. The creature or object itself is not outlined; only its reflection in the mirror. The mirror does not reveal what is changed or hidden about the creature or object, or how; only that something is changed or hidden.
A creature looking in the mirror can use this to identify what space an invisible creature is in, but all creatures gain concealment against the creature looking in the mirror (and the invisible creature has total concealment as normal).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, symbol of revelation; Cost 7,500 gp
I'm not quite happy with the wording; I think it's clear enough, but clunky and a little awkward.
Price is... well, basically, I think it's probably well underpriced, but I decided to get lazy and peg it smack dab at the top end of this round's price range. It's based pretty heavily on symbol of revelation, but it's permanent. Of course, it also only affects the reflection in the mirror, whereas something like a symbol of revelation can be put at the entrance, and people will glow for an hour or so; in this case unless someone is watching them as they pass through the area the mirror reflects, the effect is irrelevant. I'd say a minimum of 30,000 gp, since it is weaker than a permanent symbol.
Weight is huge, but it's meant to be mounted on a wall or table, not carried around during combat. (I actually ran through the math based on the density of silver, and this is about right for the size... but the real point is that it's big, and heavy, enough that if you want to use it in combat, you're pretty much spending a character's actions every turn just to hold it; that lets me feel good at least about ignoring the unslotted nature.)
Once I came up with the name (a bit quickly), I wanted to throw a discern lies tied effect in as well. But not only would that have put the price far, far above, but it also narrowed the crafters out (down to cleric/oracle/witch, so not as bad as I thought at first). But adding a Will negates (DC 16, presumably, as a 4th-level spell) effect that displays an indicator over your reflection if you tell a lie within 30 ft. would be way too much.
I'm still batting around the amphorae idea; in simple terms, 2 or 3 (I'd prefer 3, but that gets overly complicated) large urns that fill up with liquid. Each liquid has a specific effect. Mixing the liquids, however, has different (but more powerful) effects. The combined effect should lose something from the individual effects.
Got another one.
Hoplite’s Tunic [211 words]
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot chest; Price 17,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.
Description
This thick, quilted tunic is designed to be worn under armor, for the wearer’s comfort and ease of movement. The hem is decorated with interlocking runic patterns.
When a creature wears a hoplite’s tunic under armor, the armor counts as one category lighter for the purposes of movement and encumbrance, but not other limitations (such as a bard‘s ability to cast spells in light armor). Heavy armor is treated as medium, and medium armor is treated as light, but light armor is still treated as light. A creature must still be proficient in the actual type of armor to avoid adding the armor’s check penalty to all his attack rolls and skill checks that involve moving. The weight of this armor, while worn over the padding, also is reduced by half, and the armor check penalty is reduced by 1 (to a minimum of 0).
The padding also grants the wearer a +2 competence bonus on checks made to bull rush a foe, and a +2 competence bonus to his Combat Maneuver Defense when an opponent tries to bull rush or trip him.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bull’s strength, effortless armor; Cost 8,500 gp
This is pretty much my exact original idea for this item, though I adjusted the name. The biggest problem I have with it is that this lets you gain most of the benefits of mithral armor in a way other than making the armor mithral. It has other features as well, fitting the theme of the hoplite's phalanx formation and tactics. It's expensive enough, overall, that you don't really go for it over mithral, I think, unless you want a different material for your armor. I'd like to review alternative chest slot items, but I really can't get to that.
I priced it based on heavy armor's mithral cost modifier; I would prefer to price based on medium armor, but that seems to be unfairly favoring someone who uses this with full plate, and the alternative would be limiting this to only work on medium or light armor. Which might actually be reasonable. In that case, 10,000 gp sounds just about right. As it is, I pushed above the 15,000 price limit by a little (9,000 + 5,000 x 1.5; rounded from 16,500 up to 17,000).