Dad Responds To His Daughter's Facebook Rant


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Sovereign Court

Is this how I would deal with it?

No.

Does that make him a bad parent / idiot / whatever?

No.

It might be dramatic and showy but ultimately he just took away a thing that his kid was using to do negative things.

The gun thing is odd, I guess the UK version would probably be to leave it outside in the rain for a few weeks.

I'm not really in a position to judge this guy, although lots of other people on this thread do seem to know him well enough to pass judgement - small world.

Sovereign Court

meatrace wrote:

I'm very happy to hear that my Paizo comrades are more reasonable and level-headed than most of the posters on Youtube or FB.

I'm sick of hearing crap like "she deserved it" yadda yadda. He's the parent, he's the adult, he needs to grow up. Punishment is one thing, this is more like retaliation which is just petty and counter to his purpose which should be realizing the ACTUAL ramifications of her actions, not manufacturing new ones.

Just because he has the right to do what he did doesn't mean it WAS right. There's a pretty vast gulf of distinction there.

Basically, this guy is a jackass and not a responsible parent. I'm sure everyone who has ever raised a teenager wishes he could have done what he did, and I'm sure at the time it was emotionally satisfying, but that sort of knee-jerk response rarely makes good parenting.

My wife and I are proud of the gentleman and his actions, we both watched the video, laughed, applauded when he put the bullets through the laptop and cheered when the guy said she could have one again when she buys it with the money she earned.

My wife's half-sister was much worst than this kid, using facebook to post comments of a sexual nature (while underaged) and did not get the concept that "just talking about it, not actually doing it" is just as damaging to her as actually just as bad as doing it. When she got in trouble for it, she just did the same thing this girl did, continue the behavior and just block family. If her dad had done something like this maybe she would have learned as well, unfortunately she has a mother who doesn't care and won't discipline so unfortunately the girl has just wasted her life so far.

This guy is a good parent, and his reaction was %100 reasonable and I applaud it.


There's a difference between being Head of Household and "therefore his word is law."

It's that attitude that's backward and caveman.

Especially when dealing with teenagers. Sure, they're still kids and need rules and guidance, but it isn't all that long before they'll be out in the world on their own and expected to be able to run their own lives. It's not a good idea to go directly from "Your word is law" to "You're on your own".

Of course, it's worse if the "Father's word is law" also applies to the mother...


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

No, it's not backward nor caveman to say that whatever sex the head of said household is, that what they say goes. That's a given. At no point does a child's 'say' trump their parent's. This does not mean that a child is a mindless robot only obeying programmed comamnds until the magical day it's released into the wild. What is it with the absurd analogies? Setting boundaries and using common sense rules in your household with children better prepare them for the real world, where, as we adults know, don't get to do just whatever we want wherever we want without consequenses, financial or otherwise.

This is, of course, assuming that the parent's 'say' is legal and makes sense...


Leafar's word is the law, puny mortals.

But anyway, I think explosions and firearms should be used more frequently and in creative ways, in disciplining children. Filthy little buggers.

Anyway, fun little news story. Daughter b$@%%es on Facebook about how Dad is making her do chores. Dad finds it, reads it, publicly shames her and shoots a laptop. Hee hee!

What else is there to say?

Shadow Lodge

A goblin, advocating more explosions and firearm use? How typical.


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Kryzbyn wrote:

No, it's not backward nor caveman to say that whatever sex the head of said household is, that what they say goes. That's a given. At no point does a child's 'say' trump their parent's. This does not mean that a child is a mindless robot only obeying programmed comamnds until the magical day it's released into the wild. What is it with the absurd analogies? Setting boundaries and using common sense rules in your household with children better prepare them for the real world, where, as we adults know, don't get to do just whatever we want wherever we want without consequenses, financial or otherwise.

This is, of course, assuming that the parent's 'say' is legal and makes sense...

Does "whatever sex the head of said household is, that what they say goes", apply to other adults in the household? Spouse, if no one else?

"Word is law", which was the original phrase, implies to me: No discussion, no backtalk, no explanation, no negotiation. Maybe that isn't what it implies to you?

Of course setting boundaries and using common sense rules is a better way to prepare them for the real world. I'd see that as a good middle ground between "My word is Law" and "Do whatever you want".
Those boundaries and rules should become looser as the child grows and becomes more capable of making her own decisions - Also not implied by "My word is law", which would seem to apply equally to a toddler and a senior in high school.

I've also never actually seen close up a family with a "Head of Household" in this sense. Most that I know seem to share authority between both parents, with major decisions being negotiated between them, sometimes involving older children. Sometimes out of view of the kids, so they can present a united front.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

It can. It didn't work that way in my house growing up, but it did in my uncles.

I didn't read tyranny into "My word is the law", no.

This is pretty much how I grew up. I was never successful at playing one parent vs. the other, and neither of them contradicted the other in front of me. But I definately had the impression Dad had the last word.


