
Sharoth |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |

Ah, nothing like the loooooong moment of silence that lets you know you hit home.
Telephone Spammer: Hello, I am calling on behalf of Fake Company to see whether you qualify for vague California program. How are you today?
NobodysHome: (slowly) I'm... fine...
TS: OK, to make sure I am speaking to the right person, are you the homeowner?
NH: No... (pregnant pause)... I'm his prostitute.
(30 full seconds of dead, glorious silence)
TS: Oh, OK, sir. Then have a nice day, sir. Goodbye!
That is whore-able!

The Vagrant Erudite |
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The Vagrant Erudite wrote:Get well soon, TS. You'll be in my prayers.Thanks, VE, hope you can sort out your weight and back problems despite everything!
A briefly religious comment:
** spoiler omitted **
Hey, just cause I mock it doesn't mean I don't believe it. I make fun of everything.

Rosita the Riveter |
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Hey, Nobody's Home, do you still visit Disneyland Anaheim every year? I haven't since I was, like, 6, but I'm going in January. Long story short, I need to go to Mexico for two weeks for school, and all flights into Mexico City from the Bay Area suck because the school wouldn't clear us to buy airfare until there was no chance of good prices whatsoever. Being an intelligent, reasonable person, I booked a round trip from Los Angeles instead.
I'm taking Megabus down there on the January 3rd. Should get to downtown LA by 3PM. Then I can head to my hotel in Hollywood and drop my stuff off. Then see Star Wars at the Chinese Theater, since I won't be able to see it in December, and buy some dumb kitsch, and stuff. Maybe go to Universal Studios Hollywood on the 4th? I dunno. On the 5th I fly to Mexico City, and on the 17th I get back to Los Angeles, and head to a hotel in Anaheim that has a Disney shuttle. Where I really want to stay is the Castle Inn & Suites, but they only have availability on the 19th and 20th. However, they will let me store luggage before check in, so I'm gonna stay in the boring hotel the 17th and 18th, get up super early the 19th and drop my luggage off at the Castle Inn & Suites. I fly home on the 21st (flying down would have been ridiculously expensive, hence Megabus, but flying back is stupid cheap).
All this stupid babble aside, this leaves me with the 18th, 19th, and 20th to spend in Disneyland, keeping in mind I have to get up early on the 19th to handle the luggage part of switching hotels. I haven't been to Disneyland in forever. I don't remember anything. Literally anything. May you share your wisdom with me?

Ragadolf |
7 people marked this as a favorite. |

NobodysHome wrote:This is the best response ever.Ah, nothing like the loooooong moment of silence that lets you know you hit home.
Telephone Spammer: Hello, I am calling on behalf of Fake Company to see whether you qualify for vague California program. How are you today?
NobodysHome: (slowly) I'm... fine...
TS: OK, to make sure I am speaking to the right person, are you the homeowner?
NH: No... (pregnant pause)... I'm his prostitute.
(30 full seconds of dead, glorious silence)
TS: Oh, OK, sir. Then have a nice day, sir. Goodbye!
That is awesome!
Even better than my 'standard' response.Caller: Hello! I am NOT calling to sell you anything, I am conducting a survey and just want to ask you a few questions. is that OK?
Aged Wizard: Certainly. You have called the right person. I specialize in telephone consultation. I charge $250 an hour with a 2 hour minimum. Where shall I send the bill?
Caller: (Silence) <CLICK> <Dial Tone>
:)

![]() |
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Speaking of poor design, I've been in the hospital since Monday, but they're discharging me this afternoon!
I went east for a family reunion ten weeks ago, caught a lung infection, tried to tough it out when I got back, then tried an oral antibiotic at home, then got myself a PICC line for a home IV antibiotic, then finally got admitted on Monday when none of the above worked. My doc still isn't sure wth is going on -- he's still waiting on test results -- but apparently I'm not quite ill enough to stay in hospital.
Which I have mixed feelings about. I love being home of course, but there is still something wrong with my lungs. Well I asked the hospital docs to write me a work letter so I can have a couple days off and then a week out of the sun, so that'll give me a nice breather.
Oh and next time I'm admitted, I'm bringing all of my own meds -- it seems every day I trip over another hospital policy, some of which seem to have been designed specifically to make my treatment more difficult. >:( What I wouldn't give to have one of those fur'reigner hospitals that understands that patients with chronic conditions don't suddenly lose the ability to manage our own meds when hospitalized.
Get well soon!

