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What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's girlfriend drive? A Minnie-van.
Edit: Well, that isn't exactly family friendly.
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What is a pirate's favorite fast-food restaurant?
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captain yesterday wrote: They have Star Trek Beyond on Hulu now.
I think I'll watch it, it's been a while since I've seen a Star Trek/Star Wars parody.
It should be hilarious!
HEY! shakes fist
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Where does a mermaid go when she loses something? Lost and Flounder.
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Why is Cinderella so bad at sports? She has a pumpkin for a coach and runs away from the ball.
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How does Mickey feel when Minnie is mad at him? Mouserable.
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What do you call a pirate who skips school? Captain Hooky.
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Why did Captain Hook cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
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How does Luke Skywalker travel through the forests of Endor? Ewoks.
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Why did the Sith cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.
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Luke and Obi-Wan are eating in a Chinese restaurant, and Luke can't figure out how to use the chopsticks. Finally, Obi-Wan says "Use the forks, Luke."
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Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a fight to the death, when Vader says "I know what you are getting for Christmas, Luke". Luke, breathing heavily, asks "What did you say?" Vader says "It's true, I know what you are getting for Christmas". "No, that's not possible," denies Luke. Vader says "It's true. I felt your presents."
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What does Ariel put on her toast? Mermalade.
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Why does Snow White treat all seven of the dwarfs equally? Because she's the fairest of them all.
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What is Grumpy's favorite fruit? Sour grapes.
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What is the Cheshire Cat's favorite drink? Evaporated milk.
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What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers.
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Freehold DM wrote: captain yesterday wrote: Captain Yesterday's family: Hey let's schedule everything over Facebook, pick a day Captain Yesterday has to work (which is pretty hard considering I work one day a week or so) and then not tell him until he can't get off and spend the rest of the week trying to Facebook guilt him.
It must be a holiday.
They're also STILL trying to get me to death tubing on the Sugar River (if the unusually large number of leeches don't suck you dry below the water line the mosquitos from the farm runoff will finish you from above.
Oh yes, their will be fecal matter.
nexus Christ man, what does tour family do for fun?+ We like to do the typical city hipster b%&!+$!~. Go for bike rides, go to the zoo, fishing (We have a lake three and a half blocks away), take the dog to the prairie on the north side of Middleton, play pathfinder, there's shows every Saturday night at the union downtown, some of our neighbors like to hang out, grill, and drink, so if we're in a sociable mood we pick up some craft beer (the General really likes ginger beer right now) and walk down the street.
You know, fun active things, stuff my family doesn't like to do.
One thing we don't like to do is drive 60 miles to float down a s$!# filled, bug infested river.
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What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark? Flood lights.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Wet feet.
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What is a witch's best subject in school? Spelling.
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What kind of stories do ship captains tell their children? Ferry tales.
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If you have 5 oranges in one hand, and 5 pears in the other, what do you have? Really big hands.
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What do you call a snowman with a suntan? A puddle.
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What do you call Chewbacca when he has Hershey's Kisses stuck in his hair? A chocolate chip Wookiee.
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What kind of bird can lift the most weight? A crane.
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Did you hear the joke about the garbage truck? Never mind, it was a load of rubbish.
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Why wasn't the butterfly allowed into the fancy dance? It was a moth ball.
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Do milk shakes come from nervous cows?
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How do you stop a snake from striking? Pay it a decent wage.
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Why are pirates called pirates?
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Did you hear the joke about the roof? Eh, would probably go over your head.
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What kind of rocks are not found in the ocean? Dry ones.
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Do dentists call X-rays tooth-pics?
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What vegetable grows in the basement? Cellar-y.
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Two waves had a race, but neither won. They were tide.
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What do you call a listing cow? Lean beef.
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Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming.
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What vegetables aren't allowed on boats? Leeks.
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Which side of the chicken has the most feathers? The outside.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
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And fish tar-tar, or ceviche if you prefer, you're the one with the elephant and swimming pool.
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You know, sometimes I wonder if I was born to sell booze to tourists. Back in the industry after a month out of it, and g@#+#$n does it feel good.
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Oh come on! Those aliens didn't even try to shoot anyone in a yellow shirt!
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"Doctor, I fail to see how excrement of any kind bears relevance on our current situation" - Mister Spock.
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There are so many things I should be doing right now. Maybe if I had one of these I would do some of them.
Actually, I used to have one. Probably still have it, buried in a box. I would look for it, but I'd need one first.
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And how does that make you feel about Captain Yesterday's mother?
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