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Personally, I wouldn't have married any woman with so little self-respect that she'd obey my every command like a meek little slave. I want a partner, not a subordinate.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Neither do I, and I don't.
But apparently some guys do, and some women want men like that.

Grand Lodge

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Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook Subscriber

My mother was once talking to my wife about things I needed to get done, and said "Well, you should just MAKE him do it." My wife looked at her and responded with "Are we talking about the same person? When have you ever been able to make HIM do something he didn't want to do?" My mother agreed she had a good point.


But then your wife has access to a whole ´nother set of pressure points available. Kudos to her and congratulations to you for such a good one, as she doesn´t even think to use them.
I, for one, have always suspected that women in general, everywhere and always, wield more power than is apparent on first glance, or even is allowed by law or tradition. They CAN be subtle, if they have to.


Blah blah blah!

This little Jezebel lives in my house and eats up all my frozen pizzas and is always needing things that I have to buy, like gewgaws and clothes, and now she's yippin' and yappin' on teh interwebz 'cuz I makes her do dishes and now she's comparing me to Jefferson Davis!

[Shoots laptop]

All hail Leafar!

Liberty's Edge

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I'm a bit conflicted in regards to this whole thing. On one hand I can appreciate this guy teaching his daughter a lesson about appreciating what she has but on the other I think he crossed some dangerous lines himself.

A) Hacking your daughter's facebook account or otherwise working your way around her efforts to hide her thoughts from you is teaching her what exactly? Kids need a place to vent about their parents/school/life. Would her tirade have been okay if it had been in a private conversation with a friend? What about a journal?

B) What is destroying her laptop teaching her that simply taking it away and selling it/donating it/putting it in storage for the next couple years couldn't accomplish? How are you teaching her the value of a dollar by literally throwing hundreds away?


Feral wrote:

I'm a bit conflicted in regards to this whole thing. On one hand I can appreciate this guy teaching his daughter a lesson about appreciating what she has but on the other I think he crossed some dangerous lines himself.

A) Hacking your daughter's facebook account or otherwise working your way around her efforts to hide her thoughts from you is teaching her what exactly? Kids need a place to vent about their parents/school/life. Would her tirade have been okay if it had been in a private conversation with a friend? What about a journal?

For the love o' mike... He didn't "hack" her account. She left the post public to an account he uses - the dog's facebook page.

This is not an invasion of privacy. It's an invasion of common sense on her part to make sure that if she was going to start badmouthing her parents and demeaning a family friend (the "cleaning lady"), she should have made sure that ALL of her potential leaks were plugged.

His full exposition is listed in this thread. I'm willing to accept that it is what it says on the face of it.


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Feral wrote:
How are you teaching her the value of a dollar by literally throwing hundreds away?

Figuratively, not literally.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber
Feral wrote:

I'm a bit conflicted in regards to this whole thing. On one hand I can appreciate this guy teaching his daughter a lesson about appreciating what she has but on the other I think he crossed some dangerous lines himself.

A) Hacking your daughter's facebook account or otherwise working your way around her efforts to hide her thoughts from you is teaching her what exactly? Kids need a place to vent about their parents/school/life. Would her tirade have been okay if it had been in a private conversation with a friend? What about a journal?

He did not hack it. Re-read the update post I put up.

Feral wrote:
B) What is destroying her laptop teaching her that simply taking it away and selling it/donating it/putting it in storage for the next couple years couldn't accomplish? How are you teaching her the value of a dollar by literally throwing hundreds away?

Agreed. This is the only questionable choice.

Sovereign Court

A) it wasn't hacking she posted something online and he saw it because posting something online means everyone sees it, I don't care what protections you think you've put up, hell facebook could've just used it in an advertisement if they wanted to, it's in their terms of service. She had done this before even and he did just temporarily take it away, and she didn't learn the lesson. Hell what if he had just been told by one of the other kids that's friends with his daughters parents? How is it invading your kids privacy when they put it up publicly? And why should the kid even be allowed to block their parents in the first place. There's nothing an underage person should be putting online that their parents shouldn't be able to see. To answer your questions yes it would have been okay to have that tirade to a friend or in a journal because that's private. A child should have privacy, but there is no such thing as online privacy.

B)putting it in storage for a few years is the same as destroying it, by the time you pull it out, it is so far behind current technology that it's only good for the stuff you had when you had it, great if technology stays in the exact same place. As for the value, he's showing her that when she's earned the money to buy it she can destroy it however she wants, just like he did :).

Sovereign Court

Stuffy Grammarian wrote:
Feral wrote:
How are you teaching her the value of a dollar by literally throwing hundreds away?
Figuratively, not literally.

I love you; be my bride.


lastknightleft wrote:
I love you, be my bride.

I might have been tempted, had you used a semicolon instead of a comma.

Sovereign Court

Stuffy Grammarian wrote:
lastknightleft wrote:
I love you, be my bride.
I might have been tempted, had you used a semicolon instead of a comma.