captain yesterday |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |

lisamarlene wrote:NobodysHome wrote:This is the best response ever.Ah, nothing like the loooooong moment of silence that lets you know you hit home.
Telephone Spammer: Hello, I am calling on behalf of Fake Company to see whether you qualify for vague California program. How are you today?
NobodysHome: (slowly) I'm... fine...
TS: OK, to make sure I am speaking to the right person, are you the homeowner?
NH: No... (pregnant pause)... I'm his prostitute.
(30 full seconds of dead, glorious silence)
TS: Oh, OK, sir. Then have a nice day, sir. Goodbye!
That is awesome!
Even better than my 'standard' response.Caller: Hello! I am NOT calling to sell you anything, I am conducting a survey and just want to ask you a few questions. is that OK?
Aged Wizard: Certainly. You have called the right person. I specialize in telephone consultation. I charge $250 an hour with a 2 hour minimum. Where shall I send the bill?
Caller: (Silence) <CLICK> <Dial Tone>
:)
My standard response for any phone call on my phone I don't know "Hello, is Mr Yesterday there?" *Click*.
It helps that I hate talking on the phone.

captain yesterday |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |

Tequila Sunrise wrote:Get well soon!Speaking of poor design, I've been in the hospital since Monday, but they're discharging me this afternoon!
I went east for a family reunion ten weeks ago, caught a lung infection, tried to tough it out when I got back, then tried an oral antibiotic at home, then got myself a PICC line for a home IV antibiotic, then finally got admitted on Monday when none of the above worked. My doc still isn't sure wth is going on -- he's still waiting on test results -- but apparently I'm not quite ill enough to stay in hospital.
Which I have mixed feelings about. I love being home of course, but there is still something wrong with my lungs. Well I asked the hospital docs to write me a work letter so I can have a couple days off and then a week out of the sun, so that'll give me a nice breather.
Oh and next time I'm admitted, I'm bringing all of my own meds -- it seems every day I trip over another hospital policy, some of which seem to have been designed specifically to make my treatment more difficult. >:( What I wouldn't give to have one of those fur'reigner hospitals that understands that patients with chronic conditions don't suddenly lose the ability to manage our own meds when hospitalized.
Yes, this!
Also, see if your insurance will cover Cyborginization.

