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Hey, I've been playing Pathfinder for almost two years now and I love it. Just recently I started looking into the PFS stuff and I'm really psyched to start. The only problem is I can't decide on a faction. So I thought it'd be fun if people tried to convince me to join theirs. I've come up with a few rules:
- You can only post once.
- You must post as your PFS Character.
- 50 words or less.
I will pick a winner after a few days. What does the winner get? Well, you'll have successfully added another member to your faction. I will also set my main accounts faction icon to the winning factions icon permanently.
If it helps your spiel the classes I was interested in playing are Fighter, Oracle, Summoner, and Wizard. I usually play human.
Now sell me your faction!
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Rambling Scribbler was right. I'm sure that I'll be rambling and scribbling - I do expect you to read this as there will be a test afterwards. We don't just let anybody in the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction.
I would like to post as Gen. Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfling Trebuchet of the TALDORAN Trebuchet Army in Absalom, however, as Venture-Captains, we are only permitted to post as our main alias in the PFS threads. Therefore, I cannot do as you originally requested. So onto the next best thing...
Dear Potential Member -
I am Gen. Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfling Trebuchet of the TALDORAN Trebuchet Army in Absalom, founder and General of the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction."
I am the only known member in the Society that is loyal to their home faction, TALDOR, as well as a founding member of another faction that is on the 'verge' of overtaking the original faction. Because that's a lot to type out each time, I'll just reference the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction as the Gen. Goldfrapp Faction. Although, I do love seeing my name in print.
So, why the Gen. Goldfrapp Faction?
When I, Gen. Goldfrapp, was in 'beta' testing, we played by some different rules. The Pathfinder Society that I was part of thought that they would like to be sent out as a group, thus I first went into business as a Rogue of TALDOR. After a one time adventure, many felt that they were 'constricted' and didn't wish to participate. Thus, I was needed to learn additional skills. When there was no fighter that the Society teamed me up with, it seemed me and my dog were the front line fighters.
However, in addition to needing to do everything myself, that often included getting into water. As a Halfling, I don't float too well with stuff. Thus, I felt it 'required' to get naked. After getting a sun-burn in the Qadiran deserts and learning that being naked in the sand you get chaffed, even if you have Protection form Elements on, I felt it would be best to pretty much live my life as a naked person - getting used to the spots. Of course, when you are swinging a Trebuchet like I am, well, it's a pride thing too.
I was able to join the Pathfinders at NeonCon 2009. I had a blast. Erik Mona introduced me to some of my fellow Pathfinders in the Spire of Nex. In that group is at least one other VC, a member that works for Paizo and a couple GM's that I admire. Needless to say, they adored me. I do remember Rene asking why I was calling myself the Trebuchet, and when we met a bad-ass wizard, I felt that I too was powerful, and thus to show my power I would enter his tent, baring just my Trebuchet. After exploring the Spire, we returned to Absalom.
There in Absalom once again, We were tasked to find a missing Pathfinder. Being a TALDORAN Bard (I don't know if I was really a bard yet, but I was on my to what I call a 1st Edition Bard. Having taken levels of Fighter and Rogue and all I needed was Druid), I declared the glory of TALDOR for all to hear. I must have been a bard, since I recall granting everybody a +1/+1 for detailing the Fourth Army of Exploration and how they had gone forth into the depths of the Mwangi and battled demons and beasts galore. In that battle with the big Frogemoth (the NeonCon Interactive, Cove of Secrets), I was informed by this 'ugly' Ulfen that dressed in Cheliaxian colors but secretly wanted to be TALDORAN but instead settled on Osiriani, that if I went naked and sang the glories of TALDOR, I would get tossed into the Bay. Well, true to his word. We were warned by a Mr. Frost that we had better do it in fun. Well, it was a long cliff. That evil Ulfen belonged to yet another VC, Eric Brittan.
During all this, of course, I declare it TALDORAN, and Eric likes to correct me as its Taldane. It doesn't really matter, so long as its all CAPITAL. (when I applied for my Venture-Captain position, I even listed that as one of my strengths). We still go back and forth.
I don't get to adventure with my fellow compatriots very often, with Theocrat Issak being Venture-Captain and all. At NeonCon 2010, I was able to be one of the main draws at the Procession Declaring Absalom something or rather [Shadow Lodge Event]. Who really cares why it was called - all I know is that me and my Liger [because Ligers are the Best, duh] were front and center in all our 'Splendor.' Yeah, yeah, there were a few other 'dignitaries' that were ahead of me, but no biggie. It's always the people at the end. You don't just watch the first couple minutes of a gladiator battle.