Then like Pepe LePue before me, I shall pursue you until my unrequited love is requited.


I presume you're referring to Pepe Le Pew, n'est-ce pas?


I'm still unsure here. I've revisited his story on how he discovered the post, and while it's on the outliers of possibility(the dog has a Facebook account? Stranger things have happened, I guess...) it is still a change in his story from what he initially said (and quite a change -bragging about your leet IT background and that your child was foolish to ever use a computer against you runs at considerable odds against denouncing your kid as an idiot for forgetting to block the dog's Facebook Page). There's something here I just don't buy, I would be interested in hearing more from the other side of the equation.

Sovereign Court

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Stuffy Grammarian wrote:
I presume you're referring to Pepe Le Pew, n'est-ce pas?

I only know English and THE... ENGLISH... YOU... USE... WHEN... TALKING... TO... PEOPLE... WHO... DON'T... KNOW... ENGLISH.

Silver Crusade

Kirth Gersen wrote:
Personally, I wouldn't have married any woman with so little self-respect that she'd obey my every command like a meek little slave. I want a partner, not a subordinate.

If I wanted a subordinate I would have stayed in the military.

Silver Crusade

Freehold DM wrote:
I'm still unsure here. I've revisited his story on how he discovered the post, and while it's on the outliers of possibility(the dog has a Facebook account? Stranger things have happened, I guess...)

I have contemplated setting up a Facebook account for my cat. But only when I was on some really good painkillers.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Yeah I know people who have facebook pages for their infants...

For the love of Pete.


I know people with Facebook accounts for their pets.

Facebook and other social media are a very dangerous realm for kids her age. Part of my job is dealing with situations where kids use Facebook and messaging in order to incite and follow through on sexual acts, and drug use when they often do not have the maturity to deal with these choices or their various possible outcomes. Very unsavory people use these social media outlets to meet these kids and engage in this behavior. Often using their age and greater experience to lead kids in poor directions. Regardless of opinions on whether he should have shot the laptop or posted his message on Facebook, I believe he was absolutely right to get access to her accounts, and if she is unwilling to provide it, use what means are necessary to monitor her use. Facebook and social media are far different than a diary. An adult isn't going to write something in a fifteen year old's diary to encourage her to meet him for a sexual liaison.


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Yeah and lets not let the kids out of the house either. They might meet drug dealers or get picked up by some predator.
Wait, better not let them stay home either. Most child sexual abuse is done by people known and close to the family.
</snark>
But seriously, I understand that it is a real problem. But, it really isn't that common. Your perspective may be skewed because you're dealing with this all the time, so it seems common to you.

Even if it is appropriate for a parent to monitor the kid's social media use, they shouldn't do it secretly. It's one thing to not let the kid use facebook, or require her to allow them access, but to let her think it's private, so she's willing to say things she doesn't want them to see, then read it anyway. That's a betrayal of trust and there's no reason for it.


I thing about "Word is Law", if parents say they will punish their kids but never do it, the kids will take it as "we don't have to listen/obey".


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That's the problem with it?

And if they punish their kids harshly for things that shouldn't be a big deal, they'll just teach their kids to cover their tracks better.

I mean what did this kid learn from this: Don't forget to block the dog too.


Yeah I'm seeing this as an overreach by the father involved. Now granted her rant was probably excessive, biased, and filled with profanity. However blowing a hole through her computer isn't going to teach her to respect anyone, or change her opinion. It might teach her that firearms are a great way to solve interpersonal problems, and how to be a passive aggressive jerk, but not how to solve problems with any degree of success.


thejeff wrote:

That's the problem with it?

And if they punish their kids harshly for things that shouldn't be a big deal, they'll just teach their kids to cover their tracks better.

I mean what did this kid learn from this: Don't forget to block the dog too.

.

.
Balancing the level of punishment? Fair and moderate to start, getting harsher as needed.

One possible problem is that some parents underreact to big things and overreact to small ones, in that case, their parenting is probably not the only thing suffering from it.


Abraham spalding wrote:
Yeah I'm seeing this as an overreach by the father involved. Now granted her rant was probably excessive, biased, and filled with profanity. However blowing a hole through her computer isn't going to teach her to respect anyone, or change her opinion. It might teach her that firearms are a great way to solve interpersonal problems, and how to be a passive aggressive jerk, but not how to solve problems with any degree of success.

.

.
Gotta agree, I hope the guy knows he should keep that gun out of his daughter's reach.


Acolyte of Leafar the Loved wrote:

Blah blah blah!

This little Jezebel lives in my house and eats up all my frozen pizzas and is always needing things that I have to buy, like gewgaws and clothes, and now she's yippin' and yappin' on teh interwebz 'cuz I makes her do dishes and now she's comparing me to Jefferson Davis!

[Shoots laptop]

All hail Leafar!

Once again, my Acolyte has shown true wisdom. This father's daughter needs to know her place. This episode will make it more difficult for him to find her a husband one day...

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