NobodysHome |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |

Hey, Nobody's Home, do you still visit Disneyland Anaheim every year?
...this leaves me with the 18th, 19th, and 20th to spend in Disneyland, keeping in mind I have to get up early on the 19th to handle the luggage part of switching hotels. I haven't been to Disneyland in forever. I don't remember anything. Literally anything. May you share your wisdom with me?
I'm afraid that since they decided to change it from Disneyland to Marvel/Star Warsland, we haven't been particularly interested because we're not uber fans of those franchises, and the move has turned what used to be a magical place into "yet another theme park", but one that charges $200/day to get in (I kid you not; one-day park hoppers are now $198).
So our last "annual" trip was 2016, though we've still been for the Bats in the Sun day in 2017 and 2018, and even the group I chaperone stopped going because of the price.
That said, you also need to remember that we went there to relax, window shop, dine, and occasionally take a ride, so our goals were different than most.
But here goes:
(1) Get a map the day before (every hotel should have one) and plan what rides you want to go on
(2) The park is your oyster before 10:00 am, especially the time of year you'll be there. Catch the popular/good rides before 10, grab park hoppers to ride your favorite again later, and then accept that after 10:00 am rides are kind of an "add-on" to the rest of the park
(3) Once the lines hit half an hour or so (usually around 10:00 am), they quickly balloon to an hour or more. It's time to rely on park hoppers, less-popular rides, and the (formerly) beautiful bit of architecture that is (was) Disneyland.
(4) There used to be a lot of really good restaurants that didn't cost any more than restaurants in the Bay Area (listening to people scream in outrage about an $18 seared ahi salad that was quite good was amusing, for example), but thanks to the Marvel/Star Wars/bring in the commoners influence those have been shutting down in favor of burger, fries, and pizza places that *do* charge outrageous prices. ($18 for a seared ahi salad is reasonable, in my mind. $12 for a single slice of Costco pizza isn't.) Cafe Orleans for lunch and the Carnation Cafe for breakfast were our standby places, but I seem to recall Cafe Orleans went seriously downhill.
(5) Now that you've had breakfast, ridden some rides, and gotten fast passes, consider popping over to California Adventure, which usually doesn't get overcrowded 'til noon.
(6) Once both parks have gotten packed, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, and the train around Disneyland are good options, and I really enjoy what used to be Tom Sawyer island, but whose name changes every few years, so after Pirates of the Caribbean it was Pirate Island and who knows what it is now.
(7) I suggest Downtown Disney for dinner. Lots of restaurants, all still grossly overpriced, but some of them perfectly good.
The real problem is, after 10 or 11 am the rides are all jammed, and I don't feel that standing in line for an hour is worth my vacation time, so I like to wander the stores, look at architecture, people watch, and so forth. Disney's trying to wring as much money as it can out of Disneyland Anaheim to make up for less-profitable areas, so they're going the way of mass-produced cheap crap (both edible and non), so you no longer find unique toys or items, quaint restaurants hidden in plain view, or any of the other stuff that made Disneyland magical for us.
These days, it's just another theme park. And traveling 420 miles and paying $200 each for a plain old theme park isn't in our view of 'fun things to do'.
Heck, this summer is a "recover our finances" summer so a trip to Disneyland would be right in the price range, but we're taking the kids to fricking Las Vegas instead.
When you think Vegas will be more fun for your kids than Disneyland, you know the park has issues...

NobodysHome |
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Vegss to me sounds like the least fun place to take anyone, regardless of age.
I personally despise Vegas, and wish never to return. Yet everyone else says it's some kind of wonderful place.
I don't drink, don't shoot, and don't hire hookers.
That pretty much ends Vegas for me.
But GothBard and Shiro insist that there's shopping (don't do), shows, and restaurants.
I am exceedingly dubious about the whole thing, but I figure I can take the kids and drive off to see the Grand Canyon, which actually DOES sound like fun.

lisamarlene |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |

I used to love Disney World, but when I lived in Florida in high school, an off-season day pass for a Florida resident was $19, which was awesome, and you could see great shows for free. (I will never get just walking in to an Eartha Kitt concert at Epcot and sitting a handful of rows from the stage... she was incredible. And basically played to all the grandpas in the crowd, which was hilarious.)

Freehold DM |

Freehold DM |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |

captain yesterday wrote:Vegss to me sounds like the least fun place to take anyone, regardless of age.I personally despise Vegas, and wish never to return. Yet everyone else says it's some kind of wonderful place.
I don't drink, don't shoot, and don't hire hookers.
That pretty much ends Vegas for me.
But GothBard and Shiro insist that there's shopping (don't do), shows, and restaurants.
I am exceedingly dubious about the whole thing, but I figure I can take the kids and drive off to see the Grand Canyon, which actually DOES sound like fun.
Vegas is fun. If you like heat/can stand heat and have a car(with a lot of extra gas). Alcohol is a huge draw, I get it- it supposedly has some of the best alcohol in the area from its history as a gambling town/den of vice, I believe there is an absinthe based bar there that I am supposed to check out. Sex sells in Vegas but not in the town itself, you have to go to a neighboring(economically depressed, according to some, but thats a bit unfair in my experience- is Jersey economically depressed compared to NY, or is NY just an economic hub of the area?) county to enjoy such pleasures. I have also heard tell of wild parties in the desert that do include some shooting, although there may be a kibosh put on those soon as physics kinda states that shooting at random in the desert is a bad idea as the bullets keep going, but there are also just midnight desert bonfires where people just blast music loud and have a more generic good time. Shopping is big there too, but its a very weird, eclectic pawn shop style shopping. I dont doubt even you would find something amazing there, but it would take some searching.