As I was now a 3rd Rogue, 2nd Fighter, 1 Druid (and I have a 10 Wis), 1 Bard and 1 Cavalier, it was my duty to protect my the future subjects of TALDOR - those Asalomonians. I did so, and myself and many other Pathfinders protected citizens around the city. VC JP was the GM. But, when it came down to it, while myself and my Liger were taking hits after hits after hits and some more, the neighboring group needed help fighting the Black Dragon. The GM called out asking for help, and 'lo and behold, there was GOLDFRAPP. Yes, there I was standing tall on the backs of my fellow Pathfinders declaring that the "Glory of TALDOR would carry us through the day, remember the Third Army of Exploration and how they conjured a win from the clutches of defeat.....[you get the idea]" and I granted my fellows across the room a +1/+1 bonus. I single-handedly saved the day. It was after this event that I was crowned General, by myself. I had the skills to take the Prestige Class, Battle Herald. To me, Heralds were like Avatars of deities, thus I must be like a Avatar of TALDOR. Thus, I must be a General. Viola. Thus, I became the General. As a General, I gained an Army. A sitting TALDORAN army in Absalom isn't permitted, however, Absalom needs Trebuchet's to protect its borders from the Siege Castles. Thus, I had Trebuchet's built. As a General and a having a swinging Trebuchet myself, well....Need I really say more?
I had only played that module during NeonCon until the the last session Sunday. During the Shadow Lodge event, there was a vote as to who was the best PFS GM, best Overall GM, and Best PFS Faction Player. Well, I am Goldfrapp, after all. I won a Bag of Holding with a CR, APG, B1, and GMG signed by Jason and a ton of other awesome stuff. It was after the con that I felt it was time to expand. Being a 'mere' General of a Standing TALDORAN Army in Absalom wasn't going to be enough. Especially with all this non-sense about five whole new groups popping up and some maybe defecting to other factions. I felt it was time to strike.
Thus, the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction" was born. Well, decried. Maybe even de-cry'd by some.
Thus, since the Pathfinder Society can only handle ten factions, one must go. Since the TALDORAN faction isn't officially going anywhere, and since Absalom doesn't want an official TALDORAN standing Army in their city, the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction has to take it slow. We'll be enveloping the TALDORAN faction soon, in a few years. We know that the Society is important, but being TALDORAN is an honor. Shhhh, says the society about your faction. I say "NO!" Declare your faction, out loud and with pride. Declare that you are proud of the TALDORAN History. We once ruled the Entire Inner Sea, even the Isle of Kortos, in fact, you'll note that the Absalom shield has the TALDORAN crown. That the title of the Emperor of TALDOR even includes something about Protector of Absalom.
If you want to be derided by other members of the Society, join the Erik Mona faction. Remember, back when Pathfinder was just getting started he was telling us about them, how their symbol was so cool. Yeah, but they follow the Master Manipulator. Can't be trusted. Additionally, they aren't really their own nation either. Or you can join those cockroaches to the south. Yeah, just like cockroaches, the 'Merchant Princes' are all over the place. Water Merchants? So their nation is so poor they can't even get water? I have it tapped, just pouring out of a spigot running over my swinging Trebuchet. Nasty people them Qadiran. Plus, they have attacked and ransacked several of our monasteries in the Zho Mountains, killing innocent women and children. Just think of the harm they could do if they were ever allowed into the Inner Sea.
The Osiriani? Really, they've been hoarding their past for so long and yet they've just started to sell out? Makes you think that they're broke. Well the TALDORAN Vaults are still so packed with plundered goods that we don't have taxes. Lastly, the 'winning' faction - the Andorans. They are all about Freedom. Ask around, how many 'assassinations or other 'keep it on the down low' things have you heard? Lots. Plus, they slaughter innocent druids until the TALDORAN's stepped in and made agreements with them that keep the woods growing and the timber flowing into Cassomir. Additionally, they were once part of TALDOR, just like Cheliax was. Thus even if you did join one of their factions, would you really be any different than being of TALDOR. Also TALDOR is all about being TALDOR. We relish in the fight, that we know we'll win. We adore the prestige that we once held, and know that it will be ours again (although under the un-seemingly notorious faction of "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction."
I could go on and on and on and on and on, but there really is not much more need. The "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction" is the only faction in which to choose. In addition to being a General, he is naked and he is played by a Venture-Captain. He is well 'liked' by other Venture-Captains, most notably the LA Venture-Captain as well as the SF Venture-Captain. I'm certain that once the other Venture-Captains get a chance to meet him at GenCon, I'm they'll be convincing Hyrum to include the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction" as the de facto faction of all those that don't really choose a faction.
I have a shirt made of his picture (a Halfing in red bikini briefs that have a smile on them and his Liger, Empress, drawn by Mortellan of WoG Comic fame). When I won the Bag of Holding my EVOL WifeFIEND had his image embroidered on the bag. She also had a patch made, which is on my backpack. So he's out there, getting exposed. Ha.