NobodysHome |
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Ah, my clueless chaperones.
Everyone on FaWtL knows that:
(1) I get up early
(2) I almost never take my phone with me
So my phone's "Do Not Disturb" turns off at 7:00 am.
I went off to Trader Joe's and, as usual, forgot my phone on my bedside table.
Apparently at 7:54 am a flurry of chaperone texts came in. My phone dutifully started vibrating its little brains out. While GothBard was trying to sleep on the other side of the bed.
I got home from shopping to find my phone unceremoniously dumped on my desk in the living room.
I'm impressed it didn't have hammer marks on it.

NobodysHome |
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Vegas is fun. If you like heat/can stand heat and have a car(with a lot of extra gas).
Yep. Hate the heat and hate driving.
Alcohol is a huge draw, I get it- it supposedly has some of the best alcohol in the area from its history as a gambling town/den of vice, I believe there is an absinthe based bar there that I am supposed to check out.
That's why GothBard is going. To seek that place out.
Sex sells in Vegas but not in the town itself,
You're cute when you pretend to be naive.
I have also heard tell of wild parties in the desert that do include some shooting, although there may be a kibosh put on those soon as physics kinda states that shooting at random in the desert is a bad idea as the bullets keep going...
Last time we were there every male in the group went to a local place in Vegas where you could fire off various types of machine gun. It was all indoors, so I just can't imagine the smell, but apparently they had fun. I went shopping with the ladies instead. I had more fun.

Freehold DM |
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Freehold DM wrote:Vegas is fun. If you like heat/can stand heat and have a car(with a lot of extra gas).Yep. Hate the heat and hate driving.
Freehold DM wrote:Alcohol is a huge draw, I get it- it supposedly has some of the best alcohol in the area from its history as a gambling town/den of vice, I believe there is an absinthe based bar there that I am supposed to check out.That's why GothBard is going. To seek that place out.
Freehold DM wrote:Sex sells in Vegas but not in the town itself,You're cute when you pretend to be naive.
Hiring someone for the purpose of sex in the county of Vegas is illegal, and you will be arrested.
Freehold DM wrote:I have also heard tell of wild parties in the desert that do include some shooting, although there may be a kibosh put on those soon as physics kinda states that shooting at random in the desert is a bad idea as the bullets keep going...Last time we were there every male in the group went to a local place in Vegas where you could fire off various types of machine gun. It was all indoors, so I just can't imagine the smell, but apparently they had fun. I went shopping with the ladies instead. I had more fun.
Sounds good. I am not a gun guy.

Freehold DM |
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NobodysHome wrote:Is that the deeply hidden from us lawful side of Freehold?Freehold DM wrote:Sex sells in Vegas but not in the town itself,You're cute when you pretend to be naive.
sex work is one of those things that requires government get involved, as individuals have proven they cannot be trusted with that level of enterprise, as it were. So long as the laws that come about do not impugn the people providing the service AND/OR the people using that service, I am all for following the law.

Tequila Sunrise |
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Hiring someone for the purpose of sex in the county of Vegas is illegal, and you will be arrested.
*googles prostitution in Nevada*
Well I'll be...I had assumed that sex work was legal state-wide, but nope it's a county-by-county deal, and Vegas is in a criminalized county.
Apparently the majority of sex work still happens in the criminal counties, but surprise surprise when all the legal brothels are out in the rural counties...