If ever there was a time for you to join a faction, this is the time and this is the faction.
Now, for the test. If the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction" were to accept you as a member, who would you be loyal to? Absalom of which you are directed to protect as a member of a standing army directed to protect the city or TALDOR of which has provided the standing army of which it is directed to protect the Emperors possessions of which Absalom is a direct and legal possession of TALDOR?
We look forward to our membership growing (HA!). Long live the Naked TALDORAN Trebuchets of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom.
Yours in Sincerity,
Gen. Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Trebuchet of the TALDORAN Trebuchet Army in Absalom
I appreciate the idea of this thread and I am quite certain that there will be many options for you to choose from in which many people will give positives and negatives of the various factions within the Society. Some say that the faction war should be secret and some say that it is open. Gen. Goldfrapp is of the latter, clearly proud of his TALDORAN heritage. With a dip into seven classes, there isn't much else other than his TALDORAN heritage in which to fall back on. And TALDOR has swinging Trebuchet's. How can you go wrong with that?
Theocrat Issak
Venture-Captain of the Las Vegas Lodge
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Ask yourself what kind of slave you want to be. A slave to crumbling decadence? A slave to infernal masters? A slave to objects? A slave to the past?
I choose to walk free in the blessed light of Sarenrae. All free thinking creatures deserve the choice of freedom.
Kuduro al-Lazuri
Priestess of Sarenrae
Freedom Fighter
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While Taldorans bloviate to anything they think is listening to them, Chelish walk around as dogs to their devilish masters, Andorans liberate the crusty mucus from the insides of their pig snouts, and Osirians comb their hair while raiding the latest worthless trinket; Qadirans are dominating them in the market, the only place that counts. Everyone has their own price.
Buy-in to Qadira, and you will be paid back three-fold.
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Ask yourself what kind of slave you want to be. A slave to crumbling decadence? A slave to infernal masters? A slave to objects? A slave to the past?
I choose to walk free in the blessed light of Sarenrae. All free thinking creatures deserve the choice of freedom.
Kuduro al-Lazuri
Priestess of Sarenrae
Freedom Fighter
Nice words coming from a dead cleric.
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This shouldn't be that hard.
You need to pick the faction with the loosest women (or men, should that be your preference). The devil worshiping Chelaxians aren't it, the Quadirans are too expensive, Osirions have sand in uncomfortable places, and the Andorans just whine about needing to be free.
The only obvious choice is Taldor.
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I realize that I was only to post once, and that I could only have 50 words or less. However, to clarify, just saying the following is 37 words:
I am Gen. Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfling Trebuchet of the TALDORAN Trebuchet Army in Absalom, founder and General of the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction."
I would not be able to explain how the newest faction came about or how awesome it is. And that is important. You need to know who your leader is and what things the faction stands for. You can read about the five factions from various sources - but until more members join the "The General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction" there is just no way to get that information out there. And it's important stuff. As it stands, each of the five factions have a nation standing behind them with source books that present a ton of information. Whereas, I Gen. Goldfrapp must stand in front of my faction and be the voice of the Trebuchet Army and pronounce its intentions, desires and aspirations.
Plus, with a TALDORAN name like Mister Slanky, Venture-Captain Ryan Bolduan of course would be an honorary member (HA!) of the Trebuchet's.
Therefore, I do believe I should be given leeway in the 50 words or less arena.
Yours in Sincerity,
Gen. Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Trebuchet of the TALDORAN Trebuchet Army in Absalom
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All of these posts were really fun to read. Thanks for posting guys.
But in the end I had to side with one. I've decided to join the Chelaxian faction. Not only did they follow my rules to a T, but they even managed to egg on another poster into disqualification.
I was offered coin, women, freedom, and even a position in the General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction!
I guess what I truly longed for was power. (that and barbecues >:D)
I look forward to ruling over the rest of you soon enough.
MM~
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All of these posts were really fun to read. Thanks for posting guys.
But in the end I had to side with one. I've decided to join the Chelaxian faction. Not only did they follow my rules to a T, but they even managed to egg on another poster into disqualification.
I was offered coin, women, freedom, and even a position in the General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction!
I guess what I truly longed for was power. (that and barbecues >:D)
I look forward to ruling over the rest of you soon enough.
MM~
Welcome to the Faction
Let the barbecue begin!
:-)
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Ah, I guess I missed trying to convince you. I was once a slave, so I know what it feels like to have someone try to dominate me. I killed them. I also know what it is like to be free. So in the name of freedom, and of Andoran, I must now devote my life to killing those like you.
Slaves, former slaves, even you can attend the barbecue :-)
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An excellent choice. Now, to maximize your chances of success, make sure to study as little as possible (as in, take a 7 Intelligence), and be entirely self-sufficient when you inevitably are asked to commit atrocities for the benefit of your new mistress (as in, don't ask other factions for help).
Best of luck to you!
-Gabrielle d'Apcher
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... But in the end I had to side with one. I've decided to join the Chelaxian faction. Not only did they follow my rules to a T, but they even managed to egg on another poster into disqualification...
Wanton destruction, cruel punishment of your foes, hedonistic orgies and all with a clean conscience!
I am sure you will enjoy yourself. My best regards and congratulations to the Paracountess.
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All of these posts were really fun to read. Thanks for posting guys.
But in the end I had to side with one. I've decided to join the Chelaxian faction. Not only did they follow my rules to a T, but they even managed to egg on another poster into disqualification.
I was offered coin, women, freedom, and even a position in the General Goldfrapp the Naked TALDORAN Halfing Trebuchet Army of the Trebuchet Army in Absalom Faction!
I guess what I truly longed for was power. (that and barbecues >:D)
I look forward to ruling over the rest of you soon enough.
MM~
Well said my wise brother, and welcome to our great Order!
Let the other factions squabble over petty coins, frivolous women, imagined freedoms and false prestige ... we will content ourselves with bringing Order to all nations, cultures and peoples. Even if we have to grind them underneath our iron heels.
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Would you rather face the full fury of a Pit Fiend or have one as a Military Adviser?Only an idiot would expect honest counsel from one of those things....
Ahh simple Andoran hubris ... a little late to the party are we child ... fret not, your failures will catch up with you in the fullness of time.
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You are also welcome to attend the barbecue.
I am sure you will love the sizzle.
Oh, have they discovered cuisine out in the provinces by now? How delightful!
Judging from the behaviour of the Chelaxians I've met, I assumed that when one is hungry in Cheliax, one would be reduced to taking a bite out raw stench kow or woolly mammoth or what have you.
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You are also welcome to attend the barbecue.
I am sure you will love the sizzle.
Oh, have they discovered cuisine out in the provinces by now? How delightful!
Judging from the behaviour of the Chelaxians I've met, I assumed that when one is hungry in Cheliax, one would be reduced to taking a bite out raw stench kow or woolly mammoth or what have you.
Hahaha
You really should drop by. I am sure the others would love to have you for dinner.
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Evidently none of you have read the Taldor section of the Inner Sea Guide. There is explains the nations or 'colonies' as I'd like to call them that once belonged to the Empire of Taldor. You will note that Cheliax is listed twice. We dominated the Cheliaxins so deeply they had a pity party and sniffled their way to a double listing.
Rules, the OP was leaning towards the Lord of Lies from the get go. If he wasn't he wouldn't have required a following of the rules to a T. But as it is a T stands for TALDOR and for Theocrat. I learned that on Sesame Street.
Be Well,
Theocrat Issak
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Evidently none of you have read the Taldor section of the Inner Sea Guide. There is explains the nations or 'colonies' as I'd like to call them that once belonged to the Empire of Taldor. You will note that Cheliax is listed twice. We dominated the Cheliaxins so deeply they had a pity party and sniffled their way to a double listing.
Rules, the OP was leaning towards the Lord of Lies from the get go. If he wasn't he wouldn't have required a following of the rules to a T. But as it is a T stands for TALDOR and for Theocrat. I learned that on Sesame Street.Be Well,
Theocrat Issak
Are you STILL bloviating? No wonder you guys are a failed empire on the decline. From now on, no Taldans will receive my clerical healings.
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'Tis an unfortunate course of events, to be certain, that my fellow brothers of Osirion did not avail themselves of this opportunity to bring another honoured family member into the fold. I deeply regret having been away from this congregation the mere span of half a fortnight.
Nevertheless, it is not surprising to see the greedy Qadirans, or the schemeing Chelaxians leap on what they likely percieve as a tasty morsel with which to toy.
Had I been able, I would have told tales of heroism and of long forgotten ancestors from times of greater glory. ... of duty, honour and loyalty. ... of the righteous cause of protecting one's ancestors and family, seeing that all that is theirs is given them, and devoting one's life to ensuring that none may bring harm to those you serve.
'Tis tragedy, I assure you, that you have chosen to consort with devils. You violate the traditions that men hold sacred. I am not talented in the art of prophecy, but, I firmly believe that you shall rue the day you made this choice. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow. But soon, and for the rest of your life ... for you have given your soul to the devils. Not traded it, mind you: given it freely.
[That was kind of fun, actually. Posting "In-character" what Qa'Pelos might have actually thought of it. Thanks for the OP. Good Times.]