NobodysHome |
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Freehold DM wrote:Hiring someone for the purpose of sex in the county of Vegas is illegal, and you will be arrested.*googles prostitution in Nevada*
Well I'll be...I had assumed that sex work was legal state-wide, but nope it's a county-by-county deal, and Vegas is in a criminalized county.
Apparently the majority of sex work still happens in the criminal counties, but surprise surprise when all the legal brothels are out in the rural counties...
Yeah, it's something along the lines of having to be 60 miles outside of a major city, but sex work isn't legal in cities.
However, it's bizarre how often you can hire an escort for the evening, wine her, dine her, see a movie with her, and have her admit that, though is isn't part of the service (wink wink, nudge nudge), she personally finds you oh-so-attractive and after your date is done, when she's off-hours...
Not personal experience per se, but going to a bachelor party with a bunch of cops in the 1990s and then with a bunch of drunken tech workers in the 2000s, you see how readily and easily the "professionals" circumvent the laws.
But yes, for a legal, licensed prostitute you have to be a significant distance away from a "large" city.
Which are few and far between in Nevada.

NobodysHome |
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So, for those of you wondering how Albany and Berkeley can be 20 degrees cooler than towns both north and south of them, today's air quality map is a fantastic way to view the air flow: It comes in the Golden Gate and blows ESE through Albany and Berkeley, cooling us a good 20 degrees.
Unfortunately, there's a fire on the peninsula right now so we're enjoying horrific air quality (I went shopping and came back smelling like I'd been sitting next to a campfire), but at least the map is a nice way to see the wind flow.

Ragadolf |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |

I used to want to go to a convention in Vegas,
When STAR TREK, THE EXPERIENCE was still a thing. :)
There is a major tech convention that I managed to attend once, it usually flip flops between Orlando, and Vegas. I got to go to the Orlando year, because my boss at the time was/is a big Disney fan. And it was still affordable then. :P

Manly Balls, Executive Producer |
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And yet filming pornography is totally legit, where you're still paying someone for sex, but the only difference is you're taping it.
So remember folks, when you get busted with a hooker, just pull out your cell phone and tell the officer it was an audition.
Give this man a pen! He's on fire!! I wrote six scripts, just off this one post!!

Freehold DM |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |

And yet filming pornography is totally legit, where you're still paying someone for sex, but the only difference is you're taping it.
So remember folks, when you get busted with a hooker, just pull out your cell phone and tell the officer it was an audition.
Most municipalities will want to see the paperwork associated with a porngraphic film shoot if you are caught paying for sex, even if one is on the so called "casting couch"- and there are some places were making porn to expressly get around this law is illegal. Its why there are still physical files on most porn stars in their home offices(and other offices they work out of as well). The currently popular "<censored> a fan!" is usually a scam, but in the cases where it is not, said fan would have to be willing to travel to a place where making porn is not illegal on their own power(no cohersion) to sign COPIOUS amounts of paperwork, only allowing them intimate access to said star for the express purpose of making insert your prefered pornographic film title here! that will remain on record with the studio producing said work for at least seven years, and you BETTER keep your copies of that paperwork available should anyone come sniffing around legally. It is a very serious and litigious business, especially now that most women (rightfully) have and negotiate their own contracts and work independently of studios, outlining what they are and are not comfortable with before cameras are even in the room and can and WILL sue the absolute s$%$ out of someone for breach of contract for even accidental(not incidental) contact that is not spelled out in said contract.

NobodysHome |
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Ah, some people might consider my relationship with Impus Major to be surreal.
I consider it awesome.
Impus Major: Thank you, Father, for not giving up on me and working so hard to make me good.
NobodysHome: You're going to be great!
IM: I think you're a little too optimistic, Dad. You're setting your hopes too high.
NH: That's it! I'm eating a bunch of candy so I'll die young and won't have to watch you fail!
IM: D**n you, Dad!
It was a good conversation.

NobodysHome |
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NobodysHome wrote:The Toasty, Golden-Brown State?Impus Major: Hey, Dad! Since the state is always burning all the time, can we rename it from "The Golden State" to "The Hellfire State"?
NobodysHome: Sure!
IM: Or maybe "The Chipmunk's Lament State".
What's funny is that's exactly what either Impus Major or GothBard said less than 2 minutes later.